Issue 956 - Weekly Thursday February 11th 1999

WE’VE
Kings’Manor School
GOT
IT!!
Election Special Pull-Out inside gets “fresh start”
ast Friday was another or the first time ever, a to the current exam results Surrey Education Authority

L great day for the Union.

Following months of hard

F private company took
Control of a failing
school. King's Manor
Comprehensive is located in
work, Borough Council licens-
ing meetings and court hear- one of the poorest and most
ings, I am delighted to tell you deprived parts of Guildford.
that the Union has been grant-
ed a, 2 am licence for The Comprehensive is cur-
rently half unused and is
Wednesday nights. Hoorah!
bottom of the county's grade
tables. The school had
Some of you may remember failed to meet standards set
the Bojanglez boycott last by the Office for Standards
year, which was as a result of in Education (Ofsted) and
unnecessarily violent behav- has been unsuccessful in
iour of some of the security recruiting new pupils. The
supervisors towards our stu- successful company, Three
dents. At that time, it was sug- E's Enterprises will be
gested that the Union should rewarded for improvements
and truancy rates. Any
profits made by the compa-
ny would be ploughed back
in to Kings' Manor School.
This is the first time that a
local education authority
has relinquished responsi-
bility for one of its schools
and the decision has caused
a lot of controversy. The
original take-over proposal
received interest from
several companies based
both in the UK and abroad.
The schools board of gover-
nors and the University of
Surrey.
is now set to negotiate the
finer points of the deal
before contracts are signed
at the end of the month. The
precedent set by Surrey is
seen as being part of the
governments policy of a
"fresh start" for failing
schools.
Three E's Enterprises says
that it wants to establish a
college which will focus on
both the performing arts and
technology. The firm aims
to take Kings' manor into
the 21st Century as one of
the first colleges for life
long learning.

Electoral Spectacle
look into the possibility of a 2
am licence. The success of
OUTRAGE, running until
midnight, has proved that there
is a demand for later Union
activity on Wednesdays. It's
finally happened. Why go to
gets under way
Bo's to stand in a queue for an ife Long Learning is Sabbatical candidates for heard. The remaining posi-
hour when you can party on in
your own Union?

We'll keep the drinks promo-

L one of the four prior-
ity motions to be dis-
cussed at the forthcoming
NUS National Conference.
tions and the music and give The others are the
you what you want. The Democratic reform of the
details of how Wednesdays NUS, Student funding and
will be organised will be dis- Student Health and
cussed at Ents Committee, Housing. . The University of
which meets every Monday at Surrey Students' Union is
6:15 pm in the Grant Mitchell entitled to send seven candi-
Room, so come along to have dates to the conference.
your input What we do know is
that we're planning a launch On Monday night the candi-
event in Week 6. The ever pop- dates took part in Hustings.
ular Supersonic have been pro- This took the form of
visionally booked - there's lots speeches , questions and
more to follow and it will all games with the candidates
be free! Hands in the air, given the opportunity to
'YMCA, hop till you drop and make fools of themselves
party till you're knackered. and provide entertainment
for the crowd.. The
See you there!
the positions of Students
Support and Development,
Finance and Societies and
Sport Officers were also put
through their paces. The
Sporting debate was the
most vocal, involving all
candidates attempting to
"sing" a song of their
choice. The support grew
throughout the evening as
many people who had just
wandered into the Union
became increasingly
involved with the hustings
proceedings.
Tonight (Thursday) is the
chance for candidates from
the other Sabbatical posi-
tions to make themselves
tions are Communications
and Marketing Officer,
Welfare and Education
Officer and finally
President. Hustings will
start at 7. 15 pm on the main
dance floor. A special
Student Council has been
called, to take place at the
beginning of the proceed-
ings in order to ratify the
aforementioned NUS
Conference Priority
Motions. A good Hustings
turn out ensures that the
Sabbatical Candidates do
not get let off lightly.
Voting takes place throughout
week 5 and the electoral proce-
dure culminates with the Charter
ball on Friday 19th February.

Harriet Sims
ON LINE
http://www.surrey.ac.uk/Union/elections

News & Letters 1/2 n Union 3&4 n Music 5/6 n ELECTION SPECIAL - 12 PAGE PULL OUT
Entertainments Guide 7 . n Notices 8 n Personals & Crossword 9 n Films 10 n Surrey Pride 11/12
2 News Thursday 11th February n

Editorial News in Brief by James Buller

ront
Editor
Tom Sherwen
F page photo of me in a
dress. Hmmm - strange
editorial decision to say the
(su-comms@surrey.ac.uk) least. It was all in the aid of
hustings. All the candidates
had to demonstrate that they
Deputy Editor were game for a laugh and
Vacant adaptable in unusual situations.
Still it was a complete set up
and I thoroughly enjoyed the
Arts Editor revenge gained on Celine, the
Daniel Jones Returning Officer who was
gunged at the end. The second
(ps51dj@surrey.ac.uk)
evening for Sabbatical candi-
dates is tonight, Thursday. The
News Editor more of you who attend the bet-
ter it will be.
James Buller
(ma71jb@surrey.ac.uk) If you are still unsure about this
whole election thing then
look at the website
Features Editor http://www.surrey.ac.uk/Union/
Nick Walsh elections. Cheers to Dave
(ps71nw@surrey.ac.uk) Hamilton for all his hard work
in getting the site up and run-
ning and looking so good.
Music Editor Voting takes place all next
Andrew Thomas week (week 5) so have a good
think and then choose your
(ps71at@surrey.ac.uk)
Sabbaticals for next year.
Sports Editor WEDNESDAY NIGHT TILL
2AM. Bargain. I have never
Paul Cliff
(barefacts@surrey.ac.uk) The Week in Review by Samad Masood & Laurence Jones
ou can’t have missed
Commercial Manager
Vacant
Y the election special in
last weeks Bare Facts,
including the one-sided opinion
been much of a BO’s man but I
am thrilled that on a miserable,
wet night I wont have to get
pushed around in a queue and
wait for hours before paying for
the privilege of overpriced
warm beer. The other event to
look forward to is the Dracula
Spectacular presented by the
G&S Society. Tickets are on
sale in the Union between
12.00 and 14.00 for perfor-
mances from now until
Saturday 13th. They are on at
19.30 every night and the
Saturday matinee is at 14.30.
Last week I asked you whether
you wanted to “get into
snatch?”
If I got your attention then
good. Snatch or whatever it is
to be called is going to be the
first ever glossy magazine pro-
duced by the Students’ Union.
It is completely separate from
Barefacts and will be published
towards the start of the Summer
term. After Easter everyone is
caught up with exams and tra-
ditionally Barefacts becomes
an expensive weekly rambling
cially the smoking and non-
smoking sections. Which leads
us to something that has proba-
bly been on a lot of peoples
from the edi- World Mourns King Noye Loses
tor. Under half the amount of
Barefacts read currently are
picked up during these last
Hussein
Tens of world leaders gathered
in Jordan, on Monday to attend
Extradition Fight
The extradition of suspected
weeks of the semester. As a
the funeral of King Hussein. road rage murderer Kenneth
result of this I have decided to
The end of the kings 47 year Noye to the UK has been
produce news sheets similar in
reign was marked by the com- approved by a Spanish Court.
style to the one that came out
ing together friends as well as Noye is wanted in connecting
shortly after new year. These
enemies with the 1996 stabbing of 21
will contain the ents guide,
year old electrician Steven
What’s on in Guildford, the
Clinton, Blair and Yeltsin all Cameron, on a sliproad of the
Odeon Times and I might even
attended (albeit temporarily) M25 in Kent.
include a few personals. The
despite the advice of his
magazine is going to be full of
Russian doctors. The premiers The extradition case was heard
features and reviews, inter-
of Syria and Israel also came by the same magistrate
views and competitions. The
despite them being sworn ene- attempting to extradite Chiliean
possibilities are endless.
mies. The make up of the con- dictator General Pinochet from
If you want to help, whether it
gregation was an illustration of Britain to Spain.
how well the Jordanian leader
be in writing, designing, taking
brought people together and 51 year old Noye maintains his
photos or just thinking of the
promoted peace in one of the innocence and said that he had
title (very important) then
please get in touch. Either
world’s hotest of hotspots. already been tried by the
British media. "All I ask is that
email me on barefacts@sur-
In a country with a population this court gives me a fair hear-
rey.ac.uk or pop in to the office
of just 5 million, 800,000 ing."
next to the snooker room in the
mourners lined the streets to
Union. Alternatively call be on
watch the funeral procession. Spain’s equivalent of the High
int.9275 or ext.01483 259 275.
Jordanians are devastated by Court rejected claims by
Final word of the week goes to
the death of their king. Even as Noye’s lawyers that he had
all the blokes out there.
he lay in hospital, kept alive been unlawfully arrested. Noye
Remember, Valentines day is
only by a life support machine now has three days to appeal
this Sunday. It’s not worth for-
hundreds of his citizens gath- against the decision. Otherwise
getting!
ered outside to pray for a the judgement will become
miraculous recovery. official later this month.
Blue Peter Out Of
be informed?…. The truth is Snap Crack & Croc
out there.

In the outside world this week,

Deadline for Publication
Monday 10am
Bare Facts is an editorially independent
newspaper, published by the University
of Surrey Students' Union
Communications Office.
The views expressed within the paper
are those of individual authors, and do
not necessarily represent the views of
the Editor, the Editorial Board, the
University of Surrey Students' Union or
the University of Surrey.
This publication may not be reproduced
in whole or in part, stored in any form,
copied or distributed, without the express
permission of the publisher.
All submissions must include the author's
name and Union or Staff Number.
Submission is no guarantee of publica-
tion.
Anonymous and Pseudonymous articles
will not be published.
Bare Facts reserves the right to edit sub-
missions.
Printed by
East End Offset (TU),
Bow, London, E3 3LT
© USSU Communications
Office 1998
on NUS. The referendum
comes around every two years,
so that WE can decide on
whether we want to stay with
them or leave. As we are given
the right of choice on this issue,
don’t you think it’s only fair
that we should also be given
both sides of the argument?
Last week we saw what NUS
does for us, but what we don’t
see is how much it costs us to
remain affiliated, and whether
this is money well spent. Surely
if we are to make an informed
opinion, we should be given
facts like this, or can we just put
this down to err… the careerist
indulgences of the NUS?
Good news, Chancellors is
‘repositioning itself in the mar-
ket place’. Let’s hope they
haven’t been influenced by air-
port lounge design this time. It
looks like a good idea, espe-
Make a date with MAVIS
minds recently…. smoking in
the Library Restaurant.
Previously a smokers paradise
the library restaurant has now
become non-smoking. a few
years ago there was a survey
carried out asking peoples’
opinions about the restaurant
remaining smoking, or
changing to non-smoking. We
never heard the results of this
survey, but last year it was
decided that the restaurant
would undergo a trial non-
smoking period, to end the
beginning of this very semester.
There was then supposed to be
a review. Well we’ve waited
three weeks for this review, and
still haven’t seen any evidence
of one. Who decides on the out-
come of this review? We
strongly believe it should be the
customers i.e. students. If it has
been decided without our
knowledge, then shouldn’t we
She s almost 10ft high,
weighs 235 stone and
she wants to meet
YOU!
England football coach Glenn
Hoddle was sacked for speak-
ing about his beliefs. Our opin-
ions of his stated beliefs are
irrelevant (and pretty boring),
but did you know that accord-
ing to article 19 of the
Universal Declaration of
Human Rights ‘you should be
able to express your views,
however unpopular, without
fear of punishment’.
Well that about wraps up our
gripes this week. Samad: ‘So
tell me Laurence what do you
think of this years election
manifestos?’ Laurence (John
Wayne accent): ‘Well Samad in
my tenure here I’ve seen a lot
of Manifesters’. But all I can
tell you pardner is that the
booze ain’t ever getting no
cheaper.’
Miles-age
Co-presenter of Blue Peter,
Stuart Miles has announced
that he is to leave the childrens
Two freak crocodiles nearly
escaped from a Thailand zoo
on Sunday. The crocodiles, one
with six legs, the other with
television program. Miles five tried to “leg it” when their
described Blue Peter as “twee” glass tank cracked open. The
and criticised the handling of water gushing out swept
the recent drugs scandal to hit tourists off their feet. However
the show. keepers quickly recaptured the
reptiles and there were no
In an interview with the injuries.
Guardian Miles, 27 said that
children today are not interest- Samutprakarn Crocodile Farm
ed in golden labrador’s and & Zoo near Bangkok is the
action man skimobiles made
world largest breeding centre
from sandwich boxes. for crocodiles, being home to
nearly 60,000 creatures.
He also referred to the sacking
of presenter Stuart Bacon last
Swiss Go Cookoo
year, after he was seen taking
A major search began in a
cocaine. Miles said that he had
Swiss village last week, when a
convinced TV bosses to refer to
two year old boy was reported
the incident on air but that he
missing. 95 firemen, 17 police-
would have liked to have taken
men, 3 dogs and 20 other vol-
the opportunity to do a special
unteers scoured the local coun-
drugs program.
tryside for the toddler.
While he has enjoyed his time
The full might of a Swiss army
at Blue Peter, Miles is annoyed
bicycle squad was also offered
that the program seems
to the towns folk in their time of
immune to modernisation. He
said it is “haunted” by the atti-
need. This proved not to be nec-
essary however. Despite several
tudes of ex long term editor
broadcasts on local radio sta-
Biddy Baxter.
tions asking for information, the
baby boy was eventually found
Miles hopes to continue a
by his parents - asleep at home
career in television, possibly by
under a blanket.
presenting factual programs,
not necessarily with the BBC.

