Undercultured

Opening
Title sequence
Introductions to guests
Round 1: Star Wars
Preamble
Introduction to debate
Debate
Conclusion
ADVERTS ??? SECONDS
Round 2: Anime
Preamble
Introduction to debate
Debate
Conclusion
ADVERTS ??? SECONDS
Round 3: Grindhouse
Preamble
Introduction to question
Debate
Conclusion
Round 4: Pokemon
Preamble
VT (2-3 minutes)
Introduction to debate
Debate
Conclusion
Ending
Wrap-up
Credits

FADE IN:

HOST
Hello and welcome to Undercultured! The best show
called Undercultured, we make nerd culture
palatable to the masses, and drag pop-culture down
to our level. We are filmed in front of a live
jury.
As always, I, Sam Turnbull, will be your host.
Im sorry about that, but refunds are not
available.
First things first, lets meet todays panel.
On Team Sarah, we have:
Kieran!
KIERAN
(waves)
HOST
A keen war hammer builder and Smeg Head, hes no
stranger to nerd culture. But watch out ladies,
hes single!
And by his side we have Charlie!
CHARLIE
(waves)
HOST
Currently part of a west-end production of
Annie, Charlie solves all her problems
through impromptu musical numbers.

And on Team Adam, we have

ANNA
(waves)
HOST
Anna! Trained by an infamous group of
sarcastic ninjas, she has incredible power
of snark! So we would advise other guests
to watch out and keep themselves on her
good side.
And last of all, but by no means least, we
have Belle whos name is Belle.
So now that weve met the panel...
prepare to become undercultured!
Roll titles!

[OPENING TITLES, 31 SECONDS]

HOST
Now that George Lucas has sold his soul
and his career to white slavers, Star
Wars is hip again!
Suddenly, we can expect a Star Wars movie
every year! But what do we all think of
the existing franchise?
Well, we asked members of the public
around Henley to rank the 7 films in order
from best to worst.
Of course, this show is meant to be a
challenge, both mental and physical. We
dont want our panel to get too
comfortable. We already asked them how
they would rank the films, but for this
round, we want each team to tell me what
they think our publics ranking was.
To kick things off, lets go round our
3

panel to hear how each of our panel

members rank the films.
ANNA
1. Episode V -The Empire
Strikes Back
2. Episode VI -Return of
the Jedi
3. Episode IV - A New
Hope
4. Episode VII -The Force
Awakens
5. Episode III -Revenge
of the Sith
6. Episode I -The Phantom
Menace
7. Episode II -Attack of
the Clones
BELLE
1. Episode V -The Empire
Strikes Back
2. Episode IV - A New
Hope
3. Episode VI -Return of
the Jedi
4. Episode III -Revenge
of the Sith
5. Episode II -Attack of
the Clones
6. Episode VII -The Force
Awakens
7. Episode I -The Phantom
Menace
KIERAN
1. Episode V -The Empire
Strikes Back
2. Episode VI -Return of
the Jedi
3. Episode IV - A New

Hope
4. Episode III -Revenge
of the Sith
5. Episode II -Attack of
the Clones
6. Episode VII -The Force
Awakens
7. Episode I -The Phantom
Menace
CHARLIE
1. Episode V -The Empire
Strikes Back
2. Episode VII -The Force
Awakens
3. Episode IV - A New
Hope
4. Episode VI - Return of
the Jedi
5. Episode III -Revenge
of the Sith
6. Episode II -Attack of
the Clones
7. Episode I -The Phantom
Menace

HOST

Now, after hearing everybody elses, were

there any surprises for anyone?
[open flour chat for 30 seconds, or longer]
HOST
Please open up Envelope 1 and tip out the
contents onto your desks. You have the
names of the 7 Star Wars movies, and 10
seconds to sort them into the order you
think our public ranked them. Go!
(10 seconds of panel chatting
and fumbling)
HOST
Times up! No cheating, please.

Team Sarah, lets go to you first, read

out the order you put them in.
TEAM SARAH
[Their answer]
HOST
Interesting. But what did Team Adam think?
TEAM ADAM
[Their answer]
HOST
Thank you, teams. You did well, but I can
now reveal to you what our public really
thought.
(pause)
The surveys ranking was this:
1. The Empire Strikes Back
2. Return of the Jedi
3. A New Hope
4. The Force Awakens
5. Revenge of the Sith
6. Attack of the Clones
7. The Phantom Menace
Thats it. The overall ranking.
Shockingly though, about a third of those
we surveyed placed The Phantom Menace as
only the second worst of the lot.
So teams, what did we think of that? Were
you surprised by what I told you?
TEAM ADAM
[Opinions]

TEAM SARAH
[Opinions]

HOST
Thats all for our first round! Well be
right back after this short break.
[1st Add Beak 2:10]
HOST
Welcome back!
Wasting no time, lets get straight on
with phase two of your Underculturing.
We now shift our focus from one of the
giants of western pop-culture, to the
east. In Japan, crazy is a part of the
mainstream media - welcome to the Anime
Round!
But first, a little bonus challenge. While
were on the subject of Japanese
quirkiness that has conceder the west
who can recite all the lyrics of PPAP to
me?
CONTESTANT (PROBABLY

BELLE)

I have a pen.
I have an apple.
Apple Pen!
I have a pen
I have Pineapple
Uhhhhhh!
Pineapple Pen!
Apple Pen!
Pineapple Pen!
Pin Pineapple Apple Pen!
7

Pin Pineapple Apple Pen!

