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1384 points 1341 comments

What's your psycho ex story?


4627

...and 41 more

What did your parents allow you to do as a kid that your friends were not
allowed to do and you now realize was bad parenting by your
parents? (self.AskReddit)
submitted 21 hours ago by Acenose

5044 comments

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[]xplasticastle 5478 points 19 hours ago

My mom used to buy me cigarettes when I was a teenager. I thought it was cool.
Now that I'm a parent, I'm like... fuck.

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[]inaliyb 3671 points 18 hours ago

This is how I feel about parents that buy their kids alcohol. As a teenager it was
so cool. Sweet, Timmy! Where'd you get that handle of whisky?...Your
mom? Awesome!
Now I'm like, what the fuck? What kind of responsible parent does that? A
beer/glass of wine at dinner is one thing, my parents did that and I didn't think it
was crazy. But buying and giving your teen a shit ton of hard liquor and letting
them drive off with it on a Friday night?!
Shit, be a good parent and make them get it from an older sibling like everyone
else.

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[]Valdrax 2959 points 17 hours ago

Shit, be a good parent and make them get it from an older sibling like everyone
else.
As an older sibling, I feel my "now that you're old enough, they are too, because
it wouldn't be fair otherwise" rage button getting pressed.
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[]armyROTCguy12 2433 points 16 hours ago*

I'm 2 years older than my brother and the good child. I went off to college with
no issues. I gave my parents the once a week 10 min call and had no issues. My
little brother goes off to college and suddenly I have a curfew when I'm home, my
parents make me call them at midnight friday and saturday nights to ensure I'm
at my apartment and my girlfriend got calls asking where I was (we went to
different schools).
They weren't paying for my school so I eventually just stopped. Caused a huge
rift with my parents that wasn't solved until my lil bro got expelled for bringing
meth and a gun into the dorms and they got a divorce.

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[]demosthenes384322 1980 points 15 hours ago

Jesus. That went bad fast.

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[]visualspeak 1255 points 13h

Probably because he stopped calling :(

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[]icanseeinfinity 371 points 12h

It's all little Timny's fault that mommy and daddy don't love each other anymore.

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[]Werdna_I 906 points 16h

Us oldest siblings are ripped off by shit like that all the time

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[]Gonzobot 1544 points 14h

Yup. I offered to buy my parents car from them last summer, as I was using it
nearly daily and they were making me pay for oil changes as well as gas. Offered
them a grand over market value, with the promise that they still got to use it
whenever, same arrangement as we had, but the added benefit of I get some
collateral to my name and they get a new car. Wouldn't have it.
Three months later I'm struggling to get a shitbox sunfire, that I bought cheap
from a friend, on the road so I can actually have a car to my name.
They gave their car to my little brother and bought a new car. Because he needed
to go to work every day.
My brother and I were carpooling. We worked across the street from each
other. And he wrecked that car not six months later, while I had to move out of
town to afford rent, and sell my car for scrap. They ask me why I don't call; this
is just one reason.

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[]fuck_off_clarence 584 points 13h

This makes me furious, what the hell?

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[]Vrael22 359 points 12h

Oldest sibling syndrome. It sucks ass.

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[]sailthetethys 518 points 11h

I feel like this goes a little bit beyond that though?


Oldest Sibling Syndrome is like "My little sister is allowed to have boys up in her
room but I wasn't allowed to date at her age" not "My parents caused my life to
go to shit because they like my little brother better."

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[]ajax6677 142 points 9h

Check out Golden Child/Scapegoat syndrome. Much more apt and fubar'd.

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[]Nosferatii 108 points 13h

Blood. Boiling.

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[]gullibleboy 673 points 13h

It's tough being the responsible, oldest, sibling. I've had some money issues that
I struggled through. I would never dream of asking for the money from my
parents. My younger sister, on the other hand, had no problems asking for things.
A car, no problem. A house, no problem. Help in paying the property taxes on the
new house, no problem.
But, I have to say she paid it all back when my father became too sick to take
care of himself. She converted a room, in her house, for him. And took care of
him until he passed away.

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[]Hope915 576 points 11h

Last paragraph: anger defused.

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[]ThrowAwayAcct0000 197 points 12h

It sounds like she's trying to be a good daughter: can't fault her for that.

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[]Ubermaniacal 137 points 11h

Yeah honestly, I feel like your parents would be willing to help you as well, but
you don't want to ask, whereas she has no issue.

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[]Momorules99 458 points 13h

Meanwhile I am the oldest but have the same early as fuck 'bed time' as my little
sisters who are 6 and 7. All because it wouldn't be fair to them if i got to stay up

later. So I am confined to my room by 8 pm every night and my parents won't


hear anything about it. Like seriously, I'm in high school for fucks sake, let me
stay up and do stuff until a normal time!

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[]twobits9 705 points 11h

Your parents are having sex right now.

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[]sailthetethys 240 points 11h

Yeah, this just sounds like they don't want you roaming the halls during the orgy
they have with the neighbors.

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[]Unseenmonument 218 points 11h

Funny enough, I had an 11 o'clock bedtime until around 10th or 11th grade. I
stormed into my mother's room all authoritative and demanded my "bedtime" be
lifted because I was too old for one...
She literally laughed at me and said, "Okay. I was wondering when you were
going to ask for that."
I felt stupid for not asking earlier.

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[]oliviathecf 661 points 17h

My mom started to buy me wine and beer (or cider) when I turned eighteen. I
think it's a good thing, if I were to go and party (never did it in high school and I
didn't go to college), I would know my limits.
It's legal in my state anyway.
She won't buy me hard liquor though, which makes sense to me. I agree, a bottle
of wine or a six pack of beers is fine, a jug of whiskey...not so much. But I think
it's good to teach your kids tolerance before they hit 21 so they don't go fucking
crazy and drink far too much.
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[]inaliyb 549 points 17h

See, I think being cool about it is one thing...but to actually supply it? I dunno.
My parents didn't pretend that I waited until I was 21 to have my first drink. After
I went off to college I was pretty much given free reign of the beers and wine in
the house. Nobody needs to pretend like a college-aged kid doesn't drink. And
before that we wouldn't talk about it, but my parents always made it clear that I
could call them if I needed a ride, and didn't question me too much if I called at
11 pm on a Saturday and had suddenly decided to spend the night at my friend's
house instead of driving home.
And I think I turned out alright. When I went off to college I didn't go too crazy. I
had already gotten drunk a few times before and knew what I liked and what my
limits were.
I think it's good to not treat alcohol like this forbidden fruit. But I don't think I
would ever buy my kid booze of their own. You're not driving anywhere tonight
and want to have a beer or two with mom and pop? Sure. You think this
margarita looks extra tasty and want to whip one up yourself? Go for it.
But if you wanna get hammered, you're gonna have to obtain your booze the
American way: calling every single 21+ person you and your friends know for 3
hours just to spend twice as much on a fifth of vodka once someone's older
brother says yes. It builds character.

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[]Gaylordpussyfucker 214 points 14h

Meh, honestly man the drinking age in some Provinces in Canada is 18. Those
provinces border with the states, you can travel 2km across the border and
legally buy alcohol 3 years earlier. Theres nothing wrong with buying an adult
who can go to war, vote, sign papers, get married, go to prison, etc a few beers.

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[]Fairwhetherfriend 385 points 17h

I only had one friend whose mom would buy us alcohol when I was a teen, but
she had the caveat that we then had to drink it at her house while she was home.
She knew we were going to get our hands on it somehow anyway, and this way,
she could keep an eye on us while we were drunk.
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[]nahht 147 points 13h

Not like a regular mom, I'm a COOL mom

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[]Fairwhetherfriend 225 points 13h

More like "Not like a regular mom, I recognize that using childish scare tactics to
demand you never drink isn't going to work, so I'd rather see you drink in a safe
and supervised situation than in secret."
But, you know. Yours is cool too.

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[]Platano_Power 4656 points 17h

My dad being Dominican, he didn't give a shit about anything adult themed. His
mentality was that "he's going to see it eventually, anyways".
One time when I was 7, I asked my dad to buy me a copy of GTA: Vice City at EB
Games (shout out if you remember them). When we were at the register, the lady
noticed my wide-eyed, eager face as she was scanning this corruption of a game.
She proceeded to look at my father with slight concern and said "Sir may I
remind you this game is usually for people 17 and over."
Then my father, having no American etiquette, replied in his thick Dominican
accent:
"What? Isn't it just some teeties and poosy? Maybe some blood? I see no
problem, chica".
My dad was cool

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[]TheCoolman78 2093 points 14h

BIG
AMERICAN
TEETEES

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[]TBarnett0081 344 points 13h

Do you want to go bowling?


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[]Mokbelly 1227 points 15h

EB Games still exists in Australia

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[]spaghetti_carbonara 706 points 14h

still exists in canada too


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[]Bankzu 156 points 14h

It's called GameStop here in Sweden.

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[]eltomato159 239 points 13h

Canada has both GameStop and EB games, idk why. They're owned by the same
company

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[]GenericRedditor305 646 points 13h

Your dad sounds like a GTA character lol

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[]Electric999999 432 points 13h

This thread is for stuff you later realised was bad parenting.

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[]kingbane 317 points 14h

op requested examples of bad parenting not great parenting!

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[]drayguy500 179 points 15h

Ooh yeah I like teeties

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[]LordFirebeard 4077 points 20h

Just a shit ton of sugary snacks. Holy shit I ate so much sugar as a kid.

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[]jestergoblin 832 points 19h

We ate at McDonalds at least once a week for probably 15 years. I still don't know
why my mom took us there so often.

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[]plastic-indians 2333 points 18h

Probably because it was a treat and it made you guys happy.


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[]Twelvety 1623 points 16h

That bitch.

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[]maumacd 888 points 15h

Probably because it kept her from strangling her kids while they whined about
what was for dinner after she just got off a long day of work.

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[]Username-Novercane 140 points 14h

Wow, sounds like you've been there

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[]TheBKaine 561 points 17h

Once a week doesn't sound bad.


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[]peppermint-pie 379 points 16h

It's not. People on Reddit will act like it's the end of the world to get fast food, but
no one is gaining weight or getting unhealthy on one cheeseburger+fries per
week.

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[]7teen38 152 points 18h

Hey this was our treat too, going to mcdonalds once or twice every month,
getting a happy meal and playing at the play pen.
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[]Bonobo_Handshake 705 points 17h

My mom still buys me packs of cookies, and chocolate when I go home (I'm 25
now), I'm such a chocolate fiend now, which I'm sure is related to the loads of
sugar snacks.
Mind you, I wouldn't change it.

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[]technos 3545 points 17h

When I was 16, I remember calling my mother at 9pm (I was due home a little
after ten) and telling her I wouldn't be home for a while.
Mom: Oh, going to stay over at someone's house? Do I have the number?
Me: Well, no. $girlfriend and I kind of got lost hiking. We only got back to the
truck a few minutes ago and..

Mom: Okay. What park did you go to?


Me: That's the thing.. We went to see the Allegheny mountains..
Mom: So you're in New York, great. Can you get a camping spot for the night? I
don't want you out driving at 3am.
Me: I'm sure I can, but..
Mom: Just camp in the car tonight, I'll call $girlfriends parents and explain.
Me: Thanks, Mom..
Mom: Does $girlfriend have her license with her?
Me: Yeah, but she's not on my insurance..
Mom: No, dummy. If she has ID you can drive back through Canada and see
Niagara on your way home. It's really pretty.

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[]Acenose [S] 2154 points 17h

LOL. Sounds like your mom was trying to wingman for you. Thanks for your
answer!

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[]siegewolf 1803 points 15h

That sounds like good parenting. She didn't want you driving home tired.

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[]peekay427 289 points 11h

I'm 41 and my mom still offers to pay for a hotel room if I get too tired every
time I'm driving overnight or on a long trip. It's sweet, even if I've never taken
her up on it.
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[]Cheef_Baconator 1031 points 16h

I think your mom was trying to get you laid.

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[]CappuccinoBoy 519 points 15h

"Come on, I want grand kids some time soon."


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[]sa130r 153 points 14h

If I had a nickel for every time I heard that... Dammit guys, I'm only 21

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[]ClownFire 933 points 15h

I honestly do not see how this is bad parenting.


I would truly love to hear your perspective on why you feel it is.

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[]blanketswithsmallpox 520 points 14h

Agreed. This seems about as responsible as you can get when your kid does some
dumb shit like get lost in the woods at midnight.
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[]DankMemeTrainV2 247 points 17h

Wingwomen Mom, what a g

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[]dragoncrown 3255 points 20h

Let me watch whatever violent/scary movie, but any kind of nudity and they
would cover my eyes. I was so traumatized by those scary movies. I think I could
have handled boobs just fine.

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[]20150506 1244 points 20h

It's in the wrist.

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[]glencocobutter 747 points 18h

Yeah.. How come 8 year old me was allowed to watch the Shining but teenage me
was too young for Brokeback Mountain?

What I don't understand is that I watched scary movies all throughout my


childhood, and now that I'm an adult I have to cover my eyes if there is even a
commercial for a scary movie. I can't handle them at all now. I don't just get
jumping at the scary scenes and maybe having trouble sleeping scared, but I will
cry tears and be afraid to be alone in broad daylight.

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[]HorseIsHypnotist 209 points 17h

I watched scary movies as a kid because my brother was a teenager when I was
little and my mom was at work all the time. I also can't remotely handle scary
movies now either.
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[]not_a_ham 364 points 19h

Same here. Blood and gore were fine, but cover your eyes while I fast forward
through this sex scene.

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[]WaywardTraveler_ 442 points 15h

That's the American way


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[]blanketswithsmallpox 323 points 14h*

Honestly scary movies are wasted on adults. They're practically laughable when
you're older about how absurd they are.
One of my earliest memories is the guy from Hellraiser getting ripped apart by
those chain hooks. My mom talked to each of we three boys about how movies
are fake and for entertainment though so none of them really stuck with me...
Most of it was 'Neat'. The concept in Langoliers was probably my biggest worry.
Existential Crisis when you're young sucks.
Aliens on the other hand. No thanks. I only got over them when I was like... 20.
The thought of them being able to paralyze me with a glance always spooked me.
Then I found them hanging out stealing people from their blankets just as absurd.
If I saw one now I'd probably rage tackle it and snap it's head off like a pez
dispenser.

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[]Felicity_Badporn 2757 points 19h

stay home from school if I wanted to.

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[]annerevenant 2498 points 16h

My parents worked weekends so sometimes they'd ask me whether I felt like


going to school or not on a day they had off during the week and then we'd go
hiking or to a museum. That was elementary school, I was a pretty good kid so as
I got older my parents trusted me when I told them I didn't feel well and they'd
let me stay home.

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[]Felicity_Badporn 1177 points 16h

Thats nice actually.


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[]goingclassic 554 points 14h

My parents never believe me when I was sick. Once I got into school, we had to
wait in the auditorium untill class stated. My dad was working in a different
building so he dropped us off. One minute in i puked everywhere. He picks me up
and I tell him "told you"
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[]ingannilo 367 points 11h

My dad's philosophy, which he shared openly with me, was "You can be sick here
or you can be sick at school. It doesn't make a difference. Get to the bus stop."
I started skipping school in 8th grade and dropped out in 10th.
Much later I went back to community college, university, grad school, blah blah,
but I resented him and school for years.

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[]WebbieVanderquack 286 points 9h*

"You can be sick here or you can be sick at school. It doesn't make a difference."
It totally does make a difference, on several levels. You can't rest at home, which
means recovery is slower; if it's infectious, you're spreading it around; and when
you're at home it's easier to get to the bathroom in a hurry.
Edit: You can't rest at school. (I was too outraged to write good).
I know I'm preaching to the choir here, I'm just very angry on your behalf!

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[]En_TioN 126 points 9h

You can't rest at school


FIFY
That said, I completely agree.

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[]Moal 243 points 12h

That happened to me too! I told my mom I wasn't feeling well, but she made me
go to school anyway. It happened back when my mom didn't have a cell phone,
so after I puked within the first five minutes of the school day, I was stuck waiting
(and puking) in the nurse's office for a good two hours because she couldn't get
ahold of my mom (she was out running errands).
They almost resorted to calling my neighbors to pick me up because they were so
desperate to get me out of there. Turned out I had a nasty case of the stomach
flu. My mom was super apologetic and stopped doubting me when I told her I
wasn't feeling well after that.

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[]CrystalElyse 263 points 14h

My mom did similar. She had off Mondays and Tuesdays, so sometimes I'd skip
and we'd hang out together. Especially if she had gotten season passes to Six
Flags and felt like we hadn't gone enough times yet that year to make it worth it.
After I made it to about 10 and was fine home alone for a few hours, she'd let me
take a "mental health day" as long as I didn't have any test that day and nothing
due.
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[]monkeyeatmusic 212 points 14h

Quality time with your parents is an acceptable replacement to school from time
to time. I mean, if theyre taking you to museums n such, thats learning
opportunities in the best way.
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[]Acenose[S] 525 points 18h

Yea I am glad my mom was a HUGE stickler for going to school, even when I was
sick and the day after I broke my leg... I missed school once and it was because I

had a reallllly contagious flu or strep throat, can't remember exactly what it was
but the school nurse said I had it and had to get cleared by a doctor and the
doctor also said I had it. I was so happy.

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[]Felicity_Badporn 402 points 18h

I have a friend who wasn't feeling well and vocalized his idea to not go to school.
His mom called the police on him and cops come over and scare him into going to
school.
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[]dragn99 920 points 18h

That sounds like a terrible use of the cop's time.

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[]Felicity_Badporn 348 points 17h

Its an uppermiddle class suburb. Literally nothing goes on there. Maybe he


missed a speeding ticket.

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[]Valdrax 162 points 17h

Pretty much the only other thing to do there is arbitrarily pick which neighbors to
enforce city code violations against and which to let get away with anything,
because screw you is why.
*grumble grumble*

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[]catlissa 270 points 17h

By the time I was in 7th grade if I didn't want to go to school I just didn't go. My
mom never said anything and I never said anything. I didn't go anywhere or see
anyone, I just stayed home sleeping and watching Baby Loony Tunes. By the time
Senior year came around I missed atleast 3 days a month. As you can imagine,
this has not resulted in a strong attendance record on any other facet of my life. I
have to force myself to make sure I'm consistently at work.

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[]blinky84 2685 points 20h

Got my first pair of four inch heels at 11 years old, maybe just turned 12. Shiny
black patent mules.
I mean, I begged for those shoes, but as an adult - ew.

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[]Riveris 533 points 19h

Wouldn't that seem kind of uncomfortable?

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[]blinky84 1248 points 19h*

Yeah, but in my 12 year old mind it was worth it to look over 5ft tall.
Edit to add: By 15 I'd worn high heels so much that my tendons shortened and it
was painful to walk in flat shoes or even bare feet. Thankfully I'm no longer an
idiot and have accepted my shortarsedness.
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[]inaliyb 465 points 18h

Fuck, I'm nearing 30 and still can't walk in heels properly. If I know I need to
wear them to some event for to make an outfit work, it is guaranteed I will be
standing still as much as possible, and barefoot/wearing flats whenever I can.
If I tried wearing heels at 12 I would've broken my neck.

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[]synthequated 210 points 17h

If you do want to prep for wearing them for an event, break them in by wearing
them around the house for a while! It lets the shoe get more comfy with your foot
shape and you get to practice balancing in them.

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[]Bettybeans 300 points 13h*

I did this when I got Steve Madden platforms for a wedding. I practiced up stairs
and everything. We get to the venue...cobblestone! Nothing prepared me for that!
I hung on tight to a friend.

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[]1robotsnowman 269 points 16h

My boss is like this. She's an older lady, and has always worn heels, and now
physically can't wear flats. One of my coworkers saw her mowing her lawn in her
heels, and she even has rain boots with heels.

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[]develledia 223 points 14h

My mom let me buy what could be considered stripper heels at maybe 11.
Platforms and glitter. One of the other moms said "I can't believe you let her wear
those" in front of me. Needless to say my mom was pissed off at the other mom.
Looking back I can sort of understand.

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[]azgary 2537 points 20h

Put my shot gun across my bike handle bars and ride out to dove hunt. It was the
60s. Cops and no one paid much attention.

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[]yayalorde 1359 points 17h

I was in high school in the 1980's and I lived in a small, rural town. It was not
uncommon to see people with rifles hanging in gun racks in their trucks parked in
the school parking lot. When it was hunting season kids would bring their rifles to
school and check them in at the office in the morning. You would walk up to the
office and see 30 rifles all leaning up against the wall waiting for kids to pick them
up after school so they could go hunting. Times were very different.

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[]slvrbullet87 448 points 16h

I brought my shotgun to school after deer hunting in 2005. It still exists in small
town America.
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[]ilikecommunitylots 227 points 12h

A lot has changed since 2005

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[]DrDankMemesSJ 139 points 11h

In the 2010s out in Appalachia schools cancel on the first day of hunting season.

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[]Acenose[S] 233 points 20h

Okay I think this one might win. How old were you?

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[]azgary 170 points 19h

16
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[]Forever_sailing 403 points 18h

If you DON'T know how to be safe around firearms by the age of 16 then that's
bad parenting. Trusting you to drive, trusting you with a shotgun, both are
dangerous but by 16 you damn sure should be mature enough to use both.

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[]Dthibzz 204 points 17h

It's not so much having a shotgun, it's the riding a bicycle with it over the
handlebars. That was doesn't seem like good gun handling.

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[]ttak9644kk 170 points 17h

Unloaded it would be fine.

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[]pookrat77 109 points 19h

Did this many o times. Couldn't go unsupervised until we were 12. Cops Game
Wardens. No one gave a second thought about it. This was in the 70's early 80's
for me.
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[]beeboopitty 107 points 18h

Early 2000s, i was around 11-12 years old. Id come home from school,
unsupervised, get in the gun cabinet and grab my .22 rifle and box of shells and
go target shooting outside.

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[]pattperin 108 points 17h

If the shells were in your pocket I legit see no problem with this. Unloaded it can't
hurt anyone, at that point you're biking with a big metal stick on your handlebars

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[]Officeprisoner 2197 points 17h

I mean, not bad parenting as such but my dad left when I was 6 and so was an
uncle dad after that. My mum brought my sister and I up and was very soft.

So until she died when I was 14, I was still getting away with sleeping in her bed
when she hadn't the heart to put me back when I was sneaking in as a toddler.
So when she died, you can imagine what my grandmother had to deal with - not
only two grieving teenagers in the heights of hormone possession but two
grieving teenagers who hadn't been 'bed trained' and so cried at night being left
'alone'.

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[]3littlebirdies 697 points 15h

That sounds really tough, I'm sorry you had to deal with all of that. I hope your
grandma was able to provide some support. Therapy can be helpful in so many
situations, no matter how long ago that happened. I had a single mom that died
when I was a teenager, too. Therapy is/was very helpful. Internet hug!

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[]Adieutoyouandyou 551 points 12h

Don't listen to anyone. Your mom loved you and you have memory of a mom you
were close to. She sounds like she was a sweet mom.
You are lucky to have had a mom like that. You weren't in a conventional situation
with both mom and dad, and she was the mom you needed.

