Smiling

sinews
(A book of jokes)
Dr. Karanam
Nagaraja Rao

Dedicated to
My Dear Wife,
Dr Bharathi

iv

Smiling Sinews

PREFACE
I havent seen my hubby
For the last few years
Hubby has gone out to visit Varanasi
And earned merit immeasurable
I delivered two dudes - hai hai hai- hai hai hai
In olden days visit to Varanasi was a big task when there
were no buses and trains. A poor lady of the country yard
got blessed with two children, thanks to the merit earned
by her hubby. Now she sings the lullaby hai, hai, hai.
This is poetic humor. Humor is expressed in many ways. It
can be through songs, poems, stories, jokes, puns and
through body language. From time immemorial, man has
been trying to make his life happy on the earth. Money
alone will not bring happiness. Happiness sprouts in the
minds of men. A farmer ploughing lands finds happiness
in singing songs. A child gets happiness in lullabies. When
humor is added to a song, story or lullaby it acquires
special flavor. Humor is the virtue of a true human being.
Henry Ward Beecher says, A person without a sense of
humor is like a wagon without springs. Its jolted by every
pebble on the road. We can face the harsh realities of
life with calm and composure when we exhibit a sense of
humor. There were two ladies fighting for a seat in the
public transportation bus. No one could control their
emotions and arguments. The bus conductor announced,
whoever is old shall have seat. Both ladies looked at each
other and no one has sit on the seat. The heated argument
was pacified by the sense of humor displayed by the bus
conductor.
Humor has many virtues. It is a great stress buster. When
mind becomes mad and infected with tensions, a good
humor relieves the tensions. A smiling face is the gift of
the God and when we smile, a great muscle relaxation
happens leading to happiness.

Smiling Sinews

We see people with 60 years spirit in 20 years old and 20

years spirit in 60 year old people. An old couple visited
a clinic and wanted to test whether they were alright for
romance. They wanted to use one room of his hospital to
check their perfectness. The doctor got puzzled but
allowed and charged Rs 200. The couple came on the
following week also and it continued for many more weeks.
On one fine day the doctor asked, I am charging you Rs
200/- each time and still you have been coming here every
week. The old man told, I am a widower with children
and she is a widow with children. If we go to normal hotel,
they charge Rs 500. Your clinic is good enough for us.
The spirit of the old man is reflected in his sense of humor.
With humor in your armor, you can be in teens forever.
Humor, in olden days was through pun and play of words.
A king went out in disguise and found his Minister in a
prostitute place. Oh, my kavi vrishabha (bull among poets)
is here and what far?, he enquired. Minister recognized
the king and replied, Waiting for kamadhenu (king among
cows). Here one meaning is I am waiting to receive the
presents of the king and the other meaning is, I am a
bull waiting for a cow like you. Now a day, the literature
is getting extinguished. We have become coco cola girls
and pizza boys. Only a few read poems and play on
language. Short and crisp jokes are the attraction for
todays youth.
Jokes are written by many persons in the past. A few
writers wrote jokes through systematic collections. This
book is an attempt to collate the WhatsApp jokes which
I received in the past one year. These jokes are designed
and distributed by the youth and for the youth. In our
tradition, we are not supposed to ask Rishi moola (the
origins of a saint), nadi moola (the origins of a river) and
naari moola( the origins of a lady) as long as they are
good. Same as the case with WhatsApp brigade of youth.
The forwards come uninterruptedly without the source
of origin. Hence, I dont claim any authorship for these

vi

Smiling Sinews

jokes. I collected and collated good number of jokes and

brought out this book. I could not acknowledge the
respective authors as in many places it is not available. I
am also not claiming any copy rights and whatever royalty
I get over this book will be for social good.
arthAswAdana vELAyAm sabdaSAstra vimarSakah
neevee viSramsa vELAyAm vastra moolya vichArakAh
When the lovers are embracing each other they dont
engage in talks like what is the price of the saree, when
did you buy it etc. when one is expressing his emotions
and feeling the listener should grasp the import of the
utterances and not find fault with the grammar. This book
is a book of crisp jokes. I appeal to the readers to enjoy
the jokes and not take them in literal spirit. If any joke
is there on Lalu, Modi, Amitab or Rahul, it is not my
intention to hurt anybody or any political party. As far
as possible, I avoided Sardar jokes as I have great
respect for Sikhism. I also avoided non veg jokes so that
the book should be a good read in a family environment.
Here I acknowledge my BBM and MBA students and other
WhatsApp friends and colleague group members who
contributed maximum number of jokes. When I started
this project, a few colleagues and friends mocked at me.
One may smile and smile and be a villain, thus spoke
Shakespeare. A few people thus praised me just to please
me. Some others were sincere in their smiles and I could
see the trembling emotions in their temples and they
struck with deep rooted attention. Finally my humorous
spirit surmounted all bricks and bouquets and finally the
book is out.
Read out, laugh out and enjoy the fun forever.
Dr. Nagaraja Rao, Karanam,
Alliance University.
23/03/2016.

Smiling Sinews

vii

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
There are two ways of looking at any piece of literaturebe it poem, story, essay or joke. One is art for arts sake
and the other is art for the sake of the society. Anything
done for ones one satisfaction will not look for any
monetary consideration. From my childhood I used to be
very humorous either in house or in work place. Having
worked with Public Sector Insurance Organization I
worked in different parts of India and gained many
friends. Thanks to the App, WhatsApp many of friends
are connected to me. As I am humorous, most of friends
did not get separated from me. I am indebted to all these
friends for sharing the jokes.
After leaving the Corporate Sector, I got an opportunity
to work in a University which has a high reputation in the
South. Students across the spectrum of the globe
congregate here for pursuing BBM, MBA, Engineering and
Law courses. Most of my students, colleague professors
and my friends in the insurance industry have shared
humorous jokes. I am indebted to them also.
Anything looks appealing if it is packaged properly. My
sisters daughter, Deepti has agreed to sketch a beautiful
cover page and I am thankful to her. I thank Dr Sudheer
for his encouragement and support in designing the book.
My special thanks to my brother, Sri Aravinda Rao, Retd
DGP of Andhra Pradesh who has seen this book with
interest.
My thanks to my both daughters who encouraged me
throughout in my endeavors.
I also thank the Publishers
for publishing my book and for bringing out in this
beautiful fashion.
Dr Nagaraja Rao,
Alliance University, Bangalore
23/03/2016

viii

Smiling Sinews

(Courtesy: A WhatsApp message)

Smiling Sinews

ix

Index
Serial No.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.
16.
17.
18.
19.
20.
21.
22.
23.
24.
25.
26.
27.
28.
29.
30.

Joke Description

Page No.

A New Generation Kid ............................................. 1

A Romantic Wife and an Unromantic Husband ........ 1
Admission to Mental Hospital ................................ 1
Advertisement against Fast Foods ...................... 2
Akbar, the Great ...................................................... 2
Alcohol ban in Kerala ............................................... 2
All girls are sisters .................................................. 2
Allergic to peanuts .................................................. 3
Ambani ......................................................................... 3
Amitab Bachan and Rajanikanth .......................... 4
Angry Bird .................................................................. 6
Angry Boss ................................................................. 6
Angry wife ................................................................. 6
Another man Superman ........................................... 7
Answering unknown question ................................ 7
Apple vis--vis Windows ......................................... 7
Are you Alcoholic? ................................................... 8
Are you coming empty handed? ............................ 8
ATM Password .......................................................... 8
Attachment ................................................................ 9
Babu Ganeshan .......................................................... 9
Bad Conductor .......................................................... 10
Bangladesh team ...................................................... 11
Baptized Beer ........................................................... 11
Banana Tariff ........................................................... 12
Bar owner .................................................................. 13
Beautiful neighbor ................................................... 13
Beauty of English language ................................... 13
Before and after marriage ................................... 14
Beggar and the lady ................................................ 15

31.
32.
33.
34.
35.
36.
37.
38.
39.
40.
41.
42.
43.
44.
45.
46.
47.
48.
49.
50.
51.
52.
53.
54.
55.
56.
57.
58.
59.
60.
61.
62.
63.
64.
65.

Smiling Sinews

Bhagavad Gita ...........................................................

Biggest doubt ...........................................................
Biggest SEX change operation ............................
Biology Class .............................................................
Birth Day ...................................................................
Biscuit Maker's Love Letter ................................
Black South Indians ...............................................
Blood test ..................................................................
BMW Car and the Bus Ticket ..............................
Book on suicide ........................................................
Boy's romance ..........................................................
Brave people ..............................................................
Broken tooth .............................................................
Burial in Jerusalem .................................................
Burnt her upside down ..........................................
C.A.T Examination ...................................................
CA's wife ...................................................................
Call is free! ...............................................................
Call of the lover ......................................................
Campus selection .....................................................
Can I come with him tomorrow? ........................
Cat is playing on the roof ....................................
CC TV .........................................................................
Chemical formula for water ................................
Cheque Book .............................................................
Chick and the Hen ..................................................
Child and the Daddy ..............................................
Chinese product ......................................................
Chinky Aunty ...........................................................
Chitragupta's problem ..........................................
Cigarette is from your shop ................................
Closer to the ground .............................................
Clown ..........................................................................
Complete and Finished ..........................................
Computer ...................................................................

15
16
16
16
16
17
17
18
18
18
19
19
19
19
20
20
21
22
22
23
23
24
24
24
25
25
25
25
26
26
27
27
27
28
29

Smiling Sinews

66.
67.
68.
69.
70.
71.
72.
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74.
75.
76.
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78.
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81.
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83.
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85.
86.
87.
88.
89.
90.
91.
92.
93.
94.
95.
96.
97.
98.
99.
100.

xi

Conference call ....................................................... 29

Conversation of Tamil wife and Malayalee wife ..... 30
Corporate Blackmailing ......................................... 30
Corporate Pressure ................................................ 30
Correspondence course ......................................... 30
Credit card ................................................................ 31
Credit Card vis--vis a husband .......................... 31
Cute Girls and Angry Wives ................................. 31
Cyclone ...................................................................... 32
Dating ........................................................................ 32
Debriefing ................................................................ 32
Did you get my first message? ........................... 32
Difference between Einstein and a Politician ..... 33
Doctor and the Patient ......................................... 33
Don't get panic ....................................................... 33
Don't tell me your WhatsApp wisdom! ............. 33
Donate eyes ............................................................. 34
Dress Change ........................................................... 34
Driving Salary .......................................................... 35
Dukh and Khushi ..................................................... 35
Dull Husband ........................................................... 35
E-banking password ............................................... 35
Economics is simple ................................................ 36
Effective Communication ..................................... 36
Egg or Chick? ........................................................... 37
Empty stomach ........................................................ 37
Engineers vis--vis Doctors ................................. 37
English Shaayari ...................................................... 39
Etcetera .................................................................... 39
Euro English .............................................................. 40
Exercise is Hell ........................................................ 41
Express Train ........................................................... 41
Facebook .................................................................. 42
Facts of Accountancy .......................................... 42
Family film ................................................................ 42

xii

101.
102.
103.
104.
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106.
107.
108.
109.
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112.
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120.
121.
122.
123.
124.
125.
126.
127.
128.
129.
130.
131.
132.
133.
134.
135.

Smiling Sinews

Family problems ......................................................

Farmers and husbands ..........................................
Father disliked her ................................................
Females never listen properly .............................
Fifty years' Wedding Anniversary .....................
Fill up in Capital ......................................................
First class in Airways ............................................
First young man to love you ................................
Five living animals of the ocean ..........................
Flaws in the Dictionary .........................................
Football match ........................................................
Foreigner ..................................................................
Forgotten Purse ......................................................
Frustrated Techie ..................................................
Funny analysis of following women ...................
Funny interview .......................................................
Gaps ............................................................................
Garbhavati ................................................................
Gas Cylinder .............................................................
Gay Bar .......................................................................
Ghazal vis--vis lecture ..........................................
Gift from London ...................................................
Gift to grandma ......................................................
Girl Chatting Online ...............................................
Girl gets selected and boy gest rejected .......
Give whatever that wife asks for .....................
God is busy watching apples ................................
God who has forgotten .........................................
Good Day ..................................................................
Good evening to you and your family ...............
Good for health ......................................................
Gopal Singh is relaxing ..........................................
Government Holidays .............................................
Grand father ...........................................................
Great confusion ......................................................

42
43
43
44
44
45
45
46
46
46
47
47
47
47
48
48
50
50
50
51
51
52
52
52
53
53
53
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55
55
56
56
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Smiling Sinews

136.
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157.
158.
159.
160.
161.
162.
163.
164.
165.
166.
167.
168.
169.
170.

Guardian Angel ........................................................

Gujju's intelligence ................................................
Hair cutting .............................................................
Hairy ears .................................................................
HDFC & ICICI Banks ............................................
He was made by mistake ......................................
Height and weight ..................................................
Height of Coolness ..................................................
His computer message ...........................................
Heights of polished English accent ....................
Hell in India .............................................................
Helpless God ............................................................
Himami vis--vis Tsunami ......................................
Hindi Tera Baap ......................................................
Hot Coffee ...............................................................
How Mallus changed religion? .............................
How much love? ......................................................
How to reach Karnataka from Bangalore .......
How old is your father? .......................................
HR Manager for a sales job ................................
Husband ....................................................................
Husband - the Master of the House ................
Husband and Whisky .............................................
Husband Missing .....................................................
Husband's Lunch ....................................................
Hyderabad Classroom ...........................................
I also grew in career .............................................
I am counting ...........................................................
I am just kidding ....................................................
I am Pascal ................................................................
I was watching TV news .......................................
I will stay with your sister ...................................
ICU patients ............................................................
Impact of job change ...........................................
Importance in a company .....................................

xiii

56
57
57
58
59
60
60
61
61
62
62
64
64
64
64
65
65
65
66
66
68
68
68
69
69
69
70
70
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71
71
71
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72
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xiv

171.
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199.
200.
201.
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203.
204.

Smiling Sinews

Indian Mayor and American Mayor ..................

Inflation ....................................................................
Inheritance ..............................................................
Innocent child .........................................................
Innocent face .........................................................
Inspirational speech with a long pause ............
Insurance ..................................................................
Intelligent Husband ...............................................
Intelligent man ........................................................
International scientific Question .....................
Inter-religion integration ....................................
Intolerance ..............................................................
Is that one word or two? ....................................
It is Me .....................................................................
It is me, Philomina ..................................................
Job in Airtel .............................................................
Job in Underwear Company .................................
K.P.Nambudri ............................................................
Kamalesh and Kavitha ............................................
Karta, Karma and Kriya .........................................
Kaun Banega Croropati? .......................................
Kind Manager ...........................................................
Ladies over the decades .......................................
Lady at the Bar Table ...........................................
Leave Letter ............................................................
Legal but not logical, logical but not legal
& neither legal nor logical ....................................
Legs and name .........................................................
Lesson from beggar ...............................................
Let us save the earth ............................................
Lie Clocks ..................................................................
Life after death .....................................................
Light Dinner .............................................................
Lion in the office ...................................................
Lipstick for ants .....................................................

73
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73
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235.
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237.
238.
239.

xv

Local Hero and a Terrorist ................................. 90

Londa Gironda .......................................................... 91
Loose Motion ............................................................. 91
Love and marriage .................................................. 92
Low Battery (Caller of the year) ....................... 93
Lunch and death ..................................................... 93
M.Tech Graduate .................................................... 94
Machine that catches thieves ............................. 95
Maintenance Issue ................................................. 95
Malayalee Doctor ................................................... 96
Malayalee funeral ................................................... 97
Malayali language ................................................... 98
Man's brain ............................................................ 100
Many Fathers .......................................................... 101
March month Closing of Business ..................... 102
Marriage Anniversary .......................................... 103
Marriage of the Investment Banker ............... 103
Marriage Protocol ................................................ 103
Married man's prayer ......................................... 103
Marrying a Man ..................................................... 104
Mathematics question ......................................... 104
MATHS ................................................................... 104
Mechanic and the mirror .................................... 104
Mental Hospital .................................................... 105
Microsoft Excel .................................................... 105
Missing you ............................................................. 106
Mission Impossible ............................................... 106
Mobile Bill ............................................................... 106
Mobile network ..................................................... 106
Mobile talking ........................................................ 107
Modi's evening walk ............................................. 107
Mom and Dad fighting ........................................ 107
Monkey and a baboon ......................................... 108
Mother and Mother-in-law ................................. 108
Mother Tongue ...................................................... 108

xvi

240.
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Smiling Sinews

Mughul- Not Google .............................................

Munk Nun Maga ....................................................
My Computer ..........................................................
Nag Panchami .........................................................
Namma Metro ........................................................
Newton's fourth law of motion ........................
Next Generation HR policy ................................
Next Generation LKG Poem ................................
Night Watch Man ..................................................
No campaigning after elections ........................
No Match .................................................................
Nokia Charger ........................................................
Obesity .....................................................................
Office Correspondence .......................................
Office Phone ..........................................................
Old Lady and the Bus Conductor ......................
Old man and his sweet wife ...............................
Old Monk .................................................................
Ombay Ombay ........................................................
OMG ..........................................................................
Onionaires ................................................................
Only small babies ...................................................
Only stich, not embroidery work ......................
Orange and Apple ..................................................
Other work .............................................................
Out of Syllabus .....................................................
Overnight Terrorist ..............................................
Owner of the Bar ..................................................
Oxygen .....................................................................
Pakistani rivers ......................................................
Password ..................................................................
People consider me as a 'GOD' .........................
Performance ...........................................................
Perfume ...................................................................
Phone call- It is for me ......................................

108
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Pilot and the passengers ....................................

Pizza Boy ..................................................................
Pizza Hut delivery .................................................
Police Officer's son ............................................
Police vengeance on teacher .............................
Pongal vis--vis Idly .............................................
Pope shocked and Sardar rocked ...................
Post Box ..................................................................
Prayer before dinner ..........................................
Prayer before food .............................................
Presence of mind ..................................................
Prime Minister or Vasco da Gama ....................
Programmer Husband ..........................................
Poor boy and his confession ..............................
Punctuation ............................................................
Queen's donkey and the media ........................
Question paper Leak ...........................................
Rakhi and Mangalyam ..........................................
Ramayana class ......................................................
Rape and Robbery ................................................
Rasam or Sambar ..................................................
Ready for marriage ..............................................
Real Freedom .........................................................
Real Tension ............................................................
Register Marriage in Post Office .....................
Rocking generation ...............................................
Romantic Monsoons ...............................................
Romeo Boss dies ....................................................
RTI enquiry ............................................................
Salesman of Vacuum Cleaner ............................
Sardar bhai Rocks ................................................
Sauchalay ................................................................
Savitri ......................................................................
Scolding from wife ..............................................
Scooter Riding .......................................................

xvii

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Smiling Sinews

Scrap dealer ..........................................................

Second Sight .........................................................
Self-control ...........................................................
Sexy secretary and Rascal Boss ......................
Shocking Introduction at a party ...................
Side effects ..........................................................
Signboard at Pathology Clinic ...........................
Sixth sense .............................................................
Skeleton ..................................................................
Sleeping in the class ............................................
Small get together ...............................................
Smart Woman ........................................................
Sone ki chain .........................................................
Spelling mistake ....................................................
Step Mother ..........................................................
Stitching the trouser ..........................................
Stop Imagination ..................................................
Stories from father .............................................
Story of Meena .....................................................
Student got zero marks .....................................
Subsidized rice scheme ......................................
Sugar Test .............................................................
Sun or Moon? .........................................................
Sun and Bun ...........................................................
Sundar Nahi hain ..................................................
Superb Family Introduction ..............................
Sweet night ............................................................
Tajmahal ..................................................................
Talking in dream ...................................................
Tamasoma Jyotirgamaya ....................................
Tatti Vendi .............................................................
Tea from Toilet Commode ..................................
Teacher ...................................................................
Teacher's letter to parent ................................
Tenth Standard Fail ............................................

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That is Mirror .......................................................

That was the deal ................................................
The floor is still wet ...........................................
The Girl is deaf .....................................................
The Great Wall of China ....................................
This is my father speaking ................................
This is not your pudding .....................................
This KISS is different! ......................................
Three magical words ...........................................
Three Meals a Day ...............................................
Three men at a Bar ...............................................
Three steps to organize Family Meeting ........
Tie the Pakistani to my back .............................
Tips to good health ..............................................
Tirupati ...................................................................
Today is final game ..............................................
Tongue Twister .....................................................
Touching Love Story ............................................
Twin sisters ............................................................
Two Great Kings ...................................................
Ultimate bargain ...................................................
Unbelievable Exchange Offer ..........................
Vivekananda and his professor ........................
Wage Revision ........................................................
Weapons and the Girl Friend ............................
Wedding album ......................................................
Weight reduction .................................................
Welding and wedding ..........................................
What is great about Bangalore? ......................
What is he studying? ...........................................
What is Love? ........................................................
WhatsApp Karma ...................................................
When opportunity knocks, use it .....................
Where were you yesterday? .............................
Which end of the Scale? ....................................

xix

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xx

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Smiling Sinews

Which is more important? ..................................

