Should parents spy on their children's emails and texts?

By Judith Woods
The PMs new childhood adviser, Tory MP Claire Perry, thinks social media
is a threat that parents should monitor.
To snoop, or not to snoop? That is the question on every parents mind after the cri de coeur
from Tory MP Claire Perry, who has urged us to suffer the slings and arrows of outraged
teenagers by taking arms against the pernicious threat of social media. David Camerons new
adviser on childhood claims that we have a duty to hack into our childrens emails and
monitor their texts.
Perry, who represents Devizes and has three children, accuses society of being complicit in
creating a culture in which youngsters are free to make inappropriate contact with strangers
at all hours of the day and night.
Not unreasonably, she suggests curtailing online activity late at night by unplugging the
internet router. More controversially, she says that children have no right to keep their
messages private and that parents ought to feel empowered enough to demand access to them.
Really? If you suspect your child is sexting sending explicit images of themselves there is
a clear-cut case for intervention. But where do the boundaries lie between safeguarding and
surveillance? What you regard as justified protectiveness could be construed as gratuitous
prying.
A recent discussion on the parenting website parentdish.co.uk, entitled Invading your teens
privacy: nosy or caring?, threw up a wide spectrum of views. The parentdish audience is
anxious about children and technology, says Tamsin Kelly, site editor and mother of three.
There is quite a marked but even split between those who say their role as a parent is to
police their children while they are under their roof and check on everything, and those who
adopt a more trusting position, albeit with parameters.
Kelly believes that technology should be part of family life with the sort of set of rules and
expectations that you have for table manners or bedtimes. But she cautions against hysterical
nervousness.
I wouldnt demand that my child hands over their phone for me to check, but I would expect
to be their Facebook friend, for them to leave laptops downstairs at bedtime and to have
ongoing conversations with them about potential dangers, she says. I also think its my role
as a parent to keep up-to-date with any new technology that my children might want to use.
Maintaining communication is crucial. If you are caught spying on your child, you risk
creating a situation in which the child keeps secrets, is angry with you and rebels by leading a
separate online life.
Overt scrutiny relies on mutual agreement, but can work at least with younger children. I
have a 10-year-old daughter and, yes, I routinely cast a benign eye over the texts and emails
she sends. We have discussed the reasons why she must never write anything she wouldnt

say to a persons face, and she is happy for now that I am keeping an eye on her and out
for her.
But as she gets older, it will be harder to keep tabs, not least if she changes her PIN. I suspect
that Ill find a way, although discretion will be the byword.
Teenagers have a natural desire for privacy, which doesnt necessarily equate with illicit
behaviour. Yet there are dangers. A friend, a father of two daughters in their late teens,
discovered some years ago that his younger child had been entering chat rooms, despite being
expressly forbidden from doing so.
The computer was in a family area, and one evening when I walked in, I noticed my
daughter, who was then 13, scrambling to shut down the site that she had been looking at, he
says. I made her put it back on the screen and discovered shed been using a chat room and
had been getting deeply inappropriate messages from a man with an unthinkably crude
logon.
The girl had been bewildered and upset but the man was so persistent that she hadnt known
how to end the exchange.
I fired off a furious a message saying I was her dad, that I was calling the police to find out
if he was traceable and that, if he was, I would get his details and go around personally to
'have a word. That stopped the messages.
Thereafter he maintained a watching brief, but was conscious not to appear heavy-handed.
I think its perfectly reasonable to want to know who your children are talking to online, he
says. But once they get older, you have to ease off. You cant micromanage their lives.
Recent research by the NSPCC revealed that sexting is so widespread as to be considered
mundane. Girls as young as 13 send topless and naked photographs on their mobile phones
without hesitation, regarding it as a form of flirtation.
While middle-class parents might be horrified, evidence suggests that socio-demographics do
not play any role in dictating who engages in the practice. According to psychologist and
author Oliver James, as soon as a parent hands their child a smartphone, they have entered
the Wild West and are virtually guaranteed to explore the furthest frontiers of cyberspace,
including hard-core pornography. Most will have a quick peek but wont linger.
If you have a good relationship with your children, you have nothing to worry about, says
James, blithely. The vast majority of kids dont come to any harm; if you think you have the
sort of troubled child who is vulnerable, then what are they doing owning a piece of
equipment that can lead them into difficulties?
With a son aged eight and a daughter who has just turned 11, James, whose most recent book
is Love Bomb: Reset Your Childs Emotional Thermostat, is resigned to giving them
technological freedom, while ensuring that they feel loved enough to turn to him for support
if and when they need it.

Yes, there are people online pretending to be 16 when they are really 30 or 50, but what can
you do? he says. If your child has half a brain they can spot a fake. And besides, I have
absolute confidence that my children will be moderate and sensible.
But his views clash with those of fellow psychologist Prof Tanya Byron, who has sounded the
alarm over children being raised in captivity, because of paranoia over health and safety.
Children are not free range any more, she told the North of England Education Conference
last week. There are no more predators on the streets, no more paedophiles, than when I was
growing up in the 1970s, yet children are rarely seen out. Instead, they are having a blast in
this fantastic global space. I would argue that they are more vulnerable there than if they were
hanging out on the street.
Lucy Russell, director of campaigns at the Young Minds charity, stresses the importance of
children learning how to experience the world and build up emotional resilience by dealing
with problematic situations. Trying to cocoon them isnt the answer; helping them if they are
floundering is much more beneficial.
You have to have conversations so that they can ask for help, says Russell. Children are
incredibly savvy in terms of technology, and they will find ways to do whatever it is you want
them not to do. Parents are kidding themselves if they think they can control social media.
Also, rules imposed in the later years of primary school wont be appropriate for teenagers.
When my children were younger I insisted I was a friend on Facebook, but now they are 15
and 16 they have blocked me, she says. I accept that, but I have friends who tell me whats
going on. The relationship with your children should be one of trust and honesty but with a
little well-intentioned spying, via a circuitous route.
So, if to snoop or not to snoop is the question, the answer would appear to be: yes, but for
heavens sake dont get caught.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/internet/9815906/Should-parents-spy-on-their-childrens-emails-andtexts.html

Questions:
1. What is the purpose of the speaker in the text?
2. What do you call this kind of text?
3. Label the parts of the text (issue, argument for, argument against, and conclusion).
4. Are there passive forms? What are they?
5. Are there saying verbs? What are they?
6. What is the content of issue?
7. Why do some parents spy on their childrens email and texts?
8. Why dont some parents spy on their childrens email and texts?
9. What is the content of the conclusion?
10. What do you think of the speakers attitude? Partial or impartial? How do you know?
11. The text above is mostly written in the ...............................tense.
12. Do you agree with spying on childrens email and texts?
13. Write all the gambits used in spoken text according to their functions. See the
examples.

Gambits
To snoop, or not to snoop?

Functions
Stating your opinion
Asking for information
A surprising fact
Right or wrong
Adding things