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[]bella0520 141 points 11h

I still give my kids mental health days. They are good students. As teenagers
they just need a day sometimes to chill. I send a note saying they were sick. I've
had 4 kids make it to adulthood and they survived rather well. Trusting the last 2
will be ok.
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[]winter_adorn 1841 points 18h

Not bad parenting exactly. When my mom left my dad, we moved to a nice city
and lived in a nice neighborhood. She worked all the time and came home only
wanting food and sleep. Despite being strict and cautious of people, by the time I
was 16 she was too tired to really implement any of her rules. I was able to stay
up late, stay out late and do pretty much whatever I wanted. Surprisingly, I never
did drugs, booze or sex. I just went out to the city life, walked around and
observed people. I was such a boring kid. It's not until years later when I'm
recalling my teen years that I realized all the miss opportunities I could have had.
So sad.

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[]traju201 1344 points 16h

I think many kids that have a lot of freedom are actually pretty reasonable. When
something is allowed it's not as much fun because it's not forbidden, so all the
excitement is gone. It doesn't work like that for everyone of course.

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[]blanketswithsmallpox 176 points 14h

Honestly it's because as a parent you can look back and think about all the insane
shit you 'could' do. Yet in reality most young adults are just as plain and boring as
you are as an adult. Sure there are some thrill seekers but shitty or great
parenting may not weed that out of them anyway.
The best thing you can do as a parent is hopefully instill in them that sense of
right and wrong, what is and isn't real, and a bit of how to self-moderate. The
rest is keeping them fed and housed. Voila.
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[]thatJainaGirl 620 points 15h

Tell me about it. I got my own car at 17 (aunt bought a new car and decided to
give me her hand me down, it was older than I was, but it drove me places so I
was fine with it) and didn't have a curfew after age 16, mainly because my
parents didn't care. I didn't have my first alcoholic drink until I was 23, and have
never done drugs. My car driving, curfew free, crazy teen years were spent
getting ice cream at 3 am and playing Magic the Gathering.

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[]SheltemDragon 455 points 14h

There is a reason there is the meme, "Teach your kids to play Magic The
Gathering. They won't have money for drugs!"
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[]gimpwiz 108 points 13h

And they won't bring babies into the house either.

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[]barely-bones-baby 1738 points 16h

They let me date a 19 year old when I was 13 and we always hung out with his
creepy 20-something friends who tried taking advantage of me several times. I
thought I was so grown but looking back I'm horrified.

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[]trump1017 591 points 9h

this is the first one in the thread other than one about cigarettes that I'm like ok
fuck now that's a terrible parenting.

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[]InnocenceAndApplePie 213 points 9h

And this my friends, is why yes, being even 15 or 16 is still 'too young' for you at
19 and 20.
I had the same exact thing happen to me when I was 15. I'm sorry that
happened to you.

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[]BredforChaos 189 points 9h*

Parents did the same with me at that age and a 30 year old. That story is a
reaaaallly bad one.
Edit: Well shit. My typo is going to leave most of you disappointed. I meant to
type 20, fuck I think my mom was around 30 when I was 13 lol.
Same shitty situation though, I'm sure. he was manipulative, and
physically/mentally abusive. To make a long fucked up story short, part of his
manipulation was he tampered with my birth control, and along with it convinced
me that I was trash and no one else would ever want me. I had 3 kids from him
by the time I was 19. Moved out of my parents home at 15 when I found out I
was pregnant with the first. When I got pregnant with the third he confessed his
bc tampering and I left him. For good. He's has nothing to do with the kids.

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[]CSMastermind 134 points 8h

They let you date a 30 year old at 13?


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[]Another_Generic 105 points 9h

It disgust that people like them exist

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[]quantum_gambade 1696 points 19h*

When I was 9 or 10 years old at the cottage, a few of our parents would give us a
couple extra tanks of gas and send us out in our fleet of little 8- and 9.9- hp tin
boats for the day to explore wherever we wanted. Be back before it gets dark and
stick together were the only rules.
For context, our lake has 17,000 islands on it, crosses the US/Canada border, and
is 70 miles long and wide.
We had charts, we knew how to read them and find where we were (and
hopefully home), and we knew when to slow down because we weren't familiar
with the water. We always made it home. But when I hear about kids getting
apprehended by child services for playing unattended in their own yards, all I can

think is "that sucks for society." We all learned so much, most importantly to trust
our own abilities. Where do you get that now?
Edit: Lake of the Woods, Ontario. Would be Canada's longest shoreline if some of
it wasn't in the US.

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[]DrakeFloyd 610 points 19h

that's cool as hell and not at all bad parenting. sounds like they just knew what
you were capable of.

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[]quantum_gambade 412 points 18h

Hell yeah it was cool. And I should make it clear that it wasn't always smooth
sailing. We had times that people hit rocks and we had to problem solve towing
their boat home, we got lost in bays and took forever finding our way out, we had
cuts and scrapes and all sorts of challenges and we always figured it out on our
own (or knew when we had to figure out how to get an adult involved...this was
the pre- cellphone era). I thank my parents every day for that independence and
trust.
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[]Acenose[S] 159 points 18h

That's amazing! First thing I thought of was Huckleberry Fin, minus all the racism
and plus 100 years.

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[]PM_ME_UNIFORMS 1319 points 19h

Never bothered about me. Riding my bike alone to the other end of town?
Wandering through the woods alone? Sure, all good. I can't count the number of
times I'd come in after being gone for several hours and they never even asked
where I'd been. This was the 90s, not the early 60s or anything. After I learned to
drive and bought a car as a teenager, I'd be gone a full day--again, didn't even
bother asking where I'd been. At the time it was cool. Now I question why they
didn't care where their 17-year-old daughter was going for hours and hours on
weekends and vacations.

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[]Acenose[S] 569 points 18h

My parents were kind of the same towards me but I'm a male, my sister on the
other hand... they ALWAYS asked where she was and what she was doing and she
had to check in every hour.

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[]JaFFsTer 532 points 18h

Sons don't get pregnant


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[]tenzegre11 1049 points 18h

Sons give pregnant.

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[]JaFFsTer 119 points 18h

Less of a problem

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[]sleepingrozy 228 points 16h

That was my parents with me. I still resent my parents for not giving me even
close to the same amount of freedom as my brothers.
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[]JeffMartinsMandolin 1312 points 17h

My dad let us ride on the roof of the car. Amongst other things, he probably
wasn't winning any parenting awards, but I thought he was the coolest.

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[]locks_are_paranoid 187 points 11h

This is both cool and stupid at the same time.

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[]littlebiggybunny 143 points 10h

I think this is the best (or worst) response in this thread

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[]carlosboshell 1156 points 20h

Yeah you can go ahead and sleep 3 days of the week at your friend house.

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[]PM_Me_SFW_Pictures 408 points 20h

Like, in a row? I feel like that would just get boring after a while.

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[]sonofaresiii 1036 points 16h

not if your friend was richer than you were


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[]The_Radders 444 points 11h

Or the opposite gender.

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[]Freedom_is_not_free 271 points 10h

Or has wifi

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[]seamonster1609 152 points 17h

I used to do this in the summer, I remember calling my mom to get me so I could


get clean clothes and drive me back.

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[]2k16throwaway 111 points 20h

...why is this bad parenting?

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[]ChrissiTea 321 points 19h

It sounds like he's implying that his parents couldn't be bothered to parent him.
That or they leeched free child care off friends parents or kicked him out 3 days a
week.
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[]kronkspinachpuffs 1088 points 17h*

We didn't have any bedtime hours established, I could just go to bed whenever
and then miss the first period of classes. This sounds very cool when you're a kid
but one day you realise you might have a problem with schedules and discipline.
We didn't have to get our vaccines if we didn't want to (I guess my mother
couldn't be bothered with us crying) so as a result I was about 16 when I got my
vaccination straight.
We didn't have to get braces unless we wanted to (as a kid I say no, a decision
that now I regret).
We could watch ungodly amounts of TV.
edit: for anyone whining about braces being a privilege (which obviously they are
to an extent), keep in mind situations like overbites can have an impact on your

health (and your self-esteem, I guess). It's not just about having Hollywood
teeth.

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[]burn_shit7 1039 points 20h

Not my parents, but my grandparents for this one. My favorite toys as a kid were
screwdrivers. I'd go through my grandparents house and get them all together
and play with them. My grandpa would even help me get as many as I could in
the garage and basement. I had all kinds of screwdrivers. One day, my aunt came
to my grandparents house while I was there and I ran up to her with two
screwdrivers in my hand, held them up and sang, "My mom doesn't want me to
play with these but grandpa let's me!" That was the end of screwdrivers at
grandpa and grandma's. Also, my grandpa would let me eat hot dogs cold. Like,
right out of the package.

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[]Acenose[S] 1548 points 20h

Your grandpa was probably thinking "shit if they can send me to Nam with
grenades and guns at 16 then my grandson can play with screwdrivers at 8"

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[]20150506 702 points 20h

Forgetting that not everyone came back from the screwdriver wars.
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[]burn_shit7 210 points 20h

He was actually in WWII. But, that was definitely the inspiration for letting me
play with shit like that.
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[]ieatcheese1 128 points 18h

"Shit he's a kid, kids are spoiled with heated hotdogs today. Eat that thing cold
sport!"
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[]Barbar21 287 points 17h

Nothing wrong with hot dogs outta the package. They are pre-cooked

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[]jj2398 142 points 16h

I'm glad you made this comment. When he said the hotdog thing, I got worried
for a second thinking. "Wait, that's a bad thing to do?"
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[]LeeSeneses 253 points 17h

Hotdogs are precooked so you're 100% OK there. I mean, its gross to me now,
but even I did that once.

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[]Viperbunny 108 points 18h

My kids are a little young for real screwdrivers (one is 2 the other is almost 4) but
we let them play with toy ones. Kids should learn tools. My husband is handy. I
can do quite a bit. I hope that my kids can be too.

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[]TittyLoggins 160 points 13h

Yeah that's a little too young for screwdrivers, gotta start em off easy with a
cranberry vodka, maybe a seabreeze. Wait til they're at least 6 for screwdrivers
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[]starzined 848 points 18h

unsupervised access to the internet from when i was probably 9? 10? i think they
attempted to put some sort of parental block once but i bypassed it pretty easily
and once they got to know, they didn't really care. i was staying up till 3-4 am
dicking around on the internet by the time i was 12. saw a lot of stuff i shouldn't
have been seeing so young. was writing shitty harry potter bdsm erotica when i
was in the 7th grade. they also never made any attempt to censor what i was
reading.
they were so fucking unreasonable for some other stuff, it blows my mind that
they didn't give a shit about this.

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[]GreenLightMeg 548 points 16h

Man, I remember searching "worlds biggest vagina" on my older brothers


computer, he saw it in the drop down menu and wrestled me. I was not allowed
on for a while.

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[]markyellowstone 188 points 14h

lol I'm dead


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[]blackrose1901 232 points 17h

This. My mum and dad were completely unaware of the dark side of the Internet.
My mum and dad knew English by the time we had Internet, but didn't really
understand ,or use it . We did for "school work" and let's just say I'm surprised
none of us kids were abducted. I remember once sitting with my dad when a
story about Internet stranger danger came on, when my dad just looked at me
shocked for a minute and asked if I had Facebook and told me not to talk to
strangers it was about 6 years to late lol. I'm glad they are more Internet aware
for my younger brother.

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[]locks_are_paranoid 104 points 17h

I had unlimited access to the internet also, though I mostly played games. I did
look at a lot of porn, but other than that it was games 99% of the time. As
someone against censorship, I agree with my parents on this issue.

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[]laterdude 620 points 19h

Order my steaks well-done.

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[]Yohansugarnuggets 243 points 17h

So when was CPS called?

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[]UpsetUnicorn 151 points 17h

My steaks growing up were well done. Didn't think I liked steak until I tried it
medium rare.

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[]megawalelord 103 points 17h

Everything I ate was well done as a kid. Turns out pork chops can be delicious
and juicy and so can chicken.
I eat blue steaks now lol.
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[]LeeSeneses 125 points 17h

My GF's mom always made sure she ordered her steaks well done because, to
her, anything else was endangering her kids. She also cooked spaghetti well past
al dente and eggs until the white was a rubbery yellow ball.
Life is very strange.

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[]blablalou 569 points 18h

-Eat as many sweets as I wanted to; -Eat as much MCDONALD'S as I wanted to;
-Skip brushing my teeth at night. I am now 21 and I had lots of problems with
my teeth and digestive system. I managed to fix them all up in my teens and now
I am strict with myself.

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[]Acenose[S] 203 points 17h

Glad to hear you are parenting yourself now haha, thank you for your answer!

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[]PM_ME_BIRDS_OF_PREY 497 points 16h

Let me go off into the forest outside my house (1500 acre place with virtually
nothing except trees inside) alone. During the summer I'd spend up to two weeks
at a time in there, even had a small village of mud huts and wooden sheds at one
point.

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[]Etilla 478 points 13h

So you're the Primitive Technology guy?

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[]Vodicular 139 points 13h

that sounds fuckin rad

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[]roobopp 358 points 19h

They allowed me to play video games all day, everyday. They had no reason to
take it away. I played on the highest level soccer team that I could for where I
lived and I got straight A's in high school every year. I really wish they made rules
cause I have so many social issues.

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[]sonofaresiii 362 points 15h

I really wish they made rules cause I have so many social issues.
Honestly man, I don't think "rules" would have helped you here. I think you might
be projecting. If you were playing video games, I'm assuming at least partially
online, and if you were on a high level sports team, you had every opportunity for
social interaction.

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[]Tio-de-fiesta 321 points 18h

Probably a bit late to this but my dad wasn't a bad parent but he was chilled out.
One day while sitting down to watch a film with my then youngish brother (can't
remember exact age), my dad chooses Stephen Kings 'IT'. My brother thought it
looked scary but my dad wanting to watch it said, "dont worry it's funny, see it's
got clowns". My brother still has a fear of clowns.

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[]MissWilkem 315 points 14h

My parents moved out and left me to live in the house when I was 16. We had
exactly one conversation about it, whereby they asked if I wanted to move to
another state with them and I said no. It was cool, I was never into drugs or
alcohol or parties, so I didn't ruin the house. I wasn't allowed to heat the house
up much, so I always wore a snow jacket inside, and basically just came home to
sleep. But now that I'm older, I realize that it's more on the line of child
abandonment....oh well.

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[]mr42ndstblvd 137 points 10h

there was a kid i went to school with who was immancipated. both his parents
had split and he had no other family to take him in. and he refused to be a foster
kid. they tried rehoming him after the 20th time he ran away and they found him
at his parents house they eventually just let him stay. one of are teachers at
school would check in on him and kind of do the dad thing
he helped him get a check every month from the state to live off of. taught him
how to cook clean mow the yard pay billz and shit
thats alot to put on a 14 year old kid
how the fuck they even let that happen is beyond me but he still lives there to
this day. only he has a real job and a wife.....

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[]TheAlmightyPierceB 302 points 20h

I remember watching pulp fiction when I was about five. Also growing up
watching billy connelly do stand up was great. I knew back then that violence,
swearing and crude jokes were only allowed for adults and adult movies so I
wouldn't call it bad parenting they knew I knew there was a line and I wasn't
allowed to cross it.

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[]glencocobutter 103 points 18h

My dad was the second youngest of four brothers. When the kids reached a
certain age (probably about 10 or 11), they would be allowed to go to the movies
with the father and the older siblings to watch a violent movie that they were now
"old" enough to see. My dad was so excited because he was finally able to go and
hang out with his older brothers and see his first R rated movie. I don't remember
which movie it was, but the movie that they ended up seeing had a violent break
in and rape scene within the first ten minutes. My dad was told me he was
traumatized for weeks and thought that his dad and older brothers must have
been monsters for enjoying that kind of movie.

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[]reverseswang 303 points 20h

My stepdad taught me a lot of craft skills, that in hindsight must have breached
every health and safety regulation in the book.

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[]-Mountain-King- 233 points 20h

If he taught you well, safely, and correctly, it was fantastic parenting.

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[]reverseswang 144 points 19h

I'm very glad he taught me practical skills, yes. But, looking back on it, things like
not bothering to use safety glasses were a bit irresponsible.
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[]jestergoblin 203 points 19h

Every tool I used growing up used to be my grandpa's. It wasn't until I got to 8th
grade and took wood shop when I learned saws could have guards.

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[]blargitybla 261 points 16h*

I smoked weed with my dad for the first time when I was 15 (after smoking with
my siblings since I was 14). At the time I thought it was so cool. Now I'm like,
"who the fuck does that???" My mom ran a restaurant and worked 16-18 hour
days, my dad worked on ships so they weren't around much and when they were,
tried to be cool, I guess? They also left me in charge of the grocery money and
shopping when I was like 11 when my mom opened the restaurant. They knew
my siblings (13 and 17) would spend it on weed or just bullshit. So it became my
job to do the shopping and cooking for my siblings and I, though my siblings were
basically never home. I complained that I was lonely, so my folks got me a dog.
At the time, it felt cool to have responsibility and be trusted. As a grown up with a

child of my own, that shit keeps me up at night imagining my own daughter in


that position.

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[]Sysiphuslove 230 points 13h*

I don't think this was bad parenting, but my mother did.


My father used to take me to the bar with him when I was maybe six or seven,
just a little sprat in pigtails at the time, and he would buy me a pack of M&Ms and
a Coke.
He'd buy a beer, and sit smoking cigarettes and chatting with his friends, while
providing me with boundless quarters to play Galaga. I had to balance on this
slightly ripped and rickety red vinyl barstool to play it, but even being scratched
by the frayed nylon was just part of the experience. Sometimes Dad would join
me, and we'd play a co-op round or two.
I still remember those as some of the best times of my childhood, sitting there
tripping on arcade Galaga and sugar, smelling the heady bar-smell of cigarette
smoke and stale beer, and my dad laughing and telling jokes with the other men
behind me. He was the best parent anyone could ever ask for.

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[]GovernaleJP 227 points 19h

put off my homework until the morning.

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[]1WomanSOP 226 points 18h

My younger brother and I were allowed to smash things apart and/or set things
on fire in the back yard as long as our parents confirmed that the thing in
question was no longer needed/already not working/unfixable, that we cleaned up
everything afterwards, and that there was water nearby in case the fire got too
crazy (it never did).
We burned and busted so many old electronics, toys, furniture, you name it. We
were also allowed to use pocket knives, and taught how to strike matches at a
very young age (5-6 yrs old).
We never got hurt, and never burned the house down. This was the early '80s.
These days I know adults that are afraid to light a fire in a fireplace.

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[]Karmasmatik 127 points 14h

Man, I bet you really don't want to know what kind of toxic fumes were coming
off the electronics y'all were burning.

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[]breakerbreaker 191 points 20h

When I was about 8 my dad (mom was gone) poured a shot of whiskey in a shot
glass for me and my three siblings to try. We all tried it and screamed at how
gross it was. He said something along the lines of "and that's why you shouldn't
ever drink it" while laughing at all of our reactions.
There's no way I'm giving my kids liquor that young but I don't drink liquor today
so maybe he was onto something.

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[]genyul 252 points 20h

Nah, thats not really bad parenting, everybody I know got a nip from a beer or
something when they were around 8-10, and were all extremly grossed out by it
Its just so your kids dont always ask if they can drink it too or something, just let
them taste it, they hate it, they shut their mouth

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[]C0ntrol_Group 209 points 17h

This can backfire. My daughter loves beer. My wife gave her a sip once because it
would be funny to see her yuck face. Now we are constantly having to tell her no,
she can't have beer.
She is three.
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[]breakerbreaker 185 points 16h

I say if she's still asking by age five, just give in and you've got a drinking buddy
now.

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[]jldreadful 193 points 19h

Watch pretty much anything I wanted as long as I was quiet and didn't ask them
to explain shit. Saw Rocky Horror Picture Show at eight years of age. Lots of
other stuff I did not understand till years later, but never asked about for fear of
not being allowed to watch bad stuff anymore.
Being a parent now myself, I'm far more strict. I'm okay with boobies, but
nothing with like, raunchy sex and no blood and guts crap.

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[]mickeyfreddie 183 points 16h

My caught me smoking a big spliff out of my bedroom window when I was 15. I
don't remember the specifics but she basically hinted she wanted me to buy her
some weed. She was a bit of hippie in the 60s

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[]alaron70 162 points 17h

My mother bought me a bong for my sixteenth birthday. We went to the


ELECTRIC FETUS so I could pick out the one I wanted.

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[]Razorray21 158 points 20h

Not really bad parenting, but I grew up on a farm, and learned to drive at like 10
years old.
I started by driving Tractor on my dad's lap learning to steer and later on how to
use the clutch and shift.
By 14, I was driving the farm truck (late 80s manual Ford f150) by myself, as well
as doing actual jobs with the tractor

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[]jestergoblin 141 points 19h*

My parents were so mad when we got a new tractor on the farm that had a
weight sensor in the seat - so my 12 year old sister couldn't use it without
strapping on an extra 20 pounds of weights.
But yeah, learned to drive the tractor as soon as my feet could reach the pedals same with the truck.

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[]cbelt3 139 points 17h

That's just farm kid stuff. Still totally expected.

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[]Ser_Rodrick_Cassel 161 points 18h

having french fries as a meal. I learned in high school that french fries were
usually considered a side dish, not a main dish. my brother and I were both
overweight, fortunately we both got fit in our early adult lives.

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[]JAlphaViktor 151 points 17h

My mother used to smoke pot inside her boyfriends can with the Windows rolled
up, my brother, sister and myself inside with her. I was ten. Then she'd bring him
home and fuck him loudly while we were upstairs and awake. That was one of
several boyfriends. Does this qualify?

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[]moop_n_shmow 112 points 17h

Well... Being left alone for a month without parents is cool, especially when you're
a teenager and you and your younger brother sell drugs to feed yourself. At least
we had plenty of drugs to do.
Also the first time I shot a gun I was 11 my little brother first shot a gun at 8.

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[]RobotPolarbear 114 points 18h

Ride in the car without a seatbelt.


Ride in the back of a cargo van that didn't even have seats, sometimes standing
up.
Play with my grandpa's power tools.
Put rocks in a vice and then whack them with a hammer until the cracked,
without eye protection.
Use the internet completely unsupervised and unrestricted at age 10.
Call people I met while using the internet completely unsupervised.
Stay out as late as I wanted in high school.
Hang out with men who were in their twenties when I was fourteen.

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[]Eagle694 109 points 19h

Not so much anything i was specifically allowed to do, but rather just what I got
away with and how I got away with it so easily.
I never had my own car in high school, but could pretty much use my dad's at my
leisure. Only stipulations were that I at least put something in the tank on the
way home and obviously not expect to have it when he needed it.
So starting from there we have the passenger rule. Not sure if this is a thing in
every state yet, but where I lived there was a rule that teen drivers could only
carry one non-related passenger for the first year of their license or until they're
18 (whichever comes first). Of course no one ever abided by this, but when I
would be asked who I was taking somewhere I'd say something like "I'm picking
up Bob and John is meeting us there"- even though it was well known that John
lived right along the way and his parents were much stricter about his car use (so
he obviously wasn't getting anywhere on his own).
Then it gets better. Flash forward to coming home. It's about 50/50 whether
anyone will even still be awake when I return. If they were, standard questions"where'd you go, what you do, who with". My response? "Places. Things. With
people". Those exact words.
And never once were there further questions. Granted we weren't out robbing
liquor stores and shooting up, but for all they knew we could've been.