Bare Facts On Thursday 18 February, the National Meningitis Trust invites all students and
Union House staff to come and meet M AVIS - their M obile A wareness Vehicle Information
University Of Surrey Service - who will be available in Senate Square from 10am to 3pm.
Guildford
Surrey As well as being equipped with a video presenter and a large library of literature,
GU2 5XH M AVIS is staffed by trained personnel who will be waiting to give out information
and advice on meningitis.
Tel: 01483 259275
Fax: 01483 534749 So if you want to learn more about meningitis, talk through any concerns you may
have, or if you just want some reassurance, why not make a date with M AVIS!
email:
barefacts@surrey.ac.uk If you would like any further information on MAVIS, please contact Gill Venables,
Student Affairs Officer in the Students Union on extension 9228.

Dear BareFacts
NUS Referendum
I write with reference to
next weeks cross campus
referendum, which poses
the question should
University of Surrey
Students Union stay in
membership of the National
Union of Students? I would
certainly hope that the
answer to that question will
be an overwhelming YES.
Last year it cost the Union
around £30,000 to affiliate
to the NUS, money provid-
ed for from it’s annual grant
from the University. That
may sound like a lot, indeed
it is, but not when compared
Bar Prices - The real deal!
Dear Alistair,
Thank you for your letter in
last week’s B.f. The
Students’ Union is commit-
ted to campaigning against
student hardship and the
forthcoming NUS confer-
ence provides a great oppor-
tunity to strengthen our
national student voice.
Bar prices have long been
debated, criticised and mis-
understood and I will
attempt to answer your con-
cerns. There seems to be an
underlying feeling that the
Union bars are more expen-
sive than the pubs in town.
This is not true. From time
to time, pubs offer good pro-
motion prices on beers, as
do we. Weatherspoons are
currently running a 99p pro-
motion and we offer double
and a mixer for £1 during
Silly nights and Outrage. In
the long term, Union prices
remain constant and offer
cheaper prices all year
round. Some examples:
The Union also wins on soft
drinks prices, pizzas, bar
snacks and wine. The
Bottle Bank offers promo-
tional drinks every week for
£1.50, sometimes with a
competition or free gift. Our
bar prices are set for the
whole academic year. Don’t
forget that we have
absorbed the recent duty
Product Union
Caffreys £2.00
Fosters £1.60
Guinness £2.00
John Smiths £1.60
Kronenberg £2.00
Spirits £1.05 - £1.40
against the benefits. Last
year the Union benefited to
the tune of £122,000 in dis-
counts on brewed products,
bought through NUS
Services LTD. Discounts of
this proportion would not be
available should the Union
leave NUS, and thus, prices
could increase.
Add to this the huge advan-
tages that the NUS logo on
every student’s campus card
brings in the form of local
and national discounts and
access to other Students
Unions, the respect that
NUS is held in when it
comes to campaigning and
lobbying at all levels, and
increase following the
Chancellor’s 1998 Budget.
A Bit of History...
Ten years ago, Britain’s
brewers produced far more
beer than the consumer
could ever drink - the indus-
try had massive over-capac-
ity. But, since 1992, UK
beer sales have fallen by
8%. Forced to rationalise, -
there are now only 5 nation-
al brewers - Scottish
Courage, Bass, Whitbread,
etc., are now keen to target
their products towards spe-
cific consumer groups. Just
like the banks, the brewers
regard the student market as
a showcase. Getting stu-
dents interested in a particu-
lar brand - Kronenberg -
will influence their future
drinking preferences.
Students’ Unions are the
perfect hunting ground for
large brewers hungry for
more business.
But the student market is
organised. Nearly all UK
Students’ Unions buy their
beer through a national pur-
chasing consortium - NUS
Services Limited, see my
article in B.f. 28th Jan.
Faced with a well-organised
retail market - worth 140,000
barrels last year - the brewers
offer Students’ Unions dis-
counted prices, translating
into 20p per pint discount on
Weatherspoons
£2.20
£2.10
£2.23
£1.91
£2.20
£1.47 - £1.57
Your Letters
the fact that there are 850
Student Unions in member-
ship ( representing in excess
of 3 million students ), then
it would seem more than a
shame for Surrey students
to lose out.
There is only one Higher
Education Union in England
not in membership, don’t let
Surrey be the second.
Don’t lose your right to a
National Voice. If you don’t
like the way NUS works,
then stay in it and change it!
Yours
Andrew Pakes
NUS National President
most major brands.
Show Me The Money!
It is sometimes hard to
understand where the
money is going, which is
why we are planning a
‘Show Me the Money’
week. This will take the
form of an awareness and
information campaign
which aims to show you
exactly where your money
is spent. Most other stu-
dents’ unions in the country
charge a joining and/or
monthly fee for clubs and
societies. At Surrey, all
activities are free to join,
thanks to funds from the
bars. Buying drinks from
the Union directly benefits
students. I guess it’s up to
you - put money back into
your own pocket through
the Union or go for a drink
in town and wedge up some-
one else’s back-pocket.
I hope this letter dispels the
belief that the Union profits
from its members and helps
to explain why the opposite
is true. I look forward to
talking about this in more
detail in ‘Show Me the
Money’ week later this
semester.
Yours sincerely,
Harriet Sims
Union President
Hairtec
24 Madrid Road
(01483)440414
Shampoo & Blow Dry from £9.00
Cutting incl. Shampoo from £11.00
Gents cut incl. shampoo from £8.50
Semi permanent Tint from £22.00
Permanent Tint £ from £25.00
Highlights/Lowlights from £35.00
Permanent Wave from £32.50
KMS/Fudge Treatment from £3.00
Sets & Blow Drys included in all
Perming & Colouring Services, but excluding Cutting
Reduced Prices for Students
Tuesdays - Fridays inclusive
Lloyds
Chemist
Hairtec
Madrid
GPA Road
Apollo Video Store x Newsagent
Discrimination or Freedom to Choose
Dear Mr Editor, on my character, great sense
of humour, tlc, generosity
I am writing in reply to the etc.etc.etc! I am also sure
letter in last week’s issue that this event will be bring-
with regards to Union ing invaluable money to our
Discrimination. Firstly, I Students’ Union, so I for
would like to ask why hold- one will be attending if it
ing a “beauty contest-type does hopefully go ahead,
thing” is a harassment of (and not just to see some
anybody, least of all “Mr pretty females either!)
Name Withheld” who per- Having said that, I don’t
haps feels that his medioc- suppose any of this will
rity in the looks division’ is change the price of beer on
going to be insulted by such campus, as Alistair Gerrard
an event. I for one am not sensibly noted in the last
the best looking guy in the issue. Might I propose a
world, but also hope that new choice, called ‘Valerio
women will judge me more Beer’, which is brewed for
Dear Sir, Entertainments Committee.
The sensitive nature of self
I reply in response to the let- image and whether or not
ter in last weeks’ B.f. the Union should host the
regarding Union discrimina- event generated lengthy dis-
tion. To clarify the rumours, cussion. The committee
on Saturday of week 6, the recognise that people may
Union is planning to host a choose not to attend due to
regional heat for Miss personal beliefs, but that
Universe (aka Miss World) variety of entertainment is
1999. The whole reason important and there are oth-
that this was offered to us ers who would enjoy the
was that a student from event.
Brighton won last year, and
the organisers felt it was Miss World 1999 is once
only fair to let a select again scheduled for terrestri-
amount of Unions hold al TV, following several
heats this year. years absence. As I see it,
it’s about being blessed in
Those with ultimate power different ways. You could be
of veto are the gifted academically, excel at
3 Union
The Astolat
the company my mum and
dad work for - you may
have seen it in places like
Unwins or supermarkets
already. This is a light,
refreshing bottled beer (that
will still get you very drunk)
that could easily be sold at
99p and still make a profit.
Yours beautifully
RMP - The Italian Stallion
p.s. If any girl(s) would like
to have a funny and warm-
hearted escort to The
Charter Ball, please contact
me on ms61rp asap!
sport, speak loads of lan-
guages or play a musical
instrument. We compete at
all these levels without (I
hope) any discrimination,
and applaud people’s skills
and qualities. Some people
are born particularly beauti-
ful. There’s nothing wrong
with that. You don’t have to
be beautiful to enter the com-
petition or to be in the audi-
ence. Let’s celebrate it and
be proud of the way we are.
Harriet Sims
Union President
PS The Entertainments
Committee meets every
Monday at 6:15 pm in the
Grant Mitchell Room.
4 Thursday 11th February 1999 n

Chancellors Refurbishment WWW by Pravin Jeyaraj

Last weeks article explained the back-
ground for the Chancellor Refurbishment
project.
This week we would like to provide some
answers to the questions about how the
new Chancellors will look.
A few points:
1. The biggest chance will be the move
of the bar and cellar to the far end of the
room. This will provide more space and
prevent the constrictions that we current-
ly experience.
2. The main toilets will move to the site
of the old cellar thereby opening up the
current space around the lobby area.
3. There will 2 new levels of raised seat-
ing around one of which will be able to
accommodate live music.
With the advent of the new EIHMS
building the patio will be landscaped to
provide a more aesthetic view. The orig-
inal side doors - only open during the
summer months will become the focus
entrance, with a revolving door (the
only one on campus).
Questions and Answers:-
What will we sit on? There will
be a selection of soft sofa seating on
the raised area, high bar stools
around the windows and regular
seating and tables.
What drinks will be sold?
The usual selection of soft drinks plus
wines, premium beers and lagers and
some good quality coffees.
Who will you serve?
Chancellors will welcome anyone -
all students as well as academic and
clerical staff.
If you have any further questions please
contact Jo Reay-Child ( Food &
Beverage Dept USSU extn 9986)
I went to Canada a couple of But whether you love them or
HALL RESTAURANT and VEGGIE
years ago. Niagra Falls was very loathe them, you have to admit
RESTAURANT
disappointing, even a little over- that they have become a part of
Set to close on Monday 26 April 1999
rated. Indeed, the most memo- Western culture.
Will be developed into one large restaurant
rable sight (sic) was Sarah The Offspring must be
on the first floor of the new complex Plans to
Michelle Gellar in a new televi- thanking their lucky stars. Last
open, under a different name, in the week
sion show called Buffy: The Sunday, they went to number one
beginning Monday 30 August 1999*
Vampire Slayer. For those who with their latest single “Pretty fly
have been asleep since the New (for a white guy)”, a satirical take
HALL BAR
Year, the BBC have started show- on the guests who appear on (for
Set to close on Monday 26 April 1999
ing the first series of Buffy. example) Ricki Lake’s show.
Will be extended and re-styled into a new
The story is set in the For a band who are the
cafe bar. Plans to open, under a different
town of Sunnydale, which just so American Pulp - struggled for fif-
name, in the week beginning Monday 30
August 1999*
happens to be built over the teen years - there are a fair num-
remains of a town called ber of fan websites, some origi-
Hellmouth. This explains why nating from as far away as Brazil.
LIBRARY RESTAURANT
there is a larger number of vam- Offspring Mania is just a typical
Will provide evening catering for students
pires and other monsters here website providing sound files,
for 5 weeks from Monday 26 April Will be
than in other parts of the world. biographies, articles and pictures.
closed to students and staff for 14 weeks
Fortunately, “unto each genera- However, it is part of a collection
from Monday 31 May 1999 Will reopen to
tion a slayer is born”, and this of sites for different bands,
students and staff on 6 September 1999
time around it is Buffy (played by including Oasis, Nirvana and
Gellar). The closest thing to a Green Day.
SANDWICH BAR
nightmare on campus is probably Last year, Glen Hoddle
Temporary take-away snack bar to be set up
the price of Caffrey’s. became an object of ridicule
in the Lecture Theatre building from
You can pretend to be when he hired a spiritual healer
Monday 26 April for approximately 18
Buffy and save Sunnydale and Eileen Drewery to deal with the
weeks
the world from the minions of physical injuries of the England
hell with an interactive game that team during the World Cup.
CHANCELLOR’S RESTAURANT
is available from The Official Many people thought he had
Bar, Restaurant and Table d’hôte dining ser-
Site. Missed an episode because gone mad, but he was probably
vice set to close for refurbishment on
of too much coursework? Just trying to make the best out of an
Friday 26 March 1999. Will be re-styled
access the site and read the already stressful situation, espe-
and refurbished into a student-oriented pub-
episode synopsis and cast biogra- cially following the criticism he
style restaurant Plans to open, under the
phies and view the multimedia had received after dropping Paul
same name, in the week beginning Monday
clips. Got nothing to wear? You Gascoigne from the squad.
10 May.
can fill your wardrobe with the Two weeks ago, his
best Buffy merchandise and go personal belief in spiritualism
WATES HOUSE will continue to provide
down a storm (and perhaps go caused another stir when asked
the following services for staff and postgrad-
down) at the next party. why he thought some people
uate students:
From one babe to were born into poverty or with
Snacks and Light Refreshments, Self-
another, the past year has been disabilities. He claimed that they
Service Restaurant
rather good for Louise. Music were being punished for sins in a
Table d’hôte dining, Bar
career still going strong, married past life. Last week, he resigned
Liverpool player Jamie as manager of the England foot-

