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Punctuation in Dialogue. An earlier version was first published online at The Editors
Blog (theeditorsblog.net) 2010.
This version was also published as a chapter in The Magic of Fiction: Crafting Words
into Story 2015.
Copyright 2015 by Beth Hill
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any means
whatsoever without express written permission from the author. The exception
would be in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.
Although every precaution has been taken to verify the accuracy of the information
contained herein, the author assumes no responsibility for any errors or omissions.
No liability is assumed for damages that may result from the use of information
contained herein.
Punctuation in Dialogue
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IN GENERAL
Dialogue has its own rules for punctuation. Commas go in particular places, as do
terminal marks such as periods and question marks.
Only what is spoken is placed within quotation marks. Other parts of the same
sentencedialogue tags and action or thoughtgo outside the quotation marks.
Dialogue begins with a capitalized word, no matter where in the sentence it starts.
(Interrupted dialogue, when it resumes in the same sentence, however, is not
capped.)
Only direct dialogue requires quotation marks. Direct dialogue is someone
speaking. Indirect dialogue is a report that someone spoke. The word that is
included or implied in indirect dialogue.
Direct: She was a bore, he said.
Indirect: He said [that] she was a bore.
You need quotation marks around the spoken wordsalways double quotation
marks in AmE; usually singles but sometimes doubles in BrE. Quotes within
dialogue get single quotation marks in AmE and doubles in BrE (or singles if the
dialogue uses double quotation marks).
Commas are important when you include dialogue tags. When the dialogue tag
comes before the dialogue, the comma that separates the tag from the spoken
words is outside the quotation marks. When the dialogue comes first, the comma is
inside the quotation marks. Other common punctuation found in dialogue are the
em dash and the ellipsis.
And thats it for the basics.
Lets look at a couple handfuls of examples that cover both common and unusual
dialogue punctuation.
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He loved you, she said and hoped Sue didnt hear her.*
The action and dialogue tag can also come first.
Hoping Sue wouldnt hear, she said, He loved you.
Or you can put just the tag first and the action after the dialogue.
She said, He loved you, and hoped Sue didnt hear her.
* At least one source I read said that good grammar prohibits use of this
construction, yet another source I checked claimed that although this format
creates a problem with parallelism, writers could still make use of it. And fiction
writers use it frequently, both with and without the comma after the tag.
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But this isnt the only option. The first speaker might resume speaking at the same
point, but she might not.
He loved you
As if I could believe that.
Why do you always do that, jump in before I finish?
Dialogue abruptly cut off by the character himself
When a character cuts himself off, you have several options for what follows.
He can cut himself off and then begin doing something else, including thinking.
I told you I needed to s He slammed both fists to the table.
I told you I needed to s He suddenly remembered his sons
were listening.
He can cut himself off and then resume speaking without showing what interrupted
him. This construction is fairly uncommon.
I told you I needed to sNever mind.
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NAMES IN DIALOGUE
Always use a comma before and/or after the name (when a terminal punctuation
mark doesnt follow the name) when addressing someone directly in dialogue (even
if the name isnt a proper name). This doesnt mean you need a comma before or
after every name. Just the name of the character being addressed.
He loved you, Emma.
Emma, he loved you.
He loved you, honey.
He loved you, Emma, more than he loved Sally.
He loved you more than he loved, Sally. X
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that the speaker is talking to someone else. If you can make the change of focus
clear in the dialogue itself, try that first.
I wanted to know if James had planned to go to the game,
Maxwell said to me, finger pointing. He wasnt sure, said he had
to ask his wife. Thank God I dont have to ask permission of a
wife. None of that ball and chain stuff for me, no sir. I can go
where I want, when I want. Aint that right, Lucius? He turned to
our accountant. You and me, we dont have to put up with that
crap. Yep, freedom. Nothing beats freedom.
CHANGING SPEAKERS
Begin a new paragraph each time the speaker changes.
She looked up at the man hovering over her. Id wanted to tell
you for years. I just didnt know what to say.
Weve been married for thirty-four years, Alice. You couldnt find
a way, in thirty-four years of living together and seeing each
other sixteen hours a day, to tell me you were already married?
Im sorry.
