Topic: Negative effects of Korean private education

I.

Introduction (Paragraph 1)
A. Hook
is one of the most famous idioms originated in ancient China, meaning the
mother of Mencius moved their house three times to foster a better educational environment
for him.
B. Connecting information
This phrase still makes sense since more and more parents move to Seoul, especially
Gangnam District 8, hoping their children study harder among the best schools, private tutors
and hagwon, which means private academy. Moreover, they send their kids to private
education actively even before they enter elementary school because parents think learning
something at an early age is the best.Therefore, the problem of the private education system
in South Korea is coming to the fore front as most Korean parents try to teach their children
much harder.
C. Thesis statement:
Private education has many advantages; however, it does have some negative effects not
only on students but also on parents.

II. Body
A. Paragraph 2 (first cause or effect) topic sentence
Students do not improve markedly by hagwons or private lessons.
1. Most parents believe that their children will be smarter when they spend a lot of money on private
education. According to Lee (2011), some parents send their children to hagwon with a greedy
motivation that my child must be better than the others, and they pressure their children to
endure the boring and frustrating process of rote learning. Moreover, Lee said, They recognize
their responsibility for the excessive expansion of the supplemental education to some extent.
2. Students also spend considerable time attending hagwon lectures and online courses. Korean
high schools manage evening self-study hours to provide students with a better environment and
atmosphere for independent studying. Despite the provided time to study, many students go to
hagwons or listen to online lectures; excusing themselves that they need more lessons for a
higher score (Ihm, Woo, and Chae 5, 2008). However, only a few students grades do improve. As
a matter of fact, most students get bored and want to quit hagwons and private lessons.
3. With more specific statistics, Kim and Oh (2013) presented that even though more than 70% of

elementary, middle and high school students take private education, spending 200,000 per
month and five to six hours per week on the average, their exam score increased only 0.5 point.
B. Paragraph 3 (second cause or effect) topic sentence
Private education arouses problem over students and teachersmental health.
1. According to a study of Hanlim University (2011), about 30% of students who have been taking
private education more than four hours a day showed several symptoms of depression, including
aggression and hyperactivity error. However, the depression index of children who spend much
time with their parents was -0.052. Also, Dawson (2010) said Pedagogical and curricular
practices in the private tutoring systems have functioned to increase anxiety and insecurity in
regard to the formal education system with the purpose of expanding the market.
2. Kim (2014) reported that excessive preceding study ruins students brain development and
growth, constricting memory center. Appropriate stimuli produce elaborate brain circuit; however,
if a person receivesextreme stimuli, her or his brain circuit disappears because of stress.
3. The survey by Yang (2013) revealed that public school teachers regard public education as a
discouragement during the class. 86% of them replied public education impedes classroom
environment and class process. The respondents said the most difficulty is that students do not
concentrate on their instruction, saying they already learned it from hagwon or online lecture.
Also, students rarely get interested in classes because of immoderate learning, and they often
drowse during the lecture or do their homework, related to private education.
C. Paragraph 4 (third cause or effect) topic sentence:
Private education would make households economy get worse.
1. Kim and Lee (2004) stated that in 2000, although the government spent 3.5% of GDP on formal
primary and secondary schooling (comparable to other OECD countries), households spent about
the same amount on private tutoring. It means that households in South Korea spend money on
private education having nothing to do with public education.
2. Kim (2004) mentioned, It is small wonder that private tutoring occupies a prominent spot in the
Korean agenda for policy debates amid concerns that such heavy reliance on private tutoring will
perpetuate or even exacerbate the widening income gap across generations. According to
Statistics Korea, monthly average private education expense per capita was 244,000 Korean
won; the average monthly private education cost per student for households with an average
monthly income of more than 7 million won is 420,000 won, while households with monthly
average income less than 1 million won are 66,000 won. Since not every household is rich,
private education makes them more difficult to afford.
3.

Moreover, nine out of ten parents feel too much pressure on bearing private tutoring expenses.

Only 14% of 15,000 parents expend less than 10% of their monthly income on private education
expenses; the rest spend more than 11% of their monthly salary. Almost 90% of the respondents
replied they are under the stress of financial burden because of it (Korea Research Center 9,
2009).
III. Conclusion (Paragraph 5)
A. Restate thesis
Private education has many advantages; however, it does have some negative effects not
only on children but also on parents.
B. Suggestion, opinion, or prediction
Students and parents should not have blind faith in the private education; they need to
consider the side effects of it before making a decision.

References

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South Korea, and Cambodia. Asia Pacific Education Review 11 (2010): 14-24. Print.
Hong, HyungJu, et al. Mental Health and Extracurricular Education in Korean First Graders: A
School-Based Cross-Sectional Study. The Journal of Clinical Psychiatry 72.6 (2011): 861-868.
Print.
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Korea: Learning Supplement and Strategic Investment. The Korean Society for the Economics
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Kim, Jinyoung, and Oh, Junbeom. Long Term Effects of Private Education through the Analysis of
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Kim, Kyunghee. Kids Being BruisedBrain Cells Shrink if Prerequisite Learning is Excessive.
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