Personality and Individual Differences 34 (2003) 14191429

www.elsevier.com/locate/paid

Why am I unsatised? Adult attachment style, gendered

irrational relationship beliefs, and young adult
romantic relationship satisfaction
Richelle A. Stackert, Krisanne Bursik*
Department of Psychology, Suolk University, Becon Hill, 41 Temple Street, Boston, MA 02114-4280, USA
Received 23 October 2001; received in revised form 24 March 2002; accepted 21 April 2002

Abstract
Are individual dierences in adult attachment styles (secure, anxious-ambivalent, or avoidant) associated
with dierential adherence to relationship-specic irrational beliefs? Does endorsement of irrational relationship beliefs relate to actual relationship dissatisfaction? These questions were explored with a sample of
118 male and female college students. Results indicated that insecure individuals (anxious-ambivalent or
avoidant) endorsed signicantly more relationship-specic irrational beliefs than those with a secure adult
attachment style. Gendered patterns of endorsement of specic irrational beliefs cluster were also observed.
Further, both an insecure adult attachment style and stronger adherence to relationship-specic irrational
beliefs were related to diminished relationship satisfaction.
# 2002 Elsevier Science Ltd. All rights reserved.
Keywords: Adult attachment style; Irrational beliefs; Relationship satisfaction; Romantic relationships

1. Introduction
Numerous researchers have explored the correlates of adult attachment style and their association with the maintenance or dissolution of romantic relationships. Bowlby (1969) began this
exploration of attachment, and Hazan and Shaver (1987) expanded its bounds when they conceptualized romantic love as an attachment process. Attachment theory provides a framework for
conceptualizing how both healthy and unhealthy forms of love originate as reasonable adaptations to early social experiences. These patterns endure into adulthood, serving as templates for
relating romantically in either a secure or insecure fashion.

An earlier version of this paper was presented at the annual meeting of the American Psychological Association,
San Francisco, CA, August 2001.
* Corresponding author. Tel.: +1-617-573-8293; fax: +1-617-367-2924.
E-mail address: kbursik@suolk.edu (K. Bursik).
0191-8869/02/$ - see front matter # 2002 Elsevier Science Ltd. All rights reserved.
PII: S0191-8869(02)00124-1

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Similarly, a separate body of literature has emerged, one that explores how irrational beliefs
inuence the way in which people relate interpersonally. Cognitive theory posits that the endorsement of certain irrational expectations about what makes relationships functional and healthy
strongly aects an individuals ability to adjust within a relationship. The cognitive approach to
marital adjustment and therapy has received increasing attention (Dryden & Ellis, 1988; Epstein
1986; Moller & van Zyl, 1991) since Ellis (1962) emphasized the role of irrational expectations in
distressed marital relationships.
Are individual dierences in adult attachment style related to the dierential endorsement of
irrational relationship beliefs? How are these patterns associated with mens and womens levels
of satisfaction in romantic relationships? This study examines the relations among these constructs and explores gendered patterns of association.
1.1. Attachment style
Bowlbys (1969) seminal work introduced the basic premise of attachment theory: the quality of
attachment relationships stems from interactions between infants and their caregivers, especially
the degree to which they can rely on attachment gures as sources of security and support. The
unique relationship with an attachment gure furnishes a template, providing the infant with a
framework within which otherwise fragmented information about self and world can be organized into a structured whole (Guidano, 1988).
Accordingly, there are consequences of an insecure attachment for the childs emerging selfconcept and developing view of the social world. For instance, if the caregiver is available and
responsive to an infants distress signal, distress can be regulated with strategies that involve
active seeking of comfort and support from that gure. In less optimal circumstances, the parent
may reject the infants attempt to gain comfort or be inconsistently available and inept at comforting the child. Thus, the caregivers emotional availability and responsiveness to the childs
needs largely determine the nature and quality of this early relationship.
Bowlby (1988) conceptualized attachment as a lifespan construct, with children maintaining
attachment bonds to their parents across childhood and into adulthood. These internal representations of attachment gures become intertwined with representations of the self and have
pervasive eects on everyday thinking and behavior (Guidano, 1988). Through the course of
development, patterns of attachment modulate as the individual assimilates new relational information.
Thus, romantic love can be viewed as an attachment processa process of becoming emotionally attached to an adult romantic partner in somewhat the same way that an infant becomes
attached or emotionally bonded to its primary caregiver. Hazan and Shaver (1987) proposed that
the three attachment stylessecure, avoidant, and anxious-ambivalentexist in adulthood and
inuence the ways in which adults experience romantic love, providing a framework for behavior
in romantic relationships. According to their denition of adult attachment styles, secure individuals feel comfortable getting close to and depending on others. Avoidant individuals feel
uncomfortable getting close to or depending on others. Anxious-ambivalent individuals have a
strong desire to get close to others coupled with a fear of abandonment and rejection.
Individuals with these three styles experience romantic relationships quite dierently (Hazan &
Shaver, 1987). Secure lovers described their most important love experience as especially happy,

