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About AstroFix
I'm Michelle and I write AstroFix. I have an Aries Sun, Leo Moon, and
Virgo rising. Read more ...
Neptune/IC Aspects
David5379
For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin-real life. But there
was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some
unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin.
At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.
Alfred DSouzai dunno if this guy has a saturn chiron aspect, but the quote is fitting
http://astrofix.net/ Michelle
I love it, David 5379. That quote is perfect!
David5379
I know, its THE saturn lesson ha
Iago
Wow, this was amazing, perfect quote indeed. This was so enlightening thank you
for posting it.
mary beth
wow. for me and for so many i know, wow. quite telling for what i would imagine is a
very large group of people. as usual, a profound posting.
http://astrofix.net/ Michelle
Thank you for commenting, mary beth. Is there anything in particular that stuck out
for you?
mary beth
it seemed to me as i read through the phrases, paragraph by paragraph, that it
defined the mentality of at least 2 generations of americans and at least 1 if not 2
generations of western europeans. i have lived abroad in what is now eastern europe
for quite some time and over the course of the last decade, they too seem to be
percolating into the behaviours & attitudes that these mindsets can cause.
it just struck me that these aspects have been sweeping across the planet, across
people groups, and some but not too many will find relief through the
current movements of uranus and pluto. i think the affects of the saturn/chiron
aspects are still building into the conscious mind of societies, assisted by harsh
realities on the ground. these are deeply rooted symptoms and will seem by so
many to be impossible to fix.
http://astrofix.net/2011/10/22/saturnchiron-aspects/
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http://www.earthwindfireflow.blogspot.com/ MsFullroller
Michelle with this post and the Neptune/IC post you have made me realize just how
much I dont know my father from my father, if ya know what I mean. The sad
part is that he was in the house and married to my mother until his death in 1998. All
that I know is from my mother.
Another thing thats ch-ironic is that I was given a Tarot reading a few months ago
that mentioned my Dad was held back in some way which in my mind reinforced a
wounding of some kind. Oh boy, I just thought of this. Dad (Saturn) talked to me
very rarely (Saturn is in front of and pretty tightly conjunct Mercury retrograde and
Chiron, all in Pisces). Pallas in Pisces is conjunct as well. I got the impression of a
wounding and that I was the reason he could not do what he really wanted to do in
life even though he did not communicate this directly to me. Im sure thats the
Neptune/Pisces influence. There are other things that went on during childhood and
after his death that make me feel this way. I also feel like Saturn is representative
of my Mom as well because of many of the things listed in this post like :
Fears of being in a position of authority,
yet wanting to be an authority on something. Feeling that people dont
take you seriously, yet taking yourself very seriously. Having trouble
earning respect..Keeping yourself in line. Not needing to be disciplined because you
discipline yourself. Keeping yourself on task. Having an internal
disciplinarian..Fear of getting it wrong. Feeling that you are always wrong. Trying to
heal the incessant negative voice within. Learning how to stop the
litany of self-defeating messages that you send yourself. Being your own
cruel mistress..
In recent years Ive realized that the key for me to heal is to deal with these issues.
I know I will be reading this one many times over and going back to the previous
posts in the Chiron series with a fresh view.
Definitely looking forward to the other posts in this series and the IC/Midheaven
series as well.
billow
I read something once about fear of exceeding the father figure. It was talked
about in connection with past religious life in service to the Male Heavenly Father
thing.
The moody disciplinarian father still flairs up and sends me into a panic around certain
personalities. And no he wasnt big on intimate sharing, so that other thing is the
dominant memory from childhood. Even though we had a chance to do some of
that healin thang at the end of his life, I still jump sometimes. You are right though
about the inner disciplinarian, its the strength of his growl, so it can turn into a
positive force if I own it for myself. The strength, not so much the growl. Its a
powerful thing, and not to be misused in my book.
