MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING: WHOOSH

Once there was a rich and famous Governor of Messina called Leonato. He had a virtuous
daughter called Hero, and a feisty niece called Beatrice. They were all pacing up and down,
waiting for their friends to return from the war. When they saw the soldiers returning on their
horses they jumped up and down for joy. They were lead by Don Pedro, a brave and noble
gentleman, closely followed by his faithful servant, Balthazar, his bastard brother Don John
(a nasty piece of work), and two very tasty young bachelors called Benedick and Claudio.
The soldiers dismounted and everyone gathered around Leonato, except Beatrice and
Benedick, who had known each other for a while and had a very feisty relationship. Benedick
teased It is certain that I am loved of all ladies only you excepted and Beatrice replied
I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me Meanwhile,
Claudio had his eye on Hero. He stood and moved away from the group so that he could see
her better, he rubbed his eyes, and felt his beating heart. He had fallen deeply in love. Then,
Leonato jumped up and said it was time for party and everybody cried hurrah!
WHOOSH
As everybody left for the party, Claudio drew Benedick and Don Pedro aside. Claudio had
fallen in love at first sight with Hero. Benedick smirked at him but Don Pedro offered to help
him win Hero with a cunning plan, saying I will assume thy part in some disguise And
tell fair Hero I am Claudio; and in her bosom Ill unclasp my heart. Then after to her
father will I break, and the conclusion is: she shall be thine! The plan was a sure fire
winner! Now, little did these three know, but hidden from view behind a tapestry was
Borachio, faithful servant to Don John. (Boo hiss!). Borachio was a sneaky, oily sort of a
man, who sniggered at how cunning and clever he was. He jumped up and went to find his
master. When Don John heard the news that Claudio was to woo Hero, he vowed to make
trouble. Just because he could. Well, its tough being the illegitimate one.
WHOOSH
Inside Leonatos house, all the guests were getting ready for the party. They put on their best
party clothes, and then each person put on a mask, so that nobody knew who anybody else
was. The guests stood up, and they laughed, and then everybody turned to the person next to
them. They greeted each other and then they took each other in their arms for a dance.
Round and round they danced, and everybody had a great time, enjoying the thrill of dancing
with a stranger.
WHOOSH
As promised, Don Pedro, wearing his mask, approached Hero for a dance. He bowed, and
she curtsied, and off they danced around the room. Then Benedick approached Beatrice for
a dance. Meanwhile, Don John, the rotter, approached Claudio. Pretending he did not know
who Claudio was Don John whispered into his ear that Don Pedro was in love with Hero and
wanted her for himself. Then he went off again, laughing evilly. Claudio watched Hero dancing

with Don Pedro and he was gutted. He said, Friendship is constant in all other things,
Save in the office and affairs of love. And he folded his arms and sat down in a huff.
Benedick and Beatrice were still bickering, Benedick said She speaks poniards, and every
word stabs! and Beatrice cried, I will go to the worlds end rather than hold three
words conference with this harpy. Now Don Pedro called Hero and Claudio together and
summoned Leonato, Heros father. The marriage was agreed and everyone was overjoyed.
And, in the spirit of the moment, Don Pedro got carried away, vowing that within the week
before the wedding he would make Beatrice and Benedick fall in love with each other. Some
hope!
WHOOSH
Meanwhile, Don John and Borachio were still plotting. Borachio hatched a plan to prove that
Hero was, in his words, a contaminated stale. He claimed that they could make Claudio and
Don Pedro believe that Hero was in love with Borachio. They laughed evilly, and Borachio
boasted, Well misuse the prince, vex Claudio, undo Hero and kill Leonato! Then off
they went to carry out their evil plans.
WHOOSH
Next day, Benedick was in the orchard muttering and moaning to himself about love.
Suddenly, he heard someone coming, and quickly he hid himself behind a convenient bush.
In came Don Pedro, Leonato and Claudio, conspiratorially. Out of the corner of their eyes,
they saw Benedick hiding and decided to put Don Pedros plan into action. Speaking loudly,
so that Benedick could hear, Don Pedro said to Leonato What was it you told me of
today? That your niece Beatrice was in love with Signor Benedick? Leonato replied in a
voice loud enough for Benedick to hear clearly ..She loves him with an enraged
affection..
Then the three of them walked away, laughing under their breath, to find Beatrice. Benedick
popped out from behind the bush, and he scratched his head. Then, he whooped out loud at
the thought of marrying Beatrice. Just then, in she came, grumpily. She said Dinner to
Benedick and then stomped off. Benedick could hardly contain himself.
WHOOSH
After dinner, Hero came skipping in, followed closely by her waiting women, Margaret and
Ursula. Carefully, Hero placed them all so that they were standing just by a convenient bush.
Just then, in came Beatrice, who ran like a lapwing to hide behind the bush. Then Ursula
asked, But are you sure that Benedick loves Beatrice so entirely? And Hero nodded,
warning that Beatrice would not be interested, Disdain and scorn ride sparkling in her
eyesshe cannot love! and off the three of them went, giggling. Beatrice stood up. She
could not believe her ears! Ashamed that her friends thought so little of her, she vowed,
Benedick love on! I will requite thee, taming my wild heart to thy loving hand!

