Understanding--Empathy--Compassion--Welfare--Safety--Encouragement--Sincerity--Connectedness

ConnectZone Building Connectedness in Schools Bev Ogilvie

4. Achieving Our Human Potential Pg. 39

Everyone can fill their human potential when provided with a nurturing environment
Need to provide an environment that conducive to growth and true maturation of children
Growth is the result of 3 processes: Adaptive (resilience), emergent (ability to function independently),
integrative (togetherness but separate)
Resilient, adaptive person is made, not born.
Most influential factor is social environment in which child is raised
Supportive social networks vital for both the child and the guardian It takes a village to raise a child

Steps for Educators Page 41

look beyond problematic behaviour to emotional roots

mindful that many children come emotionally armoured due to chaos, neglect, violence

understand the role of the human brain in protecting feelings that are too overwhelming

focus on developing qualities and creating conditions that contribute to a sense of belonging and
connectedness, while promoting positive mental health

Key points: Pg. 41

Understanding--Empathy--Compassion--Welfare--Safety--Encouragement--Sincerity--Connectedness
5. Preventing or Intervening in Challenging Behaviour lens of connectedness - Pg. 45

Critical questions that need to be answered

Do students trust staff member in lead?
Do students trust staff member will look after them?
Do students trust staff member will do the right thing?
Do students trust staff member will handle situations in a fair and responsible manner?
Much of what is practiced in the education system comes from a 'deficit' approach only thing considered is
what a child cannot do.
Important to remember to:
Acknowledge a child's strengths
naming, knowing, nurturing their 'sparks'

Have a positive and healthy philosophy

codes for disciplining but no philosophy that explains why a student is 'exploding' or 'imploding' and
how to teach them skills they need in order to stop doing so.
'children do well if they are able to' philosophy

Have a clear understanding of the true nature of a child's difficulties

behind every behaviour is an unsolved problem or lagging skill or both
leads to critical delays in development of skills relating to flexibility and frustration
can give impression that child is being non-compliant
believing a child is refusing to cooperate leads adults down a dead end.

Provide children with opportunities for social and emotional learning

brain lock or neural hijacking - when stuck in midst of frustration
need executive, language, processing, emotion regulation, cognitive flexibility and social skills.
Need to provide opportunities for problems to be solved and skills to be leaned and practiced.

Encourage the formation of community of learners, wherein a social curriculum is emphasized as much
as the academic curriculum.
Teachers act as role models
opportunities for students to engage I cooperative learning to practice social interactions

Harness the power of relationships

Be purposeful and intentional when connecting children to adults
Are schools linking people on a common journey back to the basics, to what is important, to our
humanity and our hearts?
Adult child problem-solving for teaching strengthening skills + helping children solve problems.

Understand that children are wired to cooperate

Children respond to being understood and to collaborative approaches
Main difference between collaborative problem-solving and positive behaviour support (PBS)
Collaborative problem-solving lets child know the solution to the problem is not predetermined, it is
something the adult is doing with him/her problem-solving teammates.
children are held accountable through their participation in a process that they identify with and
articulate their concerns or perspectives, while taking into account those of the adult.
This approach compassionately and productively engages child in discussion.

Understanding--Empathy--Compassion--Welfare--Safety--Encouragement--Sincerity--Connectedness
when trust is lacking, student achievement suffers. Conversely, when schools build a culture of calmness,
collaborative problem-solving and connectedness, student aggression decreases
6. Crisis Development: Connectedness Model Pg. 54
Behaviour Level

Staff attitude/approach

A. Unrest

Connect, attend to, show interest in, the child' create an

environment of trust and compassion; act as child's
compass point/guide.

B. Alarm

Focus less on behaviour, more on context of relationship;

alter situations and circumstances that trigger problem
behaviour.

C. Agitation (fight or flight or freeze)

Focus on safety; shield from threat.

D. Calm and rest

Focus on restoring the relationship with the child; foster

awareness of what alarms the child ie. Frustration,
pursuit, fear.

Important considerations:
Under severe stress, everyone becomes less rational, less empathetic + more impulsive - Internal states
generated by alarm + threat profoundly affect ones capacity for thought and control over one's behaviour
Threat pushes us to rely on lower, more primitive regions of the brain.
Level of arousal affects ability to make good choices
Persistent stress alters the biology of the brain
Remove a child's stress by being respectful, patient and understanding.
Crucial to teach kids how to relate
Empathy is the foundation of pro-social behaviour it produces kindness/calmness, both which create safety.
Understanding this arousal continuum reveals a lot about how the world works. If we want a kinder, more caring
society, people need more experiences and places in which they feel safe. If we want to be kind to others or have
others respond with empathy toward us, we need to minimize unpredictable and highly tense situations and maximize
our ability to deal with ordinary stress (Page. 55)
Developing compassion starts with YOU, the teacher, in your classroom. Your attitude, in particular, and the words
you choose can determine the outcome of an interaction, and escalate or de-escalate the situation.
Handle them carefully for words have more power than the atom bomb - Pearl Strachan
Power of words:
can communicate hope, possibility and optimism
positive emotions feelings of gratitude and joy
difference between 'sit down' and 'would you please take a seat'
evokes welfare, safety and security
** Questions to ask yourself as a teacher page 56 **

