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ICELT

Language Task 3
3rd June, 2016

You are required to identify and correct the errors in a sample of


written work from two learners who are at different levels and
provide appropriate feedback for the learners.

I hereby declare that the attached assignment is my own work and


understand that if I am suspect of plagiarism or other form of
cheating, my work will be referred to the board in Cambridge, which
may result in my being suspended from the course.
Name:

WORD COUNT: 968 words

INTRODUCTION
In order to achieve the purposes of this task, I chose to analyze a piece of writing from
a pre-intermediate learner (CEFR A2) and an intermediate learner (CEFR B1). The first one is
a twelve-year-old girl who has been studying English since she was 8. She is at level A2 now.
She is very fluent but still lacks accuracy in writing and speaking. The second learner is an
adult who has been studying English for some time and is at level B1. She is always willing to
take risks and to use new language. Therefore, she is very fluent, but also lacks accuracy
when writing and speaking.
SAMPLE 1
Rationale
I chose to begin my feedback to Marianas text with positive comments on her work.
According to Reilly and Reilly (2005:20), young learners need positive feedback, to have
their efforts praised, and to have their skills recognized. They also state that it is important
that texts with mistakes are not seen as failed pieces of writing, but as a natural stage in the
writing process (2005:21).
The task set to students was based on a reading they did in class, which had texts
talking about unusual schools. As a follow up, they had to research and write a similar text
about another school they found. Mariana was very creative using a fictional school and
showed much interest in the topic by looking up new words, such as wand or broomstick.
This aspect not only made her text richer, but also improved it.
Although they did not have preparation for the writing during the lesson, she was able
to organize her ideas well. However, in order to make her text more coherent, I suggested she
listed more subjects taught at the school, since she had mentioned only one, giving the idea
that that was the only one there.
I highlighted some language inaccuracies and listed them below my comments, so as
to help her to go through her mistakes and correct them. I used correction symbols in order to
avoid, as Harmer states, an abundance of red ink () and to encourage students think about
what the mistake is, so that they can correct it themselves (2004:111). I believe that reflecting
on their own mistakes empowers students to self-learn and that they learn more effectively
(CHAN, 2010).

In addition, I only chose to highlight the language she would be able to correct herself.
Moreover, for some mistakes, as Harmer (2004:112) suggests, I chose to refer to a book, so
she would know where to look for them. The advantage, according to him, is that it
encourages them to look at the information with a purpose in mind. They will learn as they
correct.
For those parts where I believe / \ mistakes were above her level, I chose to
reformulate them myself. I also chose to reformulate those I considered slips, such as
forgetting to use an indefinite article in a list. Harmer (2004:111) states that the student learns
by comparing correct and incorrect versions and that it is extremely useful during drafting
and re-drafting.
All this considered, I believe that Mariana will benefit from the correction. Firstly, she
will know what aspects made her text good so she can continue to work as such and it was the
first thing focused on

/ \ the correction. According to Lewis and Hill, many factors

contribute towards the success or failure of the individual language learner. One of the most
important, however, is probably the confidence the learner has in his ability to succeed in the
task (1985:90)
Rationale is clear and well supported with reading. Well done!
SAMPLE 2
Rationale
Similarly to the previous sample, I chose to start responding to Fernandas text, rather
than correcting it. According to Harmer, when we respond to a text, we are not only
concerned with the accuracy of their performance but also and this is crucial with the
content and design of their writing (2004:108).
The text she produced was a letter to her younger self, where she was supposed to
reflect on her own childhood memories as if she was talking to herself. Therefore, I started
feedback by responding positively to her text. As Harmer states, in cases like this, it is vital
to be encouraging and helpful rather than judgmental (2004:113). Furthermore, Fernandas
text was well organized, the letter layout was clear, she was very creative and the text was
compelling.
In terms of language feedback, I believe that she is able to correct most of her
mistakes, for they were in the majority related to word position, spelling or grammar topics