The unPlugged Society The +’s and -’s

Redknapp in the summer and her ball team.
fine form has graced various The concept of reincar-
magazines and calenders (includ- nation alone is still heavily debat-

Rosymaker
Starting life as the Folk
Club, Unplugged is now the
longest running society at
Surrey University. In one
form or another it has been
running for 15 years. The
club is run by four commit-
tee members, Claire (secre-
tary), Gav (chairperson),
Michael (treasurer) and Riz
(publicity).
The music was originally
acoustic sets, but now all
styles are welcome. As well
as live sets, DJ’s play
beforehand ensuring that
there is a good atmosphere.
A range of bands plays from
amateur student bands to
professional bands. Any
band wishing to showcase
their material before the tal-
ent contest, are also wel-
come.
Unplugged happens every
odd week in the Helyn Rose
bar In addition there will be
two Unplugged nights in
week 15. One of the nights
will be for the winners of
the talent contest.
A good time is had by all.
The more people that come
along for the night the better
the atmosphere, so if any-
body wants to listen to new
original music and want
something different, then
they had better get them-
selves along for a night out.
Any band wishing to play is
welcome to leave a note or
tape in the Unplugged
pigeonhole. As the society
has had a budget allocated
by the union there may be
some money in it for the
band.
The next Unplugged is next
Tuesday.
Adam Saxty
Of Maths
Course Reps for
Maths Statistics and
Computing got the chance to
spill the beans on their
department last week. In it’s 5
yearly review of Surrey’s
Mathematicians, an indepen-
dent panel asked for the input
of those who either reap the
rewards or suffer the conse-
quences of the staff’s actions
- the students.
Every 5 years,
every department must be
validated by their fellow aca-
demics. The board examines
everything from teaching
standards to equipment provi-
sion. As part of their review,
the five strong panel met for
nearly 2 hours with all 8
course reps, plus a selection
of placement, PhD and final
year students. As well as
answering specific questions
we had the chance to bring up
our own topics of discussion.
Talking to an influential com-
mittee meant it was a good
chance to talk about the big-
ger issues. Issues that reps do
not normally bring up, since
they feel that they are to large
to affect. Examples included
the problems associated with
sharing lectures with other
courses, and the absence of
any written or communica-
tion skill based modules.
While we had a few
areas of concern, the over-
whelming impression given
was one of pride in our
department. The reps particu-
larly praised the “open door”
policy of lecturers, describing
AA21 as “a little village.”
Organisation of placements
and responses to reps com-
ments was also said to be
excellent. Everyone was of
the opinion that given the
chance they would definitely
come to Surrey again. All our
comments were passed on to
the relevant people.
For their part the
panel described the reps as a
“a lively and positive bunch”
and thanked us for our time
and for“such an excellent dis-
cussion”. The department
wrote us a letter of thanks and
proudly announced that they
had been successfully vali-
dated.
If you want to write
in Barefacts about your
department then please do!
(You’ll get bored of hearing
about Maths otherwise!) The
topic can be anything you
want: your successes and
experiences as a course rep,
the value of a guest speaker
or the quality of the paint
scheme This is your newspa-
per. Show us how the other
half lives and get you and
yours noticed.
barefacts@surrey.ac.uk
ing her own) - not to mention an
appearance at some university in
the South of England at
Christmas time.
So you have the posters
to brighten up your bedroom
wall. Now you can download
wallpaper for your computer
from Louise Nurding Gallery
wallpaper. Lots of very nice pic-
tures on this page.
That is nothing com-
pared to Louise, The One and
Only. From the onset, it is evident
that much effort has gone into the
design of this site. It makes use of
many of the new technologies of
the Internet such as Java applets
and loads of animation. The result
is a very professional and easy-to-
use website.
As well as attempting a
more personalised approach by
recording the names of new visi-
tors and welcoming back
previous ones, it provides the
usual biography, discography,
pictures and multimedia clips. In
addition, you can perk up a male
friend’s spirit (amongst other
things) by sending a Louise
greeting card, chat with other
Louise fans and play a game with
Louise playing cards (not strip
poker).
If there is one thing that the
nineties will be remembered for, it
will be all those American chat
shows! Roll on, Jerry Springer,
Ricki Lake et al. Words used to
describe such television pro-
grammes range from ironic to
trashy to just plain exploitative.
ed. Benjamin Creme (who?) has
written an essay titled
Reincarnation, karma and past
lives, which is reasonably
detailed but appears to be based
on personal opinion rather than
scientific discussion.
Creme disagrees with
Hoddle about Fatalism - that a
person’s birth is dictated by their
past life but the Association of
Reincarnation are offering cus-
tomers to chance to “inherit their
fortune when they are reborn.”
One question: How would you
know if your wealth had been
inherited into the next life?
This week’s websites
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Official homepage
http://www.buffy.com/
Louise, The One and Only
http://www.btinternet.com/~loui
se.nurding/index.htm
Reincarnation, karma and
past lives
http://www.inetport.com/~one/b
crkpl.html
Louise Nurding Gallery
http://newman.simplenet.com/w
omen/wallpaper/html/louise_nur
ding.shtml
Offspring Mania
http://www.geocities.com/~tri-
angae/ofp.htm
Association of Reincarnation
http://www.reincarnation-
org.com/inherit.html
This week’s keywords
“buffy the vampire slayer”,
“louise nurding”, reincarnation,
“The Offspring”
 Thursday 11th February n Live Music 5

Campaign Super-Nova!
Heather Nova Heather Nova and Naomi Naomi

USSU- 31/01/99
Naomi is feeling somewhat under the weather, struck
down by the ‘flu, but none the less she plays. Her voice
sounds like a sweeter Janis Joplin and the music is in the
similar eclectic vein to Beck with hints of sixties soul.
Forthcoming single ‘Be My Lover’ and the previous
single ‘Personal Touch’ stand out, maybe simply because
they are the most familiar. Certainly looking forward to
seeing her again. Rob Winder

Heather Nova is probably a very nice person. But her

photo by Simon Palmer

music is terrible.. And that’s all you need to know really.

Absolutely awful. Boring. If it could smell, it would
exude the aroma of a decaying cow. Insidious. Why? Why
are we being punished? To her credit she had calming
images and kept the whole affair low key by allowing
each song to share the same rhythm. Daniel Jones

BLURRED TO PERFECTION No New Order!

BLUR
Oxford Brookes
University, 3/2/99
At just after 9pm Blur take
the stage in the Union build-
ing at Oxford Brookes
University for the second
small show to promote their
forthcoming album ‘13’.
Damon announces that they
will just be playing the new
album straight through.
Alex James takes a double
bass and the new single
‘Tender’ kicks things off,
this, it turns out will be the
catchiest, poppiest number
on the record. The band all
look happy and relaxed as a
country sounding number,
kind of influenced by Uncle
Tupelo I think, ‘Coffee and
TV’ has the crowd looking
somewhat bemused. One
thing is certain the new
album will be challenging.
Damon takes a short break
“to get the news from
London”, he comes back
with a big smile on his face,
Chelsea were beating
Oxford 4-2. ‘Swamp Song’
and ‘1992’, it was “written
in 1992”, show a further
degree of experimentalism
from the band, no bad thing,
these songs sound magnifi-
cent, ‘13’ should be a mas-
terpiece. ‘B.L.U.R.E.M.I.’
is an affectionate punk-as-
fuck tribute to their record
label, a pure adrenaline blast
in the middle of the set. The
band have certainly taken on
board a whole range of
influences and the produc-
tion of William Orbit has
probably helped with the
interesting rhythmic
changes throughout the
songs. Graham Coxon plays
the guitar like a man pos-
sessed, and there certainly is
a lot of guitar in the songs.
‘Trailerpark’ has a mellow
hip-hop groove but with an
underlying pessimistic lyric.
Indeed, there is not much
that is uplifting in these
songs, except their stunning
sound. After just over an
hour it is all over, ‘13’ could
well be the best record of Hooky that sound almost like prospect of another
the nineties if this show is a
USSU - 24/01/99 something quite twenty minutes of
true reflection of the
grooves. famous. Noel-like solos and
A few minutes later after the “This is the revolution” complete reverence to
crowd has, somewhat sadly,
wails Surrey’s answer As the fourteen people Ocean Colour Scene.
been chanting “song 2... watching shuffle Hooky are Southern
song 2”, Damon leads the to Liam Gallagher.
Nothing could be more uneasily a local fan Uproar.
band back on, “maybe we’ll
play it later”. First we get ironic. Hooky have a clambers on stage and
‘Beetlebum’ and a rousing grasp of what made dances about with a At long last the band
‘There’s No Other Way’
bands popular in pint. This is at least exit and their pal leaps
before the last song of the entertaining and the on stage again and
night which Damon tells us 1995/96. The Britpop
blueprint has been duly crowd swells to a abuses the crowd. We
he is proud that it will be in
The Simpsons, ‘Song 2’ xeroxed and what we formiddable thirty laugh at him, and leave.
played at just about the right have is a set of songs plus! But then he leaves
speed for the crowd to slam- and we face the grim Andrew Thomas
dance. It’s all over in a cou-
ple of minutes, but then
drummer, Dave Rowntree
shouts “again” and this time
twice as fast, a blur of sound The ZACK GILPIN Show
and Damon throwing him-
self across the stage. They
looked very happy at the
end, and so they should, this
was a special night.
Rob Winder

TEQUILA KILLERS
TERRORVISION
Guildford Civic Hall,
2/2/99
As the seventies glam hits
of the interval fade out
Terrorvision amble slowly
onto the bacofoil bedecked
stage. The Bradford rockers
dive straight into their hit
packed set with ‘Celebrity
Hit List’ and follow it
immediately with last
year’s comeback single
‘Josephine’, the crowd in
the main room are bounc-
ing as one, fortunately for
the Civic Hall the floor
isn’t sprung as the previous
night the sprung floor in
Dudley collapsed.
The bouncing continues
through ‘Stop The Bus’
then the crowd get a short
break and sway along to
‘Easy’. Tony Wright may
not have the greatest
singing voice in the world,
but he certainly makes up
for that with his tireless
effort on stage and his
slightly corny between song
banter.
‘If I Was You’ is a blast of
punk fury before Tony
picks up an acoustic guitar
for the annoyingly catchy
‘3 Wishes’. The bouncing
starts again during ‘Pretend
Best Friend’ and the crowd
sings along to the forth-
coming single ‘Day After
Day’. The set ends with the
one-two combination of
‘Alice What’s The Matter’
and ‘Perseverance ‘, every-
one sings along “whales
and dolphins...”
After a short break the band
return with five girls, cho-
sen from those waiting out-
side the venue earlier in the
day to sing backing vocals,
for their current “happy
Rythmic Heat Bounty Beat
accident” hit ‘Tequila’ At the Harlequin, Redhill on
which sees a renewed burst Friday 23rd Feb 1999
of energy from the crowd 9-11pm
before Terrorvision end the
night with ‘Oblivion’. Tickets £15
Undeniably Terrorvision All ticket holders are entitled to a frree invitation to appear in my next
are one of the best acts on
music video. A 1/500 chance of winning a return ticket to California, USA.
the live circuit, their shows
a thoroughly enjoyable way Harlequin, Redhill BOX OFFICE
of spending an evening. tel: 01737 765 547
Rob Winder email Zack on eusebiou@yahoo.com
6 Music Thursday 11th February 1999
group, with their music tending colours....urrrggghh, but things ANNIE CHRISTIAN - Kiss variety. 6/10 A.S.

