Sunday Message – Holistic Healing 07

29/07/07
<1 Corinthians 7:17-39; Genesis 2:19-3:7>

SPOUSAL HEALING, LIFE OF BLISSFULNESS

• The most blessed interpersonal relationship is the ability to restore the relationship of self
• Only then, will he be able to love all people and bless those who are not so adorable
• All men are victims themselves. Thus, Jesus Christ said, “what they did, they do not know”
• It is all right that we are not perfect because God didn’t come to save those who are perfect
• We need not be afraid of having enemies. We need to reconcile with all people
• Of all the interpersonal relationships, the most important one is spousal relationship
• Spousal relationship is about marriage and the love for one another
• Everyone has different problems. Married couples will have marital problems. People who are
single will have their problems. Those who are in love will also have relationship problems
• A lot of people could not find an answer in relationship problems, and ended up not able to
reconcile with God
• We must be open-minded when facing relationship problems and situation.
• Is a blissful and complete family all about getting married, having children and being free from
financial problems only?
• Is it true that a divorcee cannot have a complete family? Not necessary so.
• Is it true that being single equals to not being complete? Not necessary so.
• We must see what the word of God says and not rely on our own perspective to judge the matter
of marriage or being in love
• We must be open minded so that we are able to see God’s perfect will

Read <1Corinthians 7:17-39>

• v17 Are we willing to accept what God has assigned to us?
• v20 This is the principle of God
• v31 Are we happy just because we have a boyfriend, or a husband, or are very rich? No
matter what relationship situation we are in right now, it is only there for at most 70 or 80 years.
Everything will fade off eventually

1. God’s determined perspective for relationship: marriage, single, courtship, divorce <1Cor 7:1-39>
1) The most critical principle: the God who loves me prepares it for me
→ It contains boundless blessings and will glorify God the most
• Married couple will have marital problems. Some people might have experienced failed
relationship during courtship, once or repeatedly. Singles have their own difficulties too
• So what is the conclusion we must get from the Bible? Our days on earth are short, at
most 70 or 80yrs. Thus, our focus should not be on people Do not always think about who
we must get married to, etc
• God’s desire is not for us to receive hurts or setback from relationships, during our limited
period of stay on earth
• Therefore, God is not restrictive in this area. However, He did openly tell us His principle.
Though God can put up with our limitation and weakness, He might also permit
unpleasing things to happen. No matter what, God’s perfect will is in all these situations
• People, who always proclaim that they will remain single or they will get married, did so
as a result of past hurts. It is most important for us to know what God, who loves us, has
prepared for us. Am I prepared to accept whatever God has prepared for me?
• Our marriage / BGR / single-hood will not be blissful if we don’t have the desire to accept
what God, who loves us, has prepared for us
 • We cannot allow Satan to manipulate us. A spiritual person is able to be victorious over
matters of the heart
• For the married couples, our focus cannot be on our spouse alone. No matter whether the
spouse still loves us or not, or whether have they left this world before us, we can still be
joyful simply because God still loves us the most
• This is the most fundamental principle because God is the Lord of marriage. We should
accept it
• Even for the divorcees; they should accept everything that God has prepared for them
• The things that God has prepared for us will enable two things. First of all, it will enable us
to be most blissful. Secondly, it can glorify God the most

2) Act according to what the Lord has assigned for us currently

→ God’s absolute plan is in the current situation. Blissfulness is now! God’s filling is in my
current situation
• A lot of people will ask God, what is it that He has prepared for us? God tells us not to
worry about that. All we need to do is to act according to what He has assigned for us
• God has prepared the best situation for us. Thus, we need not try changing it
• Those who are married should live like one. Husbands should not neglect their wives.
And wives should not behave as if they have no husbands
• Those in courtship must discover the method of courtship that can glorify God most
• Those who are single must find a lifestyle which is most enriching, free and meaningful
• We must live up to God’s calling and perfect will in our current situation instead of
changing anything. E.g. those who are single shouldn’t be always worrying over when he/
she can find a partner. And those who are married shouldn’t think of getting a divorce
• If God really wants us to have a partner, there’s no way we can avoid it. God will definitely
give us a partner, if having a partner means a blissful life for us and can glorify God
• If we feel that our current situation is not ideal, that is already not God’s idea. God’s work
is taking place now. Thus, the situation we are in is already the most ideal and successful
• Those who acquire this mystery are already the most victorious, blissful and successful
• God is continuously looking for such people
• We must first accept what God has prepared for us. We have the best in the current
situation

