FRIENDSHIP CONTRACT

BE IT KNOWN, this agreement is entered into on this day, __________ , 20___, between
one fantastic, charismatic, and humble person, ______________ (hereinafter also
referenced as "Friend #1"), and a generous, super cool, supporter-for-life
__________________________ (hereinafter also referenced as "Friend #2").
Now, therefore, it is agreed as follows:
ARTICLE 1: BEING THERE FOR EACH OTHER
1.1 Friend #2 will be there for Friend #1 at all times including but not limited to: When
its raining outside and Friend #1 gets sad thinking about the little raindrops dying
painfully as they hit the pavement, when its not raining, and when its one of those days
where its raining for a bit but then not raining for another bit.
1.2 Friend #2 MUST support Friend #1s artistic endeavors, no matter how amateurish
or unwise those endeavors are.
1.2.1 If Friend #1 starts playing guitar, Friend #2 is required to issue frequent
supportive statements such as: Now were grooving! Youre making love to
those frets, best friend! and You sound even better than Blues Traveler!
1.3 If Friend #1 is going through a breakup, Friend #2 must break up with their own
significant other so that both Friend #1 and Friend #2 can hit the town together looking
for new love.
ARTICLE 2: HELPING EACH OTHER
2.1 Whenever Friend #1 needs to move, Friend #2 will help.
2.1.1 Excuses like, My back is out or I just helped you move six weeks ago,
please find a stable apartment, are not permissible.
2.2 Friend #2 promises to come over any time Friend #1 spots a large bug or mediumsized shadow that might be a bug and needs help smushing it.
ARTICLE 3: RELATIONSHIP PREEMINANCE
3.1 If Friend #1 introduces Friend #2 to a third friend, Friends #2 and #3 MAY NOT
BECOME BETTER FRIENDS WITH EACH OTHER than they are with Friend #1.
3.2 Friend #2 is free to discuss the terms of this contract with anyone. However, Friend
#2 is prohibited from introducing Friend #1 as, The person from the contract or My
friend who is all weird about being friends.
3.2.1 Friend #1s preferred introduction is, You wanted the best, you got the
best! Ladies and gentlemen, Friend #1!
ARTICLE 4: SPENDING TIME TOGETHER
4.1 If Friend #2 is watching a sporting event, they must invite Friend #1.

 4.1.1 Friend #2 agrees to provide a selection of magazines for Friend #1 to read,

since Friend #1 doesnt really like sports all that much.
4.2 Friend #2 agrees with the statement, Its just not a party if Friend #1 isnt there!
and so will hold ZERO (0) social gatherings without inviting Friend #1.
4.2.1 Social gatherings include but are not limited to:
Dinner parties
Movie nights
Lacrosse tournaments
Bar trivia outings
Shopping extravaganzas
Ironic wax museum visits
Sincere wax museum visits
All group texts
4.3 Friend #2 MUST attend Friend #1s guitar recital, even if the recital is being held at
Friend #1s apartment and all of the performers are just Friend #1 and all of the songs are
just Blues Travelers Four in order.
ARTICLE 5: NONSTOP EMOTIONAL HONESTY
5.1 Both parties agree that friendships cant be one-sided. Friendships must be based on
mutual concern and loyalty. And so if Friend #2 is being a jerk, youd better believe
Friend #1 is going to bring it up and throw it right back in Friend #2s face.
5.1.1 And Friend #2 is going to sit there and take it, legally.
3.2 After any fights, Friend #2 will apologize and reflect on how they hurt Friend #1.
ARTICLE 6: ENTERTAINMENT EQUALITY
6.1 Friend #2 may not, under any circumstances, get ahead of Friend #1 in watching
episodes of new Netflix shows. Even if Friend #1 is in a coma forever.
ARTICLE 7: TRYING NEW THINGS TOGETHER
7.1 Friend #2 will share all news of cool new bands, restaurants, and books with Friend
#1.
7.1.1 At this point, Friend #2 and Friend #1 will enter a one (1) month-long
EXCLUSIVITY PERIOD in which neither Friend #1 nor Friend #2 will share
their cool finds with any other friends.
ARTICLE 8: INSIDE JOKES
8.1 Friend #1 and Friend #2 will share a minimum of ten (10) inside jokes between
them.
8.1.1 If it is found that a third party did NOT have to be there to appreciate
the inside joke, that joke will no longer count towards the minimum of ten (10)
inside jokes.
ARTICLE 9: GIFT GIVING

 9.1 Friend #1 is looking for a new sous-vide cooker. Just sayin.

ARTICLE 10: PENALTIES AND SANCTIONS
10.1 If Friend #2 is found to be in violation of any piece of this contract, thats okay
Friend #2 can just go ahead and destroy Friend #1s life, as if their friendship never
meant anything at all. Friend #1 agrees to be sad forever and to never forgive Friend #2.
10.2 Friend #1 will never play Blues Travelers Hook on guitar ever again. It would
be too painful.
I/We do hereby affirm and declare under penalty of perjury under the laws of the
Republic of the Philippines, the United States and the State of _____________, that this
agreement has been entered into voluntarily, and without any threats, promises, duress
and/or coercion of any type.
This agreement shall be enforced with the laws of the State of _______________.
Signed this ______________ day of _________________, 20__
____________________________________
Friend #1
_____________________________________
Friend #2
Witnessed:
_____________________________________________________________
The President Of The United States / Stone Cold Steve Austin / John Popper
{ NOTARY SEAL IF NECESSARY IN YOUR STATE }