TEAR DOWN

THE WALL
I was never a food addict, but for years I
was a compulsive overeater. Diets did not
work. I would starve myself, then binge,
starve myself, then binge, in a constant cycle
of self-abnegation and self-indulgence. I
hated many things about the situation, but
what was worse than anything else was how
much I thought about food. I was obsessed
with it. Thoughts of eating hardly ever left
my mind.
And then they did, in a miraculous way.
When I began studying A Course in Miracles,
I wasnt consciously thinking of my
weight as an area where I wanted a miracle.
But one day I looked down and couldnt
believe what I saw, on the scale or on my
body. Weight had simply dropped off, and I
realized why. The weight had merely been a
physical manifestation of my need to keep
others at bay. I feared other people and had
built a wall to protect myself. Practicing the
Course, Id learned to extend my hand across
the wall. Id learned ways to replace fear with
love. Id asked God to enter my life and make
all things right. And the wall had
disappeared.
Your first lesson focuses on the following
visualization: the image of excess weight as a
brick wall you are carrying around. This wall
has been built by your subconscious mind;
its purpose is to separate you from other
people and from life itself. Your fear has built
the wall, and love will tear it down.
Looking closely, you see that every brick
has something written on it:
Shame Injustice
Anger Protection
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Fear Pride
Unforgiveness Selfishness
Judgment Jealousy
Disdain Greed
Excess
responsibility
Laziness
Separation
Pressure Dishonesty
Exhaustion Arrogance
Burden Inferiority

Stress Embarrassment
Heartbreak Self-abnegation
Now allow yourself to read this list again,
very slowly. With every word, ask yourself
whether or not it represents a thought, an
emotional reality, or a character defect that
pertains to you. Know that the vast majority
of people, were they to be honest with themselves,
would say Yes. (You might even add
a few words of your own to the list.) And
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with every word, move slowly into your heart

and allow yourself to identify the situations
or circumstances in your life that this word
connects to.
The weight you are seeking to let go of was
added to your consciousness before it was
added to your body. Your body is merely a
screen onto which is projected the nature of
your thoughts. When the weight is gone from
your consciousness, it will be gone from your
physical experience. In asking God to remove
the cause, you automatically remove the
effect.
The weight on your mind, and thus on
your body, is the weight of your own emotional
shadows that have not yet had a light
shone on them, whether they be unprocessed
feelings, negative thoughts, or fear-based attitudes
and personality traits. They are no
different from the shadows that other people
have.
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What is unique to your situation is that for

whatever reason, these thoughts or feelings
have become frozen within you and are not
being processed properly. Instead of your
getting sad, lets saygoing through the sadness
and then moving to the other side of
ityour sadness is likely, for various reasons,
to stay stuck within your mind. And
then it gets stuck within your body. You are
failing to assimilate an experience and let it
go. Emotionally and mentally, as well as
physically, our systems must process waste.
Painful experiences are not meant to
linger. They are meant to teach us what they
need to teach us, and then dissolve into the
realm of soft-focus memory. Even bitterness
in our past can transform into peaceful acceptance.
With your system of psychologicalwaste
removal on the blink, however, youve

subconsciously tried to get rid of these

thoughts and feelings by eating them. If I
cant process my sadness, perhaps I can eat
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my sadness. If I cant process my anger,

perhaps I can eat my anger.
In the absence of an exit valve for what
could be seen as your psychological sewage,
your unprocessed thoughts and feelings have
embedded themselves in your
fleshliterally. They are the materialization
of dense, unprocessed energy that had
nowhere else to go. You are carrying your
burdens aroundnot only with you but on
you. This course is a way to release them to
God.
Its not as though other people dont have
unprocessed emotions; we all do. In some of
us, unprocessed pain expresses itself through
taking drugs or drinking; in others, through
emotional outbursts; in still others, through
promiscuous sex, and so forth. The form of
dysfunction is not particularly relevant; what
matters is that we address the unprocessed
suffering behind it.
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In order for your healing to be real and

deep, you must be willing to be real and deep
with the issues you address here. No one else
needs to know what is revealed to you, unless
you choose to share the information with
a trusted friend. This journey is a sacred one,
in which you travel with God through the
secrets of your heart.
With this lesson, youll begin to tear down
the wall.
There are only two categories of
thoughtsthose of love and those of
fearand the only way to transcend fear is to
replace it with love. As you identify fear
thoughts and then surrender them to Divine
Mind, love emerges naturally. When
thoughts that lead you to overeat are surrendered,
then those that lead you to wholesome
eating come forth to take their place.
The unprocessed fear will then leave your
system, in time taking with it the pounds of
flesh it has produced. In bringing it into your
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conscious mind and surrendering it to God,

your fear and then your excess weight will be
transmuted and removed.