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friendly, and trusting; they emphasized being able to accept and support their partner despite the
partners faults. In addition, their relationships tended to endure longer, and they were less likely
to be divorced, compared with avoidant and anxious-ambivalent participants. The avoidant
lovers were characterized by fear of intimacy, emotional highs and lows, and jealousy. The
anxious-ambivalent participants experienced love as involving obsession, emotional highs and
lows, and extreme sexual attraction and jealousy. This research sparked numerous studies
exploring how an individuals attachment history might inuence his or her style toward romantic
partners during adolescence and adulthood (Collins & Read, 1990; Feeney & Noller, 1990; Fraley
& Shaver, 1998; Simpson, 1990; Tucker & Anders, 1999).
In a study of adult attachment and relationship quality in dating couples, Collins and Read
(1990) found that women whose partners were comfortable with closeness (securely attached)
were much more positive about their relationship, felt closer to their partner, perceived less conict in the relationship, and reported better communication. Men with partners who were comfortable with closeness reported more faith in their partner, viewing her as more predictable and
dependable. They perceived greater communication when their partner was comfortable with
closeness, reporting that they self-disclosed more to their partner and that their partners disclosed
more to them. Similarly, Simpson (1990) found that individuals who scored higher on the secure
attachment index indicated that they were involved in relationships characterized by greater
interdependence, commitment, trust, and satisfaction. Further, secure styles were related to
heightened negative emotions and reduced positive emotions within these relationships.
Although studies such as these examining the correlates of adult attachment style represent a
signicant divergence from Bowlbys theory, both approaches credit an individuals family context for developing and maintaining a particular style from infancy to adulthood. Less clear is
how these family dynamics are determinative of adult attachment style. We speculate that these
interpersonal interaction patterns shape belief systems and worldviews, particularly those related
to relational bonds. The residue of dysfunctional family dynamics may be seen in persistent cognitive distortions about the way relationships function. This research examines how the endorsement of irrational expectations about what constitutes a healthy romantic relationship is
associated with both adult attachment style and adult relationship satisfaction.
1.2. Development of irrational beliefs
At the core of the cognitive-behavioral approach is the assumption that human cognition and
emotion are signicantly interrelated. Aaron Becks cognitive model states that in order to
understand the nature of an emotional episode or disturbance, one must focus on the cognitive
content of ones reaction to the upsetting event or stream of thought (DeRubeis & Beck, 1988).
Therefore, an appreciation of the development and the active role of an individuals knowledge
and beliefs of self and the world is critical.
Albert Ellis (1962) postulates that emotional distress results from acceptance of a nucleus of
irrational and contradictory self-defeating beliefs. These beliefs depart from logical and reality
based assumptions and lead to self-defeating behavior. They are conceptualized as enduring,
generalized cognitive structures that are broad and philosophic in nature and can be applied to
many life content areas. Empirical research has clearly demonstrated the negative consequences
of irrational beliefs for both individual adjustment and relationship success.

