To become a person of character

BUSINESS MATTERS (Beyond the bottom line) By Francis J. Kong (The Philippine Star) |
Updated July 16, 2016 - 12:00am
Character is who or what you are even when nobody is watching. Nice words and I often use
this in my seminars, especially when I go to the part where integrity is important in effective
leadership.
But have you ever considered this question. Who or what is a person of character?
I have kept this material with me for years. Finally able to pull it up from my file and asked
permission to print this. Michael Josephson has beautiful things to say about being a person of
character. He is one of the top ethicist in America and you can find a lot of good stuff on his web
site: www.charactercounts.org
Josephson says: Lets face it. Its not easy to become a person of character. It takes a good
heart, but it also requires wisdom to know right from wrong and the discipline to do right even
when its costly, inconvenient or difficult. Becoming a person of character is a lifelong quest to be
better.
A person of character values honesty and integrity and pays whatever price is needed to be
worthy of trust, earning the pride of family and friends and self-respect.
A person of character plays fair even when others dont and values no achievement unless it
was attained with honor. A person of character has strong convictions, yet avoids selfrighteousness.
A person of character believes in the inherent dignity of all people and treats everyone with
respect, even those whose ideas and ideologies evoke strong disagreement.
A person of character deals with criticism constructively and is self-confident enough to take
good advice, admit and learn from mistakes, feel and express genuine remorse and apologize
graciously.
A person of character knows what is important, sacrifices the now for later, is in control of
attitudes and actions, overcomes negative impulses and makes the best of every situation.
A person of character willingly faces fears and tackles unpleasant tasks.
A person of character is consistently and self-consciously kind and empathetic, giving
generously without concern for reward.
A person of character feels and expresses gratitude freely and frequently.
A person of character is not defeated by failure or dissuaded by disappointment.
A person of character seeks true happiness in living a life of purpose and meaning, placing a
higher value on significance than success.
And Thomas Hardy says: Do not do an immoral thing with moral reasons.

I am in business and I have been doing business for the longest time. Funny, but every time you
hear people say, Francis, it is only business you immediately know some ethical lines will be
crossed.
I have worked with people whose eyes are always focused on the money and not on principles
in obtaining it, and relationships like these never last. The end justifies the means even if it
means character and integrity can be compromised. Well, look at it long term and business done
this way will always carry painful costs and lives involved will be hurt and pained.
Many people are so good in using right reasons to do wrong things, but right will always be right,
and wrong is always wrong. As an employer I want to hire people of character and whose trust is
beyond reproach, but I need to make sure that I display the same character in the way I deal
with money and people. You cant put a spin on character and trustworthiness. The truth will
always come out.
There is a vast difference between reputation and character. Reputation is what others perceive
you to be. Character is your true self without anyone around. And the best lesson I have learned
which I pass on to my children as well as to you is this. Just work on your character and your
reputation will take care of itself. Trust me. This works.
(Bring your leaders to the brand new Shangri-La Hotel at the Fort and experience two inspiring
days of leadership training with Francis Kong in his highly acclaimed and updated Level Up
Leadership on July 18-19. For further inquiries contact April at +639285591798 or Success
Options at 7270291 / 7275692 or register online at www.levelupleadership.ph)

Tito Sotto, no ones asking for it

THE UNGENTLEWOMAN By Gabbie Tatad (The Philippine Star) | Updated July 16, 2016 12:00am
Dear Tito Sotto,
My name is Gabbie, Im 30 years old, and I have a huge problem with you.
Lets start with the fact that for some reason, a huge chunk of the population trusts in your ability
to legislate, apart from the fact that you split time between public service a job that demands
most of ones time when elected and being a television presenter. Now, on this show you
seem unable to leave, a woman shared that she was taken advantage of by a man she knew, a
man whom she was drinking with immediately before the incident occurred. And of all the things
you could have said to this woman, you chose this: Kasalanan ng lahat ng yan ang pag-inom...
Kababae mong tao pa-shot-shot ka.Your colleague Jose Manalo was quick to add on,
Anong suot mo? Naka-shorts ka, no?
The aftermath was ugly, and people threw all the proper terminology your way, describing
exactly who you are and what you represent: a pig, a misogynist, a propagator of rape culture.
And yet, you were indignant and surprised. You responded to the backlash in a local news
outlet, saying, It was a simple reaction saying that a married lady should not be out at night
having shots (or drinking) with men other than her husband. Talagang mapapagbintangan
ka. Thats [the] context. Whats wrong with that?
Oh, honey. While you must be entirely daft for even asking, Im so glad you did.
Rape Culture
First of all, rape is rape is rape is rape. Molestation and any other acts of lasciviousness are
similarly so there is no justifying, there is no blaming anyone other than he or she who
committed the crime. Amy Zeiring, producer of the campus rape documentary The Hunting
Ground, in a panel with the New York Times, says it best: I want this to be thought of as a crime
like any other, because statistically, it acts exactly, it reads indentically as any other crime. But
its the only crime where, when it happens to you, people say, Are you sure you didnt mean to
give him the television set? What were you wearing when you said he took the TV?
Lets be honest. When you say things like what you said to that poor woman, you arent
protecting the sanctity of marriage and you know it. What you are telling this woman is that she
has her place society and that she shouldnt step out of line. That once she is married, she is the
property of one man, and she is no longer allowed to socialize with members of the opposite sex
that she trusts, if its after dark and her husband isnt present. So you are telling her, rather
explicitly, that having a couple of shots with friends is an invitation for any and all men to reach
into her shorts and take what she hasnt given.
But what you are also doing is telling men that they are equally allowed to take advantage.
Because by insisting that its her fault and that she had it coming for defying some archaic
convention, youre saying that if you have a penis and a woman in your periphery is drunk, its