SINGLES
DEEJAY PUNK-ROC - Roc-
In-It (Independiente)
The lead track is a superb rap
track. Whilst the rapping was
added afterwards its so good
that its easy to ignore the back-
ing track. The second track
‘The World Is My Ashtray ILS
127 Remix’ has speeding
drums, with a light vocal sam-
ple floating along on top. ‘I
Hate Everybody Mash Up Mix’
is a great usuage of samples
and just makes you want to
dance. A lot of albums don’t
have as many good tracks as
this. 9/10 I.P.
DELAKOTA - 555 (go!beat)
This newish band have kept up
producing some storming
tunes, and this song is no
exception. It is a black grape-
esque song with a superb beats
and lyrics. It WILL be their
most successful single to date,
as it is a head bobbin’, foot tap-
pin’ chill-out choon. Now i’m
off to Tesco to get my
munchies!!!! 9/10 M.S.
GENE - As Good As It Gets
You can here the chants
now...‘Rozzzer, Rozzer,
Rozzer’- chants to celebrate of
the return of easy-access poli-
tics and rousing guitar pop.
Socialism is still alive, Gene
are back and the good times are
here again. The radio sounds
like it should again. 8/10 D.J.
HEATHER NOVA - Heart
and Shoulder (V2)
After missing Heather Nova at
Sunday Night Live, this record
makes me regret that I did.
Heart and Shoulder is a good
easy to listen to love song. The
good B-side Days and Nights
supplements the A-side. There
is also an acoustic version of
Heart and Shoulder on the CD.
8/10 A.S.
SPACE RAIDERS - Laid
Back (Skint)
After last year’s breakthrough
with the ‘Glam Raid’ ep, Space
Raiders return with a subtle
electronic trance track. As the
name suggests this is for post
rather than pre clubbing. The
trademark use of eighties com-
puter samples features more
heavily on the b-side, which
continues the chilled trend. A
fair 7/10 A.T.
WHISTLER-Don’t Jump In
Front Of My Train(Wiiija)
Apt name for this band,
Whistler, as they sound like
something that floats on the air
for a bit, but doesn’t last very
long. I hope this isn’t the case
though, as there is also the
sound of great potential. While
the
guitar playing is reminiscent of
Pheobe’s in Friends, the title
track is pleasant and well worth
a listen.7/10 M.A.
EVE 6 - Leech (RCA)
Eve 6 seem like a pleasant little
SINGLE OF THE WEEK
SLEATER KIN-
NEY - A Quarter
To Three / Burn
Don’t Freeze
(Matador)
The best band in
the American
underground
build on the suc-
cess of their U.K.
breakthrough
album ‘Dig Me
Out’ with this, the
first material
taken from their
new album out in
March. The guitar
and strings pre-
sent in ‘A Quarter
To Three’ are any-
thing but a bolt on
(as popularised by bands like The Verve and copied by 3 Colours Red) and give an angu-
lar take on late night lament. ‘Burn Don’t Freeze’ is more typical of previous material with
overlapping Courtney Love style vocals and discordant overdriven guitars. 9/10 A.T.
towards acoustic rock. ‘Leech’
starts out with reasonably
heavy guitars, but the b-sides
seem to rely more on the
vocals, the guitars being an
inoffensive backing. Their
vocals appear mostly harmless,
as does the rest of the single.
7/10 E.C.
THE JELLYS - Lemonade
Girl (MIR)
You really want to hate this at
first. A nauseous CD cover
with buzzing bees and bright
aren’t quite what they seem.
This happens to be a
Byrds/Beach Boys-style tune
fused with tight, infectious
Idlewild guitars and the odd
reference to illegal substances.
Not bad. 6/10 A.S.
The Day Goodbye (Equipe
Ecosse)
Sort of alright pop rock, a hint
of the Manics epic style tinted
with a more obtuse and darker
view and power that the Manics
now lack. 6/10 R.W.
WIRED - Transonic (Future
Groove
A pretty safe dance record that
could be played at most main-
stream club nights. I found it to
be a bit on the short side, with
the mixes not offering much
ELECTRIC - My Girl (Go-
Go Girl)
When I picked this up I must
have misread the name, think-
ing it may have been the new
Sumner & Marr single. God, I
wish it had have been.
Another boring attempt at
Oasis meets Radiohead brit-
pop with one of the most
annoying vocalists I have
heard since Mr L Gallagher
himself. ‘A step forward in
pop’ reads the press
release...yeah right. 5/10
J.R.H
AUDIOWEB - Test the
Theory (Mother)
This is an ok track that resem-
bles their last few hits, unfor-
tunately it is neither as good
or as original as the previous
ones, maybe I expect too
much from a group which is
supposed to be ‘innovative’,
but I wasn’t impressed. The
two remixes available on the
single are also of poor stan-
dard, in fact the radio edit is
the best version of the lot. A
poor 4/10 M.D.C.
TYRESE – ‘Nobody Else –
London Connection Mixes’
and ‘R&B Mixes’ (RCA)
These two singles represent the
overkill of a song that was
repetitive to start with. Tyrese
has basically taken the same
song and remixed it six times.
The lyrics say very little
whether sung in R&B style or
rapped with ‘London
Connection’. Many tracks are
overly long. 4/10 G.T.

Sly and Robbie, two signifi- EBTG, and U2 which of men perished in a blaze

ALBUMS cant contributors to the

drum n bass and ‘intelligent’
scene open their doors to the
prompts this to be an
impressive collaboration of
styles. Unfortunately Howie
with their dicks in their
hands, Dream City Film
Club have always been there
DESERT EAGLE DISCS - hits it’s peak and starts to and “I’d Die For You”. Let’s influence of Howie B with B’s reworking of Sly and for the nasty things in life:
The Eagle Has Landed fall. Although the tracks hope they raise it up a level his ambient break beat Robbie’s creations leaves chiefly revenge fantasies,
(Boiler House) have a nice sound overall, for the next thing. An aver- approach. Both have a little to be desired. Each drug references and bor-
Interesting Hip hop band they are also extremely sim- age 5/10 M.D.C. wealth of credentials to their track is, to quote ‘stripped to rowed Stooges riffs. Sounds
from Britain, includes 3 ilar one to another and by names. Sly and Robbie the bone,’ being reconstruct- good, unfortunately it’s
tracks featuring 21 Soldier the end it just becomes like SLY & ROBBIE by recording with Grace Jones, ed with sporadic beats and more of the same on their
and an unexpected guest elevator music, that sound in HOWIE B - Drum ‘n bass Bob Dylan, James Brown shamelessly dull ambient second full-length album.
from the Fugees doing it the background. Best tracks strip to the bone (Palm and Simply Red, and Howie chords that are drawn out Listening to the album all
freestyle. That is where it are “Rebel Baz (Freestyle)” Pictures) B with Tricky New Order, and have no sense of going the way through is excruci-
anywhere. The odd track, ating stuff - my nervous sys-
BEST OF A BAD BUNCH ‘Major Magic’ stands out tem is still recovering from
BABYLON ZOO – ‘King Kong Groover’ (EMI) with the originality they numbness. The lyrics paint a
Has anyone out there heard of ‘Babylon Zoo’ since the suc- were trying to conjure in disturbing picture, a neo
cess of the single ‘Spaceman’? I think not. Nothing the this partnership, but these, film noir vision of desola-
band has produced since then has had the same effect. not by coincidence are the tion, debauchery and
‘Spaceman’ set a precedent that the band has been unable shortest in length and do lit- despair. As a concept for a
to live up to. Although I really like ‘King Kong Groover’ tle to reconcile an album film, a soundtrack maybe, a
with its brilliant vocals, lyrics and varied instrumentation, that’s all too ‘samey.’ 4/10 biography to gothic god
it just doesn’t grab your attention. It feels like background D.M.C. bachus (god of all things
music that you can switch off to. The song titles are worth bad ) it would be perfect, but
a mention though. Don’t you think songs like ‘Manhattan DREAM CITY FILM unfortunately as a piece of
Martian’, ‘Honaloochie Boogie’ and ‘Chrome Invader’ CLUB - In The Cold Light music, for entertainment, it
sound fun? I like this album but I also believe the band can Of Morning (Beggars frankly doesn’t do anything
do better. Banquet) for me. (8) for the idea, but
6/10 G.T. Named after an unlicensed (3) in practice. R.G.
porn cinema where dozens

Go February
11:
12:
Rising Star/ Hyperthermia / Stony Sleep @ Reading Alleycat
Jabba / Born Idol @ Reading Alleycat
Union Star / Spotless / Silverstream @ Aldershot WEC

See 13:
14:
15:
Pitchshifter @ London Astoria
Cheetara @ London Highbury Garage
Stay @ Home

Live! 16:
17:
18:
Budapest / Orco @ London Highbury Garage
Mamod / Blue Swimmer / Fouth Quartet @ Farnham Maltings
Sona Fariq @ Londons Kings X Waterats
 Thursday 11th February 1999 n Entertainments Guide 7

OFU
Cineline Sunday, 8pm, Wednesday, 8pm, Lec.
0870 505 0007 Lec. Th. G Th. G
WWW.ODEON.CO.UK If you missed The Wedding Singer Stephen King’s Thinner: Lawyer
Saturday Friday Thursday Wednesday Tuesday Monday Sunday Saturday Friday

Fri Feb 12th - Thurs Feb 18th 1999 first time round, then make sure you Billy Halleck weighs over 300
12th

You’ve got mai l- Sun 18.30 don’t make the same mistake twice! pounds and seems unable to
This Year’s Love - Sun 18.10 Set in the gloriously pink and fluffy diet...until he is cursed by a gypsy
A Bug’s Life ‘80s, T.W.S. gives you the chance to and miraculously is reduced to mere
fri-sat 10.45 11.30 12.00 13.10 14.30 15.35 16.15 feel nostalgic for a time that many of chubbiness, then still further to prac-
you (luckily for you!) were too young tically skeletal. He enlists the help of
17.00 18.00 18.45 19.30 20.20 22.00 22.30
see ad on page 10 to remember. Robbie (Adam Sandler) a mafioso to help him beat the gyp-
sun-thurs 11.00 not sun, 12.15 12.50 13.30 15.00
is a failed rock star who sings at wed- sies, but this leads to further tragic
15.30 16.00 17.30 18.00 18.30 20.00 21.00 ding receptions - a job that he finds consequences. Sticking faithfully to
Shakespeare in Love satisfactory but fiance Linda does Stephen King’s book - one of his
fri-sat 12.15 15.10 18.30 21.20 not. She leaves him at the altar. Nice more focused and personal works -
13th

sun-thurs 12.05 14.50 17.45 20.35 guy and matchmaker, Robbie is bro-
Hilary & Jackie ken-hearted (and this leads to a hys-
fri-sat 15.30 19.00 21.50 terical performance at one of his
sun-thurs 14.50 17.45 20.35 engagements) - but soon falls in love
with waitress Julia (The very
Don’t go Breaking my Heart
phwoarrrr-able Drew Barrymore)
fri-sat 14.15 17.35 20.00 22.10
who is herself about to
and featuring a cameo from King
himself, the horror of this film comes
from its relevance and realism in its
modern, urban setting. Tickets as for
The Wedding Singer (but guest tick-
ets are 2.00)

Sunday
sun-thurs 14.15 16.30 18.45 21.00 get married to two-tim-
Jack Frost ing typical 80s bloke
fri-sat 12.15 14.45 17.15 19.50 Glenn. Whether you love
14th

Night
sun-thurs 12.10 14.30 16.40 18.50 80s style and music, or
Madeline you just want a good
fri-sat 12.40 14.50 17.20 laugh at the hairstyles,

Live
sun 12.10 14.10 fashion sense and the
sounds of Iggy Pop and
mon-thurs 12.30 14.35 16.45
The Police, The
Hideous Kinky
Wedding Singer has
fri-sat 21.15 got it all - and more.
sun-thurs 20.15 Season tickets for all the
Very Bad Things OFU and Arts Cinema
15th

fri -sat 22.10 films are available for

sun-thurs 21.00 7.50, or guest tickets for
Stepmom individual films are 2.50
fri-sat 16.30 21.50 (available from union
reception or by filling in
sun-thurs 15.20 20.30
a slip in the union
Practical Magic
postroom at least an hour
fri-sat 14.05 19.20 before the film.)
sun-thurs13.05 18.10(not sun)
16th

