Next Thing You Know (NMT) - Libretto

Next%Thing%You%Know%
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Next Thing You Know

a new musical
Music by Joshua Salzman
Book and Lyrics by Ryan Cunningham
Originally produced at CAP21
Salzman%and%Cunningham%
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SCENE 1: Sullivan Street Tavern

#1 Prelude
(A dark and dingy bar in New York City. The grime is part of its charm
like the musty basement of your favorite childhood memories. WAVERLY
unlocks the door, flips on the light and hangs her keys on the hook. SHE
begins to prepare the bar for the night.)
#2 Little Bar on Sullivan Street
(ENSEMBLE)
WAVERLY
SET UP THE BAR STOOLS,

AND RUN THE TAPS.
CHECK ON THE LIQUOR.
WIPE OFF THE CAPS.
FILL UP THE MIXERS.
CUT UP A LIME.
MAKE SURE MY FRIENDS ARE GONNA HAVE A GOOD TIME.
IF YOU WANT A FANCY COCKTAIL
THAT GLOWS UP IN NEON BLUE,
THEN WE AINT FOR YOU.
NO.
WHERE NEW YORKS TWENTY-SOMETHING DRUNKS
COME TO MEET.
ITS OUR LITTLE BAR,
LITTLE BAR,
LITTLE BAR,
LITTLE BAR ON SULLIVAN STREET.
DARREN
Hey, babe.
WAVERLY
Hey, you.
DARREN
Slow night?
WAVERLY
Not anymore. Youre here.
DARREN
Awww.
030%
DARREN
COME IN THE EVENING
AT HALF-PAST SIX.
PROTECT MY LADY
FROM BAR-FLY DICKS.
TAKE IN A SINGER
WHO SINGS OFF-KEY.
WHEN SHE TENDS BAR I TEND TO DRINK HERE FOR FREE.
IF YOU WANT SOME FRIENDLY PEOPLE
WHO COULD CARE LESS WHERE YOUVE BEEN,
THEN COME ON IN!
OH!
TO PLAY SOME DARTS YOU PUT YOUR NAME ON THIS SHEET
AT OUR LITTLE BAR,
WAVERLY
LITTLE BAR,
WAVERLY AND DARREN
LITTLE BAR,
LUKE
I CAME HERE TO MEET SOME WOMEN.
LISA
I AM HERE TO SING A SONG.
LUKE
SO WHERE YOU FROM?
LISA
OKAY, WHO LET HIM IN?
LUKE
Hey, watch it, cutie.
I COULD DO THIS ALL NIGHT LONG.
DARREN
ALL NIGHT LONG.
WAVERLY
ALL NIGHT LONG.
040%
LISA
ALL NIGHT LONG.
ENSEMBLE
ALL NIGHT LONG!
LUKE
ILL TAKE TWO WHISKEYS.
LISA
THANKS A LOT.
WAVERLY
THATS SEVEN BUCKS.
LISA
THIS SONG IS NEW.
DARREN
THIS LIQUORS RANCID.
WAVERLY
NO, ITS NOT.
DARREN
THE FOOD HERE SUCKS.
WAVERLY
OKAY, THATS TRUE.
LUKE
THE WOMEN LOVE ME.
LISA
POINT OUT ONE.
LUKE
ITS TIME WE MET.
LISA
YOURE GOOD AS DONE.
WAVERLY
THIS IS AS GREAT AS OUR LIVES WILL EVER GET.
LUKE
050%
IF YOU LIVE LIFE IN THE FAST LANE

AND YOU WANT A CHANGE OF PACE.
THIS HERES THE PLACE.
ENSEMBLE
YEAH!
LUKE
THE BEER HERES BITTER,
BUT THE WOMEN ARE SWEET.
IN OUR LITTLE BAR,
DARREN
LITTLE BAR,
WAVERLY
LITTLE BAR,
LISA
LITTLE BAR ON SULLIVAN
DARREN
THE FINEST VODKA TASTES A LITTLE LIKE DEET.
AT OUR LITTLE BAR,
WAVERLY
LITTLE BAR,
LISA
LITTLE BAR,
LUKE
LUKE
ITS GETTIN ROWDY.
ENSEMBLE
WHOO!
WAVERLY
IM GETTIN THROUGH.
LISA
YOU!
060%
DARREN
THE WHISKEYS FLOWIN!
LUKE
SHOT!
LISA
TEQUILA TOO!
LUKE
WHY NOT?
WAVERLY
WERE LAUGHIN LOUDLY.
ENSEMBLE
YEAH!
DARREN
WERE HAVIN FUN!
ENSEMBLE
HEY!
NO ONE GIVES A SHIT BOUT ALL THE SHIT THAT WEVE DONE.
AT OUR LITTLE BAR,
LITTLE BAR,
LITTLE BAR,
LITTLE BAR,
LITTLE BAR,
LITTLE BAR,
LITTLE BAR,
LITTLE BAR,
(Playout music for the transition. EVERYONE leaves, and WAVERLY gets
back behind the bar. Its now the next Monday.)
070%
SCENE 2: Sullivan Street TavernThe next Monday afternoon

(DARREN enters and throws his coat on the bar.)
WAVERLY
What can I get ya, cowboy?
DARREN
The finest beer on tap.
WAVERLY
Then youre in the wrong place.
(DARREN leans over the bar and kisses WAVERLY.)
DARREN
An IPA in the big glass. I have to head back to work in forty-five minutes.
WAVERLY
You sure you want a big one?
DARREN
Im a temp. Theyre just happy Im not stealing office supplies.
(WAVERLY pours him a big IPA and squirts herself a coke.)
WAVERLY
I have some news.
(WAVERLY pulls a piece of paper out of her purse and slams it down on
the bar.)
DARREN
You wrote me a letter about it?
WAVERLY
Its an offer.
DARREN
For a show?
WAVERLY
For my job. Full time.
DARREN
Here?
080%
WAERLY
At the law firm.
DARREN
Full-time. Like a real job.
(LISA enters with an amp chord around her arm.)
LISA
Hey, ladies.
DARREN
You wish.
LISA
Dont flatter yourself.
WAVERLY
Guys, please.
LISA
He started it.
WAVERLY
If I had known dating your ex would doom me to this, I would have come out of the
closet with you.
LISA
You hear that, Darren? You just made another girl wish she was a lesbian.
DARREN
Waverly got a job offer. Full-time at the firm.
LISA
Congrats!
WAVERLY
Its a three-month trial period.
(LISA heads to the side of the bar to set up her equipment.)
LISA
Youre great at that job, theyll hire you full time.
090%
WAVERLY
Thats what Im afraid of.
LISA
Dont you like it there?
WAVERLY
A lot.
LISA
And youd get benefits, vacation and then you could leave here.
WAVERLY
I like it here!
LISA
Our paying customers dont like it here.
WAVERLY
You play here all the time.
LISA
To a room of twenty drunks.
DARREN
And me!
LISA
Twenty-one.
DARREN
You should flip a quarter.
WAVERLY
Im not leaving it all up to chance.
DARREN
You wouldnt be. Watch.
(DARREN pulls a quarter out of his pocket.)
DARREN
Waverly, if you could choose one thing to eat for the rest of your lifepeanuts or
pretzelswhat would it be?
0100%
WAVERLY
Im not doing this.
DARREN
Heads, peanuts. Tails, pretzels.
(DARREN throws the quarter in the air. HE slaps it on the back of his
hand.)
DARREN
Its heads, peanuts.
WAVERLY
Peanuts? Really?
DARREN
Now we know you prefer pretzels.
LISA
So its not actually about choosing
DARREN
its about forcing one of the options upon you. Then you know what you want.
WAVERLY
Thats absurd.
DARREN
Ready? Heads, take the job. Tails, turn it down.
(DARREN flips the quarter. As it flies through the air WAVERLY snatches
it.)
WAVERLY
Were not going to decide this through a quarter.
LISA
I think you should take the job.
DARREN
I think youre a wonderful actress whos destined for more than office work.
WAVERLY
You do office work, and you seem pretty happy.
0110%
DARREN
I write every night. So Im also a writer. You work every day and bartend every night, so
youre a working stiff and a bartender.
WAVERLY
Im an actress. I just havent gotten a break yet.
DARREN
And you cant get a break, because youre not auditioning because of this stupid job.
WAVERLY
I like my jobs, and the freedom they give me. What dont you understand about that?
DARREN
It just seems childish.
WAVERLY
You know what? Youre done.
(WAVERLY steals his beer and dumps it in the sink.)
DARREN
Hey! That was a big one.
WAVERLY
Now its an empty one. Go.
(A beat.)
DARREN
Im sorry I said something that made you want to pour out a big one.
WAVERLY
Thank you.
DARREN
Ill come by after work.
(DARREN throws his coat on and exits.)
DARREN
Good luck tonight, Lisa.
LISA
Thanks. Im singing a song about you.
0120%
DARREN
Really?
LISA
Yeah. Its called The ineffectual heterosexual.
DARREN
Good night.
(DARREN exits.)
#3 Its A Sign
(LISA)
WAVERLY
Its just a job, right?