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1.3. Inuence of irrational beliefs on romantic relationships

Cognitive therapy posits that the way in which people think, as well as the content of their
thoughts, exerts a profound inuence on their adjustment within a relationship. Irrational
thinking leads to self-defeating behavior and thus is seen to eect poorer adjustment, while more
rational, functional thinking is seen to eect better adjustment. One approach to cognition that
has emerged in the relationship literature investigates the extent to which individuals endorse
certain beliefs, attitudes, or expectations about what makes relationships functional, healthy, and
satisfying. These relatively stable beliefs about relationships tend to be idiosyncratic constructions
generated and revised through personal experience.
A major focus of research in this eld has been on these irrational relationship beliefs as an
important aspect of individual dierences in investigations of relationship phenomena, particularly aective qualities such as satisfaction and adjustment (Baucom, Epstein, Sayers, & Sher,
1989). Concerning the association between unrealistic relationship beliefs and satisfaction, Bradbury and Fincham (1988) found that these two variables were signicantly and negatively correlated. That is, lower levels of marital satisfaction were related to greater endorsement of irrational
relationship beliefs. Other researchers have reported similar ndings (Metts & Cupach, 1990;
Moller & van der Merwe, 1997; Moller & van Zyl, 1991). According to Epstein (1986), the most
pervasive and most enduring cognitive variables implicated in marital distress are extreme beliefs
about ones self, partner, and the nature of marital interactions.
The source of these irrational relationship beliefs remains unclear, although many have speculated about their developmental origins within the family system. Even less is known about the
origins of particular irrational beliefs clusters or how they may be dierentially socialized for men
and women. We speculated that adherence to particular irrational beliefs would follow gendered
patterns reecting prevailing social norms and traditional gender role socialization.

2. Hypotheses
Based on the adult attachment style literature and current frameworks from cognitive theoretical models, we proposed several specic hypotheses. First, we predicted that individual dierences in adult attachment style would predict dierential endorsement of relationship-specic
irrational beliefs; participants with insecure adult attachment styles (anxious-ambivalent or
avoidant) were expected to endorse more relationship-specic irrational beliefs than those classied as securely attached. We anticipated that men and women would dier in regard to their
endorsement of particular irrational belief clusters. Gendered patterns of socialization may lead
men to develop more irrational beliefs regarding sexual perfectionism in relationships, while
women may be more likely to develop irrational views regarding the hazards of expressing anger
and disagreement in relationships. Our third hypothesis predicted that relationship-specic irrational beliefs and relationship satisfaction would be negatively associated for both men and
women. Replicating previous results, we hypothesized that individual dierences in adult attachment style would be associated with dierences in self-reported relationship satisfaction. Individuals with an insecure adult attachment style (anxious-ambivalent or avoidant) were expected to
report less relationship satisfaction than those with a secure attachment style.

