Creating Irresistible Influence

with NLP
Reference Guide

created & presented by

Charles Faulkner

Copyright 2002 Charles W. Faulkner. All rights reserved in all media.

Reproduction without written permission is prohibited.

Table of Contents

Meaningful Influence

1.

Meaningful Influence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .3

2.

What People Really Want . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .4

3.

The Meaning of Things and Actions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .5

Influence only happens when something means something. After all, if something is
meaningless, it might get our attention for a moment, but it doesnt influence us. It
doesnt stay with us. When something means something to us, it affects our emotions
and our actions. The meaningfulness of something affects our degree of feeling. The
more meaningful it is, the more emotions we will have about it. Influence is the ability
to affect what something means.

4.

The Pyramid of Influence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .6

Ask yourself:

5.

Metaphors of Identity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .7

6.

Metaphors of Business . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .9

7.

Status and Getting Ahead . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .11

8.

The Five Life Purposes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .13

9.

Life Stories . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .14

What does what I am saying and doing mean to this person?

What else could it mean? What could I do to encourage that?

10. Business Stories . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .18

11. Influence and Congruence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .20
12. Influencing Identity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .22

What People Really Want

(The NLP Criteria Model)
Eve rything that people want, they want because of the values they feel will be fulfilled.
People evaluate everything based on whether or not these values are being fulfilled.

The Meaning of Things and Actions

Every thing, action, and experience has both a Utility Value and an Identity Value.
The Utility Value is the actual usefulness.
The Identity Value is all of the other qualities.

Values are the desirable qualities of things and experiences, not the things or experiences.

A persons things and actions are expressions of their Identity Values,

and thus their identity.

Many people dont know that their values can be fulfilled by other things or experiences.

The Identity Values/qualities are expressions of a persons Value Matrix.

A persons most important values are related to each other and form a Value Matrix.
When you acknowledge and fulfill a persons Value Matrix, you increase your influence.

Seeing values in clothes, personal objects, and environments:

What are the outstanding qualities?

Asking for values:

What do you like about...?
What attracted you to...?
Asking for higher values:
What's important to you about...?
What do you value about...?

What can their clothes, personal objects, and environments tell you about this person?
Ask about these. (See questions from page 4.)
Inferring values from actions, reactions, feelings, and beliefs:
Values can be met, not met, violated, exceeded, or ignored and they are still being used.
How would you feel if all of your criteria (values/beliefs in this area) were being met
(not met, violated, exceeded, ignored)

Finding out the have to values (the Value Matrix):

Values can be desirable (want, would like, prefer) or
necessary/driving (need, must have).
What is essential or necessary?
What is most important to you?
What has to be there?

The Pyramid of Influence

Metaphors of Identity

(The NLP Neurological Levels Model)

There are degrees of influence.

Metaphors simplify the ambiguity and complexity of life with vivid and
compelling images.

You can influence a persons Environment with billboards, TV ads, memos, etc.

Everyone uses metaphors to make sense of things, especially their lives.

You can influence their Behavior with laws/rules and enforcement and rewards.

Each Metaphor of Identity has its own distinct Pyramid of Influence and Value Matrix.

You can influence the Capabilities they engage with incentives, money, and membership.

Speaking to people in the language of their Metaphors of Identity is extremely influential.

You can influence which Values and Beliefs they hold with authority and social pressure.
And you can address their Identity (who a person thinks and feels s/he is or wants to be).
Identity is the most significant form of influence. Identity lets people know which
Values and Beliefs are theirs, which of their Capabilities to engage, and what
Behaviors to use with them. Identity guides people to create Environments that are
more aligned with their inner image.
The more your communication moves up the Pyramid of Influence, the more
influential you will be.

Asking for metaphors:

What does that mean to you...?
What does that remind you of...?
What is that like...?
What is that a symbol of...?
Seeing metaphors in clothes, personal objects, and environments:
What is outstanding? What is the whole picture? What things fit together as a group?
What can their clothes, personal objects, and environments tell you about this person?
Ask about these. (See above questions.)