Which year? ...........................................................
Who are the best patients to operate on? ...
Who discovered America? .................................
Who is giving the lecture? .................................
Who is Jayanthi? ..................................................
Who sends message from my wife's mobile?..
Who spoiled whom? ..............................................
Who will whistle? ..................................................
Why are all running? ...........................................
Why is Santa Claus always a man? ..................
Why do couples fight? ........................................
Why we are here? ................................................
Why Malayalees do well in any field? ............
Wife and Life ........................................................
Wife is in the heart ..............................................
Wife Lost in Tsunami ...........................................
Wife singing on the balcony ...............................
Wi-Fi .........................................................................
Wi-Fi Friend ...........................................................
Wish of a Romantic guy ......................................
With age comes wisdom ......................................
Without Tables .....................................................
Woman in a hot balloon .......................................
Women will be women ..........................................
Women's Day on 6th March ..............................
Workshop & Marriage .........................................
Worms in the stomach ........................................
You are bringing her back .................................
You are my world .................................................
Young vis--vis old .................................................

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Smiling Sinews

A New Generation Kid

A new generation kids twitter update...
Internet was not working last night, spent time with
family.
They seem to be nice people....
***
A Romantic Wife and an Unromantic Husband
A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text:
If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you!
The husband, typically unromantic, replied,
I am in the toilet. Please advise!
***
Admission to Mental Hospital
In a Mental Hospital a journalist asks the Doctor: How
do you determine whether to admit a mental patient or
not?
Doctor: Well. Wed fill a bathtub with water & then give
a teaspoon, a glass & a bucket to the patient & ask them
to empty the bathtub.
Journalist: Oh, obviously a normal person would use the
bucket because it is bigger.

Smiling Sinews

Doctor: No, a normal person would pull the drain plug!

Please go to bed No.39. We will start further
investigations on you!
***
Advertisement against Fast Foods
The best advertisement against Pizza, Burger, French
Fries and other junk food:
Few moments on Lips.. Forever on Hips
***
Akbar, the Great
Teacher: Who was Akbar?
Boy: Akbar was a gay.
Teacher: What, are you mad? How did you say like that?
Boy: We have heard of Laila-Majnu, Heer-Ranjha, RomioJuliat; but only Akbar-Birbal.
***
Alcohol ban in Kerala
Alcohol ban in my Kerala! This is zimbly terrible. Today I
will take an otto, go to the temble and ask God why he
did thiz in hiz own kentry?? I ask all my ungles and aunthies
to take all their meney and shift to Gelf and Thhubai
immediately!
***
All girls are sisters
Teacher to boy: To keep your character good, think every
girl as your sister.

Smiling Sinews

Intelligent boy: But thinking every girl as my sister will

make my fathers character very bad.
***
Allergic to peanuts
Boss: Why do you have rashes every time you get your
salary?
Employee: I am allergic to peanuts.
***
Ambani
Ambani ke ek family friend ne kaha.
Esiliye main Ambani ke ghar nahi jaataa
Once when I visited his house, his wife asked me what
would you like to drink, fruit juice, soda, tea, hot
chocolate, cappuccino, Frappuccino or coffee?
Ans: Tea please, Bhabhi.
Q: Ceylon tea, Indian tea, herbal tea, bush tea, honey bush
tea, Sp. China tea, Korean tea, iced tea or green tea?
Ans: Ceylon tea
Q: Buffalo milk or cows milk or Goat milk or....?
Ans: Bus.... bus...Cows milk, Bhabhi...
Q: Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow or Indian cow or....?
Ans: Umm, think Ill just take it black.
Q: Would you like it with sugar, sweetener, Aspartame
or honey?
Ans: With sugar

Smiling Sinews

Q: Beet sugar or cane sugar?

Ans: Cane sugar
Q: White or brown sugar?
Ans: Oh, forget about the tea; just give me a glass of
water instead.
Q: Mineral water, tap water, sparkling water or distilled
water?
Ans: Mineral water
Q: Flavored or non-flavored?
Ans: Non-flavored
Q: Bisleri, Aquafino, Himalayan, Neer, Nyaaasa .....etc....
Ans: Maaf karna..... I think Ill just die of thirst.
Q: How do you choose to die?
By being our shareholder, or our authorized dealer, or
supplier or our customer?
***
Amitab Bachan and Rajanikanth
Ranjanikath was telling Amitab on one day, You know! I
know everybody. Just name someone, anyone, and I know
them.
Amitab called his bluff, OK, Rajani, do you know Tom
Cruise?
Sure, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove, Rajani
said.
So, Rajani and Amitab fly out to Hollywood and knocked
the door of Tom Cruise.

Smiling Sinews

And sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts aloud, Thalaivai!

Great to see you.
Although impressed, Amitab was still skeptical. Your
knowing of Tom is just because of luck.
No, no. Name any other person.
President Obama?
Yes, Rajini tells.
And off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Rajani.
Oh Rajani. Nice to see you! Right now I have a meeting
but let us have a cup of tea first and catch up.
Well, Amitab is much shaken by now, but still not totally
convinced.
After they leave the White House grounds, Rajani
implores him to name anybody.
The Pope, Amitab replies.
Sure, says Rajani. My folks are from Italy and I know
Pope for long.
Rajani and Amitab are assembled with the masses in
Vatican Square when Rajni says, This will never work. I
cannot catch the Popes eye among these people. Here I
know all the guards and so let me go upstairs and I will
come out on the balcony with Pope.
And, he disappeared in the crowd, and sure enough, after
half an hour he emerged with the Pope on the balcony.
Amitab was almost got the heart attack. A person next
to him helped him in regaining consciousness. Then he
enquired with Amitab, Who is that person sitting next to
Rajanikanth?
Amitab fell flat on the ground.
***

Smiling Sinews

Angry Bird
Wife checks husbands mobile and find all girls numbers
saved in the following order New bird
Neighbor bird
Old bird
Upstairs bird
Hospital bird
Insurance bird
College bird
Super market bird
Finally she checks her name and it was saved as
"Angry bird
***
Angry Boss
Boss (angrily): What donkey you are looking at?
Employee: No sir.
Boss: Why are you looking down? Look at me.
***
Angry wife
Wife is angry as hubby stands too close to a beautiful
girl in bus, a few seconds later the girl slaps him for
pinching.
Hubby to wife: I swear I didnt.
Wife: I know, I did it..
***

Smiling Sinews

Another man Superman

Mr Anantharaman Subbaraman from Tamil Nadu was
waiting for clearance in US airport for over an hour.
He went to the counter and asked why are you not
calling my name?
Officer- We have been announcing & calling you for so
long. Where were you??
In the meantime announcement came final call for Mr.
Another man Superman please board the plane.
***
Answering unknown question
Teacher: What is a Array? Explain with examples.
Student: (not sure of the answer): ARRAY is the word
used to call a friend when he is standing far off from
you. For example, ARRAY pagal, idhar aa.
***
Apple vis--vis Windows
Notice on entry gate of an Apple Store in New York:Dont ever fart here; the smell will stay for ages.
We dont have Windows
And tit for tat from Microsoft in their premises.
Anyone visiting us here can be free to use Windows in
case you need to release stale gas from yesterdays half
eaten apple.
We have been providing open window systems to the
world since ages.
***

Smiling Sinews

Are you Alcoholic?

I found a leaflet in my newspaper this morning which read,
ARE YOU AN ALCOHOLIC? CALL NOW AND WE CAN
HELP YOU!!!
My wife insisted that I should make a call.
What to do? I called up. It was a liquor shop offer! BUY
THREE AND GET ONE FREE
My eyes were filled with tears of joy.
***
Are you coming empty handed?
Girls will be girls..!!
Girlfriend giving house directions to her Boyfriend:
Come to the front gate of my apartment where you drop
me, look for flat 9A, you will find a lift on your right. Hit
9 with your ELBOW.....get out of the lift, you will find my
flat on left....hit the doorbell with your ELBOW & I get
the door for you...
Boyfriend says, Dear, that seems easy but why am I
hitting buttons with my elbows?
Girlfriend: 0MG! Are you coming empty handed..?
Boyfriend speechless..!!
***
ATM Password
A man was drawing money from ATM.
A person, who was just behind him in the line said, Ha!
Ha! Ive seen your password. It has 4 asterisks (****).
Man replies, Ha! Ha! Ha! You are wrong. It is 1258.
***

Smiling Sinews

Attachment
A few workers in a factory were discussing the meaning
of Attachment
First Man: Attachment is when two people chat day and
night
Second Man: Attachment is when two people cant stay
away from each other at every moment.
Third Man: Both of you are wrong. It is when the boss
sends you an e-mail with the subject, Increment Letter
and the attached file is missing. That missing file is called
attachment.
***
Babu Ganeshan
Tamil guy takes his girlfriend on a dinner date.
Guy: My dinner treat! Come to Babu Ganeshan.
Girl Friend: Come to what?
Guy: Babu Ganeshan, I say.
Girl Friend: I dont know this place. Ill come to your house
& you take me there.
Guy: You dont know Babu Ganeshan? Okay, Ill take you
there.
Girl Friend and Guy both reach Babu Ganeshan.
Girl Friend: Damn you idiot!!!
Its pronounced as
Barbeque Nation...!
***

10

Smiling Sinews

Bad Conductor
Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to
his passengers.
One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years, tried
to board the bus, but he didnt stop the bus.
Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the
bus and died on the spot. Angry passengers took the
conductor to the police station, who in turn took him to
the court.
The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him
capital punishment.
He was taken to the electrocution chamber. There was
a single chair in the center of the room. The conductor
was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was
given to him. But to everyones amazement, he survived.
The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his
profession.
A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to
board the bus.
This time the Bus conductor, remembering his earlier
experience stopped the bus. Unfortunately the elderly
gentleman slipped and died due to his injuries. The
conductor was taken to the police station and then to
the court, to the same judge. Though he hadnt done
anything wrong, but considering his past record the judge
decided to set an example and gave him capital
punishment.
The Bus conductor was again taken to the same
electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in
the center of the room. He was strapped to the chair and
high voltage current was given to him.

Smiling Sinews

11

This time he died instantly!!!!!!!!!!!

The question is why didnt he die on the first occasion
but died instantly the second time??
Try to solve it yourselves. This is rather interesting and
answer is perfectly logical. If necessary read the puzzle
once again.
Still couldnt? Then see below.........
Think hard
Common.............
Tired....?
Want to know the answer????
Okay........ Here is the Answer............
During the first time the conductor was a Bad Conductor,
therefore electricity didnt pass through him. But during
the second time, he was a good conductor, so electricity
passed through him freely and he died!!!! Physics never go
wrong....
***
Bangladesh team
Student: Why is Bangladesh not sending any contingent
to Olympics?
Teacher: Because anyone who can run, jump, or swim has
already crossed the border of that country.
***
Baptized Beer
A guy was baptized and dipped in water 3 times.

12

Smiling Sinews

After the third dip, the Priest said: You are now baptized,
you are a new creation. The old one is gone, no more
drinking of alcohol for you. Your new name is Gomes.
Gomes went back home and headed straight for the
fridge. He took a Kingfisher Beer, dipped it in water 3
times and said: You are now a new creation, the old one
is gone. Your new name is Green Tea!
Men will be men....
***
Banana Tariff
Outside an Electricity Office,
One Banana vendor was selling Bananas.
Electricity officer: Whats the price of Banana?
Vendor - Let me know where you will use it?
Manager - What do you mean?
Vendor - If you are taking it to temple then its Rs 10 per
kg.
To Orphanage Rs. 15 per kg
For School children Rs. 20 per kg
If you r taking home Rs. 25 per kg
And For Restaurant Rs. 30 per kg.....
Electricity officer- How can this be? All bananas are same
then why difference in price?
Vendor - This is my tariff plan. You people give electricity
to home, shop, factory etc from the same pole. But you
charge different tariffs..
***

Smiling Sinews

13

Bar owner
A Bar opened opposite to a Church.
The Church prayed daily against the Bar business.
A few days later the Bar was struck by the lightening
and caught fire. Bar owner sued the Church Authorities
for the cause of its destruction as it was an action
because of their prayer.
The Church denied all the responsibility.
So the judge commented.
It is difficult to decide the case because here we have
a Bar Owner who believes in the power of prayer and the
Church which does not believe in it.
***
Beautiful neighbor
A man was shocked to find a beautiful divorced neighbor
knocking his door one Friday evening.
I am feeling so lonely that I cannot stand it, she said.
I want to go out, have good drink and want to enjoy my
life. Are you free tonight? she added.
Yes, he replied enthusiastically.
Wonderful! she said.
Then, please take care of my kids.
***
Beauty of English language
Ever noticed how deleting one word after another in a
sentence can lead to a nice story?

14

Smiling Sinews

Heres an example:
Oh Jack please dont touch me at all..!
Oh Jack please dont touch me at...!
Oh Jack please dont touch me...!
Oh Jack please dont touch..!
Oh Jack please dont..!
Oh Jack please...!
Oh Jack..!
Oh....!
O!
***
Before and after marriage
BEFORE MARRIAGE
Boy: I have been waiting for this day
Girl: Do you want me to leave?
Boy: No
Girl: Do You Love Me?
Boy: Of course
Girl: Will you ever cheat me?
Boy: Never in my life
Girl: Will you ever kiss me?
Boy: Every chance I get
Girl: Will you hit me?
Boy: Are you crazy?

Smiling Sinews

15

Girl: Can I trust you?

Boy: Yes
Girl: Sweet heart
AFTER MARRIAGE:
Fun starts now (Read from bottom to top)
***
Beggar and the lady
Beggar: Mother, put me some rice. Hungry for the last
three days.
Lady: Rice is not cooked. Come after sometime.
Beggar: This is my cell number. Give me a missed call once
it is cooked.
(Beggar rocked and the lady is shocked)
Lady (recomposing herself): Why giving missed call? I will
upload in WhatsApp and you can download and eat.
(Lady rocked and the beggar shocked)
***
Bhagavad Gita
A Swamiji was on his tour to different villages propagating
Dharma. The villagers gave him sumptuous lunch and he
was sitting near the Hanuman temple.
Villager: Swamiji, can I get you Bhagavad Gita now? You
can tell something for us.
Swamiji: Now the stomach is full. You may bring it for
evening snacks.
***

16

Smiling Sinews

Biggest doubt
How to create the biggest doubt in your wifes mind for
you?
Just Suddenly send her SMS Saying..
I love you too (GAME OVER!)
***
Biggest SEX change operation
Teacher: Which was the Biggest SEX change operation
done in India?
Student: Queen Victoria Terminus became Chhatrapati
Shivaji Terminus........!
***
Biology Class
Teacher: Which Mammal flies in air but gives birth to young
ones on land...???
Student was so excited, as for the 1st time he knew the
Answer...!!!???
Student: AIRHOSTESS...!!!???
***
Birth Day
Suddenly wife wakes up her husband at 2 AM.
Wife: Who was heroine in film TRIDEV?
Husband:Madhuri Dixit,Sangita Bijlani and Sonam!!
Wife: What was the screen name of Kajol in Dil Vale
dulhaniya le jayege??
Husband:Simran!!

Smiling Sinews

17

Wife: Kavita, residing our opposite flat, when did she

moved in??
Husband: Two months completed last Wednesday. ...
But, why are you asking me all this in the middle of the
night??
Wife: Today was my birthday
Silence
Pin drop Silence
***
Biscuit Makers Love Letter
Biscuit maker writes a love letter to his girlfriend.
Dear MARIE,
Yesterday was a GOOD DAY.
Our meeting was TRULY NICE. But the chance of success
of our love is 50-50.
Because your father is a TIGER.
Will you give your LITTLE HEART to me?
The girl replied:Poda, KRACK JACK!
***
Black South Indians
Why Majority of South Indians is dark in complexion?
Santa at his best:
It is because they watch Sun TV, Surya TV, Udaya TV...
Without Sun Screen Lotion.
***

18

Smiling Sinews

Blood test
In an entrance of a hospital a villager asks a boy: Why
are you crying?
Boy- They cut my finger for blood test...
Villager: Oh my God, I came here for urine test.
***
BMW Car and the Bus Ticket
Boyfriend chatting with his girlfriend
BF Hi
GF - Hello
BF What are you doing darling...?
GF I am in BMW car with my dad. I am going to club and
from there I will go to shopping mall. I will send back the
car and dad. After dad leaving, I will call you. We can
meet. Where are you?
BF I am in the APSRTC bus sitting behind you. Dont
take the ticket, I have already taken it for you..
***
Book on suicide
Sense of Responsibility...
A man goes to library and asks for a book on Suicide
...............
Librarian looks at him and says: hello... Who will return
the book????
***

Smiling Sinews

19

Boys romance
On romantic date Santas girlfriend asks him:
Darling! On our engagement will you give me a ring?
He said: Sure! Whats your phone no.?
***
Brave people
There are many brave people who always want to fight
and be adventurous.
Some choose ARMY and retire soon.
Others get MARRIED and fight till death.
***
Broken tooth
Dentist: Why one of your teeth is broken?
Man: I ate a very hardened murukku prepared by my wife,
Doctor!
Dentist: If it is so bad you should have refused to eat.
Man: Then all 32 teeth would have been broken Doctor.
***
Burial in Jerusalem
A husband and his wife went to Jerusalem and the wife
died there.
Priest: Sending her body home would cost you $10000....
But... burial here at this holy city would cost just $100.
Man: Ill take the body home only!!!

20

Smiling Sinews

Priest: Why the costly option? You must really love your
wife a lot
Man: Nothing like that Father.. Just that. Jesus was
buried here and came alive on the 3rd day...
Why risk......!!!
***
Burnt her upside down
A husband & wife were always fighting with each other.
When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling
could be heard deep into the night. The woman would shout
- When I die, I will dig my way up, out of the grave and
come back and haunt you for the rest of your life..
Neighbors feared her and the woman liked the fact that
she was feared..
To everyones relief, she died of a heart attack when she
was 58. Her husband had a closed casket at the wake..
After the burial, he went straight to the local bar and
began to party, as if there was no tomorrow. His neighbors,
concerned for his safety, asked - Arent you afraid that
she may indeed be able to dig her way up and out of the
grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your
life??
The husband put down his drink and said - Let her dig. I
had her buried upside down.
***
C.A.T Examination
C.A.T Exam question:
Spell the word COW in 13 letters.

Smiling Sinews

21

Scientists got mad calculating it...

Even Professors couldnt answer...
Lecturers said that its a wrong query, printing mistake,
etc.
Toppers got confused..
Average students minds went blank cursing the question
setters..
But, Hang on.......here comes Rajani and gave a cool answer..
SEE O DOUBLE YOU
***
CAs wife
A little story of a C.As wife.
There was a C.A., who had worked all his life, had saved
all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his
money. Just before he died, he said to his wife...
When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it
in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the
afterlife with me.
And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart.
He died soon.
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting
there, dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next
to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before
the undertakers got ready to close the casket.
The obedient wife came over with the box and put it in
the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down
and they rolled it away.

22

Smiling Sinews

Then her friend said, Girl, I know you were not foolish
enough to put all that money in there with your husband.
The loyal wife replied,
Listen, Im a wife; I cannot go back on my word. I
promised him.
You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket
with him!?!?!?
I sure did, said the loyal wife. I got all the money
together, put it into my account, and wrote him a cheque....
I put the cheque in the casket. Now it is up to him to
encash the cheque.
If he can cash it, then he can spend it.
Wife kiski thi.........???
C.A. ki!!!
***
Call is free!
A man in Hell asked Devil: Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making call he asked how much he should pay.
Devil: Nothing. Hell to hell is Free.
***
Call of the lover
Edward: Darling, I am not getting sleep. called you at
this odd time in the night.
Jooly: You have kept the phone a few minutes back only
know
Edward: Shit, I dialed the same number.
***

Smiling Sinews

23

Campus selection
After completing his B.E...A Student took his girlfriend
to his home.
Father: Who is she?
Son replied...
Campus selection
***
Can I come with him tomorrow?
An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could
tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home
and was well taken care of.
He calmly came over to me; I gave him a few pats on his
head. He then followed me into my house, slowly walked
down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.
An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out
The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked
inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for
about an hour. This continued off and on for several
weeks.
Curious I pinned a note to his collar: I would like to find
out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and
ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your
dog comes to my house for a nap.
The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note
pinned to his collar: He lives in a home with a non-stopping
chatting wife, 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 -hes trying
to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?
***

24

Smiling Sinews

Cat is playing on the roof

A woman went on vacation, leaving her husband behind.
Before she left, she told him to take extra special care
of her cat. The next day she called her husband and asked
if the cat was alright.
Her husband said: The cat just died.
She burst into tears and said: How could you be so blunt?
Why couldnt you have broken the news gradually? Today
you could have said that it was playing on the roof;
tomorrow, you could have said that it fell off and had
broken its leg; then on the third day, you could have said
that the poor thing had passed away in the night. You could
have been more sensitive about the whole thing. By the
way, how is my mom?
Husband: She is playing on the roof.
***
CC TV
Grandfather: There was once a time when I used to go
with two rupees in my pocket and I would come home with
all groceries, bread, butter, milk, biscuits, newspaper etc...
Grandson: Its not possible to do so these days Grandpa...
Theyve put CCTV everywhere
***
Chemical formula for water
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for
water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said its H to O.
***

Smiling Sinews

25

Cheque Book
A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman
Which book has helped you most in your life?
The woman replied My husbands cheque book!!
***
Chick and the Hen
Chik: Mummy, these humans put names immediately when
they beget children. Why dont they put names to us?
Hen: They put names to us also- Chicken 65, Chilli chicken,
Tanduri chicken etc. Only difference is that they put
these names after our death.
***
Child and the Daddy
Child: Daddy, there is nothing which you cannot do. You
are a great person.
Daddy: Ya!
Child: But I have one doubt. Can you write in the darkness
also?
Daddy: Tell me what I should write.
Child: Put your signature on the progress report.
***
Chinese product
A Chinese man married an African woman and had a child.
Two months later the child passed away.
At the funeral house, the African woman kept sobbing
and saying: I KNEW IT!!! I KNEW IT!!!