LISA
ITS A SIGN, ITS TIME TO MOVE ON.
LEAVE THIS OLD DIVE BAR BEHIND.
ITS YOUR CHANCE, DONT WAIT TIL ITS GONE.
WAKE UP, AND MAKE UP YOUR MIND.
YOUD HAVE A JOB, YOUD HAVE A MAN.
SO IT WASNT PART OF YOUR MATER PLAN.
ITS A SIGN.
AND IM WAITING FOR MINE
WAVERLY
Youre living the dream. You perform every weekend.
LISA
Then what? At least you have Darren to go home to.
WAVERLY
Shes out there. Youll find her.
LISA
THAT WAS ALWAYS MY PLAN.
MEET HER HERE IN NEW YORK,
THEN SHED WHISK ME AWAY.
WED PACK ALL OUR THINGS,
AND MOVE TO LA.
MAYBE THE REASON I CANT FIND HER ANYWHERE.
IS CAUSE SHES WAITING FOR ME TO MOVE OUT THERE.
0130%
WAVERLY
Lisa, no.
THIS WAS THE DREAM WE HAD IN COLLEGE;
TALKING,
PLANNING,
IN A BAR.
YOU AND I WOULD BOTH ACKNOWLEDGE,
CAUSE WE EACH HAD EACH OTHER,
WE BOTH GOT THIS FAR.
YOU THINK YOU NEED TO LEAVE TO GROW.
BUT, IM BEGGING YOU, DONT GO.
I WANT IT ALL TO STAY
UNDECIDED.
UNREALIZED.
ALL I WANT IS FOR IT ALL TO STAY THIS WAY.
YOU.
ME.
US.
STAY.
LISA
Arent you tired of working two jobs? Take this offer and settle down.
WAVERLY
THIS IS WHAT I THOUGHT STARTING AT THE START MEANT;
STRIVING,
STRUGGLING,
LEARNING LIFE
WITH A GUY IN A SMALL APARTMENT,
WHERE YOURE NOT JUST HIS GIRLFRIEND,
BUT NOT YET HIS WIFE.
ONE DAY YOULL WALK DOWN THE AISLE
BUT THAT DAYS NOT FOR A WHILE.
TOMORROW.
PRETEND.
THIS.
HERE.
NOW.
STAY.
0140%
LISA
Waverly, do you want to be a thirty-something with twenty-something problems? What
are you afraid of?
WAVERLY
THERELL BE LESSONS LEFT UNLEARNED.
THERELL BE STONES I LEAVE UNTURNED.
LISA
THERE ARE NEW DREAMS TO PURSUE.
YOUR WHOLE LIFES IN FRONT OF YOU.
WAVERLY
IM ALREADY CLOSING DOORS.
LISA
THE CHOICE IS HERE AND NOW AND YOURS.
THE ONLY CHOICE THAT YOULL REGRET
IS MAKING NONE AT ALL.
WAVERLY
IM NOT THERE YET.
WAVERLY
BEGINNING
I WANT THIS LIFE
THAT I AM LIVING
TO STAY
PART OF SOME IMPOSSIBLE
SCHEME.
STAY. STAY. STAY.
STAY. STAY.
STAY WITH ME.
AND LET IT ALL STAY
A DREAM.
(Blackout)
LISA
I NEED A SIMPLE SYMBOL OR A
SIGN TO OBEY
I WANT THIS LIFE
THAT I AM LIVING
TO SHOW ME THE WAY.
ITS A SIGN.
WHERES MINE?
I WISH I WERE YOU,
CAUSE ITS THE ANSWER TO
A DREAM.
0150%
SCENE 3: The Offices of Creative 360

(DARREN and LUKE sit directly behind each other in office chairs. LUKE
wears headphones and laughs loudly to himself.)
LUKE
Hey.
DARREN
Whats up?
LUKE
I am about to change your world. Check out this website Im on. Whatever you type,
your computer will say. I just sent you the link.
(Suddenly, LUKES computer starts talking. You can replicate this at
www2.research.att.com/~ttsweb/tts/demo.php)
LUKES COMPUTER
Is your mind blown?
DARRENS COMPUTER
This is why Al Gore invented the internet.
LUKES COMPUTER
And this is how we shall speak for the rest of the day. The names Luke. Im in sales.
DARRENS COMPUTER
Darren. Im a temp.
(THEY turn and shake hands.)
DARRENS COMPUTER
What are you doing tonight?
LUKES COMPUTER
I am going to find me a lady. And then much like Gene Kelly. I will tap that.
DARRENS COMPUTER
Much like a brewmaster appeasing the thirsty masses. Tap that.
DARREN
Not my best. Im just starting.
LUKES COMPUTER
Much like a raven on a midnight dreary at my chamber door, I will rap tap tap that.
0160%
DARREN
Poe. Nice.
DARRENS COMPUTER
Much like small portions of Spanish food. Tapas that.
DARREN
Tapas that. ItsCataloniannever mind.
LUKES COMPUTER
Much like the government intervention program created to derail the financial crisis in
October of two thousand and eight. TARP that.
DARRENS COMPUTER
And with that, I tap out.
LUKES COMPUTER
You want to come?
DARRENS COMPUTER
Im meeting up with my girlfriend. Shes having a quarter-life crisis.
LUKES COMPUTER
She wants to get engaged.
DARRENS COMPUTER
No, she doesnt.
LUKES COMPUTER
Trust me, she does. No matter what they say, all women that age want to get engaged.
DARRENS COMPUTER
She wont be getting engaged tonight. Im just going to see how shes doing and then Im
heading home to work on my play.
LUKES COMPUTER
Youre a writer? My dads an agent.
DARREN
What?
LUKES COMPUTER
Youre a writer? My dads an agent.
0170%
DARREN
What kind of an agent?
LUKES COMPUTER
We agreed to only talk through the computer for the rest of the day.
(DARREN quickly returns to typing.)
DARRENS COMPUTER
What kind of an agent?
LUKES COMPUTER
Mostly theatre stuff. Want to meet him?
DARREN
Yes. Of course, I do. Yes.
(LUKE shoots DARREN a look.)
DARRENS COMPUTER
Yes, of course I do. Yes.
LUKES COMPUTER
Give me something for him to read.
DARREN
I
DARRENS COMPUTER
I will. Thanks.
LUKES COMPUTER
So now will you come out and grab a drink with me?
DARRENS COMPUTER
I still have to go see my girlfriend.
LUKES COMPUTER
Lame.
DARRENS COMPUTER
And thenskippity skappity, rippity rappity, bippity boppity, tippity tap tap tap that.
(LUKE shoots DARREN a look in anger. He knows hes been bested. He
bows to the master and doffs his imaginary hat. DARREN returns the
gesture.)
(Fade to black.)
0180%
0190%
SCENE 4: The Sullivan Street Tavern

(WAVERLY stands behind the bar flipping a quarter on her thumbbut
never lets it land. LUKE enters.)
LUKE
Hey, hows my girl?
WAVERLY
Still not your girl.
LUKE
Ill have a vodka soda.
(WAVERLY makes a vodka soda. LUKE sits and pulls out a cigarette.)
WAVERLY
Luke, no smoking in here.
LUKE
Just one.
WAVERLY
Ill get fined.
LUKE
Cmon, let me smoke it.
WAVERLY
No.
LUKE
Let me puff it.
WAVERLY
No.
LUKE
Let me pull it.
WAVERLY
How about you suck it?
LUKE
When are you going to give me a chance, Waverly?
0200%
WAVERLY
I have a boyfriend, Luke.
LUKE
Where is he?
WAVERLY
He was supposed to be here an hour ago.
LUKE
I work in sales and that sounds like an opening.
WAVERLY
Its not.
LUKE
Just let me make the pitch.
#4 - Morning After Omelet
(LUKE)
WAVERLY
Isnt there a saying in business, If you cant seal the deal, dont bother pitching.?
LUKE
Yes, there is. And yet, here we go.
EVERY TIME A WOMAN STAYS THE NIGHT,
SHES HAPPY, AND I DONT WONDER WHY.
I TREAT HER WELL,
BUT I DONT KISS AND TELL
HELL, IM JUST THAT KIND OF GUY.
SHE SLEEPS IN. BUT I GET UP TO START THE DAY
AND MAKE HER BREAKFAST IN BED.
SHE SMILES AS SHE WAKES UP AND IS FED
MY MORNING AFTER OMELET.
WAVERLY
You sound like quite the gentleman.
(WAVERLY pours herself a beer.)
LUKE
MMMMM.
I TAKE MY TIME. NO NEED TO RUSH
OR RUIN IT WITH HASTE.
WITH THE TENDER TWIST
0210%
OF MY WELL SEASONED WRIST

I TAILOR BREAKFAST TO HER TASTE.
I MIX THE EGGS WITH A TOUCH OF MILK,
SOME HAND SELECTED HERBS AND A SUBTLE SPLASH OF CREAM
AND WITH EVERY ONE IM CLOSER TO MY DREAM,
THE PERFECT MORNING AFTER OMELET.
FOR PAM I ADDED HAM.
FOR LOUISE I ADDED CHEESE.
ANIKA, PAPRIKA.
SHE BARELY USED A FORK.
FOR ELLA, BABY BELLA.
AND FOR PEPPER, WELL, PEPPER.
AND YOU CAN BET I USED POTATOES
FOR MISS MALLORY OROURKE.
NOW IVE GOT IT TO A SCIENCE, BUT I WONDER
ABOUT ALL THE EGGS AND SEX,
THOUGH ITS BEEN A THRILL
WOULD IT BE BETTER STILL
IF IT WERE SLIGHTLY LESS COMPLEX?
IN TRYING TO FIND THE ONE,
IVE LET SO MANY WOMEN WALK OUT THE DOOR.
NOW I HAVE THE PERFECT MORNING AFTER OMELET,
BUT NO ONE TO MAKE THAT PERFECT OMELET FOR.
MY MORNING AFTER OMELET.
MMMMMM, OMELET.
WAVERLY
Not tonight.
LUKE
Youre telling me that didnt sound wonderful?
WAVERLY
Oddly, it did. But I gotta go.
LUKE
Ill be here when you change your mind.
(LISA enters.)
LISA
You are relieved mlady.
0220%
(WAVERLY tosses her a bar towel.)

