Academic Writing WORKSHOPGLOBAL REVISION DRAFT 2

Duke TIP eStudies Program

Essay 2: Argument

Essay Writer Skylar Digou

Reviser Sunitha Brown

1. What did you like best about the use of sources in the essay? Why?
I like that there are percentages and titles of books that I would be able to check
out. I like this because if I wanted to know more about the subject I could be able to
go find that book or a book like it.

INTRODUCTION:

2. What is the writers thesis statement/claim?

We need to stop doing spelling after elementary school for many reasons.

3. How could the thesis statement be improved to more clearly and concisely
state the writers overall stance on the issue he/she has chosen?
The reasons could have been briefly listed to give the reader a foreshadow of what
they would be.

BODY:

4. Does each body paragraph have a topic sentence that introduces the
paragraphs main idea? (Yes / No) Make a note here about how the topic
sentence could be added or improved.
There aren't a lot of topic sentences. It could be improved by including them in the
beginning of each body paragraph. Dont put paragraph headings like you did in
the first body paragraph. It is different from a topic sentence.

Academic Writing WORKSHOPGLOBAL REVISION DRAFT 2

Duke TIP eStudies Program
Essay 2: Argument

5. Citations and Quotations: Comment in the Doc next to any of the following
errors:

Poorly punctuated quotations or in-text citations (refer to Using

Information from Sources handout and Section 50 of your Everyday
Writer)

Quotations that have not been properly integrated (refer to

Integrating Quotations Gracefully handout and Section 39h, p. 409,
of your Everyday Writer)

Quotations or paraphrases that seem to be missing the appropriate intext citation (refer to Using Information from Sources handout and
Section 51 of your Everyday Writer)

Information from a source that does not have a corresponding entry on

the Works Cited page

Add some notes here about how the writer could improve his or her use of outside
sources:
I feel like there could have been a little more usage of the research that was worked
on that so many stories. The stories are good but there can be too many at times.
Like the napping story. It is unnecessary to make it so long when the whole essay is
about spelling rights.

Opposing View:

6. Add some notes here about how the writer could improve his or her coverage
of the opposing viewpoint.
The first sentence could explain briefly some of the reasons why having spelling
would be a good thing. Also explain how not having spelling could be bad. Like we
wouldn't be able to read what was written for us.

Academic Writing WORKSHOPGLOBAL REVISION DRAFT 2

Duke TIP eStudies Program
Essay 2: Argument

Works Cited:
7. Is there a Works Cited Page on the last page of the essay formatted according
to MLA (see pg. 511 in Everyday Writer?
Yes

8. Are there 2-3 source entries formatted there according to MLA (see pg. 511 in
Everyday Writer).
Yes

9. Add some notes about how the Works Cited page could be improved.
Make sure that everything is lined up on the page. It looks like the whole thing was
centered on the page instead of starting at the top. Everything else looks good.