Enneagram Type 4 - The

Individualist
Identity seekers, who feel unique and different

People of this personality type tend to build their identities

around their perception of themselves as being somehow
different or unique; they are thus self-consciously
individualistic. Fours tend to see their difference from others
as being both a gift and a curse - a gift, because it sets
them apart from those they perceive as being somehow
"common," and a curse, as it so often seems to separate
them from the simpler forms of happiness that others so
readily seem to enjoy. Thus, Fours can manage to feel
superior to others while also secretly harboring some
degree of longing and envy. A feeling of being a member of
the "true aristocracy" alternates with deep feelings of
shame, and fears of somehow being deeply flawed or
defective.
Fours are emotionally complex and highly sensitive. They
long to be understood and appreciated for their authentic
selves, but easily feel misunderstood and unappreciated.
They have a tendency to withdraw in the face of a world
that seems harsh or crude, and are often somewhat moody

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or temperamental. They are emotionally centered and

spend much of their lives immersed in their internal mental
landscapes, where they feel free to cultivate and analyse
their feelings. A desire to manifest this internal world often
leads Fours to an interest in the arts, and some do become
actual artists. Whether artistic or not, however, most Fours
are aesthetically sensitive and concerned with selfexpression and self-revelation, whether it be in the clothes
they wear or in the overall nature of their often idiosyncratic
lifestyles.
Fours are somewhat melancholic by disposition, and under
stress tend to lapse into depression. They also tend to be
self-absorbed, even under the best of circumstances, but
when unbalanced, easily give way to a self-indulgence
which they perceive as being fully justified as a way to
compensate for the general lack of pleasure they
experience in their lives. Rather than look for practical
solutions to their difficulties, Fours are prone to fantasizing
about a savior who will rescue them from their
unhappiness.
Intellectual Fours tend to mistakenly type themselves as
Fives, and a heavy wing can certainly exacerbate this
tendency. Fours however, unlike Fives, tend to be selfrevealing and comfortable with emotional expression.

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TYPE FOUR: THE ROMANTIC

Fours have a strong need to understand themselves and to express that

understanding aesthetically. In their drive for self-understanding they may
become self-absorbed and self-conscious. Fours frequently feel different
from others. Fours unconsciously focus their attention on the finer points of
what is missing, so that by comparison, what is available seems to lack
appeal. Fours thrive on being important in the lives of other people,
especially important people.

Fours have a strong need to understand themselves and to express that

understanding aesthetically. In their drive for self-understanding they may
become self-absorbed and self-conscious. Fours frequently feel different
from others. Fours unconsciously focus their attention on the finer points
of what is missing, so that by comparison, what is available seems to lack
appeal. Fours thrive on being important in the lives of other people,
especially important people.
Possible Origins. Fours often had a rather solitary, frequently unhappy
childhood. They felt abandoned by one or both parents and consequently
turned inward for gratification. They grew up feeling alone and carried this
aloneness into adulthood.

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Flawed Fours. Fearful of being misunderstood or hurt if they express

themselves directly, Fours may turn to artistic fields to communicate. If
they are unable to express themselves, they become shy, painfully selfconscious and afraid of social interaction. Unhealthy Fours block out
desires and expectations-so they will not be hurt when their desires are not
fulfilled and their expectations are not met. Fours compete with peers for
the respect of grand authority.
Well-Adapted Fours have learned to love others in spite of the fact that
they themselves have felt unloved. Of all the types, they are most in touch
with their inner feelings. They deceive themselves, and others, less than
any other type. And freed of their potentially crippling self-consciousness,
creativity can take free rein, often with quite spectacular results. Their
sensitivity to the feelings and needs of others and their regard for
individuality make them excellent parents, friends, and therapists.
Occupations. The need to express their special nature leads Fours to be
poets, musicians, actors, and artists. They are also original in the way they
shape their environment as well as in the way they express their feelings.
Fours are uncommon among managers, but they may be a manager's
secondary type. As managers they can see extraordinary possibilities in a
common business situation. They can channel their creative energies into
starting up a new, unique organization.