WAVERLY
Thanks. Im opening tomorrow, so dont leave a mess.
LISA
Never.
LUKE
What about you? Wanna hear my pitch?
LISA
Itd have to be a damn good picth.
LUKE
It is.
LISA
And youd have to be a lesbian.
LUKE
Im not. But for you Id do some things.
WAVERLY
Good night, you two.
LISA
Good night.
(WAVERLY walks out into the night and wanders home through the streets
of New York.)
0230%
SCENE 5: Darren and Waverlys Apartment

(DARREN sits at the dinner table, writing. WAVERLY enters with a pizza
box.)
WAVERLY
Im home.
DARREN
(without looking up)
Hey.
WAVERLY
I got dinner.
(SHE drops it on the table in front of him.)
DARREN
Thanks.
(WAVERLY exits into the bedroom to change shirts. DARREN
absentmindedly takes a piece of pizza out of the box and begins eating it.
WAVERLY reenters and stands behind Darren with her arms folded. HE
doesnt notice her.)
WAVERLY
Hey.
DARREN
Hey.
WAVERLY
Do you want to ask me how the rest of my day went?
DARREN
How the rest of my day went?
WAVERLY
Terribly.
DARREN
Thats good.
WAVERLY
No, its not good.
0240%
DARREN
No. Its not good.
WAVERLY
Can you listen to me for one second?
DARREN
Give me two minutes.
WAVERLY
No. Now.
(DARREN snaps out of it. HE turns towards her.)
WAVERLY
You said you were coming by after work.
DARREN
This writing thing came up. Turns out a co-workers fathers an agent. So I rushed home
to finish that play Ive been working on. Exciting, huh?
WAVERLY
You couldve called.
DARREN
Im sorry, I got distracted. Lets go out tomorrow.
WAVERLY
I dont want to go out tomorrow.
DARREN
Whats wrong?
WAVERLY
Ill tell you whats wrong. Im taking a full-time job, my best friends leaving and you
dont even look at me when I come in the door. Were turning into my parents and were
not even thirtythats whats wrong.
DARREN
I was in the middle of writing something.
WAVERLY
Youre always in the middle of writing something. Do you ever focus on anything else?
0250%
DARREN
My job. And the other one hundred things I have to do before I can sit down and pursue
what I want.
WAVERLY
Which isnt me.
DARREN
Of course it is.
WAVERLY
After everything else.
DARREN
Along with everything else.
WAVERLY
I dont want to be the thing you want along with everything elselike all of your life is a
series of side dishes. I want to be your main course. I want to be your omelet.
DARREN
What are you talking about?
WAVERLY
I moved here to be an actress. And next thing you know, Im stuck with this job I was
never meant to take, living this life I was never supposed to live and I cant move back
home to my friends and family because of you!
DARREN
You dont have to take that job.
WAVERLY
Maybe I want to! But I know that it would mean closing the doors on a few things.
Which is scary. And the fact that you dont understand that is even scarier.
(WAVERLY starts to leave.)
DARREN
Waverly, stop.
WAVERLY
What.
DARREN
I know what this is about.
0260%
WAVERLY
You do.
DARREN
Youre confused because youre twenty-eight and your lifes uncertain. So lets get rid of
some of the uncertainty. Waverly
(getting on one knee)
will you marry me?
WAVERLY
IDarrenare you completely insane?
DARREN
No?
WAVERLY
Im afraid were turning into my parents and your solution is to get engaged? I dont want
to get engaged right now.
DARREN
Thats not what I was told.
WAVERLY
Were not ready!
DARREN
Were more grown up than you think.
WAVERLY
Im not.
DARREN
I am.
WAVERLY
No youre not. Im tired of everyone thinking were done with this part of our lives. In
fact, I think I need a break.
DARREN
Then go to bed and well talk in the morning.
WAVERLY
No, a break. From this. Im sorry. Ill stay at Lisas tonight.
DARREN
What more do you need from me?
0270%
#5 - As Good As I Get
(DARREN)
WAVERLY
I need you to understand that Im not ready to move on. We have a long way to go and
youve stopped trying.
(WAVERLY goes to leave.)
DARREN
YOU SAY TO TRY.
YOU SAY TO WORK.
YOU SAY YOURE SURE
I COULD BE MORE
THAN THIS ADOLESCENT JERK.
AND I SAY, LOOK, IVE BEEN TRYING
EVER SINCE THE DAY WE MET.
BUT, THIS ADOLESCENT JERK
MIGHT BE AS GOOD AS I GET.
WAVERLY
I dont buy it, Darren. Youre the one who wants to get married and youre giving up
before weve even started.
DARREN
IVE LET YOU DOWN.
ITS WHAT I DO.
I MUST ADMIT
IVE PULLED SOME SHIT
THAT I REGRET A TIME OR TWO.
BUT I MAY NOT GET MUCH BETTER,
AND SINCE IM NOT THERE YET,
A MAN WHO LETS YOU DOWN
IM NOT SAYING IM NOT TRYING.
IM NOT SAYING I WONT TRY.
BUT IF YOU WANT EXTRAORDINARY
IM GONNA COME UP SHY.
I WISH I COULD BE BETTER
BUT IM JUST AN ORDINARY GUY,
WHO LOVES YOU A LOT.
AND MAYBE THATS ALL I GOT.
ITS NOT IDEAL.
AT LEAST ITS TRUE.
0280%
PERHAPS YOUR MAN

DOES WHAT HE CAN
AND COMES UP SHORT
BUT STILL LOVES YOU.
YOU SAY TO LEAVE.
IM GOOD AS GONE.
ID RATHER BE UP FRONT NOW
THAN LET YOU DOWN LATER ON.
AND YOU MIGHT HAVE TO TAKE A GAMBLE
CAUSE IM NOT A SURE BET.
AND THERES AN EXTRAORDINARY CHANCE
THAT THIS ORDINARY MAN
WHO LOVES YOU
WAVERLY
Im sorry.
DARREN
ITS AS GOOD AS I GET.
(WAVERLY walks out the door and again finds herself on the streets of
New York.)
#5A - Stay Reprise
WAVERLY
IMAGINED.
NOT YET.
YOUNG.
FREE.
ME.
STAY.
(Blackout)
(WAVERLY)
0290%
SCENE 6: The Offices of Creative 360 into Sullivan Street Tavern

(Six weeks later. DARREN and LUKE sit back to back again.)
LUKE
Temp! Just got an email from my dad. He really likes the script, a lot.
DARREN
(Reluctantly)
Thats great. Really great news.
LUKE
Hes heading out of town for a few weeks, but he wants to meet you when he gets back.
DARREN
(Distractedly)
Definitely. Any time. Just let me know.
LUKE
Temp, how long ago did your girl leave you?
DARREN
She didnt leave me. We mutually decided to pursue different opportunities.
LUKE
After you proposed to her and she said no. How long?
DARREN
Six weeks.
LUKE
Six weeks? Then you should already be over her for likesix weeks.
DARREN
We were together for four years, Luke.
LUKE
I have a plan.
DARREN
Whats that?
LUKES COMPUTER
You and I will go to my favorite bar. And much like a nail, get hammered.
0300%
DARYNS COMPUTER
Much like a bust of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. Get plastered.
LUKES COMPUTER
Much like literary references on my college girlfriend. Get wasted.
DARYNS COMPUTER
Much like the offensive line of the Detroit Lions, get embarrassingly blitzed.
LUKES COMPUTER
Were gonna blackout so hard, well erase other peoples memories.
#6 - Were Gonna Go Out
(ENSEMBLE)
LUKE
WERE GONNA GO OUT.
WERE GONNA GET DOWN,
AND BUY WHATEVER DRUGS THEY SELL US.
WERE GONNA PAINT THE TOWN SO RED
THAT EVEN CLIFFORD WOULD BE JEALOUS.
ITS A PARTY. ITS A BENDER.
CALL IT WHAT YOU WANT TO CALL IT.
GRAB MY KEYS AND GRAB MY WALLET.
WERE GONNA GO OUT.
(On the other side of the stage we see WAVERLY and LISA getting ready
to go out.)
WAVERLY
IM GONNA GO OUT.
CALL UP MY GIRL,
AND WELL BLOW THROUGH LAST WEEKS WAGES.
LISA
WERE GONNA TEAR RIGHT THROUGH THIS CITY
LIKE COUGARS SPRUNG FROM CAGES.
WAVERLY
YOUNGINS NEED NOT APPLY.
CAUSE WE DONT NEED NO BEGINNER.
WELL JUST CHEW YOU UP FOR DINNER.
LISA AND WAVERLY
WERE GONNA GO OUT.
0310%
ENSEMBLE
HEY, DIVE BAR.
HERE WE ARE.
THE CALL OF YOUR SONG
IS MUCH TOO STRONG.
THAT PUNGENT AND RARE
PUTRID TASTE IN THE AIR
REMINDS US WHERE WE BELONG.
(We find LUKE and DARREN as they walk in the bar.)
DARREN
Woah, woah, woah. We cant go here. My ex is always here.
LUKE
All the better. She should see you getting some action.
DARREN
I have to go. I say really stupid shit when Im nervous.
LUKE
Relax. You say really stupid shit when youre not nervous too.
DARREN
Im outta here.
LUKE
Look around the bar. Is she here tonight?
DARREN
No.
LUKE
Just chill out and look at the ladies with me.
DARREN
If I see her, Im running for it.
LUKE
Great. So, who you like?
DARREN
What?
LUKE
Who you like? The women. Who you like?
0320%
DARREN
I dont know, shes cute.
LUKE
Dont point at them. Youre not picking out a lobster.
DARREN
Im also not picking out a girlfriend.
LUKE
Correct. Youre here to get a girl, so that you can get a girlfriend.
DARREN
Youre an idiot. What does that even mean?
LUKE
Call me an idiot and youll never find out.
DARREN
I think Im just fine without you.
LUKE
Youre a disaster.
DARREN
I could pick up any girl here.
LUKE
Which one?
DARREN
Any one.
LUKE
Which. One?
#7 - The Way to Get A Girl
DARREN
SEE THAT GIRL?
OVER THERE?
IN THE RED
WITH THE BLEACH BLONDE HAIR?
TOP IS ROUND.
MIDDLES THIN.
(DARREN and LUKE)
0330%
RIDICULOUS LEGS THAT GO UP TO HER CHIN.

LUKE
Yeah?
DARREN
SHE WANTS ME.
LUKE
What?
DARREN
SHE NEEDS ME.
LUKE
Her?
DARREN
SHES JUST REALLY SHY.
SHE JUST GAVE ME A WINK.
LUKE
HER CONTACT FELL FROM HER EYE.
DARREN
SHES GOT A SENSATION ONLY I CAN ITCH.
SHES ACHING FOR LOVE MAKIN FROM ME.
LUKE
Prove itbitch.
DARREN
EXCUSE ME. HI. CAN I BUTT IN?
I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW,
THAT YOU HAVELEGS TO YOUR CHIN.
NO? OK. THE FAULTS ALL MINE.
SORRY. YEP. RIGHT THEN. FINE.
LUKE
Howd it go?
DARREN
We mutually decided to pursue different opportunities.
LUKE
Youre the idiot. Theres only one thing women want. Its like lady catnip. Watch.
0340%
EXCUSE ME. IM SORRY,

BUT YOU DROPPED YOUR GLOVE.
HITTING ON YOU?
NO, I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND,
WHOM I LOVE.
Your number? In case it doesnt work out? Thank you, youre very sweet.
THE WAY TO GET A GIRL
IS TO GET A GIRL.
WHEN YOURE TAKEN THEY ALL FLOCK BY THE SCORE.
BUT THEN TAKE IT FROM ME
THE SECOND THAT YOURE FREE
THE GIRLS YOU THOUGHT WOULD WANT YOU
DONT WANT YOU ANY MORE.
ITS A GUARANTEED GET,
GRAB A GIRL AND YOURE SET.
THEY KNOW. THEY KNOW. THEY KNOW.
DARREN
But, you dont have a girlfriend.
LUKE
I have lots of girlfriends.
DARREN
If you have more than one, theyre not your girlfriend.
LUKE
Why? Cause I havent pinned them? Listen, Pat Boone, things have changed since the
Eisenhower administration!
DARREN
Im not Pat Boone. Watch this.
HEY. OKAY. IM SORRY. VERY.
GOT IT. THAT HAND GESTURES UNNECESSARY.
HI. RIGHT. OKAY. YOU BET.
I UNDERSTOOD YOU LOUD AND CLEAR
BEFORE THE DEATH THREAT.
BACK TO THE BAR
CAUSE I LIKE BEING ALIVE.
LUKE
WHILE YOU WERE GONE I GOT FOUR NUMBERSOH, FIVE.
0350%
I KNOW IT SEEMS SHALLOW.