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3. Method
3.1. Participants
Participants were 118 undergraduate students who were fullling a portion of a general psychology research requirement. Sixty-eight of these participants were female; 50 were male. Participants ranged in age from 17 to 28 years (M=18.9, SD=2.5). Approximately 83% of the
participants were Caucasian, 6% were African-American, 4% were Asian American or Asian,
4% were Hispanic or Latino, and 2% were Arab or Middle Eastern. Although one student was
recently married, all other participants were single and reported on romantic dating relationships
of varying lengths; these romantic relationships ranged in length from one month to 84 months
duration (M=19.7, SD=16.5).
3.2. Procedure
Sign-up sheets were posted in the psychology department inviting students to participate in a
study regarding interpersonal relationships; participation fullled an introductory psychology
participation requirement. The description of the study specied that it was only appropriate for
individuals with experience in a serious, romantic relationship; other students were not considered for participation and were given other research options. In small group settings, informed
consent was obtained from all participants, and students were asked to complete a packet of selfreport measures as honestly and completely as possible. The questionnaire packet took most
participants less than 1 hour to complete.
3.3. Measures
3.3.1. Adult attachment style
A slightly modied version of the Hazan and Shaver attachment style questionnaire (1987,
1990) was used to assess adult attachment style. The Hazan and Shaver measure consists of three
vignettes describing relational styles; participants respond on a 7-point Likert-type scale ranging
from unlike me (1) to like me (7). A modication was made by including a nal sentence asking
the participant to choose which one of the three styles was most self-descriptive (as in Cooper,
Shaver, & Collins, 1998). A procedure used by Mikulincer and Nachshon (1991) was used to distinguish consistent from inconsistent responders. Participants were excluded from further analyses
if their highest Likert rating failed to correspond to the attachment style chosen as most self-characteristic. Eleven participants (9%) were excluded for this reason, which is comparable with earlier
studies in which 67% of their respondents were inconsistent (Mikulincer & Nachshon, 1991).
3.3.2. Relationship-specic irrational beliefs
The Relationship Belief Inventory (RBI: Eidelson & Epstein, 1982) was used to assess relationship-specic irrational beliefs. The RBI is a 40-item instrument designed to assess dysfunctional relational beliefs. It consists of ve subscales: Partners cannot change; The sexes are
dierent; Disagreement is destructive; Mind reading is expected; and Sexual perfectionism. Each
of these irrational belief clusters is assessed with eight items; participants indicate the strength of

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their endorsement of the item using a 05 scale. Approximately half of the items are positively
keyed, while the other half are negatively keyed. RBI total scores range from 0 to 200 with higher
scores indicating a higher level of relationship belief dysfunction. The authors demonstrate the
factor structure of the measure and provide alpha reliabilities indicating adequate internal consistency for all belief subscales.
3.3.3. Relationship satisfaction
The Relationship Assessment Scale (RAS: Hendrick, 1988) was used to assess current relationship satisfaction. This instrument consists of seven items measuring global satisfaction with
ones relationship, measured on a 5-point Likert-type scale. Items are summed to yield a total
score indicator of relationship satisfaction. The authors document high internal consistency and
present data supporting the construct validity of the measure.
3.3.4. Demographic data
Participants completed a brief demographic questionnaire designed by the researchers. In
addition to basic demographic data, participants also provided information regarding their
romantic relationship history.

4. Results
4.1. Preliminary analyses
An analysis of the frequencies of self-reported attachment styles was conducted using the
Hazan and Shaver categorization. Fifty percent (n=54) of participants endorsed the secure
attachment style, 32% (n=34) endorsed the anxious-ambivalent style, and 18% (n=19) endorsed
the avoidant style. These percentages were similar to those obtained in previous studies (Hazan &
Shaver, 1987, 1990) in which the frequency of self-classication as secure ranged from 49 to 56%,
that of anxious-ambivalent ranged from 19 to 24%, and that of avoidant ranged from 21 to 30%.
Consistent with previous research, there were no signicant gender dierences in attachment
style, (
2=4.65, n.s.).
4.2. Attachment style and relationship-specic irrational beliefs
The rst hypothesis predicted adult attachment style dierences in the strength of adherence to
relationship-specic irrational beliefs. A 2 (gender)  3 (adult attachment style) analysis of variance (ANOVA) was performed on the RBI total scores. The ANOVA revealed a signicant main
eect for adult attachment style, F (2, 106)=5.44, P<0.01. Post-hoc comparisons (NewmanKeuls) indicated that anxious-ambivalent (M=87.26, SD=20.25) and avoidant (M=91.95,
SD=23.72) participants endorsed signicantly more relationship-specic irrational beliefs than
those classied as having a secure adult attachment style (M=76.22, SD=18.50). The two insecure attachment style groups did not signicantly dier in their endorsement of these irrational
beliefs. There was no signicant gender dierence for the aggregate irrational belief indicator and
no signicant interaction eect.