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INTERNAL MONOLOGUE
Characters both think and talk to themselves. To differentiate between spoken
words and thoughts, we put only spoken words in quotation marks. For thoughts,
there are a couple of options.
At one time almost all thought and inner monologuewith characters in thirdperson narratives directing words to themselveswas written in italics. Yet with the
use of deep POV, we have less need to use italics. Readers know that the character
is thinking or speaking to herself, so theres no reason to use italics or special
punctuation to highlight that fact. As is true for first-person narration, any thoughts
are attributed to the viewpoint character.
So
Denise pushed her way through the bolts of hideous cloth. Geez,
whoever chose those fabrics had a serious problem matching
colors.
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#3 Nan studied the statue that couldnt have moved. I must have
lost my mind, she thought.
Its not as common to pair past tense and italics for thoughts (since one reason to
include thoughts is to show what the character is currently thinking), but a
character can refer to something from her past using this construction.
#4 Nan studied the statue that couldnt have moved. I must be
losing my mind, she thought.
Example #4 creates greater narrative distance than example #1. This is a common
construction.
#5 Nan studied the statue that couldnt have moved. I must have
lost my mind.
Because this example uses past tense for the thought, its not a common
construction, but its also not unheard of.
#6 Nan studied the statue that couldnt have moved. I must be
losing my mind.
Using italics without a thought tag is common, and maybe increasingly so. This
construction is not as distancing as is #4 with its thought tag.
#7 Nan studied the statue that couldnt have moved. I must be
losing my mind, she thought.
Using the thought tag without italics for the first-person present-tense thought used
to be an uncommon construction, but its being used more often. Still, that switch
to first person could be jarring for readers, at least the first couple of times it
happens.
#8 Nan studied the statue that couldnt have moved. I must be
losing my mind.
This first-person present-tense thoughtno italics or thought tagis still fairly
uncommon, but I have seen it used. Still, this is a construction that could definitely
confuse readers. Most writers would probably never use this construction.
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#9 Nan studied the statue that couldnt have moved on its own.
Shed lost her mind. Knew it would happen one day.
This last example is a variation of #1.
The switch to present tense and first person for thoughts or self-directed dialogue
in third-person present-tense stories is most often paired with italics and/or with a
thought tag (#s 4, 6, and 7) so readers arent confused by the switch from third to
first or the switch from past to present.
Yet there is that seeming trendor maybe its just experimentationthat allows for
no tag and no italics while switching to first person present tense in a characters
thoughts (#8). But readers could become confused when narration switches from
past to present or a third-person story suddenly seems to flip to first person.
For a tight narrative distance, try option #1 (or the variation in #9). Allow thoughts
(in third-person narration) to flow with the rest of the text, without pausing to tell
or show the reader that the character is thinking or talking to herself.
If youre using or want to create a wider narrative distance, use italics or thought
tags or both.
If youre game to try them, give #7 or #8 a shot. Just make sure that you set up
the unusual style right from the beginning of the story so readers get used to it.
You may want to limit this option to stories with only a single viewpoint character
(or perhaps two).
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what mechanism do they use to shut off their thoughts so others dont hear
everything theyre thinking, only the thoughts directed toward the other character?
And what mechanism do they use to broadcast thoughts at the same time to all
others who can mind-talksomething similar to an old-fashioned telephone party
line? And if multiple characters can mind-talk, how does a character send thoughts
to only one of them without others overhearing?
And just how far can a mind-talker send his thoughts? Does the other character
have to be in the same room? The same building? The same time period?
And can the character receiving the thoughts block them, or must he interrupt what
hes doing, thinking, or saying to listen to the thoughts?
And how does the one sending the thoughts know that the other character received
them? How does that first character even know where to send the thoughts? How
does mind-talk travel to one particular mind-talker but not another? Are we
assuming something like IP addresses for each mind?
Definitely some thoughts to explore if your characters can speak mind to mind.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Be consistent with punctuation. Include choices and allowances in your style sheet
so that you and others working with your text follow the same rules throughout the
story. Establish rules for punctuation in dialogue from the very first spoken word.
Dont overwhelm readers with the overuse of italicsreading long sections of
italicized text is more difficult than reading roman text.
I hope that Punctuation in Dialogue proves useful for you. Many more writing and
editing tips can be found in the handbook The Magic of Fiction: Crafting Words into
Story.
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