I KNOW IT SEEMS SLEAZY.
BUT I SWEAR I WOULDNT DO IT
IF IT WERENT SO EASY.
DARREN AND LUKE
IS TO GET A GIRL.
LUKE
IF YOURE SPOKEN FOR THEYLL LINE ROUND THE BLOCK.
OH YES, SOMEHOW THEY KNOW
WHEN YOURE SOMEBODYS BEAU.
THATS WHEN THEYLL GO TO YOU,
SURE AS TICK GOES WITH TOCK.
ALTHOUGH IT SOUNDS CRUEL,
ITS A PROVABLE RULE.
I KNOW. I KNOW. I KNOW.
DARREN AND LUKE
IS TO GET A GIRL.
DARREN
WHEN YOURE CALLED FOR THATS WHEN THEY START TO CALL.
LUKE
AND YOUVE GOT TO APPLAUD
THIS SICK TRICK PLAYED BY GOD
ID SAY THAT ITS PROOF
THAT GODS A WOMAN AFTER ALL.
ITS A FULL ON ASSAULT
DARREN
AND YET SOMEHOW OUR FAULT.
DARREN AND LUKE
WE KNOW. WE KNOW. WE KNOW.
THE WAY TO GET A GIRL IS TO GET A GIRL.
WE KNOW!
WE KNOW!
WOAH, WOAH, WOAH.
0360%
(LUKE and DARREN head deep into the bar to try out this theory.
Meanwhile, LISA and WAVERLY sit at a table in the bar with a nearly
empty pitcher and a basket of popcorn between them. WAVERLY tosses
popcorn into LISAS mouth.)
LISA
Ready. Aim. Fire.
(WAVERLY throws the popcorn but LISA misses.)
WAVERLY
That was a perfect shot!
LISA
A lemon drop is a perfect shot. That was a disaster. So how are you doing?
WAVERLY
Im half way through the three-month evaluation period.
LISA
And?
WAVERLY
And I cant believe how much I really like this job.
LISA
Lifes funny. So you dont miss auditioning?
WAVERLY
To be honest, I havent auditioned in six months.
LISA
Then why were you afraid to give up something you werent even doing?
WAVERLY
Because Im a good actress.
LISA
So are you gonna take it full-time?
WAVERLY
I wouldnt go that farliking it, and trading in my dreams for it, are two different things.
LISA
And how are you doing with the Darren situation?
0370%
WAVERLY
Im okay.
LISA
You sure?
WAVERLY
It was the right thing to do, but when I have a good day at this new job, hes the first one
I wanna tell, you know? Ready. Aim. Fire.
(Another shot. Another miss.)
WAVERLY
And how about you? You see your sign yet?
LISA
This morning.
WAVERLY
Lisa, you cant move to L.A. Its home to earthquakes. And mudslides. And
Entertainment Tonight.
LISA
I love Entertainment Tonight.
WAVERLY
I know, me too. So tell me about this dream girl.
#8 - Manhattan Bridge
(LISA)
LISA
Its not a dream girl.

WAVERLY
Then its not your sign.
LISA
Like I said, lifes funny.
I CAN STILL REMEMBER
THAT COOL DAY IN SEPTEMBER
MY FIRST TRIP ON THE SUBWAY
ACROSS THE MANHATTAN BRIDGE.
I LOOKED OUTSIDE,
I COULD NOT BELIEVE MY EYES.
THEN I LOOKED AROUND,
AND MUCH TO MY SURPRISE,
0380%
NO ONE ELSE WAS LOOKING

AT THE BRIDGE,
THE STATUE,
THE SKY.
NO ONE ELSE WAS LOOKING,
AND I COULD NOT IMAGINE WHY.
WAVERLY
It happens, Lisa. You get used to things like that here.
LISA
I SAT AND STARED UNBLINKING
THEN GOT AROUND TO THINKING
THAT THESE PEOPLE JUST DONT RECOGNIZE
THE VIEW THEY MISS EACH DAY.
SO I TOOK IT IN
THEN I TOOK IT IN AGAIN.
IT MADE ME SMILE.
I MADE A PROMISE THEN.
THAT THE DAY THAT I STOPPED LOOKING
AT THE WAY
IT ALL SEEMS
TO GLOW,
THE DAY THAT I STOPPED LOOKING,
WAS THE DAY THAT I SHOULD GO.
SO EVERY DAY FROM THAT DAY ON
I TOOK THE TIME TO STOP AND LOOK.
ID WAKE MYSELF UP FROM A NAP.
OR TAKE A SHORT BREAK FROM MY BOOK.
BUT TODAY ON THE SUBWAY,
AFTER FIGHTING FOR MY SEAT.
I STARTED READING AT DEKALB.
AND DIDNT LOOK UP TIL CANAL STREET.
I BLINKED TO CLEAR MY VISION,
THOUGHT BACK ON MY DECISION
TO UP AND LEAVE THE CITY
THE DAY I MISSED THE VIEW.
ITS HARDER NOW
THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN.
DID THE CITY BREAK ME DOWN
OR SIMPLY BREAK ME IN?
TODAYS WHEN I STOPPED LOOKING
AT THIS PLACE
LIKE IT WAS
0390%
ALL NEW.
TODAYS THE DAY THAT I STOPPED LOOKING.
SO NOW WHAT DO I DO?
DO I STAY
OR DO I LEAVE
AND CHANGE UP THE VIEW?
WAVERLY
You stay. She hasnt arrived, so you stay.
LISA
Maybe I dont need someone to whisk me away. Maybe, if I want to go to California to
pursue my music, I can just go.
WAVERLY
So why havent you?
LISA
Because Id really enjoy a good whisking.
WAVERLY
I need more beer. You want another pitcher?
LISA
Please.
(WAVERLY gets up and heads to the bar, where she awkwardly runs into
DARREN.)
#9 - How About You?
(DARREN and WAVERLY)

DARREN
Hey.
WAVERLY
What are you doing here?
DARREN
Beer. Amaretto sour?
WAVERLY
No, thank you.
DARREN
Okay.
0400%
WAVERLY
So, howve you been?
DARREN
Fine. I mean,
IM STILL LOOKING FOR JOBS,
NOT JUST ANY.
OR ELSE ID GET ONE RIGHT AWAY.
AND NOT ONLY ONE,
ID GET MANY.
ID BE HOLDING EMPLOYERS AT BAY.
BUT I NEED A GOOD JOB
WHERE THEY THINK ITS OKAY,
THAT I MIGHT TAKE SOME TIME OFF
TO WORK ON MY PLAY.
AND THAT PITCH TO A JOB,
CAN BE A REALLY HARD SELL.
MY PLAY TAKES UP MY TIME,
WHICH YOU KNOW VERY WELL.
IT CAN BE HARD TO MAKE PRIORITIES FIT.
IF YOU RECALL THAT WAS THE REASON WE SPLIT.
OR WHY YOU LEFT ME REALLY.
LETS NOT GET ALL TOUCHY-FEELY.
LOOK WHERE THIS CONVERSATION VEERED.
LETS NOT DISCUSS OUR OLD RELATIONSHIP
CAUSE THAT MIGHT GET WEIRD.
ANYWAY, ANYWAY, ANYWAY.
HOW ABOUT YOU?
WAVERLY
Good. Glad to hear its going well for you.
DARREN
You seeing anyone?
WAVERLY
Its only been a few weeks.
DARREN
CAUSE IM SEEING SOMEONE.
WELL, NOT SEEING.
JUST SLEEPING WITH HER A LOT.
AND TO BE HONEST I FIND IT QUITE FREEING.
I GET THE MILK AND THE COW IS NOT BOUGHT.
AND SHE CANT GET ENOUGH,
0410%
SHE JUST CLIMBS RIGHT ON TOP.

AND FROM MORNING TO NIGHT
WERE JUST FUCKING NON-STOP.
AND I COULD USE A BREAK,
CAUSE ALL THAT SEX IS ENOUGH,
I WANT TO TALK ABOUT FEELINGS,
CAUSE IM INTO THAT STUFF.
BUT SHED RATHER GET ME NAKED INSTEAD.
AND JUST REMIND ME, IM AMAZING IN BED.
AND THAT I MAKE HER DELIRIOUS.
JUST SO YOU KNOW, WERE NOT SERIOUS.
WE HAVENT SAID OUR, I DOS.
WE CAN STILL SEE OTHER PEOPLE
LIKE AN EX IF WE CHOOSE.
HOW ABOUT YOU?
WAVERLY
IM STILL WORKING.
HAVENT QUIT.
IM STILL SINGLE.
AND THATS IT.
DARREN
SO, ITS AWESOME
WE HAD THIS BRIEF MEETING.
REMINDS ME OF THE FUN THAT WE HAD.
AND ALTHOUGH
IT HAS BEEN A BIT FLEETING.
BEING WITH YOUS NEVER BAD.
IM GONNA GO TO THE BATHROOM
RIGHT THERE DOWN THE HALL.
IF YOU REMEMBER
WE HAD OUR FIRST KISS IN THAT STALL.
AND A STALLS A WEIRD PLACE TO BE KISSED.
BUT SOMETHING CLICKED
AND WE COULDNT RESIST.
SO ILL BE IN THE ONE TOWARDS THE BACK.
AND ILL LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN A CRACK.
NOT TO BE WEIRD, BUT JUST STATING,
THAT THAT IS WHERE I WILL BE WAITING.
SO YOU DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO.
IF NOT TONIGHT, THEN NOT TONIGHT,
BUT ILL BE WAITNG
0420%

HOW ABOUT YOU?
(DARREN exits to the mens room.)
(LUKE approaches WAVERLY.)
LUKE
So, did that guy make you a better offer than I did?
WAVERLY
Hardly.
LUKE
You still have that boyfriend?
WAVERLY
Not anymore.
LUKE
Can I buy you a drink?
WAVERLY
Let me ask you a question. If you could choose one thing to eat for the rest of your life
peanuts or pretzelswhich would it be?
LUKE
Why do I have to choose only one?
WAVERLY
Right answer. Lets go.
(WAVERLY begins to drag LUKE out of the bar. As THEY head out she
swings by LISA.)
WAVERLY
Im gonna go home with this guy.
LISA
Right on.
WAVERLY
If you see Darren, make sure he knows that.
LISA
I dont know
0430%
(WAVERLY and LUKE are gone.)