WHOOSH
That night, Don John and Borachio put their wicked plan into action. They got Margaret, to
stand on Heros balcony with Borachio kneeling below her. Don John persuaded Don Pedro
and Claudio to watch. In horror, they see Borachio calling, Hero, sweet Hero. And in the
half-light, they believe it is Hero who is blowing kisses back to Borachio. Having seen enough,
the Dons and Claudio crept away. Then Borachio laughed and strutted around, very pleased
with himself, until two passing policeman, Dogberry and Verges realised what had
happened, and arrested him.
WHOOSH
Next morning, it was the wedding day. Hero, attended by Margaret and Ursula was getting
into her wedding dress. They fastened up her corset, and polished her shoes, and put on her
jewellery. Then, she gave them a twirl and they clapped. How beautiful she was. Meanwhile,
Dogberry and Verges came knocking on the door, which was answered by Leonato.
Leonato was struggling into his wedding outfit, trying to tie his tie, and far too busy to deal
with the ordinary affairs of Messina. Dogberry and Verges tried to tell Leonato that they had
arrested Borachio, but Leonato was too busy to listen to them.
WHOOSH
At the chapel, all were gathered for the wedding. The Friar was ready to do the service, and
Claudio and Hero stood before him. In the congregation sat Benedick, Don Pedro and Don
John on Claudios side and Leonato and Beatrice on Heros side. Just as the friar got to the
part where he asks if there is any reason why the two should not be married Claudio turned to
Hero and cried, Give not this rotten orange to your friend and he flung her back to her
father accusing Hero of being a wanton woman. She shook her head in shock, and turned to
her father, who also pushed her away. Then Hero, wide eyed with disbelief, fainted to the
floor. Claudio stormed out of the chapel, closely followed by the Dons. Suddenly, the Friar
stepped forward. He believed that Hero was innocent. He suggested that they tell everyone
that Hero had died of shame. In a solemn moment, all present nodded their agreement. Then
the friar helped Hero and her father away, leaving Beatrice and Benedick alone. At last
Benedick declared his love for Beatrice; I do love nothing in the world so well as you.
And Beatrice after a bit of witty banter also declared; I love you with so much of my heart
that none is left to protest. Benedick caught up in the romantic moment sighs Come bid
me do anything for you but is shocked and horrified when Beatrice weeping for her friend,
looks him straight in the eyes and commands, Kill Claudio!
Despite his shock Benedick could see how upset and determined Beatrice was, and, finally,
he nodded his agreement. He would challenge Claudio.

WHOOSH
Later that day, Leonato bumped into Don Pedro and Claudio. He shook his fist at Claudio
and said, I say thou hast belied mine innocent child, thy slander hath gone through
and through her heart, she lies buried with her ancestors. Then in came Benedick, who
drew his sword. Quietly, he challenged Claudio, saying , You are a villain. I jest notyou
have killed a sweet lady and her death shall fall heavy on you. Then, to top it all, in came
Dogberry and Verges, with their prisoner, Borachio. They flung him to his knees before
Leonato, and he whimpered his confession. Claudio realised what an awful mistake they had
made. He went down on his knees before Leonato and begged, Choose your revenge
yourself. At which, Leonato told Claudio that he must that night pay homage to Hero in her
tomb and the following morning he must marry Heros cousin to restore the family honour.
WHOOSH
That night, the family tomb was dressed for Heros funeral. Claudio and Don Pedro and
their attendants slowly processed in mourning around the tomb.
WHOOSH
The following morning, all the guests rose again, this time for Claudios wedding The friar
once more took his place, and Leonato, Claudio and Don Pedro and Benedick took theirs.
Then, four brides masked by veils stepped forwards, and Claudio took one of them by the
hand. He brought her to the Friar, where she threw back her veil and revealed herself to be,
Hero! Claudio was overjoyed! Leonato declared, She died, my lord, but whiles her slander
lived. The other three brides laughed and threw back their veils, and they were Margaret,
Ursula and Beatrice. Now Benedick stepped forward out of the congregation, and took
Beatrice by the hand. Both couples stood in front of the Friar. They exchanged rings, and the
wedding guests threw confetti and cheered. And Benedick at last felt he knew the secret to a
long and happy life, crying to all the assembled guests, Get thee a wife!, Get thee a wife!