Interpersonal Effectiveness

KM, 2016, IIMIDR

Symptoms of poor interpersonal

relationships
Behavior symptomatic of inadequate
interpersonal relations:
Communication problems
Loss of motivation:

Tiredness
Preoccupation with other work

Indiscriminate opposition

Operational problems

Difficulty in reaching decisions

Inefficient division of labour

Task distortions

KM, 2016, IIMIDR

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS

KM, 2016, IIMIDR

Transactional analysis
Theory of personality: how people are

structured psychologically in terms of ego

states (Parent-Adult-Child) to explain how
people function and express their personality
in their behavior.

Communication as transaction between ego

states (pattern of feelings, thoughts,
experience) of two people
Four life positions (deep conviction about self
and others) to transact with external world

Helps to analyse the interpersonal styles

KM, 2016, IIMIDR

Structure of a Personality
Structural Personality

A personality consists of three ego states

Ego state : a consistent pattern of feeling and
thoughts and experience directly related to a
corresponding pattern of behavior.
Parent, Adult and Child
Personality leads to behavior..

KM, 2016, IIMIDR

Adult ego state

Adult : .which are adapted to current

reality. Main focus is collecting and processing

information in the present. Adult works like a
computer without any values or emotions.
It is the part of our personality that processes
data accurately, that sees, hears, thinks and
can come up with solutions to problems based
on facts and not solely on our pre-judged
thoughts or child like emotions. It responds to
reality.
I will be frank with you
KM, 2016, IIMIDR

Parent ego state

Parent : .resembling (that is, learnt or

borrowed) that of parent. Main focus is on

values and norms Do as I do/tell you

Nurturing Parent: soft, loving, permission

giving, providing needed support, set limits in a
healthy way
Critical Parent (Controlling, Regulating):
Prescriptions instructing in detail what needs
to be done and how, sanctions punishing that
behavior that Parent disapproves of.
KM, 2016, IIMIDR

Child ego state

Child : .which are relics of the individuals

own childhood. That part of personality that is the

seat of emotions, thoughts, and feelings and all of
the feeling state memories that we have of
ourselves from childhood. They relate to emotions!
What shall I do
Natural Child: curious, fun loving, playful,
authentic, expressive, emotional, spontaneous
feelings. That side of us that experiences world
in a direct & immediate way

Having good contact with this ego state is essential

for intimate relationship
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This, along with Adult state, is seat of creativity.

Child ego state

Child (natural):

Adapted Child: the ego-state under the

influence of the parent

Learnt to comply with the parental messages we

received growing up.

Rebellious Child : revolting against authority

Rebelling against the parental messages we

received growing up.

KM, 2016, IIMIDR

Development of ego states: step by

step
Spontaneous child.imagines solutions and

stores this way of functioning developed by

him or dictated by others (adapted) (0-6 yrs)
Develops his rules of behavior ("Normative
Parent") and his rules relating to people
("Nurturing Parent") (2-6 yrs)
Develops ability to observe and analyse facts,
and ability to think on his own (3-12 years)

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Point to note
All ego states are important for a person.
If any of them is weak (that is, not used much and

related function is not getting priority), we call it

underdeveloped. (norm: out of 50, less than 20)
As you learnt to understand the ego state you or
someone else is using, you:

Become adept at recognising aspects of personality/behavior.

see them change right before your eyes.
Learn to create a healthy human relationship

How to tell what ego state you are using

Tone of voice
Gestures
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Exercise
Specific words being used, eg Pay attention

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Point to note
A transaction is the act of communication or interaction

between two people. A transaction starts with a stimulus

and ends with a response to the stimulus:

Prescriptive/admonishing (parent: rules, norms, values)

Information (adult: thoughts and analysis)
Feeling message (child: imagination, creativity, emotions,
intuition )

Since each individual involved in the transaction has

three ego states, the transactions are between the

various ego states.
Interesting things happen when there is cross
connection
KM, 2016, IIMIDR
We shift from one ego state to another in transactions

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Strokes
Stroke : a unit of human recognition
A look, a nod, a smile, a spoken word, a touch
Any time one human does something to recognize another

human being = stroke. Eg, babies need stroke to survive

Positive or negative

Unconditional: they come to us just for being

Conditional: given for what we do, trait we possess

If we relate to each other only if certain conditions are there it cuts

down spontaneity, limits pleasure, intimacy, creativity

Unconditional negative strokes : that is, core of you is not OK.