Ill do what I can.
(DARREN returns from the bathroom.)
DARREN
Waverly, that stall was busy, so Ill be in the
(DARREN runs into LISA as she heads to the bar to serve herself drinks.)
DARREN
Oh, hey. How are you doin?
LISA
Good.
DARREN
Did you see where Waverly went?
LISA
Waverly?
DARREN
Waverly.
LISA
Waverly
DARREN
Blonde girl. About yay high. Currently experiencing an existential crisis.
LISA
Darrenshe left.
DARREN
Alone?
LISA
I dont think so.
DARREN
Right.
LISA
You want a drink?
0440%
DARREN
Whats the strongest thing you got?
LISA
Ive got something that will put some hair on your chest. Finally.
(LISA pours DARREN a whiskey.)
DARREN
Hows she doing?
LISA
Shes okay.
DARREN
So this guy, is he a, you knowshould I call her?
LISA
Id let her figure this out. If she comes back, you know its for real. And if she doesnt,
then its probably a sign.
DARREN
What if there are no signs? What if we dont go after what we want and hold on to what
we love, then we end up despondent, defeated and alone?
LISA
Then, Im fucked.
DARREN
Okay, heres the drinking game. Every time you regret something, you take a shot.
LISA
Hows whiskey?
(LISA pours two shots of whiskey.)
DARREN
Ill start. Not reading Catcher In the Rye in high school.
(DARREN slams his shot of whiskey.)
LISA
Quitting piano lessons.
(LISA slams her shot and pours two more.)
0450%
DARREN
Second semester, sophomore year of college.
LISA
What about it?
DARREN
The parts I dont remember.
(DARREN slams his shot.)
LISA
Waiting until I was twenty-four to come out of the closet.
(LISA slams her shot and pours two more.)
DARREN
Not telling Waverly I loved her more often.
(DARREN slams his shot.)
LISA
Oh, shit just got real. So lifes just a bunch of regrets, huh?
DARREN
At least having regrets means you chose something.
LISA
Gives you something to drink over.
(LISA fills up Darrens glass.)
DARREN
Lisa, do you ever wonder what would have happened if we stayed together?
LISA
A lot.
DARREN
Me too.
LISA
Its my recurring nightmare.
0460%
DARREN
It wouldnt have been that bad.
LISA
Im a lesbian!
DARREN
Im understanding!
LISA
All right, I have one more.
DARREN
Shoot.
LISA
Playing this game with you.
DARREN
Its gonna be a long night.
LISA
That it is, my friend. That it is.
(They cheers and shoot.)
(Blackout.)
0470%
SCENE 7: Outside Waverlys Apartment

(LUKE and WAVERLY come up the stairs laughing and enjoying each
other. Both are out of breath.)
LUKE
Hold on, I need a break. If I had known you lived on the fifth floor, I wouldve gone
home with someone else.
(LUKE pulls out a cigarette and puts it in his mouth.)
WAVERLY
Lets go inside.
LUKE
Its only eleven oclock. Dont you want to stay out a little longer?
WAVERLY
Have you not done this before?
LUKE
Not this quickly.
WAVERLY
When I know what I want, I go for it.
(Just as LUKE is lighting the cigarette, she pulls it out of his hands and
crushes it.)
WAVERLY
So, do you want to stand out here and talk about our feelings? Or do you want to head
inside?
LUKE
I want to head inside, but youre sorta weirding me out. Usually, Im trying to get the girl
to go home with me, and she wants to find out who I am and how I tick.
WAVERLY
Now you can skip that.
#10 - Dont Say Another Word
LUKE
Dont you want to know anything about me?
(WAVERLY)
0480%
WAVERLY
Nothing.
LUKE
Not one little thing?
WAVERLY
Im upset I even know your name. Lets go.
LUKE
Youre a very confusing woman. And I feel like I have a pretty good grasp on women,
but this is unlike anything
WAVERLY
YOUVE GOT THAT QUIRKY SMILE.
YOUVE GOT THAT CHARMING STARE.
YOUVE GOT THAT WAY YOU TALK
SAYS YOU COULD BE FROM ANYWHERE.
NO, I DONT KNOW
EXACTLY WHERE YOUVE BEEN.
I DONT KNOW ANY DETAILS,
SO IM FILLING THEM ALL IN.
DONT SAY ANOTHER WORD.
DONT RUIN THE SURPRISE.
I DONT WANT TO KNOW THE SECRETS
THAT ARE LYING IN YOUR EYES.
I DONT NEED TO SEE THE ANSWERS.
I PREFER MY VISION BLURRED.
DONT MOVE.
DONT SPEAK.
DONT BREATHE.
LUKE
Theres gotta be one thing you want to know about me. I ran the 600-meter dash in high
school. County Champ. Beat Brad Anderson.
WAVERLY
YOU THINK IM INSINCERE.
I HAVE A GUARDED HEART.
YOU THINK THE THINGS YOU WANT
BUT JUST DONT RUSH THE GREATEST PART.
AND, I KNOW
EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL.
BUT SOMETIMES WHAT YOU IMAGINE
0490%
CAN BE BETTER THAN WHATS REAL.

JUST LET ME TAKE YOU IN.
WELL HAVE TO FINISH SOMETIME,
WE GET ONE CHANCE TO BEGIN.
FIND BEAUTY IN THE SILENCE
AND ALTHOUGH IT SOUNDS ABSURD,
DONT MOVE.
DONT SPEAK.
DONT BREATHE.
RIGHT NOW.
RIGHT HERE.
THERES JUST THIS MOMENT
BETWEEN YOU AND ME.
NO PAST.
NO FEAR.
THIS CAN BE
WHAT WE WANT IT TO BE.
DONT WHISPER IN MY EAR.
DONT TRY TO MAKE UP SOMETHING
THAT YOU THINK I WANNA HEAR.
CAUSE IVE HEARD IT ALL BEFORE
AND I WAS HURT BY WHAT I HEARD.
DONT MOVE.
DONT SPEAK.
DONT BREATHE.
DONT WHISPER IN MY EAR.
DONT TRY TO MAKE UP SOMETHING
THAT YOU THINK I WANNA HEAR.
CAUSE IVE HEARD IT ALL BEFORE
AND I WAS HURT BY WHAT I HEARD.
DONT MOVE.
DONT SPEAK.
DONT BREATHE.
0500%

(WAVERLY and LUKE kiss. SHE takes his hand and pulls him inside.)
(Blackout)
0510%
SCENE 8: Various Locations Around New York City

#11 - Were Gonna Go Out Reprise
(DARREN)
DARREN
IM GONNA PASS OUT.

IM GONNA TURN IN
AND CHALK THE WHOLE THING UP TO FODDER.
I WOULD KILL MY OWN SWEET MOTHER
FOR A FUCKING GLASS OF WATER.
CALL IT BAD. CALL IT DUMB.
CALL IT WORTHY OF REGRET.
YOU CANT REGRET WHAT YOU FORGET.
IM GONNA PASS OUT.
#12 - Hungover
(ENSEMBLE)
DARREN
I WAKE UP,
RUB THE SLEEP FROM MY EYES.
LOOK AROUND,
AND THEN I REALIZE
THAT I DONT KNOW WHERE I AM,
OR EVEN HOW I GOT HERE.
LISA
I WAKE UP
AND MY LIVERS FEELING SORE.
MY SHIRTS ON,
BUT MY PANTS ARE ON THE FLOOR.
AND MY SOCKS ARE ON THE BED,
BUT I STILL HAVE MY SHOES ON.
DARREN
MY HEAD THROBS.
MY STOMACH TURNS.
LISA
MY LEGS ACHE.
AND MY LEFT EYE BURNS.
DARREN
THERES NO WAY I DID THIS DAMAGE IN JUST ONE NIGHT.
0520%
LISA
ITS NOT FROM DRINKING TEN BEERS,
BUT DRINKING STRAIGHT FOR TEN YEARS.
DARREN AND LISA
IM HUNGOVER.
HUNGOVER.
IM HUNGOVER.
HUNGOVER FROM MY 20S.
WAVERLY
I WAKE UP.
THERES A FIRE IN MY HEAD.
RISE AND SHINE.
OH MY GOD, HES IN MY BED.
I WOULD SNEAK OUT IF I COULD,
BUT IM IN MY OWN APARTMENT.
LUKE
I WAKE UP,
AND THE ROOMS IN A SPIN.
BETTER STILL.
I DONT KNOW THE ROOM IM IN,
IVE NOT SEEN THIS ONE BEFORE.
HEY, ITS A PRETTY NICE APARTMENT.
SHOULD I STAY
OR SHOULD I BOOK?
WAVERY
SHOULD WE KISS?
LUKE
SHOULD I COOK?
THIS FEELINGS TOO FAMILIAR.
SOMEHOW, IM HERE AGAIN.
WAVERLY
I FEEL BORED. I FEEL COLD.
THIS GAME IS GETTING REAL OLD.
LUKE AND WAVERLY
IM HUNGOVER.
HUNGOVER.
IM HUNGOVER.
0530%
DARREN
IM FEELING KINDA FAINT. AND MY HEADACHE KINDA GROWS.
AND IM GETTING KINDA SICK AND THATS THE WARNING.
AND I WONDER WHICH IS WORSE,
THAT ITS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW,
OR THAT ITS A TYPICAL SUNDAY MORNING?
A YEAR AGO
ID DO THIS AND FEEL FINE.
NOW MY BODYS SLOW.
IS THIS A SIGN?
LISA
ITS A SIGN.
LUKE
ITS A SIGN.
WAVERLY
ITS A SIGN.
DARREN
ITS A MISERABLE NAUSEATING SIGN.
ALL
IM HUNGOVER.
HUNGOVER.
IM HUNGOVER.
HUNGOVER.
HUNGOVER.
IM HUNGOVER.
(Blackout)
0540%
SCENE 9: The Sullivan Street Tavern

LISA
You are so terrible at this.
WAVERLY
I am not.
LISA
We could do this with darts and I wouldnt be concerned. So how are things with Mr. No
Strings Attached?
WAVERLY
Really great. Except every night he wants to stay up and tell me about himself.
LISA
Every night? How much time are you spending with him?
WAVERLY
Every night! And its goodhes nothing like Darren. Doesnt want to settle down, and
we just have fun.
LISA
Then the night comes.
WAVERLY
And he tells me every detail of his life since birth.
LISA
Hes an emotional werewolf.
WAVERLY
Hes an emotional werewolf.
(LUKE enters.)
LISA
Im going to grab something to eat. You guys want anything? Pizza? Falafel? Human
flesh?
LUKE
Whats she talking about?
WAVERLY
I have no idea.
0550%
(LISA exits howling.)