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4587 points 5044 comments

What did your parents allow you to do as a kid that your friends were not allowed to do
and you now realize was bad parenting by your parents?
4498

What drugs should each presidential candidate take before the debate on
Monday in order to appear more likable to voters? (self.AskReddit)
submitted 11 hours ago by Slatersaurus

3234 comments

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[]sparta981 7113 points 11 hours ago*x7

Cyanide.

Edit: 7 golds!?

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[]GovernaleJP 3326 points 10 hours ago

I haven't laughed so hard in days. there's no reason to scroll down. you win.

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[]Poem_for_your_sprog 3918 points 7 hours ago

When Trump and Clinton met to spew


A turd of lies and doubt They thought, perhaps, a drug or two
Would help to ease them out.
'A little intellect for me,'
Said Donald, loathe to wait 'Or something strong,' said Hillary,
'To keep me standing straight.'
And so they lingered on no more They took their pills with pride.
And Clinton hit the fucking floor,
And Donald fucking died.
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[]ratstack 457 points 6 hours ago

My first time finding a fresh Sprog poem!! I feel really special now.
Sprog in 2020!!!!

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[]Ervin_Pepper 308 points 6 hours ago

Sprog/WildSketch 2020: Real change for real redditors

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[]Shadowex3 104 points 6 hours ago

Where's /u/Shitty_Watercolour when you need them?

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[]LetsRunTrain 586 points 10 hours ago

Can confirm. Did not scroll down.


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[]LiterallyKetchup 427 points 10 hours ago

Am anarchist, scrolled down anyway. Was not satisfied.

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[]randomburner23 158 points 9 hours ago

If you were actually an anarchist you wouldn't scroll down because that's exactly
the answer you would be looking for.

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[]babybopp 79 points 8 hours ago

/r/firstworldanarchists

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[]AttackPug 295 points 9 hours ago

That one word perfect Reddit answer is like a backboard smashing dunk.
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[]TheGlassDragon 2238 points 9 hours ago

r/ThreadKillers

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[]Fjorn 799 points 7 hours ago

/r/CandidateKillers
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[]badtimesfriendahead 466 points 7 hours ago

a community for 1 minute


wew

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[]FuckinNiceKitty 149 points 6 hours ago

lad.

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[]Its_Been_A_Pleasure 940 points 7 hours ago

Almost 7000 upvotes for the candidates to kill themselves... Anyone else feel like
voter turnout might be at a record low?

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[]Jupiterswrath 1150 points 6 hours ago

This election is so divisive it just might get a higher turnout. Nobody really wants
to vote for Grandma Nixon, but many are scared enough if Orange Hitler to do it.
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[]Wolferines 361 points 6 hours ago

Grandma Nixon's new motto, "I'm with her... reluctantly."

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[]Tobacconist 73 points 6 hours ago

I hate that recurring phrase "Grandma Nixon"... I despise both these candidates
but would vote for Nixon above either of them. He was a flawed, egotistical man
yes... but still not as faulty as Hilary or Trump.

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[]TJHookor 261 points 5 hours ago

Yeah... can't let this one go. Nixon purposely extended the Vietnam war for years
just to make his opponent look bad so he could get elected leading to the deaths
of possibly thousands of American troops. Hillary sucks but I'm not sure she's
reached Nixon levels of shithead quite yet.
Source for the unaware

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[]TheBobJamesBob 83 points 4 hours ago

Yeah, there's possibly being negligent with classified information, and then there's
committing actual treason by the legal definition of the word.

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[]badtimesfriendahead 141 points 6 hours ago

Yea I feel like people are trying to pretend like hillary's "just another bad
candidate," truth is if she were running against a legitimate candidate she would
be on her knees right now
I don't think we're properly vetting either candidate as the two-party system
"intended to work", at this point it's rightly all gone to shit

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[]xtremechaos 132 points 6 hours ago

RIP Bernie...
He would be the greatest president if this were a triple threat style wrestling
match where we get to compare all 3

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[]AppleBerryPoo 103 points 5 hours ago

Seriously. I was shocked that the only alternative to these 2 had to drop out.
Then the DNC rigging was exposed and it all made sense again. Didn't surprise
me though. Which, I think that's pretty sad.

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[]Catfish017 271 points 8 hours ago

Cyanide and Happiness would never be a more relevant webcomic

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[]luckymcduff 87 points 7 hours ago

That's usually XKCD's job.


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[]Daedalus871 227 points 10 hours ago

/thread

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[]reaidstar 95 points 9 hours ago

And happiness will pour out of the voters.

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[]lucien15937 92 points 9 hours ago

As soon as I saw this thread's title I literally whispered "cyanide" to myself and
wondered if anyone had said it, haha

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[]413612 58 points 7 hours ago

Yeah this was pretty low hanging fruit. Still delicious though
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[]Borne2Run 51 points 9 hours ago

Voice of the people

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[]Kortallis 45 points 9 hours ago

Goddamn it's been a while since I've laughed that hard.

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[]TisTheWindAndNothing 44 points 10 hours ago

Upvoted thread just to get you to the front page

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[]Weekendatbyrnez 43 points 8 hours ago

Suicide I've already died...

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[]SpunkBunkers 5731 points 10 hours ago

We're the ones who'll need the drugs

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[]gmanz33 1935 points 9 hours ago

Ok, check. What's next.

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[]MegaSwampbert 851 points 9 hours ago

We'll tell you when to stop.


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[]nighthawk475 720 points 8 hours ago

!RemindMe never

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[]Motobeast 192 points 8 hours ago

Does the ! exclude the remind me bot?

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[]nighthawk475 260 points 7 hours ago

I... I don't really know? maybe, that would make a lot of sense actually.
I've never actually used it before, I just remember seeing that syntax before and
copied it. Also the bot already PMed me saying it defaulted to a 1 day period so
I'll get reminded in 24 hours ._.

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[]TheFlashFrame 159 points 7 hours ago

HEY DON'T FORGET


https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/54dhrl/what_drugs_should_each
_presidential_candidate/d811zca
!RemindMe never
EDIT: Fuck now I'm getting a reminder in 1 day.

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[]uss_intega 416 points 8 hours ago

Obviously we're already on drugs to end up with these two bozos as our
candidates

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[]jaybestnz 125 points 5 hours ago

Or at least 9% of the population who turned up to vote for the candidate


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[]calculatrice1 60 points 4 hours ago

9% of the American population voted for Trump or Clinton, which translates to


14% of eligible voters. About 27% of eligible votes voted in the primaries
(counting candidates other than just Clinton or Trump, of course).

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[]hedgeborncerebellum 54 points 4 hours ago

Do not blame those who showed up to vote.


But I think there's more to be said about the voting system in America than the
voters themselves.

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[]fortyeightD 5640 points 10 hours ago

sodium pentothal

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[]Canadian_Weatherman 4314 points 9 hours ago

I see on Wikipedia it can be used for lethal injection or as a truth serum. Well
played.

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[]gmanz33 2067 points 9 hours ago

Lethal injection and truth serum? Little late for the truth...
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[]pease_pudding 1154 points 9 hours ago

Dunno, I'd quite like to hear their secrets before they keel over

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[]Whats_Up_Bitches 1929 points 8 hours ago

"I'm...seriously...innocent."
"Well...shit."

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[]pease_pudding 801 points 7 hours ago

Oh well. I did have my doubts these truth serums really work anyway!

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[]A_Suffering_Panda 371 points 7 hours ago

I don't believe you, take this truth serum

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[]zxc74171 141 points 5 hours ago

"More truth serum...?"


"No. Stronger truth serum"

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[]TheFlashFrame 248 points 7 hours ago

Meh, someone could think they're innocent and in their mind it'd be true.

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[]Essemoar 298 points 7 hours ago

Damn Aes Sedai, working around the three oaths...

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[]CrimsonShrike 109 points 5 hours ago

Based dragon reborn sure showed them.


Also, Cauthon for president while we're at it.

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[]Tap_Z_or_R_Twice 66 points 5 hours ago

Blood and bloody ashes...

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[]azcard480 38 points 7 hours ago

Some can't handle the truth

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[]SenorSativa 151 points 8 hours ago

Can we have fact checking with penalty of additional injection? Also, can we have
VP candidates standing by? Would either kill both campaigns or the candidates...
the win winniest situation of them all
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[]imjustawill 78 points 6 hours ago

Now there's a system I can get behind.


Every party submits 9 nominees, who then stand in a line backstage. America, via
the democratic wonder of mass SMS voting, will have the capacity to assassinate

at will, at which point the party's next candidate appears and they get a chance
to answer the question.

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[]Legovil 48 points 5 hours ago

Let twitch chat do it with LUL

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[]PigNamedBenis 429 points 7 hours ago

It said to appear "more likable". I don't think people will appreciate the truth.

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[]imjustawill 817 points 6 hours ago*

"Nation learns of Clinton/Trump affair; cancels election and asks to rejoin the
UK."
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[]cspruce89 435 points 5 hours ago

The elusive Brenter.

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[]Will7691 310 points 3 hours ago

Breturn

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[]alex494 150 points 2 hours ago

Breunion

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[]notafunnyguy32 58 points 2 hours ago

The Uturn, The United States return

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[]ZorbaTHut 322 points 6 hours ago

"We're sorry about that tea thing. We'll replace it. Just let us come back."

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[]ourstupidearth 177 points 3 hours ago

"I figured this might happen, that's why I broke up with Europe."

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[]SanguinePar 63 points 4 hours ago

"UK too busy vomiting to formulate a response"

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[]LiterallyKetchup 103 points 10 hours ago

Jeez. That's the thread right there.

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[]thecostly 76 points 7 hours ago

Didn't you see the guy who said cyanide?


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[]ThatWhichDrankItself 56 points 7 hours ago

Didn't you? You scrolled down

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[]fubo 3344 points 7 hours ago

Clinton: Black jacket, black bow tie, black top hat; a blunt, and a double of nasty,
raw, cheap rum. Time to invoke Baron Samedi to ensure the Republican Party
passes into the Blessed Sleep and is not brought back as a zombie.
Trump: Pink medical gown; ketamine followed by a good munch of peyote
buttons. Expulsion from reality and a long chat with the machine elves that keep
the universe running. You cannot con the cactus person.

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[]therapistiscrazy 730 points 4 hours ago

Speaking of drugs, what have you been smoking?

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[]StLevity 412 points 4 hours ago

D) All of the above


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[]quilladdiction 599 points 6 hours ago

You cannot con the cactus person.


Take my upvote, just take it, I can't stop laughing...

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[]KaineScienceman 3107 points 11 hours ago

LSD, I feel like if we're ever going to get the truth out of either of them some
good old acid would definitely help.
Edit: Alternatively, penicillin.

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[]Martianese 2181 points 10 hours ago

Unless it's a bad trip.


Hillary: "My emails are coming after me, man!"

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[]Flanyo 3198 points 8 hours ago

Trum does take Xanax for Hispanic attacks.


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[]potato_lover 280 points 7 hours ago

are you taking the P?

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[]Greenhorn24 185 points 7 hours ago

Dude, 20% tax, obviously.

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[]201609221245 63 points 7 hours ago

This deserves more credit than you're getting.

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[]XxsquirrelxX 827 points 10 hours ago

Trump: oh god... Mexicans... MEXICANS!!!!!!!!


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[]Iamfriendly4488 350 points 9 hours ago

Psychedelic taco attacks

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[]the_murder_of_crowe 256 points 8 hours ago

Fucking college bands.

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[]MarioThePumer 91 points 7 hours ago

/r/bandnames

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[]Dynamaxion 104 points 8 hours ago

frantically trying to dig into the stage floor with a plastic shovel gotta build that
fucking wall man, they're coming!

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[]PsyduckSexTape 511 points 7 hours ago

Everything below you: people with only a cinematic understanding of LSD

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[]cosmicrush 77 points 6 hours ago

The reality is they may drop the election and start a new life if they took it lol
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[]Megatron_McLargeHuge 161 points 4 hours ago

The reality is they might entertain that idea for a week or so before habit kicks in
and they forget the lessons they learned.

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[]mnilailt 71 points 5 hours ago

Yeah, what would happen is they'd just freak the fuck out from being tripping
while millions are watching them. I mean fuck going to the drive through tripping
is hard enough (in the backseat)
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[]1mikeg 62 points 2 hours ago

I've been to Kmart and inside the gas station while tripping. I know the true
meaning of fear.

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[]AngelComa 72 points 7 hours ago

Exactly what I was thinking.


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[]Motobeast 180 points 8 hours ago

I've done LSD and I don't feel like anything I ever said while under the influence
was truthful.

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[]Trunix 283 points 7 hours ago

"It's like time isn't with me; it's sitting next to me. Like I can feel it all around
me, but I am not actually moving through it. Time doesn't feel longer or shorter,
it just feels like it doesn't exist. It's like one minute and one hour feel the same to
me even though I know time is progressing. I can feel it pushing forward in the
environment around me. I can see time move outside of me, but I don't feel like I
am in time so much as I am just experiencing it."
-Me, while high on psychedelics, only imagine it taking me 8 minutes to explain
while accidentally repeating myself way too much.
I don't think this is the 'truth' we are looking for.
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[]Falodir 537 points 7 hours ago

Don't worry. When I took slightly too much acid, I proceeded to wander around a
house with no power aimlessly, soaking wet for some reason, looping weird
thoughts until I blacked out for a while. Eventually I laid in bed shivering,
watching the world spin faster and faster, feeling the clock tick down to my own
death, and experienced dying as a transcendent experience. I saw my life and the
lives of everyone... No, everything as being the experience of some higher
consciousness. As an atheist, I saw through the eyes of God. Of a being that
encompasses every atom, every quark, every string, something that guided every
tick of the universe since the beginning.
Hell, I became that deity. I had sex with my partner, felt like I was in the womb,
and that by fucking we had created the genesis, the seed of the universe, the life
force that would permeate a new beginning, and we would be part of it, guiding
and watching over it.
So yeah, acid might be a tiny bit distracting from the issues at hand. I don't want
to see Trump trying to touch the endless void and then claiming a wall needs to
be built around it.

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[]TheMagicFlight 109 points 7 hours ago

haha currently tripping. This made me smile.

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[]userlame_af 38 points 7 hours ago

Jesus, I took a large dose of acid and just sat in my basement with my friends
and laughed at paintings and played FIFA while watching the squares in the field
shimmer. You all went through some shit or you just couldn't handle your cid

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[]WhoNeedsVirgins 46 points 6 hours ago

Taking a large dose of psychedelics is a completely different experience than


slight visual fun and running thoughts.
If anyone wants to get an idea without having a bad trip for several hours, I can
recommend Salvia Divinorum. (I've had '20x extract' whatever that means, but
that was just crazy strong, maybe 10x can be handled better.) Salvia will
(probably) give you a cartoon of visuals and completely knock your brain out of
this world for ten minutes, DON'T do it alone because you won't know what you're
doing.

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[]PM_Me_Whatever_lol 73 points 5 hours ago

I recommend no one takes Salvia, fuck that shit

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[]thirdegree 190 points 6 hours ago

Everything I say under the influence of LSD is truthful.


Very little of what I say under the influence of LSD is correct.
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[]Whatiswrong9 49 points 4 hours ago

correct
Says sober you.

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[]thirdegree 64 points 4 hours ago

Sober me is a bitch-ass fact nazi.


-drunk me

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[]blume99 102 points 9 hours ago

Thumbprint each

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[]DylanBob1991 53 points 7 hours ago

I'd love to see Chinacat's opinion on this.


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[]GandalfTheEnt 46 points 6 hours ago

Never thought I'd see chinacats thumbprint thread referenced on askreddit.

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[]Mistaken_4_Gardener 1786 points 11 hours ago

Clinton: Speedball Combo between a benzo and cocaine.


Trump: Grass and a muscle relaxer.
Both candidates have to take a swig and do the spinning thing with a baseball bat
to the forehead perpendicular to the ground.
The American audience drinks anytime 'morals,' 'The American People,' and
'values' are mentioned.
WE that are not participating in this fraud are smoking grass in the corner
trying to write better jokes to get noticed for pay.

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[]ohcomonalready 278 points 10 hours ago

baseball bat to the forehead game is called "Dizzy bat". or it is where I'm from
atleast

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[]SixtyNineMe 140 points 9 hours ago

Louisville chugger!
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[]HonkeyDong 55 points 8 hours ago

I always thought chugger was the variation with a hollowed out wiffle bat full of
beer.

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[]pacmatt27 54 points 7 hours ago

In England we use a broom and my uncle calls it "wip-wop".

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[]geekmuseNU 152 points 7 hours ago

Most people call it a "drinking problem"

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[]hezdokwow 42 points 6 hours ago

It's only a problem if you're a fuckin quitter.

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[]Dr_Manhattan_DDM 95 points 8 hours ago

Hard mode drinking game words: the troops, terrorism, make america great
again
Enjoy your decimated liver!

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[]varsil 1657 points 7 hours ago

Enough ex-lax that they each qualify as a rocket engine.


That way it'll seem like less shit is coming out of their mouths by comparison.

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[]dirtstarfish 414 points 6 hours ago

Or you could up the ante and give them each a bag of Haribo sugar-free gummy
bears and let it be a surprise

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[]_-Redacted-_ 93 points 4 hours ago

Whaddaya tryin to do have them spontaneously flip inside out?


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[]Sir_Cunt_of_Mingedom 1258 points 10 hours ago

As much meth as they can possibly take, in order to simulate the pressures of the
presidency and to see how they each handle it.

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[]DarknStormies 342 points 8 hours ago

Implying that Hillary won't be on amphetamines in order to stand up for 90


minutes

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[]EditorialComplex 321 points 7 hours ago

Implying that Trump hasn't been popping speed pills for the last 40 years
continuously.
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[]titanic_eclair 175 points 7 hours ago

That guy pops so much speed, you won't believe it. He's like a speed god, that
guy. Nobody's ever seen the likes of the amount of speed someone can do on a
continuous basis and suffer little to no health effects. It's like he was built for
speed-- the perfect speed specimen. Nobody can do more speed than Donald
Trump-- nobody! Let's make America fast again!

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[]thesirenlady 78 points 4 hours ago

make America fast again!


Vote 1 Sonic T. Hedgehog

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[]DarknStormies 53 points 7 hours ago

Implying Lester Holt won't be useless and languid after rolling on molly and coke
since Friday night

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[]McEirhead 292 points 8 hours ago

They're probably already pacing themselves on a steady stream of that.

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[]sarsXdave 307 points 7 hours ago

Kennedy and Nixon were both said to have taken Rx amphetamines like
Methedrine and Dexedrine, respectively. Having been prescribed Adderall and
Dexedrine in the past, I also think a lot of reporters are on something like that (or
maybe ephedrine), the day before through the night of the election. They way
they're up for so long and sometimes look like they're a bit geeked out, but, good
at hiding it.
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[]sammysfw 185 points 7 hours ago

Back then it was easy as shit to get prescribed amphetamines; they basically
gave them to anyone who said they got tired during the day or wanted to lose
weight.

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[]mehum 225 points 5 hours ago

When I was a kid my mum was prescribed some weight loss tablets that must
have been some kind of speed. She loved them, but I remember being a bit
scared when she hit the roof because the doctor wouldn't repeat her script. She
was soooo pissed off at how unreasonable he was being, stupid doctor thinks
they're addictive, as if I'm going to get addicted, I just really want some more
etc.

Funny now but scary back then.

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[]lockdown6435 120 points 4 hours ago

You uhhh...you ever seen Requiem for a Dream?

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[]Shittywarbenjagerman 110 points 4 hours ago

If i ever think about seeing this movie again I just listen to the soundtrack and I
haven't been compelled to see it more than once. One of the best movies I'll
never watch again.

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[]reddit_spud 1007 points 10 hours ago

Not sure taking hard drugs would be a good idea but they should both get the
best makeup money can buy. Actually now that I think about it, Beta blockers to
keep the blood pressure and heart rate down and eliminate any muscle tremor.
And maybe like .25 Xanax to keep a cool head.

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[]libraryspy 455 points 10 hours ago

I mean... you're not wrong...

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[]homogenisis 312 points 8 hours ago

Probably what they're already taking haha


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[]f1del1us 195 points 8 hours ago

Best realistic answer here. If I was at that level I'd keep a small pharmacy
around.

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[]HatesRedditors 294 points 7 hours ago

You have two candidates that are 69 and 70. Their bag men are probably walking
pharmacies.
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[]f1del1us 48 points 7 hours ago

Their bag men probably have multiple medical degrees...

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[]rainmanzuckerberg 162 points 7 hours ago

replace the makeup for lotion maybe? lizard skin is incredibly dry

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[]reddit_spud 87 points 7 hours ago

What I want to know is why is it so fucking difficult to get the shade of spray on
tan correct and not look like an oompa loompa. It's not just Trump but other
celebrities too.
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[]ivegotapenis 64 points 6 hours ago

TV makeup is often done for particular lighting conditions. If everything isn't lit as
expected, everything looks strangely coloured.

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[]pfeifits 872 points 10 hours ago

Trump: Viagra. Can display his hands free hand spin.


Clinton: LSD. Shake things up a bit.

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[]bindingeagle 2417 points 8 hours ago

Don't give Trump viagra, he'll get taller

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[]sibivel 271 points 8 hours ago

Rekt
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[]Aroundtheworldin80 434 points 8 hours ago

eRekt

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[]SirGreig 126 points 8 hours ago

If eRektion persists past three hours please call your physician.

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[]thundergonian 94 points 8 hours ago

If eRektion persists past three hours please call your physician nearest burn
center.
FTFY

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[]Jah_Ith_Ber 76 points 7 hours ago

Clinton: LSD

We already got this. I'd rather see them both baked retarded.