IDENTITY
Who are you?
VALUES & BELIEFS
Why do you...?

Inferring metaphors from actions, reactions, feelings, and beliefs:

Imagine that peoples actions are visible symbols of values and beliefs.
What do you see?
What do these say about them?
Finding out the Metaphors of Identity:

CAPABILITIES
How do you...?

People can be more or less identified with any metaphor.

When a person does identify with a metaphor, s/he experiences that it is real.

BEHAVIOR
What do you do...?
ENVIRONMENT
Where do you...? When do you...?

This is a Metaphor of Identity.

What is ______ for you?
What is life like for you?
What best symbolizes life for you?

Metaphors of Identity
and The Pyramid of Influence

Metaphors of Business
The most common Metaphors of Business today are:
Journey
Highlights: destination/lost, travel, adventure/wealth, unpredictability, a long time
Hides: complexity in business
Leadership: Captain, Guide

Most
Meaningful

IDENTITY
Who are you?

Game (professional sports)

Highlights: winning/losing, difficulties, fun, teamwork, coordination, a limited time
Hides: ambiguity in business; misplaced sense of winning
(money? market? awards?)
Leadership: Coach

VALUES & BELIEFS

Why do you...?
CAPABILITIES
How do you...?

War
Highlights: victory/defeat, extreme risk, strategy, hierarchy, coordination,
indefinite time
Hides: inherent extremism in the face of daily business needs; overly bold leadership
Leadership: General

BEHAVIOR
What do you do...?
ENVIRONMENT
Where do you...? When do you...?

Machine
Highlights: seriousness of purpose, tools, rationality, calculability, predictability,
repetition
Hi d e s : people and feelings in a business; neglects ambiguity an individual intuitions
Leadership: Designer, Operator

Least Meaningful

Organism
Highlights: personhood: intentions, reactions, feelings; domestication (cash cow),
complexity, ambiguity, developmental
Hides: social Darwinism/determinism of employee roles; its not always a struggle
for survival
Leadership: Brain, Farmer

Status and Getting Ahead

(The NLP Submodalities and Timeline Models)

Status
Status is how people and companies measure the fulfillment of their
Metaphors of Identity.
All status is based on either a high/low (ve rtical) hierarchy or big/small (size) comparisons.

Society
Highlights:
Traditional: preservation of the social classes for cohesiveness and order
Modern: Vision of social mobility and freedom of choice for everyone
Hides: coercive and artificial cultures

Asking for an individual or companys Status Hierarchy:

What is the worst thing that could happen to a ?
What is the ultimate expression of ?

Leadership: Autocrat, Statesman, Shaman

Remember, status is expressed in many different ways depending on the community.
The new Metaphors of Business are
Dynamic Systems and Learning Organizations.

Ask yourself where you are in an individual or companys Status Hierarchy:

Who am I in the life of my client/customer?
Are they seeking an advisor? An expert? An assistant? A colleague?
Who is the authority? (according to your client, colleague, etc.)
Take the status role they want you to, as that is really the most influential.
The Perception of Status
People want to be moving up to bigger and better things which take them higher.

10

Up

More

Higher

Brighter

Bigger

Down

Less

Lower

Darker

Smaller

11

The Five Life Purposes

Getting Ahead
The idea of getting ahead (and falling behind) is based on time as a distance
to be travelled.
People want to be moving up instead of down. They want to be moving forward
instead of back.

(An Application of the NLP Content Meta-Program Model)

Whether they know it or not, most people have an expected rate of progress in
their minds.

Of everything in the world, most people only find certain kinds of content meaningful.
The content people find meaningful minute-to-minute shapes their ultimate Life Purpose.
People and organizations fulfill their Metaphors of Identity through their Life Purposes.
The Life Purpose speaks deeply about what is most meaningful and thus most influential.