LUKE
I just remembered the funniest story about this fishing trip I took with my dad when I was
twelve.
WAVERLY
Oh, good.
LUKE
Ill tell you about it tonight.
WAVERLY
Can we pause the official autobiography of Luke Phillips for a moment?
LUKE
I just find this so cleansing.
WAVERLY
Im glad.
LUKE
Whats wrong?
WAVERLY
Nothing.
LUKE
Whats up?
WAVERLY
Todays the day.
LUKE
The day.
WAVERLY
Yes.
LUKE
Yes. The day.
WAVERLY
What do you think?
0560%
LUKE
Hm?
WAVERLY
Should I do it or not?
LUKE
I think you should do whatever you want.
WAVERLY
But what do you think I should do?
LUKE
I think you shouldnt do it.
WAVERLY
Which one?
LUKE
It.
WAVERLY
What?
LUKE
The thing.
WAVERLY
Which thing?
LUKE
The thing you were just talking about.
WAVERLY
You have no idea what Im asking you, do you?
LUKE
No.
WAVERLY
Todays the day I have to decide to accept the position at my job or not.
LUKE
Oh.
0570%
WAVERLY
They offered it to me. Full time.
LUKE
So what do you want?
WAVERLY
I have no idea.
LUKE
You know what I do when I have a tough decision?
WAVERLY
What?
LUKE
Flip a coin.
WAVERLY
Really?
LUKE
Sure. Lifes random anyway, might as well be a partner to the whole thing.
(Silence.)
LUKE
What?
WAVERLY
I thought you meant something else. Im going to go get more pineapple juice.
LUKE
Call Lisa, shell get it.
WAVERLY
Thats okay. Ill be right back.
LUKE
Waverly.
WAVERLY
Yeah.
LUKE
Did you notice something different about me?
0580%
WAVERLY
New shirt?
LUKE
I quit smoking.
WAVERLY
What?
LUKE
I quit smoking. Mostly.
WAVERLY
Why?
LUKE
The other day, you said, I could never seriously date someone who smoked.
WAVERLY
And?
LUKE
And, so I quit smoking.
WAVERLY
Mostly.
LUKE
Mostly.
WAVERLY
And you think that means were going to start seriously dating?
LUKE
No, no, no. I just wanted you to know I quit.
WAVERLY
You know I dont want a serious relationship right now, Luke.
LUKE
But if you wanted to start seriously, one day, it wouldnt be a thing for us.
WAVERLY
For us?
0590%
LUKE
Smokings a thing you do when youre younglike a lot of the other things I did when I
was youngand maybe its time to be less young, you know. For us.
WAVERLY
Dont quit for me. And if you ever want to be us its gonna have to be a lot more than
mostly.
LUKE
Im workin on it.
WAVERLY
Keep workin. Ill be right back.
(WAVERLY heads out. LUKE pulls out a pack of cigarettes, places them
on the bar and stares at them.)
#13 - And I Breathe
LUKE
SO, I PROMISED HER ID QUIT,
YEAH, THIS TIME FOR REAL.
SHE DIDNT MAKE ME. I JUST OFFERED.
HEY, ITS NO BIG DEAL.
SO THATS IT. IM DONE.
NO TURNING BACK.
BUT I REALLY SHOULD
FINISH UP THIS PACK.
I COULD QUIT IF I WANT.
THATS WHAT ITS REALLY ABOUT.
SO TAKE THE CELLOPHANE OFF
AND PULL THAT CIGARETTE OUT.
AND I BREATHE.
AND I HOLD IT IN
TIL I FEEL THAT TINGLE
NEATH MY SKIN.
AND I HAVE TO SMOKE IT NOW
BECAUSE ITS LIT.
THEN I PUT IT OUT.
IM DONE.
IM GOOD.
I QUIT.
SO, I DONT SMOKE FOR A WHILE.
YEAH, THATS GOOD FOR ME.
(LUKE)
0600%
THEN I START TO BITE MY NAILS

AND LIGHTLY BOUNCE MY KNEE.
I MEAN, I SMOKED FOR TEN
WHOLE YEARS BEFORE.
WOULD IT KILL ME
TO HAVE ONLY JUST ONE MORE?
SO ILL HAVE ANOTHER
THEN I SWEAR THATS IT.
I GET MY CIGARETTE OUT
AND MY LIGHTER LIT.
AND I BREATHE.
AND MY VISION CLEARS.
AND THAT ITCH INSIDE HERE
DISAPPEARS.
AND I HAVE TO SMOKE IT ALL,
ITS MY LAST ONE.
THEN I PUT IT OUT.
I QUIT.
IM GOOD.
IM DONE.
IM GONNA QUIT.
THATS FOR SURE.
IM GONNA QUIT
BECAUSE OF HER.
IM GONNA QUIT.
IT WONT BE HARD.
ILL THROW THIS PACK OUT IN THE YARD
RIGHT AFTER I HAVE ANOTHER.
AND MAYBE ONE MORE ON SECOND THOUGHT.
OH, MAN,
IM GONNA MISS THIS A LOT.
AND HOW DARE SHE CLAIM
ITS NOT HER IM QUITTING FOR?
ITS FOR US.
HOW CAN THAT BE?
ITS FOR US?
WELL, ITS NOT FOR ME.
SO, ILL HAVE ONE MORE.
JUST ONE MORE.
BUT ONE MORE
IS ONE MORE
AND ONE MORE
AND MORE AND MORE
0610%
AND MORE AND MORE.

SO, IVE GOTTA LET EM GO.
MAN, ILL REALLY MISS YOU GUYS.
BUT THERES ONE THING THAT I KNOW
I CANT GO HOME AND SEE THOSE EYES.
WHEN SHE JUST BREATHES.
JUST A LITTLE SIGH.
THAT IS ALL I NEED
TO WONDER WHY
I COULDNT UP QUIT
A DAY AGO.
I DIDNT THINK ID STILL BE SMOKING
WHEN I WAS TWENTY-EIGHT YEARS OLD.
BUT ITS AMAZING HOW THESE
TINY LITTLE BASTARDS TAKE THEIR HOLD.
AND WHY CANT MY GOD DAMN BODY
JUST DO WHAT ITS FRICKING TOLD?
SO THE NEXT TIME
THAT I FEEL THE ITCH,
AND MY PINKIE FINGER
STARTS TO TWITCH,
AND THAT FEELING STARTS
TO ROLL AT ME
LIKE A GIANT FUCKING BUS,
ILL JUST BREATHE.
NOT FOR HER.
NOT FOR ME.
BUT FOR US.
(WAVERLY enters with pineapple juice.)
WAVERLY
Thanks for holding down the fort.
LUKE
You got it.
(WAVERLY walks by LUKE and kisses him.)
WAVERLY
Were you smoking?
0620%
LUKE
No. Not a lot.
WAVERLY
Back to being young again. Oh, well.
LUKE
Do you even want me to quit?
WAVERLY
Of course I do.
LUKE
Then Ill quit.
WAVERLY
But not for me.
LUKE
You know what I think?
WAVERLY
What?
LUKE
I think youre doing this on purpose.
WAVERLY
You do.
LUKE
Ive learned a lot in the past six weeks, and I think you made this smoking declaration
because you know Im physically addicted to it. You dont think Ill ever quit and if I
dont quit, you wont have to commit to something.
WAVERLY
Thats ridiculous.
LUKE
And its the same with me, and whatever your old boyfriends name was and this new job
and bartending and acting. You make up these rules and maxims to keep you from having
to commit to something, because that means you dont get to be a kid anymore and live in
your perfect bubble of infinite possibilities.
WAVERLY
That was very insightful, Luke.
0630%
LUKE
Thank you.
WAVERLY
Now leave.
LUKE
So its true, huh?
WAVERLY
Time for you to go.
LUKE
You can kick me out but it wont be the end of this, Waverly.
WAVERLY
Yes, it will, Darren.
#14 - If She Were Coming Home
(DARREN)
LUKE
What?
WAVERLY
Just go.
(LUKE leaves the bar. WAVERLY pours herself a whiskey and conjures
DARREN in his apartment, alone, also drinking.)
DARREN
IF SHE WERE COMING HOME,
I WOULDNT HAVE ANOTHER DRINK.
IF SHE WERE COMING HOME,
ID DO THE DISHES PILED IN MY SINK,
AND ID HANG UP ALL MY SHIRTS,
AND PICK MY DIRTY SOCKS UP OFF THE FLOOR.
BUT SHES NOT COMING HOME
ANYMORE.
IF SHE WERE COMING BACK,
I WOULD TIDY UP THE PLACE.
IF SHE WERE COMING BACK,
THERES A CHANCE I MIGHT EVEN SHAVE MY FACE.
AND ID THROW ON THAT COLOGNE
SHE GAVE ME AT CHRISTMAS TIME LAST YEAR.
0640%
BUT SHES NOT COMING BACK.

