Match Report - Saturday 26/11/16

St Marys College 8 10 Stillorgan RFC

On Saturday afternoon St Marys J5 welcomed behemoths Stillorgan RFC to Templeville Road. The build-up
the game was fraught with uncertainty as the J4 were playing at the same time and numbers were low. Colin
Burkley channelled his inner gangland boss and spent the week giving amnesty to players who had failed to pay
their subs or upset the coach in some other manner. This led to the return of several players, many of whom
hadnt graced a rugby pitch in years and others who hadnt touched a ball since their names were called out
publicly after training like a low rent Stubbs Gazette. The game itself was delayed due to a mix-up on the part of
the J4 referee who claimed he thought the game was on Sunday. For legal reasons we cant speculate that he
was hungover and not arsed. This meant that the j5 referee moved across to the other pitch and a new ref had to
be found at short notice. Luckily the Marys coaching team had just the man for the job and Mick Flats ran home
to get his referee outfit and whistle from the bedroom.
Marys kicked off into Stillorgan and began the game at a very high tempo. Coach Stephen Smudge Teggert
appeared worried by the high tempo and was urging players to conserve energy after a mere 5 minutes of play.
Both teams were evenly matched in open play but Marys did seem to have a slight advantage with Stillorgan
camped in their own half. The Marys lineout did malfunction at first with the pack seemingly unfamiliar with
the hooker, a first for many of them. The entire pack seemed hungry for work with every player taking the ball
on and making yards. Gary Masterson started the ball rolling with a trademark diagonal run which made a metre
before David Dixon carried into contact fully upright for another metre gain. Dixon followed up his run by
starting an argument with the opposition Number 8 which threatened to turn into a brawl, Dixon refusing to
back down and the referee looking suspiciously like a man who forgot his cards. The Marys backline looked
sharp with new outhalf Luke Maher pulling the strings and some sensuous interplay from the centre pairing
despite the captain explicitly stating that the backs keep the fancy shit for tipper. Number 8 Tony Flynn made
yards when the opposition left the ruck unguarded and he powered through aided by James Collery.
Unfortunately nothing came of the opportunity and the next time Flynn got his hands on the ball was to knock it
on from the back of an uncontested scrum before falling over, the excitement obviously getting the better of
him. A temporary reshuffle just prior to halftime saw Steve Walkin come on in the front row and Andrew
Fitzpatrick, just out of retirement, come on at centre. Shortly afterwards Stillorgan went under the posts and
converted to make it 7-0. Minutes later Marys found themselves with a penalty in front of the posts which Luke
Maher converted with ease. 7-3 going into the break.
The second half started with Marys cleanly taking the kick off before being immediately turned over. Once
again the support players underestimating how fast James Casey is with ball in hand. Despite this the Marys
defence held firm, winning a free kick from which Gary Masterson ran the width of the pitch before sneaking
over the line to score. A missed conversion left it 7-8 to Marys. With Stillorgan looking tired Marys could
smell the win and threw caution to the wind, immediately giving away a penalty for offside play leaving the
score at 10-8 to Stillorgan. Marys made a number of substitutions in the second half which saw hooker Ryan
Barnes move into outhalf to replace the injured Luke Maher and Andrew Doran come on for his first appearance
since retiring with a severe case of indolence earlier this season. Marys spent the remainder of the half camped
inside the Stillorgan 22, battering the opposition defence with little or no success. However as the game wore on
and bodies began to tire Stillorgan resorted to illegality to maintain their lead. After Stillorgan failed to release
in front of their own posts the referee searched his pockets frantically for anything yellow but came up empty.
Deputising outhalf Barnes stepped up for the difficult kick but couldnt convert due to the angle. Play continued
with Marys j5 doing their best Jehovahs Witness impression, knocking on every door with no success.
Stillorgan, emboldened by the referees inability to send anyone to the bin forgot that he could still give
penalties and went offside directly in front of their posts. The penalty was given and the last play was called.
Frantic attempts were made to bring the injured outhalf back on for the kick but Stilloran were vocal in their
protests and threatened to go crying to the branch if he was allowed back on for the kick. Outhalf Barnes
stepped up again despite the difficult angle and took the kick which just missed the target and went out for a
lineout. No time for another play. Final score Marys 8 10 Stillorgan.