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Start with requests that the child can definitely do and praise
him/her. Student, I need you to go get yourself an extra
snack. Great! Thanks for following my direction.
2) If Student is a complains or protests requests, then give a
fixed choice, which allows him a small level of control.
Defiance of authority usually has a root in a need for control,
so give him a little. You would be surprised at how often this
works. Say, Student, you have a choice. You can start your
math fact worksheet or read silently for 10 minutes. You pick.
I know, youre thinking he will pick neither but that rarely
happens. If he does say neither, you can say, Would you like
me to make a choice for you? and that usually triggers a
choice.
3) In the fixed choice technique, you can also make one choice
totally undesirable so he picks the math worksheet or
whatever you want them to do. When I pick up kids for testing
and they balk, I say Okay, you can come now, or during
[insert favorite class]." Then if they choose to come with me, I
thank them for taking responsibility. If it is a particularly
oppositional kid who barely ever follows directions, then I
usually call the parent in front of the kid and tell the parent
how cooperative Student was for me after were done to
reinforce him making a good choice.
4)
5)
Make sure the child understands the direction you are giving
him or her. Sometimes, kids with learning or attention
difficulties are not disrespecting your authority, sometimes
they didnt get the direction. You can ask them to repeat the
direction in his/her own words to make sure all pieces of
information got in. I am always so surprised when I test kids
and have them repeat what I think are simple directions
Open your history book and turn to page 127 and they say,
Um, open your book to page 27?
Deeeeeeeep breath. Kids who always say no or defy your
authority can be super exasperating. Try to remain calm and
use a business-like tone, so they do not know you are about to
lose it. Kids respond to modeling. Model calm so things dont
escalate.
8) Ah, but let her cover the mark as she will, the pang of it will
be always in her heart. ~Nathaniel Hawthorn In todays
English: Long after that kid leaves her desk marked with the
Scarlet P, she will remember how she felt to be a Problem.
Separate the the problem behavior from the problem kid.