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Admitting Guilt

Rav Hanan Schlesinger

He got caught. Red-handed apparently. Actually both of them did, man and wife. There
wouldn’t have seemed to be any way to wiggle out of it.
Until that point life had seemed so simple, so idyllic. Everything was given to them on a
silver platter. Of all the fruit of the garden they could partake freely; all they had to do
was to refrain from eating from that one tree in the middle of the garden.
But they messed up, and their whole life came crashing down on them at the moment that
Adam and Eve each took that one fateful bite. Everything changed, they felt an inner
transformation. And then God appears with the afternoon breeze as if out of nowhere, and
engages them in seemingly idle conversation. “Where are you”, He says? Now God
knows everything. He knows where they are, and of course He knows why they are
hiding. In His infinite mercy, He is providing an opportunity for the two sinners to utter
the words that they must: “We did it, we’re sorry.” It’s really so simple. After all, that’s
the truth. They did it, and God knows. So why don’t they just admit it? But they can’t.
They can’t fess up. Cognitive dissonance.
So God makes it even easier for them. He almost puts the words right into their mouths:
“Have you eaten of the forbidden fruit?” He asks. And all they have to do is to say “Yes,
we sinned. We take responsibility.” But they are unable to get the words out of their
mouths. There’s a psychological block that prevents them from owning up to the
consequences of what they have done. “It’s her fault, she made me do it,” he says. “Don’t
look at me,” she says, “it’s the snake’s fault.”
So they failed twice, once with the act, and once with the cover-up. The first sin we kind
of understand, after all, the fruit looked so good, so tantalizing. They were overcome by
curiosity and desire. We sympathize, it happens to us all the time. But the second sin?
We shake our heads in disbelief. How could they be so childish? Why didn’t they just
confess when confronted? What did they think to gain by such lame excuses?

Schultz Rosenberg Campus, 12324 Merit Drive, Dallas TX, 75251

Phone: 214-295-3525 Fax: 214-295-3526
Email: kollelofdallas@sbcglobal.net Web site: www.kollelofdallas.org
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But the truth is that sometimes we are just as bad as they were, as Rav Yosef Albo
pointed out in the 13th century in his book Sefer haIkarim. It is often so hard for us to
admit our guilt and refrain from proffering excuses. At its very outset, the Torah is
offering a caricature of our own destructive behavior. It’s like looking in a mirror. (Don’t
we look foolish!) Yes, these are among the major stumbling blocks to the teshuva
(repentance) that we all so fervently want to engage in during this month of Elul, leading
up as it does to Rosh haShana and Yom Kippur.
It’s just so common. A cruel phrase spoken in conversation with my wife. Somewhere
deep inside there is an inchoate consciousness of having said something terribly wrong.
But in my subconscious a struggle takes place. My ego prevents that not-yet-felt feeling
from being felt. I can’t admit it, not to myself and not to her. But then I manage to
connect to the hidden pangs of conscience, and to feel the feeling. Yes indeed, what I said
I should not have said. But still I cannot admit my guilt. I do not apologize. I come up
with excuses galore. And as I utter my rationalizations, they seem so real. I really mean
them, I am certain that it wasn’t my fault. Sometimes it takes a minute, usually longer,
until I say I’m sorry. Often it’s a day, and you know what? Sometimes it takes a lifetime
… and sometimes even that is not enough time, and we go to the grave without having
said what could have been the most important words of our lives.
So before it’s too late, we must learn to admit our missteps and take responsibility for our
mistakes. Such are the first steps on the High Holidays path towards self-healing and self-
redemption that Torah sets forth for us.

Schultz Rosenberg Campus, 12324 Merit Drive, Dallas TX, 75251

Phone: 214-295-3525 Fax: 214-295-3526
Email: kollelofdallas@sbcglobal.net Web site: www.kollelofdallas.org