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Smiling Sinews

A family member pulled her aside and asked:

What did you know? She replied: That, Chinese products
dont last long!!
***
Chinky Aunty
Mother to Son:
Who is Tippu Sultan?
Son: Dont know
Mother: Sometime give attention to study also.
Son to Mother: Do you know Chinky Aunty?
Mother: Dont know.
Son: Sometimes give attention to Dad also.
***
Chitraguptas problem
One day Chitragupt told Brahma that he should stop this
scheme that if ladies keep Karva Chauth...they will get
the same husband for the next seven births...
Brahma asked,Why?
Chitragupt: Prabhu,... its becoming difficult to manage...
The ladies want the same husband and the husbands want
a new wife.
Its a problem to convince both.
Brahma: But this cant be stopped...
Its been going on since times immemorial.
Just then Naarad muni comes and he suggested...

Smiling Sinews

27

On earth, there is a great person called Santa Singh

Ask him for a solution.
(Chitragupt meets Santa Singh)
In one minute Santa Singh solves the problem...
He advised Chitragupt...
Any lady who wants the same husband... tell her that she
will also get the same MOTHER IN LAW.
All women screamed Nahiiii!
Problem solved.
***
Cigarette is from your shop
Salesgirl: Sir no smoking in the shop.
Man: But I purchased cigarette from your shop only.
Salesgirl: Sir we sell condoms too, but it doesnt mean.
***
Closer to the ground
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, Im a lot closer to the ground than you are.
***
Clown
An unemployed engineer graduate was looking out for a
suitable job in his stream.
Being fed up after so many months of his job hunt, he
visited a circus group and asked for a job.

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But the owner said that there is a vacancy to act as a

monkey and perform funny actions. The unemployed youth
accepted the offer since he can at least afford his daily
food.
So he dressed up as a monkey and entertained the
audience. One day while he was performing the monkey
skills, he accidentally fell into the lions ring.
Everyone was shocked as the monkey fell into lions ring.
No one knew that he was a man dressed up as a monkey.
The man himself was dreadful and feared for his life.
The lion came closer to him but didnt attack.
He was surprised. The lion whispered,
Abe Gupta.....ghabra mat...!!
Sumit Shinde....VJTI 2009 batch... Electronics.
***
Complete and Finished
No one exactly knows the difference between complete
and finished.
In a linguistic conference held in London, one Samsundar
Balgobin of Guyana gave the answer and won the prize.
When you marry a right woman, you are COMPLETE. If
you marry a wrong woman, you are FINISHED. When
the right woman catches you with the wrong woman, you
are COMPLETELY FINISHED.
His answer received a five minutes standing ovation.
***

Smiling Sinews

29

Computer
Wife: Dear, this computer is not working as per my
command.
Husband: Exactly darling. It is a computer, not a Husband.
***
Conference call
Typical Conference calls in Corporates:
Caller1: Hi, this is Dheeraj from Wintel Team.
* Silence * - All waiting others to Join.
Caller2: Hi, this is Ajay from Backup & Storage Team.
* Silence * - All waiting others to Join.
Caller3: Hi, Its Shyam from Unix Team
* Silence * - All waiting others to Join.
Caller4: Hello, Kuldeep from Management.
* Silence * - All waiting others to Join.
Caller5: Hi, this is Ruchi from Application Team.
All:
Hi Ruchi,
Hi Ruchi
Hello Ruchi
Hi Ruchi thanks for joining!!!
***

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Smiling Sinews

Conversation of Tamil wife and Malayalee wife

Conversation between a Tamil wife and Malayalee wife in
Matunga Market:
Tamil wife: Enga husband Engineer, unga husband enna
panraar? (My husband is engineer and what is your
husband?)
Malayalee wife: Enga husband odittar (Auditor!!) (My
husband is auditor and she pronounced it as odittar which
in Tamil means, he passed away)
Tamil wife: Ayyo Pavame, sorry (Oh, great sorrow. Sorry)
***
Corporate Blackmailing
Employee to Boss: If you dont increase my salary, I will
tell the entire team that you have increased my salary.
***
Corporate Pressure
A company employee went to toilet in the office. As soon
as he sat on the seat, he noticed a poster in front of him.
It read:
Had you put the same pressure at work, companys
targets would have be achieved by today.
***
Correspondence course
A man was driving his car very fast. Traffic police caught
hold of him.
Man: Sir, I am learning driving.
Police man: Without a coach?
Man: Ya, it is correspondence course.
***

Smiling Sinews

31

Credit card
The Bride kissed her father and placed something in his
hand.
Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to
the father by the bride. The father could feel the
suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the
secret and say something.
So he announced: Ladies and Gentlemen, today is the
luckiest day of my life. Then he rose his hands with what
is his daughter gave him and said......
My daughter has finally returned my Credit Card to me!!!
The whole audience burst into laughter.....
Except the Groom!
***
Credit Card vis--vis a husband
Call from a Bank: Hello madam, we are offering a free
credit card with best deals, no annual charge, no interest
on balance for three months, big credit limit, no penalty
for overspending.
Girl: No, thanks. I have a husband, with life time zero
fees, unlimited limit, no interest forever.
***
Cute Girls and Angry Wives
Man: O! God, why all girls are so cute & sweet and why all
wives are always angry?
God: Girls are made by me and you make them wives.
That is your problem.
***

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Cyclone
Teacher: What is a cyclone?
Kittu: It is the loan given to purchase a cycle
***
Dating
Do you know oxygen and magnesium dating together?
Boy: OMg!!
What if Oxygen went on a date with Potassium?
Boy: Its OK.
***
Debriefing
Employee: Sir, Banta Singh is standing outside your cabin
with a bunch of underwear in a basket!
Boss: Oh shit! I told him to debrief his team and meet me
in 15 minutes...
***
Did you get my first message?
Wife sent text to hubby:
Hi I will get late, please cook dinner, then wash all dirty
dishes and make sure you prepare our bed and put kids
to sleep before I return.
She sent another text, And I forgot to tell you,,, I have
bought a bottle of Scotch for you
He texted: OMG, really?
She replied No I just wanted to check whether you
got my first message
***

Smiling Sinews

33

Difference between Einstein and a Politician

What is the difference between Einstein and a Politician?
Einstein said everything is relative. Politician says relative
is everything.
***
Doctor and the Patient
Doctor: Do you get sound sleep in the nights?
Patient: Sound is not that much. Only people sleeping in
my room complain. People in the rest of the building have
no problem.
***
Dont get panic
Ramesh: Why did u run away from operation table??
Ganesh: The nurse was repeatedly saying-dont get
nervous, dont be afraid. Be strong This is a small
operation only...
Ramesh: So what was wrong in that???? Why are you so
afraid??
Ganesh: She was talking to the surgeon!!!
***
Dont tell me your WhatsApp wisdom!
Once a father beats up his son and when son starts crying,
the father says sorry.
Smart son says - Take a piece of paper. Crumble it. Fold
it. Now open it. Say sorry to it. Are the scars on the
paper gone? Nahi na. Relationships are like this.

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Dad said- Take my scooter and try to start. Does it start?

Nahin naa. Now give it 3-4 kicks. Now does it start? Hua na.
Haram-khor... Tu wahi scooter hai, koi paper - waper nahi.
Aage se ye Facebook/WhatsApp wale gyaan apne baap
ko mat dena.
***
Donate eyes
Interesting Requests by Traffic department:
Donate blood, but not on Roads...
Forest department:
Shoot the bird with camera not with gun...
Petrol pump:
No smoking Your life may be worthless but our petrol
is costly
An Excellent line written on a hospital board:If you still want to continue looking at girls, even after
your death;
DONATE YOUR EYES...
***
Dress Change
Police asked the Thief: Why did u go to Steal 3 times in
the same Store?
The thief Replied: Sir, I stole one dress for my wife &
went to change it twice!
***

Smiling Sinews

35

Driving Salary
MD: I give you driver job. Starting salary is Rs 2000.
Man: Oh, thank you. What is the driving salary and
stopping salary?
***
Dukh and Khushi
Dukh hamesha saath rehta hai, magar khushi aati-jati
rehti hai.
Please explain in simple English with an example.
Santa: My wife is with me, but her sister visits
occasionally.
***
Dull Husband
Wife: I found Aladins lamp today.
Husband: wow, what did you ask for darling??
Wife: I asked him to increase your brain ten times...
Husband: oh....love you so much... Did he do that??
Wife: He laughed and said multiplication doesnt apply on
zero.
***
E-banking password
A mans e-banking password was:
Ram-sita-lakshman-hanuman-ravan-delhi-kezrival
Friend: (Helping him to do some transaction)Does this
much long password required?

36

Smiling Sinews

Man: What to do? The bank fellow told me that the

password 5 character and one capital.
Friend: That is OK. But why Kezrivals name?
Man: Oh! There should be one special character also!!!!
***
Economics is simple
Economics is not that difficult if we have the right
examples.
Interviewer: What is Recession?
Candidate: When Wine & Women get replaced by Water
& Wife - that critical phase of life is called Recession!!
***
Effective Communication
A classic example of effective communication:
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting
a complicated surgery on him and.....he insisted that his
son-in-law, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia, he spoke to his
son-in-law.
Yes, Dad, what is it?
Dont be nervous son; do your best and just remember,
if something happens to me.........
........your mother in law will come and live with you.
The surgery was a great success!!!
***

Smiling Sinews

37

Egg or Chick?
An intelligent student found the answer to the most
difficult question ever.
What will come first- chicken or egg?
Oye Yaar, whatever you order first will come first.
***
Empty stomach
Varun - How many apples can you eat on an empty
stomach?
Aliya: I can eat 6 apples.
Varun: Wrong. You can eat only 1 apple on empty stomach
because when you eat the 2nd apple thats not an empty
stomach!
Aliya: Wow superb joke. Ill tell my friend...
Aliya to Shraddha: How many apples you can eat on an
empty stomach?
Shraddha - I can eat 10.
Aliya - Pagal.. Sis bolti to mast joke sunati!!
***
Engineers vis--vis Doctors
5 Doctors and 5 Engineers are travelling by rail from
Pune to Mumbai.
They gather at Pune Railway Station.
Both groups desperately try to prove their superiority.
SCENE 1 (PUNE-MUMBAI):

38

Smiling Sinews

5 Engineers buy only 1 ticket, and 5 doctors buy 5 tickets.

Doctors are desperately waiting for the TC to come.
When TC arrives, all 5 Engineers get into one toilet, so
when TC knocks, one hand comes out with the ticket and
the TC goes away.
On the return journey, they dont get a direct train to
Pune, so both groups decide to take a passenger train till
Lonavala, from there they can easily get a Local Train to
Pune.
SCENE 2 (MUMBAI-LONAVALA):

Doctors decided, This time, we will prove that we are

smarter.
5 doctors buy 1 ticket, Engineers dont buy any ticket at
all! TC arrives
All doctor IN ONE TOILET.
ALL Engineers IN THE OPPOSITE TOILET.
One Engineer gets out and knocks the door of doctor
toilet.
One doctors hand comes out with the tickets,
Engineer takes the ticket and enters toilet.
TC drives out all the doctors from the toilet,
And they are heavily fined.
SCENE 3 (LONAVALA):
Now, both the groups are at LONAVALA Railway Station.

Smiling Sinews

39

Doctors are planning their move for a last chance; they

board the local train to Pune.
This time, doctors decide that they will play the same (1
ticket) trick.
ALL doctors take 1 ticket
Engineers buy 5 tickets.
TC Comes. All Engineers show their tickets,
AND Doctors are still searching for toilet in the Local
train!!!!!
***
English Shaayari
When you breathe, you respire.
Wah wah
When you breathe, you respire!
Wah wah kya baat hai
When you dont breathe,
You expire.
***
Etcetera
Pappi: Why do we sometimes write etc at the end in the
exam?
Boppi: It is because it means ...
E - End of
T - Thinking
C - Capacity.
***

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Euro English
The European Commission has just announced an
agreement whereby English will be the official language
of the European Union rather than German, which was
the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government
conceded that English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that
would become known as Euro-English.
In the first year, s will replace the soft c. Sertainly,
this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard
c will be dropped in favor of k. This should klear up
konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There
will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when
the troublesome ph will be replaced with f. This will
make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling
kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more
komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters
which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent e in
the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing th with z and w with v.
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary o kan be dropd from
vords kontaining ou and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a
reil sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find
it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil
finali kum tru.

Smiling Sinews

41

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey

vunted in ze forst plas.
***
Exercise is Hell
A Rabbit runs and jumps & lives only for 15 yrs.
While a turtle doesnt run and it
Does nothing.
Yet lives for 300 years!
Moral: Exercise is hell, just sleep well...
***
Express Train
Modi Express: Will not run, will whistle sharply every now
and then.
Bappi Lahari Express: Pull chain, another chain will be seen
behind it.
Ekta Kapoor Express: Will come three times on the same
platform in slow motion.
Salman Khan Express: Can run on footpath.
Manmohan Express: Very silent mail.
Rahul Gandhi Express: will get derailed very often.
Congress Express: Driver of the engine on leave.
Amit Shah Express: Covers whole of India except Delhi
The best train forever
Rajani Kant Express: Train will remain static at one place
and stations will come and go.
***

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Smiling Sinews

Facebook
Why is Facebook such a hit?
It works on the principle that
People are more interested in others life than their own.
***
Facts of Accountancy
Accountancy fact:
What is the difference between Liability & Asset?
A drunken friend is liability
But
A drunken girlfriend is an asset.
***
Family film
Wife: Yesterday I saw you going with a young lady to a
movie.
Husband: Honey, What can I do? You know that there
are no films now a day which can be seen with family
members.
***
Family problems
Family Problems..
Two men, an American and an Indian were sitting in a bar
and discussing about their family problems...
The Indian man said to the American, We have problem
in India; we cant marry the one whom we love. You know
my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called

Smiling Sinews

43

homely girl from a village whom I havent even met once.

We call this arranged marriage. I dont want to marry a
woman whom I dont love... I told them that openly and
now have a lot of family problems.
The American said, talking about love marriages... In
America We can marry the one whom we love... Ill tell you
my story. I married a widow whom I deeply loved and
dated for 3 years. After a couple of years, my father
fell in love with my step-daughter and married her, so my
father became my son-in-law and I became my fathers
father-in-law. Legally now my daughter is my mother and
my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when
I had a son. My son is my fathers brother and so he is my
uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son.
Now my fathers son, my brother is my grandson.
Ultimately, I have become my own grandfather and I am
my own grandson. And you say you have family problems.
The Indian fainted........!!!
***
Farmers and husbands
Teacher: What is the difference between farmers and
husbands?
Student: Farmers have agri-culture and husbands have
agree-culture.
***
Father disliked her
A man was searching for a good bride but in vain.
Friend: What is the difficulty in finding a girl?
Man: No, whomever I show, my mother dislikes her.
Friend: OK. Then you try to search a girl who looks like
your mother.

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The man searches and searches and found a lady who

looks like his mother.
Friend: Congrats. Your mother must have liked her.
Man: Ya. She asked go ahead for the marriage. But
Friend: Then what is the problem?
Man: My father did not like her.
***
Females never listen properly
Wife: I lost my keys again!
Husband: Its in your jeans.
Wife: Dont drag my family in to this...
***
Fifty years Wedding Anniversary
At St. Peters Catholic Church, they have weekly husbands
marriage seminars.
At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who
said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to
take a few minutes and share some insight into how he
had managed to stay married to the same woman all these
years.
Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, Well, I have
tried to treat her nicely, spend the money on her, but
best of all is, I took her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!
The priest responded, Giuseppe, you are an amazing
inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what
you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?
Giuseppe proudly replied, I gonna go and pick her up from
Italy.
***

Smiling Sinews

45

Fill up in Capital
A savvy villager went to a bank to open a Saving Bank
account.
After seeing the Form he went to Delhi for filling it up.
You know why?
Form said: Fill up in Capital.
***
First class in Airways
A Plane is on its way to Chandigarh, when Gurpreet in
Economy Class gets up, and moves to the First Class
section and sits down.
The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks to
see her ticket she then tells Gurpreet, that she paid for
economy class, and that she will have to sit in the back.
Gurpreet replies, Im Sardarni, Im beautiful, Im going
to Chandigarh and Im staying right here.
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the
pilot and the co-pilot that there is a Sardarni sitting in
first class, who belongs in economy, and wont move back
to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to Gurpreet and tries to explain
that because she only paid for economy she will have to
leave and return to her seat.
Gurpreet replies, Im Sardarni, Im beautiful, Im going
to Chandigarh and Im staying right here.
The co-pilot tells the pilot. The pilot says, You say she is
a sardarni? Ill handle this; Im married to a sardarni. I
speak sardars language.

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Smiling Sinews

He goes back to Gurpreet and whispers in her ear, and

she says, Oh, Im sorry. and gets up and goes back to
her seat in economy class..
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked
him what he said to make her move without any fuss. I
told her, . . . . . . . . . . . . . First Class is Not Going to
Chandigarh.
***
First young man to love you
Raju: Darling, perhaps I am the first young man to love
you
Rani after a pause: Ha! Others are all comparatively old
***
Five living animals of the ocean
Teacher: Tell me five living animals of the ocean?
Student: (after a while) it is frog
Teacher: Very good. Tell me the other four.
Student: Thank you teacher. Now I can tell. They are
frogs mother, father, son and daughter.
***
Flaws in the Dictionary
Napoleon: There are no words called IMPOSSIBLE and
FEAR in my dictionary.
Man: What should I do? You should have checked it before
buying!!!
***

Smiling Sinews

47

Football match
Subbarao: In my dreams rats play Football every night!
Doctor: Take this tablet you will be ok...
Subbarao: Can I have it tomorrow, tonight is the Final
Match!!!
***
Foreigner
After returning home from a foreign trip, a man asked
his wife: Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No... Why?
Man: In London, a lady asked me whether I am a
foreigner!!
***
Forgotten Purse
Girl: I had forgotten to bring my purse today. Can you
pay my lunch bill today?
Boy: Take this ten rupees, go home and get the purse.
***
Frustrated Techie
A frustrated husband in front of his laptop:
Dear google, please do not behave like my wife...
Please allow me to complete my sentence before you start
guessing & suggesting.
***

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Funny analysis of following women

A funny analysis...
If you follow the right woman you become Robert vadra...
If you follow the wrong woman you become Vijay Maliya...
If you follow many women you remain Salman khan
(bachelor)...
If you dont follow women you become Narendra Modi...
Beware do not follow woman blindly...else you become
Manmohan Singh...
Lastly...
If you keep on thinking who to follow...
Sorry... you will remain a kid like Rahul Gandhi.
***
Funny interview
Officer: What Is your name?
Candidate: M P. Sir.
Officer: Tell me properly.
Candidate: Muthu Pandi sir.
Officer: Your fathers name?
Candidate: M P. sir.
Officer: What does that mean?
Candidate: Muruga Pandi sir.
Officer: Your native place?
Candidate: M P. sir.

Smiling Sinews

49

Officer: Is it Madhya Pradesh?