Understanding--Empathy--Compassion--Welfare--Safety--Encouragement--Sincerity--Connectedness
A person's world is only as big as their heart - Tanya A. Moore
7. Understanding the Child from the Inside Out (Pg. 60)

Children are meant to depend on adults they need to rest in our care
If care is lacking, they may look elsewhere for it as a result, other behaviours may kick in
Internal states generated by alarm and threat profoundly affect one's capacity for thought and control of one's
behaviour when calm we are more creative and productive.
Reactions are driven by the cortex and neocortex, allowing us to respond to flexibly, nurturing and enriching
approaches and even plan for the future under threat, solutions are more reactive and regressive.

High alarm or terror results in:

attention focuses on what threatens, what is wrong or unsafe
focuses on avoiding harm to their own body
physiologically reactions driven by lower areas of the brain
no rational thinking, just reflexive responses directed to self-preservation
Arousal Continuum:
calmness slight apprehension fear panic
Understanding arousal continuum helps understand why people are kinder and more considerate when calm
Tuning out
Children who are 'tuned out' and seemingly lack in caution, concern or care are may be:
feeling unsafe and defensive
facing unbearable separation, rejection or attachment loss
feeling insignificant or not mattering
feeling unknown, not being liked, of of being too much to handle
feeling excluded

Children may alternate between two states:

Alarm State: elevated heart rate + blood pressure; could produce sadness-filled tantrums, rage and physical
manifestations such as climbing on things and hyperactivity
Dissociative State: dull, spacey moods, feelings of numbness, depression, lowered heart rate and blood
pressure, withdrawal, becoming physically small and distant

Brain Research

Educators encouraged to be up to speed on the latest brain research! (Pg. 62)

We need to be aware of what shapes a child's behaviour and acknowledge the emotional needs of our
children.
Poor relationships with adults = increased stress and anxiety = state of unrest and alarm.
Arousal state = loss of control, impulsive and aggressive behaviour
Don't punish, HELP ) - pg. 63/64

Provide stability through routine and predictability

Provide consistency and familiarity

Offer affection and close attention

Nurture physical and emotional closeness

Understanding--Empathy--Compassion--Welfare--Safety--Encouragement--Sincerity--Connectedness

Listen with an empathic, open heart

Pattern repetitive experiences in a safe environment, appropriate to children's developmental needs.

Expose them to developmentally appropriate enrichment experiences, such as rocking and being held in a
respectful caring manner,

use music, dance and massage to stimulate lower brain regions that contain key regulatory
neurotransmitter systems involved in the stress response.

Provide opportunities for them to have a sense of control over who they talk to and what they discuss, and
to process at their own pace, in their own ways.

Decrease chaos and stress levels in the classroom, as well as sensory overload

Encourage ongoing supportive, stable relationships, including peer relationships

Heal through a nurturing community and a rich social world

Reconnect them with those things that provide a sense of connection, aliveness and safety

Teach them alternative coping skills and promote relaxation in the classroom.

Teach them about the brain and that outbursts are often prompted by frustration, a sense of rejection and
feeling misunderstood.

Promote cross-organizational communication and planning.

***Many children grow up with underdeveloped limbic and relational neural systems that limit them to shallow,
superficial relationships. This faulty relational neurobiology explains their inability to derive pleasure from healthy
human relationships, their lack of interest in people and their lack of empathy. Because their brains are still
developing, young children are at greater risk of suffering lasting effects of trauma.
Story of Jonah - I am walking home

Birth mom an addict

Would go days without seeing his mom
Found living in a crack house
Challenged by neurological damage to brain (mom's addictions) and by traumatic life situation
Lived in a foster home with sister and two grandchildren of foster parents
Connected with teachers at school felt safe and supported.
One day, foster parents had to move, so Jonah had to switch schools
Behaviour and aggression spiraled downhill at new school due to lack of connectedness and of feeling safe.
Switched schools and foster homes several times
Old school requested him back, but they were denied

Story demonstrates how human connection can reduce sense of aloneness and terror
Demonstrates power of being deeply and safely connected to caring adults, which, children to feel their
feelings especially the tender, vulnerable ones so they can be moved to caution rest and growth.