Lunar Lisa and Mystic Moonda

AQUARIUS
21st January - 19th Febuary
Celebrations have been on your
mind recently. You always seem to
be recovering from one hangover
just in time to get another - good for
17th
TAURUS
21st April-21st May
Your head is so high up in the
clouds at the moment that it would
be foolish of you not to invest in a
crash-helmet in case you get hit by
LEO
21st July-23rd August
Since you calmed down last week,
you seem to have been attracting
more sophisticated members of the
opposite sex. Make the most of
SCORPIO
24th October-22nd November
Be careful what you say to others as
you’ve got a sting in your tail this
week. Shut up.
Unlucky object; A microphone and

you. Just remember to stock up on
pro-plus and asprin on your next
shopping spree. We wouldn’t want
you to be seeing stars as well now
would we?!
Unlucky Object; The big white
telephone.
Chance of a Valentine; 38%
POOL PISCES
18th
a passing aeroplane. The shock of
reality will hit you, just make sure
its soon.
Unlucky Object; A handful of heli-
um balloons.
Chance of a Valentine; 15%
GEMINI
22nd May-21st June
their suave style by encouraging amp. (u.w.p.)
them to take you somewhere exclu- Chance of a Valentine; Maybe next
sive on Sunday. year.
Unlucky Object; A happy meal.
Chance of a Valentine; 68%
VIRGO
24th August-23rd September
Last week when we suggested that
you should borrow a Leo’s fishnets,
SAGITTAURUS

20th February-20th March we didn’t mean for you to put them

Competition An unexpected letter will reveal a
hidden secret. Trust your first reac-
tion and respond quickly. New
7pm doors could open for you if you
choose to follow that path. Just
remember to turn off the lightswitch
before you leave the room.
Unlucky Object; A real heart on the
front of your valentine card.
Chance of a Valentine; 74%
19th
Time to buy a lottery ticket as lady
luck will be passing your way soon.
Take this opportunity to try out new
things which you may not have
considered before. Apparently
Lama farming is in vogue this sea-
son.
Unlucky Object;A lama.
Chance of a Valentine; 57%
on your head and threaten the nice 23rd November-21st December
people at Natwest (if we had
realised you were intending to do a
Pluto is woofing with excitment
this week as you will get more
bank job we would have suggested attention than you anticipated. Lets
nylons). This week we will suggest
something a little less confusing.
hope the postman doesn’t slip a
disk delivering all your valentines!
Why not buy a classic little black Unlucky object; A dead postman.
number...something between 1 and Chance of a Valentine; 97%
10 would be nice.
Unlucky object; Red hair dye,

because it makes your head look

ARIES
21at March-20th April
You’ve been sensing that a certain
person is feeling some hostility
towards you for reasons you are
unsure of. .Don’t trouble yourself
about their behaviour as although
you have convinced yourself that
you have done something drastic to
20th
CANCER
22nd June-23rd July
Get in touch with your generous
side this week as loved ones are
being demanding. Respond to their
needs. Well, that’s what Juipiter
told us anyway.
Unlucky object; A commonal gar-
den weed.
like a bean.
Chance of a Valentine; 89%
LIBRA
24th September-23rd October
A way to a wo/man’s heart is
through his/her stomach. So if you
will insist on making cakes, ask for
Mr Kiplings help. Alternatively,
CAPRICORN
22nd December-20th January
You’ve been wearing those beer
goggles a little too much recently. It
seems that some of the people
you’ve pulled look like ill-tem-
pered, mutant, specials from the

upset them, rest assured, you
haven’t. Besides, everybody else
though it was funny when you
shaved their eybrows off.
Unlucky Object; Freddie Meyer’s
new single (as seen on TV).
Chance of a Valentne; 72%
Chance of a Valentine; 20%
you could adopt the tried and tested
method buying them a...
*Couple, *Several, *A ridiculous
amount of doubles. (delete as
appropriate). Unlucky object; An
alluring and desperately attractive
non-drinker (God Damn it!)
Chance of a Valentine; 56%
Veggie. Oh dear. Ask a friend for
their opinion next time you get the
urge to do something insane
Unlucky object; Soup.
Chance of a Valentine; 32%
Lunar Lisa and Mystic
8 Feature
All work and no play...
he last of your stu-
T dent loan is long
gone, the hard earned
money you saved during the
summer which you
promised yourself would
last all year is now nothing
but a very distant memory.
You are just going to have to
face it, you are going to
have to get a part time job.
Working your way through
university is not as bad as
you might think, it all
depends on which kind of
job you want, how well you
can integrate it into your
busy schedule, and whether
you will enjoy doing it. So
how do you go about find-
ing yourself a job? There are
so many ways! First it helps
to think about what kind of
job you want to do, but even
having an idea about what
you don’t want to do can
help. When I first started
thinking about what I want-
ed to do to earn a bit of cash,
I knew that I did not want to
work anywhere which
would involve me carrying
hot food or beverages.
Why? Because I knew that
my hot beverage carrying
skills are not up to much and
sooner or later I would end
up spilling something over
someone, and knowing my
luck it would be somebody
important!
Another thing to think about
is when you are going to be
able to work. Just because
you don’t have any lectures
doesn’t mean that you will
necessarily be able to work
then. At some point during
the 168 hours which make
up the week you need to eat,
sleep and yes, actually do
some of your course work,
and then comes work. Take
in to consideration when
you do your course work
best, if you work best during
the day consider working in
the evening, and visa versa.
But remember if you do
work in the evenings make
sure you give yourself some
free evenings, “all work and
no play....blah...blah....blah.
but it is true. You don’t
want to end up as a sad
Herbert with no friends to
go and spend your money
with!
So with all that in mind I
visited the union run job
shop which consists of
several folders which con-
tain details of jobs that are
available in the area in and
around Guildford. The job
shop for those of you that
are interested is situated
next to the union reception
and consists of several fold-
ers containing details of
available positions in vari-
ous companies. From there I
got a better idea of what
kind of work was available.
My problem was that the
work that I was interested in
doing was for the most part
out of Guildford, and I don’t
own a car so it would have
been virtually impossible
for me to get there. That
was probably just a case of
bad timing, the day after
there were probably hun-
dreds of jobs in Guildford.
It is all the luck of the draw.
My next stop was a walk
around Guildford town. It is
amazing you many posters
there are about in shop win-
dows advertising available
positions. At the end of an
hour I had over 10 different
application forms to fill in.
Then the long process of
filling them in started.
However the way that I did
it is by no means the only
way. There are agencies in
Guildford which will find
positions for you. Or if you
have a clear idea of where
you want to work send them
a copy of your CV with a
covering letter. The way
that one of my friends found
Thursday 11th February n
her job was by sitting down because you will get a tax the job has to go. You are at
one day with a yellow pages
and a telephone and just
phoned around until she
rebate at the beginning of
the new tax year.
university to get a degree,
and it is better to be poor
while you are at uni and then
found a place with a vacant So, one last note, if you have rich afterwards when you
position. In her case it was
a hot beverage carrying
institution. Another almost
sure fire method of finding
managed to get the part time
job of your dreams don’t let
it run your life! Working can
be addictive, especially if
launch into you successful
career, than it is to be well
off at university and have a
lower degree than you were
work is to ask your friends you can justify working all capable of getting if you had
who already work if there the hours of the day for that not worked.
are any vacancies going that extra bit more money. If
they know of, which gives you find your uni work suf- Ellen van Keulen
you the added bonus of fering because of your job,
being able to work with one
of your friends.
So you’ve filled in all the
application forms, you got
an interview, they actually
offered you the job, you’ve
reached your ultimate goal!
You now just have one final
hurdle to jump before you
are on your way to having
cash in your pocket, and that
comes in the form of emer-
gency tax. For those of you
who have never had a job
before you will probably
learn very quickly about
emergency tax. Because
Her Majesty’s Tax
Inspectors have no record of
you having a tax record they
take almost a quarter of your
earnings! This matter can be
simply resolved by talking
to the payroll or personnel
department and filling in the
right forms. Don’t worry if
you don’t get your money
back straight away, just
think of it as a saving fund,
 n Thursday 11th February Personals & Crossword 9

Crossword No 93 Dr Russ Personals

Across
1. Appease (6)
4. Fuel that 13 down needs
(6)
9. Dance (5)
10. Running away together
(7)
11. Older, but (8)
12. Tidy (4)
14. members of the family
(9)
18. Ceremony (4)
20. One who is no longer
married (8)
22. A bird - (7)
23. Chemically inactive (5)
24. Repels (6)
25. Thoroughfare (6)
Last weeks solution
Across: 1.camel 4.drastic
8.rancour 9.train 10.lute
11.overleaf 13.furore
14.kipper 17.abdicate
19.oral 22.throb 23.knavery
24.creator 25.radar
Down
1. A vegetable (6)
2. Frankness (7)
3. The goal is the goal in
this! (8)
5. Public school (4)
6. Lift up (5)
7. Illuminations (6)
8. Trains speed (11)
13. Car driver (8)
15. To hide (7)
16. Drive forward (6)
17. Half a dozen players (6)
19. A flower (5)
21. Mark left by a wound (4)
Down: 1.coral 2.moster
3.look 4.derive 5.asteriod
6.trace 7.conifer 12.brickbat
13.frantic 15.portend
16.stoker 18.dirge 20.layer
21.flair
Compiled by
Dear Russ
Can you tell me about the
written tests which I know
some employers use at selec-
tion centres?
Dear Paula
There are a number of tests
which employers use which
involve writing. They are usu-
ally designed to measure a
range of qualities besides sim-
ply the ability to write clear and
effective English.
The first one which I’ll
describe requires that you
respond to a letter of complaint
from say, a colleague, or a cus-
tomer. Although the detailed
circumstances will vary in each
case, there are some general
guidelines which might help
you. Make sure you convince
the recipient that you have
understood their problem.
Consider whether an apology is
required or whether an expla-
nation would suffice instead.
Avoid responding aggressively,
try instead to be both polite and
tactful.
Another test involves analysing
a mass of complicated written
material before presenting a
reasonable solution to the prob-
lems which it contains. There
aren’t necessarily any right or
wrong answers, the assessors
are simply interested in know-
ing whether you have under-
stood the issues and whether
your proposals are well thought
out. Whilst the written part of
this exercise can be minimal, it
is important to make sure that
your recommendations are
lucidly and logically presented.
One of the most popular tests is
known as the in-tray exercise.
You are asked to play the role
of a personnel manager who
has returned from holiday to
find a huge pile of papers wait-
ing to be dealt with. Your task
is to separate the urgent from
the non-urgent and the impor-
tant from the unimportant. The
key to doing well in this test is
to skim all of the papers very
quickly at first. It is tempting
to try to read everything,
including the cleverly placed
30 page report which would
take up the whole of the time
allocated to the test if you fell
into the trap of reading it!
After your initial skimming,
attempt an early prioritisation
of papers. Some are obviously
important - like the memo from
the managing director request-
ing a review of safety proce-
dures following the recent fire.
Take a look at your watch and
see how much time you have
for a more detailed look at the
material. This could lead to
some changes in your priori-
ties. The written summary of
your recommendations is, once
again, fairly brief, but should
nevertheless be clear, logical
and concise. You must take
care to leave enough time to
write your summary. The
assessors won’t be able to
guess what you intended to
write after you’d found you’d
run out of time!
Russ Clark
Careers Service
■Are you local?
■Gorgeous hunk of masculini-
ty answering to Dave, Steve or
Matt sought by ginger bomb-
shell by Feb 14.
■Deb, I thought you told me
you couldn’t swim? Well done,
I’m suitably impressed.
■When it came to love, unity
and freezer space Speirs 4 was
at the back of the queue!
■Grrr... Jessica & Vicki...
Yummy!
■Energiser Bunny’s batteries
need changing!
■I leave you alone for one
night and look at the problems
■30 and Gem - too drunk for
Bo’s!!!!
■Not drinking again??? As
if!!!!!
■W.A - So is your landlord still
a rent boy?
■T - lets talk about jelling
■D - Was Mr.T Gay?
■Happy 21st Birthday Heather
the Feather!
■Heather, Have a Luminous
Yellow 21st Birthday!
■Heath, are you having 21
Piercings to celebrate?-Z
■Long ago it must be,I have a
photograph,Preserve your
memories, They’re all that’s
left you. “
■Three in a bed in No. 13 -
Nick you rock stop sliding
down the stairs it’sdangerous
for your health and that would-
n’t please the mooses
■Friday the 12th, judgement
day for SOMS
■FNO watch out we’re on the
rampage
■They may be small Haggis
but they are perfectly formed
■Love has no anger like a
gers
■Mr.Pumpy is on the swim-
ming team....he’s doing the
breast stroke...
■Grr.....
■They don’t do Cornish
Pasties in Magaluf
■Foreign spies wanted for
week before graduation
Location:Magaluf
■I guess now you’ve got him
back you won’t need me any-
more but I DO still exist!!!
■Fat Cow Poo Poo..... No
Alcohol This Friday?!?!?
MoOoOo
■Matt- CIT, can’t beleive you
turned her down...
■James, next time use the
spoilers to stop and watch out
for the buildings
■Half past three, Nanny Ogg?
■Baa! Get a new fleece,
Sheepgirl!
■I want to break free! Did they
play that one when we were in
the cages? I can’t remember -
can Dave?
■Happy Valentine’s Day to all
my friends. Love Deb x
■It’s simple. Neil. I must have
him. If Neil is there no-one gets
in my way. You cannot stop
me.
■I must have every version of
everything Neil has ever done.
I’ve got some bog roll he used
you know.
■Don’t you understand, Neil is
life. He is truth. He is beauty.
HE IS GOD!!!!!!!!!!!
■CLAIRE...IF YOU WANT
PEACE AND QUIET! GO
AND LIVE IN THE JUN-
GLE!!!!
■Alice, cath court 7a1, cheer
up, we can paint my walls if