NOT HERE.
IT ISNT LIKE I NEED A WOMAN
TO MAKE ME DO EVERY SINGLE CHORE
I JUST NEED SOMEONE
TO DO ALL THOSE LITTLE THINGS FOR.
IF SHE WERE ON HER WAY,
ID POP THAT CHAMPAGNE WE HAVE ON ICE.
IF SHE WERE ON HER WAY,
ID GET OUR KITCHEN TABLE LOOKING NICE.
AND ID MAKE HER FAVORITE MEAL
OR WHATEVER IT WOULD TAKE TO MAKE HER STAY.
BUT SHES NOT COMING HOME.
AND SHES NOT COMING BACK.
AND SHES NOT ON HER WAY.
#15 I Wish There Were A Reason
WAVERLY
I WISH THERE WERE A REASON.
I WISH I COULD SAY WHY.
I WISH THAT HE HAD CHEATED
OR HADNT BEEN SUPPORTIVE
OR ID CAUGHT HIM IN A LIE.
BUT THERE WASNT A REASON
AT LEAST NOT THAT I RECALL
SO I STAND HERE
ALL ALONE
FOR NO GOOD REASON AT ALL.
AND I
DONT IMAGINE HES PERFECT.
AND I
STILL REMEMBER THE WAY HE CAN BE
IM JUST LOOKING FOR THE PART
THAT CAUSED THIS ACHING, LONELY HEART
AND MAYBE THE REASON IS ME.
I WISH I COULD EXPLAIN THIS
I WISH I ONLY KNEW
HOW LOVE THAT WAS IMPASSIONED
COULD QUICKLY COME UNRAVELED
AND THERES NOTHING YOU CAN DO.
(WAVERLY)
0650%
I WISH I HAD AN ANSWER

SOMEWHERE TO GO.
SOMETHING TO SAY.
MAYBE I WILL,
BUT NOT TODAY.
DARREN
AND SHES NOT COMING HOME
WAVERLY
THERES NO REASON.
DARREN
AND SHES NOT COMING BACK
WAVERLY
EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED
DARREN
AND SHES NOT ON HER WAY.
WAVERLY
I WANT IT ALL TO STAY.
(DARREN disappears. WAVERLY in sitting at the bar, crying into her
whiskey. LISA enters.)
LISA
Woah, woah, woah. Whats wrong?
WAVERLY
There are signs everywhere, and theyre all pointing in different directions. Its like when
we got stuck in that traffic circle upstate for half an hour.
LISA
And we got out of that, didnt we?
WAVERLY
When you wrenched the wheel from me, almost careening us into the Hudson.
LISA
But we got there. So heres another wheel wrenchcome to California with me.
WAVERLY
When?
0660%
LISA
I wasnt getting something to eat, I was making a call to settle on an apartment. Im
leaving Saturday.
WAVERLY
What?
LISA
I didnt want to tell you until I was certain because I knew youd talk me out of it. Its
time for me to go.
WAVERLY
Even though she hasnt arrived?
LISA
Because she hasnt arrived.
WAVERLY
But what about the whisking?
LISA
I cant hold up my life waiting for someone, when everything else is telling me to move
on. It was my plan to come here, meet someone and go to California together. So instead
of heading off into the sunset with the woman of my dreams, Ill settle on my best friend.
WAVERLY
Im just so confused.
LISA
Greater decisions were made my lesser people.
WAVERLY
And that makes it worse. Its the first time in my life when the path isnt clearand I
cant make a choice.
LISA
You straight people sure wallow is self-pity a lot.
WAVERLY
Im jealous of you sometimes.
LISA
Me?
0670%
WAVERLY
You get to have a day where you say to the world, this is who I am. Its not who you
thought I was, but Im proud of it. And then we all hug and cheer and eat cake.
LISA
Youre jealous Im a lesbian. That I got to spend my entire adolescence filled with
crushing self-doubt and was forced to admit to everyone who I was as if it was some sin
to be confessedyoure jealous of that.
WAVERLY
Yes?
LISA
Thats it. Comfort time is over. You need to hear the hard stuff.
WAVERLY
I dont wanna hear the hard stuff.
#16 - You Cant Be Everything You Want
LISA
I KNOW WHAT YOU WANNA HEAR.
I KNOW WHAT YOU WANT ME TO SAY.
THERES CONVERSATIONS LIKE OURS
IN ALL NEW YORK BARS
EVERY DAY.
AND EVERYONES GOT THE SAME ATTITUDE;
SHARE AN EMPTY CLICH OR AN OVERUSED PLATITUDE.
BUT YOU CAUGHT ME IN THE RIGHT MOOD.
SO AT THE RISK OF SOUNDING RUDE
THERE ARENT PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA.
YOU CAN TAKE IT FROM ME,
THEYRE ENDANGERED SPECIES.
AND I DONT SEE A GREAT FISHERMAN HERE.
LOOK AT THE GIRL IN THE MIRROR,
AND TELL ME WHAT SHE SEES.
SHES SEEING THE FACE
OF SOMEONE RUNNING IN PLACE.
MY FRIEND, CANT YOU SEE?
YOU CANT BE EVERYTHING YOU WANT.
YOUR LIFE WONT ALWAYS WORK OUT FOR THE BEST,
EVERY TRIALS NOT A TEST,
NOR EACH LOSS A LESSON.
(LISA)
0680%
DONT BUY THE STUFF BOUT THAT HALFWAY FILLED CUP

LIFE WILL CARVE YOU RIGHT UP
LIKE A DELICATESSEN.
SO STOP REPEATING THE LINE
THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE
COME ON, LISTEN TO ME.
YOU CANT BE EVERYTHING YOU WANT.
WHEN YOU DREAM YOU CAN BE ANYTHING.
BUT YOU CAN DREAM WITHOUT EVEN SHOWING UP.
SO STOP DREAMING AND BE SOMETHING
CAUSE HEY,
THATS GROWING UP.
DONT THINK IM TELLING YOU WHAT YOU SHOULD DO
CAUSE ITS ALL UP TO YOU.
THIS IS YOUR DECISION.
YOU PICK A PATH, THEN THE OTHER ONES GONE
BUT YOU GET TO MOVE ON.
WITH A CLEARER VISION.
WEVE BEEN WANDERING FOR YEARS
BUT NOW WERE FACING OUR FEARS
AND FINALLY MOVING ALONG.
ME, IM HEADIN TO CALIFORNIA.
YOU, DONT SAY THAT I DIDNT WARN YA.
YOU CHOOSE THINGS EVEN BY NOT CHOOSING.
HEY, ITS ONLY YOUR LIFE YOURE LOSING.
MAKE A CHOICE.
DONT LOOK BACK
THEN YOURE FREE
TO BE ANYTHING YOU WANT.
DA, DA, MM DA
BA, DA, DA
BA, DA, BA
DA, BA, DA
BA, DA, BA,
DA, BA, DA,
DA, DA.
#17 Next Thing You Know
(WAVERLY and LISA)

WAVERLY
0690%
WHEN I FIRST CAME HERE

I HAD PLANS AND WAS INSPIRED.
GET A PLACE WITH YOU
AN ODD JOB OR TWO,
TIL MY ACTING GOT ME HIRED.
ID GO OUT EVERY NIGHT
TO SHARE AN EVENING WITH A FRIEND.
NAVE OR NOT,
I NEVER THOUGHT
THOSE DAYS WOULD EVER END.
NEXT THING YOU KNOW.
(Meanwhile, on the other side of the stage we see LUKE and DARREN in
their office.)
LUKES COMPUTER
Dude.
DARRENS COMPUTER
Dude.
LUKES COMPUTER
Im not sure what to do about my lady.
DARRENS COMPUTER
Which one?
LUKES COMPUTER
I only have one.
DARRENS COMPUTER
Thats very Pat Boone of you.
(Back at the bar.)
WAVERLY
NEXT THING YOU KNOW
I STOPPED PURSUING WHAT I WANTED
AND INSTEAD CHOSE SOMETHING STABLE
JUST A LITTLE COMPROMISE.
NEXT THING YOU KNOW
I FOUND MY DREAMS WERE ALL A MEMORY
AND THE LIFE THAT I WAS LIVING WAS A CONSOLATION PRIZE.
0700%
LISA
BUT NO, NO, NO,
DONT LET THAT THOUGHT INSIDE YOUR MIND.
IF YOUR DREAMS WERE SO IMPORTANT
YOU WOULDNT LEAVE THEM ALL BEHIND.
WAVERLY
AND OH, OH, OH
I LIKE THIS LIFE, AND THOUGH ITS STRANGE,
SOMETIMES YOUR DREAMS ARE MEANT TO CHANGE.
LISA
SOMETIMES YOUR DREAMS ARE MEANT TO CHANGE.
LISA AND WAVERLY
(Back at Creative 360.)
LUKES COMPUTER
She says she wants me to grow up a bit, but not too much, that would freak her out.
DARRENS COMPUTER
Sounds like someone I know.
LUKES COMPUTER
Actually, she was one of the girls you hit on at the bar a few weeks ago.
DARRENS COMPUTER
Whats her name?
LUKES COMPUTER
Waverly.
DARREN
What?
LUKES COMPUTER
Waverly.
(DARREN gets up in shock, puts on his coat, and starts to leave.)
(Back at the bar.)
LISA
AND IT ISNT HOW YOU PLANNED IT.
0710%
AND IT ISNT HOW YOU DREAMED.