3) But since the days are short, those who have wives should live as if they didn’t have one
→ The meaning and blissfulness of marriage is to complement God’s purpose to “glorify God,
bless people and build God’s kingdom”. Marriage is not to replace this purpose
• Paul said that our days are short. Thus, we must know the roles that God has given us
• Therefore, even if we have wives, we must live as if we don’t have. Our family is not there
to replace God’s kingdom
• Some people are bound by their families all their lives. All the events in their families are
binding them
• We shouldn’t be suffering even when something has gone wrong in the relationship
• God doesn’t want us to be bound
• For God’s kingdom; even though the Pastor has a family and 3 toddlers, his family has to
make some adjustment whenever he needs to go abroad for mission work
• If we aren’t able to know God’s plan in a marriage, that marriage is meaningless
• Otherwise, marriage would only cause people to be wearisome and bring forth a lot of
problems
• For the sake of the Gospel, sometimes there may be even a need for a short separation
• Sometimes, God might want us to make some sacrifices or adjustment. The true love of
marriage comes from this
 4) With all these principles, Paul showed us the example of how to enjoy all these blessings to
the fullest: being single
→ Being single is the way a person can be freed from marital problems and serve the Lord
wholeheartedly
→ However Paul “is saying this for your own good, not to restrict you”
• Who says that being single is no good? Paul says, it isn’t no good at all
• A married person is always worrying for his / her family
• Those who really wish to remain single willingly is even more blessed
• God understands our needs and He has compassion on us. However, God is still a
righteous God. Thus, He will still tell us His desire

5) Thus, the conclusion is: the blessedness (blissfulness and rewards) of those who remain
single for the Lord far exceeds those who got married
→ Therefore, if this is what God has prepared, there isn’t any wrong for getting married. You
have done the right thing
→ However, if God has prepared and you are also willing to do it for God, then you have done a
better thing to remain single
• It is all right for two people to get married when the time is right
• If after hearing what Paul has said, a person chooses to remain single in order to get
closer to God, he is ever more blessed. Such a person will receive more blissfulness and
gifts than those who are married
• The only condition for a unmarried person to remain single is “must be done for the Lord”
• It is not for the purpose of having freedom or able to know more people of the opposite
gender that we want to remain single

6) Under all these principles, the advice Paul has for the widows (or divorcees) is: remain single
→ Even if there’s a possibility of remarriage, let God prepare (must be done by God, must be
passive). Do not find a partner for yourself
• Those whose spouse has died; the Bible says, the best is not to remarry
• Everyone will have a different reason for divorcing. If possible, a divorcee should try to
restore the marriage. If it’s not possible, then it’s best not to remarry
• However, if it’s God’s will for a divorcee to have another relationship, let God brings the
person to you. You must be absolutely passive in this
• Each of us has different spiritual levels, different personalities and different weaknesses.
Thus, God will not force us to do something. He will have compassion on us
• We will only know what to do after we have heard the voice of God, who loves us
• This era is corrupted. Therefore, a lot of people change their hearts easily

Read <Genesis 2:19-3:7>

• v19 God has a mission for men
• v22 They are actually one in the body. Both are created by God’s word and the woman comes
out from the man
• Why is it that God has prepared for Adam, Eve and not any other animals? Because, God
determined this to be so
• V4-6 Where is Adam when the serpent tempts Eve? If fact, Adam is with her but both were
tempted together
• V7 They shut themselves out from each other