she is already familiar with. Provided that, I listed them below the comments on the content
so she could reflect on her own mistakes by asking her questions and using the correction
symbols mentioned before it makes correction less intimidating (Lewis and Hill, 1985:96).
For items 1 and 9, however, I chose to give examples of the use of the language for her to
understand the structure and then reformulate her sentences.
There was only one mistake that I chose to reformulate instead of leaving it for her to
correct. The reason why I did that in that case was because the problem was L1 interference
and finding the collocation would be more time consuming. Reformulating for her to see the
correct form and learn from it would be faster and just as effective. According to Lewis and
Hill, it can be better than correcting (1985:96).
As mentioned before, Fernandas text is rich in content and is very interesting. She can
catch readers attention and is not afraid of making mistakes. As she has the necessary
knowledge to reflect and correct them when pointed out, the annotated version of her text is
encouraging in terms of content and shows her that she only needs to pay closer attention to
her language. Rationale is clear and well supported with reading
(968 WORDS)
BIBLIOGRAPHY

BAXTER, Andy. Evaluating your students. Richmond Publishing, 1997.


HARMER, Jeremy. How to Teach Writing. Pearson Education Limited, 2004.
LEWIS, Michael; HILL, Jimmie. Practical Techniques for Language Teaching. LTP, 1985.
REILLY, Jackie; REILLLY, Vanessa. Writing with children. OUP, 2005.
UR, Penny. A Course in Language Teaching: Practice and Theory. Cambridge University
Press, 1999.

WEBLINKS
CHAN, Peggie. Empowering Students to Self-learn. National University of Singapore.
http://blog.nus.edu.sg/eltwo/2010/03/07/empowering-students-to-self-learn/ (Retrieved on
May 29th, 2016).
Nice weblink, but not relevant to the paper.

APPENDIX
Sample 1 (More! 2)
Sample 2: Teacher generated material.

Sample 1: Original version

Hogwarts is a place that teaches you how you can do magic and you can be a witch or a
wizard like Harry Potter. They have six books of Harry Potter.
All the students have to be eleven to eighteen years old to get in. If the student had magical
abilities they gain a place at the school. Dont have test, because you are a wizard or no.
When a magical children born, they write the names of they in a book and the magical
children gain a place to the Hogwarts.
Every students uniforms consist on a plain black robes, protect gloves, a plain black hat and
a plain black cloak. At the first years there you cant have a broomstick, this is a rule. Each
students have a wand to do magic, but each wand is different.
The students play a game, if they fly with a broomstick. In the class they do potion with the
Snape teacher. The equipaments are telescope, a wand and a quill. Theyre a lot of animals of
Hogwarts, they are a told, a cat and a rot. The students stay at the school and go to your
houses in summer.
Adorable!!! Incredible for a 12 year old.
(198 words)
Sample 1: Corrected version
Hogwarts school is a place that teaches (how you can) you to do magic (and) so you can be
a witch or a wizard like Harry Potter. (They have) There are six (books of Harry Potter)
Harry Potter books.
All (the) students have to be from eleven to eighteen years old to get in. If (the) a (student)
child (had) has magical abilities (he) they (gain a place at the school) get a place in the
school. (Dont have) There isnt a test, because you are either a wizard or (no) not. When a
magical (children) child is born, they write (the) their names (of they) in a book and the
magical (children) child (gain) gets a place (to the) in Hogwarts.
(Every) (students) Students uniforms consist in (on) (a) plain black robes, protective
gloves, a plain black hat and a plain black cloak. (At) In the first years (at) there you cant
have a broomstick; this is a rule. Each student(s) (have) has a wand to do magic, but each
wand is different.
The students play a game(, if) where they fly with a broomstick. In (the) classes they do
potions with Professor (the) Snape (teacher). The (equipaments) equipment list includes a
(are) telescope, a wand and a quill. (Theyre) There are a lot of animals (of) at Hogwarts(,):
(they are) a (told) toad, a cat and a (rot) rat. The students stay at the school during the year
and go (to your houses) home in summer.