BUT COULD IT BE THE LIFE YOU NEVER THOUGHT YOUD WANT
IS EVEN BETTER THAN IT SEEMED?
(Back at Creative 360.)
LUKE
Hey, where you going? I thought we were meeting my dad tonight.
DARREN
Some other time, Luke.
LUKE
It took me a long time to set this up.
DARREN
Im sorry.
LUKE
Wait, what do you think I should do about this girl?
DARREN
Ithink you should be who you are. If she wants you, she wants you; and if she wants
someone else, maybe its a sign. Just tell her what you feel andsee how it works out.
LUKE
Thats good advice, Temp. Thanks.
(DARREN walks outconfused.)
(LUKE watches him go, and thinks about what he said. HE grabs his coat
and heads out the door.)
(Back at the little bar on Sullivan Street.)
WAVERLY
NO, IT ISNT HOW I PLANNED IT,
ITS NOT THE LIFE I THOUGHT ID CHOOSE.
BUT COULD IT BE, THE THINGS I NEVER THOUGHT ID WANT
ARE NOW THE THINGS IM SCARED TO LOSE?
LISA
SO HOLD ON.
WAVERLY
HOLD OUT.
0720%
LISA
ITS OKAY.
WAVERLY
ITS NOT THE LIFE I PLANNED ON.
BUT I LIKE IT ANYWAY,
NEXT THING YOU KNOW
I GET A SIGN MY LIFE IS CHANGING
AND THAT NOTHING LASTS FOREVER
SO I TRY TO SHUT IT OUT
NEXT THING YOU KNOW
LISA
NEXT THING YOU KNOW
YOU LEARN THAT RUNNING GETS YOU NOWHERE
UNLESS A CHOOSE A PATH TO RUN DOWN
MAYBE THATS WHAT LIFES ABOUT.
WAVERLY
AND NO, NO, NO
THIS DOESNT MEAN I HAVE REGRET
WHEN MY FUTURE CAME A CALLIN
I JUST WASNT READY YET.
LISA
AND OH, OH, OH
YOU GOTTA LOOK AT WHAT YOU GOT.
WAVERLY
SEE IF YOU WANT THAT LIFE OR NOT.
LISA
YOU MAKE A CHOICE AND TAKE A SHOT.
(WAVERLY goes behind the bar and pulls a quarter from the tips jar. She
begins to flip it in the air.)
LISA
WAVERLY
0730%
LISA
WAVERLY
LISA
WAVERLY
LISA
WAVERLY
LISA
WAVERLY
LISA
WAVERLY
LISA AND WAVERLY
(After one final flip, she tosses the quarter into the air and slams it down
onto the top of the bar. She holds it there.)
(As WAVERLY lifts her hand to see the result, LUKE enters.)
WAVERLY
Luke.
LUKE
Ive been giving it some thought.
0740%
WAVERLY
Okay.
LUKE
I am who I am, and Im not changing for anyone.
WAVERLY
You dont need to.
LUKE
Good.
WAVERLY
I dont think we should do this anymore.
LUKE
What?
WAVERLY
You were right. I was dating you because I wanted to stay young forever. I dont think I
should stay young forever.
LUKE
Are you nuts? Ive opened up to you like Ive never opened up to anyone in my life.
WAVERLY
I like you a lot, Luke. But
LUKE
Is there another guy?
WAVERLY
Its more complicated than that.
(DARREN enters.)
LUKE
Its only complicated because youre being a complete lunatic.
DARREN
Dont talk to her like that.
LUKE
Temp, what are you doing here?
0750%
DARREN
My names Darren, and Im here to tell you to stop talking to her like that.
LUKE
Youre the guy.
(Dead silence.)
LUKE
I guess it couldve been worse. But man, good luck with her. Shes cuh-ray-zeeeeeee.
(LUKE goes to leave.)
DARREN
Luke!
LUKE
Yeah.
(DARREN walks up to LUKE and grabs him by the shirt.)
DARREN
Dont you ever call her that again.
LUKE
What? Crazy? Bonkers? Nutso?
DARRN
Watch it.
LUKE
Cuckoo. Schitzo. Whacky time!
DARREN
Get outta here! If I ever see you in here again, Ill throw you in the dumpster with the left
over bar food. And trust me, you dont want that. The food heres terrible.
LUKE
You must not want that agent after all.
DARREN
I want something better.
(LUKE leaves.)
0760%
WAVERLY
Darren, what are you doing here?
DARREN
Well, I didnt come here to get in a bar fight, but that seemed necessary.
WAVERLY
You know him?
DARREN
We work together. Tomorrows gonna be awkward.
LISA
Im going to leave you two alone. Lets meet up later tonight though.
(aside to Waverly)
I guess the quarter chose Darren?
WAVERLY
No. I did.
(LISA exits.)
#18 - All That I Want Is You
(DARREN and WAVERLY)

DARREN
Waverly, I want to be with you.

WAVERLY
Im taking the job. Full-time.
DARREN
Okay.
WAVERLY
Are you sure you want to be with a working stiff with some stupid job?
DARREN
ALL I WANTED
WAS WRITING
TO START OFF MY DAYS.
AND THEN LUNCH WITH MY AGENT
WHO PITCHES AND PAYS.
IN THE EVENING, ID DROP IN ON ONE OF MY PLAYS.
AND THE NEXT DAY START IT ALL AGAIN.
WE WOULD MOVE TO
0770%
A BROWNSTONE,
THE DOOR PAINTED WHITE,
WHERE WED LIVE LIKE THE COSBYS,
OUR KIDS WOULD BE BRIGHT.
WED ALL GATHER FOR BOARD GAMES
ON SATURDAY NIGHT.
BUT THE CHILDREN ARE TUCKED IN BY TEN.
I FIGURED OUT ALL OF THE DETAILS THAT MATTERED.
NEXT THING YOU KNOW,
THAT PERFECT PICTURE WAS SHATTERED.
ALL I WANTED
WAS MY NAME UPON A MARQUEE,
AND A QUAINT POST-WAR WALKUP
TWO BLOCKS FROM THE D.
ALL THE THINGS THAT I WANTED,
I WANTED FOR ME.
AND I NEVER QUESTIONED WHY. JUST WHEN.
YOU CAN DESIGN A PERFECT PICTURE TO GUIDE YOU.
WAVERLY
YOU LEARN ITS WHOS THERE BESIDE YOU.
ALL I WANTED
WERE PASSIONS AND DREAMS
TO PURSUE.
SO THE MOMENT I WOKE UP
ID KNOW WHAT TO DO.
DARREN AND WAVERLY
NOW THERES ONE THING I NEED FOR MY DREAMS TO COME TRUE.
NOW THE ONLY THING I WANT
NOW AT LAST YOURE BACK AGAIN.
ALL THAT I WANT IS YOU.
(LUKE enters. HES not in the bar, but his own world.)
#19 - Next Thing You Know Finale
(ENSEMBLE)
0780%
LUKE
NEXT THING YOU KNOW
YOU FIND YOURE RUNNING ROUND IN CIRCLES
AND ALTHOUGH YOURE SORTA TIRED
YOURE NOT PREPARED TO STRAIGHTEN OUT.
NEXT THING YOU KNOW
(LISA enters, also in her own world.)
LISA
NEXT THING YOU KNOW
YOU NEED A SUBTLE CHANGE OF SCENERY.
SO YOU PACK UP YOUR BELONGINGS
AND YOU PLAN A DIFFERENT ROUTE.
DARREN
AND NO, NO, NO
THIS DOESNT MEAN YOUR JOURNEYS DONE.
IT JUST MEANS A CHAPTERS ENDED
AND A NEW ONE HAS BEGUN.
WAVERLY
AND OH, OH, OH
NOTHINGS EVER MEANT TO STAY.
SOME CHANCES SLIP AND GO AWAY.
ENSEMBLE
WHICH ONES, ARE LEFT FOR YOU TO SAY.
NEXT THING YOU KNOW
WAVERLY
AND IT ISNT HOW YOU PLANNED IT.
AND IT ISNT HOW YOU DREAMED.
BUT COULD IT BE THE LIFE YOU NEVER THOUGHT YOUD WANT
IS EVEN BETTER THAN IT SEEMED?
DARREN
SO HOLD ON.
LUKE
HOLD OUT.
LISA
ITS OKAY.
0790%
DARREN
ITS NOT THE LIFE YOU PLANNED ON.
WAVERLY
BUT YOU LIKE IT ANYWAY.
ENSEMBLE
LUKE
YOU THINK YOUVE FOUND THAT PERFECT PERSON
BUT SHE FEELS A LITTLE DIFFERENT
SO YOU START THE SEARCH AGAIN.
DARREN
NEXT THING YOU KNOW
YOU LEARN YOUR PERFECT WEEKEND EVENING
ISNT SPENT UPON A BAR STOOL
BUT TUCKED IN WITH HER BY TEN.
LISA
BUT NO, NO, NO
THAT DOESNT MEAN YOUVE GOT IT MADE
IT JUST MEANS YOU FOUND SOME COMFORT
WHERE YOU USED TO BE AFRAID.
WAVERLY
AND OH, OH, OH,
YOU STARTED FRIGHTENED AND PERPLEXED
NOW YOURE ASKING WHAT COMES NEXT.
ALL
DEAR GOD, PLEASE TELL ME WHAT COMES NEXT.
LUKE
LISA
DARREN
0800%
LUKE
WAVERLY
ALL
NEXT THING YOU KNOW
WAVERLY
LISA
LUKE
ALL
NEXT THING YOU KNOW
OH, OH, OH, OH
OH, OH, OH, OH,
OH, OH, OH, OH,
OH, OH, OH, OH,
OH, OH, OH, OH,
OH, OH, OH, OH,
OH, OH, OH, OH,
OH, OH, OH, OH,
OH, OH, OH.
(WAVERLY and DARREN exit the bar. WAVERLY gives it one last look,
hits the lights and locks the door.)

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Next%Thing%You%Know%

Next Thing You Know

Originally produced at CAP21

SCENE 1: Sullivan Street Tavern

SET UP THE BAR STOOLS,

IF YOU LIVE LIFE IN THE FAST LANE

SCENE 2: Sullivan Street TavernThe next Monday afternoon

Its just a job, right?

SCENE 3: The Offices of Creative 360

SCENE 4: The Sullivan Street Tavern

OF MY WELL SEASONED WRIST

(WAVERLY tosses her a bar towel.)

SCENE 5: Darren and Waverlys Apartment

PERHAPS YOUR MAN

SCENE 6: The Offices of Creative 360 into Sullivan Street Tavern

(DARREN and LUKE)

RIDICULOUS LEGS THAT GO UP TO HER CHIN.

EXCUSE ME. IM SORRY,

I KNOW IT SEEMS SHALLOW.

Its not a dream girl.

NO ONE ELSE WAS LOOKING

(DARREN and WAVERLY)

SHE JUST CLIMBS RIGHT ON TOP.

ANYWAY, ANYWAY, ANYWAY.

(WAVERLY and LUKE are gone.)

SCENE 7: Outside Waverlys Apartment

CAN BE BETTER THAN WHATS REAL.

DONT SAY ANOTHER WORD.

SCENE 8: Various Locations Around New York City

IM GONNA PASS OUT.

SCENE 9: The Sullivan Street Tavern

(LISA exits howling.)

THEN I START TO BITE MY NAILS

AND MORE AND MORE.

BUT SHES NOT COMING BACK.

I WISH I HAD AN ANSWER

DONT BUY THE STUFF BOUT THAT HALFWAY FILLED CUP

(WAVERLY and LISA)

WHEN I FIRST CAME HERE

AND IT ISNT HOW YOU DREAMED.

(DARREN and WAVERLY)

Waverly, I want to be with you.

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