Candidate: No, Madurai Pakkam sir.
Officer: What is your qualification?
Candidate: M P. sir.
Officer: (Angrily) what is it?
Candidate: Metric pass sir.
Officer: Why do you need a job?
Candidate: M P. sir.
Officer: And what does that mean?
Candidate: Money problem sir.
Officer: Describe your personality?
Candidate: M P. sir.
Officer: Explain yourself clearly...
Candidate: Mind-blowing personality sir.
Officer: This discussion is now over, you may go.
Candidate: M P. sir.
Officer: hum What is it now??
Candidate: My performance sir.
Officer: M P. da
Candidate: What is that sir? ....??
Officer: Moodittu Poda .. (In Tamil, it means, first get out)
Candidate: M P. sir.
Officer: Now What Is this????
Candidate: My pleasure sir.
***

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Gaps
What is GENERATION GAP?
Father used to walk 20 Minutes to save Rs 20
Son spends Rs 20 to save 20 minutes.
(Surprisingly both are correct...!!!)
Cultural Gap
If electricity goes in America they call the power house.
In Japan, they test the fuse,
But In India, they check neighbors house, power has gone
there too....then ok!
***
Garbhavati
Dad:- Beta maine tere liye ladki dekhi hai.
Wo Rupmati hai
Bhagyvati hai
Gunvati hai
Sarswati hai...!
Son:- Dad me kisi aur se pyaar karta hu aur woh
Garbhavati hai!
***
Gas Cylinder
Pappu - What would be the condition of society if the
faces of all people look alike?
Golu - Simple. It would be like gas cylinders- one day in
this house and one day in that house.
***

Smiling Sinews

51

Gay Bar
Four friends (Ladies) meet 30 years after school at
reunion.....
One goes to take food while the other three start to talk
about how successful their sons became.
First one says that her son studied economics, became a
banker and is so rich that he gave his best friend a Ferrari.
The second one said her son became a pilot, started his
own airline, and became so rich that he gave his best friend
a Jet.
The third one said her son became an engineer, started
his own development company, and became so rich that
he had built his best friend a castle.
The fourth one came back with a plate full of food and
asked what the buzz is about.
They told her they were talking about how successful
their sons became and asked her about her son.
She said her son is gay and he works in a Gay Bar.
The other three said she must be very disappointed with
her son for not becoming successful.
Oh no!! Said the Lady, he is doing good.
Last week on his birthday he got a Ferrari, a Jet and a
Castle from three of his boyfriends...
***
Ghazal vis--vis lecture
What is the diff between GHAZAL & LECTURE?
Every word spoken by the girlfriend is GHAZAL and
Every word spoken by wife is LECTURE
***

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Gift from London

Wife: I am going to London. Do you want any gift?
Husband: A British girl...
Wife: Ok...
Wife returns..
Husband: where is the gift?
Wife: Wait for 9 months.
***
Gift to grandma
Sister to brother: What is you going to gift grandma on
her birth day?
Brother: A football
Sister: But grandma does not play!
Brother: On my birthday she gave me Bhagavat Gita.
***
Girl Chatting Online
A Girl chatting online with unknown man........
Man: Can you give me your e-mail id?
Girl: Sure........here its...
ihaveBoyFrnd.ilovehim@getlost.com
Unknown man: Thanks.....heres my e-mail id....
imUrDad@comehome.TodayDiwali foryou.com
***

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53

Girl gets selected and boy gest rejected

Boy gets rejected and the girl gets selected in an
interview for the same - same reason...
The first button of the shirt was opened
***
Give whatever that wife asks for
In the morning, wife asked for newspaper...
Husband: How backward you are... The world has
progressed so much and you are asking for newspaper?
Here, have my iPad....
Wife killed the cockroach with the iPad....
Husband fell unconscious...
Moral of the Story: Give whatever that wife asks for
***
God is busy watching apples
In a Nursery School canteen.
There is a basket of apples with a notice written over it:
Do not take more than one, God is watching.
On the other counter there is a box of chocolates.
A small child went and wrote on it: Take as many
chocolates as you want. God is busy watching the apples.
Never act smart with present Generation of kids.
***
God who has forgotten
A prayer from a devotee:
God, when I am a boy you gave me the childhood and had
taken out in no time.

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Smiling Sinews

In adulthood, you gave me youth and had again taken out

in no time.
Now you had given me a wife and now I am reminding you
whether you had forgotten?
***
Good Day
Good day is not created by God.....
Nor it is designed by our parents......
Not even prepared by us.......
Nature too does not give us a good day.........
Is it our friends.....? Or our Family..? Or is it by ourselves....?
No...........................................
Good Day is manufactured only by Britannia biscuit
company.
***
Good evening to you and your family
Student 1: Results are out, come well go & see
Student 2: I am with my dad. You see mine & please
message me. If fail in one subject, say Good evening to
you If 2 subjects then say Good evening to youu & your
dad
Later,
Student 1sends a message:
Good evening to you, your dad, your family & neighbors
also.
***

Smiling Sinews

55

Good for health

Two ladies were talking on the road.
First lady: Bored with the husband. I am seeking a
boyfriend. Boyfriend is like pannipuri, always tasty.
Second: Me too. I am looking for a lover. Lover is like
Pizza, hot & spicy.
An old woman interrupts: Boyfriend is like pannipuri,
always tasty. ...... Lover is like Pizza, hot & spicy. .......
Husband is like Daliya, no other option but Good for
health...!
***
Gopal Singh is relaxing
A few Americans visited India and they got dispersed in
a mall and were enquiring about others with the person
sitting in the Reception Desk. The person in the reception
desk was almost drowsy.
American: Are you relaxing?
Man in Reception: No I am Gopal Singh..
After a while, another American: Are you relaxing?
Man: No. I am Gopal Singh..
After a while, another American: Are you relaxing?
Man: No (Shouting). I am Gopal Singh.
The man in the Reception left the place in anger.
He asks one American lying nearby
Are you relaxing?
American: Yes.
The man slaps him & says, you idiot, go there. All are
searching for you.
***

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Smiling Sinews

Government Holidays
Teacher: What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA,
RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?
Student: All are born on government holidays...!!!
***
Grand father
GRANDFATHER TO GRANDSON: Go hide! Your teacher
is coming as you bunked school today!
GRANDSON: You go and hide... I told her YOU PASSED
AWAY!!
***
Great confusion
Jawaharlal Nehru said, LAZINESS IS YOUR BIGGEST
ENEMY
Mahatma Gandhi said, ALWAYS LOVE YOUR ENEMY
Ab batao bapu ki sune ya chachu ki?
***
Guardian Angel
A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice
from behind,
If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your
head and kill you.
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him.
The man was astonished.
He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the
road. Once again the voice shouted, Stop! Stand still! If

Smiling Sinews

57

you take one more step a car will run over you, and you
will die.
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came
careening around the corner, barely missing him.
The man asked, Who are you?
I am your guardian angel, the voice answered.
Oh, yeah? the man asked, And where the hell were you
when I got married?
***
Gujjus intelligence
An Arab falls in love with a gujju girl and decides to meet
her father.
Arab: Your daughter is beautiful and I love her. If you
let me marry her I will give you gold equal to her weight.
Gujrati: I need time.
Arab: To think?
Gujrati: No no...To help her gain weight!
***
Hair cutting
While cutting hair, the official Barber asked the Minister
Kapil Sibal,
Whats this Swiss Bank issue?
Kapil Sibal shouted, You! are you cutting hair or
conducting an inquiry?
Barber: Sorry sir, I just asked.

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Smiling Sinews

Next day, while cutting the hair, he asked President

Pranab Mukherjee,
Sir, whats this black money issue?
Pranab shouted, Why did you ask me this question?
Barber: Sorry sir, just asked you
Next day, CBI interrogated the barber, Are you an agent
of Baba Ramdev?
Barber: No Sir.
CBI: Are you the agent of Anna Hazare?
Barber: No sir.
CBI: Then while cutting the hair, why did you ask these
VIPs about Swiss Bank and Black money issues?
Barber: Sir, I do not know why, but when I ask about
Swiss Bank or Black money, their hairs stand up straight;
and that helps me to cut the hair easily; thats why I keep
asking.
***
Hairy ears
The son-in-law was very jealous at the wealth and fortunes
of his father-in-law. He too wanted to earn and excel his
father-in-law. He is a dullard and he went to a village
head-man for suggestion.
Head-man: What do you observe that is prominently there
for your father-in-law which you are lagging?
Son-in-law: (after a great thought) It is hairy ears. My
father-in-law has lot of hair on ears which I do not have.
Head-man: (understanding that he is dullard) You pray
for God for hairy ears.

Smiling Sinews

59

Son-in-law goes to forest and start performing tapas. God

appears and asks: What do you want?
Son-in-law: I want hairy ears.
God: Done.
Son-in-law is surprised to find long, beautiful hair on his
ears. He started a business and it was an utter failure.
He went to Head-man.
Son-in-law: I did what you suggested. God gave me hairy
ears. But my business collapsed.
Head-man: (Unable to believe the truth) You fool. What
did you do? When God asked you a boon, you could have
asked wealth straight. Why this hair?
Son-in-law: Why did you give me wrong advice then?
***
HDFC & ICICI Banks
Rajesh and Ramya are flying to Australia to celebrate
their anniversary when suddenly, over the PA system, the
Pilot announces,
Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad
news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will
attempt an emergency landing.
Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should
be able to land on the beach.
However, the odds are that we may never be rescued as
it is a totally unknown island. So we may have to live on
the island for the rest of our lives!
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands
safely on the island.

60

Smiling Sinews

An hour later after deep thought, Rajesh turns to his wife

and still shaken from the crash landing, asks, Ramya, have
we paid our Credit Card dues yet?
Oh, No! Im sorry. I forgot to send the cheque,
And did you send cheque for the auto loan this month?
he asks.
Oh! Forgive me, Rajesh, begged Ramya. I didnt send
that one, either.
Rajesh grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 20 years.
Ramya pulls away and asks him, So, why are you kissing
me?
Rajesh: Thank you Honey. We are saved! HDFC & ICICI
will definitely find us!
***
He was made by mistake
A man was writing past tense of I make a mistake
Guess what he wrote?
I was made by a mistake
***
Height and weight
Lady to her dietician: What I am worried is about my
height and not weight.
Doctor: How come?
Lady: According to my weight, my height should be 7.8
feet.
***

Smiling Sinews

61

Height of Coolness
2 Guys coming out of the examination Hall with chips and
coke in hands....
1st guy: Which paper was it?
2nd guy: I think maths......
1st guy:(surprisingly) you read the question paper?
2nd guy: no I saw a girl sitting beside me using calculator:
***
His computer message
A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his
room, so he decided to send a mail to his wife.
He accidentally typed the wrong email address, and
without realizing he sent the mail to a widow who just
returned from her husband's funeral.
The widow decided to check her mail, expecting
condolence messages from relatives and friends. After
reading the first message she fainted.
The son rushed into the room, found his mother on the
floor and saw the computer screen which read:
'My loving wife, I know you are surprised to hear from
me. They have computers here and we are allowed to send

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Smiling Sinews

mails to loved ones. I have just been checked in. How are
you and the kids? The place is really nice but I am lonely
here. I have made necessary arrangement for your arrival
tomorrow. Expecting you darling! I can't wait to see you.'
***
Heights of polished English accent
At PVR Cinemas....
Customer - One veg burger please.....
Shopkeeper - Sir, do you want me to vomit?
Customer: What!!
Shopkeeper - Shall I vomit sir..?
(30 seconds of long pause....)
Customer - Oh ya ya please...... please warm it...
Heights of polished English accent
***
Hell in India
A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is
a different hell for each country.
He goes to the German hell and asks, What do they do
there?

Smiling Sinews

63

Somebody told, First they put you in an electric chair

for an hour.
Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the German devil comes in and beats you for the
rest of the day.
The man doesnt like it, so he moves on and checks out
the American hell, the Russian hell and hells of other
countries.
He finds that theyre all more or less the same as the
German hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is
a long queue of people waiting to get in.
Amazed, he asks, What do they do here?
The Hell-In-Charge told, First they put you in an electric
chair for an hour.
Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the Indian devil comes in and beats you for the rest
of the day.
But that is exactly the same as all the other hells; so why
are so many people waiting to get in here? wonders the
man.
He is told, Because the maintenance here is so bad that
the electric chair does not work,
Someone has stolen all the nails from the bed and the
Indian devil is a former government servant,
So he just comes, signs the attendance register and then
goes to the canteen..!
***

64

Smiling Sinews

Helpless God
God: I am pleased with your prayers. Ask me what do you
want?
Man: I want to lay a road between USA and India.
God: That is not possible. Laying road overseas, land and
across boundaries of different countries is very difficult.
Ask me something else.
Man: Please make my wife listen to whatever I say and
obey.
God: Tell me son, do you want single lane or double lane
road.
***
Himami vis--vis Tsunami
Teacher: What is the difference between HIMAMI &
TSUNAMI?
Pappu: HIMAMI is face wash, TSUNAMI is total wash.!
***
Hindi Tera Baap
A Tamilian call up Sardar and asks tamil therima??
Sardar got mad, angrily replied. Hindi tera baap!!!
***
Hot Coffee
Santa took his wife to a coffee shop and started drinking
coffee hurriedly and burnt his lips. He forced his wife to
drink the coffee fast. She asked why so hurry.
Santa: See the menu card hot coffee Rs. 50 and Cold
coffee Rs. 100 have a nice day
***

Smiling Sinews

65

How Mallus changed religion?

How did St. Thomas convert Keralites to Christianity?
St Thomas said, Jesus healed the sick . Mallus didnt
believe.
He said, Jesus died for you . Mallus said Oh Pinne
He said Jesus fed 5000 people from 5 loaves and 2
fishes. Mallus said onnu podaappaa .
He said Jesus converted water to wine.
23 % of Malayalees converted to Christianity.
***
How much love?
Wife: Darling, how much do you love me?
Husband: I love you so much and I cannot measure it.
Wife: No, just tell how much.
Husband: See, you are like a SIM card and I am like a
phone. Without you I am nothing.
Wife: Who, that is romantic.
Husband: (saying to himself) Thank God, she does not
know that I am a China phone having 3 SIMs.
***
How to reach Karnataka from Bangalore
A PG resident: I am from Gujarath and came to Bangalore
last month. People here say that Karnataka is a nice place
and you need to travel Karnataka. So please help me as
to how to reach this place.

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Smiling Sinews

Colleague: Hey, you need help. Dial 108 and ask them for
a lift to Karnataka from Bangalore. They might drop you
at a beautiful place in Wilson Garden called NIMHANS.
All your queries will be successfully answered there.
***
How old is your father?
Teacher: How old is your father?
Kid: He is 6 years.
Teacher: What? How is this possible?
Kid: He became father only when I was born.
***
HR Manager for a sales job
A HR Manager left the job and applied for a salesmans
job at Londons premier downtown department store.
In fact, it was the biggest store in the world - you could
get anything there.
The boss asked him, Have you ever been a salesman
before? No replied the lad. The boss liked the cut of
him and said, You can start tomorrow and Ill come and
see you.
The day was long and arduous for the young man, but he
got through it.
And finally 6:00 PM came around.
The boss duly fronted up and asked, How many sales did
you make today?
Sir, Just ONE sale. said the young salesman.

Smiling Sinews

67

Only one sale? blurted the boss.

No! No! You see here, most of my staff make 20 or 30
sales a day.
If you want to keep this job, youd better be doing better
than just one sale.
By the way How much was the sale worth?
93300534.00 pounds said the young man.
What, How did you manage that? asked the
flabbergasted boss.
Well, said the salesman, This man came in and I sold
him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a
really large hook.
Then I sell him new fishing rod and some fishing gear.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said
down the coast.
So I told him hed need a boat, so I took him down to the
boat department and sold him that twenty-foot schooner
with the twin engines.
Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldnt be able to
pull it, so I took him to our automotive department and
sold him that new Deluxe 4X4 Blazer.
I then asked him where hell be staying, and since he had
not decided, I took him to camping department and sold
him one of those new igloo 6-sleeper camper tents.
Then the guy said, while were at it, I should throw in
about $100 worth of groceries and two cases of beer.
The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment,
You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook!

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Smiling Sinews

No answered the salesman, He came in to buy a

headache relief tablet and I convinced him that fishing
is best remedy for headache.
Boss - You take my chair...
***
Husband
Heated gold is called ornament.
Beated copper is called wire.
Compressed carbon is called diamond.
Heated, beated and compressed human is called
HUSBAND
***
Husband the Master of the House
A prospective husband in a book store Do you have a
book called, Husband the Master of the House?
Sales Girl: Sir, Fiction and Comics are on the 1st floor!
***
Husband and Whisky
Husband was sipping his whisky while sitting on the
balcony with his wife and he says, I love you so much, I
dont know how I could ever live without you.
Wife asks, is that you or the whisky talking?
Husband replies, It is me. Talking to whisky.
***

Smiling Sinews

69

Husband Missing
Lady - My husband who went out to buy dosa mix three
days back, has been missing since then
Police - What were you doing all these days??!!!??
Lady - Well, somehow managed with upma and pooris.
***
Husbands Lunch
Wife: Had you finish lunch?
Husband: (in a fun mood) you had lunch?
Wife: I am asking you.
Husband: I am asking you.
Wife: Are you copying me?
Husband: Are you copying me?
Wife: Let us go for shopping.
Husband: I had lunch.
***
Hyderabad Classroom
A teacher asked a boy in a school at Hyderabad...
What is the spelling of Apple?
Boy said ... tsple
Teacher asked.. I asked the spelling of A for Apple
spelling
Yes sir... TSple
Idiot, dont you know the spelling of APPLE?

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Smiling Sinews

I know sir but KCR anna said to replace AP by TS in entire

Telangana...
Teacher faints!!!
***
I also grew in career
A car-lifter is nabbed by the police and they produced
him in the court.
Judge: When I was a lawyer, you were produced here as
cycle thief. When I was Public Prosecutor, the police
brought you as bike-lifter. Now I am judge and are you
produced here as a car-lifter.
Thief: As you grew in career path, I also grew sir.
***
I am counting
Husband: Tumhre Shadi se pehle kitne boyfrnd the?
Wife silent!
Husbend chilla k: Main is khamoshi ko kyA smjhu?
Wife: Haye rabba....Gin to rhi hoon chilla kyu rhe ho.
***
I am just kidding
Wife: How would you describe me?
Husband: ABCDEFGHIJK.
Wife: What does that mean?
Husband: Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant,
fashionable, gorgeous, and hot.

Smiling Sinews

71

Wife: Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?

Husband: Im just kidding!
***
I am Pascal
Scientists were playing hide & seek in heaven.
Einstein was seeker.
Newton didnt hide & he stood in a square of 1 meter.
Einstein: I found you Newton!! Thhappa!!!
Newton: You are wrong.
I am not Newton.
As I am standing in 1 meter square, I am Newton/per mt sq.
So I am Pascal.
***
I was watching TV news
Ramlal to the police: Sir, all the items are missing, except
the TV in my house.
Police: How is that the thief did not take the TV?
Ramlal: I was watching TV news...
***
I will stay with your sister
Ramlal: If I die, will you remarry?
Wife: No! Ill stay with my sister. But if I die will you
remarry?
Ramlal: No, Ill also stay with your sister.
***

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Smiling Sinews

ICU patients
In a hospital ICU patients died in the same bed every
Sunday between 10 and 11 am.
Doctors thought it was something super natural.
Expert team came to investigate the case. They were
closely watching suddenly..
Gangubhai (part time Sunday sweeper) entered the ICU,
unplugged the Life Support system of that bed and
plugged her mobile charger.
***
Impact of job change
One day a taxi passenger touched driver on his shoulder
to ask something. Driver screamed, lost control of car,
went up on foot path and finally stopped the vehicle.
Passenger apologized and said, I did not realize that a
little touch would scare you so much.
Driver replied, Sorry. It is not your fault. It is my first
day as cab driver. I have been driving a van in the past
few years carrying dead bodies.
***
Importance in a company
Boss: Now tell me young man, on what occasion did you
realize that you have importance in the company?
Employee: Honestly sir, whenever I apply my leave.
***

Smiling Sinews

73

Indian Mayor and American Mayor

Indian Mayor goes to USA to study the developmental
works in USA. He found the Mayors house very big and
enquired: How could you build such a great building?
American Mayor: See that bridge over the river. I had
siphoned 10% of the contract.
In the next year, American Mayor visited his Indian
counterpart. Your house seems much bigger and costlier
than my house? How did you build it?
Indian Mayor: Do you see a bridge there?
American Mayor: No.
Indian Mayor: Ha, ha. You cannot see because I used the
money to build my house.
***
Inflation
Wife; Tell me what is inflation.
Husband:
Pehle tu 36-24-36 thi
Ab tu 48-40-48 hai!
Ab tere pass sab kuch pehle se jyada hai, phir bhi Teri
value pahle se kam hai.
YAHI INFLATION HAI!
***
Inheritance
A person on his death bed (in Mumbai at Hospital) was
with his wife, kids and nurse beside him.

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Smiling Sinews

Man to the eldest son: You take the 15 bungalows at

Borivali.
To daughter: You take the 8 bungalows at Juhu.
To youngest son: You are my youngest and dearest and
I want your future to be bright, so you keep the 20 offices
at Nariman Point.
To wife: Dear Kavita, you keep all 11 of our Lokhandwala
building flats.
Nurse - quite impressed - to wife: Oh...You are lucky to
have such a husband who is so rich and giving you all the
properties etc.
Wife: What properties.what rich...?
Hes a milk delivery man.
He is distributing our responsibilities of delivering milk
to his clients in the morning.
***
Innocent child
Child: Mom, get me a whistle.
Mother: You are naughty. You whistle throughout the day.
Child: Promise mummy. This time I whistle only after
everybody sleeps in the night.
***
Innocent face
Which is the most Innocent Face in the world?
1. A Sleeping baby
2. Employee standing in front of his boss for leave
3. Student in front of his parents with report card

Smiling Sinews

75

4. Newly married son-in-law

And the winner is....
5. Bangkok Returned husband...
***
Inspirational speech with a long pause
An inspirational speaker said: The best years of my life
were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasnt my wife.
Audience was in shock and silence. He added: She was
my mother
A big round of applause and laughter followed! ...
A very daring husband tried to crack this at home. After
dinner, he said loudly to his wife in the kitchen: The best
years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who
wasnt my wife.
He tried to recall the second line of that inspirational
speaker. There was a long pause.
By the time he gained his senses, he was on a hospital bed,
recovering from burns of boiling water!
***
Insurance
Office Assistant: Sir, please see and sign this letter. The
customer is a lady. She has not filled in all the questions
in the proposal. We have to impose extra premium if she
is pregnant.
Officer reads out the letter which he is supposed to sign:
Madam, please let us know whether you are pregnant
for our doing the needful.
***

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Smiling Sinews

Intelligent Husband
Wife was busy in packing her clothes.
Husband - Where are you going?
Wife - Im moving to my mother.
Husband also starts packing his clothes.
Wife - Now where are you going?
Husband - Im also moving to my mother.
Wife - And what about the kids?
Husband - Well I guess ... If you are moving to your mother
and Im moving to my mother...
They should move to their mother.
Clothes unpacked.
***
Intelligent man
Sonia Gandhi is with the Queen of England.
Sonia: Your Majesty, any tips you can give me to stay in
power, the way you have been for so long?
Well, said the Queen, the most important thing is to
surround yourself with intelligent people.
Sonia frowned, and then asked, But how do I know the
people around me are intelligent?
The Queen: Easy; you just ask them to answer an
intelligent riddle.
The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. David
Cameron, would you come in here, please?
David Cameron walked into the room and said, Yes,
maam?

