TheDiaryofaMadman

byGuydeMaupassant(/author/guydemaupassant/biobooks
stories)
Hewasdeadtheheadofahightribunal,theuprightmagistratewhoseirreproachablelife
wasaproverbinallthecourtsofFrance.Advocates,youngcounsellors,judgeshad
greetedhimatsightofhislarge,thin,palefacelightedupbytwosparklingdeepseteyes,
bowinglowintokenofrespect.
Hehadpassedhislifeinpursuingcrimeandinprotectingtheweak.Swindlersandmurderershadnomoreredoubtableenemy,for
heseemedtoreadthemostsecretthoughtsoftheirminds.
Hewasdead,now,attheageofeightytwo,honoredbythehomageandfollowedbytheregretsofawholepeople.Soldiersinred
trousershadescortedhimtothetombandmeninwhitecravatshadspokenwordsandshedtearsthatseemedtobesincere
besidehisgrave.
Buthereisthestrangepaperfoundbythedismayednotaryinthedeskwherehehadkepttherecordsofgreatcriminals!Itwas
entitled:
WHY?
20thJune,1851.Ihavejustleftcourt.IhavecondemnedBlondeltodeath!Now,whydidthismankillhisfivechildren?Frequently
onemeetswithpeopletowhomthedestructionoflifeisapleasure.Yes,yes,itshouldbeapleasure,thegreatestofall,perhaps,
forisnotkillingthenextthingtocreating?Tomakeandtodestroy!Thesetwowordscontainthehistoryoftheuniverse,allthe
historyofworlds,allthatis,all!Whyisitnotintoxicatingtokill?
25thJune.Tothinkthatabeingistherewholives,whowalks,whoruns.Abeing?Whatisabeing?Thatanimatedthing,thatbears
inittheprincipleofmotionandawillrulingthatmotion.Itisattachedtonothing,thisthing.Itsfeetdonotbelongtotheground.Itis
agrainoflifethatmovesontheearth,andthisgrainoflife,comingIknownotwhence,onecandestroyatone'swill.Thennothing
nothingmore.Itperishes,itisfinished.
26thJune.Whythenisitacrimetokill?Yes,why?Onthecontrary,itisthelawofnature.Themissionofeverybeingistokillhe
killstolive,andhekillstokill.Thebeastkillswithoutceasing,allday,everyinstantofhisexistence.Mankillswithoutceasing,to
nourishhimselfbutsinceheneeds,besides,tokillforpleasure,hehasinventedhunting!Thechildkillstheinsectshefinds,the
littlebirds,allthelittleanimalsthatcomeinhisway.Butthisdoesnotsufficefortheirresistibleneedtomassacrethatisinus.Itis
notenoughtokillbeastswemustkillmantoo.Longagothisneedwassatisfiedbyhumansacrifices.Nowtherequirementsof
sociallifehavemademurderacrime.Wecondemnandpunishtheassassin!Butaswecannotlivewithoutyieldingtothisnatural
andimperiousinstinctofdeath,werelieveourselves,fromtimetotime,bywars.Thenawholenationslaughtersanothernation.It
isafeastofblood,afeastthatmaddensarmiesandthatintoxicatescivilians,womenandchildren,whoread,bylamplightatnight,
thefeverishstoryofmassacre.
Onemightsupposethatthosedestinedtoaccomplishthesebutcheriesofmenwouldbedespised!No,theyareloadedwith
honors.Theyarecladingoldandinresplendentgarmentstheywearplumesontheirheadsandornamentsontheirbreasts,and
theyaregivencrosses,rewards,titlesofeverykind.Theyareproud,respected,lovedbywomen,cheeredbythecrowd,solely
becausetheirmissionistoshedhumanbloodTheydragthroughthestreetstheirinstrumentsofdeath,thatthepasserby,cladin
black,looksonwithenvy.Fortokillisthegreatlawsetbynatureintheheartofexistence!Thereisnothingmorebeautifuland
honorablethankilling!
30thJune.Tokillisthelaw,becausenatureloveseternalyouth.Sheseemstocryinallherunconsciousacts:"Quick!quick!
quick!"Themoreshedestroys,themoresherenewsherself.