• All other relationships have separate bodies. Only spousal relationship is one flesh
• Satan is most fearful that a couple will co-work with a unified heart. Therefore, the first relationship
he attacks is the spousal relationship
• All the problems we face are there to attack the spousal relationship. When a family faces poverty,
if a child is sick or the husband faces setbacks at work, the family will surely be affected
• In fact, a married couple is the centreof all relationships. If this relationship is broken, all other
things will be affected
• No matter what difficulties or setbacks w face, as long as two persons are to maintain a unified
vision, perspective, and determination, we can still be joyful and blissful
• On the other hand, no matter how successful a person is, if he cannot share the result or joy with
his spouse, the things that follow will not be good. They will separate soon
• If either one of the couple has problem, the problem will surely be passed on to the children and
the church
• On the other hand, since they are one flesh, as long as one of them receive the great power of
the Gospel, the outcome will be very different
• After a person has received grace, he will meet “bees” and not “houseflies”

2. The absolute reason why God wants me to start a relationship or family <Gen 2:19-3:7>
1) The most important reason why two persons get married: because God has arranged it (the
assurance of marriage)
→ The foundation of marriage comes from the assurance of marriage
→ The marital vow taken by the two represents that they acknowledge God’s arrangement. After
that, they must discover the evidences that follow this assurance, for the rest of their lives
• Before a couple gets married, we must ask them “why do you want to get married?” The
most beautiful answer should be “because God has arranged it”. Indeed, from among
tens of thousands people, it is arranged by the Lord of marriage for two person to know
each other and to tie the knot. During the period of courtship, as long as something goes
wrong, or has changed, two people will not get married anymore
• After marriage, a couple must continue to discover God’s love. And they must also
continue to discover how others and the church are blessed through them
• Marriage is established by God. It is not found or snatched by man
• If a couple doesn’t know the Lord of marriage, they will feel regretful after getting married
• The foundation of marriage comes from the assurance of marriage. Marriage is arranged
by God. This is the true vow
• The vow taken during matrimony is done on the surface. How many people will still love
their spouse if their marriage is broken?
• In fact, the vow taken in the presence of people is directed at God. It is like telling God, “I
am willing to love this woman whom you (God) have prepared for me”. God is our
guarantor
• When we quarrel and feel like wanting a divorce, we must first see that the marriage was
arranged by God. Therefore, how can a person separate it so easily?

2) Two become one to submit and complement God’s great commission for us to glorify God,
bless people and build God’s kingdom (the purpose of marriage)
→ Therefore, within the relationship of two people lies God’s important plan
→ It doesn’t matter how the status of the marriage is now; as long as one continues to walk in
the direction of God, everything will be fine
• Two person should not come together for the purpose of having worldly success or
having well-behaved children
• If a believer couple marry because of this, they will cause many people to fall and they
will have descendents who won’t believe in God
 • Two persons come together to complement God’s purpose. It is only in the purpose of
God’s kingdom that two person can love deeply / beautifully and not for having each
other’s body
• A couple should have disagreement if both of them don’t love God. If not, the more they
live blissfully, the more they will deceive God, His spirit and oppose the Saints
• If two persons have not restore this purpose, it is better for them to get married later
• Getting married is not just a matter involving two persons. It involves their relatives and
friends as well
• Some people may ask, “Why Christians cannot be together with non-Christians”? It is not
a question of whether they can be together or not. One must ask, “What is my life-goal”?
• If we are very clear of our life’s goals in Jesus Christ and His kingdom, as well as know
the reason for marriage, our perspective and requirement for a partner will also be
changed
• If a sister meets a guy who is after her, possesses rather good conditions but doesn’t
believe in God; will she feel very blissful and secure being with him?
• Some people may say that there are examples of partners that do not know God initially,
but come to know God and even serve the Lord eventually
• These couples do not know God when they come together. Therefore, God has protected
them with His grace
• For us, we have already heard and understood the disadvantages and struggles for a
believer to be with a non-believer. God’s grace and protection have already been
displayed to us through His word. Therefore, we have a responsibility
• Those who don’t understand have to pay a small price when they disobey. But those who
have already understood have to pay a bigger price when they disobey
• If those, who are already together with a non-believing partner, are willing to turn to God
and to pray for their partner all their lives, God’s compassion will still come upon them
• If a brother / sister has been living blissfully with a non-believing spouse and thus tells
others that it is all right for believers to be with non-believers; they have caused others to
fall. Thus, they have sinned greatly