And yes, his life wasnt what he idealized for himself, but it was a pretty darn good
life, even though it was fraught with the early death of his mother when he was 14,
which cut off his education when he was kept home to work on the farm, which
eventually held him back career wise. The deaths of his children really took a toll on
him, too. Thats when he broke down and expressed his love, when his children
were in pain. I remember when my sister needed surgery. Shes kind of a baby
anyway so she was all end of the world about it. He told her he would do it for her if
he could. I know he meant it. So it was all in him somewhere, it just came out as
http://astrofix.net/2011/10/22/saturnchiron-aspects/
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anger much of the time. But he was NN Cap, he had a job to do. Too bad about
that cancer stellum.
http://astrofix.net/ Michelle
Thats a good point. There could be fears about overshadowing, or surpassing your
parents (especially dad).
Sounds like your dad was gentle person inside and the world was forcing him into
Capricorn north node role..
billow
He was a dashing young man in moms old photo albums. But when I was cleaning
out the parents effects as they call them, I found a formal photo (everyone in their
sunday-go-to-meeting clothes). He looked adolescent and I couldnt bear to look at
those eyes. A picture tells a thousand words. I gave it to my sister for the
archives. Id rather remember the light in those eyes at the end.
http://www.earthwindfireflow.blogspot.com/ MsFullroller
My Dads Chiron was in Cancer conjunct Venus with Mars. His NN was Libra.
I was told his mother died when he was young but I dont know how old he was. He
met my mother when she was 11 I think and grew close to her mom a few years
after they started dating. My grandmom found out that my Dad was living in a
burned out building with little to eat so she made sure he had at least 2 hot meals a
day. I dont know why because no one in his family talked about it, but I think he
did it so that his 2 younger siblings and the older siblings would have more. It may
have been that his father put him out, I just dont know. Dads oldest sister was
responsible for raising them (7 kids) while she was just a teenager I think. What little
I do know is that he had a hard life as a kid but did not resort to crime or anything
like that.
This makes it hard to understand his behavior towards his me, his only child, with the
planets he had in Cancer. But when I look at his Libra NN as you guys have
mentioned the NN, it starts to make a bit more sense. Though, it does not help the
hurt and anger in my heart because it makes me feel like his relationships were more
important than his child. Not one letter while I was in the military8 years yall and I
was in during Desert Storm I, coming quite close to going to Kuwait. I was sent to
Turkey/Northern Iraq instead. Not one visit to my apartment after they moved to
where I live now. Not one call to see if I was OK or needed anything. I did not
realize any of this until right now.
LB
It makes me sad to read this, MsFullroller. Maybe because your dads childhood
experiences deprived him of some of the basic emotional and physical nurturing that
children need, he remained locked in survival mode. In trying to meet his own core
emotional needs, he lost sight of how precious and complex you were and instead
acted out the same behaviors he received as a child. Maybe he thought providing
you with shelter and food was enough, and more than he ever got, which doesnt
justify it or make it any less hurtful.
I hope you can forgive him. After my dad died, I talked to him all the time and
often told him how sorry I was that he never got the nurturing and encouragement
he really needed as a child I thanked him for what he was able to give and forgave
him for what he wasnt, without denying the harm it caused me at the time. It
helped me to heal.
http://www.earthwindfireflow.blogspot.com/ MsFullroller
Maybe he thought providing you with shelter and food was enough, and more
http://astrofix.net/2011/10/22/saturnchiron-aspects/
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http://www.earthwindfireflow.blogspot.com/ MsFullroller
To add and keep this somewhat on topic, when that unspeakable event happened
at 13, Saturn was transiting the 12th just past my Moon and not far from crossing
the Ascendant. Pluto was opposing my Sun/Mars conjunction in the 8th, specifically
Mars. Neptune was transiting the 4th. It was not in my ability or in my survival
interest to deal with that and all the other crap that happened in the 5 years after.
So I buried it deep inside as if it never happeneduntil 28+ years later when Saturn
was again in the 12th, and now Pluto transiting the 4th. All of these memories and
the newer ones taking place as an adult that I buried as well, started bubbling up like
a semi inactive volcano that got active again. No more putting a lid on it Pluto
says. Face it because it has driven how youve acted and the decisions you made
that were not in your best interest in the past.
LB
Im so sorry, MsFullroller. Not *for you*, but I do empathize and am sorry its a
source of unresolved pain. Youre right, there are some things children should
never have to deal with. Its good the lid has come off maybe you need to allow
yourself time to grieve for what it was that you lost.