2dJuly.Ahumanbeingwhatisahumanbeing?Throughthoughtitisareflectionofallthatisthroughmemoryandscienceitis
anabridgededitionoftheuniversewhosehistoryitrepresents,amirrorofthingsandofnations,eachhumanbeingbecomesa
microcosminthemacrocosm.
3dJuly.Itmustbeapleasure,uniqueandfullofzest,tokilltohavetherebeforeonetheliving,thinkingbeingtomakethereina
littlehole,nothingbutalittlehole,toseethatredthingflowwhichistheblood,whichmakeslifeandtohavebeforeoneonlya
heapoflimpflesh,cold,inert,voidofthought!
5thAugust.I,whohavepassedmylifeinjudging,condemning,killingbythespokenword,killingbytheguillotinethosewhohad
killedbytheknife,I,I,ifIshoulddoasalltheassassinshavedonewhomIhavesmitten,IIwhowouldknowit?
l0thAugust.Whowouldeverknow?Whowouldeversuspectme,me,me,especiallyifIshouldchooseabeingIhadnointerestin
doingawaywith?
15thAugust.Thetemptationhascometome.Itpervadesmywholebeingmyhandstremblewiththedesiretokill.
22dAugust.Icouldresistnolonger.Ikilledalittlecreatureasanexperiment,forabeginning.Jean,myservant,hadagoldfinchin
acagehungintheofficewindow.Isenthimonanerrand,andItookthelittlebirdinmyhand,inmyhandwhereIfeltitsheartbeat.
Itwaswarm.Iwentuptomyroom.FromtimetotimeIsqueezedittighteritsheartbeatfasterthiswasatrociousanddelicious.I
wasnearchokingit.ButIcouldnotseetheblood.
ThenItookscissors,shortnailscissors,andIcutitsthroatwiththreeslits,quitegently.Itopeneditsbill,itstruggledtoescapeme,
butIheldit,oh!IhelditIcouldhaveheldamaddogandIsawthebloodtrickle.
AndthenIdidasassassinsdorealones.Iwashedthescissors,Iwashedmyhands.Isprinkledwaterandtookthebody,the
corpse,tothegardentohideit.Iburieditunderastrawberryplant.Itwillneverbefound.EverydayIshalleatastrawberryfrom
thatplant.Howonecanenjoylifewhenoneknowshow!
Myservantcriedhethoughthisbirdflown.Howcouldhesuspectme?Ah!ah!
25thAugust.Imustkillaman!Imust
30thAugust.Itisdone.Butwhatalittlething!IhadgoneforawalkintheforestofVernes.Iwasthinkingofnothing,literally
nothing.Achildwasintheroad,alittlechildeatingasliceofbreadandbutter.
Hestopstoseemepassandsays,"Goodday,Mr.President."
Andthethoughtentersmyhead,"ShallIkillhim?"
Ianswer:"Youarealone,myboy?"
"Yes,sir."
"Allaloneinthewood?"
"Yes,sir."
Thewishtokillhimintoxicatedmelikewine.Iapproachedhimquitesoftly,persuadedthathewasgoingtorunaway.And,
suddenly,Iseizedhimbythethroat.Helookedatmewithterrorinhiseyessucheyes!Heheldmywristsinhislittlehandsandhis
bodywrithedlikeafeatheroverthefire.Thenhemovednomore.Ithrewthebodyintheditch,andsomeweedsontopofit.I
returnedhome,anddinedwell.Whatalittlethingitwas!IntheeveningIwasverygay,light,rejuvenatedIpassedtheeveningat
thePrefect's.Theyfoundmewitty.ButIhavenotseenblood!Iamtranquil.
31stAugust.Thebodyhasbeendiscovered.Theyarehuntingfortheassassin.Ah!ah!
1stSeptember.Twotrampshavebeenarrested.Proofsarelacking.
2dSeptember.Theparentshavebeentoseeme.Theywept!Ah!ah!
6thOctober.Nothinghasbeendiscovered.Somestrollingvagabondmusthavedonethedeed.Ah!ah!IfIhadseenthebloodflow,
itseemstomeIshouldbetranquilnow!Thedesiretokillisinmyblooditislikethepassionofyouthattwenty.

20thOctober.Yetanother.Iwaswalkingbytheriver,afterbreakfast.AndIsaw,underawillow,afishermanasleep.Itwasnoon.A
spadewasstandinginapotatofieldnearby,asifexpressly,forme.
Itookit.IreturnedIraiseditlikeaclub,andwithoneblowoftheedgeIcleftthefisherman'shead.Oh!hebled,thisone!Rose
coloredblood.Itflowedintothewater,quitegently.AndIwentawaywithagravestep.IfIhadbeenseen!Ah!ah!Ishouldhave
madeanexcellentassassin.
25thOctober.Theaffairofthefishermanmakesagreatstir.Hisnephew,whofishedwithhim,ischargedwiththemurder.
26thOctober.Theexaminingmagistrateaffirmsthatthenephewisguilty.Everybodyintownbelievesit.Ah!ah!
27thOctober.Thenephewmakesaverypoorwitness.Hehadgonetothevillagetobuybreadandcheese,hedeclared.Heswore
thathisunclehadbeenkilledinhisabsence!Whowouldbelievehim?
28thOctober.Thenephewhasallbutconfessed,theyhavebadgeredhimso.Ah!ah!justice!
15thNovember.Thereareoverwhelmingproofsagainstthenephew,whowashisuncle'sheir.Ishallpresideatthesessions.
25thJanuary.Todeath!todeath!todeath!Ihavehadhimcondemnedtodeath!Ah!ah!Theadvocategeneralspokelikeanangel!
Ah!ah!Yetanother!Ishallgotoseehimexecuted!
10thMarch.Itisdone.Theyguillotinedhimthismorning.Hediedverywell!verywell!Thatgavemepleasure!Howfineitistosee
aman'sheadcutoff
Now,Ishallwait,Icanwait.Itwouldtakesuchalittlethingtoletmyselfbecaught.
Themanuscriptcontainedyetotherpages,butwithoutrelatinganynewcrime.
Alienistphysicianstowhomtheawfulstoryhasbeensubmitteddeclarethatthereareintheworldmanyundiscoveredmadmenas
adroitandasmuchtobefearedasthismonstrouslunatic.

TheDiaryofaMadmanwasfeaturedasTheShortStoryoftheDay(/shortstoryoftheday)onFri,Jul03,2015

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