Smiling Sinews

77

The Queen smiled and said, Answer me this please, David.

Your mother and father have a child. Its not your brother
and its not your sister. Who is it?
Without pausing for a moment, David Cameron answered,
That would be me, maam.
Very good! Thank you, David! said the Queen.
Then she turned to Sonia with a smile and said See?
Now its Sonias turn to apply the same logic....
Sonia went back to India and asked Rahul..
Rahul, answer this for me. Your mother and your father
have a child. Its not your brother and its not your sister.
Who is it?
Im not sure, said Rahul Gandhi. Let me get back to you
on that one...
Rahul Gandhi went to his advisors and asked everyone,
but none could give him an answer...
Finally, he ran into Narendra Modi and asked,
Narendrabhai, can you answer this for me? Your mother
and father have a child and its not your brother or your
sister. Who is it?...
Narendra Modi answered, Thats easy, its me!..
Rahul Gandhi said, Thanks!
Then he went back to Sonia. I did some thinking and I
have the answer to that riddle. Its Narendra Modi...
Sonia slapped him....and shouted...
No! You dumb idiot! Its David Cameron!
***

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Smiling Sinews

International scientific Question

Q. On heating which liquid becomes solid?
China: No any such type of answer found in books.
UK: Not found on net.
US: Meaningless question.
France: Dont know the answer.
A Student from I.I.N. Chennai branch: DOSA
***
Inter-religion integration
I went to an Inter-Religion Integration Seminar.
The Bishop came, laid his hands on my hand and said, By
the will of Jesus Christ, you will walk today!
I smiled and told him I was not paralyzed.
The Rabbi came, laid his hands on my hand and said, By
the will of God Almighty, you will walk today!
I was less amused when I told him there was nothing wrong
with me.
The Mullah came, took my hands and said, Insha Allah,
you will walk today!
I snapped at him, Theres nothing wrong with me
The Buddhist Monk came, held my hands and said, By the
will of The Great Buddha, you will walk today!
I rudely told him there was nothing wrong with me.
Finally, the Hindu priest came, held my hands and said by
the will of God you will walk today.

Smiling Sinews

79

I sniggered at him and looked the other way.

After the Seminar, I stepped outside and found my bike
had been stolen.
***
Intolerance
Due to rising intolerance at home I leave home every day
at 9am and go to my office .....and...
At 6 pm everyday due to rising intolerance in office I
leave my office and go home.
(This joke is widely circulated when Congress stalled the
Parliament on Intolerance Issue)
***
Is that one word or two?
An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going
out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their
friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a
long conversation regarding how their marriage might
work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and
so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to
broach the subject of their physical relationship.
How do you feel about sex? he asked, rather tentatively.
I would like it infrequently she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his
glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered - Is that
one word or two?
***

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Smiling Sinews

It is Me
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have
today that we didnt have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
***
It is me, Philomina
Two priests decided to go to Goa on vacation. They were
determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing
anything that would identify them as clergy.
As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and
bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals,
sunglasses, etc. The next morning they went to the beach
dressed in their tourist garb.
They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the
sunshine and the scenery when a drop dead gorgeous
blonde in a bikini came walking straight towards them.
They couldnt help but stare. As the blonde passed them
she smiled and said
Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father, nodding
and addressing each of them individually, then she passed
on by.
They were both stunned.
How in the world did she know they were priests?
So the next day, they went back to the store and bought
even more outrageous outfits. These were so loud you
could hear them before you even saw them!
Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their
chairs to enjoy the sunshine.

Smiling Sinews

81

After a little while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a

different colored bikini, taking her sweet time, came
walking toward them.
Again she nodded at each of them, said Good morning,
Father ~ Good morning, Father, and started to walk away.
One of the priests couldnt stand it any longer and said,
Just a minute, young lady.
Yes, Father?
We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how
in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we
are?
She replied,
Father, its me, Sister Phillomena!!!
***
Job in Airtel
JOB in Airtel.
Send your resume to careers@airtel.in
Last date: 31st May 2015.
Location: Mumbai.
Salary: 95,000/- per month.
Job Description:
To sit on Airtel tower
& stop Vodafone signals!
***

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Job in Underwear Company

A man went to an underwear company for a job. After
initial questions, the manager says, if you can answer this
final question, the job is yours.
Manager: We pack our underwear in 7-packs, 5-packs
and 12-packs. Why?
The man thought for a while and replied, The 7-packs
are for Indian men- one for each day of the week. The
5-packs are for Americans- Monday to Friday, and they
dont wear underwear on weekends. The 12-pack are for
Pakistani men- one each for January, February
December.
He got the job.
***
K.P.Nambudri
Doctor: Which soap do you use?
Patient: K. P. Namboodiris soap.
Doctor: Paste?
Patient: K. P. Namboodiris paste
Doctor: Shampoo?
Patient: K. P. Namboodiris shampoo.
Doctor: Is K.P. Namboodiri an international brand?
Patient: No. K. P. Namboodiri is my roommate!
***
Kamalesh and Kavitha
The love story of Kamlesh and Kavita.
Kamlesh and Kavita were both patients in a mental
hospital..

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83

One day while they were walking past the hospital

swimming pool, Kamlesh suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Kavita promptly jumped in to save him.
She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Kavitas
heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged
from the hospital as she now considered her to be mentally
stable.
When she went to tell Kavita the news she said: Kavita,
I have good news and bad news.
The good news is youre being discharged since you were
able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and
saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded
that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is that Kamlesh hung himself in the bathroom
with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so
sorry, but hes dead.
Kavita replied promptly: He didnt hang himself; I put him
there to dry
***
Karta, Karma and Kriya
Teacher: What do you mean by Karta, Karma and Kriya?
Student: When you teach, you is karta. We dont
understand it. That is our Karma. Then we force you to
stop the lecture. That is Kriya.
Note: In Sanskrit, Karta, Karma and Kriya denote subject,
object and the verb respectively.
***

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Smiling Sinews

Kaun Banega Croropati?

Sundarlal in the KBC show.
Amitabh: Apka last question 5 crore ka yeh raha apke
samne..
Contestant Sundarlal is tensed.
Amitabh: Who is the father of Abhishek Bachan?
Computer Screen:
A. Amitabh Bachan
B. Dharmendra
C. Amjad Khan
D. Sanjeev Kumar
Amitabh: Apka kya jawab hai?
(He is quite sure that Sundarlal will opt for A)
But Sundarlal is still confused.
Sundarlal: I think it is A
Are you sure? says Amitabh in style
Sundarlal gets more confused and nervous.
Sundarlal: I would like to use 50:50?
Amitabh: Ok computer, do galat javabo ko mita de...
Computer after deleting two names leaves two options
which are: B. Dharmendra
C. Amjad Khan

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85

Amitabh is confused and tensed and thinks how come the

computer has made this mistake. But as is said in Bollywood
the show must go on. Now Sundarlal is even more confused.
Sundarlal: I would like to use the last life line phone a
friend...
Amitabh: Ap kisko phone karna chahenge?
Sardar: Mein Jaya Bachan ji ko phone karna chahoonga.
Amitabh Bachchan is shocked!!! But the call gets
connected to Jaya Bachchan
Santa Singh: Jayaji, Who is the father of Abhishek
Bachchan!?
Jaya Bachchan asks, What are the options?
Amitabh faints...
***
Kind Manager
A wealthy Manager was driving in his car and he saw a
poor man eating the grass. Disturbed by the sight, he
stopped the car and enquired: Why are you eating grass?
We dont have any money for food. We have to eat the
grass. The poor man said.
Then you come with me and I will feed you.
But sir, I have a wife and five children.
Bring them all, the Manager said.
On the way, the poor man said, Sir, you are very kind.
Thank you for taking us with you.

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Manager: Glad to do that. You will really love my place.

The grass is also one meter high.
Lesson: Never trust managers. And there is nothing like
kind managers.
***
Ladies over the decades
1970 ladiesHusband: Ek cup coffee!
Wife: Abhi laee ji
1980 ladiesHusband: Ek cup coffee!
Wife: Abhi laee.
1990 ladies:
Husband: Ek cup coffee!
Wife: Abhi laa rahi hu.
2000 ladiesHusband: Ek cup coffee!
Wife: Banake pi lo.
2010 ladies:
Husband: Ek cup coffee!
Wife: Kya pucha?
Husband: Maine pucha, ek cup coffee tumhari bhi bana
du.
***

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87

Lady at the Bar Table

A lady visited a Bar for the first Time. She sat on the
table in front of the bar tender..
A guy at her left side ordered: Jack Daniels, Single
A guy at her right side ordered: Johnny Walker, Single
The bar tender looked at the lady & said: And you..??
Lady replied: Savitri Deshpande, Married.
***
Leave Letter
A Manager has sent a telegram to the Divisional Manager
for sanction of leave. The telegram reads like this:
Wife delivered. Send a substitute.
***
Legal but not logical, logical but not legal &
neither legal nor logical
Chintu: Sir, Can I ask you one question?
Professor: Yes.
Chintu: If you can answer this question, I will accept my
final marks, if you cant; you will have to give me A
grading.
Professor agreed.
Chintu asked: What is legal but not logical, logical but
not legal & neither legal nor logical?
Prof thought about it for hours & pondered but couldnt
think of an answer.

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He had to finally give up as he really did not know the

answer.
He gave this boy A grading as promised.
The following day, Professor asked same question to his
students.
He was shocked when all of them raised their hands.
He asked one student.
He answered: Sir, you are 65, married to a 28 years old
woman; this is legal but not logical. Your wife, is having an
affair with a 23 year old boy, this is logical but not legal.
Your wifes boyfriend has failed in his exam & yet you
have given him A, this is neither logical nor legal.
Professor fell unconscious.
***
Legs and name
In a Biology practical exam, the examiner showed the legs
of a bird and said tell me the name of the bird
Student: I dont know
Prof: You have failed. What is your name?
Student: You see my legs and tell me
***
Lesson from beggar
Wife: I hate that beggar.
Husband: Why?
Wife: Rascal, yesterday I gave him food today he gave
me a book on How to Cook!!!
***

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89

Let us save the earth

A boy sees a beautiful girl sitting right next to him and
writes on a paper: I love you, do you love me? He passes
the paper to her.
She replies: No.
He didnt give up. He erased her answer and passed it to
another girl, and she replied: Yes.
Moral of the story
Lets save Earth. Recycle paper.
***
Lie Clocks
A man went to heaven. In heaven he sees large number of
clocks and he asks the angel: What are these for?
Angel: These are lie clocks, every person has a lie clock.
Whenever you lie on earth, clock moves.
Man: Whose clock is this? It is not moved.
Angel: It is Swamy Vivekanandas clock. It never moved
as he never lied.
Man: Where is the clock of our Chief Minister?
Angel: We have put it in our office and using it as a fan.
***
Life after death
A Boss asks his employee: Do you believe that there is
life after death?.
Employee: Certainly not, theres no proof of it.

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Boss: Well, there is.... After you left early yesterday to

go to your cousins funeral, he came here looking for you.
***
Light Dinner
Santa was standing below a tube light with open mouth.
Why?
Because his doctor advised him: Todays dinner should
be light!
***
Lion in the office
Employee: Sir, You are like a lion in the office! What about
at home??
Boss: I am a lion at home too, But Goddess Durga sits on
the lion there!
***
Lipstick for ants
Salesman: Sir, do you want this powder?
Man: For what?
Salesman: For ants!
Man: No. If I give powder today, they will ask lipstick
tomorrow!!
***
Local Hero and a Terrorist
A man in US sees a dog attacking a girl!
He kicks the dog and it dies.
News Reporter: Local hero saves the girl from a dog

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91

Man says, I am not American, I am not local.

Report changed: Foreign hero saves girl from dog.
Man says: Actually I am a Pakistani
Finally
The breaking news:
Terrorist killed innocent dog that was playing with a girl
***
Londa Gironda
Man to a doctor: Mera beta motorcycle se gir gaya
Doctor: I cant understand Hindi. Can you tell in English?
Man: My londa gironda from Hero Honda!!!!
***
Loose Motion
4 Students:
One from HARVARD
One from OXFORD
One from TEXAS
&
Santa Singh of IIN
1 Common Question:What is the fastest thing in the World?
Student of HARVARD: Light
Student of OXFORD: Thought
Student of TEXAS: Blink of an Eye

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SANTA SINGH of IIN:

Loose Motion!
Because
Last night I was lying on my bed and before I could
Blink, Think or Turn on the Light,
It was all Over..
***
Love and marriage
One disciple went to his guru and asked for an explanation
on the difference between love and marriage.
The guru told the disciple: Go to the rose garden and come
back with the tallest rose plant. One condition is that you
should not come back the same path you took while going.
The disciple went to the garden and came back empty
handed. When asked why, the disciple gave his answer:
As I went in, I saw a tall beautiful tree. But I kept going
on for the next tree expecting a better tree. But moving
forward, I came across only smaller plants and since I
cannot trace the path back, I had to return empty handed.
The guru said: This is love.
Then he said: Now go to the sunflower garden and bring
the most beautiful sunflower plant.
Now the additional condition is that once you pluck a
sunflower plant, you cant pluck another.
Now the disciple goes into the garden and comes back
quickly with a plant. The guru asks, is this the most
beautiful plant?

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93

The disciple says: No guru. Based on my previous

experience, I did not want to miss and hence I took the
first plant which looked beautiful to me. On the way back,
I saw more beautiful plants but since I was not allowed
to pick another plant, I came back with the plant I had
originally picked.
The guru smiled and said: This is marriage!!!
***
Low Battery (Caller of the year)
A Young man saved his girlfriends phone number on his
mobile as LOW BATTERY..
Whenever she calls him in his absence, his wife takes the
phone and plugs it to the charger..
The guy was later nominated for Nobel Prize for
Innovation and Peace!
***
Lunch and death
A Gujrati, a Madrasi and a Sardaar were doing construction
work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were having lunch and Gujju opened his lunch box
and said, Dhokla! If I get dhokla one more time for lunch,
Im going to jump off this building.
The Madrasi opened his lunch box and exclaimed, Idli
Sambhar again! If I get Idli sambhar one more time Im
going to jump off too.
The Sardaar opened his lunch and said, Parontha again!
If I get a parontha one more time, Im jumping too.

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The next day, the Gujju opened his lunch box, saw dhokla,
and jumped to his death.
The Madrasi opened his lunch, saw idli sambhar, and
jumped, too.
The Sardaar opened his lunch, saw the parontha and
jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, Gujjus wife was weeping.. She said, If
Id known how really tired he was of dhokla, I never would
have given it to him again!
The Madrasis wife also wept and said, I could have given
him dosa!I didnt realize he hated idli sambhar so much.
Everyone turned and stared at the Sardaars wife.
The Sardaars wife said,
Dont look at me. He makes his own Lunch.
***
M.Tech Graduate
An unemployed B.TECH graduate was looking out for a
suitable job in his stream.
He attended several exams and many personal interviews,
only to be rejected.
Being fed up after so many months of his job hunt, he
decided to get into any job that can satisfy his food and
daily needs.
He visited a circus group and asked for a job. But the
owner said that there wasnt any job for his education
level. Also he said that there is a vacancy to act as a
monkey and perform funny actions. The unemployed youth
accepted the offer since he can at least afford his daily
food.

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95

So he dressed up as a monkey and entertained the

audience. One day while he was performing the monkey
skills, he accidentally fell into the lions ring.
Everyone was shocked as the monkey fell into lions ring.
No one knew that he was a man dressed up as a monkey.
The man himself was dreadful and feared for his life.
He felt pity for himself as he was going to be a victim of
unemployment.
The lion came closer to him but didnt attack. He was
surprised. Then the lion spoke, ghabra mat!! main M.TECH
hoon Salle
***
Machine that catches thieves
Japanese people invented a machine that catches thieves.
They took it to different countries for testing.
In USA in 30 minutes, it caught 20 thieves. In UK in 30
minutes it caught 500 thieves. In Nigeria, it caught 6000
people in 20 minutes. In Uganda, in 7 minutes it caught
20,000 thieves.
It was finally taken to Ghana. A surprise has happened.
In 5 minutes, the machine was stolen.
***
Maintenance Issue
Husband calls up the hotel manager aloud: Please come
fast. I have a big argument with my wife. She says she
will jump from your hotel window.
Manager: Sir, this is your personal issue. I have nothing
to do with it.
Husband: Oh! The window is not opening. It is the
maintenance issue.
***

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Malayalee Doctor
A Malyali doctor cant find a job in a hospital in US so he
opens a clinic and puts a sign outside GET TREATMENT
FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100
A lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100
and goes to the clinic...
Lawyer: I have lost my sense of taste
Malyali: Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put
3 drops in patients mouth
Lawyer: Oh. This is kerosene
Malyali: Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give
me $20
The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover
his money...
Lawyer: I have lost my memory. I cannot remember
anything
Malyali: Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put
3 drops in his mouth
Lawyer (annoyed): This is kerosene. You gave this to me
last time for restoring my taste
Malyali: Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me
$20
The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week
later determined to get back $100.
Lawyer: My eyesight has become very weak I cant see
at all
Malyali: Well, I dont have any medicine for that, so take
this $100"

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97

Lawyer (staring at the note): But this is $20, not $100

Malyali: Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20
You cant beat a Malayali!!
***
Malayalee funeral
Malayali Funeral..... Excellent one...
A family in Kerala was puzzled when the coffin of their
dead mother (Ammachi) arrived from the US. It was sent
by one of the daughters.
The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin,
with no space left in it when they opened the lid; they
found a letter on top addressed to her brothers and
sisters:
Dear Kunjumon, George kutty, Alice and Kunjumol
I am sending Ammachis body to you, since it was her
wishes that she should be cremated in the compound of
our ancestral home in KERALA!
Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave is
consumed.
You will find inside the coffin, under Ammachis body,
cans of cheese, 10 packets of Tobler chocolates and 8
packets of Badam (peanuts) please divide these among
all of you.
On Ammachis feet you will find a new pair of Reebok
shoes (size 10) for George kutty. There are also 2 pairs
of shoes for Anumols and Alices sons. Hope the sizes
are correct.

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Smiling Sinews

Ammachi is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size

is for Kunjumon. Just distribute the rest among
yourselves.
The 2 new Jeans that Ammachi is wearing are for the
boys.
The Swiss watch that Rima wanted is on Ammachis left
wrist. Shanta Ammamma, Ammachi is wearing the
necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please
take them off her...
The 6 white cotton socks that Ammachi is wearing must
be divided among my nephews. Please distribute all these
fairly.
Love Rosy!
PS: If anything more required let me know soon as
Appachen also not feeling too well nowadays...
***
Malayali language
1) What is the tax on a Mallus income called?
IngumDax.
2) Where did the Malayali study?
In the ko-liage.
3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today?
He is very bissi.
4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?
To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in Gelff.
5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff?
To yearn meney.

Smiling Sinews

99

6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire?

He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.
7) How does a Malayali spell moon?
MOON - Yem Woh yet another Woh and Yen.
8) What is Malayali management graduate called?
Yem Bee Yae.
9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to America?
He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin
Curren.
10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office
everyday?
An Oto.
11) Where does he pray?
In a Temble, Charch and a Maask.
12) Who is Bruce Lees best friend?
A Malaya-Lee of coarse.
13) Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis dont
werk hard?
Kerala.
14) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting,
folding and re-tying the lungi.
15) Why did Saddam Hussain attack Kuwait?
He had a Mallu baby-sitter, who always used to say
KEEP QUWAIT KEEP QUWAIT.
16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line?
Frem Tea Shops To Koll Cenders, We Are Yevery
Where.

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17) Why arent Mallus included in hockey and football

teams?
Coz Whenever they get a corner, they set up a tea
shop.
***
Mans brain
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich
bird behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, A hamburger, fries and a coke, and turns
to the ostrich, Whats yours?
Ill have the same, says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order
That will be $9.40 please, and the man reaches into his
pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and
the man says, A hamburger, fries and a coke
The ostrich says, Ill have the same
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact
change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again.
The usual? asks the waitress.
No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked
potato and a salad, says the man.
Same, says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, That will
be $32.62.
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his
pocket and places it on the table.