I still hope you can eventually forgive him when you forgive, you release yourself.
http://www.earthwindfireflow.blogspot.com/ MsFullroller
Thank you LB and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Yes, Im sure Ill get
to that point where I can completely forgive him because as I learn about myself
the pain grows smaller and forgiveness grows bigger. I hope that Michelle does
not mind but your long comments (takes one to know one right lol ) have been
instrumental in this process. One of the many reasons Im looking forward to the
Uranus transit of the 8th and my Chiron return. Watch out 50 cuz here I come,
bold, confident and fly!! LOL
LB
. . . takes one to know one . . . My comments are still longer than yours.
http://www.earthwindfireflow.blogspot.com/ MsFullroller
LOL! Saturn makes me edit mine down.
http://astrofix.net/ Michelle
Long periods of hearing nothing it makes you wonder. What is his 5th house like?
http://www.earthwindfireflow.blogspot.com/ MsFullroller
That is a mystery as I do not know his birth time. Birth times back then were not
recorded on birth certificates for births here. Also It was very rare esp when my
maternal grandmother was born if you even got a birth certificate. Thats why no
one knows her real birth date.
http://astrofix.net/2011/10/22/saturnchiron-aspects/
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LB
My dad had Chiron in the 5th, exactly quincunx his 1st house Saturn, which was also
conjunct his Sun, Venus, and most likely his Ascendant, all in Scorpio. Chiron also
trined his Neptune (in the 9th, conjunct the MC), making it easy for him to escape
through alcohol.
But he was also a very strong swimmer and as I said before, heroic, although he
never saw himself that way, which was ironic considering how narcissistic he could be.
His efforts saved lives when the naval vessel he served on during the Korean War
was hit by a passing ship and quickly sank.
http://www.earthwindfireflow.blogspot.com/ MsFullroller
Im confused as to why there might be a 5th house connection?
http://astrofix.net/ Michelle
The 5th house would show his attitude toward his children.
http://www.earthwindfireflow.blogspot.com/ MsFullroller
OK.
billow
Perhaps, your father had no idea what a parent was supposed to be.
http://astrofix.net/ Michelle
Do you have a Saturn/Moon aspect?
Are there other family members that you can ask about your dad?
Its a little crazy how early events and relationships can cast such a long shadow
over many later years of life, isnt it? Sometimes I get tired of dredging up all the
family stuff by writing about it in these posts, but its almost always relevant. By
unraveling the past you create a straighter path into the future.
http://www.earthwindfireflow.blogspot.com/ MsFullroller
Yes. Its a Saturn/Moon quincunx. Saturn also semi-sextiles Venus with Venus
opposing the Moon.
Yes there are. All except for his oldest sister are not in town and I dont have any
contact with them especially after Dads passing.
It really is crazy but please dont get tired of bringing it up because as you said it is
relevant. Dont know about you but its been like some of the weeds in my garden.
When I first started gardening, Id wack them off above ground foolishly thinking
that Id gotten rid of them only for them to emerge again above ground when the
season is right. To deal with weeds like that, one has to dig them out by the root
since the most persistent ones usually have a very long, strong taproot that goes
waaay down underground. And you gotta make sure you get out all the root,
otherwise here it comes againcertainly not to save the day! lol So, I totally agree
that by knowing your past you can have a better future and really feel that its
imperative for me. Dads Sun conjuncts my Taurus NN by 2 degrees, his Mercury
by 13 minutes and his Uranus by 4 degrees. My progressed Sun is within 11 minutes
of exact conjunction of my NN.