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[]RamsesThePigeon 857 points 10 hours ago

FADE IN:
INT. HOFSTRA UNIVERSITY - THE AUDITORIUM - EVENING
A tall, bespectacled man looks out across a large crowd of people. This is LESTER
HOLT, the debate moderator. He adjusts his tie with evident nervousness.
HOLT: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the first 2016 Presidential Debate.
The crowd claps appreciatively.
HOLT: (CONT'D) That really wasn't worthy of applause. Tonight's debate will be a
bit... different from previous ones, in that each candidate will be under the
influence an unknown drug. It's up to you, the audience - and viewers at home to correctly guess the substance with which they have been dosed.
Holt waits for a moment. The silence grows heavy.
HOLT: (CONT'D) You can clap now.
The silence remains.
HOLT: (CONT'D) Oh, whatever. Let's bring out the contesta... er, candidates!
Hesitant applause breaks out, growing more enthusiastic as two figures appear.
The first is a slightly overweight man with a golden comb-over and a face like a
leather armchair. This is DONALD TRUMP. He is joined on the stage by a woman
whose icy smile is clearly meant to put people at ease, but accomplishes the
opposite. This is HILLARY CLINTON.
TRUMP: Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. He...
CLINTON: (Interrupting) What?
TRUMP: I got stuck and I forgot how to stop.
CLINTON: Stop what?
TRUMP: Yes. I'm good at it. I'm the best. I've done it a lot, and I've always done
it better than most people, and I'm going to keep being good at it now.
CLINTON: ... What?
TRUMP: It's gone now. It left. That moment will never come again.
CLINTON: We should get a...
HOLT: (Interrupting) Well, I can see you're both sufficiently out of it. Let's have
our first topic of debate. Mister Trump, you will answer first.
TRUMP: That's a great question, and I'll tell you why it's a great question. It's
great because it cuts to the heart of what's...
HOLT: (Interrupting) I haven't asked it yet.
Clinton suddenly looks shocked.
CLINTON: Whoa! Whoa, wait a minute! What if... what if you did?
TRUMP: He definitely did. I can see it. There's a whole different world there,
where he did.
CLINTON: Did what?
TRUMP: I know you feel it, too. I can feel that you feel it. My opponent is lying if
she says she can't feel it, because we're all connected, and that's why it's so
important.
HOLT: (Shouting) Can I please ask the first question?!
Clinton starts giggling. Trump's eyes go wide as he suddenly becomes very
interested in stroking his tie.

CLINTON: That was a question!


TRUMP: I know. It was definitely a question. He asked a question, but he was
really speaking to us from the past. I know that. Anyone with eyes can see that.
That question - and that was a great question - is right there, in the past, but we
need to focus on the future.
CLINTON: Yeah. Yeah, I feel you.
Trump suddenly starts crying tears of joy.
TRUMP: This is it, right here! This is the past! We're looking back on this moment
from the future! That future is now! We need... we... we...
Trump becomes distracted by his tie again. Hillary pulls a bag of Funyuns out
from a hidden pocket in her pantsuit and struggles to open them.
HOLT: (Muttering) This is ridiculous. Go to a commercial.
CUT TO BLACK.
FADE IN:
Text on a white screen reads: "WHAT ARE THEY ON?"
TL;DR: It's up to you, the viewer, to decide what drugs the candidates
are on!

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[]internetlad 185 points 10 hours ago

I admire the commitment. Ecstacy for trump and weed for Clinton?

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[]RamsesThePigeon 196 points 9 hours ago

Clinton was indeed under the influence of marijuana, but Trump was not on
ecstasy.
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[]SpicyMayoJaySimpson 114 points 9 hours ago

shrooms for trump

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[]RamsesThePigeon 112 points 9 hours ago

Some of the effects are similar to mushrooms, but you're looking for something a
little bit more exotic.
I'll give you a hint: Donald Trump has been accused of looking like the source of
this hallucinogen.

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[]Valdrax 384 points 9 hours ago

You can get high off of a deflated basketball?

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[]Dustin- 105 points 8 hours ago

Agent Orange?

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[]Irorak 59 points 8 hours ago

A toad is the only thing I can think of - but I don't think that's what you mean. If
it isn't a kind of mushroom, or a psychedelic cactus, then I have no idea what it
could be.
edit: he confirmed it later on down the page - toad is correct!

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[]alquicksilver 164 points 9 hours ago

Alright, Ramses. I can only Google "Trump hallucinogen appearance" and its
variations so many times before the NSA starts asking questions, and I still have
no idea.
The drug that's made from the secretions of toads? Trump kinda looks like a toad.

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[]RamsesThePigeon 162 points 8 hours ago*

Correct! Trump was under the influence of bufotenin.


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[]alquicksilver 65 points 8 hours ago

Woo! What's my prize? Because if it's not your script being enacted on Monday,
I'll be sorely disappointed.

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[]RamsesThePigeon 63 points 8 hours ago

We can only hope.


Then again, maybe they'll do something even sillier on their own.

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[]linkprovidor 38 points 7 hours ago

THE RAREST OF PEPES.

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[]NiobiumGoat 93 points 8 hours ago

Clinton was doing the Snoop Leaf


Trump was on... nothing.

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[]Apollo_D 482 points 10 hours ago

Ayuahasca

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[]Danieltmv 209 points 8 hours ago

Yes. Maybe some multidimensional beings could talk some sense into them.

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[]Faldorn 95 points 8 hours ago

Just got back from Peru. Have an upvote

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[]The_Blastronaut 416 points 7 hours ago

Party Time Mentats with a Moonshine chaser. +7 Cha could make either of these
toads look like a real winner.

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[]dissonance07 82 points 6 hours ago

I'm imagining Trump as Tuco from Breaking Bad, behind a desk, crushing small
orange piles of Spice Melange with the butt of a knife, and taking hits off the end
of the blade.

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[]rck_james_bitch 262 points 10 hours ago

Ecstasy. But they would probably fuck on stage and no one wants to see that.

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[]skeptibat 237 points 8 hours ago

nsfw?

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[]NiobiumGoat 291 points 8 hours ago

YES. NSFW.
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[]StickyGoodness 181 points 8 hours ago

NSFL
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[]larrydocsportello 122 points 8 hours ago

WHY IS THERE A QUESTION MARK? YES, NSF ANYTHING


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[]DoomFisk 57 points 7 hours ago

Jesus fucking Christ.


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[]Ymir_from_Saturn 50 points 7 hours ago

/r/jesuschristreddit
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[]Maybewhocansay 80 points 10 hours ago

Omg. No thanks. What would they say at the Donald subreddit about that? They
think everything he does is great. By the time it was over they would be saying
how sexy Hillary is.

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[]randomburner23 66 points 9 hours ago

They would claim he wasn't actually turned on by it and just did it as a power
play like when Joe fucks a dude in episode 3 of Halt and Catch Fire.
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[]FreedomFromIgnorance 37 points 7 hours ago

He was demonstrating dominance. It's not about sex it's about power.

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[]Dannyhealy 244 points 7 hours ago

Between them I'd say two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five
sheets of high powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half full of cocaine, and a whole
galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers... and also a quart
of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of Budweiser, a pint of raw ether and two dozen
amyls. Not that theyd need all that for the debate, but once you get locked into a
serious discussion, the tendency is to push it as far as you can....but that's just
me.

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[]garfar73 126 points 4 hours ago

To the untrained eye it would seem like it started like any other debate before
rapidly derailing into a debauched and savage journey into the heart of the
American dream

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[]trampabroad 56 points 2 hours ago

As your attorney, I advise you to build it ten feet higher.

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[]ilikemashpotatoes 193 points 9 hours ago

a god dam chill pill

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[]weezermc78 184 points 10 hours ago

Give them both LSD. If they start having a bad trip, at least it'll be entertaining

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[]Captain_Chaos_ 148 points 9 hours ago

If they start having a bad trip then the moderators have to taunt them with sock
puppets.

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[]Maybewhocansay 157 points 10 hours ago

Clinton definitely gets the codeine so she does not cough. In fact she probably is
on it right now. Donald trump on meth in a debate would be huge and he would
probably become the Incredible Hulk.

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[]HailAarron 53 points 8 hours ago

Long live ASAP Bill I'm on that codeine right now.

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[]fathum770 153 points 9 hours ago

Bath Salt, maybe they can eat one another's brains out... or whatever is in there.

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[]btribble 174 points 6 hours ago

A shoeless Trump hangs ominously over his podium emitting a deep guttural
growl and swinging his head back and forth. Long streams of drool fall from his
mouth like a St. Bernard anticipating dinner. He's shifting his weight back and
forth and grinding the balls of his feet onto the carpet.
Clinton is on her knees with eyes the size of saucepans. She's staring at her own
hands on the carpet but seeing unknown horrors. Whenever Trump releases a
great coughing growl, Clinton tries to scream, but she lost her voice twenty
minutes ago and the only sound that comes out is like air escaping the mouth of
a balloon.

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[]Fancy_Snacks 103 points 8 hours ago

Kratom

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[]DylanBob1991 69 points 7 hours ago

Yeah maybe then we can avoid the fucking archaic ban...

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[]The_Legend_of_Zorldo 98 points 7 hours ago

Whatever the fuck ben carson is on all the time.

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[]jliv60 93 points 9 hours ago

Krokodil

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[]asap_kat 95 points 11 hours ago

Ketamine.

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[]reddit_spud 61 points 10 hours ago

Are we talking an anethetic lose consciosness dose, K- hole dose, or just trip a
little dose?

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[]savagemick 73 points 9 hours ago

All of those in reverse order.


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[]reddit_spud 54 points 9 hours ago

That would make a pretty funny debate, culminated by the candidates speaking
gibberish and then losing consciousness and falling in a pile. The internet would
explode.

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[]9_Tailz 92 points 9 hours ago

Give some Datura to both and whoever can complete a coherent sentence gets
my trust as someone who can handle shit under pressure.

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[]KeyserSOhItsTaken 74 points 10 hours ago

Truth serum.

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[]gitrjoda 65 points 10 hours ago

Polyjuice

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[]Bmystic 48 points 9 hours ago

Have them come on stage in disguise and try to convince us they are each other.

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[]Nick30075 66 points 9 hours ago

Let's include third parties (even though they won't be at the debate) just for the
hell of it.
Vermin Supreme--nothing, he's already perfect in every way. Oh, and he's
probably already tried everything here.
Jill Stein--LSD, maybe her "wifi causes cancer" nonsense would start to sound
sensible.
Gary Johnson--a dose of chlorine gas, for Aleppo's sake.

Clinton--weed, because she needs to convince people that she's going to disobey
her donors on this one. Maybe. Because she's always done that. /s
Trump--meth, just meth. Then his comments might sound less like racism and
more like true insanity, which would be funny as hell to see on live TV.

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[]Picklestasteg00d 58 points 10 hours ago*

Trump needs some good weed so he can calm down. Hillary needs adrenaline so
she can stand. i hate both equally
Edit: Please, do tell me who is worse of the two. I'm DYING TO KNOW. Send me
more about how "godawful" one of the cantidates is in comparison to the other. I
AM SO INTERESTED. /s.

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[]SpongeMuncher 39 points 8 hours ago

Laxative - last man standing wins

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What song do you want played at your funeral?


4791

Who is the most spoiled person you know and why?

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[]ohboythisisit 6162 points 21 hours ago*

One of my friends was not spoiled as a teenager, but when he hit his early
twenties his dad had a big scratchcard win. Dad bought him a house and paid him
through university.
He currently likes to make speeches about how "Anything is possible. All you have
to do is go out and work for it."
He currently doesn't work. Dad pays for everything
EDIT: Wow I didn't expect so many replies! Just to clear a few things up:
In the UK you can win up to a million on scratchcards. His dad's win was in the
hundreds of thousands which completely paid for his tuition and a large chunk of
the house. He still has a mortgage to pay for, but from what he has told me the
amount he pays (or should I say dad pays) per month is very low. He also has a
roommate that pays him rent which all goes in his pocket.
He used to be a down to earth and self sufficient guy. Now he acts like a self
made internet millionaire

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[]hiRyan33 4751 points 19 hours ago

I'm not surprised just mad

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[]Mike312 3247 points 18 hours ago

All you need is a small loan of a million dollars...


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[]kasert778 554 points 18 hours ago

We need

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[]irritabletom 2261 points 19 hours ago

I grew up around kids who came from money. They would often mock my busboy
job and openly wonder why I bothered with working. Rich people are often
delusional.

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[]Billybilly_B 2563 points 18 hours ago

No, the children of rich people are often delusional. It's the second and especially
the third generations.
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[]FlashpointJ24 3044 points 17 hours ago*

Some people are born on third base, but go through life thinking they hit a triple.
--Barry Switzer
EDIT: Added source

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[]ThrowAwaySCSC 1089 points 15 hours ago

"The first generation works their fingers to the bone. Second generation goes to
college and innovates new ideas. The third generation...goes snowboarding and
takes improv classes. - Jack Donaghy

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[]khaosdaemon 1478 points 18 hours ago

I had a girl who said she hated people who were on the dole. She had everything
paid for by her parents but didn't know what irony was.

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[]tackymunx 763 points 16 hours ago

I expect she had an idea of it, like having ten thousand spoons when all you need
is a knife.
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[]53595 167 points 16 hours ago

Man, that's like when it rains on your wedding day.

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[]Tall_Mickey 1069 points 18 hours ago

I've known several people who don't work for a living who are absolutely sure
that anything's possible if you try, and are completely against 'government
interference.'
One was living for free in a house his mother owned in exchange for keeping it up
-- which he didn't -- and stayed alive by charging up cards and rolling balances
from one to the next. Eventually his brother kicked him out and started actually
fixing the house. He had to get a job and lives with Mom. He hates his brother,
and government.

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[]Tilt-er 582 points 15 hours ago

My girlfriend's roommate is kind of like this. I'm 28, have been employed full-time
since I was 15 but earlier this year was unexpectedly laid off and went on
unemployment benefits. She's 22, has never been anything other than a student
and her dad owns a bunch of successful restaurants. She loves spouting off about
how I need to find work(like im not trying), and how she saw a sign that the Del
Taco was hiring so it's not like places aren't hirinig. She fails to realize that I've

paid more in taxes the past 2 years than she has personally paid in her entire life,
my unemployment is paid by the company I used to work for, not her daddies
taxes. And me taking a job at Del Taco will make it infinitely more difficult for me
to find a job in my field at my rate in the future. But in her eyes: I'm lazy and it's
because I'm not trying.
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[]warmsoothingrage 360 points 15 hours ago

Just tell her you aren't going to work anymore because you and her dad worked
out an agreement just like the one she has with him.

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[]Keep-reefer-illegal 5526 points 21 hours ago*x2

My sister. She has always bitched and moaned but here are the highlights:

she called the cops during an argument and told the cops he tried to rape
her. The only reason he didn't get arrested is her history of bullshit and her
changing story. (My uncle also advocated to the cops to not arrest my dad)

she got a new car for some reason, she crashed it and got another, she
burned out an axel on it and got a used car.

she called my grandma who had cancer and told her "I hope you die you old
dinosaur"; the reason was that she wouldn't tell my mom to buy her
something

she didn't like the place my parents rented her so she cancelled the lease.
My parents rushed to help her get a new place

she has hit my mom before for not buying her stuff.
she has flunked out of 3 schools. One school she didn't even go to one
class; she didn't tell my parents despite the fact that they could have gotten a
refund.

Edit: one more:

after the cat died my parents bought her another one. She decided she
didn't even want it by the end of the day. Ended up being my cat. She kept
bitching but my parents finally told her that they weren't going to adopt
another one.

Edit 2: 50 upvotes (almost) edition!

She threw my mom's phone out the window because she was mad at her.

During a disneyland vacation she demanded her own hotel room (or just to
share one with only my cousin I can't remember which). She bitched for the
entire way there and my parents gave in.

Edit 3: 150 (about) upvote edition.

She once stabbed a door because she was mad at me. I was on the other
side of that door.

She once attempted to get my dog to run into a street with busy traffic

Edit 4: 420 upvotes edition:

She once got home high and claimed the cat (who needed medication) got
out. The cat slept in my room that night, but I put the cat back because he
was hungry. My parents thought the cat escaped through my window, we
looked outside for an hour before finding the cat in the room he was supposed
to be in. She didn't help look and laughed.

My grandma (the one who had cancer) was moving (money issues).
Everyone was supposed to help, my sister and my cousin decided to smoke pot
in the back of the house my grandma was selling. My parents and I had to
cover for her because my grandma couldn't handle any more stress.

Edit 5: 600 666 upvotes. Almost makes my dysfunctional family worth it!

She has been in jail before. The cops have come to our home several times.
The neighbors called from time to time. (Thanks to /u/Jimbobler for that idea)

She told the cops she was going to kill herself. Then complained that my
parents put her in the mental hospital and they didn't stop the cops.

Edit 6: A thousand upvotes and years of therapy edition!

She used to throw up in front of my parents when she wanted them to feel
bad. My parents took it seriously and assumed she was bulimic.

She used to do the same thing with cutting, she would cut herself
exclusively in front of my parents to make them think she had a mental illness.

She has called my mom over 500 times in one day. On just a normal bad
day, it can be about 200 calls and countless texts.

She has lived in several states including the midwest and east coast, all on
my parents dime. She called them all the time seemingly just to be nasty.

She harassed a family to the point they called they threatened to call the
cops because she claim they owed her money. They paid her for work she
didn't even show up to.

Edit 7: 1500 upvotes: Build the emotional wall edition!

After she falsely accused my dad, they (don't ask me who they is, I actually
don't know) sent in a social worker.This one isn't her fault: the social worker
was an idiot. Rich bitch with a Louis Vutton purse comes in and asks me a few
buzz questions (do you feel like you are walking on eggshells) and solves
nothing. back to things that are her fault . She started changing her story
again, saying he beats her. Then she changed it again, to he just emotionally
abuses her. I don't know if she tried to inch closer to the truth or she tried
throwing new charges or what.

she has purposefully let the cat out before. Luckily the cat didn't feel like
running away that day. (at least she didn't chase it into the street)

She told my aunt with fertility issues something along the lines of "Its a
good thing you can't get pregnant because you would be a horrible mother"

Edit 8: 2000 upvotes: 2nd place in this thread edition.

She was absent from school so many times the truant officer knew us by
name. Same with some of the police.

She told my mom that "This is the reason your mom died, because you are
a bitch" (or something along those lines) because my mom didn't want to give
her more money.

For one of her birthdays she ruined the entire thing and cursed at my
parents because it wasn't extravagant enough.

Edit 9: 3000 upvotes: "I swear new teacher, I am an only child" edition.

She would frequently run away, but only for a few nights. Enough to push
my parents buttons.

She has threatened my mom with a knife before. (I really wish they would
have locked that knife drawer)

She used to freak out at the grocery store if my parents didn't buy her
expensive food she liked.

I can't remember if this was her or my cousin, but one of them cursed out a
teacher in high school.

Also after my grandma died, my sister would criticize my mom for spending
the money my grandma specifically left for my mom, the criticism was that my
mom should have spent it on stuff for my sister. (and it wasn't polite criticism,
it was screaming)

Edit 10: 3500 Upvotes: The "Holy shit people I am not out of stories yet, how
fucked up was my childhood" edition.

She would frequently harass my dad, and still does to this day. She calls
him a rapist (proven false) and threatens she will call the cops again unless he
gives her money.

She spiked my cousins drink with vodka, it was obvious because it tasted
bad

my cousin has some problems with her mother, she told my cousin that it
was her fault.

She once broke a window with a baseball bat (maybe it was a golf club?)
and then when my parents called the cops, she blamed them for the fact that
she got arrested (yes, this was a different incident than when she told the cops
she wanted to kill herself).

Edit 11: 4000 Upvotes: Attempted kick outs edition

My parents once paid for her to live in the midwest on the condition she
went to school or got a job. It never happened.

I once enlisted my friend to serve her papers to legally evict her from the
home (How you doin, I know you are out there reading this! You owe me
money you salt miner!). My parents paid him and he bought us in-n-out
burger It was a tense 30 day wait. The police were called to help her get out
peacefully. I can't remember if she moved back in after that.

as was promised to /u/itswoot here is the time my parents let her back in.
She drove all the way up from (I think) LA? Maybe it was somewhere else. She
drove from somewhere damn it. After my parents told her not to. She showed
up at the door at like midnight and for some reason my parents let her in. She
did not leave for several months.

Edit 12: 4500 upvotes + Gold: I guess I can keep posting edition!

She transferred high schools several times, usually because she claimed
that someone did something to her. Eventually she just dropped out but not
before making my parents drive her to several different locations all across the
district (When she decided to go to school)

I was once told by my useless therapist to "make a list of all the bad stuff"
or whatever (Sort of like what I am doing now). She went into my room,
ripped it up. She started complaining to my parents that I said nasty things
about her and she had an "episode" about it. My parents at least sided with
me, don't go through my shit.

It got so bad that I finally installed a lock on my door.

Speaking of doors, she once kicked my parents door off the hinges. (Yes we
own cheap doors). She also put holes in several walls.

She shoplifted a bunch when she was a teen, never got caught, so maybe
there isn't justice in this world.

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[]SleepySlowpoke 2914 points 21 hours ago*

That sounds.. Like a terrible person. Why do you parents keep dealing with her?
Edit: I understand that family is difficult to cut off, but from my own experience,
my parents would have kicked me out of the house if I would have dared to slap
them in the face..

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[]Keep-reefer-illegal 2212 points 21 hours ago

I've been wondering that all my life.


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[]DrCool2016 198 points 20 hours ago

It sounds like a case of no one wanting to deal with the fallout of not doing what
she says; they feel it's just easier to appease her. It's a real shitty situation.

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[]ooSuitsyousir 1656 points 20 hours ago

I'm sorry but your parents are morons

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[]PeanutButter-n-Jaaam 644 points 19 hours ago*

Hella, I'd kick her the fuck out and never do a thing for her again unless she
miraculously got her bullshit together.
EDIT: Wow, okay. That got more insane - sorry about your shitty sibling. What a
piece of crap human!
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[]sillyjew 862 points 19 hours ago

This bitch lied about her own dad raping her to the cops...I'd say they're scared of
what she would do. This chick needs to institutionalized.

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[]Keep-reefer-illegal 421 points 19 hours ago

She was once for like 48 hours or 72 hours or something

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[]TaylorS1986 1262

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points 19 hours ago

Your sister seriously sounds like a sociopath, her callousness together with her
irresponsibility set off alarm bells.

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[]Qender 1091 points 18 hours ago

Yeah, this isn't someone who is spoiled or selfish, this is someone with an
undiagnosed serious mental disorder.
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[]danecarney 446 points 15 hours ago

Yah, brother mentioned something about her "pretending to have mental


problems" and couldn't help but think, "where there's smoke, there's fire".

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[]VBaus 556 points 21 hours ago

Hey, free cat

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[]GunsNMuffins 617 points 20 hours ago

Yeah! Who is REALLY the spoiled one here huh, getting free cats and shit.
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[]TAMN2M 191 points 20 hours ago

I think the cat's the spoiled one here

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[]NecroNarwhal 239 points 19 hours ago

Yeah! Who is REALLY the spoiled one here huh, getting free humans and shit.

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[]aaron22aaron 251 points 18 hours ago

my sister is like this. We recently took her to a psychologist she has a hormonal
imbalance. She is taking pills for it now. My parents claim it is better than it was.
Given my sister never tried to kill my dog, but she did hit me in the face with an
aluminum bat so there is that.

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[]TheOriginalFire 160 points 20 hours ago

What an enchantress.

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[]fedupofbrick 5359 points 21 hours ago

There's a little shit of a kid next door. Parents are those new age parents. Real
hands on parenting. No one is better than Dylan. He's 11 and has a PS4, XBox
One, drum kit, guitar and his parents for the last five years have sent him to

Barcelona for a football camp. He walks around like Lord Muck. Has one of those
resting smug faces. I hate him. I'm a 25 year old male.

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[]queenofthera 4228 points 20 hours ago

Is there another kid in Dylan's house who sleeps under the stairs?

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[]fedupofbrick 2595 points 20 hours ago

He has a younger brother called San who's pretty chill.