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101

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer.

Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up
with the exact change in your pocket every time?
Says the man: Well, several years ago I was cleaning the
attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie
appeared and offered me two wishes. The first wish I
asked was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would
just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of
money would always be there.
The waitress said Thats brilliant! Most people would ask
for a million dollars or something, but youll always be as
rich as you want for as long as you live. How smart of
you!
Thats right. Whether its a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce,
the exact amount of money is always there says the man
proudly.
The waitress asks, But, whats that ostrich all about?
The man sighs, pauses and answers with a heavy heart,
My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who
accompanies me wherever I go and agrees with everything
I say.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Mens brains work brilliant until
they start thinking about a woman!!
***
Many Fathers
Pappu byhearted only one essay My Friend for the
examination.
But in exam the essay was My Father.

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But Pappu didnt get much tension.

He thought for a while and planned to write the essay
replacing Friend as Father.
So he wrote it.
I AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON. I HAVE LOTS OF
FATHERS. SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND
SOME ARE FEMALE. MY MOTHER IS VERY CLOSE TO
MANY OF MY FATHERS. MY UNCLE IS ALSO MY
FATHER. MY TRUE FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR. AND
I LOVE ALL MY FATHERS BECAUSE EVERY PERSON
MUST HAVE A FATHER. . .
***
March month Closing of Business
Once a DGM, RM and a BM of a bank came across a genie.
Genie said I will fulfil 3 wishes but you are three persons
and so I will fulfil one wish to each.
BM: Send me to America with a lot of money.
BM disappears as his wish is fulfilled.
RM: Send me too to America with a lot of money and a
girl-friend.
RM disappears as his wish is fulfilled.
Genie to DGM: What is your wish?
DGM: I want these two idiots back to the bank for March
year end closing.
His wish is fulfilled.
***

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103

Marriage Anniversary
I went to wish a happy anniversary to my neighbor and
asked the maid where the couple was.
She said, Woh bahar gaya hain. Un ka marriage
Unnecessary hain.
***
Marriage of the Investment Banker
Investment Banker was getting married.
During wedding, wife vomits.
Husband: What happened?
Wife: Capital gains arising out of previous investment.
Purohit: Mutual Fund investments are subject to risks.
***
Marriage Protocol
Wife: Why in all marriages, the girl is made to sit on the
left side and the boy on the right side?
Hubby: It is simple. According to profit and loss
statement, all income is on the right side and all expenses
are on the left side.
***
Married mans prayer
Dear God, you gave me childhood, you took it away
You gave me youth, you took it away.
You gave me a wife.......... Its been years now,
Just reminding you!
***

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Marrying a Man
Police: Are you married?
Man: Yes, with a woman.
Police <angrily>: Of course! Did you even hear of anyone
marrying a man?
Man: Yes, my sister did....
***
Mathematics question
Mathematics question:
X married Z twice his age, left her & now married Y
who is half his age.
Whats the age of x?
Student wrote: I dont know the answer, but X is surely
SAIF ALI KHAN!
***
MATHS
Teacher: What is the full form of MATHS?
Student- Mentally Affected Teacher Harassing Student...
***
Mechanic and the mirror
Mechanic: Madam car engine mein oil nahin hai aur brake
bhi kam lag rahe hain ....
Mahila: Choti moti problem toh hoti rehti hai
Tum sirf mirror theek Karo!!!
mental hospital
***

Smiling Sinews

105

Mental Hospital
Doctor: (lifting a big book) What is this?
Patient: This is the book I wrote. It is of 500 pages.
Doctor: (surprisingly) You wrote 500 pages? What did
you write?
Patient: In the first page I wrote that a king rode on a
horse and was going towards a jungle. In the last page I
wrote that the king reached the jungle.
Doctor: You idiot! What did you write in the rest of 498
pages?
Patient: tigdik,tigdik, tigdic, tigdik,tigdik, tigdic,
tigdik,tigdik, tigdic, tigdik,tigdik, tigdic, tigdik,tigdik,
tigdic, tigdik,tigdik, tigdic, tigdik,tigdik, tigdic,
tigdik,tigdik, tigdic, tigdik,tigdik, tigdic, tigdik,tigdik,
tigdic..................................................................................................
...........................................................................................................................
............... tigdik,tigdik, tigdic, tigdik,tigdik, tigdic.
Doctor: Who will read it?
Patient: I will put it in WhatsApp and people will surely
read it.
***
Microsoft Excel
Student is in the Computer examination.
Examiner: What is Microsoft Excel?
Student - I think it is a new brand of Surf Excel to clean
the computer.
***

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Missing you
Husband sat in his room throwing darts at his wifes photo
but not even a single one hit the target.
From another room wife asks the husband: What are you
doing?
Husband: MISSING YOU.
***
Mission Impossible
Santa: I am going to watch Mission Impossible tonight.
Banta: On cable or at theater?
Santa: Not the film, my wife bought slim fit jeans & she
is going to try it!!
***
Mobile Bill
Man: How much is my mobile bill?
Call center girl: Sir, just dial 123to know current bill
status.
Man: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.
***
Mobile network
During a heart transplant.
Doctor: Shit.
Nurse: What happened?
Doctor: My mobile network is gone.
Nurse: So?

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107

Doctor: I dont kmow what to do next.

Nurse: Why?
Doctor: I am from IIN.
Nurse fainted.
***
Mobile talking
Police: You can drive while talking. Pay the fine.
Man: No you cannot book me. It is my wife who is talking.
I am just listening.
***
Modis evening walk
Two friends were discussing the news item of Modis
evening walk.
First man: Why Modi goes for walking in the evening and
not in the morning?
Second Man: Brother, Narendra Modi is PM and not AM.
***
Mom and Dad fighting
A cute excuse:
Teacher-Why are you late?
Student-Mom & dad were fighting.
Teacher-So what makes you late if they were fighting?
Student-One shoe was in moms hand and one in dads.
***

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Monkey and a baboon

A monkey and a baboon were seated next to each other
during a service in a church. The pastor was addressing
the crowd: Turn to your neighbor and say you are most
beautiful and adorably created in the image of God.
Monkey looks at the baboon for a moment, then laughs
out loudly and tells the pastor, eish. Tell him yourself,
I dont want to lie in church.
***
Mother and Mother-in-law
God said: I cannot be everywhere and so I created
Mother.
Devil replied: Even I cannot be everywhere and so I
created Mother-in-law.
***
Mother Tongue
Santas son was filling an application form.
Son: Papa, what should I write for mother tongue?
Santa: Write down, very long and uncontrollable.
***
Mughul- Not Google
Aurangazeb: Senapati, bataao hum Shivaji ko kyu Nahi
dhund pa rahe hain??
Senapati: Maharaj, hum Mughal Hain, Google Nahi!!!
***

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109

Munk Nun Maga

A Monk and a Nun married. And they got a son. What
is his name?
Munk Nun Maga. (In Kannada maga means son)
***
My Computer
A Help desk guy speaking to a lady user...
Help desk: Double click on My Computer.
Lady: I cant see your computer...
Help desk: No... Click on My Computer on your computer.
Lady: How the hell can I click on your computer from my
computer?! Help desk: There is an icon labelled My
Computer on your computer... double click on it...
Lady: What the hell is your computer doing on my
computer?
***
Nag Panchami
A couple had a fight whole night
Later next morning, husband offered a glass of milk to
his wife.
Wife You are sorry for fighting with me?
Husband No Today is Nag Panchami.
Le Nagin Pee Le
***
Namma Metro
Public: The metro needs a name!
Tamil Nadu government: why?

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Public: In Karnataka, Bangalore has one: Namma Metro

(In Kannada, Namma Metro means our metro station)
Tamil Nadu government: OK then, lets knock off the N.
***
Newtons fourth law of motion
Teacher: You are harping of the fourth law. Where is the
fourth law of motion?
Student: For every idiot, there is an equal and opposite
idiot. They are called Husband and Wife.
***
Next Generation HR policy
Sick Leave:
We no longer accept a doctors statement as proof of
sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
to come to work.
Casual Leave:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They
are called Saturdays and Sundays.
Dress code:
You are advised to come to work dressed according to
your salary.
If we observe you coming in a posh car, we assume that
you are financially well off and therefore do not require
salary hike.
If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your
money better, so that you may buy nicer cloths, and
therefore do not require salary hike.

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Finally we thank you for being with us as loyal employees.

We are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
allegations and accusations and finally all your suggestions
shall be directed elsewhere- The HR.
***
Next Generation LKG Poem
Chatting chatting
Yes papa
Girlfriend setting?
No papa
Telling lies?
No papa
Open your WhatsApp
Ha ha ha
***
Night Watch Man
The manager of a firm advertised for a night watchman.
All the applicants were present. But the manager was not
satisfied.
He found something wrong with each man.
There was Raju, an applicant. He was sitting in a corner
waiting for his turn of interview. Manager found nothing
wrong in his appearance.

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He questioned about his health. He got the reply that he

was suffering from sleeplessness.
Manager was happy and appointed him.
***
No campaigning after elections
Wife: Before our marriage you took me to so many places
like good restaurants, Cinema, resorts and so many other
places too.
But after marriage you never took me to visit even one
single place.
Husband: My dear wife, have you ever seen campaigning
after election??????
***
No Match
Teacher told all students to write an essay on a cricket
match.
All were busy writing except one Student.
He wrote: Due To Rain, No Match!
***
Nokia Charger
A Girl ran away from home with her boyfriend.
Whole family was depressed when suddenly she came back
after 3 Days.
Dad: just get out! Dont say anything.
Mom: Already you killed us. Now why you came here?
Brother: Why are you irritating us? Just get out.

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113

Everyone just melted listening to her reply.

Girl: I want Nokia charger!
Nokia will give three days battery backupNokia
Advertisement
***
Obesity
Patient: Sir, obesity is running in my family.
Doctor: It is because no one runs in the family.
***
Office Correspondence
A clerk sent a communication to the customer which read
like this:
With reference to the above, please refer to my bottom.
***
Office Phone
Subbarao was very angry as month after month his phone
bill is on the higher side. I cant pay this much bill. Who
is responsible for so many calls? he demanded.
Wife of Subbarao: I am not at all using this house phone.
I am relying on office phone only.
Subbaraos son: I am also using office phone.
Servant maid: I am also using office phone.
***
Old Lady and the Bus Conductor
An old lady always gave the bus conductor cashew nuts,
almonds to eat...

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Conductor: So kind of you that you give me those nuts to

eat...Why dont you eat them yourself?
Old lady: I dont have teeth to munch them...
Conductor: then why did you buy them?
Old lady: I just love the chocolate around them!
***
Old man and his sweet wife
Some one asked an old man: At 70, you still call your wife
darling, sweety, baby, honey, luv etc. What is the secret
of this love?
Old man: I forgot her name long back.. I am scared to
ask her again.
***
Old Monk
The temple Poojari came very close to Gunda & asked:
Got Rum!!?
Gunda replied: Yes, OLD MONK...
The Poojari became angry & Gunda was thrown out of
the temple...
Later Gunda realized that he was asking about his
GOTRAM.
***
Ombay Ombay
A person was travelling in a plane and on landing, he
shouted aloud, Bombay Bombay.
Airhostess said: Be silent.
The person: OK. Ombay, Ombay.
***
OMG

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115

OMG
Girl: What is the price of galaxy grand??
Salesman: Rs.18, 000/Girl: OMG!!!
Girl: and iPhone?? . .
Salesman: OMG + OMG + OMG.
***
Onionaires
New unitary measure is introduced in Indian schools with
immediate effect...
After Million, Billion, Trillion, the fourth larger unit is
Onion
And such rich people are called Onionaires!... (This joke
is circulated when onion prizes steeply went up)
***
Only small babies
One tourist from U.S.A. asked the villager:
Any great man was born in this village???
Villager: No sir, only small Babies!!!
***
Only stich, not embroidery work
A person met with an accident!!
Doctor-you need stitches
Patient-what will be the cost?

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Doctor-RS.8000
Patient Hello, I need only stitches not embroidery work.
***
Orange and Apple
Teacher: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Student: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is
not APPLE.
***
Other work
Teacher: DHRITRASHTRA had 100 sons, Pandu only 5
tell me why.
Sasi: Sir, people who have eyes have other work also..
***
Out of Syllabus
One day I asked my Heart......
What is love?
Heart Replied:
Dekh bhai apna kaam blood supply karna hai...! Syllabus
ke baahar ka mat pucch!
***
Overnight Terrorist
A Pakistani boy took admission in an American school.
Teacher: What is your name?
Boy: Nadir

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117

Teacher: No, now you are in America. Your name is Johnny

from today.
Boy went home and asked his mother: Call me Johnny. I
am an American now.
Parents got offended and beat him up.
Next day he was back to school all bruised.
Teacher: What happened Johnny?
Boy: Six hours after I became an American, I was
attacked by 2 Pakistani terrorists.
***
Owner of the Bar
A British guy walks into a bar in New Jersey and before
he could order his drink, he notices an Indian man wearing
a Gandhi Topi & Dhoti...
Having a personal grudge against Indians, the British guy
says loudly to the American bartender to the advantage
of everyone seated in the bar, Drinks for everyone in
here, except for the Indian over there...
The first round of drinks were served, and the Indian
gives him a smile, gestures to him saying, Thank you! in
a loud voice.
The British guy is upset and again orders loudly to the
American bartender to serve another round of drinks to
everyone except the Indian.
The Indian seems to be unruffled and he continues to
smile, and yells back, Thank you Sir!
The British guy is mad by now and asks the bartender,
Whats wrong with this Indian? Ive insulted him by

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ordering drinks for everyone but him, and yet he smiles

back and keeps thanking me. Has he lost his mind?
No, Sir, replies the bartender. He is Kantibhai..... the
owner of this Bar...
***
Oxygen
The teacher was teaching in a class room.
Teacher: Oxygen is very essential to life. It was
discovered in 1773
Student: Thank God I was born after 1773. Had I been
born earlier, I would have died...
***
Pakistani rivers
Teacher: Ganga, Yamuna, Kaveri, Krishna, Bharat ki nadiyo
ka naam hai tho Pakistan ki nadiyo ka naam batao??
Pappu: Rukhsana, Farzana, Rizwana, Sultana, Shabana
***
Password
Alia Bhatt calls the Help Desk to complain a computer
problem.
Alia - When I type computer password, it just shows star
star star star. Whats the problem?
Help Desk - Dear lady, those stars are to protect you, so
that if a person is standing behind, he cant read your
password.
Alia - Yeah, but stars appear even when there is no one
standing behind me.
***

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119

People consider me as a GOD

Ramlal: People consider me as a GOD
Wife: How do you know??
Ramlal: When I went to the park today, everybody said,
OH GOD! You have come again...
***
Performance
A priest dies & is waiting in line at heavens gate.
Ahead of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, in dark sun
glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.
God to the guy: Who are you?
Guy: I am Thrissur -Kozhikode Bus driver.
God: Take this gold robe & enter kingdom of heaven.
God to the priest: Who are you?
Priest: I am a priest & spent 40yrs preaching good to
people.
God: Take this cotton robe and enter heaven.
Priest: God, how come that foul mouthed, rash driver gets
gold & I spent all my life preaching good get cotton.
God: Results, my son, results.
While you preached, people slept, when he drove, people
really prayed...
Its Performance, not Position that Counts!!
***

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Perfume
On a flight, a guy asked a beautiful lady sitting next to
him...
Nice perfume.....which one is it? I want to gift it to my
wife...!
Lady, dont give her....some idiot will find an excuse to
talk to her.
***
Phone call- It is for me
Phone rings at night.
Husband: If it is for me, then say I am not at home
Wife: He is at home
Husband in anger: What the HELL?
Wife: SHUT UP. IT WAS FOR ME.
***
Pilot and the passengers
Pilot was welcoming the passengers on the plane shortly
after takeoff........
Thank you for flying with us this morning.
The weather is.....
Then suddenly he starts screaming while he is still on the
loud speakers:
Oh my God! OMG! OMG! This is going to hurt....Its burning
A ghostly Silence reigned!
He gets back on the microphone talking to the passengers:

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121

I sincerely apologize for the incident but I just dropped

a very hot cup of coffee on my lap...you should see my
pants from the front
One passenger replies Why dont you come here and see our PANTS FROM
BEHIND!
***
Pizza Boy
In a factory: A man standing on the floor and looking
aimlessly without doing any work......
CEO of that factory came and asked his salary...
Man replied Rs 5000 sir
CEO took out his wallet and gave Rs15000 and told him...
I pay people here to work and not to waste time. This is
your 3 months salary.
Now get out of here. Never come back
That guy left.............
Then CEO asked workers Who was that guy?
Workers replied Pizza delivery Boy Sir...
***
Pizza Hut delivery
Two friends were walking and talking.
First man: Re idiot, why did you take your pregnant wife
to pizza hut instead to hospital?
Second man: There is free delivery in pizza hut.
***

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Police Officers son

A police officer took his son to the police station. He was
curiously at the photos.
The boy: Dad, whose are all these photos?
Father (Police officer): They are of criminals. We have
to trace these idiots.
The boy: Common dad! You could have caught him when
you took the photos of them.
***
Police vengeance on teacher
A lady didnt wear a helmet.......
Police: Stop....!!!!!
Lady: Please...let me go . . . I am a teacher...
Police: Aahaa!!.... I have waited for this moment all my
life....
Now ....WRITE......
Ill always wear a helmet on road,
100 times...
***
Pongal vis--vis Idly
Whats the difference between Pongal and idly?
Ans: You will get a holiday for Pongal but not for idly.
***

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123

Pope shocked and Sardar rocked

English men have one month of festival in which they dont
eat non-veg. Disturbed with the smell of the chicken, the
English Men complained to Pope.
Pope called Sardar and asked him to start following the
Christian religion and practices. Sardar agreed.
Pope sprinkled holy water on Sardar and said: You are
born as Sikh, raised as a Sikh but now you are a Christian.
Next day again chicken smell came from Sardar house.
All English Men visited Sardars house and they saw
Sardar sprinkling water on chicken and he was telling:
You are born as chicken, raised as a chicken but now you
are potato.
Pope shocked and Sardar rocked.
***
Post Box
Teacher asked a student.
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Student replied: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.
***
Prayer before dinner
A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the
food was served, the husband said, the food looks
delicious, lets eat.
Wife: Honey.....you say prayer before eating at home.
Husband: Thats at home sweetheart......here the chef
knows how to cook!!!
***

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Prayer before food

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers
before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I dont have to, my Mom is a good cook.
***
Presence of mind
In a Store a man asked for half kg of butter.
The salesperson, a young boy, said that only one kg packs
were available in the Store, but the man insisted on buying
only half kg.
So the boy went inside to the managers room and said
An idiot outside wants to buy only half kg of butter.
To his surprise, the customer was standing right behind
him.
So the boy added immediately, And this gentleman wants
to buy the other half.
After the customer left, the manager said You have saved
your position by being clever enough at the right time.
Where do you come from?
To this the boy said, I come from Brazil. The place
consists of only prostitutes and football players!
The manager replied coldly, My wife is also from Brazil.
To this the boy asked excitedly, Oh yeah? Which team
does she play for?
***

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125

Prime Minister or Vasco da Gama

PA to Mr. Modi: Sir, which country have you planned to
visit next?
Modi - Ok, tell me which country is left?? I want to visit
all in 5 years
PA - Sir, only our own country is left.
Indian citizens are confused whether they have chosen
a Prime Minister or Vasco da Gama
***
Programmer Husband
Problem about being a programmer.
Wife said, Honey, please go to super market and get 1
bottle of milk. If they have bananas, bring 6.
He came back with 6 bottles of milk.
She said Why the hell did you buy 6 bottles of milk?
He said BECAUSE THEY HAD BANANAS.
He still do not understand why his wife scolded him after
his reply
***
Poor boy and his confession
A lady takes her lover to her house when her husband
went for shopping on one day. Unfortunately she was not
aware that her 7 year old son was playing in the house at
some corner room. She put a bolt from outside to the
corner room and enjoys talking with her lover. The
shopping complex was closed for some reason and her
husband came back and began tapping the gate outside.
She had to hide her lover but where? She opened the
corner room and pushed her lover inside and rushed
towards the gate to receive her husband. The boy, all the

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time was alone. Now he had a company. He began

conversing with his new friend.
Boy: "So dark here na."
Man: "Yes it is so dark."
Boy: "I have a basketball."
Man: "Very nice. Very nice. Where did you get it?"
Boy: I got it from the Mall. Do you want to buy it?"
Man: "No, not at all. I am not a kid to play."
Boy: "But my dad is in the hall. Let us go out. I will ask
his help to sell it for someone". The boy got up and about
to reach the door for opening.
Man: "Oh, for this small issue, why do you disturb him? I
will take it and play it. Tell me how much?"
Boy: "800 rupees."
Man: "OK, done".
A few days went by. Father went outside for some work
and same event repeated again. The man and the boy are
again closeted in the corner room. By this time the man
has become a good friend to the boy.
Boy: "So dark here na."
Man: "Yes it is so dark."
Boy: "I have a basketball glove."
Man: "Very nice. Very nice. Where did you get it?"
Boy: I got it from the Mall. Do you want to buy it?"
Man: "No, not at all. I am not a kid to play."
Boy: "But my dad is in the hall. Let us go out and _ _ _."
Man: "Oh, for this small issue, why do you disturb him?