Im also seeing how this has/is playing out in my relationships with others and my
relationship to self. Again the signifying the importance of not knowing ones past
makes one doomed to repeat itespecially the bad stuff.
http://astrofix.net/ Michelle
http://astrofix.net/2011/10/22/saturnchiron-aspects/
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I guess that lately Im feeling like I want to move on from certain things Ive been
mulling over from the past. Im ready for the future for a while.
billow
Hear Hear! or is it Here Here!
http://www.earthwindfireflow.blogspot.com/ MsFullroller
I hear ya! I too am ready to move forward but Im tired of doing the 2 step
forward, 10 steps backward dance because of actions taken that were based on not
knowing who the heck I am. If that makes any sense. To put it another way, Ive
already made the same mistakes twice and Im sick of going to summer school. lol
http://astrofix.net/ Michelle
I feel like Im entering a bit of an identity crisis phase; its right on time too with
Uranus getting ready to conjunct my planets in Aries and Pluto ready to square
them. Im a bit lost right now, not being in a relationship for the first time in over a
decade, but I feel excited to look forward rather than looking backward.
http://youtu.be/THD_vY2-AXA
billow
I learned a new phrase at school last week. Self concept. I didnt know I was
supposed to have one. I think the textbook suggestion has persuading me into
building one. Is that appropo for a 1st house saturn?
http://astrofix.net/ Michelle
Thats great for a first house Saturn.
Self-concept Im going to be working on mine, actually, I am working on mine.
billow
Golly, those gen ed classses arent a complete waste of time. ; )
Im getting better at shooing off those that self negate me. The trip back through
bio unit land was a nightmare. It goes back to being less so they could feel like they
were more. Who am I to argue with the depraved morally superior ones. I would
hate to become that rigid and fragile.
http://www.earthwindfireflow.blogspot.com/ MsFullroller
From what Ive read about a 1st house Saturn transit, that is exactly the lesson to
be learned.
http://astrofix.net/ Michelle
Redefining the path youre going to pursue for the next 28 years till Saturn crosses
your ascendant again.
billow
Thanks you two for the nod on 1st house saturn. I think I can work with this. Ive
travelled many avenues, fought many battles, and taken countless flights of
fantasy. But underneath it all (saturn in scorpio), Im still the same person. Like I
said I can work with this understanding. Much thanks.
LB
I had to reread this post several times, then sit with it before commenting. Even
now Im not sure Im done processing. Your interpretation is unique, Michelle. And
very thought-provoking.
My 4th house Saturn sextiles my 6th house Chiron, and Ive definitely internalized
http://astrofix.net/2011/10/22/saturnchiron-aspects/
9 / 14
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the voices of both parents, but particularly the voice of my father, only because his
voice was much louder and more constant. Everything I did was picked apart, and
most of his communications with me were in the form of severe criticisms and putdowns; after a while, what he said didnt have much meaning because I learned no
matter how well I did something (with a few notable exceptions), he still found fault.
It was never about me; really, he was yelling at himself. Although I never bought
into his manipulations, I did feel sorry because I saw glimpses of how much more he
couldve been. He was heroic at times.
My mothers criticisms affected me too, only it was her unspoken disappointment in
me that affected me the most because I so wanted to please her. Having an
internal disciplinarian. and Not needing to be disciplined because you discipline
yourself. pretty much sum it up. I am my own cruel mistress. The plus side of all
this is that Im naturally responsible and was always there for my parents as they
aged. Towards the end of their lives, both of them pretty much depended on me. I
dont blame them at all for that, even if the responsibilities did overwhelm me at
times.
Interestingly, both my parents had their Chiron in Aries, and both had a challenging
natal Saturn/Chiron aspect; my moms 8th house Chiron was conjunct my 8th house
South Node (opposite my natal Venus/NN), and my dads was conjunct my 8th
house BM Lilith/Sedna and opposite my Sun. My dad internalized a message against
knowing his more spiritual, vulnerable side and instead developed a false sense of
power gained through physical and intellectual strength. Then when that tactic failed
to work, he drank in an attempt to drown out his demons and keep his depression at
bay. My mom, on the other hand (who was the only sibling to be raised by her
grandmother), internalized the unspoken prohibition in her family against seeing the
truth, and frequently used denial and illusion to avoid dealing with the pain of not
feeling as if she really mattered her Chiron opposed her 2nd house Saturn, so she
tried hard to earn her worth while maintaining her ideal family fantasy.
So along with the added responsibilities my placements have brought, I suppose a
greater part of my challenge has been to see things as they are and to accept my
vulnerabilities without feeling less-than for having them.
http://www.earthwindfireflow.blogspot.com/ MsFullroller
Again, the similarities are numerous between us except the internalized disciplinary
voice was/is that of my mother backed by my father. They both drank alcohol.