NOTICES
Jeff Blackham woman scorned you like! loads a love vic.
■Did I really come the other ■Winston on a comedown =

Learning To Listen
day, perhaps you need to try puff puff x 16
again. BBB ■ Baby, its one day to go!!!!!!
■Al we love you ■Emma (twinkle toes) for

To You
NEW MARKET voice your views. SPeakers:
■TBOGN - lets pull some Physics cheerleader
Richard Powell from Novartis
STALLS good ones this time ■Phil, does Amy want it? Ooh,
Seeds, Adrian Bebb from
■I will see you when you get suits you.
ast week the latest of Every Tuesday - Stall selling Friends of the Earth. Chaor:
■Ned, does Amy want it? Ooh,

L
the “Skills
Development
Workshops” took place in
the Grant Mitchell room.
“Learning To Listen” was
attended by 18 students and
was exceptionally good.
NUS Regional Officer
Ewen Wilmshurst and
Student Affairs Officer Gill
Venables lead the course on
how to listen more effec-
tively. The reasons for com-
ing varied: from wanting to
take patient history’s better
to simply broadening ones
horizons.
The 2 hour session included
theory, group discussions
and practical exercises. A
lot was learnt in a short time.
Areas covered included
open and closed questions,
body language and do’s and
don’ts of communication.
Everyone agreed that it had
been extremely worth while
- I gave it 10/10. For more
details on future Skill
Development Workshops
see the advert opposite.
The event was useful for 5
students in particular. Five
Nightliners took part in the
course which very closely
matched Nightline’s basic
training. (In fact we urge
everyone who went to con-
sider joining Nightline-we’d
love to have you).
On Sunday, 10 Nightliners
also under went an intensive
5 hour advanced training
course. This dealt specifi-
cally with how to help peo-
ple calling Nightline. It
involved role playing, cou-
pled with evaluation and
advice.
This is all part of Nightline’s
relaunch this semester. Our
volunteers are available to
help you cope with any
problems or worries you
may have. Our office in
Surrey Court is OPEN at
least 3 days a week includ-
ing Monday and Thursday
from 8pm till late. Don’t suf-
fer in silence, call us.
cheap good quality cards, gift
wrap, notelets etc.
Weekly markets are held in the
Union building on Mon, Tues,
Thurs, Fri.
The Jiu Jitsu Club
EGM - 21st February after
the training session. 8pm
The new register of
electors is now available.
Pick up a copy at the Union
reception in office hours if you
would like to check our elec-
toral status.
Extreme Sports
Parachute course for static line
jump -1st & 3rd of March
£80 Interested please contact
Tony at php1ae or leave a note
in the pigeon hole
The ArabSoc
welcomes you to the Arabic
night on thursday 11/02/99 in
the Helyn Rose Bar at 9pm.
Tickets £3
Genetically modified food -
Safe or Suspect? Public meet-
ing Tuesday 23rd Feb @
7.45pm. Hear both sides and
Prof Vincent Marks, Dean of
Medicine, UniS. St Saviours
Centre, Woodbridge Road,
Guildford (opposite Law
Courts). Details 01483 566480
LAPTOP for Sale
Toshiba Sattelite pro 405 cs
CD Rom, modem, Microsoft
Office
£800 o.n.o.
Tel Joel Russel on0171 723
4747 or 0956 333117
Material and
Mechanical AGM
Thursday 11th February
13.00 Common Room
Please, Please make a concert-
pick up
ed effort to
your post from your
receptions. Post will only be
kept in the pigeon holes for a
short period of time.
The RAM is not closing.
Contrary to rumours circulated
recently the RAM Cider House
is not closing and BOGOFF
(Buy One Get One For Free)
still applies.
there
■Darling, I’m waiting for you suits you sir!!!
in my turretted castle... ■Hope Adrian was right Ned.
■But you can leave your hat ■Will you be my valentine
on. Love, your Eleanor. Snugglebum?!
■Watch out shagaluf, here ■Lindsey where did you meet
come the MECHIES! George?
■Al, Jo Bird says no shagging ■ Spikey Economist, What the
in shagaluf! hell has happened to your dress
■9 mechies and 6 H’n’C sense!!!!
arrested on flight to Magaluf, 1 ■ Girl with long brown hair at
sheep injured!!! Chancellors for Jazz night -
■The great Flanderino is on you’re mighty fine!!!
the prowl.......beware all gin- ■ Maria(daddy), We love you -
from your brats
SKILLS DEVELOPMENT
Negotiating with Others
Wednesday 17 February (4pm - 6pm)
This workshop will look at the art of persuasion and how
individuals can improve their chances of a win-win situa-
tion. This workshop is aimed at those looking to improve
their meeting skills or liaise closely with other organisa-
tions as well as course reps and Union officials. The ses-
sion is led by Sharon Baker, former Students’ Union
President and now working at Media-Matters.
For more info or to sign up, contact Rodney Bates by e-
mail (R.Bates@surrey.ac.uk) or call ext. 3177.
10 Films, Reviews & Previews Thursday 11th February 1999 n

What’s On
Guildford Civic Hall (01483 444555)
Brown, Rose & Beer (11th Feb / 8.00pm / Tickets £10) An
unplugged concert featuring the legendary man of ‘Fire’
Arthur Brown in a unique acoustic format alongside the
accomplished Tim Rose (the original artist behind the Jimi
Hendrix hit ‘Hey Joe’) and Cheryl Beer.
A Night At The Opera (12th Feb / 7.30pm / Tickets £13
balcony £10 stalls) presented by the Guildford Philharmonic
Orchestra. The programme for this evening features music
by Mozart, Rossini, Bizet, Verdi and Puccini.

Guildford’s Yvonne Arnaud Theatre (01483

440000)
Craig Charles The Prisoner of Second Avenue (Tues 2 Feb to Sat 13 Feb
/ Times vary / £10 to £21.50) The Prisoner of Second

Bound and Gagged
Guildford Civic Hall
05/02/99
raig Charles was in a
It’s not of course that he’s
no good, it’s just the Surrey
people. Having to put up
with the faux superiority of
Avenue brings together two of America’s major stars,
Richard Dreyfuss and Marsha Mason. This is a hilarious,
heartfelt account of one man’s mid-life crisis, and how he
overcomes it.
The New Victoria, Woking (01483 761144)

C BBC2 sitcom called

Red Dwarf, and is
currently presenting Robot
Guildfordians, it
refreshing to see them
was

mocked. This isn’t sophisti-

Wars. Oh, and he was held
at Her Majesty’s pleasure
for a while, but I suppose
you know that already. And
let’s be honest, we only
know he’s on Robot wars
because it follows The
Simpsons. So he is really
only famous for two things.
But, it’s been said that he’s a
dab hand on the stage,
enthralling allcomers with
jailbird tales, sharp heckler
rebuts, more than adequate
ball control and a spot of the
old Keats in his contempo-
rary, northern style.
Well what’s on offer
tonight.......well it’s the only
unsold-out gig of the tour
and Craig in his ubiquitis
style is not in any way shy
in his explanation of this.
Lucy Porter
cated humour, but Charles
has an air. It’s an air of
someone bestowed with a
comedy ability that can take
the simplest of ideas and,
well, make you laugh.
There is a ‘sick’ section, a
bit on relationships, a curso-
ry mention of being behind
bars and a self deprecation
ranging from turd imperson-
ation to shameless sus-
pender wearing. But,
Craig’s piece de resistance
is his poetry, with a verbal
concoction and dexterity
that is unique and makes for
wonderful spectacle.
Daniel Jones and Kate
Tuson
New season of Red Dwarf
starts 18th Feb
The Carlsberg Ice
Comedy Network this
Monday (15th February)
n the past three years Lucy has performed
The Gin Game (Mon 8 Feb to Sat 13 Feb / Times vary / £6
to £16) ‘A Fine Romance’ meets ‘Waiting for God’ in this
charming and stylish classic comedy. Brilliantly crafted and
hugely entertaining, Broadway’s longest running play
comes to Woking prior to the West End. With Jean
Simmons and Joss Ackland.
Boogie Nights (Mon 15 Feb to Sat 20 Feb / Times vary / £7
to £19.50) Shane Ritchie stars in this brilliant musical set in
your local disco the night Elvis died. Boogie Nights captures
the heat, the madness and the joy of youth in 1977 England.
Wilde Theatre @ South Hill Park Arts
Centre, Bracknell (01344 484123)
We’ve Got Rhythm (Wed 10 Feb to Sat 13 Feb / 8.00pm /
£5 to £7.50) performed by In Harmony. From Gershwin to
Lionel Bart plus diversions to 60s’ and 70s’ pop and rock
all thrown together with a touch of comedy and shuffle.
Faust (Wed 17 Feb to Sat 20 Feb / 7.30pm / £8 to £11) per-
formed by Park Opera. The dramatic story of Faust, who sells
his soul to the devil in return for eternal youth. Sung in English.
Phil Nichol
orn in Scotland and raised in Tasmanian Devil with a guitar, mix in
B Canada, Phil Nichol is probably
best known as the guitar playing
member of top class Canadian musical
some wickedly funny songs and superb
improvisational skills. Phil is also a
superb character comedian performing
comedy trio Corky and the Juice Pigs
who have performed over 1,500 live
Greasy Fist Joe, Kenny Smiles and his
own rendition of Bjork as part of The
shows in Britain, Canada, Australia, Lenny Beige Show.
Ireland, US and Japan. His TV credits include the BBC’s HID-
Phil started his solo career in December DEN CAMERA, PHIL KAY FEELS...
1995 and in the short time since then has for C4, ALEXEI SAYLE’S MERRY