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Consistent way of interacting with others = style

Life position
We develop stroking patterns it tends to support our

basic, existential life position, a stance in life that reflects

how we feel ourselves in relation to others.
Based on messages received from parents and early care

givers, a young child develops a basic life position Existential

positions as they influence how we view our own and others
existence. This helps to understand ones style of working with
others

General transactional styles:

I am OK, you are OK.

Competenct/Confident/Creative

I am OK, you are not OK

Bossing
Diffident I am not OK, you are OK

Healthy life script

Paranoid/Depressive position. Build a life on Angry
position difficult to form/maintain friendship, lack
of trust. OR, cant feel good about himself in work
area or relationship.

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IIMIDR
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Avoidant/
Finds
tough to see good in anyone.
I am not OK, you are not OK
Life position of despair (futility position)
Averse

Life position
People decide their story and destiny, therefore these decisions

can be changed.
Belief that we are each responsible for our own future, regardless
of what happened to us in the past.

Decide which type of parent ego state you will like to have
Which ego state you will like to use often, and which less
Which strokes you would like to give. And, ask for
By paying attention to different types of transaction, you can exert
some control in flow of conversation honest, straightforward,
uncomplicated way

TA therapy helps in changing patterns in their life that they feel bad

or are not productive mostly script patterns based on early

decisions made during childhood.
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FIRO B
(A FRAMEWORK FOR BEHAVIOR)
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Predictable Relationships

Group Development

Fundamental Interpersonal Relations

Orientation Behavior
FIRO-B
Schutz (1958): Our behavior in groups often parallels either

our own childhoods behavior or our parents behavior.

People have needs& people need people. We express our
needs, at least in part, through our behaviors with other
people. These needs influence group behavior at two levels:

They determine how we treat other people, and

How we want others to treat us

Schutz argues that groups offer members a way to satisfy

these basic needs.

Need pattern is affected by persons self concept, and in turn
it affects how he feel about self.

A consciously selected level of inclusion brings about a feeling of

significance.
A self determined level of control
leads to a feeling of competence
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A willing openness with others results in a feeling of lovability

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Fundamental Interpersonal Relations

Orientation Behavior
FIRO-B
FIRO-B is a psychological instrument developed to

explain:

how interpersonal needs affect behaviour and

relationships.
how your behaviors might be interpreted in organizational
settings.

Interpersonal behaviors are related to the dynamic of

what we express towards others and want from others.

It is about behavior and should not be labeled as
personality traits
Interpersonal any interaction - real (face to face, by
phone, memo) or imagined
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Three aspects of interaction between

you & others
Inclusion: Need to establish and maintain

satisfactory interactions and associations with other

people. Extent of contact and prominence that a
person seeks. Belongingness
In or Out
Who will you select to interact with?
Primarily in the realm of group behavior
Descriptors: belonging, recognition, distinction,
involvement, participation

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Three aspects of interaction between

you & others
Control: persons behavior with respect to

responsibility, power, influence and decision making

how much he desires to influence or direct the power
of others. Power and influence

Top or Bottom
Who directs the flow of interaction?
Descriptors: power, responsibility, authority,
consistency, influence

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Three aspects of interaction between

you & others
Affection: a persons behavior in forming close,

personal relationships with others. Love and affection,

friendship

Close or Far

How open is the interaction with another?

Primarily in the realm of one to one interactions

personal ties, support, consensus,

openness, sensitivity

Descriptors:

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LOW Expressed
Then:

Inclusion

Control
Affection

People might perceive

you as a cold fish,
prickly or abrupt
Chaos reigns or your
agenda goes by the
wayside
People feel their work
or contribution is
unappreciated, they
KM, 2016,
IIMIDR
are a cog in the
wheel

HIGH Expressed
Then:
Get stuck, dont
progress, lose
credibility
Others feel left out,
lectured to, their
ideas arent invited
People are
uncomfortable, at the
extremesexual
harassment lawsuits22

Insights from the FIRO-B:

If you have
HIGH Wanted
Then you may perceive

Inclusion

Control

Affection

Lack of acknowledgement
as negative, rejections as
devastating, being away as
missing the action