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4.3. Gendered patterns of irrational relationship beliefs

Despite the gender similarity in overall endorsement of irrational relationship beliefs, our second hypothesis predicted gender dierences for particular RBI subscales. To examine these gendered belief patterns, a one-way multivariate analysis of variance (MANOVA) was performed on
the ve RBI subscales. The MANOVA revealed a signicant main eect for gender, Wilks
Lambda=0.768, F (5, 101)=6.088, P<0.001, on the combined dependent variables. Inspection
of the univariate result indicated signicant gender dierences for three of the ve RBI subscales
(Table 1). As predicted, the univariate results for the Disagreement is destructive subscale
revealed a signicant main eect for gender, F (1, 106)=4.53, P< 0.05; women (M=14.87)
endorsed these irrational beliefs more strongly than did men (M=12.45). Univariate results for
the Sexual perfectionism subscale also supported the second hypothesis with a signicant main
eect for gender, F (1, 106)=10.33, P<0.01; in this case, men (M=18.68) had signicantly higher
scores than women (M=14.73). A third gender dierence was not predicted; for Partners cannot
change, the analysis yielded a signicant main eect for gender, F (1, 106)=9.77, P<0.01. For
this subscale, women (M=16.68) had higher irrational belief scores than did men (M=13.48).
4.4. Relationship-specic irrational beliefs and relationship satisfaction
Pearson productmoment correlations were calculated to test the third hypothesis: are relationship-specic irrational beliefs associated with relationship satisfaction? As seen in Table 2,
results revealed signicant negative correlations between relationship satisfaction and several of
the RBI variables. In general, stronger adherence to relationship-specic irrational beliefs was
associated with diminished relationship satisfaction for both men and women. Beliefs that partners cannot change and that the sexes are dierent were signicantly correlated with lower levels
of relationship satisfaction for both men and women. For men, sexual perfectionism beliefs were
negatively correlated with relationship satisfaction; for women, beliefs that disagreement is
destructive were negatively associated with satisfaction.

Table 1
Gender dierences in endorsement of relationship belief inventory (RBI) subscales
RBI Subscale

Partners cannot change

The sexes are dierent
Disagreement is destructive
Mind reading is expected
Sexual perfectionism
RBI total score
n=44 males and n=63 females.
* P< 0.05.
** P< 0.01.

Males

Females

SD

SD

13.48
17.48
12.45
17.77
18.68
79.18

4.99
8.23
5.53
5.20
6.31
20.49

16.68
19.86
14.87
18.46
14.73
84.86

5.37
6.85
5.95
5.72
6.22
21.07

3.13**
1.62
2.13*
0.64
3.21**
1.39

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4.5. Attachment style dierences in relationship satisfaction

The nal hypothesis predicted that individuals with an insecure adult attachment style would
report less relationship satisfaction than those classied with a secure adult attachment style. A
one-way ANOVA using the categorical attachment style scores supported this hypothesis, F (2,
105)=3.50, P<0.05. Securely attached participants (M=25.96, SD=4.78) indicated a higher
level of relationship satisfaction than either the anxious-ambivalent (M=23.59, SD=4.98) or
avoidant groups (M=23.39, SD=4.26).

5. Discussion
On the basis of derivations of attachment theory and cognitive-behavioral theory, the present
study examined how individual dierences in adult attachment style are associated with irrational
beliefs in the context of young adult romantic relationships. Overall, the results provided strong
support for our hypotheses. Participants who described themselves as having either an anxiousambivalent or an avoidant adult attachment style endorsed signicantly more relationship-specic irrational beliefs than those with a secure adult attachment style. As attachment style provides a framework for how individuals conceptualize close relationships, beginning with the
primary caregiver in childhood and shifting to romantic partners in adulthood, an insecure
attachment style may lead to the development of a more vulnerable self-concept. This fragile selfconcept may foster a greater adherence to irrational beliefs, either from modeling awed familial
relationships or as a defense for coping with them. Over time, these irrational worldviews may
hinder or obstruct an individual from achieving basic relational goals.
Despite the absence of gender dierences for the overall indicator of irrational beliefs, analyses
revealed interesting gender dierences for particular subscales of the RBI. Women demonstrated
greater irrationality regarding beliefs that disagreement is destructive and that partners cannot
change. For men, greater irrationality was reported regarding sexual perfectionism in relationTable 2
Correlations of relationship-specic irrational beliefs and relationship satisfaction by gender
RBIa variable

Relationship satisfaction
Males

Partners cannot change

The sexes are dierent
Disagreement is destructive
Mind reading is expected
Sexual perfectionism
Total score
a

RBI=Relationship Belief Inventory.