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127

I will take it and keep the ball in it. Tell me how much?"
Boy: "100 rupees."
Man: "OK, done".
A few days passed by. One day the father called the boy
and wanted to play with the kid. "No papa, I already sold
them for a good price. Now I cannot play".
The father was angry. "I got them for Rs 600. How much
did you sell them for? What is the loss?"
The son says, "Rs 900 pappa. It is Rs 300 profit only"
The father was again angry. "You are quite unethical. The
cost was Rs 600. And you sold for Rs 900. You will attain
sin. Come with me and we will go to the Church. You
confess before the priest for atonement".
They go to church and the father informed the priest
that the boy had committed some sin and pushed the little
boy in to confession booth and closed the door. It was a
bit dark and the boy started confessing.
Boy: "So dark here na."
The priest cried, "Oh, boy. Don't tell the same thing again".
***
Punctuation
An English Professor wrote the words on the board:
A woman without her man is nothing. He asked the
students to punctuate.
All the male students wrote:
A woman, without her man, is nothing.
All the females in the class wrote:
A woman: without her, man is nothing.
***

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Queens donkey and the media

A King enrolled his donkey in a race & won.
Local paper read:
KINGs ASS WON
The king was so upset with this kind of publicity that he
gave the donkey to the queen.
The local paper then read:
QUEEN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN
The king fainted....
Queen sold the donkey to a farmer for 10$.
Next day paper read: QUEEN SELLS HER ASS FOR $10
The queen fainted...
The next day king ordered the queen to buy back the
donkey and leave it in jungle.
The Next Headlines:
QUEEN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS FREE & WILD
The king died...!!
***
Question paper Leak
A principal of an elementary school asked a plumber to
come to his college.
You know why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is
leaking
***

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129

Rakhi and Mangalyam

Girl: Yesterday I had brought Rakhi for you. Why did you
not allow me to tie?
Boy: Oh! This is too silly. Tomorrow I will bring mangalyam.
Will you get it tied?
***
Ramayana class
Teacher: The squirrel got its 3 stripes because Rama
affectionately ran his fingers on its back.
Naughty student: Dont bluff sir, if that is the case then
Sita should look like a zebra!!!
***
Rape and Robbery
A lawyer was arguing a case in Supreme Court.
If physical relation with wife, without her consent, is
termed as rape, then....... Shopping without husbands
consent should be termed as Robbery.....
***
Rasam or Sambar
Wife: Shall I prepare Sambar or Rasam today?
Husband: First make it, we will name it later.
***
Ready for marriage
Boy: Daddy I want to marry...
Dad: First say sorry...

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Boy: For what, without any of my mistake?

Dad: You first say sorry...
Boy: But whats my fault?
Dad: You first say sorry...
Boy: Ok, I am sorry
Dad: Now you are ready, your training is complete. You
can marry!!!
***
Real Freedom
A woman awakes and finds her husband not on the bed.
She goes down the stairs and finds him in a corner with
tears coming out of his eyes.
Wife: Wiping out his tears, What is the matter dear?
Husband: Honey, I am just remembering when we first
met 20 years back and started dating. Do you remember
them? He pauses.. Do you remember your father caught
us in a car?
Wife: How nice of you dear! You still remember those
sweet memories.
Husband: Ya. He also said, either you marry her
immediately or I shall send you to jail for 20 years.
Wife (in a soft tone): I remember that too. She wiped
one more tear from his eyes.
Husband (in a hushed voice): Had I done the first thing,
I would have been released from the jail by today.
***

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131

Real Tension
Wife and husband went for court for a divorse.
Judge: You have three kids. How will you propose to
divide them between both of you?
Wife and husband had a long discussion and they came
out with a solution. OK sir, we will come in the next year
with one more kid.
9 months later, they had twins.
***
Register Marriage in Post Office
Santa was shouting to his girlfriend, You said we will do
register marriage and now cheated me. I was waiting for
you yesterday whole day in the post office...!!!
***
Rocking generation
Kid failed in the examination. Father got very angry.
Father: From today dont call me papa.
Son: Oh come on dad, it was just a school test. Not a
DNA test.
***
Romantic Monsoons
Married man: Dear Monsoon,
Please dont be so romantic.
We do not have girlfriends who will wear chiffon sarees
and dance in the rains.

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We only have wives who will make us run out to the terrace
and bring in clothes hung out for drying...
-all married men.
Married woman: Dear monsoon...
Please dont be so romantic.
We do not have cool boyfriends who will take us on a
romantic ride.
We already have husbands who will ask us to go in the
kitchen and prepare chai and Pakode.
-all married wives.
***
Romeo Boss dies
Romeo Boss dies:
His PA calls heaven to find out if hes reached.
A lady picks up phone.
Hello, this is Virgin Mary speaking.
PA disconnects & calls again after 1 hour..
Hello, this is Mary speaking.
PA (smiles): Thank God, Boss has REACHED!
***
RTI enquiry
A man posted two questions for the lawmakers of our
country:
1. If the legal age of a man to get sexually active is 18
years and the legal age for him to get married is 21,

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133

then what are we actually suggesting he should do

these 3 years?
2. Now if the legal age for a man to get married is 21
years and the legal age for him to start drinking is 25
years, then how do you suggest he survives the first
4 years of marriage???
Any information will be appreciated.
***
Salesman of Vacuum Cleaner
A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked at the door.
A lady opened it. Before she could speak... The salesman
rushed into the living room and emptied a bag of cow dung
on the carpet.
Salesman: - Madam, if I couldnt clean this up in the next
3 minutes with my new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will
EAT all this!!
Lady: Do you need Chili Sauce with that?
Salesman: - Why Madam?
Lady: - Because theres no electricity in the house...!!!
***
Sardar bhai Rocks
A Pakistani drinks his Beer and suddenly throws his Glass
in the Air, pulls out a Gun and Shoots the glass to pieces.
He says In Pakistan, the Glasses are so cheap that we
dont need to Drink from the same one twice.
A Bangladeshi [obviously impressed by this] drinks his
Beer, throws his Glass into the Air, pulls out his Gun and

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shoots the glass to pieces. He says In Bangladesh, we

have so much Sand to make the glasses that we dont need
to drink out of the same glasses twice either.
A Sardarji, Cool as a Cucumber, picks up his Beer and
drinks it, throws his Glass into the Air, pulls out his Gun
and Shoots the Pakistani and Bangladeshi.
He says In India we have so many Pakistanis and
Bangladeshis that we dont need to drink with the same
People twice.
Sardar bhai Rocks.
***
Sauchalay
Rahul Gandhi kehte hai Congress koi party nahi, ek Soch
hai
aur
Vidya Balan kehti hai Jahan Soch hai, wahan Shouchalay
hai
Bahut confusion hai bhai!!
***
Savitri
Wife: Savitri fought with Yamaraj and brought her
husbands life back. What is the moral of the story?
Husband: No one can save you from your wife- not even
Yamaraj.
***
Scolding from wife
Husband came home drunk. To avoid wifes scolding, he
took a laptop & started working.

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135

Wife: Did you drink?

Husband: No, never.
Wife: Idiot, then why are you typing on suitcase?
***
Scooter Riding
Three villagers and a scooter
Three villagers were riding on a scooter. Traffic
Policeman showed them his hand.
One of the villagers told him: We are already three, sorry,
there is no space to give you a lift.
***
Scrap dealer
Wife - Im already 58, yet, one of your friends still praises
and finds me attractive.
Husband - Must be that Usman bhai!
Wife - Exactly! How did you know??
Husband - Hes a scrap dealer.
***
Second Sight
Girl: I fell in love with him at second sight.
Friend: Never heard of love at second sight.
Girl: At first sight he was crossing the road and on the
second sight, he got in to his Audi A6.
***

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Self-control
People drink & smoke for few days & get addicted to it....!
Im studying since nursery
But still not addicted to studying!
This is called Self-control
***
Sexy secretary and Rascal Boss
Sexy secretary comes angrily out of Bosss cabin..
Staff asked:
What happened?
Secretary: He asked me are you free tonight?
I said yes!
Rascal gave me 60 pages to type!!!
***
Shocking Introduction at a party
One man to another..
Meet my wife Tanya..
Second one: Ya, I know her.
First one: How..?
Second one: We were caught many a times sleeping
together.
First one: What??? What the hell you are talking..??
Second one: During lectures in science & history classes.
We were classmates.
***

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Side effects
In a mental hospital:
Doctor: Why are you cutting the edges of the tablets?
Patient: I want to avoid side effects, doctor.
***
Signboard at Pathology Clinic
Signboard outside a Pathology Clinic
For you it may be your Urine & Potty...
but
for us, it is our Dal & Roti...!!!
***
Sixth Sense
Sixth Sense
Blind man in a Hotel...
Manager: Menu Sir???
Man - Im blind, just bring me your kitchen spoon, Ill smell
it & order.
Manager got a spoon. Blind man smelt & said Yes, Ill have
garlic bread with season potatoes...
Unbelievable said the manager...
Every week he came & was correct each time.
Once manager wanted to trick him, He went to the kitchen
and told his wife Maria: Rub this spoon on your lips.
She rubs it on her lips and gives it to her hubby...

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Blind man smelt & said, OH! My God......!!!

My classmate Maria also works here!!
Manager fainted!!!
***
Skeleton
Interviewer: What is a skeleton?
Man: Sir, skeleton is a person who started dieting, but
forgot to stop it!!
***
Sleeping in the class
Teacher with class leader: Why did you not tell me when
Radha was sleeping in the class room yesterday?
Class leader: Sorry sir, you were also sleeping at that
time.
***
Small get together
Son: Dad, there is a small get together at college
tomorrow.
Father: Small get together? How small it is?
Son: Me.. You. and the principal.
***
Smart Woman
Man on phone: Honey Ive been asked to go fishing in China
with my boss for a week. This is a good opportunity for
me to get the promotion. So could you please pack enough
clothes for a week, set out my rod & fishing box? Were

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139

leaving from office & Ill swing by the house to pick my

things. Oh, please pack my new blue silk pajamas.
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being a good
wife she did exactly as her husband said...
The following Weekend he came home a little tired but
looking good..
The wife welcomed him & asked if he caught many fish?
He said Yes, Lots of Salmon, Blue gill & a few Swordfish. But why didnt you pack my blue silk pajamas?
Youll love the answer..!!
She says, I did... Theyre in your fishing box.
Game over
***
Sone ki chain
Wife: Sone ki chain kab doge?
Husband: Chain se sone kab dogi?
***
Spelling mistake
One spelling mistake in hurry can make hell.
Husband wrote a romantic message to his wife on his
official trip and he missed one alphabet e in the last word.
Now he is seeking police protection to enter his own house.
He wrote, Hi,darling, I am experiencing the best time of
my life and I wish you were her!!
***

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Step Mother
One evening a man spotted the most beautiful woman he
had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away...
He said: I may look like just an ordinary man, but in just
a few months, my father will die and Ill inherit $200
MILLION...
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card......
And
Three weeks later, she became his STEPMOTHER...
***
Stitching the trouser
Dad gets upset when he sees his son busy stitching a
button to the trouser.
He says.....!!
Son I got you married, you have a wife for such things,
I cant believe that you still have to stitch a button to
your own pant.
Son replies!!
No dad its her pant.....
***
Stop Imagination
Interviewer: Just imagine you are on the3rd floor, it
caught fire and how will you escape?
Student: It is simple. I will stop my imagination!!!
***

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141

Stories from father

Son: Mom, I am not feeling sleepy. Can you tell me a story?
Mom: Dear, even I am not feeling sleepy. Your father has
not yet come. When he comes we will ask him why he is
late. Then see how many stories he will tell.
***
Story of Meena
My name is Meena. I was sitting in the waiting room for
my first appointment with a new dentist.
I noticed his BDS degree on the wall, which bore his full
name.
Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired
boy with the same name had been in my high school class
some 35-odd years ago.
Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on,
way back then?
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such
thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply
lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had
attended AAS School.
Yes. Yes, I did. he gleamed with pride.
When did you pass out? I asked.
He answered, In 1979. Why do you ask?
You were in my class!!!! I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely.

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Then,
that ugly,
old,
bald,
wrinkled faced,
gray-haired,
decrepit,
son-of-a-bitch,
asked,
What did you teach?
***
Student got zero marks
A student, who got zero marks, was surprised because
all his answers were seemingly correct!
Q1. In which battle Tipu Sultan die?
Ans: In his last battle.
Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
Ans: At the bottom of the page.
Q3. What is the main reason for divorse?
Ans: Marriage.
Q4. In which State the Ganga flows?
Ans: In liquid state.
Q5. When was Gandhi born?
Ans: On his birth day.

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143

Q6. How will you distribute 5 mangoes for 6 people?

Ans: By making milk shake.
Q7. Where do maximum ice fall noticed in India?
Awesome reply by student In Whisky Glass.
Q 8. Why second marriage is not permitted in Hindu Law?
Ans: Indian Constitution- Art 20(2) says, no man can be
punished twice for same offence.
***
Subsidized rice scheme
Governments Subsidized Rice Scheme getting popular:
Buy 30 kg rice for Rs 30
Sell 1 kg for Rs 30 in the market.
Buy a quarter rum and enjoy
Repeat previous two steps for another 29 days
After 30 days sell the empty bottles for Rs 30 (at Re.1
per bottle)
Buy 30 kg of rice with the money and repeat the cycle.
***
Sugar Test
Patient enters the kitchen; opens the sugar box; and looks
inside and closes it. This he does again and again.
Why? Because the doctor told him to check sugar level
regularly!
***

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Sun or Moon?
Teacher: What came first- Sun or Moon???
Boy: Obviously it is the Moon.
Teacher: How?
Boy: Madam ji! Honeymoon hoga tabhi tho Son ayega na!
***
Sun and Bun
Difference between Sun and Bun
Sun rises in the east and sets in the west
Bun rises in yeast and sets in the waist.
***
Sundar Nahi hain
Boy on Bus Stop: Achhi Lipstick hai!
GIRL: Thank you.
BOY: Beautiful Dress!
GIRL: Thank you.
BOY: Nice Jewelry!
GIRL: Thanx bhaiya!!!!
BOY: Kamaal hai, phir bhi Sundar nahi lag rahi ho!
***
Superb Family Introduction
A man is introducing his family.
This is my wife, Google Rani. If you ask one question, she
would give many relevant and irrelevant answers.

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145

This is our son, Face Book Kumar. He makes sure that our
personal matters reach the whole colony.
This is our daughter, Twitter Kumari. The whole colony
follows her.
This is my WhatsApp mother. She buzzes all the day
commenting on everything.
I am Orkut Ravi.. I have become irrelevant!!!
***
Sweet night
A man with his colleague: The night is pleasant and sweet.
Honey, can we go out for some fun?
Woman colleague: Oh, dear! I am diabetic and I dont like
sweets.
***
Tajmahal
Wife: Will you build me a Taj Mahal for me?
Husband: I have already purchased the land. The delay is
from your side only.
***
Talking in dream
Husband: mujhe neend nahi aa rahi hai!
Wife: jao jaakar bartan saaf kar do
Husband: neend me bol raha hun pagli.
***

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Tamasoma Jyotirgamaya
Teacher: Say any prayer.
Santa: tu so ja maa,
Mai jyoti ke ghar jakar aaya
Teacher: Idiot, it is Tamasoma Jyotirgamaya
***
Tatti Vendi
Mallu was boarding a plane. Airhostess was smiling at him.
Mallu: Tatti Vendi
Airhostess (Shocked): What?
Mallu: Tatti Vendi!!!
Airhostess called steward.
Mallu: Tatti Vendi!!!
Steward:What?
Mallu thrusts his boarding pass below the stewards nose.
Steward looked at it and was all in laughter. He composed
himself and said:Sir, 31 D is in the center. This way please.
***
Tea from Toilet Commode
There was a family with one kid, aged four.
One day the Mom was out and Dad was in charge of the
kid.
Someone had given the kid a little tea set as a birthday
gift and it was one of his favorite toys.

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147

Daddy was in the living room when the kid brought daddy
a little cup of tea, which was just water.
After several cups of tea and lots of praise from his dad
for such yummy tea, kids mom came home.
Dad made her wait in the living room to watch the kid
bring him a cup of tea, because it was just the cutest
thing!!
Mom waited, and sure enough, the kid comes down the
hall with a cup of tea for daddy and she watches him drink
it up,
Then she says to him,
Did it ever come to your mind that the only place that
baby can reach to get water is the toilet commode?
***
Teacher
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps
on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher!!!
***
Teachers letter to parent
A letter from a teacher to a parent:
Dear Parent,
Kumar doesnt smell nice in class. Please try to bathe him.
Parents answer:
Dear Teacher, Kumar is not a rose, Dont smell him, Teach
him.
***

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Tenth Standard Fail

Father: I have 4 sons
First one - PhD
Second one - MBA
Third- Engineer
Fourth- 10th Standard fail.
Neighbor: Why dont you throw your 4th son out of the
house?
Father: He is the only one EARNING in the house, rest
are jobless!!!
***
That is Mirror
A person at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking
thing is what you call modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!
***
That was the deal
A man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for their
anniversary and wife didnt speak to him for 6 months.
Was the necklace FAKE?
Nooooo! That was the deal:
***
The floor is still wet
A police officer called the police station on his radio.
I have an interesting case here. An old lady shot her
husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.

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149

Have you arrested the woman?

Not yet. The floors still wet.
***
The Girl is deaf
Man: I think that girl is deaf..
Friend: How do you know?
Man: I told I love her, but she said her chappals are new.
***
The Great Wall of China
Teacher: Why does the Great Wall of China features
in the Seven Wonders of the World?
Pappu: Because it is the first and only Chinese product
which lasted for so long.
***
This is my father speaking
Little Sam (on phone): My son is having high fever and he
wont be able to come to school today.
Teacher: Who is this?
Little Sam: This is my father speaking.
***
This is not your pudding
Raja and Ramya are in a star hotel.
Ramya: Why are you gulping the food like that? Every
day you used to pray before eating it.
Raja: Of course! But today it is not your pudding.
***

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This KISS is different!

At a dinner party, the guest of honor was about to deliver
his speech when his wife, sitting at the other end of the
table, sent him a piece of paper with the word KISS
scribbled on it.
A guest seated next to the speaker said, So your wife
has sent you a kiss for good luck. She must love you very
much.
The speaker replied, You dont know my wife. The letters
stand for Keep It Short, Stupid.
***
Three magical words
Wife (after a fight)...
Tell me those 3 magical words...
Husband: I love you!
Wife: No- not this
Husband: I like you!
Wife: Again No- not these 3 words
Husband: I miss you!
Wife: Getting more angry....No- no
Husband - Galti meri thi! (I committed mistake)
Wife: YES
***
Three Meals a Day
Doctor to female patient:U r looking so weak & exhausted... R u taking 3 meals a
day as I had advised u?

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151

Female patient:uski ......

