Student: Yeltsin Loango

Topic Selection: The essay focuses on a specific conflict.

4/4

Title: The title should be both creative and informative.

1/2

Thesis: The essay does not need to have an argument, but it has a clear purpose
and main idea that is clearly stated. This controlling idea may not necessarily be
stated in the introduction.
5/7

Development/Support: Ideas are fully developed and supported. The writer includes
sensory details and/or dialogue to bring the story to life.
5/8

Organization: The ideas appear in a logical order; the paper uses transitions to
move from one idea to the next. The narrative has a beginning, a middle, and an
end.
2/3

Spelling/Grammar/Mechanics: The paper is virtually free of spelling, grammar, or

mechanical errors.
3/3

MLA Formatting: The paper uses MLA formatting, including 12 point Times New
Roman font, double spacing, one inch margins, etc.
3/3

Page Length: The paper is at least 2-3 complete pages long. Papers less than 2
complete pages will not earn a passing grade.
Yes/No
Passing/Almost Passing/Not Passing Yet
Final Score 23/30
Comments: You have a very clear conflict here which lead to your eventual
appreciation of soccer. I think that the message of the story is implicitly clear, but it
could be spelled out a bit more. Is it about not quitting things? You have some
dialogue here, but I think you could give more sensory details and dialogue. What
did your mom say to you when you left for away games? What did it feel like
running around the field? Watch out for comma splices and run-on sentences. The
first paragraph seems unnecessary since you discuss all of this in the subsequent
paragraphs; you should get right to the story so you can give more details.