Sermon Summary

14th March
Speaker: Keith
Harrington

Sermon Summary 14 March Speaker: Keith Harrington

Conflict Pt 2 How Conflict can be Good for us.

Who likes conflict? Who finds conflict stressful, much prefer not to have any?
Conflict can be good for us. Yeah right.
Divorces, church breakups, friendship breakups. Workplace conflict Huge pain
Don’t want to minimize that pain. Make light of it.
Think of Pain, scars. He’s Dreaming. Doesn’t seem to line up with reality.
Deep emotions stirred by conflict
Emotions stirred not wrong. Issue is what we do with them. Anger to spill out
Accuse, say horrible things. Create more pain. Bitter, gossip, withdraw

As we draw closer to people inevitable there will be conflict. Sounds like a contradiction. But to grow in unity, there might
well be more conflict.
It the case in marriage. Often courting superficial. Best front.
Get married. Really get closer to person. Conflict

Same in home group. Superficial No conflict. But as draw closer, far more likely conflict. So to grow in unity need to grow
in ability to deal with conflict

So damaged by conflict, don’t want to get too close to people. So as to avoid more pain.
If deeply hurt by past conflict, tough to even think about this subject.

Conflict can be like a:

Smoke detector: When goes off, telling you that something is wrong. Can ignore it. But pretty silly. Meantime fire is
spreading. Conflict is saying: Something needs to be fixed, changed, dealt with. Not to be ignored. Find the source of the
issue. Can’t just say. Don’t worry.

X ray Reveals stuff about ourselves. Again ignore X ray. Can’t see stuff inside. Ignore it. But fact is it is still there.
Body is still dealing with stuff. Is the conflict exposing prior wounding not dealt with. Is the person, situation like
someone, something from our past? If find ourselves reacting to someone, it might be something we don’t like in ourselves.
Often when you examine a person you don’t like, you figure out e.g. quite demanding. We are also quite demanding, and
we don’t like that quality in ourselves. Reaction is expressing our own self hatred.

Is it showing unrealistic expectations person. Uncommunicated expectations. Why doesn’t he know what I want. Well,
have you told him, her. Often expect our spouses to know what we want . Seems obvious to us. But not.

Is it exposing my sin self centerness, selfishness,

In conflict, before we go rushing off to tell the other person what wrong with them Jesus said look at the log in our own
eye. Matthew 7:1-5
Silly exaggeration. If had a log in eye, you would know about it. Right. Obvious. Course you would deal with it. But reality
is that often we are not aware of the log in our own eye. Like a speck to us. Everyone else it is a log. Deceive ourselves.

Sign Post Pointing out our need for God. Continually default to the idea that we can do it ourselves. I can look after
myself. I don’t need anyone else. I can deal with this. I need God’s grace to accept this person that way they are. I need
God’s courage to confront this person. I need God’s healing. I need God’s forgiveness for my part. I need his help so that I
can forgive.

Faithful are the wounds of a friend. (Prov 17:6) Wounding can be helpful. Correction from a good source. Useful to
us.
Joyce Hugget suggests this process to help with conflict. 7 E’s
1. What was the event? Triggered conflict. Write it down
2. What emotions has it stirred? Anger, jealousy, resentment. Guys, not very good at this. Few days later. Work at it.
Busy life, we don’t sit still long enough to process these. Get on with the next thing. Be still. Stop No TV, music.
Silence. Why hate it. As still ourselves, aware of issues of heart prefer to push emotions back
3. Evaluate these in light Bible? Do they line up with someone who is being transformed into the image of God. Are they
Christ like? How do they stack up with 1 Cor 13:4. Or is my emotional reaction more in line with the old nature.
Selfish ambition, jealousy, division, envy, insulting, shouting Gal 5:20 Eph 4:31. If emotions don’t’ line up, confess
them as sinful, bought to cross.
4. What’s evil one whispering? Condemning. Useless, for being so hurt, losing temper. Remember how that person
hurt you last year. Showing you faults of that person. Justifying what you did.

5. Express the feelings to God. All of them. Express negative feelings to the person concerned. Often not helpful.
Continues the cycle of hatred. Psalms Pours out emotions. Bring our emotions into the presence of God.
6. Expose your life to God, listening for him to show you what needs changed. Lord, what do you want me to do? Might
include going to see the person. Talk next week. How do you want me to change?
7. Exercise patience as God works on you. Patience with God, circumstances, with others, with ourselves. Conflict is
chipping away the parts of us that are not Christ like. 2 Cor 3:18

All this might seem very analytical procedure. But intimacy and conflict go together. Inevitable as our relationships
become closer. Conflict can separate us. Draw us closer. Conflict can be good for us. Teach us, change us, if we allow it
too.
Tumbler. Stones get polished as they rub against one another.

Cross reconciles us to God and to each other.

God’s grace towards us, while we were still at war with him, he took steps to us.
God’s healing , as we allow him to take our pain. Press our pain into him
God’s forgiveness – as we allow him to show us sinful attitudes and actions
God’s love – that continues despite us continually grieving God.
God’s anger at sin. Sin cannot just be ignored.

Enemy thought he had won. Stirred up conflict. Judas betray Jesus. One of 12, closest friends. Stirred up the Pharisees to
have Jesus killed. Stirred up Romans to agree. Violence Jesus. Passion film. Brutal. Yet what Satan planned for evil was
what God planned for good. Through the cross, reconciled to God, and to each other

Group Discussion Questions

How do you react to the idea that conflict could be good for you?

What emotional impact has conflict had on you? How has it affected how you related to people now?

Have you ever ignored conflict as a “smoke detector” and paid a price?

What has past conflict taught you about yourself?

How do you relate to God in the midst of conflict? Or do you tend to deal with it yourself?

Can emotions be sinful? See E3.

Review a recent conflict using the 7E ‘s. How does this compare to what you normally do in the aftermath of
conflict?