3) God calls two people together to be a couple to heal them (the test of marriage)
• God calls an imperfect man to come together with an imperfect woman to fix (heal) them.
We must perceive this in two areas:
(1) Personal Healing
• We have some bad habits, tempers, personalities that we simply won’t change
despite how our parents have asked us to change. However, God can use the person
whom we love, or the children whom we give birth to, to change us
• Therefore, blessed is he who is willing to change after marriage. His marriage is
blessed too
• When will a problematic marriage be restored? The marriage will turn better when
both of them realize that both are at fault and both are deceived by Satan
• A lot of times, when a marriage has problem, both party are not able to quiet down to
ponder where the actual problem lies
• The Serpent’s work is to cause a couple to push the blame to each other. Therefore,
when a couple quarrels and start blaming each other, they are helping Satan
• The Bible says, “wives must submit to their husbands”. This verse is meant for the
wives. Therefore, husbands should not use this verse against their wives. Likewise,
wives should not use those verses meant for husbands against them
• Since the husband and wife are already one flesh, they need not apologize to each
other that often. Neither should they expect each other to apologize to themselves.
Because if one really loves his / her spouse, he / she can’t wait to protect the other. If
so, how would one expect the other to apologize or say who is in the right or wrong?
 (2) Healing of the “one flesh marriage”
• Healing of the “one flesh marriage” means the holistic healing of two persons
because they are different. There are a lot of differences between man and woman
• We must realize that it is in fact a blessing for the differences. We can only be
complete because of our differences
• E.g. Husband tends to see the big picture, while wife tends to be more careful with
details. The wife will also observe the feelings of others and remind the husband
• E.g. It is a blessing for one to be more generous while the other more careful with
money. If both are extravagant, they will be broke in no time. However, if both are too
miserly, everyone will hate them
• Thus, for a couple to receive healing, they must first accept that their difference is a
blessing. Secondly, they must also have common points
• E.g. Though husband and wife have different roles to play when nurturing their
children, they must have the common principle and method in doing so
• It is better for the couple to know the friends of each other so that they can have a
common topic for conversation. Brothers and sisters who are in courtship should
know at least 10 names of the friends or colleagues of the other person
• It is better for a married couple to keep their money together. Since they are already
one in flesh, why is there a need to keep aside some money for oneself?
• Although all these are the Truth and principles of God, they are not necessary
absolute. Otherwise, couple will start accusing each other because of this message.
The more healing a couple receives, the more they will do all these naturally
• Our perspective for marriage, courtship, divorce, remarry must change and do not get
affected by the culture and opinion of the society
• Thirdly, the differences of two persons form a protection for each other. When one is
tempted, the other will not be tempted because of their difference. And thus, will
remind the other. E.g. both of them will not hate a person together or be worried
about poverty together