Sample 1: Annotated version


Hogwarts is a place that teaches you how you can to do magic and1 you can be a witch or a
wizard like Harry Potter. They have2 six books of Harry Potter.
All the students have to be

eleven to eighteen years old to get in. If the student4 had5

magical abilities, they get into Hogwarts. gain a place at the school. Dont have6 test,
because you are a wizard or no7. When a magical children8 9 born, they write the names of
they10 in a book and the magical children gain get a place at the11 Hogwarts.
Every students12 uniforms consist on a13 plain black robes, protect14 gloves, a plain black
hat and a plain black cloak. At15 the first years there you cant have a broomstick; this is a
rule. Each students16 have17 a wand to do magic, but each wand is different.
The students play a game, if where they fly with a broomstick. In the classes they do
potions with the Snape teacher18. The equipaments19 are a telescope, a wand and a quill.
Theyre20 a lot of animals of at Hogwarts, they are a told21, a cat and a rot22. The students
stay at the school23 and go to your houses home in summer.

Well done, Mari! This is a very good text about Hogwarts School! I also like Harry Potter
books a lot so I really liked that you chose to write about it!
-

Your text is very well written and you bring many interesting details from the school!
Also, I am very happy to see that you used many new words to like wand,

broomstick and robes! Good job!


I suggest that you talk a little more about the subjects they study there. I saw you

mentioned Potions, so it would be interesting to list some others.


I also liked that you listed the animals that you can see there, but arent those the pets

students can have there? Try to re-write that.


Look at the underlined parts and try to correct them:

1. WW. And is used to add an idea. What word can you use to show result?
2./6./20. G. In English when we mean something exists we dont use the verb to have.
If you dont remember it, check unit 4 in your More! 1 book.
3. Word missing there.

4./5. WW If the student have or if a child has magical abilities?


7. G. Do you use no to make negatives of verbs? Whats the one we use for that?
8. G. Is children a word in the singular or plural? Can you use a and a word in the plural
form?
9. Word missing there.
10. WW. Whats the possessive adjective corresponding to they?
11. G. Do we use the before proper nouns?
12. G. All students at the school? Make it plural and use possessive s.
13. G. The word you are talking about is robes. Do you use the article a with plural?
14. S. This is not the correct word for protetora. Check a dictionary.
15. G. Do you remember the triangle with the time prepositions at, on, in? When do we
use at? And when we are talking about years, which one do we use?
16./17. G. Use the singular form after the word each.
18. WO. Check where to put teacher.
19. S./G. That is an uncountable noun. You can try to write this sentence again.
21. S.
22. S.
23. When do they stay at school?
Great encouraging feedback and correction.

Sample 2: Original version


Dear me,
Im writing for you to explain something.
I know that you have afraid of the bad witch of the Wizard of Oz movie, but is just a movie

and witches dont exist in the real world (sometimes exist, but you will learn how to finish
it).
You love Patrick Swayze and you love him at the Dirty Dancing movie you wont have this
guy in your life, but you can look for a handsome guy, good dancer and honest man like him.
I know you think that your dad is a superhero, but he isnt for real. He looks like Christopher
Reever, but he isnt him. But he could be a hero for you, if you want and believe in it, just
give a chance for him.
I know too that you love Chiquititas and you want to be a part of this team, but believe me,
most part of this actors will make only one soap opera and just one actress will keep her
carreer on TV.
And about Fernando Collor, please, forget it!! There were too many guys more beautiful than
him and more intelligent too. Believe me, in the future, you will hate him and think that he is
one of the most ugly man in the world.
Follow your heart, listen your mom, and please, stop eat too many chocolats!
With love,
Fernanda, the older you.
(232 words)

Sample 2: Corrected version


Dear me,
Im writing (for) you to explain something.
I know that you (have) are afraid of the bad witch 1of the Wizard of Oz (movie), but it is just
a movie and witches dont exist in the real world (sometimes (exist) they do, but you will
learn how to (finish it) deal with them).
You love Patrick Swayze and you loved him (at the) in Dirty Dancing (movie) - you wont
have this guy in your life, but you can look for a handsome (guy), good dancer and honest
man like him.
I know you think that your dad is a superhero, but he isnt for real. He looks like Christopher
Reever, but he isnt. But he could be a hero for you, if you want and believe him to be; just
give (a chance for him) him a chance.
1 FROM