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Finding Oneself:
Fours will probably agree with most of statements:
1. I have the sense of something missing from life.
2. I try to look casual and natural.
3. I have always had an attraction for symbolism.
4. People don't feel as deeply as I do.
5. I like to do things properly and with class.
6. My environmental surroundings are very important to me.
7. It's easy for me to distinguish between "the best," and "the best
known."
8. I don't like to think of myself as being ordinary or having an
ordinary problem.
9. I find myself swinging back and forth between highs and lows.
Either I'm very up or very down, I don't feel very alive when I'm in
the middle.
10.People have accused me of being overly dramatic, but they really
don't understand how I feel.

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Enneagram Type 4: The

Romantic
Lost essential quality: An experience of the original deep and complete
connection to everything.
Compensating belief: Something vitally important is missing and must be
regained to relieve the painful feeling of deficiency and loss of connection.
Attention/coping strategy: Searching for the ideal love or circumstances that will
make you feel loved, whole and complete again. Putting attention on intense
feelings concerning that which you view as important and missing.
Trap: Trying to obtain the special, ultimate love or situation that will make you
complete.
Driving energy: Envy and longing, fueling the search for whatever seems
necessary to make life fulfilling.
Avoidance: Being ordinary, deficient, lacking.
Strengths: Creative disposition, passion, empathy, emotional depth.
Paradox: Wanting what is missing perpetuates dissatisfaction with what is present.

Path of development:

Focus on what is positive in the present

Be consistent in action despite fluctuating and intense feelings

Recognize that feelings are not the only reality

Appreciate the ordinary

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Ultimate task: Reclaiming wholeness in the present moment by appreciating what

is here and now, and accepting yourself as you are without needing to be special
and unique.

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Type 4: The Romantic

Longing for what is missing
How have my attention and energy gone to what I felt was missing? In what ways
did I experience a sense of longing or envy? A need for fuller connection? A
yearning for ideals? How did I experience disappointment in myself? In others?
Basis: Fours strategy for a fulfilling life is to have nothing of substance missing.
Therefore, their attention goes to what is missing.
Emotional intensity
What have I been feeling? What range of feelings? What intensity? Did my feelings
go to extremes? Or did they stay appropriate to the situation? How did my feelings
influence my actions? Could I sustain a steady course of action in the presence of
strong or deep emotions?
Basis: The depth of feelings determines what is real, vital and important for Fours,
which makes them susceptible to fluctuating moods and emotions.
Idealizing specialness
How have I been drawn to what seems special or unique? In what ways have I
diminished or disdained (perhaps quite subtly) the ordinary or mundane? Have I
felt pride in being different or special, or have I felt shame in being less than my
ideal? In what ways have I felt misunderstood? Have I ignored or been unaware of
others? How have I related events and situations back to me personally?
Basis: Fours long to be special and unique as part of making up for an underlying
belief in their own deficiency and sense of lack.

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Type 4: The Romantic

The Basic Proposition
You lost sight of the original state of a deep and complete connection to all others
and all things, and came to believe instead that the world abandons you and that
something important is missing. So you focus on searching for an ideal love or
perfect circumstance to make you feel loved, whole and complete again. In this
search for the most unique, special and fulfilling, you feel envy and a longing for
what you idealize but is unavailable. Your attention naturally goes to what is
missing.
The central issue for healing
Ironically, an outward search for the ultimate, ideal, deep heart connection, and
complete fulfillment where nothing of substance is missing, serves only to
perpetuate a Fours dilemma. All your well-intentioned searching in the wrong place
only creates more intense feelings of deficiency and longing.
A Romantics primary task, therefore, is to realize that wholeness and completeness
come with acceptance and appreciation of what is here now, in the present moment
from the inside out, not from the outside in. Disappointments and deficiencies are
part of the fabric of life, not an indication of deficiency of being.
Six healing and growth commitments for Romantics:

Accept that wholeness and realness exist now in the present moment

Practice self-appreciation based on what is present and not what is absent,

on what is rather than what isnt

Resist domination by strong and fluctuating feelings while acknowledging

their authenticity

Sustain a steady course of action even in the presence of intense feelings

Appreciate the ordinary instead of deeming it as boring

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Disconnect your self-esteem from the need to be special or extraordinary

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Personal Growth Recommendations

for Enneagram Type Fours

Do not pay so much attention to your feelings; they are not a true source of support
for you, as you probably already know. Remember this advice: "From our present
perspective, we can also see that one of the most important mistakes Fours make is
to equate themselves with their feelings. The fallacy is that to understand
themselves they must understand their feelings, particularly their negative ones,
before acting. Fours do not see that the self is not the same as its feelings or that the
presence of negative feelings does not preclude the presence of good in themselves"
(Personality Types, p. 172). Always remember that your feelings are telling you
something about yourself as you are at this particular moment, not necessarily more
than that.