When they dont achieve their status milestones on schedule, they feel they
are behind.

The 5 Life Purposes are:

Acquiring, Accomplishing, Belonging, Experiencing, Learning.

Asking for a rate of progress:

The Purposes are expressed in everyday life:

Things, Activity, People, Being, Information.
The Life Purpose can be heard in the words people use, what they do,
and what they have.

Where are you at?

So, hows it going?
Here

Sequence of milestones along the way

A person or companys Life Purpose is usually a combination of two or three of them.

There

Use the chart to pinpoint the areas between the words to show the mix.
(E.g.: Someone who is always doing things would be in the lower right quadrant.
Someone who has to understand people would be in the upper left quadrant.
Someone who is in the zone as they play would be between Activity and Being.)

You will increase your influence by acknowledging their current rate of progress.
You will greatly increase your influence by showing how what you offer will speed
them on their way.

INFORMATION
know/understand
learning
KNOWLEDGE
(e.g., books/CDs)

PEOPLE
relate/connect
belonging
COMMUNITY

BEING
aware/feel
experiencing
ACCEPT

THINGS
get/have
acquiring
WEALTH

(e.g., friends/family)

(e.g., trips/photographs)

(e.g., money/cars)

ACTIVITY
act/do
accomplishing
PRODUCTION
12

(e.g., trophies/personal milestones)

13

Life Stories

Finding out the Life Story:

Ask how things have been going.

Whenever people talk about the events of their lives it is in the form of a story.

Notice familiar patterns in the persons life. (Repeat relationships, careers, etc.)

Stories provide continuity, consistency, coherence, and comprehensiveness.

Ask about a favorite story or movie. Have the person tell it to you (their version).

Life Stories explain past actions and events and create future expectations.

Pay attention to the story pattern (plot) and the story/movies desired outcome.

Life Stories are how people make sense of their efforts to fulfill their Life Purpose.
The Metaphors of Identity are the content and images of the Life Story.
The Plot is the actions and events around the current Status/Progress.
You move your story forw a rd by putting your offering in the middle of their story.
Your offering is a solution/enhancement to the current predicament of their plot.
Asking for stories:
Whats going on?
Tell me whats been happening.
How do you think/feel this is going to go?
Whats the story?
Seeing stories in clothes, personal objects, and environments:
What metaphors/symbols do their clothes, personal objects, and environments tell
you about this person?
What has happened (and what do you suppose will happen) to them?
Ask about these changes. (See above questions.)
Inferring stories from actions, reactions, feelings and beliefs:
Imagine that peoples actions and feelings are the sequences of their story.
What do you see?
What do these say about them?

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15

Life Stories: Plots and Paths

To understand the Plot of their Life Stories, many people think of the time of their
l i ves as space. They think of themselves as ahead or behind, as off-track or o n - t ra c k,
as just too far away or close enough to taste it, as stuck or charging ahead, as going in
circles or on target, as bogged down or set fre e, as held back or speeding ahead, as
running on empty or a on full tank.
Most people want to be moving forward and moving up,
not going backwards or down.
Most people think they want a completely trouble-free story,
but that would be a boring life.
People want to be the hero; they want to make a difference, to matter.
You will greatly increase your influence by acknowledging that and assisting them.

Time is Space:
Here

Sequence of milestones along the way

There

The Plot Difficulties:

There are four kinds of difficulties. When you hear words related to that difficulty,
then you know what kind of resolution the person is looking for. People can and do
often have more than one.
Barriers and Gaps
blocked, trapped, held back, too high, cant go around, cant cross
Terrains
stuck, uphill, too hard, rough, too many potholes, walking on eggshells
Burdens
bogged down, overwhelmed, buried, crushed
Energy
running out,run down, empty
For maximum influence, whatever Plot someone tells you, acknowledge its current
state and make your offer in a way that demonstrates how s/he can be the hero, can
be the active agent in their own story and how, within their Plot, your offering will
help them do that.