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[]DoingTasks 1760 points 20 hours ago

No I'm not Sean! I'm San!

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[]whysotortoise 1063 points 18 hours ago

Well, "Just San"... did you ever make anything happen? Anything you couldn't
explain when you were angry or scared?

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[]StillThinking01 797 points 17 hours ago

Yer a wizard San

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[]AskMeForFunnyVoices 355 points 16 hours ago

Listen here Hagrid you FAT OAF

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[]bbrosto 210 points 20 hours ago

Honestly you could have just said his name was San and I would assume he was
pretty chill

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[]Ivyleaf3 350 points 20 hours ago

/r/unexpectedhogwarts
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[]joey_fatass 1691 points 20 hours ago

"Can I borrow the yacht, mom?"


"Not today Dylan"
"Count your days bitch"

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[]babybopp 718 points 17 hours ago*

My cousin is 10. His mom died 3 years ago. Ever since then, he eats pizza or fries
and chicken nuggets every day every meal for the last 3 years. He has obesity
and lumbers into the kitchen like a brontosauraus every time he needs food.
Edit: his dad spoils him.
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[]AwkwardRainbow 416 points 16 hours ago

Jesus, I don't know what to feel.

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[]Defends_ForceAwakens 644 points 16 hours ago

I do: really fucking sad.

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[]Morigyn 199 points 14 hours ago

Man, someone needs to actually parent that kid. At 7, if he didn't get help, food is
something a lot of troubled kids turn to, no surprise there. He should have had a
responsible adult to help him mourn and to not turn to food.
I should know, I was 11 when my dad died :/

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[]squidgun 711 points 20 hours ago

I suppose the kid's not really at fault here. Is the parents who are raising him to
be an ass hat .

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[]Jay_Highland 1129 points 20 hours ago

Exactly. I knew a guy who grew up like that but when he matured, he realizes his
parent's actions were turning him into an unlikable bastard. He is now one of the
most generous, nicest people I have known.
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[]ManQnian 951 points 18 hours ago

So he kind of re-raised himself, that's actually pretty impressive.

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[]beepbeepitsajeep 466 points 18 hours ago

Actually he took the way he was raised and instead of letting it spoil him, he
decided to act like his parents were to him. Generous and kind.
Or so I get the impression from the two sentences I've read about this guy.

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[]Riveris 197 points 20 hours ago

Ugh it's always the Dylans being pretentious, isn't it? I knew one who was in
grade 4 while I was in grade 8 and we had the same bus stop and he literally
threw chunks of ice at me along with this 6th grade girl named Morgan. And also
they tried to manipulate this third grade girl to bully me as well.

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[]jhpb93 4801 points 21 hours ago*

There was a kid in my fraternity whose parents were literally billionaires. We


actually had a couple of them but this kid was just dumb rich. For making the
deans list one semester, his parents let him get any car he wanted under
$100,000 (I am not making this up). Kid got pissed because the package he
wanted on his Jaguar F Type made it over 100k and his parents said fine after
enough protest. At least I got to drive it sometimes though. Sick car. Edit:
who's/whose

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[]RxStrengthBob 4907 points 21 hours ago*

He can pick any car under 100k and he goes with a fucking jag?
Jesus. I hate him too.
Edit: oh god what have I done

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[]jhpb93 2447 points 20 hours ago

All of our friend group really were pushing for the most souped up tesla but he
didn't want it because there was no way to charge it at the frat house... yes he
kept his jag in a frat house parking lot.
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[]cheerchick1944 1852 points 19 hours ago

yes he kept his jag in a frat house parking lot.


This is the most shocking part

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[]MalooFury 1111 points 19 hours ago

"What? Its not like its a very expensive car or anything."

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[]djn808 1201 points 18 hours ago

Not compared to the Maseratis and Lambos they're driving around at UBC

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[]CGY-SS 967 points 17 hours ago

Ah yes, the Chinese students.

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[]a_casserole 693 points 20 hours ago

F types are really good cars


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[]Tierosaurus 421 points 18 hours ago

Yeah, I think most car enthusiasts would definitely prefer it over a Tesla. That's
not a bad car at all either of course, just not really for petrol heads.

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[]Paremo 430 points 17 hours ago

just not really for petrol heads.


Because there is no petrol involved, I reckon.

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[]dark-green 1130 points 20 hours ago

I've got a friend who's family is worth billions and the guy drives a worse car than
I do and and still tries to bum money off me

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[]Jay_Highland 1966 points 20 hours ago

Well, just because his family has money doesnt mean he does. Maybe they are
trying to teach him to make it on his own.
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[]barandor 878 points 19 hours ago

My parents make decent money, but ater I turned 14 I had to work for every
luxury thing I wanted. I did a paperroute for a 256MB MP3 player which always
broke after a month and I didn't have a laptop or even a tv until I went to Uni.
I'm glad they did it, teaches kids the value of a hard earned pay check.

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[]kingsandkeys 589 points 17 hours ago

I'm glad you specified "luxury" thing. I never struggled for anything I NEEDED.
My mom was definitely not rich but I was never deprived. But anything outside of
the necessary, new earrings, iPod, even my first smartphone, were bought by me
with my money. I take care of my money now because I know what it's worth.

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[]Spartan1997 342 points 17 hours ago

My parents gave me everything I ever wanted and yet I'm the cheapest person
you'll ever meet.

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[]jhpb93 144 points

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20 hours ago

Yeah, the other kids in my fraternity who come from that kind of money aren't
really show offs. This kids just a trip

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[]Mr_Funnybones 4485 points 23 hours ago

My brothers girlfriends daughter screams whenever she can't have what she
wants. They give her what she wants so she'll stop screaming.

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[]Keep-reefer-illegal 4271 points 21 hours ago

This is a dangerous pattern

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[]Poem_for_your_sprog 4991 points 20 hours ago

'I don't understand it,' he whispered in thought 'She screamed, so we gave her whatever she sought!
A mountainous fountain of presents galore!
But now it's just louder.
... Perhaps she needs more?'
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[]Pidgeapodge 2369 points 19 hours ago*

Are you aware that there is a PDF compilation of all your poems? It's over 800
pages long.
Edit: since everyone keeps asking for the
link:https://9814306718f83fe0d28fafe3f08a4df985f1c874.googledrive.com/host/
0B5rhAEnx4Q9wbWdkbXd1VnpzUEU
Double edit: to everyone thanking me, you're all welcome! But you should really
be thanking/u/poem_for_your_sprog for writing all this poetry!

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[]_itsaconspiracy 979 points 19 hours ago*

It's 1082 pages now.


EDIT: Added 'now'.

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[]Pidgeapodge 493 points 17 hours ago

It's obviously grown since I last downloaded it.

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[]davis98 301 points 20 hours ago

Bless you, rhyming sprog man. Bless you.

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[]Keep-reefer-illegal 638 points 21 hours ago

Future /r9k/ right here.


"MORE TENDIES REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

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[]sickpebbles 591 points 21 hours ago

Change her habits now before its too late

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[]puckit 296 points 20 hours ago

As someone expecting his first child, got any ideas on how best to handle it?
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[]pandabuns 1035 points 19 hours ago

Set rules and boundaries and stick to them. If you tell your kid they can't have a
cookie right now and they start pitching a fit, don't give in and give them the
cookie just so they'll stop screaming. That only teaches them they just have to
scream and they'll get whatever they want. Pleading and reasoning with a
screaming child doesn't always have the best results. In my classrom, if a child

decides to throw a fit I put them away from the group (where they can't hurt
themselves or others) and tell them they can come back when they are done.
Usually within a few minutes they come back, ready to listen.

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[]IAmThe0neWhoKn0cks 854 points 17 hours ago

Just tried this to my toddler. He ran away, came back and bit me. Maybe I'll try
again in a few years.

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[]EpitomyofShyness 590 points 16 hours ago

Toddlers really can't be reasoned with. You just sort of have to accept that there
will be temper tantrums, and you can't give in because in the long run not giving
in will pay off.

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[]muhash14 198 points 15 hours ago

Yeah, adorable little devils that they are. Most of the time you don't know
whether to just plaster them with kisses or toss them out the nearest window.

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[]swagg_bunny 335 points 19 hours ago

if i did that when i was younger i would have gotten things like dessert/able to
watch tv taken away and if i threw a fit about that i'd lose even more privileges
and that really worked for my brother and i. just be sure stay firm in both your
promises and punishments

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[]Relixala 294 points 17 hours ago

Also, when punishing be specific in what the punishment is for, what exactly is
being taken away, and exactly how long it will last. My parents constantly took
things away from me, sometimes without telling me why or that I was in trouble
in the first place. If I asked when I was allowed to have it back, that would

usually land me in more trouble. But if I didn't ask for it back at all, sometimes
whatever was taken away just would never be returned to me, and I would have
to steal it back.
Suffice it to say that it was not effective at all.

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[]FishDawgX 162 points 15 hours ago

Also, when punishing be specific in what the punishment is for, what exactly is
being taken away, and exactly how long it will last.
This is a good point. The most important part of the punishment is the child
clearly understanding it. Here's my list of what to explain to the child:

what the rule is


the reason for the rule
how he broke it
the reason breaking the rule is bad
how he can make up for breaking the rule
what the punishment is
how he can avoid breaking the rule in the future

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[]One-Eyed-Edward 178 points 22 hours ago

Plot twist: the daughter is thirty-five

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[]Cheniarg 4283 points 22 hours ago*

A girl who didn't do dishes or any house chores because daddy had told her she
was a princess. Housemates begged to differ.

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[]Jay_Highland 3142 points 20 hours ago

Then she can pay you for doing it. Princesses have people to clean for them
because royal families have money to pay a staff.

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[][deleted] 2288 points 19 hours ago*

This is what I did with my roommates. I said, "Alright guys, since I don't want to
live in a pigsty, and none of you fucking help me, how about you hire me do it?".
They took the bait. For the rest of our lease, they each paid $20/mo more on
rent, saving me $80.
People can be that lazy.
EDIT: I get it, I charged too low. It was during undergrad, we were all broke, lol.
Just to be clear, the most I did was like kitchen, bathroom, living room, and our
bedroom. If they had clothes or whatever littered over the ground, I'd just toss it
onto their bed and continue to do it until they took care of it.
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[]madmax_br5 1636 points 19 hours ago

Honestly, you are undercharging. $20 a month for no chores? Sign me up!

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[][deleted] 654 points 19 hours ago

Haha, if I ever lease with housemates again, I'll increase my rates since I have
more work experience, lol

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[]uwsdwfismyname 344 points 18 hours ago

Seriously I'll pay you $100 a month to do my house

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[]Sam-Gunn 757 points 21 hours ago

Lynch the royalty! UP THE PROLETARIAT!

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[]queenofthera 346 points 21 hours ago

DU YU HER DE PPL SING?


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[]ImTrulyAwesome 578 points 19 hours ago

Marry her off to some guy for money to show her she's a princess.

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[]HerrDoktorLaser 300 points 18 hours ago

FFS. Don't you know anything?


At the very least, his father also needs to give you land and a title.
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[]mygawd 3862 points 21 hours ago

This kid I went to highschool with got a porsche for his 16th birthday. Keep in
mind 16 in my state is when you can get a permit, so he didn't even have a
license. He got a new one later in highschool after backing out into a tree. He
basically was handed admission to an Ivy league school because his grandparents
had donated a building

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[]ArrowRobber 2429 points 18 hours ago

Being handed admission is one thing. Being handed your degree(s) is another
level of wealth.

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[]Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez 1647 points 17 hours ago

True, but grade inflation is pretty severe at Ivies and C's get degrees. Getting in
(on your merits) is orders of magnitude harder than graduating.
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[]Wheat_Grinder 603 points 14 hours ago

Give me an A! Give me another A! Give me a third A!


What's that spell? Grade inflation!

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[]Bloody_Hangnail 3062 points 23 hours ago

A girl I am friends with: graduated college with an engineering degree, had a


great job making tons of money which she quit because a guy whistled at her.
She worked as a waitress for 20 hours a week and got pregnant. Her parents buy
her a house with the expectation that she pays them rent. She stays at this house
(which is beautiful btw) for 6 months and never pays the rent, her baby daddy
lost his job and spends his days playing video games. She gets in an argument
with her parents and moves in with her bfs parents. She then gets in an
argument with his parents and asks to move back home. Her parents let her
move back home, rent free, utilities paid for, and they watch her baby most days.

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[]SchlongyMcSchlong 1711 points 22 hours ago

Why are you friends with this person? She sounds like a terrible human being.

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[]Bloody_Hangnail 1309 points 22 hours ago

*Names and relationships may be changed to protect the innocent....


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[]Devilz_lettuce 785 points 21 hours ago

So your the whistler/baby daddy

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[]PaperMartin 1230 points 20 hours ago

He's the baby

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[]a_sugary_doom 204 points 20 hours ago

And his name was Albert Einstein.

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[]Keep-reefer-illegal 251 points 21 hours ago

What does she do all day?


Honestly, if the parents watch the kid, she doesn't work or works part time,
where does the rest of the time go?

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[]Bloody_Hangnail 327 points 21 hours ago

That's a good question. I have no idea. Maybe she plays video games with her bf?
She's not into hard drugs so that's not it.
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[]Keep-reefer-illegal 140 points 21 hours ago

By the time she realizes she fucked up her kid, it will be too late

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[]biscuit_mcniggs 3033 points 22 hours ago

This kid at my school. He wrecked his 2016 Ford F150 (after having it for 4 days)
and his dad went out and bought him the 2017 Ford F250 crew cab. He gets a
new phone every 3 weeks or so. He constantly threatens to get his dad to sue
you, and threatens teacher with the same if he gets a bad grade.
Edit: his last name is shaw, and he calls himself anyone of these (depending on
how he feels)

shawdog, rawdog, chaw daddy, raw daddy, uncle shaw, uncle shawdog, uncle raw
dog.

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[]Pizza_Delivery_Dog 2094 points 21 hours ago

Honestly getting a new phone every 3 weeks sounds like a bother. You'll need to
transfer all your files, download every app and log into all your accounts

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[]biscuit_mcniggs 702 points 21 hours ago

Some people are too rich to care about that. Plus apple transfers everything from
the previous phone.
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[]chrisms150 670 points 18 hours ago

But why are you getting the same phone every 3 weeks? What's the point? I can
understanding (slightly) getting a new phone every 3 weeks if you're an
enthusiast who wants to try every flavor of android, on every phone, and are like,
into reviewing them on a blog...
But why the fuck would you get the same phone every 3 weeks? Unless you're an
idiot and are dropping them that often - and even then, doesn't apple replace the
screen the first year or whatever?

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[]Jinglebellsjingleatw 436 points 17 hours ago

Yeah that part of the story seems like an exaggeration

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[]lidsville76 321 points 15 hours ago

I expect 99% of these are exaggerated.

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[]Keep-reefer-illegal 745 points 21 hours ago

So sue me, I'll counter sue for frivolous lawsuit.

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[]Incenetum 351 points 21 hours ago

Sounds like a card game play lmao


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[]Keep-reefer-illegal 225 points 21 hours ago

It's like yu-gi-oh (you kids still play that right?) but with money!

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[]_Lady_Deadpool_ 357 points 21 hours ago

... So Magic?

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[]mygawd 327 points 21 hours ago

This kid who went to my school brought 3 cars to campus his freshman year and
got a new car pretty much every year. He also constantly threatened to get his
police officer uncle (not a police officer in the same state) to arrest them
whenever someone did something he didn't like. I heard his parents hired people
to do all his homework, but he ended up dropping out anyways

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[]biscuit_mcniggs 238 points 21 hours ago

Sounds like what shaw would do.


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[]GozerDaGozerian 423 points 20 hours ago

Thats uncle Rawdog to you.

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[]Tastygroove 195 points 21 hours ago

I'll tell you... I hated him until that last nick name.

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[]Keep-reefer-illegal 178 points 21 hours ago

Give uncle raw dog the new phone


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[]colbsauce 2825 points 21 hours ago

My cousins. My aunt and uncle can never say no to them and they have now
drained my grandmothers small fortune. My other uncle contributed to that as
well but now my grandmother is selling her place and moving to a smaller one
because of how much money she has had to give to that side of the family. I love
them but they are just spoiled as can be

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[]brassmonkeybb 923 points 16 hours ago*

My granny was in a retirement facility and she was fairly well taken care of. Baths
everyday, hair and nails done, 3 square meals, meds at the same time daily, etc.
This was paid for out of her retirement acount that my dad was the executor of
because he was the most successful of her children and could handle money very
well. My aunt, who lives a state over and spent literally no time even visiting her
in 8 fucking years (granny had a stroke, got dementia, and broke her foot all in
one go, aunt didn't even show up for that one), shows up one day and decided
that granny is going to live with her from now on because it's "deplorable that she
isn't living with the family." Mind you, granny had become incontinent before the
stroke and everything got worse from there, my sister was her caretaker for 4
years with no help from ANYONE else besides our father whose home she stayed
at for the prior 14 years. So my aunt moves my granny to her city, she gets
access to the considerable wealth that my dad had accumulated for my granny to
pay for her retirement, and my granny is dead less than a year later. They let her

fucking rot. They wiped out all of her bank accounts and savings. It actually gets
worse. What was left of her estate went to probate because she didn't have a will.
My aunt's family wanted her to be buried in their state so they could establish
"residence" to say that they were the ones deserving of the estate. My pa is
buried here. There is no way in hell they should be buried in two different
graveyards, much less two different states. So, my dad had to pay my aunt the
equivalent of her estates value (<$7000) for her to release the body so it could
be shipped over here (at my father's expense) to be buried (also at my father's
expense) next to her husband. No one from that aunt's side of the family showed
up for the funeral. Or the memorial service which was held a few days before. We
had family that was in their 90s that came from across the country to attend.
Fucking pieces of shit. Edit: As kal_el_diablo pointed out, even if you have a will it
goes to probate. From my understanding a trust will keep it out of probate, but
she had neither.

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[]Girlinhat 381 points 11 hours ago

Why was your aunt even given conservitorship to begin with? Did your dad not
resist her efforts?
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[]yardshark 810 points 20 hours ago

Something like this is happening to my family as well. It's pretty brutal

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[]LemonadeTrophy 2924 points 19 hours ago

My cousin attempted this to my grandmother. My grandmother was covering her


tuition fee over the first year but behold to us, she wasn't attending university
and was just spending the money.
At Christmas my cousin shown up at the family dinner and while everyone was
eating my cousin asked if she could give her the next years tuition.
My grandmother stopped eating and said "Not a fucking chance darling, you're
out of the will by the way"
Everyone went quiet and I just burst out laughing and had to go outside for a few
minutes. It was the first time I had heard her swear, it was beautiful.
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[]excogito_ergo_sum 1099 points 17 hours ago

Maggie Smith played your grandmother in my mental re-imagining of this event.

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[]ScorchG 430 points 17 hours ago

Judi Dench for me

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[]FigFrontflip 391 points 18 hours ago

Dang, go grandma!

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[]uwsdwfismyname 205 points 18 hours ago

Why does your grandmother have to give anybody money, are they extorting her?
This is elder abuse and there are hotlines to report it in most civilized countries.

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[]bumbledaisy 2739 points 21 hours ago*

My college roommate and former best friend. Grew up spoiled as an only child.
Huge 5 bed house for the 3 of them, fancy truck to play with with bells and
whistles, daddy's credit card. When I got engaged I asked her to be my maid of
honor, and she told me no because she couldn't approve of my marriage. The
reason? He didn't have a bachelor's degree, so she was just certain that we
couldn't be happy.
8 years, 2 kids later... I'm still poor, but very happy and have my smoking hot
karate instructor husband who turned out to be a much better deal than making a
spoiled princess happy.
(Edit) I never imagined this particular story to be such a hot topic. I had plenty of
other issues that came up over the years, this was just icing on the cake.
Also, by poor I mean what society believes to be poor. We make ends meet, and
are not left wanting, but make less than the median income for our area by a
decent stretch.

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[]the_doobieman 1258 points 19 hours ago

the fact that someone can equate a bachelors degree to a good marriage is
just..... what the fuck

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[]why-have-a-username 458 points 20 hours ago

Degrees mean nothing when you love someone. When my parents married they
had no degrees, still don't, and they're still as happy as ever. Even after almost
31 years. Your ending sounds very similar to my parents, as they were really poor
for probably 7 or 8 years after they married. But now they've worked hard and
have gotten good salarys, two kids, a nice house, and a loving family.
I hope all goes well for you in the future!

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[]suitology 2321 points 20 hours ago

Guy from my old school was gifted by his parents a 24,000 new sportcar. 2
months later he totalled it while texting. His parents bought him a new suv same
price. Crashed it next month. Parents bought him a used POS for $2000. He
ranted for months.

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[]thematabot 1249 points 18 hours ago*

Every single dipshit described in this thread who was given a car, totalled it. The
car guy inside me is dying a little...
Edit: I can't let the car guy out. NO WAY IN. NO WAY OUT.
Edit2: If anybody knows any rich eejit with disposable income I have a long list of
cars I must at some point drive :P

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[]ArrogantConfusion 509 points 16 hours ago*

I was given my first car in 2003 when I was 15. It was just the frame/body of a
70 Buick skylark. The deal was that as long as I built it they would continue to
buy parts. By the time the car was finished I was 16, had my license, and it cost
6k... it was my baby... then after about a year I realized that 9mi/gal sucks and
bought a Toyota.

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[]a_pomeranian_bowling 2000 points 20 hours ago

Girl I went to college whose parents paid her a 'salary' which was more than I
earned in my job. She then used to tell her parents she needed extra money for
course books and go spend it on booze. Her parents didn't want her to work
because it would interfere with her studies. She got fucked up so much on booze
and drugs that she ended up dropping out of college and then they bought her a
flat to live in.

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[]biddily 574 points 10 hours ago

My grandmother gives $100 a month to every grandchild in college with the


caveat that it's "fun money" and not to be used for bills. I still worked through
college, and I'm still paying off the loans, but that money was spectacular. It
meant I could have pizza or go to the movies once in a while and not completely
live off of ramen.

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[]MakeshiftBrowncoat 1800 points 16 hours ago*

I've worked at a private school in the UK this past year, and I have a few
examples of kids just having no idea they were spoiled, which just made it worse.
-16yr old comes into school on Monday complaining how unfair it was that his dad
grounded him for crashing their plane. I asked him how bad it was, and he said 'it
was only 40,000 worth of damage, which his dad can afford so what's the
problem'. My jaw dropped.
-Another 16yr old asks me what I'm doing for the summer break. I tell him
working mainly, with perhaps a weekend to visits a few friends. He COULD NOT
wrap his head around why I wasn't travelling, going on holiday etc, then followed
to go on about how he'd spend his summer at his private lake.
Saving the best one for last folks.
-On his birthday, one of the 18yr old students received a chain of hotels. A fully
operating 5* chain that would all be officially owned under his name. The nerve of
this kid to complain it wasn't what he wanted made me really resent working
there for a while.
Edit: To those doubting the truthfulness of these statements, this was the only 3
outlandish moments I had over the year so out of 800 kids, it's a small
percentage.

And to clarify, the 18yr old with the hotel was not expected to run it, he simply
would get the owners share of the profits from then on.