HOST
Well done! You may be expecting me to
reward you with points. But you get
nothing.
Now, for the main part of this round!
Open up envelope 2, and youll each see a
copy of a different anime poster.
In this round, we want each of you to try
and figure out what the plots of your
anime may be.
Belle, lets go to you first. Can you
start out by describing your poster for
us? What does it make you think of?
BELLE
[Describes]
HOST
[Prompts Anna]
ANNA
[Describes]
HOST
[Prompts Charlie]
CHARLIE
[Describes]
HOST
[Prompts Kieran]
KIERAN
[Describes]
HOST
And with that If youre not feeling too
Undercultured already, I hope to see you
8

after these messages.

[2nd Add Beak 2:10 mins]
HOST
Welcome back, once again, to
Undercultured. Next, well be taking a
closer look at some obscure aspects of
film culture. So get out your Betamax
players and VHS tapes, its time for round
3 - grindhouse cinema.
Can any of you tell me, what immediately
springs to mind when I say grindhouse?
MEMBER

OF

PANEL

[Guesses]
[Bit of banter happens]
HOST
Okay, well, for this quick-fire round, Im
going to describe to you the basic premise
of 4 different films. The challenge is
this: only some of the films are real. The
others were made up by me. So after each
synopsis, Ill immediately ask each team
to say whether they think its real or
fake.
Film number 1
An aspiring writer is repeatedly gangraped, humiliated, and left for dead by
four men whom she then systematically
hunts down, to seek revenge.
Okay, teams, what do we think of this one?
Team Sarah, real or fake?
TEAM SARAH
[Real/Fake]
HOST
And Team Adam?

TEAM ADAM
[Real/Fake]
HOST
In actual fact, it was real!
Moving swiftly onto Number 2:
A young woman, muted after a sexual
assault as a child, is trained to seek
violent revenge on those who have wronged
her after being kidnapped and forced to
work as a prostitute.
Now, its at this point you might be
noticing a theme. Theres a reason that
grindhouse films are also often referred
to as exploitation cinema.
But Team Adam, real or fake?
TEAM ADAM
[Real/Fake]
HOST
And Team Sarah?
TEAM SARAH
[Real/Fake]
HOST
Interesting the film was real!
Number 3:
General Ahmed has started an inner-city
People's Army to try and relieve the
misery of the citizens of Watts. When the
locals are put under increasing pressure
by Mafia thugs, Ahmed's second-in-command
Colonel Kojah asks for permission to start
a protection squad to take more direct
action. Ahmed fears this protection squad
will just turn into a vigilante mob, and
his prediction soon proves correct. Will
Ahmed be able to wrest control back from
10

the power-mad Kojah, or will he be the

mob's next victim?
Number 4:
Two gangers, Jim and Tim, are forced to
defend the world against dragons, after
realising their undying love for one
another.
But real or fake, Team Adam?
TEAM ADAM
[Real/Fake]
HOST
And Team Sarah?
TEAM SARAH
[Real/Fake]

HOST
In actual fact, that last film was made
up!
Thats all for that round! Well done
teams.
Our next round celebrates a franchise that
this year turned 20! Becoming relevant
again a few months ago, Pokemon has now
faded back into obscurity. But itll
always have a place in our hearts.
Earlier today, we set our teams a little
challenge
Run VT.
[Cut To:]
[3 minute VT]
[Fade Into:]

11

HOST
Well, that looked like fun.
For the main part of this round, please
open the envelopes on your desks labeled
4.
In your enveloped, each of you will find a
genuine but obscure Pokemon. We dont
expect you to know anything about these
obscure critters, you can imagine for
yourself what their stories are. Your job
is to describe your pokemon. Please be as
imaginative and whimsical as you like,
whoever can impress me the most with their
Pokemon wins the round for their team.
Wasting no time at all to let you think,
lets ask Team Sarah first.
Kieran, tell me about your Pocket Monster.
KIERAN
[answer]
HOST
mhm very goode. Charlie
CHARLIE
[answer]
HOST
Well done, Team Sarah, that was almost
good.
Team Adam, its your turn to impress me.
Anna?
ANNA
[answer]
HOST
And Belle?

12

BELLE
[answer]
HOST
Thank you everybody, youve given me much
to think about
But ultimately, the winner of this round
is [____?]
Well, thats all for today. Ive been your
host Sam Turnbull, its been a pleasure
Underculturing you!
A big thank you to all of todays guests!
Team Sarah were, Kieran and Charlie!
Team Adam were, Belle and Joe!
And the winners were Team [___?] !
Thats all from us! Thank you and see you
next time, to become even more
Undercultured!
FADE OUT:
THE END

13