Waleed Sami

Family Geneogram
Family Therapy
04/11/15
Family Genogram
In, The Genogram Journey, I was of course, confronted by the specter of my family, and
the myths, stories, and secrets that exist in our family. Furthermore, constructing a visual
genogram and discussing the patterns with my mother was indispensable to learning and seeing
the various patterns at play within the family. My mother was indispensable to my reflection of
the family, and our unique patterns that were realized when she yielded her information. My
father however, was estranged is estranged from the family and has been for many years. Getting
his input was of course difficult. However, my mom has extensive knowledge about how he
grew up and his extended family, and these were interesting holes to fill in my reflections.
We are a small family that has been through a lot, including migration and loss. This is
further compounded by the fact that none of our extended family live close to us, let alone in the
same country. This makes their day to day impact on us minimal. They are all related to my
mother, so she is the gateway into their world, and any influence that stems through them, must
be interpreted by her first. My father was estranged and abusive throughout his stay in the family.
He finally left when I was 14, and it took 4 years of a nasty divorce between both of my parents
to make it official. Needless to say, this inflicts a lot of trauma. A small cocoon exists between
my mother, younger sister, and me. However, as The Genogram Journey, has shown, family

myths, perceptions, and roles get passed down overtly or subconsciously throughout the family
and influence all relationships. For example, my mother has seen the negative effects a sister-inlaw can have on the family. Our family comes from Pakistan, which emphasizes a strong
collectivist culture. Naturally, families live together, even when they are married. Even if the
children move away, they are expected to keep involved in their families and extended families,
not to mention their in-laws. There is a strong influence, especially for men to be a refuge and
protector for their sister and mothers. My mom and her sisters all happened to go through
varying troubles in their marriages, where cultural support from their brothers kicked in.
However, all of my uncles wives created divisions between their families by not allowing their
husbands to take their roles. Consequently, it has become a common story and paradigm for
women on my family to react with utmost fear and suspicion when regarding girlfriends and
wives for their sons, which has naturally caused tension between my mom and myself. They are
consistently concerned that a woman will enter the family who will create divisions between her
son and his family. These types of rules provide context for family engagement, and rules and
values, (McGoldrick, 2011). Another example of stories and rules that influenced my family is
the understanding of patriarch, one who is generous and provides for everything. My grandfather
is known throughout the family for being that stabilizing patriarch. His father passed away when
he was young, leaving a young widow and a few young boys behind. My grandfather dropped
out of school and took responsibility for raising the family. He worked odd jobs all over the
British Raj and from them, he supported his younger brothers education and helped them get
married and paid for their weddings. My grandfather was also able to start one of the most
successful buisnesses after the Partition, and involved his family in them, and provided a very
upper-middle class lifestyle. His mother, my moms grandmother, was also a superwoman. She

was able to raise multiple sons by herself as a single mom, and being an icon of a wise and
strong matriarch. These are some of the important ways families assign characteristics, and
create archetypes that run in families for generations, (McGoldrick, 2011). With my father
estranged, my mom reverted back to her archetypes, and expected great things and responsibility
from me at a young age, which has caused conflicts, as one can imagine. In our culture and our
familys expectations, it is considered moral and honorable to put your family before your own
self-actualization. Upon reflecting on the genogram, and reading the book, I cant help but notice
that my mom and I have ingrained those archetype and expectations.
As with family histories, stress impacts families greatly, like my own. We all carried
stress from dads actions towards our family. However, in examining his history, I find patterns
that the author describes. He had a difficult relationship with his father. Furthermore, he had
several family members, who did not get married (which was strongly going against the culture
of that time,). Family members that stand out against the dominant culture always leave a mark
on families, (McGoldrick, 2011). He often repeated that he had the same mentality as them. It
wouldnt take a psychologist to predict the kind of tensions that would ensue. The greatest stress
hit our family when he left, and we were plunged to the edge of financial and emotional
difficulty. 11 years later, we are still recovering through the difficult process. From the studying
the text, our family reacted with enmeshment, we bonded and came closer to each other, but at
the cost of conformity and not validating each others actualization, (McGoldrick, 2011).
Furthermore, our moms happiness became paramount, as we saw her struggle to maintain a
somewhat functioning household by herself. My sister and I were deeply concerned and still are
about the need to make her happy. With that, came the inevitable entanglements, such as living a
lifestyle she was happy with. As the text describes, this leads to a natural sacrifice of direct

communication, (McGoldrick, 2011). Likewise, since we have only us three, we do prioritize

togetherness, at the expense of always agreeing and demanding loyalty, (McGoldrick, 2011).
Investigating your family genogram and seeing the patterns that it creates is essential to
understanding and unpacking your history as a counselor. Even if one does not go into family
therapy, the need to understand familys influence on an individual will be paramount in order to
deliver successful services.

References:
McGoldrick, M. (2011). The genogram journey: Reconnecting with your family (Rev. ed.).
New York: W.W. Norton.