I also know (too) that you love Chiquititas and you want to be a part of (this team) the cast,
but believe me, most part of (this) those actresses will only (make) (only) be in one soap
opera and just one actress will (keep) continue her (carreer) career on TV.
And about Fernando Collor, please, forget about it! There were (too) so many (guys) more
(beautiful) attractive guys (than him) and more intelligent / \ too. Believe me, in the future,
you (will) are going to hate him and think that he is one of the (most ugly) ugliest (man) men
in the world.
Follow your heart, listen to your mom, and please, stop eating so (many) (chocolats) much
chocolate!
With love,
Fernanda, the older you.

Sample 2: Annotated version


Dear me,
Im writing for1 you to explain something.
I know that you have2 afraid of the bad witch of the Wizard of Oz movie, but 3 is just a movie
and witches dont exist in the real world (sometimes exist4, but you will learn how to finish
it5).
You love Patrick Swayze and you loved him at6 the Dirty Dancing movie you wont have
this guy in your life, but you can look for a handsome guy7, good dancer and honest man like
him.
I know you think that your dad is a superhero, but he isnt for real. He looks like Christopher
Reeve, but he isnt him. But he could be a hero for you, if you want 8 and believe in it, just
give a chance for9 him.
I know too10 that you love Chiquititas and you want to be a part of this team11, but believe
me, most part of this12 actors13 will make only be in one soap opera and just one actress will
keep14 her carreer15 on TV.
And about Fernando Collor, please, forget it!! There were too16 many guys17 more beautiful18
than him19 and more intelligent too. Believe me, in the future, you will20 hate him and think
that he is one of the most ugly21 man22 in the world.
Follow your heart, listen your mom, and please, stop eat23 too so many24 chocolats25!
With love,

Fernanda, the older you.


(232 words)

Well done!! I found you text very sweet and funny! I really enjoyed reading it and it made me
think if my own younger self (Especially with the Patrick Swayze part! Haha)
-

I was very happy that you shared personal things which made the text very enjoyable.

Also, it is very easy to read and to understand, even not knowing you that well;
Also, you used the format of the letter and you connected your ideas very well, closing

it with some advice. Great idea!


I have here some things for you to check (find a little glossary of the symbols at the
end):

1. This construction in English would be I write someone something or I write


2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.

something to someone.
WW. Whats the verb that goes with afraid? Is it have?
{ } You need a subject.
WW. What auxiliary verb could you use to avoid repetition of exist?
?M I dont quite get what you mean there? Try to rephrase that part.
WW. Whats the preposition for movies?
You are listing qualities in a man. Do you really need guy there?
{}
Normally in English you give someone something, so you give your father a

chance
10. WW. Too normally goes at the end of a sentence. What is a synonym that we use in
the middle of the sentence?
11. WW. Whats the word for a group of people who work on a movie or TV show, for
example? Note that after a movie finishes, this word comes on top of the list of names.
12. G. Use plural. Also, this refers to something in the past, so whats the demonstrative
that refers to distant things in the plural? (actors)
13. Werent the characters all girls? Whats the feminine of actor)?
14. WW.
15. S.
16. WW. Too indicates an excessive amount. Whats another intensifier with a more
positive meaning?
17. WO. Where do you put nouns in English?
18. WW. Can you think of another adjective to describe a guys appearance?
19. WO.
20. G. What future time is used when we are sure? Can you find other examples in your
text?

21. G. Is that how you make the superlative form of a short adjective?
22. Use plurals after superlative. Whats the plural of man?
23. G. After stop, use infinitive -ing.
24. G.
25. S.
G
S
WO
WW
?M

Problem with grammar


Spelling problem
Word order
Wrong word
Problem with meaning (what did you want to

{}

say there?)
Word missing.