Most of the time Dad would not come home until the next morning after hed been
drinking. So my mother would be at home drinking and make me stay up with her
while venting her anger. I was not spared her critical put down arrows either. Thank
goodness this mostly took place on Fridays and Saturdays.
http://www.earthwindfireflow.blogspot.com/ MsFullroller
Again, the similarities are numerous between us except the internalized disciplinary
voice was/is that of my mother backed by my father. They both drank alcohol.
Most of the time Dad would not come home until the next morning after hed been
drinking. So my mother would be at home drinking and make me stay up with her
while venting her anger. I was not spared her critical put down arrows either. Thank
goodness this mostly took place on Fridays and Saturdays.
LB
I was also my moms confidant and consoler (my Moon/Neptune square again), and
she was my fathers angry enabler; she wasnt much of a drinker though, thank
http://astrofix.net/2011/10/22/saturnchiron-aspects/
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God. My dad usually traveled during the week, so like in your household, it was
weekends when things got really tough. One of the worst things my mom used to
say to me was Youre just like your father. OUCH! It was much easier for her
to make me the scapegoat than it was for her to acknowledge the role she played in
the mess her life had become.
http://www.earthwindfireflow.blogspot.com/ MsFullroller
One of the worst things my mom used to say to me was Youre just like your
father.
That statement from other people is where the green eyed monster was awakened
in my mother. Not to mention I look a lot like him as well.
http://astrofix.net/ Michelle
It was was never about me; really, he was yelling at himself.
Such a great way to look at it.
I dont know if you feel this way, but as I get older I feel less and less of a
child/parent divide. It gets easier to see things from my parents point of view and to
understand that theyre just people doing the best the can.
LB
As sometimes happens, I found that as we all got older, I began to take on a
more parental role with my aging parents. When I was younger, my mom and I
would alternate roles sometimes Id mother her and sometimes shed mother me
I know what you mean though, in that it did allow me to see her as a unique
individual.
As far as parents (or people in general) doing the best they can well, sometimes
they are and sometimes theyre not. I think its pretty easy for people to choose
the path of least resistance and then justify their behaviors with a variety of
excuses. Thats kind of how our world is set up.
http://www.earthwindfireflow.blogspot.com/ MsFullroller
As far as parents (or people in general) doing the best they can well,
sometimes they are and sometimes theyre not. I think its pretty easy
for people to choose the path of least resistance and then justify
their behaviors with a variety of excuses
Exactly. As I said earlier there are things that should not be done or said to any
child.
11 / 14
3/4/2015
http://astrofix.net/ Michelle
Which Saturn/Chiron aspect do you have?
firechild
Thank you for posting this and for all of your work on Chiron aspects &
interpretations. They are extremely helpful to me.
Ive studied astrology for many years after being lucky enough to grow up in a
house full of astrology, tarot, and occult-related books. I started reading Liz Greene
as a teenager, and her work changed my life! I could see the truth of astrology at
work in life when I began examining the charts of my friends and family. Ive spent
far more time studying the charts of others and of world events/countries then I
have looking at my own. I think that is because until now Ive always felt that
something was missing from my own chart, or that I just could not read it correctly
as it never made sense to me. The major aspect I have is a tight double grand trine
in fire involving my Sun, Moon, and the late 1980s Uranus-Saturn conjunction in
Sagittarius. But the overall picture of a rosy childhood and easy gifts gone to waste
just does not apply to me and it has been frustrating reading grand trine descriptions
at every turn that are not reflective of my own life.
However, I recently decided to examine Chirons role in my chart and at last
everything makes sense. I have 2 T-squares with Chiron. Saturn-Uranus in my 11th
opposes Chiron in Gemini in my 4th, and both square Venus and Mercury conjunct in
Pisces in my 1st house. Theyre all aspecting each other within a 10 degree orb, but
they also group into 2 separate tighter t-squaresUranus-Mercury-Chiron and
Saturn-Venus-Chiron.