LOW Wanted
Then you may perceive
Most invitations as
obligatory, group time as
wasteful

Any structuring as inadequate,

standard procedures as
comforting

Any control as too much;

plans and structures as
pressure, competitive
behavior as annoying

Lack of expressed concern

as insensitive, infrequent
feedback frustratingKM, 2016, IIMIDR

Reassurances as superficial,
personal questions as
intrusive, emotions as
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distracting/trying

Effectiveness through Matching Needs:

Interpersonal Compatibility

Originator incompatibility: When people who wish to

act on needs of ICA joins a group who wish to accept

these expressions of ICA

Incompatibility: both want to control or both dont want to control..

both want to originate behavior associated with Control needs
..leading to conflict or abdication

Reciprocal compatibility: When As expressed behavior

matches what B wants, and Bs expressed behavior

matches what A wants.
Interchange compatibility: When group members share
similar need strengths around ICA. Typically for I and A

Incompatibility arises when one person emphasizes control needs

highly while the other person emphasizes affection needs highly
Thus when interpersonal problem arise, one person is likely to define
KM, 2016, IIMIDR
the problem as one of control,
while the other person will define it as 24
one of closeness, warmth, affection.

How it will help you

Knowing your scores of interpersonal

orientation:

Helps you to diagnose potential areas of

incompatibility
Helps you to generate alternative for behavior
when you attempt to solve interpersonal
difficulties

Eg, increase inclusion activities

Allow someone else to express a little more
control
Redefine an issue as an affection problem rather
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than that of a control
problem

How it helps in organisation setting: Identifying

& meeting interpersonal needs of others boost
morale, productivity, engagement
Team building around compatibility, dynamics,

development, effectiveness
Coaching communication style, leadership style,
interaction style
Leadership development leadership style, control
needs, communication style: help leaders unlock
greater team performance by meeting the
interpersonal needs of group members
Personal development communication style,
personal development challenges/strength,
communication styles
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JOHARI WINDOW

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Disclosure/Feedback model of self

awareness
Simple and useful tool to understand self-

awareness, personal development,

interpersonal relationship, communication,
group dynamics, team development
Information processing tool: information is
feelings, experiences, views, attitudes, skills,
intentions, motivation, etc within or about a
person in relation to the team

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JOHARI WINDOW FOUR REGIONS

1. what is known by the person about him/herself and is

also known by others - open area, open self, free area,

free self, or 'the arena'
2. what is unknown by the person about him/herself but
which others know - blind area, blind self, or 'blind
spot ignorance of oneself, delusions
3. what the person knows about him/herself that others do
not know - hidden area, hidden self, avoided area,
avoided self or 'facade (sensitivities, fears, hidden
agenda, manipulative intentions, secrets)
4. what is unknown by the person about him/herself and is
also unknown by others - unknown area or unknown
self
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Johari Window
Known to self

Unknown to self

ASK

Disclosure

Feedback
Known
to others

Feedback solicitation

Open arena

Blind spot

TELL

Mutual
enlightenment
via group exp.
and discussion

Shared
discovery Others observation
Self discovery/exposure

Unknown
to others

Hidden area
(faade)

Self
Unknown
discovery
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area
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The Johari Window

Open area:

Information about the person - behaviour, attitude,

feelings, emotion, knowledge, experience, skills, views,
hopes & dreams, etc known by the person ('the self')
and known by the team ('others').
If a team knows about each other to a large extent as
above it will be:

more effective and productive

free from misunderstanding, mistrust, conflict, confusion
and good communication and cooperation occurs

Also,

old team members have more open space than new

asking for information or voluntary disclosure helps in
expanding hidden area
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feedback helps in expanding into blind spot

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Managers play a v important role: facilitating feedback and disclosure, promote

a culture and expectation of honest, constructive, sensitive communications

The Johari Window

Unknown areas:

Latent potentials, early childhood memories, unrecognised

resources
Constructive observation by others, self discovery, and feedback
among:
90, 180 and 360 degree feedback
Personality test reports help to know, eg, a shy person may
know about latent leadership potential

Feedback:
Feedback sought: reaction by others, usually in terms of their feelings

and perceptions, telling you how your behavior affects them

Feedback given and self disclosure: information given either by
verbal or nonverbal communication - tells others how their behavior
affects you, how you feel, and what
you
perceive
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IIMIDR

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