3. The 3 main principle for a blissful marriage <Eph 4:4-6, 5:22-33; 1Peter 3:1-7>
• The priority of our fields that <Eph 4-6> teaches: Church → person → spousal
1) Church-centered living (i.e. Church’s altar [word of God] & congregation)
* Must establish a relationship with Church within and outside the marriage
• There will be the altar (God’s word) and congregation in the Church
• If a couple has a weak church life, their marriage will surely be weak also
• If a couple doesn’t hold on to the church’s altar (i.e. standard), then with what standard
must they use to view, renew and change themselves whenever there’s an argument?
• When the spousal relationship is weak, all the other relationships cannot be built up too
• If a couple is not able to have joy and peace with the congregation in church, very likely
they will have a sour relationship with their family members. Therefore:
(1) Within the marriage, the couple must become one first and let Jesus Christ become
their Lord, so as to get in touch with each other through the body, heart and mind
(2) Outside the marriage, the couple must let Jesus Christ be the head so as to be one
body with the congregation and thus able to love, co-work and help each other. They
will become a localized church

2) Live out the roles of husband and wife: Husband is the head; wife is the body
(1) Husband must lead in areas of, spiritual, important decision in the family, perspective
towards people or things
• Husband is the head and wife is the body. Therefore the husband must lead. The wife
will be beautiful when the husband leads well
 • The husband must lead when it comes to spiritual matters and making important
decisions in family matters
• Areas that the husband must lead include: going to God, loving the church, being filial
to the parents, principle in nurturing the children, and the perspective for family
finance
• Knowing how to manage the family finance is important. The husband must come out
with the big picture that allows money to be spent in a balanced manner. With that,
even if the wife is to buy something expensive suddenly, it is all right

(2) Wives must complement the husband, both mentally and physically
• The role of wives is to complement the husband, both mentally and physically
• If the husband leads well, the wife will not misbehave herself or keep nagging
• Wives must be submissive to their husbands. This does not mean that sister cannot
express their views or suggestions to their husbands. However, they should do it in as
an encouragement
• When brothers did not do a good job, but the sisters still love them and encourage
them; they will try to do a better job the next time. This is the personality of brothers
• Brothers will know some of their own weaknesses. If sisters keep nagging the
brothers on their weakness, brothers will be more resistant to change. This is caused
by the brothers’ ego, an area in which they must receive healing
• Sisters must examine themselves if they do not wish their husbands to remain weak
all their lives. Did they give sufficient encouragement or reminder to their husbands?
Or have they been nagging the husbands to change or nagging them to do something
for them?
• Before a couple enters into a quarrel, each of them must first ponder if he / she has
done something wrong and see if he / she has been deceived by Satan. They must
remain quiet if they did discover something
• Sisters shouldn’t be “too tough / strong”, regardless if they are married or not. A wise
woman will not speak too much
• All brothers, in general, will like sisters (regardless if it is their wives or not) who are
implicit, willing to give in to others and thoughtful (i.e. love people)

3) Their life-goals should be to “understand” each other

* They love each other not by avoiding quarrels, but by understanding each other better
→ As such, they must pray for each other. The moment you pray for someone, you will know
that person better!
• Husband and wife must know each other’s body, heart and mind
• You will be more open-minded when you understand. They will reveal more of their
weakness, struggles or secrets after understanding each other
• Husband and wife need not strive hard to avoid quarrel. However, after they quarrel, they
must know each other better
• Sometimes, our wives might not even know the areas we have known about them
• The “understanding” that we are talking about, is not just about understanding the
personality of a person. We must understand the spiritual depth of a person
• We must understand each other’s life, timetable, and spiritual level of each other. And we
do this by relying on the Holy Spirit’s guidance
• If we do not understand each other, the love between us is very shallow
• To really understand your partner, you must pray for him / her. We will never know the
partner’s spiritual state if we didn’t pray for him / her
• Only when we pray, we will know the other’s spiritual state and thoughts of the other
person
 • We must understand and “open up” each other. This is the meaning of “nakedness”
stated in the Bible.

Sharing and Prayer Topics

1. What has God revealed to me in my current status (married / single / in courtship /
divorced)? What is it that God has prepared for me? How then, can I live the most beautiful
life with the current status?
2. Is God’s arrangement the best for me? We must confirm the evidences this week
3. From today’s message, how should married couples renew themselves? And for those
who aren’t married, with is the perspective that God wants us to have on marriage?