DISORGANIZED ATTACHMENT

10 Ramifications in Adult Relationships

When you work with a client who has a Disorganized Attachment
Style, its often hard to discern a treatment plan or understand the most
productive focus. Here are ten areas of consideration when working
with a disorganized within an adult relationship:
1. The first point is that the client is trying to manage high levels of
activation from being terrorized as a child. They may experience
panic or rage at a certain level of intimacy when getting close to
another in relationship and thus need help learning to both self
and interactively regulate.
2. In adult relationships they can experience extreme shifts of mood
and act out panic/rage reactions in the current relationship. These
can actually be caused from replicating their parents pattern that
became embodied in their own physiology.
3. Next they can be easily triggered into frustration, fear and despair
especially when circumstances or agreements are unclear or
confusing or changing too often.
4. The Inner chaos, high arousal and turmoil experienced by a
disorganized client understandably brings higher level of self
absorption and reactivity so they need help to calm and instigate a
relaxation response and regain focus.
5. Two major biological drives are in constant conflict: the innate
drive to attach and the instinctual drive to survive. These need to
be effectively untangled and separated experientially.
Diane Poole Heller

Attachment Mastery Program

6. Autonomic dys-regulation disturbs affect modulation and causes

hyper-vigilance and hyper-sensitivity especially regarding
relationships. Those triggers need to be identified, understood
and worked with.
7. Relationships themselves are triggers for unresolved relational
trauma from childhood so the path is to work with encapsulated
child states and corrective experiences to move clients more into
the now and toward positive relational resources.
8. Disorganized styles may feel fed to the lions instead of
protected by one or both parents as children. They may not
experience or take in true protection from others - even when it is
available. We can help by installing the Competent Protector
Corrective Experience.
9. They may not have appropriate defenses or radar for danger and
may stay in non-supportive or abusive relationships instead of
leaving when needed. We need to help them rebuild a responsive
threat response and orientation to safety.
10. Finally, due to the amount of fear from relational trauma, partners
can be easily triggered and dys-regulated or trigger each other
setting off intense survival urges toward fight and flight. We need
to help them learn to contain conflicts calmly long enough to use
effective skills to work things out or take a break. They can switch
to having fun and come back to it again later.

Diane Poole Heller

Attachment Mastery Program