I stand-up comedy at venues up and down the

country including some of London’s most
prestigious comedy clubs.
built up an impressive set and a reputa-
tion as one of the most skillful and sought
after comperes working today. Imagine a
GO ROUND, and THE STAND UP
SHOW, both for BBC TV.
Summer 1998 saw Phil in his sell-out
solo stand up show at The Edinburgh
In 1995 Lucy went to the Edinburgh Festival. In Festival.
addition to performing a three week run at The “‘A stream of inspired lunacy .. a
Gilded Balloon, she went on to be a finalist in the rollercoaster ride, full of violent, unex-
Channel 4 sponsored So You THINK YOU’RE pected twistsand delivered at breakneck
FUNNY AWARD. Last year Lucy returned to pace.
The Fringe to star in a stand-up show alongside The Stage
Martin Bigpig.
I”Phil Nichol is one of the most bril-
More recently Lucy has contributed to a range of liantly talented actors 1 have ever seen
comedy documentaries for Granada Television ... and
and Greater Manchester Radio. In addition to extremely funny .. a genuine star”
having done a number of television reviews for Evening News
Radio 5 Live, Lucy is a regular cast member on
FLAT EARTH, GMR’s regular Sunday show. ,”Skipping nimbly back and forth
Her TV credits include ITV’s FUNNY BUSI- across the line that divides comedy and
NESS and C4’s GAS. dementia-”
“‘Solid filth free laughs and very sharp wit”.’ The Scotsman
The Comedy Review
“A rising star - one of the faces to watch out “if you can understand English and
for.” you.re allowed out of the house alone,
The Big Issue you have no excuse to miss this show.”
Three Weeks
 n Thursday 11th February 1999
Surrey Pride Star Profile Sports International
Number 12, Adam Bowen
Iron Mike Back Behind Bars
M
ike Tyson’s boxing career
has probably come to an
end after he was jailed
after a road rage incident. Tyson
kicked one motorist and punched
another after a minor three-car acci-
dent in Maryland last August.
In December, Tyson pleaded no con-
test, meaning he neither protested the
charges nor admitted guilt. Tyson
could have received up to 20 years in
jail. He was sentenced to two years
in jail on each count with one year
suspended, running concurrently. He
Vital Stats; was also fined $5,000 and will have
to serve two years’ probation and
Age: 23 perform 200 hours of community
Dept: Ex Civ Eng service upon release. With good
behaviour, he could be released in
Nicknames: Valleys, Welshie
six months. But authorities must
Measurements: 6”1’ also decide if Tyson has violated his
Sporting Interests (and why?): Windsurfing (I get wet probation from his 1991 rape convic-
in rubber!) tion. Tyson was released in 1995
after serving three years of a six-year
Marital Status: Definitely under the thumb!
sentence, and his probation was set
Personal Info; to expire in March. The decision
came three weeks after Tyson’s suc-
What is your favourite feature? cessful comeback against Francois
My impeccable Welsh charm [a large Golden Sheep medallion Botha, his first fight since he lost his
hanging between his loins - Sports Ed.] license for biting Evander
What do you go for in a woman? Holyfield’s ears during a champi-
onship bout in June 1997.
Great tits and arse, cute face - with at least half a brain [the half
that likes to say YES!]
Tyson was scheduled to fight April
Favourite Drink? Vodka and Orange
Favourite Food? Chilli
24 in Las Vegas against an opponent
Hungover Hockey
Favourite Music? R.E.M.
Sporting Info:
What does Surrey Sport give you?
Mid Surrey 1st X1 v Surrey Birds X1 1 - 1
inding eleven players for this
The usual, memory loss, a bad head on a Thursday morning, first
dibs on Langley’s sloppy seconds!
What is your;
F match proved hard. We resort-
ed to using the microphone on
stage in the union on Friday night to
most memorable moment in Surrey Sport?
Achieving University Half Colours for Windsurfing
funniest moment you can recall from your days at Surrey?
find another player. This was after
asking what seemed like every
female in the union. Nobody seemed
Running across campus in the nude at 5am after losing all my very keen on the 9.45am start!
clothes during the BUSA conference.
worst injury? None However, we were all there in the
worst STD? None spirit but not in body early in the
morning. After a munchie stop on the
Do you have any sporting superstitions? No
way and after going down a lot of
wrong roads we made it to University
How does Surrey Sport affect your Social/Private life? of London astro. We had a quick tac-
Enhances one/ Destroys the other tic talk and an even quicker warm up
and then set about with determination
to win this match. This was with the
Is sex better before or after sport?
usual Saturday morning hangover (s)
I regard sex like a Martini - it’s great anytime, anyplace, anywhere. or in Jill’s case not yet at the hang-
over stage!
Who is your sporting role model?
J.P.R. Williams (apparently THE most famous Welsh rugby play- We started off well with an immedi-
er of all time!) - [No, I didn’t forget to type this answer in, but I ate attack on their goal. Unfortunately
this was followed by a constant attack
suppose being Welsh, Holly and Adam don’t have to many other
on our own goal. Helen was amazing
sports personalities to idolise]
for her first time in goal, saving
everything! The whole team marked
Which sports personality would you most like to meet? well and consequently kept the ball
Not really a sports personality, but the man I feel has done the most out. When we did break the ball got
for Welsh rugby (zzzzzz!) in the last 30 years - Max Boyce!! [Not down the pitch quickly with the for-
Gregor Townsend then?] wards passing well between each
other. This was followed by a few
narrow misses on goal.
Sum yourself up in 3 words? Pissed Welsh Bloke
Still the ball was kept out by the
Holly’s nominated question; Were your Mallet and Balls wor-
defence, with Anna even deflecting
Campusport & Campusdance
thy of applause after a post BO’s match of Croquet?
I couldn’t possibly comment. You’d have to ask those present!
Now that you are a Star of the Pride, which question would
Interdepartmental Sport.
ID Sport is under way for this semes-
you like added to the profile list for next weeks Star, Tennis
ter. Please check the notice board in
superhero, Graham Swallow? Allegedly, you have been likened the sports centre for up to date infor-
to a particular breed of canine, would you care to elaborate on this
mation, fixtures and scores.
and tell us if your facial ornaments are real or not!
Sports Courses.
Thankyou, Mr. Bowen, who is currently engaged in some cut-
Book now for the next round of 5
ting edge research investigating the effects of Vodaphone use week courses. Including Squash,
on the aesthetic appeal of his Wedding tackle. Known to fre- Golf, Body Max and Body Blast.
quent BoJ’s in varying states of a drunken stupor, females may
Evaluation Project Spring 1999
consider themselves duly warned should he, disguised as an
attempt to recruit windsurfers, offer to talk them through the
process of rigging up! He serves up a fantastic question for the An evaluation of the classes and
courses of Campusport and
unfortunately named Mr. Swallow, who is cordially invited to
Campusdance will be taking place
pop in to the BF office on Monday morning, if he can bear to from the 14th Feb for 2 weeks.
tear himself away from trimming the hedge. Fifteen - love. This is your chance to make a difference!
During the Evaluation information
an
to be determined. The sentence
could lead to a review of Tyson’s
license by the Nevada State Athletic
Commission. Tyson can appeal
within 30 days. If the appeal is grant-
ed, he would stand trial on the
charges. The two victims of the road
rage attack settled out of court, and
were against sending Tyson to jail.
Tyson’s wife, Monica testified on her
husband’s behalf and said he was
under a tremendous amount of stress
at the time of the assault because of
his debts and his boxing suspension.
Prosecutors, however, hammered
away at Tyson’s violent past, refer-
ring to the fighter as a time bomb
waiting to explode. To be fair to
Tyson, it is true that for most of his
career he had been used by man-
agers, promoters and lawyers alike in
their attempts to squeeze every cent
they could out Mike’s increasing for-
tune. The result left Tyson almost
penniless as recently as last year.
Tyson was never shown love and
affection by those close to his boxing
interests; instead these people turned
him into the fiercest, fighting
machine ever to walk into a ring.
Sadly, this aggressiveness in the
squared circle spilled out, ultimately
destroying the man formerly known
as Iron Mike Tyson.
by George Pavlou
approaching balls with her arms, you
are in goal next! This led to a penalty
flick, which sent Helen into a bit of a
panic. After a quick coaching session
by Becky about how to make yourself
look big and stare them out Helen
was ready. Her opponent must have
been scared because she flicked it
over the top of the goal. This was
followed by jubilant screams of “
we’ll buy you a jug Helen!”
After half time we became even more
determined to score. Our teamwork
was evident as we put more and more
pressure on their defence, eventually
breaking with a goal by Kelly as she
slammed it past the goalie. We held
on to this score well with tight mark-
ing in the defence. Our fitness train-
ing was evidently coming in handy as
we all had far more stamina that kept
us going. Unfortunately within the
last five minutes the opposition man-
aged to score as they rammed it
through Helens pads! Considering
how much pressure had been on our
defence this was a good score to
come away with.
Thanks to Jimmy for umpiring, we’ll
not mention the long corner again!
Thanks to Sam for stepping in, please
come again and to Helen for playing
in the dreaded goal!
Chick with stick
on; who attends, why they attend,
what they like or what they would
improve, is collected from all of the
classes and courses. This information
is used to improve the programme for
the future. More importantly it is
used by Barry Hitchcock, the Sports
Director, when trying to improve
sport at the University of Surrey.
The evaluation is the means by which
you can have your say for the future.
If you are a regular participant at our
classes or courses please make every
effort to turn up and to have you say.
If you do not participate in any of the
classes or courses but would like to
have your say please write a note or
call in to the Sports Centre reception.
Jon Perrin
Surrey Pride
The Cleanest Sheet in Surrey
Hindhead AFC 0 GI Reserves 6
e finally did it! Eleven
W games into our virgin
season as a side, the
Graduate and Industrial year res,
finally kept their onion bag as
free from balls as a eunuchs off-
white Y-fronts. This magnificent
feat was only achieved by the
procurement of some fantastic
mid-season transfers from the
management team, as new boy
Gorman delivered a man of the
match winning performance
alongside jailbait Cake in the
centre of defence. Full backs
Muppet Linden and Ackbar
Bannister gave accomplished
displays at the back and provid-
ed excellent support play for the
attackers. With Gorman and
Bannister providing an awesome
aerial threat from Surrey’s cor-
ners the visitors were soon 3-0
up as Ackbar headed home and
striker Taffy Goodwin notched
twice to give us a comfortable
half time lead. The half time
team talk centred around consol-
idation as our home game
against Hindhead saw us nar-
rowly hold on to a 4-0 half time
lead, 4-3. The ref, Manuel,
added his own little pearl of wis-
dom, that we should “keep calm,
as they slow and fat, and when
late not mean harm but have
inadequate talent of football!”
Si, senor!
The second half saw Surrey’s
domination complete as we
weathered a brief spell of pres-
First Past the Post
hope you had a bit of luck
I last weekend, as I managed a
103-1 treble and a second
place out of five selections. Hoh
Express and Teaatral both won
at Sandown, where Torduff
Express finished a distant
fourth, Tonoco won by a head at
Wetherby and Fiddling the Facts
was bridesmaid again in coming
second to Irish mudlark, Him of
Praise. These figures take me to
15 winners and 10 making the
frame from 37 selections.
This weekend, there is not an
awful lot happening outside of
Sandown. Nevertheless, up at
Haydock, I take Island Chief to
sneak it from fellow Irish run-
ner, Step On Eyre, in the
£15,000 Mad Hatter Handicap
Chase. Back on the A3,
Earthmover should not have too
much problem disposing of the
opposition in the extended three
and a quarter mile Mitsubishi
Colt chase. However, the for-
mer hunter still has a bit to
prove following a fall in his last
outing. In the Mitsubishi
Shogun chase, Ask Tom will
probably need the run after an
eleven month break, so I am
going for Lake Kariba, who
will appreciate the extra furlong
of the seventeen to be raced.
The big race of the day is
undoubtedly the £100,000 Tote
Gold Trophy, in which some of
the hurdlers aiming for a tilt at
the Cheltenham festival prize
money will be having their final
preparation race. A third of the
five-day entrants contested last
year’s top novice’s crown, with
some improving more than oth-
ers this season. There is not
much value to be found with
the two favourites, Tiutchev
and top-weight Wahiba Sands,
so I am plumping for
Rainwatch. One to look for is
the returning to form Vent
D’Aout, whose stablemate
clinched second place in this
race two years ago for the same
11
sure that saw Hodgetts make a
save which deserved the white-
wash all by itself and took the
attack to the oppo. Camped in
their half for most of the 45, we
were disappointed to only put
three more past them as Baldo
and Taffy worked well up front,
with Spooner and Fitzygibbon
providing the engine to Brucie’s
steam roller in midfield. With
Morton and Van Cleef providing
some solid wingplay, the goals
came from Gorman’s converted
corner, Baldo’s cool strike from
outside the box and perhaps the
most dubious goal ever scored as
Skipper Cleef’s through ball
evaded both our strikers and the
keepers scuffed clearance to nes-
tle in the back of the net. We
could have hit a dozen but were
happy with the win and clean
sheet to end a two game losing
streak which puts us back in the
hunt for promotion. A fantastic
performance all round, including
a superb cameo from Buntas
London, which casts selection
problems for the absentees, both
explained and unexplained
(mentioning no names Daniel
Reid!!). Even with a relaxed ver-
sion of the train to play and play
for your place policy that the
Student portion of the Club
attempts to employ, I think the
‘go awol in a (probably) pissed
up stupor’, Reid ammendment is
pushing it a bit. Hope she was
worth it!
Van Cleef
by Eddie
owners at the rewarding each
way price of 40-1.
Further details of the William
Hill stock market flotation were
recently revealed. Budding
share owners can register to
receive the prospectus at any
betting outlet, but will need to
buy a minimum of £1000 worth
of shares, expected to be valued
at 150 - 170 pence each when
trading begins on 1st March.
Amateur jockey, Caroline
Haddow, celebrated her first
winner on her first ride when
she shocked the rest of the field
in taking Melomania to the
winner’s enclosure at 40-1. The
17-year-old had only had her
licence for two weeks, and
needed to be helped to her feet
after dismounting as her legs
‘turned to jelly’! Top owner in
both USA and Europe,
American born Paul Mellon,
died earlier this month at the
ripe old age of 91, after having
been ill for some time.
Perhaps the most famous race-
horse to don his colours over
the last seven decades was the
legendary Mill Reef, although
Mr. Mellon was still taking
great pride in seeing his latest
triumph in a low key race in
January. Phil Smith, British
Horseracing Board handicapper
for chasers, received the full
support of the BHB following a
series of complaints from dis-
gruntled trainers. The former
teacher, previously responsible
for handicapping sprinters on
the flat, replaced the much
respected Christopher
Mordaunt on 1st January, and
has run into a barrage of criti-
cism over his harsh treatment of
a number of horses. Visitors to
Brighton racecourse on their
first meeting of the flat season
on April 29th will see the first
stage of a £1.3 million facelift
to rejuvenate the South Coast
course.

