McCrerey 1

Ryan McCrerey
Professor Tucker
ENC 2135
27 July 2016

Insomnia

I looked at the clock and an hour had gone by. Tonight would be another sleepless
night. Every night as soon as I shut my eyes, I wonder how long itll to be till I fall
asleep. Sometimes its five minutes, sometimes an hour, but nine times out of ten I
never wake up, I just get up.
I had been staring at the bright, bold, red numbers that burned my eyes as I
re-opened my eyes and felt the pull to keep them shut. I had become accustomed
to this, as this dramatic stare down had become a nightly ritual.
I looked at the clock again, another hour had gone by. At this point my mind
and body are on two opposite ends of the spectrum. My body is exhausted and
desires nothing more than a long nights rest, specifically the best sleep. What is the
best sleep you may ask?
The best sleep is when you sleep like a rock, a solid, deep sleep throughout
the night. A night filled with good dreams (if youre a dreamer). I very rarely dream

McCrerey 2
considering I rarely sleep so dreams or at least when I remember my dreams have
acquired some significance to me.
At this point my mind began to race more as I filled up with anxiety. I realized
that tomorrow like so many days before, would be a day where my eyes ached and
body hurt from exhaustion. This was a realization I was familiar with as I had had it
countless times during preceding nights. At this point I began to get angry as I
realized I wouldnt sleep. I began to speak to myself in my head saying, Why does
this always happen to me? Although I am young and spry as they say and have
become a fan of coffee to get me through even my drowsiest days.
Eventually I heard the incessant buzzing of my alarm and snoozed it with
exasperation. I told myself Id make up for the sleep and get a nap in, but who was I
kidding? I led and still lead a much too busy life to have the luxury of being able to
sleep for hours in the middle of my day. As the day progressed, fatigue set in,
similar to the feeling after a big ole Thanksgiving at grandmas house. Before I
knew it, my seventh period was over and I had football practice.
Oh what a joy football practice is when you can barely open your eyes. My
coaches always thought I was high, and the jokes about it were incessant. Nearly
every day I would hear, McCrerey, you smoking the ganja? I could never help but
chuckle when I heard this.
Let me tell you, theres nothing like a contact sport after no sleep, its an
experience I suggest all try. Practice eventually ended after it felt like an eternity
and before I knew it, was home doing homework, watching the hours go by. Soon, it
was midnight and when someone would normally be tired, I was amped as always,
just as if I had just chugged a Redbull.
2

McCrerey 3
At this time, lights usually began to turn off and people went to their beds to
slumber but not I. I knew that at this point, it was merely a waiting game until the
Sandman visited me, or if he visited me. I had a feeling of excitement with no
excitement, as if you were a kid on Christmas Eve night, yet it wasnt Christmas. I
knew it was time to say something to my parents and see what could be done about
it.
My parents took me to a doctor who specialized in homeopathic medicine to
take care of the issue in a natural way. He tested hormone levels in my body and
found I had some issue with my cortisol and gave me two bottles labeled Cytozyme
and Ashwagandha to help my anxiety which was linked to stress. I never felt too
much of a change while taking these so I assumed it was something internal.
Months had gone by and now I would make the anticipated transition from
high school to college. After pondering thisidea for so long, it was finally the time
for me to go to college. I already had most of my focus on my bed situation to make
sure I could have the most comfortable sleep possible. This was the first time in my
life where I was going to live in the same room as another person.
I grew up an only child and never had to deal with another person or listen to
strange sounds people make in the night. This was going to be completely new to
me, and for an insomniac, this can seem like a daunting thing.
It was my first week at school and in the beginning, it was a calm time. My
roommate was a peaceful guy, who read a lot and never left the room that much,
but this shortly changed. I became accustomed to long nights where he would have
various lovers over, and I knew something had to be done. One day, when the dorm
was empty, I decided to take the initiative and commandeer the main room. I took
3

McCrerey 4
apart each bed frame, piece by piece, and moved all the furniture, only to
reconstruct each bed frame. Needless to say, it had been quite a feat, but it was
one well worth it. I essentially had my own room and no longer had to experience
the feeling of coming home to a locked door knowing well what was going on inside.
After a couple weeks from a random opportunity I spent some time with a girl
who helped me with my insomnia. I dont know what it was about her presence that
helped me get some shut eye, but whenever she was around and spent the night, I
knew Id have a nice restful sleep. Eventually she stopped blessing me with her
nightly presence and I was back in the land of insomnia.
I began to look for other methods to help me sleep but rarely did they have any
effect. Upon receiving a new roommate during the middle of the school year, the
new guy was also an insomniac, often staying up later than I. Every day he had loud
arguments with his girlfriend, often leading him to take the conversation outside.
I would often yell, Jeremy, keep it down!
Im in the middle of something important! hed reply.
I guess every conversation he had with his girlfriend was, important,
because his response never changed, but needless to say, the conversations I had
with Jeremy gave me insight into anothers insomnia. Jeremy was a burly boy at 6
foot 2 inches and weighing around 230 pounds. He had long arms and a sort of
gawkish appearance. He told me stories of his autistic brother and about his time in
a Russian orphanage when he was a toddler. He had been the product of two heroin
junkies who had both died from their addictions, and it was no wonder why he had
night he couldnt sleep at night.

McCrerey 5
Before I knew it, a month had gone by and I was back to my old ways filled
with sleepless nights. I began to seek false romances in an effort to fill a void, and in
an effort to sleep. This worked for a little but was not a long-term solution for one
generally does not have a different guest over every night. I eventually gave up on
this pursuit and resorted to other methods until these as well had little effect.
Often I asked myself why I had been cursed with this condition. I ate healthy,
exercised every day and did all the right things, yet I still had those sleepless nights.
Some people suffer from insomnia for physical reasons, others for mental ones but
both these causes work in synchronization for me.
My mind races and constantly sets its attention on something irrelevant at
the time. I can accept it and let myself think about this random notion or I can use
all my will power to push it out of my mind but often this is futile. I guess I dont
have a problem on focusing on things.
Luckily I had two friends of mine who either disliked sleep or were insomniacs as
well, and the remainder of the year and nights were spent with these guys. Whether
we stayed up and talked or stayed up and studied, it was comforting to know I had
others who would embark upon the nightly feat of staying up through the night.
I assume the day will come where I naturally fall asleep every night but for
now I have found the best solution to be catching up on sleep when I can, Saturday
nights are the best for this because Sunday is always predominantly the day of rest.
Through talking with other people who are insomniacs as well, it all seems to be the
same situation, filled with long nights with minds racing.

McCrerey 6
You never know who is an insomniac or how many sleepless nights they have
had. We insomniacs have become accustomed to the condition and after months it
becomes a normal predicament in day to day life. How many insomniacs are there?
I dont know and we probably never will know, I just look at all the people drinking
coffee.