Avoid putting off things until you are "in the right mood." Commit yourself to
productive, meaningful work that will contribute to your good and that of others, no
matter how small the contribution may be. Working consistently in the real world will
create a context in which you can discover yourself and your talents. (Actually, you
are happiest when you are workingthat is, activating your potentials and realizing
yourself. You will not "find yourself" in a vacuum or while waiting for inspiration to
strike, so connectand stay connectedwith the real world.

Self-esteem and self-confidence will develop only from having positive experiences,
whether or not you believe that you are ready to have them. Therefore, put yourself
in the way of good. You may never feel that you are ready to take on a challenge of
some sort, that you always need more time. (Fours typically never feel that they are
sufficiently "together," but they must nevertheless have the courage to stop putting
off their lives.) Even if you start small, commit yourself to doing something that will
bring out the best in you.

A wholesome self-discipline takes many forms, from sleeping regular hours to

working regularly to exercising regularly, and has a cumulative, strengthening effect.
Since it comes from yourself, a healthy self-discipline is not contrary to your freedom
or individuality. On the other hand, sensuality, excessive sexual experiences, alcohol,
drugs, sleep, or fantasizing have a debilitating effect on you, as you already know.
Therefore, practice healthy self-discipline and stay with it.

Avoid lengthy conversations in your imagination, particularly if they are negative,

resentful, or even excessively romantic. These conversations are essentially unreal
and at best only rehearsals for actionalthough, as you know, you almost never say
or do what you imagine you will. Instead of spending time imagining your life and
relationships, begin to live them.

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Type 4. Romantic

The Romantic (the Four)

Romantics have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive.
How to Get Along with Me

Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me.

Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself.

Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.

Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I

sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.

Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting!

What I Like About Being a Four

my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level

my ability to establish warm connections with people

admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life

my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor

being unique and being seen as unique by others

having aesthetic sensibilities

being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me

What's Hard About Being a Four

experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair

feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved

feeling guilty when I disappoint people

feeling hurt or attacked when someone misundertands me

expecting too much from myself and life

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fearing being abandoned

obsessing over resentments

longing for what I don't have

Fours as Children Often

have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in

original game s

are very sensitive

feel that they don't fit in

believe they are missing something that other people have

attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc.

become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood

feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents'

divorce)

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Fours as Parents

help their children become who they really are

support their children's creativity and originality

are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings

are sometimes overly critical or overly protective

are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed

Dynamics of Type 4: Romantic

World View: Something's missing. Others have it. I'm different from them because I don't.
Basic Desire: to understand self
Basic Fear: of being defective

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Healthy loop controlled by Basic Desire:

Need for self-understanding -> examine self -> understand themselves -> Need for selfunderstanding
In the healthy state, the need for self-understanding induces Type Fours to allow their
emotions to surface and examine these emotions in order to understand themselves.
When Fours achieve self-understanding, their need is satisfied and a balance is reached.
In the average state, when Fours' do not examine closely their emotions, they start to not
understand themselves. This increases the need for self-understanding, which helps
Fours to again examine themselves. Thus the balancing loop can help Fours to recover.

Unhealthy loop controlled by Basic Fear:

Fear of being defective -> indulge in fantasy -> understand themselves -> Fear of being
defective
In the unhealthy state, the basic fear of being defective can cause Type Fours to ignore
their true selves, allow their emotions to overwhelm them, and indulge in wild fantasy
about themselves. This means they will understand themselves even less, and further
increases Fours' basic fear. The cycle continues to build up.

Insight:

We can see from the diagram that a way to help break the control of the basic fear is to
weaken the unhealthy loop. Fours can refrain from indulging in fantasy and start
examining themselves. This will help Fours to understand themselves, and reduce the
fear of being defective.

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