fair game as long as you can hold her down. You are basically saying that men are all impulse
and no reason, that they possibly cant be held accountable for anything once their penises lead
the way. Youre insisting that because this is the case, the simple equation of liquor and male
friends (an equation so many of us find ourselves handling on the weekends, married or
otherwise) means she was asking for it. Newsflash, Senator Sotto: She wasnt. And I can sure
as hell tell you, that of the millions of people whove ever been assaulted sexually, no one ever
ever ever does.
Personally, I love whiskey, and I have no intention of apologizing for it. I wear shorts all the time,
because guess what, we live in a tropical climate. And yet the way Ive had to deal with sexual
assault my entire life has had to do with neither. A boy I went to school with tried to rape me
while I was completely sober and covered neck to ankle. Ive had men grope my butt on the
MRT and pretend it was accidental. Ive walked down the street only to get comments from men
who say theyd like to do things to me. But this is what it means to live in a place that so casually
promotes rape culture and victim blaming, that you accept that certain things happen as soon as
you step outside, and its time that stopped.
Its Never Okay
The one thing you, Tito Sotto, need to understand when it comes to the nature of assault is this:
A rapist or a molester doesnt do it because women are scantily clad or because women drink
with other men apart from their husbands. They do it because theyre sick, because they think
they can, because their actions are consistently pre-rationalized by men like you: men who
persist that there are circumstances in which its understandable that unwelcome advances
should occur. There are never any.
Even if I, or any woman for that matter, walk down the street completely naked, drunk as all hell,
and holding a bunch of sex toys, a man taking what I do not choose to give still cannot be
justified. Women will wear what they want, people will drink together, and life will go on as it
does, but under any circumstances, there is no excuse for a man or a woman to force
themselves on someone who clearly doesnt want it. Where there is no consent, there is a crime,
plain and friggin simple. It is wrong, it should be criminally prosecuted, and that I even have to
explain this to an elected legislator makes it all the more depressing.
Its because of you, and people like you, that just being female comes with so much fear. Being
born female already constitutes some sort of crime, because we are raised to keep our knees
shut, our skirts long, and our mannerisms in check. We are raised to apologize for our bodies.
We are made to apologize for carrying such a temptation for men, to keep the sexuality of our
nature hidden so as not to tempt what we cannot fend off.
But whose fault is it that men have been enabled to look at us, no matter how young or old we
may be, as something they can own and take? Why are we meant to make that adjustment,
when our sexual parts our breasts and vaginas arent intended simply for mans pleasure?
Theyre designed to give and sustain life, and so demand infinitely more respect than you and
the idiots you surround yourself with are willing to give. Were openly taught how to avoid
getting raped, but the easiest way to do so is to actually tell people, Hey, thats considered rape
and assault. How about you dont do that ever?

Its easy to make judgments when you werent there, and when youre not the one who has to
live with the aftermath. But heres an idea: take a look at all the women in your life, the ones you
treasure, the ones who are still young and the ones who have grown in wisdom. Tell me what
theyre worth, and tell me if theres any circumstance where you would stand for someone

putting his hands on any of them and violating them from the inside out. Tell me if thats what it
means when daughters wear shorts or bikinis, or when wives pour a glass of something strong,
that a man can do whatever he wants with them. Yeah, I didnt think so. But that is exactly what
youre condoning, and that, my dear, is exactly whats wrong with that.