* P< 0.08.
** P< 0.05.
*** P< 0.01.

0.32**
0.41***
0.02
0.01
0.26*
0.29*

Females
0.27**
0.34***
0.23*
0.04
0.00
0.27**

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1427

ships. These gender dierences converge with the scripts of traditional masculine and feminine
gender roles (Bem, 1993).
Research has demonstrated that, compared to men, women are more sensitive to potential
problems in a relationship (Choo, Levine, & Hateld, 1996), as well as actual problems occurring
in their marital relationships (Wood, Rhodes, & Whelan, 1989). This may lead them to be more
likely to view disagreement as threatening to a romance. Sample statements from the Disagreement is destructive subscale include I get very upset when my partner and I cannot see things the
same way, and When my partner and I disagree, I feel like our relationship is falling apart.
Similarly, women socialized in more traditional ways may think they should be satised with their
partner in all areas and not expect him to change. Sample statements from the Partners cannot
change subscale are My partner does not seem capable of behaving other than s/he does now,
and I do not expect my partner to be able to change. A more traditionally masculine socialization pattern can be seen in the content of the Sexual perfectionism subscale. This irrational
belief cluster includes items such as the following: I get upset if I think I have not completely
satised my partner sexually, A good sexual partner can get himself/herself aroused for sex
whenever necessary, and If I cannot perform well sexually whenever my partner is in the mood,
I would consider that I have a problem. These assertions are more likely the product of a traditional male gender role, representing an image of masculinity that may be particularly salient
for this sample with a mean age of 18.9 years.
Analyses revealed signicant negative correlations between these dysfunctional relationship
beliefs and relationship satisfaction for both genders, ndings that support the previous research
in this area (Epstein & Eidelson, 1981; Metts & Cupach, 1990). As relationship-specic irrational
beliefs are considered to be relatively stable expectations about how relationships and partners
function, it follows that adhering to such beliefs would impede relationship satisfaction. For
example, an individual with an avoidant adult attachment style who believes that disagreement is
destructive may be less prone to talk openly about relationship problems. Adherence to the irrational belief that partners cannot change could further reduce the likelihood for timely correctives
or relationship-mending behaviors.
The results also indicated that securely attached participants reported a higher level of relationship satisfaction than did either group of participants with an insecure attachment style, a
nding that converges with the existent attachment literature (Brennan & Shaver, 1995; Collins &
Read, 1990; Simpson, 1990). An insecure adult who experienced unsatisfying and unfullled
relationships as an infant would presumably enter an adult romantic relationship with the same
expectations. In the same way, a secure individual who experienced safety and comfort as an
infant would enter a romantic relationship anticipating a similar environment. Clinicians working
with an individual or couple in a therapeutic relationship should be cognizant of these associations. An individuals unique relationship with an attachment gure furnishes a framework for
an individual within which information about the self and the world is organized into a structured
whole. During this process, an insecure background, and thus a vulnerable self-concept, may
promote the acceptance of irrational and contradictory self-defeating beliefs.
Additional longitudinal research is needed to explore the development of these irrational beliefs
in childhood, particularly for those with relational aws who are most at risk for developing
insecure adult attachment styles. As dierential patterns of gender role socialization may shape
the particular types of irrational relationship beliefs that are held, researchers would do well to

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consider incorporating both gender and gender role into future research on specic irrational
belief clusters. Another direction for further study would be the examination of the interplay and
dynamics of these variables for both married and divorcing couples. Attachment style appears to
inuence interpersonal functioning beyond the childhood and adolescent years, and thus holds
promise as a key individual dierences variable in lifespan developmental research.

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