With the difficult Chiron aspects included, and their house placements, suddenly my
whole chart makes sense. The Chiron 4th house opposition to Saturn in the 11th
makes particular sense. I was born into a new age religious group, where my
parents also met (11th house). But my father abandoned my mother and I before I
was born, refused to support us financially in anyway, and then for many years
menaced us from a distance (his bizarre threats of kidnapping were made very real
by the fact he had kidnapped my older half-sibling many years before). His cruelty
towards us still defies my understanding; he refused to help us even when my
mother was fell extremely ill and nearly died before I was a year old. Instead, friends
of hers cared for me while she was in the hospital. I also nearly died at birth but he
was unmoved by that too. My father himself died when I was a teenager, in a
foreign country, before I ever met him. My mother was wonderful, but I grew up
very poor and in often challenging circumstances brought about by my fathers
absence, lack of support, and unwelcome harassment. Chiron in the 4th house, and
in opposition to Saturn, makes such total and utter sense in my life that it blows my
mind! His erratic behavior/the new religious group we were a part of (Uranus) and
the effect his abandonment had on my early relationships (Venus in the 1st) are also
very clear.I definitely feel that in order to make up for my fathers absence and the
often difficult/dangerous circumstances my mother and I found ourselves in when I
was a child, I internalized a fatherly sense of discipline to compensate for his total
absence. > Extremely rigid and formal behaviors to deflect attention from deep
sensitivity. Having a rigid internal voice of authority. Keeping yourself in line. Not
needing to be disciplined because you discipline yourself. Keeping yourself on task.
Having an internal disciplinarian. Having an internal authority. Internalizing the voice of
your father. All of that applies to me keenly and describes many of the problems
Ive had with a fear of taking risks and deep anxiety about disappointing others or
http://astrofix.net/2011/10/22/saturnchiron-aspects/
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3/4/2015
not obeying the rules.I also feel better about my grand trine, and see it as a kind
of lucky charm that helped me when I was in dangerous circumstances throughout
my childhood.Im still teasing out how the Mercury-Chiron-Uranus t-square is at play
in my chart, but your descriptions have been a revelation and so helpful.Thank you
again for this site and for your posts.
firechild
PS- I am also an Aries Sun/Leo Moon.
Aquarius rising.
http://astrofix.net/ Michelle
Awesome
http://www.ceraisis.net/ msfullroller
*wavin Hi! Im a Aries Sun/Leo Moon too w/Uranus rising in Virgo.
http://astrofix.net/ Michelle
Thank you for sharing your incredible experiences, firechild.
Outerplanets
I also think that the chiron aspects in my chart make my chart complete and
chiron is in gemini in 6th house, aspects with: moon, mercury, venus, uranus,
saturn, neptune and midheaven I read about all aspects with chiron and i`m really
amazed, everything make sense to me now. its like a new level of understanding
my self. I also have chiron square lilithi couldnt find what this aspect means
http://astrofix.net/ AstroFix
Im going to be writing about Chiron/Lilith aspects shortly.
bearinthewoods
i just stumbled across this as Im new to my chiron aspects.
all of it is absolutely spot on. stunned.
http://astrofix.net/ AstroFix
Super, bearinthewoods. Which Saturn/Chiron aspect do you have?
James
Love this site -funny, but only now am I finally trying to understand some of these
aspects Ive Chiron conjunct Saturn retrograde in Pisces 4th -this is opposite Pluto
conjunct Uranus in 10th This Saturn/Chiron aspect is also trine the Ascendant and
Neptune (both Scorpio) lot going on here!
http://astrofix.net/ AstroFix
Despite the photo what do you do for a living?
Gabriel
I have Saturn in Cancer(7th) square Chiron in Aries(4th), also I noticed Chiron at 17
Pisces is currently trining my natal Saturn(18degrees) . I do come from a single
mother childhood with a series of boyfriends and ex-husbands serving as unwilling
father figures, most of whom basically resented the fact I existed at all. I have in
my life most severely internalized the negative, disapproving voice of the inner
father/superego, and most of what I read here could very accurately and honestly
be applied directly to my personal biography.
http://astrofix.net/ AstroFix
Sorry, Gabriel. Dont let it make your feelings crystallize.
http://astrofix.net/2011/10/22/saturnchiron-aspects/
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http://astrofix.net/2011/10/22/saturnchiron-aspects/
3/4/2015
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