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[]DontUseThisAcct 1334 points 13 hours ago

You missed an opportunity. Should have had him sign it over to you for $1. Tell
him it would teach his parents a lesson. He'd probably do it.

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[]cokelemon 337 points 13 hours ago

That's brilliant
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[]BrownBirdDiaries 193 points 12 hours ago

Dude, either become a lawyer or write screenplays.


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[]Fiddlesticks2468 1743 points 23 hours ago

if my cat was considered a a person, then it would be it

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[]Chaosncalculation 841 points 21 hours ago

hey its me ur cat

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[]Photon_butterfly 1618 points 19 hours ago

My brother. He has this notion that because he's adopted our parents "owe him"
forever. He treats them like garbage and they do all they can to help him and his
son. He's a 27 year old man child and I can't stand him.

And in case anyone's curious, I'm adopted too though we're not related by blood.
I love my parents and just see them as normal parents.

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[]yellowvitt 632 points 15 hours ago

That's really sad, they adopted him into a family and gave him love and he pays
them back by saying that they 'owe him' ???
He would not have survived the system...

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[]Photon_butterfly 335 points 13 hours ago

We were both adopted as infants and the adoptions were settled before we were
born. We were never in the system. Not really
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[]lvl_100_metapod 1427 points 21 hours ago*

My buddy doesn't pay for anything in his adult life and acts bewildered if anyone
suggests he is spoiled. He has actually told me "I'm not as spoiled as you think"
after not being able to name a single thing in his life he pays for besides weed
Edit: will tell more for up votes. They make me feel alive

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[]MaievSekashi 348 points 20 hours ago

Vaguely related, but I got a lot of "Wow your parents spoil you, paying for
everything" when I was a younger when I said I didn't carry money because my
parents covered everything.
My parents literally don't believe children are allowed to own anything until they
have children of their own, and that parents own their children and everything
their children obtain until then. It's some weird neo-fascist shit. Pretty much
everything I own I want to keep I stash with a friend or in a hidden nook. Can't
even get a job until I can finally bloody leave because I know they'll try to steal
the money.

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[]queenofthera 348 points 20 hours ago

Well he keeps up with his weed payments. God, you're so judgemental!

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[]stephc02 150 points 20 hours ago

I know a guy like this as well. The weird part is, it's not even just always his
parents buying him things, a lot of the times its his friends as well. He'll mention
something new he wants and a friend will buy it for him. He's explained it as
"they make more money than me so I don't feel bad about it, they should spoil
their friends."

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[]fierce_princess 1200 points 20 hours ago

A girl I have known most of my life. Her parents treat her like she is the queen of
England or something. Growing up, if there was a new toy out that she wanted,
her parents bought her 5 (and if possible, in each color) because she would break
her toys.
She had 2-3 bedrooms. One was big enough to be a studio apartment alone.
Where did she sleep? Her parent's bedroom.
If she wanted to go somewhere, like Disney World, her parents dropped
everything to start planning that vacation.
When she started driving, she had 3 new cars in 8 months. Not because she
crashed them or they broke down, but because she just had to have the newest
model. I think she is on her 15th car now.
Never has had a job. Her parents pay for her and now her son.
In school, she had a "tutor." I say it in quotes because the tutor just did her
homework for her. I'm surprised she can even read and write, honestly. Although,
reading her Facebook statuses shows me she can't write much better than my 9
year old.
The worst part was... if she didn't like someone, she had her parents do their best
to try to ruin that person's life. She got her 7th grade teacher fired, claiming he
was being inappropriate with her. He wasn't, he never was in a room with her
alone. He was a kind, old man, but he didn't put up with her not doing her
homework. He failed her in a few subjects. He was never charged or arrested or
anything, no legal trouble from it, but the school did force him into retirement
because they were scared.

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[]gimpwiz 810 points 14 hours ago

Just gotta point out that the Queen of England repaired and drove trucks during
WW2.

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[]strp 257 points 16 hours ago

Holy shit. That's diabolical.

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[]SRGFernandez 1066 points 21 hours ago

My cousin who's 8 years old.


My aunt is to blame for his spoiledness though.
He cannot except no for an answer. For example, Everytime he goes to the store
with my aunt he gets a toy or a game. And if he goes with me or my
grandparents or other aunt and we tell him, "No you're not getting a toy/game
we're just here to pick some groceries" and the boy throws the biggest tantrums.
It's so embarrassing.
Also because of this he always has to win whenever we play a game. Now not
that I try to win all the time but when I play a video game or board game I play it
usually with his twin sister who is a bit of a drama queen but is really mellow
compared to him. We were playing this star wars millennium falcon game and his
sister had won and he said "no I win" and proceeded to knock over all hers and
my pieces to which I scolded him telling him that wasn't nice since he had upset
his sister and I told him to apologize to which he did but still. I've heard from his
sister that his friends at school don't really like to play sports or games with him
because if that.
I feel bad for him to be honest, my aunt kinda screwed him up I feel by giving in
to every demand he wanted his whole life and am worried how badly it'll affect
him as he gets older.

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[]balticromancemyass 581 points 19 hours ago

I feel bad for kids like that too, as annoying as they can be. I know three guys
that we're spoiled as children. One of them ended up in a psychiatric hospital for
a bit. I went and visited him there two years ago. It's a fucking trip to visit your
friend in a nut house... Another friend is now 34, living in a flat that his mother
bought him. His mother also bought the flat upstairs, so that she can stay close
to him and keep an eye on him. When she goes travelling, she buys dozens of
frozen ready meals and puts them in his fridge, because she's worried he won't
eat and she knows that if she gives him money, he'll use all of it on drugs. He has
a very high IQ and got very good grades in school, even though he never did

homework and always smoked weed, but he's never finished any higher
education. Such a shame. I used to look up to him and be impressed with his
arguments in discussions, but now he just sounds immature and inexperienced.
Breaks my heart. The last friend managed to break the cycle. He also started
fucking up in his teenage years, started doing a lot of drugs, performed poorly in
school, had his well-off parents subsidize his lifestyle etc. Eventually, he crashed
hard and had a massive nervous breakdown and almost committed suicide, but I
and his family got him straightened out. He now lives abroad, makes very good
money, has a great job, a beautiful and sweet wife and a small daughter and he is
so chill that he doesn't even mind me smoking weed in front of him. I'm so proud
of him. I actually told him that last night on the phone. Anyway, the point is that
being a spoiled child can definitely translate into having some monumental
problems as an adult. People who were never told "NO!" often have a hard time
pacing themselves around drugs, for example.

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[]stars1029 962 points 22 hours ago

My friends roommate and childhood best friend. She moved to New York after
living with her family and working retail after graduating high school, and
according to my friend, was handed everything to her you can imagine. If she
wanted shampoo, she had her parents leave immediately and get it for her. She
literally doesnt know how to contribute to a household. Her parents got takeout
and junk food and ready meals so often that she legitimately didnt know what
olive oil was used for. She's moving back home with them and all I can say is
good riddance, she's too stupid to be breathing in precious oxygen.

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[]Aniquin 553 points 20 hours ago*

That's the kind of person that makes me feel bad for trees and phytoplankton.
They work so hard to make oxygen and she just wastes it.

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[]Holla_Poop_Dolla 212 points 19 hours ago

Trees don't produce that much oxygen, phytoplankton are the ones responsible
for the most part.
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[]OfficePsycho 632 points 20 hours ago

Let me tell you about a fellow I've known for almost 30 years, who has yet to
grow up. We'll call him "Bullshit" for reasons I'll explain later.
Bullshit has a very wealthy family, courtesy of his dad's government work. For
some reason his parents fell in love with the small town I'm from, and moved the
family from the big city to our flyspeck town. When they first moved they had
Bullshit and his brother in a private school, but eventually moved him to public
school. I was introduced to him by a mutual friend, and he ended up in a lot of
my classes, and we bonded together over being comic book and RPG fans.
Bullshit's parents were incredibly free with their money toward their sons. There
were literally entire rooms of their house devoted to everything the kids bought.
In high school I worked out Bullshit was getting around $500 a month to buy
comics with, and the same again to buy video games.
After high school his parents pay for the entirety of his college education. During
his four years of college he has a job for one day, which his father got him. He
nopes out after one day, complaining that he had to work with people that
smoked. They didn't smoke around him, but he could smell it on their clothes,
and that was unacceptable.
After college he moves back to the area, his boyfriend in tow. His family supports
both of them in an apartment for several months, before he finally lands his job. I
don't know whether his father helped him get the job, but the fact that he
bragged for the first year about sleeping at his desk regularly makes me suspect
he helped him find employment.
Then things change. His brother, who was always the favored son, gets elevated
even further in their parents' eyes. They give him a house, among other things,
and the gravy train Bullshit has had begins to dry up. This is when Bullshit gets
the name Bullshit.
You see, in Bullshit's mind, since his parents are no longer subsidizing his life, it's
up to the rest of the world to bend over backwards for him.
You're out to eat with him and you have leftovers? You should give them all to
him.
You got a computer game or e-format book he wants? You should make him a
copy.
You're playing a role playing game? You should memorize exactly how his
character works and tell him what he can do each round if he forgets about it, on
top of you playing your character or running the game.
You have family emergency and can't make it to an event he's at? You should
ignore your flesh and blood and come out with him.
For more years than I can remember anytime anyone refused one of his selfserving demands he would get enraged, sometimes to the point of throwing
things, sometimes to the point of leaving. Without fail he would shout
"BULLSHIT!" at the top of his lungs every time, at a decibel level you would never
expect from a man his size.
Eventually we all got tired of his behavior, and one night as he began a tantrum
everyone present shouted "BULLSHIT!" at him in perfect unison, even mimicking
the gestures he always made. There was no preplanning; we just all got tired of
his behavior and snapped on him simultaneously. He mellowed after that.
I cut him out of my life for several years, for reasons related to his boyfriend.
He's been reappearing in my circle of friends for the last year, though he
frequently ghosts on them. I understand he's out with his parents whenever he

does this, and I suspect he's hoping to become the favorite son again and have
his gravy train restored.

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[]Tentacle_Molester 577 points 20 hours ago*

I knew one girl in highschool who was one of the many rich kids. She asked her
dad to buy her a new Mercedes for her birthday, and of course he did. But it
wasn't the colour she asked for, so she refused to go to school or talk to him until
he got her the right coloured one.
Edit: another spoiled one is my old neighbour who was a drug addict and
alcoholic. Her dad also happened to be an owner of a large company in our city.
So her dad bought her a house (worth about 300k). She let her dogs shit and
piss all over and completely ruined the flooring. Her dad also bought her a nice
car (BMW I think) and she crashed it. So he bought her a new one (because who
would get it repaired right?) And she got drunk and crashed it too. He bought her
one final one, but she crashed that one too. Then he kicked her out of the house
since he kept it in his name, not his daughter's. She also lost her kids in a
custody battle.
Edit 2: Damn, my shitty neighbour got me 400 karma! I should write about her
sorry ass more often!

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[]Keep-reefer-illegal 233 points 20 hours ago

You can paint a car.

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[]UnidentifiedFlop 459 points 21 hours ago

My girlfriends former best friend. She was a single child, her parents have a lot of
money, and they have bought her multiple cars. She has gotten into countless car
collisions where she was at fault. Her parents paid for her traffic school courses.
She doesnt pay rent,despite working a job that pays 60K. The list is endless. I
really wouldn't care if she didn't look down on literally everyone else that has to
actually work for what they have. She also used her looks to get a promotion at a
previous job that we both worked at in high school. The list can basically go on
forever.

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[]Mec26 390 points 20 hours ago

My half-brother (genetically). His mother was so proud that she raised him, birth
to teens, without ever chastising him or punishing him. His adoptive father was
meek enough to go alone with his wife's "parenting."
Half-bro never had time out, or talks about what he had done, etc. Not once in
his household. Oh, he was a douche. I was made to play with him because we
were kinda the same age, and I tried to get out of it constantly.
He was a terror at school from day one.
Even in high school, he hadn't had enough discipline in school to make up for lost
time, and did stuff like shoot sharp pencils and bits of glass at other students.
Funny story: once he missed so badly that he shot himself in the eyeball. I
laughed more than I should have at that. I think his teacher did too, before
calling in a medical thing.

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[]highsilhouette 392 points 21 hours ago*

A friend of mine and her friends I'll include a few examples off the top of my
head:

she was talking with her mother once on how she needed to bring $1,300 to
go to a birthday party
she goes to Disneyland quite regularly (tickets are quite expensive where I
am), and brings several hundred dollars for expenses on the day
she regularly buys luxury handbags (her collection's in the 40s and she calls
the 3-5k dollar bags 'the cheap ones') and
she has to have a different one for every time she hangs out with one of her
group of friends.
from what she says, a friend of hers (let's call her Courtney) check that it's
a different bag, and she can feel whether it's real leather. If it's not a new
expensive ass handbag, then she spills certain confessions you told her.
Courtney once killed a cat by shoving it down a sewer pipe or some shit like
that because it was 'annoying her'.
Courtney also stole money from a beggar and then burned it.
^ "You can get nothing with $10, might as well burn it."
She's thrown eggs at people who are part of the groups listed below:
"I fucking hate fat, nonwhite, part of LGBT, poor, nerds, gamers, people with
glasses, and anyone suffering a midlife crisis."
they take trips overseas along with their friend group every few months
because they feel like it
my friend, last i heard, has to lie to Courtney about where she lives as it's
not a rich neighbourhood (and by rich, i mean that the houses are tens of
millions of USD, minimum)

that's all i remember. my friend told me all this a few months ago, so i'm sure
some details have slipped out.
more examples (on Courtney, not my friend), now that my mind is clearer:

She's bullied LGBT+ friends to suicidal thoughts and brags about it


^ "As you see, I have power over people."
She tried to poison her brother for cash
$1000 shoes? Cheap. One could afford better.

Takes the food of people poorer than she is

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[]DialgaMatthews 164 points 20 hours ago

Jesus, what a piece of trash human being.

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[]mariescurie 362 points 18 hours ago*

During one of my substitute teaching assignments, I had the joy of meeting the
most spoiled teenage I had ever encountered before or since. Conrad was spoiled
in a way only children of two rich divorced parents can be. Conrad was an only
child whose parents used material goods and money to buy his affection.
On the first day of this particular sub-job, Conrad informed me he didn't have to
do his work, he would just get his father to pay the teacher "a shitload of money"
and he would get an A. I stated I didn't care what he did as long as he did not
disturb his classmates and wrote his comments in my sub notes. He was placated
for the day and dinked around on his cell phone until the period ended.
The second day really showed Conrad's true colors. The class was supposed to do
group work and he was "working" with a group of his friends. He spent the work
time continuously talking about how much he hated his mom because she bought
him a used 2013 Ford Focus for his 16th birthday, instead of a brand-new BMW
that he wanted. I made a comment that I would love if my parent gifted me a
fairly new used vehicle, to which he commented, "Of course you would. You're a
teacher and poor." I told him to get back to work and if I caught him off-task
again, he would need to work alone. He was fine after that.
The third and final day of my assignment, Conrad was in an absolute tizzy about
something his mother had done. Probably the BMW thing. Idk or care. What I did
care about was that he kept commenting on how he was going to sabotage his
mother's plane so "that bitch would fall out of the sky and die." I told him to rein
in those comments as they were not appropriate for school and could get him in
serious trouble. I left him with his group to continue work from the previous day.
Approxmately five minutes later, I hear nervous laughter coming from Conrad's
group. He has his phone out and is showing the group something on it. I walked
over and asked to see what was causing such a fuss. Conrad (the idiot) showed
me his Snapchat story which consisted of a picture he took of his mother with an
emoji gun pointed at her head and the text "Imma shoot dis bitch." I got to send
him to the office, talk to the school social worker and the school resource officer.
All because this kid didn't get a BMW and his parents couldn't be arsed to show
him some actual love and affection for his entire life.
TLDR: Kid didn't get a BMW and threatened to kill his "bitch" mother
repeatedly.

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[]Pregnantwhale 341 points 18 hours ago

I'll volunteer someone I know. However I think she deserves it. She was a teen
Mom, got married at 17, husband cheated she divorced him and he took off. A
month after her divorce she meets a man, he seems nice but she was not into
him. She tried to ditch this guy after a couple unsuccessful forced dates. He
instead would show up at her house and cry to her Mom. Cue holiday season, her
Mom invites older creep then screams at her to go to his families Christmas
because he told everyone she was going. She not being able to make decisions on
her own since her Mother was very forceful went. She got drunk that night
because her Mother locked her out of the house, so she had to stay at his. He
forced her into sex. She got pregnant.
She told her Mom when she found out she was pregnant she couldn't keep this
child. She thought her Mom would understand she can't have another child with
out being prepared. She tried everything. Including booking an abortion and was
going to move out of her Mothers. The creepy old fuck told her Mom her plan.
She ended up being forced to have the baby. The Man was allowed to spend
nights, no matter what she did. Begging and crying, her Mother didn't care.
Called her a whore and a bitch. Eventually she had enough, and was able to get
her old job back and move out. He would park in front of her house. He would not
leave her alone. Her Mother eventually broke her down, she agreed to marry the
guy, she lost her job. She was going to lose her house, her kids.
Her Mother threatened her with everything under the sun. Her Mother told her no
man would ever look at her and she would be alone raising two kids as trash. She
was told two kids from two different Dads labeled you a complete slut. She
married the man. 17 years older than her. She gave up, and gave in. Her wedding
night he sat on her and back handed her for not wanting to have sex with him.
The day after she married him, something snapped in her. Her Mother tried to
exercise her power of her but it didn't work. She told both it wasn't going to
happen. She gained the strength to leave him and her Mother. She knew a lawyer
who was able to get spousal and child support. She met a man. He was good to
her. Helped her move out. She left everything she owned with her newly ex
husband.
She went to counselling and realized all the damage the old creep and her Mother
had done. She got help. She kept the man who helped her around. He didn't get
involved with the kids and he kept his distance for three years. They somewhat
dated and realized they loved each other very much. However it just wasn't
working for them. He was a bit selfish and she knew she had to let him go. She
knew he was a great support but he didn't fully respect her at times. This man
went away to work for months one year and she left him 3/4's of the way through
when he was about to return back. He came back with a vengeance.
He sent 10 bouquets of flowers, a diamond bracelet. Wrote several cards. Showed
up crying on her door step. Begging for a chance to be the man she deserved.
Admitting his wrong. They talked it out. They tried it out. It worked. He was
dedicated and loyal. Caring and gave so much attention to her and her kids. He
proposed to her in a castle in the mountains with over a carat diamond ring. She
said yes. They found out she was pregnant. He was excited. They bought a
house. Moved in together. Planned their wedding. He let her choose the house. He
bought her a brand new car. He gave her a credit card she racks up and he pays
off monthly. He treats her like a queen. Expensive purses, beautiful jewelry. He
buys her everything. She doesn't ever want any of it, but he wants to spoil her

and brings it back for her when he comes home from work over seas. She doesn't
have to work ever again or even get a college education. She is pregnant with his
second child. This is her fourth child. He's ecstatic. She's ecstatic. She is spoiled
rotten. They're looking into getting a live in nanny.... however she deserves it.

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[]poppycocklovegood 327 points 17 hours ago

Hope I'm not too late. Let me tell you about 'Rebecca'
Single mom who is a lawyer for a big phone company. Rebecca is the youngest
child with a large gap, so she's basically an only child. Here are a few things that
happened in the year we were friends: (Sorry if formatting is weird; on mobile)
Mom would always buy her Cadillacs and she would wreck them within 6-8
months.
Has worked at two different locations of the chain restaurant we worked at
together. Has been fired from one twice and the other (where we met) four times.
(For reason below)
Shows up to work 2-3 hours late and is never in uniform so she spends an hour in
the restroom getting ready. This happened more frequently than her actually
showing up on time.
Only reason she even worked to begin with was her mom wouldn't pay for her
boob job. She did earn enough to get them and they are not very good.
After she's been fired once, she'll wait until there are new managers at the store,
(high turnover rate) apply and be hired again.
Rebecca is in college getting her undergrad. She's currently 24, but cannot pass
most of her undergrad classes. She has stated multiple times to multiple people
that she expects the university she attends to pay for her DOCTORATE degree
that she will complete by the time she is 26. A doctorate degree in two years
without being able to pass undergrad classes? Okay.
Emailed the same university (literally emailed [university]@emailaddress) to
request them to buy a multi million dollar mansion for her so she can start an
orphanage. She sent links of said mansion with the email.
When she didn't get any results from the university she email Harvard wanting to
apply. She posted the email on SnapChat and the first line read something like, "I
know I don't have the best grades but I would be a great addition to the
community!" Harvard has not responded.
Her mom bought her a very large house in a nice neighborhood so she could get
away from her "controlling" boyfriend. He asked her to get a job to pay her part
of the bills so she begged her mom to buy her this house.
The last I've heard of her is she ran her car into the boyfriend's house and then
texted him saying, "hope you like the new decor, kiss my rich ass." He has a
restraining order against her and the detective he hired said they could, "bury her
rich ass."

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[]Holty12345 255 points 21 hours ago*

Probably myself.
Of everyone I really know, I'm the only only child. Didn't grow up rich by any
means, single parent (Dad never around nor provided any money) working class
household (Nan also lived with us, but she came to live with us). But I had a lot
of toys and games growing up, think my mum didn't really get much for herself or
the flat. If I wanted something, there was a good chance I'd get it (within
reason).

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[]Literal_Genius 203 points 21 hours ago*

My coworker. When I complimented her ring, which features a mid-sized emerald


stone, she said, "Thanks, my dad bought it for me for my 16th birthday."
I said, "Wow, 16?"
She said, "Yea, it's no big deal. My dad has a jeweler he really likes." Likes it's
totally normal for a father to buy several precious stones as jewelry for his
teenaged daughter.
Also, she's a horse girl so...
EDIT: Sure, emeralds aren't that expensive, but the fact that she thinks
everyone's dad has "a gem guy" is what I was referring to.

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[]huntfishcamp 219 points 21 hours ago

I know what you mean by "horse girl," but I instantly pictured a bitchy centaur,
prancing around bedecked with emeralds.
My mind is a weird place.

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[]Literal_Genius 167 points 21 hours ago

My favorite horse girl quote:


"When you date a horse girl, you'll always come third... After the horse, and
daddy's money."
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[]Raisinette-skittles 167 points 21 hours ago

My friend; she gets whatever she wants whether it be tickets to expensive foreign
concerts, albums/photobooks of music artists, a new car when she totaled her
first one(I was in the car when it happened and she ran a red light like a freaking
idiot) and she never does anything around the house. I was talking with her and
her parents were amazed by the fact that I actually do chores around my
house :/

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[]PM_STEAM_CODES_PLS 162 points 18 hours ago

This whole thread just makes me angry, why am I even here?

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discussions in /r/AskReddit
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4788 points 7202 comments

Who is the most spoiled person you know and why?


3302

...and 41 more

Guys of Reddit, what's the most obvious 'hint' from a girl you've
missed? (self.AskReddit)
submitted 20 hours ago by Huomenna

4360 comments

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[]adamrocks84 4412 points 20 hours ago

Was watching a movie together on a couch and she went to lay her head on my
lap. I got up to get her a pillow and blanket and set her up on the other end of
the couch.
In my defense it was the first time watching The Matrix.