Where is Your compounder who typed 3 Males a day.!
***
Three men at a Bar
Three men were at a bar discussing coincidence.
First man: My wife was reading Tale of two cities and
she gave birth to twins.
Second man: My wife was reading The three musketeers
and she gave birth to triplets
Third man shouted, I must go home immediately
Others: What happened?
Third Man: My wife was reading Alibaba and the forty
thieves.
***
Three steps to organize Family Meeting
How to call an urgent Family Meeting in 3 easy steps?
1. Go to the Wi Fi router
2. Turn it off
3. Wait in that Room!
***
Tie the Pakistani to my back
A Sardar, a German and a Pakistani in Saudi Arabia got
caught consuming alcohol which is a severe offense in that

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country. For the terrible crime they are all sentenced to

20 lashes each of the whip.
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik
announced: Its my first wifes birthday today and she
has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your
whipping.
The German was first in line, he thought for a while and
then said: Please tie a pillow to my back. This was done,
but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had to
be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.
The Pakistani was next up. After watching the German in
horror he said smugly: Please fix two pillows to my back.
But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the
Pakistani was also led away whimpering loudly.
The Sardar was the last one up but before he could say
anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: You are from
a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is
one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two
wishes!
Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness,
Sardar replied. In recognition and appreciation of your
kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but
100 lashes.
Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful
man, you are also very brave. the Sheik said with an
admiring look on his face.
If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And what
is your second wish? the Sheik asked.
Sardar smiled and said, Tie the Pakistani to my back!!!
***

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153

Tips to good health

Doctor: Do exercise for good health.
Man: I play football and cricket daily
Doctor: How long do you play?
Man: Until the battery in my mobile goes down.
***
Tirupati
The four stages of medical treatment in India...
Allopathy
Homeopathy
Sympathy
Tirupati
(Contribution by Prithvi Gowda)

***
Today is final game
Ramlal: Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ramlal: Can I take it tomorrow, tonight is the final game.
***
Tongue Twister
A tongue twister......??
Nine Pipe Pour Bun Pipe Pour Pipe Bun Pipe Pour.
It is not a tongue twister.
It is Lalu Prasad Yadav giving out his mobile number 95415
45154! In English
***

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Touching Love Story

Wife: What will you do if I die? Will you marry again?
Husband: No, how can I think of marrying?
Wife: Why not. You need company. You should marry for
my sake.
Husband: Ok. I will marry just for you.
Wife: Will you sleep with her in our bed room?
Husband: No. How can I? I will just let her live in the house.
Wife: Will you let her drive my car?
Husband: No, it is yours. I will keep it as our memory.
Wife: Will you give her my jewellery?
Husband: No, how can I? It is also for our memory.
Wife: Will you at least give her my shoes, dear?
Husband: No, never. Her size is 7 and yours is 5.
Wife goes in to silence.
Husband: Shitt
***
Twin sisters
A question is asked in a talent test: If you are married
to one of the twin sisters, how would you recognize your
WIFE?
The best answer: Why the hell should I recognize?
***

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155

Two Great Kings

Can you tell the name of two great kings who have brought
happiness and peace in to peoples lives? Teacher asked.
Student: Smo-KING and Drin-KING.
***
Ultimate bargain
A Gujju calls a Dentist to inquire about the cost for tooth
extraction.
Dentist: Rs 850 sir.
Gujju: Rs 850..!!! Too much..!! Dont you have anything
cheaper?
Dentist: Thats the normal charge, sir.
Gujju: What if you dont use any anesthetic?
Dentist: Thats unusual, sir, but can be done and will cut
the cost by Rs 400.
Gujju: Ok. And what if you deploy one of your traineedentists to do the extraction, without anesthetic?
Dentist: Well, I cannot guarantee professionalism and it
also would be painful. But the price could drop down to
Rs 150.
Gujju: Hmm. What if you make it like a training-session,
like one of your students does the extraction, while the
other students watch and learn?
Dentist: Itll be good for the students but quite traumatic
for the patient... And I can pay you Rs 200 for it.
Gujju: Now youre talking..!! Ok, its a deal. Can I confirm
an appointment for my mother-in-law for tomorrow at
10AM then?
***

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Unbelievable Exchange Offer

Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!
Other friend: Wow!!! Thats an unbelievable exchange
offer!!!
***
Vivekananda and his professor
When Swami Vivekanand was studying law at the
University College, London, a white professor, whose last
name was Peters, disliked him intensely.
One day, Mr. Peters was having lunch at the dining room,
Vivekananda came along with his tray and sat next to the
professor.
The professor said, Mr Vivekanand, you do not
understand. A pig and a bird do not sit together to eat.
Vivekanandji looked at him as a parent would a rude child
and calmly replied, You do not worry professor. Ill fly
away, and he went and sat at another table.
Mr. Peters, reddened with rage, decided to take revenge.
The next day in Class he posed the following question:
Mr.Vivekanand, if you were walking down the street and
found a package, and within was a bag of wisdom and
another bag with money, which one would you take?
Without hesitating, Vivekanandji responded, The one
with the money, of course.
Mr. Peters, smiling sarcastically said, I, in your place,
would have taken the wisdom.
Swami Vivekanand shrugged and responded, Each one
takes what he doesnt have.

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157

Mr. Peters, by this time was fit to be tied. So great was

his anger that he wrote on Swami Vivekanands exam sheet
the word idiot and gave it to Swami Vivekanand.
Vivekanandji took the exam sheet and sat down at his
desk trying very hard to remain calm while he
contemplated his next move.
A few minutes later, Swami Vivekanand got up, went to
the professor and told him in a dignified polite tone, Mr.
Peters, you signed the sheet, but you did not give me the
grade.
***
Wage Revision
BOSS in office: Okay guys, today we are going to play a
game.....
When I say a name of the fruit, you run to the right side
of the hall....
And when I say any color, you run to the left side of the
hall....
One who runs on wrong side will not get the Wage
Revision...got it?
Employees: Yes Boss, Got it.
Boss: Okay...Ready, Set...
........
........ ORANGE!
***
Weapons and the Girl Friend
Wife to Hubby:
Darling. .. In pictures of Shiva-Parvathi,.... Shiva has a
Trishool ....

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In Vishnu-Lakshmi: Theres Sudarshan chakra .....

In Ram-Sita: Bow & arrows....
....but in Krishna-Radha picure, Krishna holds a flute.... Why?
Hubby: Its simple honey...
The three gods you mentioned first are with their wives.....
Thats why they have weapons..
Krishna is with his girlfriend...
So no weapons!
***
Wedding album
When trouble starts in your life your relatives and
friends will stand behind you!
If you do not believe this, see your wedding album!!!
***
Weight reduction
PT Teacher: What do we learn from cow, buffaloes, and
elephants?
Student: It is just impossible to reduce weight by eating
green grass, salads & walking.
***
Welding and wedding
What is the difference between welding and wedding?
In welding there are sparks first and bonding forever,
whereas in wedding there is bonding first and sparks
forever.
***

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159

What is great about Bangalore?

If you throw a stone randomly in Bangalore, chances are,
it will invariably hit a stray dog or a software engineer.
While the dog may or may not have a strap, the software
engineer will definitely have one on his neck.
Bangalore. Where PG (Paying Guest) is the first business
and IT, the second.
Bangalore is the only place where distance is measured
in units of time.
***
What is he studying?
Ramlal: I am Proud, because my son is in Medical College
.
Friend: Really, what is he studying?
Ramlal: No, he is not studying, they are studying him.
***
What is Love?
What is Love and explain in details?
(20 marks)
Answer by Commerce Student: Love is life.
(Marks: 5 out of 20)
Answer by Law Student: Love is pain.
(Marks: 5 out of 20)
Answer by Arts Student: Love Khuda hai.
(Marks: 5 out of 20)

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Science Student writes:

Definition:
A serious disorder of heart due to relationship between
men & women that can cause death of one or both
depending on the resistance associated
- TYPES:
1 sided & 2 sided
- AGE:
Usually occurs in teenagers but nowadays can be found
in any age
- SYMPTOMS:
Tension
Daydreaming
Insomnia
Phone Addiction
- DIAGNOSIS BY:
Diary
Photos
Mobile
- TREATMENT:
Anti - LOVE therapy by Fathers Shoe or Mothers Sandal.
(Marks 20 out of 20)
Excellent!!
***

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161

WhatsApp Karma
The Karma of Forwarding WhatsApp messages:
Bhagvad Gita Adhyay 19
Arjun: Hey Vasudeva, how can I do the most heinous and
unpardonable act of forwarding WhatsApp that I receive,
to my friends, relatives and revered elders?
Krishna: Paarth, at this moment, none of them is your
friend or foe, relative or in-law, young or old and good or
evil. You have no escape from following your Net-Dharma.
Make haste to log on and send off the WhatsApp to one
and all. That is the only Karma expected of you and Dharma
you must follow.
Arjun: Hey Murari! Do not implore me to do something
that pricks my conscience and stirs my soul.
Krishna: O Kunti-Putra, you are caught in the vicious circle
of Maya. In this material world, you are committed to no
one except to yourself, your Dharma and your mouse,
emails have existed for the last 25 years and will remain
long after you are gone. Now you have WhatsApp. Rise
above the Maya and perform your bounden duty.
Arjun: Lord Krishna, pray and enlighten me on how
WhatsApp is related to Maya.
Krishna: Vatsa, WhatsApp is the 7th element in the
universe Aap, Vaayu, Jal, Agni, Aakaash, email and
WhatsApp. It is at the same time animate and inanimate,
living and dead beat. It overloads the system and fills up
the hard disk. But it serves one great purpose. It leads
people to believe that they are filling their time in an
intellectual pursuit by reading and re-forwarding
messages. It gives them a sense of achievement without
investing their intellect and efforts. Like the Atman that

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leaves ones physical body and moves on to another, the

WhatsApp moves from system to system and never gets
deleted or dies.
Arjun: Great Giridhaari, kindly tell me what the true
attributes of WhatsApp are.
Krishna: Neither fire can burn it, nor air can evaporate
it. Neither can it be conquered nor can it be defeated.
WhatsApp is omnipresent and immortal like your noble
and eternal soul. Unlike an arrow shot from your bow,
many a time the WhatsApp forwarded by you, will even
return to you safely after some months or even years,
allowing you to re-re-forward it to the same people.
Arjun: Great Saarathi, my salutations to you. You have
opened my eyes to the cult of WhatsApp. I was lost in
the Maya and have been reading all the WhatsApp that
I keep receiving and doing no other Karma. Now on, I will
just press the Forward button without reading any of
it and send it to all and sundry, friends and foes, relatives
and in-laws, young and old. That will surely bring them to
their knees in this epochal battle of Good against Evil, in
the Kurukshetra.
Krishna: Arjuna, victory or defeat is not in your hands.
Do not ponder over the fruits of your labor. Just keep
forwarding WhatsApp and make one and all go bananas
reading it and you will have done your supreme duty.
Tathastu
***
When opportunity knocks, use it
Man with Gun goes to bank & demands money..
Once he is given money, he turns to a customer & asks,
Did you see me rob bank?

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163

Man: Yes, I did.

Robber shoots him in the head.
He turns to a couple & asks d man Did you see me rob d
bank?
Man said No sir, but my wife did
When Opportunity knocks, USE IT!
***
Where were you yesterday?
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning
and was always late for work.
His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he
didnt do something about it.
So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told
him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and
in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely
breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.
Boss, he said, The pill actually worked!
Thats all fine said the boss, But where were you
yesterday?
***
Which end of the Scale?
Son: Dad, I got punished in school today.
Dad: Why?
Son: My teacher pointed the scale towards me saying..
At the end of the scale there is an idiot. I just asked,
Which end?
***

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Which is more important?

Teacher: Tell me which is more important for human lifeSun or Moon?
Boy: It is moon.
Teacher: How can you say like that?
Boy: Sir, Moon is more important than Sun, because it
gives light at night when light is needed & Sun gives light
during the day when light is not needed!!!
***
Which year?
Interviewer: what is your birth date?
Man: 13th October
Which year?
Man: Oye ullu ke pathe___ EVERY YEAR.
***
Who are the best patients to operate on?
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients
to operate on. The first surgeon says, I like to see
accountants on my operating table, because when you
open them up, everything inside is numbered.
The second responds, Yeah, but you should try
electricians! Everything inside them is color-coded.
The third surgeon says, No, I really think file clerks are
the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.
The fourth surgeon chimes in: You know! I like
construction workers. Those guys always understand

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165

when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when
the job takes longer than you said it would.
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed:
Youre all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate
on. There are no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head
and tail are interchangeable.
***
Who discovered America?
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
***
Who is giving the lecture?
A drunkard is stopped by the Police around 1 am. & he is
asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replied: I am going to attend a lecture on alcohol
abuse & ill effects on my health.
Officer: Really....??? Sounds interesting, who is giving that
lecture at this time of night...?
Man replied: My Wife!!!
***
Who is Jayanthi?
Lecturer: Write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
Student writes, Gandhi was a great man, but I dont know
who is Jayanthi.
***

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Who sends message from my wifes mobile?

In a Married ladies MEETING:
The host asked a question! When did you last say I LOVE
YOU to your husband? One said- Today.. Other said... 2
days back ..Someone said...1 week back...
Host said
Now, all of you send I LOVE YOU ..message to your
husbands.
Whoever gets AWESOME reply will get a SURPRISE
GIFT... Everyone sent I LOVE YOU message to their
husbands. After sometime, HUSBANDS replies are as
below.....
1) SWEETY, is your health condition ok, right?
2) Havent you cooked today too?
3) Darling, are you out of balance for money given for
home maintenance?
4) What the matter??
5) Are you dreaming or am I?
6) Did you like someones Jewelry in the function you
attended today?
7) I am already tensed in Office and now you are sending
messages like this... do you have brain??
8) How many times did I tell you not to watch those
serials??
10) Should I pick kids from school today also??
And the last one who won SURPRISE GIFT, and the
message is........
11) Who is this sending message from my wifes mobile?
***

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167

Who spoiled whom?

Argument between a Britisher and an Indian.
Britisher: We spoiled your motherland for 200 years. Ha,
ha, ha.
Indian: Ha, ha, ha. We are spoiling your mother tongue
daily.
***
Who will whistle?
Army officers wife to Gorkha Sahayak:Mai rest karne ja rahi hoon. Gas pe cooker chadhaya
hai.....Teen seeti sunte hi gas band kar dena.
Sahayak:- Jee Memsahib.
Madam had just started to relax when Sahayak knocks.....
Officers Wife:- Kya hai?
Gorkha:- Seeti aap bajayenge ya Sahib??
***
Why are all running?
Ramlal: Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ramlal: If only the winner will get the cup, then why are
the others running?
***
Why is Santa Claus always a man?
Because...
No woman will wear the same dress year after year for
same occasion
***

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Why do couples fight?

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping
channels.
She asked, Whats on TV?
I said, Dust.
And then the fight started....
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our
upcoming anniversary.
She said, I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100
in about 3 seconds.
I bought her a weighing scale.
And then the fight started....
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I
take her someplace expensive.
So, I took her to a petrol pump
And then the fight started....
My wife is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror. She
was not happy with what she saw and said to me, I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to give
me a compliment.
I replied, Your eyesights perfect.
And then the fight started....
I asked my wife, Where do you want to go for our
anniversary?
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet
appreciation.

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169

Somewhere Ive not been in a long time.

So I took her to the kitchen.
And then the fight started....
***
Why we are here?
Patient: I often feel like committing suicide, doctor.
Doctor: No. No. You shouldnt think like that. Then why
are we here for?
***
Why Malayalees do well in any field?
Why Malayalees do well in any field..
Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new
Chairman for Microsoft Asia.
5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate
was Mr. Nair
Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know
JAVA may leave.
2000 people leave the room.
Mr. Nair says to himself, I do not know JAVA but I have
nothing to lose if I stay. Ill give it a try
Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience of
managing more than 100 people may leave.
2000 people leave the room.
Mr. Nair says to himself I never managed anybody by
myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can
happen to me? So he stays.

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Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management

diplomas may leave.
500 people leave the room.
Mr. Nair says to himself, I left school at 15 but what
have I got to lose? So he stays in the room...
Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak
Japanese to leave.
498 people leave the room.
Mr. Nair says to himself, I do not speak one word of
Japanese but what do I have to lose?
So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate.
Everyone else has gone.
Bill Gates joined them and said Apparently you are the
only two candidates who speak Japanese, so Id now like
to hear you have a conversation together in that language.
Calmly, Mr. Nair turns to the other candidate and says
Naatil evda?
The other candidate answers, Palakkad!
***
Wife and Life
One million books were sold in just two days due to a
typing mistake in just one letter....
It was: How to change your wife?
The real word was life
***

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171

Wife is in the heart

A man died and went to heaven...
God was surprised to see his heart was still beating...
God asked him, how come??
The man replied; Im dead but my wife still lives in my heart...
The man was sent to Hell for over acting.
***
Wife Lost in Tsunami
A man lost his wife In Tsunami.........
One Drunk- Night.....
While standing on the Seashore, waves touching on his
feet.... he shouted to the Sea:
No matter how many times your waves touch my
feet.......Ill never take her back.....!!
Its your mistake.. DEAL WITH IT NOW!
***
Wife singing on the balcony
Wife in pretty upset tone: why do you go out on balcony
every time I sing? Dont you like to listen to me?
Husband: No dear, I just want to show our neighbors
that I am not beating my wife.
***
Wi-Fi
A man received a message from his neighbor.
Sorry sir. I am using your wife day and night. I am using
especially you are not there in house. I am using more than

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you are using .. I confess this because now I feel very

much guilt .. hope you will accept my sincere apologies.
Man went home and had a big fight with his wife.
Few minutes later he received one more message. Sorry
sir. It is a spelling mistake. It is not wife but Wi-Fi.
***
Wi-Fi Friend
A girl started noticing a smart looking guy standing in
front of her house every day in the evening. But he was
occasionally looking at her and sometimes in to his mobile.
It went on for a year and the girl began thinking that he
was in love with her, perhaps, not bold enough to express
his intentions. She informed her parents and they told
her to go and talk to him.
Hi, I am Radha. What is your name?
I am Krishna.
Why are you so shy? I like your patience and the respect
you give to women. Even our names are matching for making
a pair. Why standing daily there? If we marry we can be
inside only.
Sorry my dear sister. You have mistaken. The Wi-Fi in
your house is accessible from here. I stand here to catch
the signals. I thank that you have not obstructed all these
days.
***
Wish of a Romantic guy
A Romantic guy invested all his time in puja and finally
got 2 wishes from God.
He immediately wished for the best DRINK and the best
WOMAN.

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173

He got...
Ganga Water and
Mother Teresa.
Moral: Investments are subject to market risks. Please
read the offer document carefully before investing.
***
With age comes wisdom
Four friends had to stay in two double bed rooms when
they went for a trip. The first three friends were not
willing to stay in the company of the fourth friend as he
was notorious for snoring. They agreed upon a plan. Each
friend has to sleep with him for a night.
The turn of the first man was over and it was bitter. He
woke up throughout the night as he could not get sleep.
The turn of the second friend was similar and his eyes
became red and he could not digest what he had eaten
before going to sleep.
The third friend was quite elderly. His turn came on the
third day. Surprisingly, he got up fresh on the other day
with good sleep on the previous night. Everyone was
surprised. They began asking him the secret. He told, I
just kissed him over his lips, patted him on the arse and
cajoled him for five minutes before going to sleep. While
I was sleeping, he woke up throughout the night looking
at me and he did not have the sleep.
***
Without Tables
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math
multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using the tables.
***

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Woman in a hot balloon

A woman in a hot air balloon realized that she has been
lost.
She reduced altitude & shouted to a man below: Can you
please help me. I promised to attend a meeting in another
one hour. But I do not know where I am.
Man below replied: You are in hot air balloon 30 feet above
the ground. You are at 41* north latitude& 59* west
latitude.
Lady: You must be engineer.
Man: How do you know?
Lady: Everything you told me is technically correct but
useless & the fact is that I am still lost.
Engineer: You must be a top management professional.
Lady: Ya, how do you know?
Engineer: You do not know where you are where you are
going. You have a promise which you have no idea as to
how to keep up. You expect people beneath you to solve
all your problems!
***
Women will be women
A 54 year old woman had a heart attack & was taken 2
the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death
experience.
Seeing the God she asked, Is my time up?
God said, No, you have another 34 years to live.

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175

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital

& have a face-lift surgery, liposuction, & tummy tuck. She
even changed her hair color.
Finally she was released from the hospital.
While crossing the road on her way home, she was killed
by a truck.
Arriving in front of God, she asked, You said I had
another 34 years to live. Why didnt you save me from
the truck?
God replied: I couldnt recognize you!
***
Womens Day on 6th March
Womens Day was originally planned announced on 6th
March but women took 2 days to get ready so it was
postponed to 8th March.
Mens Day was also planned but, as usual, men forget the
date.
***
Workshop & Marriage
Wife: The neighbor was enquiring as to how workshop is
connected to marriage. I dont have any clue. Do you know
it?
Husband: Marriage is a workshop where husband works
and wife shops.
***
Worms in the stomach
In a science class, 3 worms were placed into 3 separate
jars.
The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.

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The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a jar of soil.
After one day, these were the results:
The first worm in alcohol: dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke: dead.
The 3rd worm in soil: alive.
So the science teacher asked the class What can you
learn from this experiment?
Little Johnny quickly raised his hand and said.
As long as you drink and smoke, you wont have worms
inside you.
***
You are bringing her back
A senior citizen drove his brand new Mercedes to 100
mph, looking in his rear view mirror; he saw a police car
behind him.
He floored it to 140, then 150, then 170...
Suddenly he thought, Im too old for this nonsense!
So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for
the police car to catch up with him.
The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and
said,
Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes.
Today is Friday and Im taking off for the weekend.
If you can give me a good reason that I have never heard
before for why you were speeding so fast,

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Ill let you go.

The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and
replied:Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought
you were bringing her back.!!!
The Cop left saying,
Have a good day, Sir
***
You are my world
Husband: I love you
Wife: I love you too, and in fact I love you so much I will
fight the whole world for you.
Husband: But you fight with me the most
Wife: Because you are the world to me.
***
Young vis--vis old
What is the difference between Young Age & Old Age?
Simple: In Young Age phone is full of Darlings Numbers.
In old age - its full of Doctors Numbers.
***

Dr Karanam Nagaraja Rao is

a Ph.D. in Management
Science from Jawaharlal
Nehru
Technological
University, Hyderabad. He
worked for more than 2
decades in different
capacities in LIC of India
and also worked as State
Operations Manager in
charge of Karnataka in Bajaj
Allianz Life Insurance Company before joining in to
academics. He is currently teaching Entrepreneurship
and Business Ethics to the MBA students in Alliance
University, Bangalore. He had to his credit more than
40 articles in National and International Journals on
topics
related
to
Marketing,
Insurance,
Entrepreneurship, Ethics and Spirituality in Management.
He has attended more than 30 National and International
Conferences. An accomplished Yoga Master, he did his
'Advanced Vedanta Course' from Chinmaya International
Foundation in 2012 and 'Kovida' from Samskrita Bharathi,
Bangalore in 2015.
He is passionate in English and Telugu literature and an
avid reader of classical literature. He developed interest
in jokes during his long association with insurance agents
and staff and he continued to maintain rapport with all.
The networking culminated in to the books of jokes.