Ultimate Frisbee
comes to Surrey.
bet you have always
I thought that the only time
to chuck a Frisbee about
was while on the beach? Well
you’d be wrong, there is a team
sport based around the Frisbee
called Ultimate Frisbee.
Ultimate is an exciting, non-
contact team sport, played by
thousands the world over. It
mixes the best features of
sports such as Soccer,
Basketball, American Football
and Netball into an elegantly
simple yet fascinating and
demanding game.
When describing Ultimate,
comparisons with other team
sports are inevitable, but the
truth is it’s unlike any other
sport. Men and women play on
the same teams. There are no
referees. The rules are simple,
but the strategies can be com-
plex.
It’s a fast-moving, fast-thinking
game that has grown from its
origins in the late sixties
U.S.A. into a world-wide phe-
nomenon.
How do you play it?
The best way to make sense of
Ultimate is to see it being
played, but these are the basics;
Ultimate is a game of two
teams of seven players, played
on a pitch of comparable size to
a soccer field. The last 25 yards
at each end of the pitch are the
“endzones”. A goal is scored
by passing the disc to a mem-
ber of your team standing (or
more likely running!) in the
endzone your team is attacking.
Players cannot run with the
disc. A team can therefore only
move the disc upfield by
throwing it from player to play-
er. The defending team takes
possession if the disc touches
the ground, or if they make an
interception by catching the
disc or knocking it to the
he Surrey Stingers wel-
T comed the Reading
Knights on Sunday,
hoping to continue their good
run from last semester.
However, things do not always
turn out the way one expects.
The Stingers started off on a
high, playing power football
and running all over the
Knights’ defence for the first
Touchdown of the game. The
Knights then struck back twice
before the end of the half and
the score was 12-7 Knights.
ground in mid-flight.
The winner is the first team to
score a predetermined number
of points.
Spirit.
Ultimate is a non-contact sport
- any contact between players
which affects play can be
declared a foul. But there are
no referees. Players make their
own foul calls, and it is the duty
of all players to settle disputes
fairly. This is part of what is
known as “the Spirit of the
Game”, a central philosophy
behind Ultimate that largely
eliminates the gamesmanship
and “off the ball” incidents that
can spoil other sports.
“Ultimate stresses sportsman-
ship and fair play. Competitive
play is encouraged, but never
at the expense of respect
between players, adherence to
the rules, and the basic joy of
play.” – WFDF
If you think that you would like
to give Ultimate Frisbee then
we have 2 practice times:
Sundays 12.00pm - 2.00pm
(Starting 7th Feb) at the CAM-
PUSPORT Sports Hall.
Wednesdays 1.00pm - 3.00pm
(Starting 17th Feb) at the
Staghill Pitches (Opposite
NatWest Bank).
At these sessions there will be a
chance for you to have a go at
playing, just watch or ask any
questions that you have.
You can contact me Ben
McCormack at cs81bm or ext.
4194 and I will be happy to
answer any questions that you
have.
Don’t worry if you have never
heard of Ultimate before, as
most people there will be in the
same situation.
Come along and give it a go.
Ben McCormack
Stingers rocked by Knights
On the day, it seemed that
Surrey’s worst enemy were
themselves, the number of
penalties they got against them
for silly mistakes played a major
part in the game. On a number
of occasions, the Stingers’
defence showed their strength
only for penalties to give the
Knights the advantage back.
The second half started off with
another strong run by the
Stingers, where they again took
the lead and looked to be able
to finally overcome the Knights
Surrey Pride
Macho Males or
Simply Stupid
hey say that the female
T species is of a higher
intelligence than the
male and when no female wind-
surfers turned up at the crack of
dawn on Sunday, the rumour
gained a tonne of momentum.
Even so, it was the first wind-
surfing day of the year and we
went anyway. The happy six
testosterone driven fellas
lugged our equipment into the
dodgiest minibus on campus
and made our way to Queen
Mary’s Reservoir.
We arrived to find a pleasant
force 4 (gusting 5) northerly
whipping up a somewhat empty
reservoir. We were the ONLY
windsurfers, however, and pro-
ceeded to rig up in a show of
courageous/damn stupid brava-
do and donned the wetsuits.
Thomas, Trevor, Firos and Dan
were the first to grace the
waters and Thomas was last
seen leaving the shore before
disappearing from sight before
bailing on the first attempt of a
Birds Bounce Back
UniS WRFC 19 Hertfordshire Uni 17
ast Wednesday saw the
L first round of the BUSA
knockouts and the
WRFC had an away fixture to
Hertfordshire.
After a stressful bus journey, we
arrived at a hovel (a.k.a.
Hertfordshire uni's rugby
ground) and were greeted by an
irate Frank Butcher look-a-like
who turned out to be the ref.
Frank seemed overly concerned
about the time and daylight, or
lack of, so after a quick change
and jaunt up the pitch, the UniS
team were composed and ready
for action. For a team who are
usually one (or so) woman down
at the beginning of a match, for
once we were competing against
a team with an equal number of
players, and this only added to
our confidence.
The first half saw strong scrum-
ming from the Surrey team,
which led to two trys from 'our
marathon runner' Tracy, who
left the opposition in her dust
(or great clumps of mud as the
pitch was so awful!!) But some
unlucky penalty mistakes
allowed the oppositions fly half
to score twice and convert once.
Once we realized Herts were far
for good. But worse was to
come, the Knights scored again
to set the score at 18-14. The
Stingers then, needing 5 points
to win, meant a field goal(3-
points) would not be enough.
The Stingers kept trying to run
the ball upfield, but were called
back again, leading to a
turnover on the Knights’ 5-yard
line. They got the ball into the
red zone(0-20 yards) 3 times in
the last five minutes, but could
not seem to find the right com-
binations. The total rushing for
GYBE?? that day. Dan proceed-
ed to forget everything that he
learnt on the RYA 1 course by
sailing right across the reservoir
and forgetting the way home.
Firos made a brave attempt to
believe that he was sailing his
native waters of Greece but was
soon running for the showers
shouting something about being
fornicatingly cold! However, he
did achieve the longest shower
of the day putting in a stagger-
ing 60 minutes under the sprin-
kler (What could have occupied
him for so long?).
Hugo made his first entry into
the waters (Virgin Surrey
Windsurfer) on his arse and
commemorated the achieve-
ment by uttering “f@c% it’s
cold!!” I was beginning to
question the ‘Do or Die!’ spirit
exhibited at 10am as Hugo left
the shore on Dan’s equipment,
who had exhausted every ounce
of strength left in him to make
it back with body and pride
intact. Trevor at this point was
from a first-rate side we put in
some quality tackles and
mullered a couple of their play-
ers. Our skipper had a bit of a
head blow with their no.8 and
unfortunately their best player
had to retire from the match. A
reluctant Beth went off for the
rest of the first half with sus-
pected concussion.
After half time some great runs
and tackles from Claire, Dianne,
Bernie and Tracy and some out-
standing passing that even
Rocky would have been proud
of ("That nearly looked like
rugby!") led to a superb try from
Beth and was converted by the
Duracell Bunny to put us in the
lead 19-12. A now slightly
cocky Surrey side started to plan
for the night ahead and what
Bo's might bring, before a lucky
break form Herts and some tired
Surrey legs caused a final score
of 19-17. A big hand to all the
girls who turned up at Bo's, for
once we really did have some-
thing to celebrate.
Final Note: O.K., so maybe
we have had a pretty bad sea-
son, but at least we win when it
counts lads.
by Jodie Bryant
the Stingers was 155 yards
while the passing yardage was
14, all thanks to our excellent
Offensive line and our other
offensive players.
The Stingers defence and
offence gave it their best and
none can say that they did not
have reason to keep their heads
up after that performance.
Unlucky result for the Stingers,
but they can still make the play-
offs with two good victories
over Hertfordshire and
Kent.Yeti, Jorn-Are Johansen
having his own
little adventure,
and after travers-
ing the lake
claimed to have
cramp in his arm
and left the
waters for a for-
age in the under-
growth that
would leave
David Bellamy
flying the flag of
the green eyed
monster. His fun
was only cut
short by the time-
ly intervention of
the rescue boat!
To seal Hugo’s very commend-
able first day, it was my turn to
sail the waves. Without my har-
ness (Yes, Jason, you did forget
to give it to me!) my first icy
bath of the day was quick in
coming. In an attempt to show
how it should be done, the only
record I broke was the sea-land
cold water to hot shower speed
record! Sitting in the bar,
A Bolloxy Title!
Paul Cliff, Sports Editor
ith a pretty success-
W
ful first stage of the
BUSA knockouts
last Wednesday (wins for
Netball, Women’s Rugby,
Men’s Squash, Men’s and
Women’s Volleyball, and 3
Men’s Football teams) the
Surrey Pride rolls on to another
fantastic Wednesday afternoon
of sport this week with four
football games, one hockey,
one netball, squash and tennis
matches at the Varsity with
mens volleyball at
Campusport. No doubt blood,
sweat and tears will be shed on
our hallowed soil as these
brave warriors battle to carry
the Colours into the next round
of our inter-galactic (almost!!)
struggle against the oppression
of Sports Institute’s and
Facility’s of Sporting
Excellence. Who will win out?
Only time (and next weeks
pages of Surrey Pride) will tell!
Looking ahead to this week’s
action away from Surrey,
Howard Wilkinson run’s the
gauntlet in what is simultane-
ously claimed to be the best
and worst job in English foot-
ball as he prepares his squad
for Wednesday’s friendly clash
against World Champions,
France. Despite a few key
injuries, the mood in England’s
training camp at Bisham’s
Abbey is reported to be posi-
tive, ahead of this game, crucial
in the minds of the England
players ahead of next month’s
Euro qualifier against Poland,
in what could be viewed as a
warm up match for next week’s
Premiership clash between
ManUtd and Arsenal, given the
generous scattering of their
players throughout the squads.
The game will be shown at the
Varsity centre on Wednesday
watching the sunset we con-
cluded that it was “a great day;
lovely winds, loads of sunshine
...and bloody arctic tempera-
tures - but 2 out of 3 ain’t bad!”
We’re back next week, clima-
tised and set for a much warmer
day, Honest!!!
Jamesy
If you want to join the mad-
ness, Friday 1pm upstairs in
night, from 7pm, where hot
food and beer deals are avail-
able.
Elsewhere, Formula One motor
racing once again becomes
embroiled in controversy as the
sports top drivers have
expressed anger and frustration
towards the F1 governing body,
FIA, and its president, Max
Mosely, over proposed changes
to the regulations surrounding
car specification in a bid to
make the sport safer. The bone
of most contention, appears to
be the addition of a fourth
groove onto harder compound
tyres, which reduces grip even
further than the three groove
amendment change to last
years racing tyres. Most drivers
claim that far from increasing
the safety of the cars, the new
tyres will compound even the
slightest mistake in cornering
as the driver’s find it easier to
push the cars to the limit, and
eventually exceed it, causing
an increase, not the FIA
claimed decrease, in spinning
and therefore, collisions.
Furthermore, drivers claim that
the proposed changes may
‘sterilise’ the sport, as thrilling
overtaking manoeuvres
become a thing of the past and
races degenerate into a contest
of lap times and grid starts.
All the very best to those com-
peting on Wednesday (did you
win?) and over the weekend,
and I’ll expect some fantastic
reports on my desk at 9am
Monday morning. No, late
Valentine’s Day night hang-
over’s are not an excuse for late
submission Mr. Sports Officer.
Write About Sport; Write
About The Surrey Pride