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[]donaldpump69 2753 points 20 hours ago

The first time watching the matrix is better than some sex

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[]illonlyusethisonceok 1428 points 18 hours ago

I've never seen The Matrix. Now I'm probably going to have unrealistic
expectations of it thanks to you.
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[]shittoast 955 points 17 hours ago

Don't watch it with a girl that wats to fuck you before it's over

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[]shinshanjr 1997 points 16 hours ago

That shouldn't be a problem.

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[]TheLawandOrder 156 points 18 hours ago

Watch the first one but not the sequels

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[]tomatoaway 1603 points 20 hours ago

In my defense it was the first time watching The Matrix.


Dude, fair play.
In retrospect I think she must have understood

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[]hatwearingshark 272 points 13 hours ago

"Is this your first time watching this?"


"Yeah"
"Oh"
*loses interest*
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[]misko91 624 points 18 hours ago*

Mine is like a cross between yours and /u/PM_ME_XBOX_MONEYCODE 's.


(TL;DR: I don't realize a girl coming over and sitting in my lap (and on my
erection) might have a thing for me, and I very nearly miss my chance.)
I was with a group of friends in college. My group of friends was doing an Avatar:
TLA marathon over several weeks (it's a cool series yo). We were taking a pause
between episodes to grab snacks (EDIT: snacks not snakes), so I announce that
I'm going to grab water and I'll fight anyone who takes my chair (it was an
attempt at a joke, but I did like that chair).
I come back and a girl is sitting in my chair. She says "fight me". Now I get really
worried at this point because I don't actually intend to fight someone over my

chair, but I did want to try and contest it (if only because it was funny). I try to
play it cool, manage to argue in a joking-enough way (I was worried about people
thinking I got angry over nothing, so this was important), and she does
eventually get up. I take my place in my chair, and then right before the show
started back up again the girl (the same from before) comes over and sits in my
lap. She says "You don't mind, do you?" I'm like "no, sure".
So we are watching the episode, she's sitting in my lap, I'm trying very hard to
avoid getting erect, failing, and then trying to adjust myself subtly in my seat so
that she doesn't notice. This goes on for maybe an hour? A little longer? I don't
remember exactly.
Finally, she gets up and says (out loud, but also to me) that she (and some of her
friends) have to go to a party. They leave. It then occurs to me that I also have to
go to this party (it's a mixer our RA set up to get to know each other in our dorm,
and its mandatory). So I leave too. I go there, she notices me and starts talking
to me again.
It's only when I notice her talking to her friends and asking for advice on what to
say (followed immediately by walking over to me and asking exactly what her
friend advised her to ask) that I realize what's going on.
I follow her around for the rest of the mixer, play Cards Against Humanity with
her and a few people from my dorm, we walk back, she brings me to my door,
she starts to ask a question by can't seem to get it out ("You know that thing
where you are supposed to say something before you..."). Eventually, she asks
straight up "Can I kiss you?". I say sure! She grabs me and just starts making out
with me (This is my first kiss, and I was expecting something, tamer; meanwhile
she was shoving her tongue in my mouth). I pull away, she apologizes for being
rough. I tell her it's cool. I go into my dorm.
We started going out and we were together for about nine months. That was my
first relationship (and, relatedly, the first time a girl ever asked me out!) Things I
later discovered from her:

She was in general surprised I never picked up on anything and at times


thought I wasn't interested.
She did, in fact, notice my erection when she was sitting in my lap, and
quite early on too..
She was intending to sleep with me that very night, even after our awkward
kiss, and so she was surprised when I waved her off saying "Good night!".
Score another one for being blind, I guess.
Much later in our relationship, I found out from her that apparently girls
check me out fairly regularly and I never notice. (This dumbfounded me).
Insanely curious, I asked her "when?", "who?" and most importantly "How
can you tell?". The answers were "fairly often, usually when we were walking
together", "people she doesn't know the names of", and "you can just see
their faces and how they look at you (me) and you can tell." Now I'm single,
still can't tell. rip.
Apparently she also found out (i.e. someone told her) that I was known to
have a crush on a girl from that group of friends (the ones I was with when
we were watching Avatar). I'd never made a move or said anything that I
thought was flirty or giving hints, so this was absolutely news to me.
Apparently not only can I not tell, but other people can tell about me even when I
think I'm being quiet about it.

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[]PeacockPanzer 136 points 18 hours ago

Drinking snakes is not a good idea.


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[]VoDomino 3780 points 20 hours ago*

Went to a party, was hitting it off with a girl I knew through some social circles.
She was cute and a ton of fun, but I had to take off after a few hours.
The party was in a friends apartment in the same building I lived in at the time.
She was following me out, saying she needed to leave as well. We both called the
elevator, and just kept small talk/flirting going on in the elevator.
I got to my floor, and she said that she thinks she forgot her jacket at my
apartment. At this point I didn't catch what was going on, so I told her that she's
never been to my apartment.
I only realized what the hell was going on after the elevator doors closed.
...
EDIT 1: Wow, this blew up a lot more than I expected it to. And it came from the
time when I cockblocked myself..
And to those that are asking,
relationships or social cues. I
around a lot so I never really
which still makes dating a bit

yes, I'm a bit clueless when it comes to any sort of


try to make an effort, but growing up, I moved
picked up seeing social cues until I hit college,
messy in my life. Yay.

EDIT 2: Oh wow, gold?! Thank you kind stranger! First gold ever and it came
from me sharing the story on how I derailed my own dick... Still awesome though
:)

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[]sandwhale- 2580 points 16 hours ago

That hurt to read.

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[]VoDomino 2939 points 16 hours ago*

sorry, I'm not a very good writer :(


EDIT: and I missed it again. I'm starting to see a pattern here...
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[]otherwiser 1551 points 16 hours ago

Writing's fine, it's the content man.

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[]E06SP 983 points 13 hours ago

You missed it again...

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[]Genghis_Maybe 775 points 13 hours ago

This guy is amazing

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[]GoodGuyGoodGuy 752 points 13 hours ago*

Wow. You literally cannot read any signals at all...


You're like Draxx

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[]Pidgeapodge 360 points 13 hours ago

To be honest, your navet is adorable

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[]BeardsuptheWazoo 790 points 16 hours ago

Yeah, you could have caught on. But WHY do women have to be so fucking 'coy'
about these things? It's already a forward ballsy move, why not say 'can I come
up to your place?' instead of making up a pretend reason to come up?
I'm obviously not a woman.

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[]JesusGAwasOnCD 743 points 15 hours ago

I'm obviously not a woman.


there's your reason
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[]biodude87 365 points 12 hours ago

It's called 'not wanting to be a slut' syndrome. It's pretty real.

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[]LeodFitz 3298 points 20 hours ago

I had a girl ask me once if I wanted to sleep with her. It was nearly a year later
that it occurred to me that she might have been serious.

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[]Dyssemiamoeba 1991 points 19 hours ago

Asked a girl wether she wanted to be my girlfriend. "Yes" she laughed. Took me 3
years to realize she thought it was a joke and played along.

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[]Reety 1530 points 19 hours ago

Wait, she pretended to be your girlfriend for three years for a joke? Man, that's
rough.
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[]SteelMemes1 583 points 17 hours ago

This is my life, right here

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[]dunksoverjumpshots21 192 points 15 hours ago

That's rough buddy.

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[]whatIsThisBullCrap 1291 points 16 hours ago

Honestly, girls being forward is even more confusing than girls giving hints. I've
had a conversation like this more times than I would like to admit (two. I've had
it two times)
Me: I'm bored, what do you wanna do?
Her: we could have sex
Me: haha very funny. Grand theft auto?

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[]countryside_epiphany 876 points 15 hours ago

I think what you need is confidence


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[]whatIsThisBullCrap 534 points 15 hours ago

Where can I get some

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[]hercule2015 590 points 14 hours ago

Remember that time when the girl asked if you wanted to have sex? Channel that

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[]Poem_for_a_PM 3285 points 20 hours ago*

G: im so cold
Me : make some hot milk

G :what will you do if you were here ?


Me : make you some hot milk
G :what if you and me are alone
Me : make two cups of hot milk
I got dummped the second day so i cried and made hot milk

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[]ThouArtMortal 1837 points 19 hours ago

At least you were consistent. Stuck to your guns about the hot milk.

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[]iamthehomunculus 806 points 18 hours ago

I thought I was having a stroke reading this

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[]Poem_for_a_PM 543 points 18 hours ago

Drink some hot milk , it helps with strokes


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[]Ghost_Rade 160 points 16 hours ago

What if you were with him though?

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[]BreachingManta 3114 points 20 hours ago

We were at my house studying for an organic chemistry exam. Both of us were


sitting close at the table with my laptop in front. I was talking her through the
mechanisms and such, and she would lean on me and lay her head on my
shoulder. As I kept going, she wrapped her arms on mine as I kept blabbering on.
I thought I was massively friend-zoned, which is why I didn't think much of it.
We took a break to watch a movie and she suggested we spooned on the couch.
"I'm so friend-zoned that she's comfortable spooning with me" I thought to

myself. She probably grew impatient that I wasn't picking up the signs, so out of
nowhere, she does a 180 and starts making out with me. Been together for 2
years now.

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[]spaghettiThunderbolt 2243 points 14 hours ago

"Man, I'm so deep in the friendzone she's making out with me."

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[]IblewupTARIS 1338 points 10 hours ago

"OH GREAT! IM SO DEEP IN THE FRIEND ZONE THAT SHE'S PRACTICING HER
BLOW JOBS ON ME! WHERE DOES IT END?!?"
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[]TheGuyWhoSaidWAT 960 points 10 hours ago

FANTASTIC! NOW WE HAVE A CHILD TOGETHER. WOMEN


JUST LOVE TO TORTURE MEN EMOTIONALLY.

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[]cokekillspepsi 295 points 9 hours ago

50th wedding anniversary. All the kids and grand kids are here. My friends and
their wives. I'm just one big laughing stock aren't I?

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[]alien97 1432 points 16 hours ago

Last bit happened to me, led in my bed trying to sleep, She said "your not getting
the hints are you?" turned around and kissed me, bare in mind she had sent me a
text saying "I fancy you" and I thought someone had stole her phone.
I am not a smart man

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[]thesunscreen 751 points 15 hours ago

Yes but you made Jenny happy at the end, and little Forest is very smart, one of
the smartest in his class.
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[]SteelMemes1 356 points 16 hours ago

High five, bro.

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[]MyUsernameIs20Digits 202 points 15 hours ago

A 2-year friendzone eh? Maybe you should ask her out.

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[]lordusan 2906 points 17 hours ago*

Looked me straight in the eyes and said "I want you inside me."
I thought it was a fresh meme I hadn't heard yet.
Edit: my most up voted post is about too much Redditing

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[]Womcataclysm 1420 points 16 hours ago*

#DicksInsideMeForHarambe

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[]ALittleFishNamedOzil 238 points 16 hours ago

will do ( )
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[]Womcataclysm 392 points 15 hours ago

I'm a guy, but it's not gay if it's for Harambe right

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[]killingjoke96 180 points 16 hours ago

*Spicy meme

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[]allaboutsubways 2899 points 20 hours ago

We took anatomy and biology in college. We used to study together. I mentioned


that I had an inguinal hernia that I was having surgery on in a few weeks.
She asked to see. I explained that it was right down beside my scrotum. She said
she didn't care, and was curious to see what it looked/felt like.
I undid my pants and pulled my underwear aside enough that she could see. She
reached in and cupped my balls and had me cough so she could feel the effect.
She palpated around my junk feeling the hernia.
The whole time I was concentrating very hard on other things, I assumed this
was a "professional" curiosity.
Okay, you're thinking. She could've just been a curious, and wanted nothing
more.
Then she asked if it got better or worse during a BJ. I replied that I hadn't been
lucky enough to have my condition and a girlfriend simultaneously.
She replied that I didn't need a girlfriend, just the right girl, all while gently
cupping my scrotum.
I looked at her, buttoned up, and said something about wishing I could find that
person.
Turns out she blew nearly every willing guy in the class, and a few of them ended
up with an STI. So as dumb as I was, I dodged a bullet.

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[]N0T2epic 2255 points 18 hours ago

I was severely frustrated reading this up until the last two sentences.

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[]SteelMemes1 1353 points 17 hours ago

She reached in and cupped my balls


Atta boy, now go for it
I looked at her, buttoned up, and said something about wishing I could find that
person
YOU FUCKING RETARD
Turns out she blew nearly every willing guy in the class, and a few of them ended
up with an STI
Oh... Thank GOD there's a somewhat legit excuse
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[]Midnight_arpeggio 368 points 18 hours ago

Shit dude. I went from forehead-slapping "How could you miss that!!!?" to, "Holy
shit, thank god you missed that!!!"

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[]ken__adams 268 points 17 hours ago

That's cool. STIs are great cars!

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[]IRQOTWWI 2703 points 20 hours ago*

She had sex with me. You still can't be sure though.

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[]Ronald_Reagan_AMA 1696 points 18 hours ago

Maybe she was Canadian and was just being polite

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[]misko91 906 points 18 hours ago

Yeah you know you can't really be too sure here. I mean the room is dark, and
she can't see you. All I can suggest is keep your wits about you and continue to
look for signs.

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[]beadlejuice44 336 points 16 hours ago

I understand this reference

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[]BennCon 144 points 15 hours ago

I am so happy that someone made a reference i actually get

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[]Sparticus101 168 points 19 hours ago

This guy gets it.

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[]flammablepenguins 2658 points 19 hours ago

She showed me her nipple piercing, by removing her entire shirt and bra.
I said, looks nice.
She said, did you get a close look?
I said, yup they did a good job.
Shirt went back on.

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[]EventHorizon5 1694 points 17 hours ago

Wait, what are you supposed to do in that situation? That sounds super awkward
to me.

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[]bananaBombst3r 1372 points 16 hours ago

Suck on that nipple like your life depends on it?


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[]EventHorizon5 634 points 16 hours ago

You're just supposed to dive in there without saying anything?

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[]bananaBombst3r 201 points 16 hours ago

And bite as hard as you can, women like it rough

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[]EventHorizon5 596 points 16 hours ago

I am no longer accepting your advice.

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[]bananaBombst3r 191 points 16 hours ago

:(

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[]Zed89 621 points 15 hours ago

You flirt back. Tell her you didn't get a close enough look, that you'd love to have
a closer look, or perhaps ask her if she has any other piercings that she'd let you
see? Be creative.
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[]mau5_419 425 points 15 hours ago

"Gee I dunno may-maybe I should umm... taste it? Or..."

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[]echtesteirerin 422 points 15 hours ago

"Can I touch it?"


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[]PM_ME_XBOX_MONEYCODE 2631 points 20 hours ago

A girl (my crush at the time) and I were at my cabin alone for a night and all of
our friends were coming out the next day. When we first arrived she said, "I call
that bed" and I told her, "But that's my bed" she then jokingly said, "Well then I
guess we're sleeping together."
Sure enough, she throws her pillow on my bed and lays down. I then lay down
beside her on my side away from her (I was incredibly awkward and
uncomfortable about the whole thing). I can hear her moving and shuffling and
then I twitch my leg a little bit and touched her leg, she had gotten very close to
me, I immediately apologized and moved closer to the edge of the bed. I felt like
she was just messing with me because she knew I liked her.
About 3 years later she told me she kinda wanted to mess around with me but
thought I didn't want to.
Fuck. Me.
But she didn't

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[]whatIsThisBullCrap 659 points 17 hours ago

Dude.

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[]mapsandcats 537 points 16 hours ago

Stayed overnight at my crush's place and we shared a bed. He had his back to
me and was melting into the wall. I did really think he didn't want to. Now this
makes me wonder...

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[]PM_ME_XBOX_MONEYCODE 350 points 16 hours ago

I wish communication came easier for people like us.


"So... Wanna make out and see what happens from there?"
Related exurb1a video: YouTube
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[]burningsmurf 260 points 16 hours ago

Duude!

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[]Reety 2335 points 20 hours ago

I was 17, and not worldly-wise. Went back to her halls (dorm) fairly late at night.
I was examining her CDs (it was the nineties, this was one of the ways you
assessed if someone was okay) and turned back round to find her sat on her bed
in her underwear.
I said "Oh, sorry, you need to go to bed?", and left.
About two years later I was walking down the street when it finally clicked.

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[]donaldpump69 3518 points 20 hours ago

should have let her CD's nuts

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[]Fender159 520 points 16 hours ago

I love these types of comments that make me giggle silently trying not to burst
out laughing infront of people who would look at me weird if I did.
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[]blue_alien_police 156 points 18 hours ago

Went back to her halls (dorm) fairly late at night.


Was this in college? Or is this like a boarding school type thing? I is confuse.

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[]Reety 161 points 17 hours ago

This was the UK, where we leave school at 16. She was at Art School, so yeah,
picture US style dorms (expect the rooms are 99% singles).
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[]DannyTrejoChestTatoo 2028 points 19 hours ago

I used to flirt with one of the female bartenders at a bar I worked at. It was really
fun and there were so many signs.
The biggest one that I should have obviously taken was when we left work at
about 4am and I tried tickling her. No reaction and then she says:
"I'm only ticklish in one place."
She then began to rub her inner thighs near her lady parts. Basically giving me
permission to go in and "tickle" her.
I laughed and said:
"Oooo now I know how to torture you with tickles. I'll get you next shift."
Drove home. On the way home wow did I realise what just happened. She did not
like the denial and that door was closed forever. :(

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[]burningsmurf 1355 points 16 hours ago

Bro.

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[]ilikemashpotatoes 411 points 13 hours ago

BRO!!!!!!!!
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[]sticky_gooey 272 points 15 hours ago

Whats up with that closed door from girls? They dont like rejection or what? Try
to be a dude for a week and you get along with rejection pretty well

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[]eodigsdgkjw 358 points 14 hours ago

Because girls generally interpret that rejection differently. To you it was just
missed signals or shyness, but from her perspective you just communicated that
you think she's ugly. Especially when it was a move that aggressive and
unambiguous.
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[]eyes_are_grey 1669 points 17 hours ago

I was 22 and working as a cashier at Target. I rang out a VERY beautiful older
woman. The kind of womanr/gonewildstories are written about. I scan her items,
pitch a RedCard, all the usual jazz. After I give her the receipt, I turn around to
restock bags. When I turn back, she hands me the receipt, smiles, and walks
away.
I look at the receipt and she has written her phone number. Immediately, I yell
"Why did you write your phone number?" She comes back, takes the receipt,
crumbles it up and says "If you have to ask, you're not ready." Walks away.
I explained to one of my co-workers, and he hit me.

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[]PhoenixAgent003 1209 points 13 hours ago

If you have to ask, you're not ready.


Savage, but she has a point.

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[]fuckingrad 527 points 14 hours ago

Dude, come on.

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[]ExtremelyQualified 196 points 15 hours ago

I'm so sorry

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[]mysterious_baker 1624 points 20 hours ago

My best friend and I are talking on the phone.


We spend a couple of hours that day talking about stuff that turns us on, and her
various sex toys. One of the things for her is the smell of cooking garlic.
She then tells me she's cooking something with garlic in it. She eats whatever it
is, making yummy noises while we're still on the phone.
She then tells me she's going to get undressed and take a shower. She went out
of her way to tell me she was leaving the front door unlocked.
I said ok, talk to you later, and hung up the phone.

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[]bildpunkt 1094 points 17 hours ago

She was turned on by the smell of cooked garlic? You might have dodged a bullet
there, buddy.

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[]blast4past 1383 points 17 hours ago

Nah. He's got a 100% guarantee that she's not a vampire


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[]Volundarkvioa 551 points 17 hours ago

Yeah but maybe OP is a vampire and dodged a silver bullet. No wait, shit, that's
werewolves. Dodged a wooden stake. There we go.

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[]LinusSpacehead1 203 points 16 hours ago

So she was making steak?

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[]ExtremelyQualified 863 points 15 hours ago

"Ok thanks for the string of clearly unrelated pieces of information bye!"

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[]Juicebochts 182 points 14 hours ago*

This girl I stand next to sometimes always smelled somewhat familiar for some
reason, and I finally figured it out.
She smells like my grandmas homemade pasta. (She cooks it with sugar and
some other herbs thst make it smell sweet and floral) and I didn't figure it out
until I went to my grandma's and she was making noodles and I got instantly
turned on.
It was a really weird discovery
Edit: The "girl that I stand next to sometimes" is my girlfriend, I love you, reddit.

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[]Zolom85 1624 points 17 hours ago

Her: want to share a taxi back to my place?


Me: sure I can drop you off then go home myself.
Woke up in the middle of that night and knew exactly what I'd done.

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[]nudesfromdudes 349 points 11 hours ago*

I imagined that squid ward waking up meme


Edit: well this is the most upvotes I've ever gotten I feel complete

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[]EventHorizon5 1508 points 17 hours ago

High school, 9th grade (aka freshman year). Super hot girl, my friend, and me
are hanging out. We go back to her place because nobody is home. After a little
bit, my friend says he has to go home and leaves. Me and hot girl are sitting on
couch watching some crap on TV. She turns to me and says "wanna see my new

swimsuit?" I thought for sure she meant she was going to go get it, bring it back,
and hold it out to show it to me. That didn't sound interesting to me, so I said "no
thanks." A little while later I left. Realized what happened about 5 years later.
Another time, I'm 22. Playing on a recreational sports team. I would usually drive
this one girl on our team home afterwards. On one of the drives, I mentioned that
my hands were cold (it was winter). She says "when my hands are cold, I usually
put them between my legs... it's always warm down there." I thought about this
for a moment, and concluded that my pants were too thick to meaningfully warm
my hands. "I'll just put on some gloves, I guess." Thought nothing of it for years.
A couple weeks later she tried again with "Do you have a girlfriend?"
"Nope"
"I can help you with that ;)"
She got through to me that time.

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[]surrender_at_20 529 points 16 hours ago

I'd have tested her with "here, warm my hand up." just hold it out and see what
she does with it.

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[]EventHorizon5 216 points 15 hours ago

If I'm ever in that situation again somehow, that's what I'm doing.
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[]_wemmew_ 1421 points 16 hours ago

A girl once said to me "did you know that if people look you a lot in the eyes, it
means that either want to kiss or kill you?" and then she stared me down. I was
very confused about why should wanted to kill me if she had spend so much time
talking with me

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[]sappersin54 460 points 10 hours ago

Bro, you left me hanging. ... Did she kill you?

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[]Toast22A 240 points 9 hours ago

OP is kill
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[]genericguysname 360 points 8 hours ago

"Why would you want to kill me?"


"I don't want to kill you."
"Yea, that's what killers always say."

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[]TommyLindo 1295 points 20 hours ago

A girl talked to me one time.

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[]N0T2epic 572 points 18 hours ago

r/thathappened

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[]SteelMemes1 462 points 16 hours ago

r/listofchickswholikeme

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[]RabbitsRuse 1293 points 20 hours ago

She told me I could share her bed that night. The next morning she had to
explain that she had expected me to make a move but I was clueless. Much fun
was had the second night.