Understanding--Empathy--Compassion--Welfare--Safety--Encouragement--Sincerity--Connectedness
Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all
8. Soliciting a child's good intentions Pg. 70

Safe discipline by ensuring that it is applied in a context of connection

Educators default to bossing children
Children do well if they are connected to adults
Expect children to make good choices and face the consequences if they don't but many children lack the skills
and maturity to do so (adaptive and integrative functionality).
Consequence usually dictated by adult instead of creating it collaboratively with child.
Should focus on child's desire to be good and have good intentions work alongside child with mutual trust.
Ex. If child gets into a fight, focus on good intentions rather than misbehaviour; be supportive and encouraging
while reminding him that fighting won't work for him.

Story of E kicking the portable - Seeing a child's good intentions

One day sitting in the office with his teacher, Lis, and says I am going to fix your portable
Since his language was limited, she didn't have a clear sense of what he meant
Next day at recess, she noticed that he had gathered a couple of friends and they were kicking the side boards
Another teacher ran up and yelled at them for destroying school property she then ran into the building
looking for the school prinicipal
Lis asked what the boys were doing and student E explained they were kicking away the rotten boards so that
new boards could be put on.
He smiled and said he knew what he was doing as he had watched his father fix things around the house.
Principal came out and the situation was explained by Liz. The next day they had a carpenter come out to fix
the portable and asked student E to help.

Understanding--Empathy--Compassion--Welfare--Safety--Encouragement--Sincerity--Connectedness
I do not need anger management, I simply need to be understood
10. Understanding the Emotional Roots of Behaviour Pg. 86
FBA Functional Behavioural Assessment
Purpose:
insight and clarity into reasons for challenging behaviour
understand structure and function of behaviour
promote effective staff responses so behaviour can be eliminated/modified to facilitate healthy behaviours
individualize and structure students' learning environments to support educational needs
maximize effectiveness and efficiency of behaviour support.
Staff identifies factors antecedents (triggers/predictors) and consequences (results)
Behaviour described: what it looks like, how often it happens, how long it lasts + how severe or dangerous it is.
Behaviour Intervention Plan
identify preventative practices and replacement behaviors that can be implemented
provided proactive strategies that allow students to access appropriate educational environments
identify positive and negative consequences + practices for maintaining positive behaviour
value the uniqueness of each child as well as strengths and weaknesses
**FBA focuses on problematic behaviour and teaching replacement behaviour missing emotional component and
important goal of realizing human potential**
Realizing Human potential Pg. 88
ability to simultaneously handle togetherness and separation and to function independently. Comprised of
three elements in the maturation process: Adaptive, Integrative, Emergent.
FDI Functional Development Inventory (Ogilvie & Kroeker, 2009) Pg. 89
Examines emotional impediments to maturation
context of relationship, not behaviour
growth/development result of being in deeply fulfilling relationships with adults
Emergence
child being able to stand on his/her own two feet viability as a separate being
not an inevitable process
depends on child's relational needs being met
gives rise to many attributes: sense of responsibility, accountability, uriosity, interest, boundaries, respect for
others, individuality, personhood.
Integrative Functioning
Social integration, taking into account the perspectives of others
Mixing of elements to create a new whole
Mixing produces perspective, balance and emotional/social maturity
Mixing without blending - togetherness without loss of separateness
Adaptation
Resilience learn from mistakes, benefit from failure, changed for the better
coming to terms with something that cannot be changed

Understanding--Empathy--Compassion--Welfare--Safety--Encouragement--Sincerity--Connectedness
Being Vulnerable and Finding Compassion:
connecting with children brings us face to face with our own emotions, impulsiveness and inner conflict
necessary to feel our sadness and disappointment when things do not go our way
risk become emotionally hardened if do not face/feel sadness
find compassion for ourselves and accept that sometimes frustration will get in the way
Amid mixed feelings, it is possible to achieve clarity, balance and perspective
Softening our hearts as teachers
Students emotions behind misbehaviour

Teacher emotions as a result of misbehaviour

Feeling of not belonging

Perceiving student behaviour as lack of care

Perceiving that adults in the school do not care

Feeling undervalued

Being punished without having a chance to explain

Feeling overwhelmed

Despair

Anger

Being misunderstood

Disappointment

Frustration gone foul

Inadequacy

lost childhoods (as a result of poverty, abuse and

substance abuse issues)

Frustration

Feeling like they don't exist

Disengagement
Hurt
Sad

** Defending against vulnerability is a protective mechanism involving emotional and perceptual filters that screen out
information that the person would find to wounding or painful**

As teachers we need to soften our hearts

Start viewing misbehaviour as a form of communication
Stop seeing the negative in a child's behaviour and focus on their good intentions
Invite them to exist in our caring presence