Are you a rational or irrational thinker?

You may want to believe you are a rati

onal thinker, but you find that you are the eternal pessimist, able to see only
the half-empty glass in many situations you face. You are a rational thinker if
you turn negative situations into positive ones. You can face unpleasant-ant sit
uations and not become overwhelmed. You use your unique talents to resolve probl
ems and view the brighter side of your life. If you are an irrational thinker, y
ou will either overreact to problems or will not react at all. You will experien
ce intense emotion-al pain when challenged to take responsibility for your actio
ns or to acknowledge how your action may negatively impact another person. You b
ecome easily overwhelmed by the pace of work, family, and community responsibili
ties. You see negative qualities in the other person in your relationship and re
act in subtle ways to hurt him or her.
You have an internal monologue that runs through your day. Thoughts that are sel
f-defeating or that provide unrealistic expectations for you are irrational thou
ghts. Using words like always, have to, and never can make thoughts irrational a
nd expectations unrealistic. Thoughts that produce second-guessing messages such
as "would have," "should have," and "could have" are irrational. By focusing yo
ur energy on thoughts that will not resolve problems or engage others in the her
e-and-now, you can send subtle, hurtful messages to another person. Thoughts tha
t are uplifting and provide you with real solutions to everyday problems are rat
ional thoughts. Rational thoughts will not always provide you with a warm, fuzzy
feeling, but they will allow you to see the possibilities to get through the ch
allenges of life. Rational thoughts help you to keep your perspective and priori
ties grounded in the truth. When you begin to feel that your life is awful and t
here is no hope, you are thinking irrationally.

Did you know that your thinking will influence how you feel and behave? Your tho
ughts are the guiding force behind your total social presentation. When you thin
k rationally, you will experience positive feelings and demonstrate positive beh
avior. You will be more apt to act responsibly because you will see the situatio
n much more clearly and feel more positive that you are doing the right thing fo
r the other person. When you look at your relationship in a rational way, you ta
ke the time to assess how you are positively or negatively impacting the other p
erson. You will see the unique qualities of the other person in your relationshi
p. You will value the person's thoughts and feelings and allow this person to de
monstrate his or her talents. You will not place conditions on your love, and yo
u will engage in an open and honest dialogue.
Instead, you may be causing the shame, anger, and guilt in the other person in y
our relationship. You may be the source of the resentment or even the hate. If y
ou are involved in an unhappy relationship, you may be acting and feeling in neg
ative ways that are guided by your irrational thinking. If so, you would benefit
from knowing the factors that contribute to your irrational thinking. There are
three areas in which these factors may have surfaced during your life. They are
your psychiatric or developmental stability, your childhood family setting, and
your child-hood school setting.
by Jay Krunszyinsky
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