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[]YouHaveMyBlessings 391 points 20 hours ago

How does one get into such situations and not notice?

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[]RabbitsRuse 540 points 19 hours ago

So it was at a party at a beach house. I had gotten there early and claimed a bed
but then some late comers came and piled their stuff on the bed I had chosen. I
was kinda pissed about being kicked from my spot by assholes I didn't even
know. While I was complaining about this to some friends and giving one of the
girls what was later described as "a back rub good enough to work a year and a
half of law school out of her shoulders" she mentioned that she was sleeping in a
queen size bed and I could share it if I wanted. I thought she was being really
nice and hoped it would lead to something but since I had no experience I didn't
know if share a bed meant the same as let's fuck. Considering we've been
together over a year and a half now I guess I did something right
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[]BeardsuptheWazoo 336 points 16 hours ago

Don't worry, guys, he'll make a move soon. Just making sure a year and a half
isn't rushing it for sex.

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[]ALWAYS_TELLING_LIES 1278 points 19 hours ago

My first time in a bar a girl came up to me and said "I shouldn't be drinking, I
could be pregnant."
I asked her "When are you due?"
She responded with "9 months from now, if you come with me."

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[]CaptainNate77 736 points 19 hours ago

Thats a badass line

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[]ALWAYS_TELLING_LIES 685 points 19 hours ago

We fucked, without a condom, and she stopped me from pulling out. So, it's cool
until you find out she means it.
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[]Ronald_Reagan_AMA 398 points 18 hours ago

oh

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[]gunner_jensen 362 points 16 hours ago

It's okay, Mr. President, just look at their username.

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[]Hawkhasaneye 162 points 16 hours ago

Username may check out though, right?

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[]UtMed 1186 points 19 hours ago

A pair of girls came over to our apartment from next door. "Can we borrow a
movie to watch?" We gave them a cool movie to borrow... and I looked at my
room mate. "We should have invited them in to watch it right?" ... "Yes."... "Let's
never tell anyone we were so clueless." You're welcome Reddit.

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[]TheLawandOrder 198 points 18 hours ago

What was the movie though?

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[]UtMed 187 points 17 hours ago

Some 90s Pirate movie with a female lead. I forgot what it was called.
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[]Feldring 415 points 17 hours ago

Cutthroat Island with Geena Davis, maybe. It fits your criteria, at least!

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[]UtMed 141 points 17 hours ago

That's it.

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[]Monsieur_Pounce 1157 points 14 hours ago*

Years ago I was crushing on this girl HARD, for months. She worked for the same
company I did, but in different building, so we rarely had the opportunity to
interact. We'd probably only spoken a couple of times in passing.
Well, a few days before Christmas one year, she comes waltzing up to me
unexpectedly at work, wearing one of those party headbands with a springy
plastic mistletoe bouncing around over her head. Says something like, "Hey,
whats up. Like my hat?"
"Uh...yeah, cute," I say.
"It's mistletoe...," she says, with a big shaky grin. "People have been trying to
kiss me, can you believe it!"
My dumbass responds with. "Yeah. That sound's pretty inappropriate," like I'm
damn Dwight Shrute from The Officeor something.
She says, "Oh, ok" and hightails it out of the building without looking at another
person.
At the time I was a little heartbroken that the girl I thought I liked was the type
to just randomly go around asking coworkers to kiss her, and I resented being
lumped in with them (arrogance). Didn't occur to me until later that I was
probably the only person she approached. Shit, she probably went out and got
the silly hat specifically to set up that scenario with me because it was clear that I
didn't have the balls to make the first move beyond giving her puppy-dog eyes
for half a year. The way she shuffled away was like someone punched in the gut.
Idiot.

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[]CaptainMethBeard 349 points 13 hours ago

I feel bad for both of you in that situation. Damn that's rough.

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[]sdflkj108sdckl 143 points 9 hours ago

I'd have done the exact same thing as you.


Problem is if you read her signals wrong, getting fired wouldn't be the worst thing
that could happen to you. I know a guy that was in almost the same situation
who's now looking for work and doesn't have a reference. Flirt with a co-worker?
Sure, go for it. Kiss a girl under mistletoe at a party? Sure. Kiss a co-worker, at
work, after she says she doesn't like people trying to kiss her? Hell no, not going
there.

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[]Japan_cakes 1031 points 20 hours ago

Watching a movie at her place on her couch..she put her feet in my lap.. I moved
them off because her heels were slowly rubbing my dick and balls and it was
uncomfortable.
I remember her sighing very loudly...

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[]FigFrontflip 353 points 17 hours ago

I dunno, Frank and Beans are very special to me and heels are a bit of a no no.
Frank and Beans have final say in that situation.

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[]DanNoble01 991 points 18 hours ago

Girl asked for my number, told her no because I didn't know what she wanted it
for...

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[]throway65486 604 points 16 hours ago

I understand a lot and am myself clueless but... come on

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[]watchoutyo 509 points 16 hours ago

Telemarketer spies will stop at nothing to get your phone number.

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[]thefubit 841 points 18 hours ago

On two separate occasions, girls have bought me drinks at the bar. And on both
occasions, my dumb brain gets me to say "oh thanks!", Then proceed to take the
drinks and walk off...

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[]theyrerobots 888 points 16 hours ago

Wow thats gotta hurt pretty bad for them, considering girls practicly never buy
drinks for guys, they must have been very interested in you and you shut them
down like that. Hilarious!

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[]KingTwix 207 points 12 hours ago

Hilariously brutal
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[]SP_57 645 points 17 hours ago

She complained about how long it had been since she'd been eaten out.
It was 15 years ago and the memory still makes me cringe. I friendzoned my
damn self.

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[]phatey 568 points 20 hours ago

Literally lock the door and lie next to me on a bed at a party. In my defense at
the time I never kissed a girl and I didn't think girls knew I existed yet.

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[]m0pi1 756 points 14 hours ago

She probably didn't know you were in the room.

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[]PM_ME_YOUR_ASS_GALS 551 points 20 hours ago

She put her hand on my crotch while sitting next to me.

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[]Mr_Funnybones 410 points 20 hours ago

Go on

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[]PM_ME_YOUR_ASS_GALS 752 points 20 hours ago

Well, it was at a holiday party. A bunch of us were playing Melee and everyone
was having trouble beating me, so they made a gauntlet to best me. After a few
hours of wailing on them I decided to go to another room where people were
watching movies. Elf was on, so I stayed for a while and this really cute girl sat
next to me after a few minutes. She asked if she could cozy up next to me
because she was cold. I said sure and she grabbed a blanket. A while passed and
I felt her hand move onto my crotch. I was really, really confused. We were in a
room with dozens of friends and she kept moving her hand for a while. Nearing
the end of the movie most people were asleep and she asked me if I wanted to
go upstairs with her. I told her that I wanted to finish the movie.
It was only after the movie ended that I realized what was happening. We
eventually got together a few days later and she said that I'm the most oblivious
guy that she's ever met.
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[]Episkeptes 519 points 19 hours ago

Bitches love melee

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[]PM_ME_YOUR_ASS_GALS 237 points 19 hours ago

They love the OGs that can't be beaten by scrubs who can't wavedash.

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[]TheCenterOfEnnui

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552 points 17 hours ago

When I was in HS, I was with a group of friends, all of us in a hot tub. This really
cute girl...wearing a string bikini... sat in my lap, put her arms around my neck,
and within 5 minutes, everyone else left the hot tub to go inside (she had told all
of her friends that she wanted to bang me and to leave when she did this).
What do I do? "Maybe we should go inside with everyone else."

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[]ReginaldLADOO 146 points 12 hours ago*

This happened to me all the fucking time. My friends would always purposely
abandon me with a hot girl who liked me. I was never capable of making a move
because I was (am) one awkward mothafucka. So after many painful minutes I'd
always fall back to "So you wanna go see what everyone else is doing?"
sigh

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[]waterboy1321 550 points 17 hours ago

First weekend studying abroad, it's the end of one of the best nights of my life,
and myself and a girl from the program are wondering around trying to get one
more beer before packing it in. Walking down a quiet side street she starts talking
about how tall I am (a topic i am very used to) and she confesses "I've never
kissed somebody as tall as you." My response, "huh, I guess neither have I." I

didn't realize until two weeks later when we took a weekend trip together that
she had any kind of feelings for me. That was an awkward trip.

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[]SalletFriend 546 points 18 hours ago

Girl would sit in class stroking my hair asking me out on a date every school day
for 6 months. I thought it was some elaborate prank and turned her down
constantly. She started missing school towards the end of the year with some
kind of depression. I think maybe she was 100% genuine or was at least fucked
up a bit by being constantly turned down by this super ugly dude.

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[]fitzij 143 points 15 hours ago

You didnt fuck her up dont worry

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[]asif6646 543 points 19 hours ago

A girl once told me that out of all the guys she knows I would be the only one she
would date and I responded saying sweet

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[]Nzash 713 points 15 hours ago

"Haha, that's so cool! Anyway, catch you later ALLIGATOR!" you say, ruffling her
hair and running off

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[]Xerceng 519 points 19 hours ago*

Happened on last vacation, I was chatting with a hot girl, I gave her something to
drink but accidentally spilled on her lap, near her crotch. She litterally said: "lick
it clean and then kiss me". My brain went on full retard mode and I just ignored
what she said.
Next day she went home, it's a good thing that she added me on facebook.

EDIT: replaced dry with clean, bad english :P

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[]rowlf_thedog 318 points 16 hours ago

Well if you licked it it wouldn't be dry at all.

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[]Monkeyfreez 509 points 18 hours ago

I was at a bar last weekend.


Closing hours came around and the bartender asked us to drink up and get going.
So she downs the rest of her beer, and i ask.
"And how did that taste"
She answered, "Why dont you come find out".
I just tought to myself, well you already drank it all, and left. I am not a smart
man.

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[]nuttypen 503 points 19 hours ago

Once a girl took my pants off. Still didn't realize she wanted anything

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[]omglolnub 352 points 16 hours ago

You probably turned on the TV, didn't you?

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[]surrender_at_20 204 points 16 hours ago

at about the same time she walked away from him.


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[]RadiDeer 169 points 15 hours ago

I just turned 23 and this hurts

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[]AlejandroMP 500 points 18 hours ago

"Can you give me a massage? Here, let me take off my sweater so it's easier
[while not wearing a bra]."
It's like I was in a car accident or something...

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[]tazbunny 459 points 19 hours ago

Before my boyfriend and I began dating we always used to chit chat at my work.
One day he mentioned his work gave him passes to go to the zoo and get a one
on one with the new penguins. I love animals and I especially love penguins so I
kept mentioning how long it's been since I've been to the zoo and how much I
love animals and how he's sooooooooooooooooooooooooo lucky for getting
passes. He thought nothing of it and later on he and his buddy from wrestling
went together.
It wasn't till we actually got together that I asked why he didn't ask me to go with
him and his eyes got so big and he was like "wait! you wanted to go with me? OM-G, you mean we could've perhaps started dating right then and there....but,
what? But O-M-G....so many months later and I FINALLY asked you out
hahahahaahahaha I'm an idiot, do you still wanna go?" Lmfao.
I swear some guys are so clueless, bad on me too though I should of just asked if
he wanted to go with me lol

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[]We_Are_The_Romans 548 points 15 hours ago

buddy from wrestling

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[]ntermediate 195 points 12 hours ago

Should we tell her?


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[]waavp 461 points 19 hours ago

This one prob sounds ludicrous but I was only 16 and a virgin at the time.
Was staying over at my mates house and found myself watching a film alone with
his twin sister while he was already asleep in his own room. It was lateish. She's
wearing just a long t-shirt ready for bed. She says to me 'ow my pussy feels
sore', she then throws herself back on the bed opening her legs at he same time
and says 'is it a bit red?'. I had a very quick look and said 'yeh it's a bit red', then
just stood there as the silence grew awkwader. After what seemed like ages she
flipped herself back up and said 'you may as well fuck off out of my room'.
I did kick myself afterwards about it but it came so out of the blue and happened
so fast that I couldn't compute quick enough.

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[]BeardsuptheWazoo 680 points 16 hours ago

She was the awkward one here.


My pussy is sore, is it red? Is there something wrong with it? I mean, it feels
infected, like an STD or something bad. Can you sniff it and see if it smells gross?
This is not a sexy 'look at my privates' invitation. I think your reaction was pretty
normal. Sounds like you were an awkward teen who was with another awkward
teen.

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[]splashbodge 233 points 16 hours ago

not exactly a turn on or sexy talk her saying her pussy is sore and red, and just
flipping over expecting you want to stick it in her sore infected pussy.... thats just
a weird one...
plus it was your friends sister... theres rules on that!

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[]buckeyegy030 457 points 14 hours ago

I was on a plane ride back from vacation one year when I was 16-ish. I went to
the front of the plane to use the restroom and as I'm walking back to my seat,
this girl hands me a piece of paper and goes, "You dropped this."
I'm one hundred percent confident that I didn't have any paper in my pocket
beforehand, so I politely say, "No, I didn't, but thank you."

"Yes. You did. You dropped this," she says firmly.


At this point, I'm irritated that this girl clearly doesn't realize that I'm more aware
of the contents of my pockets than she is, so I tell her once again, in front of
increasingly bewildered passengers, that I did not drop any paper.
Her mom (I assume) laughs, and the poor girl, exasperated at this point, says
"Just take the paper!" So I say, "Fine!" And return to my seat, where my parents
laugh at me while I open the paper with her phone number on it and realize I'm
the dumbest person I will ever meet.

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[]UnctuousObliquity 433 points 15 hours ago

The worst thing about this thread is that these are about 1% of the possible
stories, as 99% of the time the guys haven't figured it out yet

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[]i_amtheice 419 points 18 hours ago

Was taking a bartending class. This girl stood next to me every time we'd take
our places behind the bar to make fake drinks. She was always really friendly.
One time we got asked to make a drink for the person next to us. Girl looks right
into my eyes and says, "I want you to give me a screaming orgasm." (That's an
actual drink). It was 100% a double entendres but I didn't pick up on it until
months later.

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[]unicornpoopisfree 411 points 20 hours ago*

Personally, as a female, I don't understand how me loudly engaging with


everyone BUT YOU, avoiding eye contact with you and coyly, if not seductively,
ignoring you does not SCREAM for you to hump me immediately.
I don't know how to live right....
Edit: I'm obviously eluding to the fact that I suck at flirting. Evidently I suck at
implying that through sarcasm as well. Basically: I suck. Which you would think
would get me MOAR men... Ehhhhh?
Edit two: I'm alluding not eluding. MOAR SUCKAGE.

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[]TheGuyWhoSaidWAT 237 points 20 hours ago

That's exactly what makes me feel like I am making a woman uncomfortable, and
so I move away. Dammit.

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[]unicornpoopisfree 134 points 20 hours ago

Two ships passing in the night... except I'm an idiot and you're probably super
nice.
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[]BeardsuptheWazoo 149 points 16 hours ago

At least you admit to this.


Some women are like "So I was being super obvious, and he just blew me off!"
What did you do that was obvious?
"I said his name, but with a flirty tone, then looked at him several times from
across the room with a sexy face, then when he said goodbye, I said his name
again. I mean, I practically told him I was interested!"
No, you didn't.

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[]Ksight3 399 points 19 hours ago

Oh boy
1) Party is settling down and it's just the two of us. We're talking about random
things, and I say "I wonder what people back in the day did for fun. She
responds, "they had sex"
2) end of the school year and all of the staff (I was an RA for 2 years) get
together for a banquet. We're walking to the destination and one of the girls
keeps running into me with her tits (I mean like 5+ times)
3) girl on my floor and I get into the elevator together. After a bit of silence she
turns to me and asks "how do I look?"
There's probably a 1000 more.
Reading this I'm surprised I'm not a virgin

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[]HashyHashBrowns 504 points 17 hours ago

"girl keeps running into me with her tits" Are you an anime protagonist?

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[]HugoNaLive 369 points 17 hours ago

As a guy reading so many comments.... I have 1 question. Ladies of reddit what


are your thoughts on these comments?

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[]kmidre 1227 points 16 hours ago

Some of them are understandable since guys have to worry about being creepy.
And I've been oblivious to being hit on too, it can float over your head if you're
not expecting it.
But the cashier guy who asked the hot lady why she gave him her number...he's
too pure for this earth.

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[]RealHazubando 382 points 16 hours ago

My biggest feeling is sadness that men apparently aren't taught to value


themselves enough to take someone's interest seriously. Plenty of you guys are
handsome, interesting, and fun to be around, but you don't see it!

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[]tyrico 132 points 11 hours ago

nobody wants to be labeled a creep.


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[]TacticalCanine 354 points 18 hours ago

I asked her for her number and she quickly scribbled it down and handed it to
me. She was obviously excited that I asked. I texted her about a year later.

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[]slicshuter 199 points 13 hours ago

Holy shit dude

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[]DStaniforth 350 points 18 hours ago

She asked to watch TV in bed and got naked under the covers, asked me if I
thought she needed to shave her bikini zone and I was like "Nah, that feels fine".
It took her two hours until she just grabbed me. In my defence I had been awake
28 hours.

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[]DanielWA87 324 points 17 hours ago

Went to see a band with a girl in my teen years, she invited me to stay at her
place afterwards. She then told me I could sleep in her bed, then she got
undressed.
I went to sleep fully clothed and oblivious

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[]Efrajm 273 points 19 hours ago

We were alone at her place and she casually told me 'all girls like to be fondled,
just not when everybody can see it'. I was like k thx, I wouldn't know.

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[]DonatelloSwerve 265 points 17 hours ago

Back in the myspace days my freshman year in high school this girl and I were
commenting back and forth and I had a huge crush on her. We're deep in a convo
and she says her mom always wanted her to date someone with Filipino blood
cause she would wonder what her kids would look like. I said, "oh I hope you find
someone lucky enough that fits that description lol". I'm half Filipino btw. It
wasn't until way later I found out she was talking about me and she had a crush
on me too.

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[]MonserattheFool 265 points 16 hours ago

Cute girl in college sent me an IM (I'm old) that she heard I had a cool room and
wanted to see it.
I looked around at my Pier One decorations with pride and sent her a picture.
Moron.

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[]girzim23 253 points 20 hours ago*

She had her hand on my leg a lot....

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[]WalkingBack 181 points 20 hours ago

Clear signal to finger her finger.

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[]Balloon_Rotom 224 points 20 hours ago

Apparently this girl kept putting in sexual innuendos when she talked to me, all
my friends told me this. I liked her, and never noticed.

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[]eggshitter 201 points 17 hours ago

One girl grabbed me by the tie and pulled me on top of her on to the bed. I got
up and apologized
Another time one girl kept telling me and another girl how attractive I was, and
kept bringing up the fact, like "[girl 2], how do you not see it? He's really cute".
Then kept asking me to go back to mine but wouldn't tell me why. So I just told
her maybe later (hint: later never happened)

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[]JWBS_Steam 198 points 16 hours ago

Teenagers, right around 14. Earlier that day she asked how big my dick was. I
was 1000% sure she was joking, so I said 16 feet. She laughed and said no
really, how big is your dick. I said I lied, its only 15.5.
Later that day she come over to me with a popsicle and basically started
deepthroating it while looking at me. I immediately thought hey I want a popsicle
too, so I left, got an orange creamsicle, and played Metal Gear Solid 2 for a
couple hours. In my defense, I did finally beat the fight against the RAYS.

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[]reichbc 194 points 18 hours ago

For context, I ride a motorcycle.


A very attractive coworker once questioned me about my bike and asked a bunch
of questions about it, also expressing interest in wanting to learn how to ride. At
one point she asked me if I'd take her for a ride.
Next thing I know she's wearing a promise ring and I felt like an idiot.

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[]nliausacmmv 197 points 17 hours ago

Not that I've ever missed something as obvious as this; it's really more of a tip
for other guys that aren't me that might miss it: if a girl says she used to have a
crush on you, she still does.

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[]Vegesus44 160 points 14 hours ago

Nooooo noooooooooo I didn't need to hear this, That means I have fucked it up
twice.

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[]beadlejuice44 191 points 16 hours ago

We were just chatting on the he phone and she said "we should go sse a movie
sometime"
Me: I'm not a big movie guy.
Her father owned an oil company

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[]lurkerturnedposter 193 points 18 hours ago

Had a party while my parents were gone. End of the night I tell one friend to use
my parent's bed and that this girl could use my bed and that I'd sleep on the floor
in the living room (another friend was already asleep on the couch.
About 5 minutes later the girl comes out and asks me to sleep in my room
because sleeping in new places makes her uncomfortable. I agree, come in, plop
down on the floor. As soon as I do she says I can sleep in my bed with her. I tell
her the floor is fine, but she keeps asking so finally I jump into bed.
I'm wiggling around and complain about my back being sunburned. She says
she'll rub aloe on it. I tell her it'll be fine, but she demands to. So I'm half naked,
it feels great, she finishes, I thank her and go to sleep.
It took me telling that story to my friend the next day before I understood what
was going on. We ended up dating for a while and I got to get my dick wet for the
first time, so that was cool. But then she ended up crazy and immature.

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[]Indulgemybulge 163 points 17 hours ago

We were driving when she wanted me to compare how her boobs felt with and
with out a bra. Almost to embarrased to admit that. But i still won after a few
friend zone years.

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[]vnums 154 points 18 hours ago

My roommate was a bit of a "player" (hate saying that word but it's the best fit).
Was seeing a girl in the US, had a girlfriend in Japan, and was also macking it to
the girl that lived across the hall (college dorm).
She keeps coming to my room when he's gone to hang out. One day comes over
with her pillow and says her neighbors are being too loud and she can't sleep.
Then she curls up in my bed under my covers and asks me if I want to watch a
movie.
I sat at the end of the bed, watched a movie, then went and slept in my
roommate's bed because mine was "taken".
Dumb.. dumb dumb dumb.

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[]conditerite 151 points 20 hours ago

making intense eye contact while seductively sucking on a lollypop.

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[]Flyboy142 137 points 15 hours ago

Girl asked me if I wanted to play doctor. I told her I never heard of that and
asked it it was on console or PC.

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[]Torgonz 141 points 20 hours ago

Honestly, I've never been told of a 'hint' that I missed. And if I did miss a hint, I
would have no way of knowing. I've had things I thought were hints... but... were
they?

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[]Curtis-Loew 138 points 20 hours ago

She asked me to come up for a cup of coffee after a date. I told her no thanks i
don't want coffee it keeps me up at night. Too late for me to drink coffee.

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[]Mr_Clayman 137 points 20 hours ago

I'd just finished work and was a bit grumpy and landed in to meet some buddies
at a nearby bar. The bar staff were ignoring me and I was getting visibly annoyed
after a while. A very nice attractive lady comes up to me and begins, real flirty,
asking why I look so annoyed and said she'd seen me in there before. Me being
me, I went off on a spiel about how they were ignoring me, how I'd just finished
work and OH LOOK NOW THEYRE DOING THE CASHUP so she didn't really stick
around. Connected the dots the next morning and spent a good ten minutes with
my hands to my face.

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