The Plot Path:

ahead/behind, off-track/on-track, too far/close enough, stuck/charging ahead,
going in circles/on target

Over
Opening
There

Here
Breakthrough

Around
Under

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17

Business Stories

Finding out the Business Story:

Notice familiar patterns in the CEOs life. (Repeat relationships, careers, etc.)

Business Stories provide continuity, consistency, coherence, and comprehensiveness.

The Business St o ry makes sense of employe e s efforts to fulfill the companys
Life Purpose.

Ask about the CEOs favorite story or movie.

Have him/her tell it to you (their version).

The Business Story tends to be related to the Life Story of the CEO.

What are the current stories of business in the financial news programs,
newspapers and magazines.

Business Stories tend to be simpler than an individuals.

Which one does the CEO identify with.

The Plots of Business Stories too often tend toward and then a miracle occurred.
Business Stories explain past actions and events and create future expectations.
You will move your Life Story forward by aligning yourself with your Business Story.
Asking for stories:
Whats been going on?
Tell me whats been happening.
How do you think/feel this is going to go down?
Whats the story here?
Seeing stories in clothes, personal objects, and environments:
What metaphors/symbols does the architecture, interior decorating, allowed personal
objects, and the acceptable clothing tell you about this business?
What has happened (and what do you suppose will happen) to the business?
Ask about these changes. (See above questions.)
Inferring stories from actions, reactions, feelings, and beliefs:
Imagine that the employees as a group engaged in activities that are the sequences of
a story. What do you see?
What do these say about them?

18

19

Influence and Congruence

Therefore:
I am________________________________________________________________

The greatest influence comes with congruence.

Embracing who you are is the shortest path to becoming who you want to be.

___________________________________________________________________
I believe _____________________________________________________________

My highest criteria and my necessary criteria are: ___________________________

___________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________

I highly value ________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________
I act in accordance with_________________________________________________

My Metaphor(s) of Identity is:___________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________

My Personal Influencing Style is:_________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________

I know this from evidence and examples in my:

Values ______________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________

Beliefs ______________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
Capabilities _________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
Behavior ____________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
Environment (lifestyle and stuff)_________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
My preferred Content and Purpose are: ___________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________

20

21

Influencing Identity

Your story continues ... now!

Everyone is trying to enroll everyone else as a character in their story.

Unaware of this, most people play their roles badly and are dismissed.
You, on the other hand, have decided to play a meaningful role in their Life Story,
helping them to become more of who they are or want to be and achieving their
Life Purpose.
Life Story:

Today you opened an exciting new chapter of your life. One that can be
the most exciting and fulfilling adventure you can imagine. What you do
next will determine how your future unfolds for you. You can close this
reference guide and leave its secrets of influence to be discovered by
someone else. Or you can embrace this knowledge and make influence
the magic that transforms your life.

What is the Metaphor of Identity?

What is the Life Purpose?
What is the Plot?

Life Story
Past

Present

IDENTITY
VALUES & BELIEFS

CAPABILITIES

BEHAVIOR

ENVIRONMENT

22

Future
Life
Purpose

Charles Faulkner
An internationally recognized speaker and trainer, Charles Faulkner is a prolific
innovator and the author or co-author of 10 titles, including the best-selling
Nightingale-Conant program and William Morrow book NLP: The New Technology of
Achievement and the new NLP training and coaching game Trimurti. He uses NLP
and Cognitive Linguistics to create models of excellence with real-world applications,
including decision making, negotiation, and influence. He is featured in several
prominent trading books, including The New Market Wizards, for his performance
modeling of international traders. A founding partner in Influential Communications,
Inc. and Mental Edge Trading Associates, he consults to corporate executives, financial
decision makers, and entrepreneurs in the United States and Europe. To engage Charles
Faulkner and/or his firm, contact Influential Communications, Inc. at 1-800-500-7657
or www.influentialcommunications.com

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