In the past, you may simply have ignored

or suppressed the thoughts, feelings, and
memories that caused you pain. By doing so,
however, you stopped a natural process by
which such thoughts and feelings could be
transformed. The pain has been pushed into
your flesh. Now you are remembering that
you can make another choice: you can look
at your pain, and then release it to One in
Whose hands it will dissolve forever.
It is not enough to merely identify your
pain; you must then surrender it for healing.
Saying, for instance, I am so embarrassed
about this or that situation, is not of itself a
healing. To say, Dear God, I am so embarrassed
about that situation. I place
everything that happened and all my feelings
about it in Your hands. Please help me see it
differently. That is a healing.
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What is placed on the altar is then altered;

as you surrender a situation, your thoughts
about it are changed. Divine Mind comes into
your worldly thoughts from a thought system
beyond your own, authorized to return
you to grace and sanity. You can think of this
as a Divine intercession; this course is a lesson
plan in miraculous thinking as applied to
your efforts to lose weight. Divine Mind will
remove the wall that surrounds you when
you look at each brick, own your thoughts
and feelings that imbue that brick with such
addictive force, and then place it in His
hands. Give to Him what you do not want,
and what you do not want will disappear.
By recognizing what constitutes the wall
around you, you will begin the process of dismantling
it.
Return now to the words listed at the beginning
of the chapter, which represent the
bricks in your wall. For each word, write
down in your journal what is true for you. Do
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not rush through this process. Be as detailed

and complete as you can, feeling free to go
back to certain words after youve already
moved on to others. Allow yourself to look
and to feel, and you will ultimately understand.
This is a meaningful opportunity to
see your light, by being courageous enough
to look at your darkness.
Shame: I am ashamed of

___________________.
Perhaps you acted foolishly, and cringe to
think that other people still remember. . . .
Do not go unconscious. Write it all out.
Anger: I am angry at
___________________.
Perhaps you feel unfairly treated, and have
not released all your anger at the meanness
of others. Or perhaps you have not forgiven
yourself for self-sabotaging behavior in the
past that affects your life now. . . .
Do not go unconscious. Write it all out.
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Fear: I am afraid of
___________________.
Perhaps you carry a secret fear of loss, of
tragedy, and have not yet learned to release
it to God. . . .
Do not go unconscious. Write it all out.
Unforgiveness: I havent forgiven
___________________ for
___________________.
Perhaps there is someone who betrayed
your heart and you have not been able to forgive
him or her yet. . . .
Do not go unconscious. Write it all out.
Judgment: I judge
___________________ for
_____________
___________________.
Perhaps you think that others are behaving
in ways they shouldnt, and you think
and/or speak of them in negative terms. . . .
Do not go unconscious. Write it all out.
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Disdain: I feel disdain for

___________________.
Perhaps there are those who disagree with
you, and you hold contempt for their beliefs
and actions. . . .
Do not go unconscious. Write it all out.
Excess responsibility: I am responsible
for ______________
___________________.
Perhaps you carry the burden of thinking
youre responsible for things that are out of
your control. . . .
Do not go unconscious. Write it all out.
Pressure: I feel so pressured
about___________________.
Perhaps you feel that at home, at work, as
a lover, as a friend, as an employee, or as a

parent, youre carrying more pressure than

you can stand. . . .
Do not go unconscious. Write it all out.
Exhaustion: I am exhausted because
___________________.
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Perhaps you feel physically, mentally, and

emotionally so tired that you can hardly
stand to awaken some days. . . .
Do not go unconscious. Write it all out.
Burden: I am burdened by
___________________.
Perhaps you are carrying a pain in your
heart that lies heavy upon you and weighs
you down. . . .
Do not go unconscious. Write it all out.
Stress: I am stressed by
___________________.
Perhaps the bills you owe, the responsibilities
you carry, the needs of your family, the
demands of work, and so forth are a constant
source of stress. . . .
Do not go unconscious. Write it all out.
Heartbreak: My heart is heavy because
______________
___________________.
Perhaps someone you love is ill, or has left
you, or has died. . . .
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Do not go unconscious. Write it all out.

Injustice: It isnt fair that I
___________________.
Perhaps you were overlooked, or dissed, or
thrown under the bus, or not treated fairly.
Or perhaps you cannot stand the injustice
that is perpetrated against others. . . .
Do not go unconscious. Write it all out.
Protection: I feel I need protection from
______________
___________________.
Perhaps you feel there is a person or a condition
that is a threat to your well-being, that
frightens you. . . .
Do not go unconscious. Write it all out.
Pride: I am prideful when
___________________.
Perhaps you lack humility when dealing
with others, failing to listen to them deeply
or to admit when youve made a mistake. . . .
Do not go unconscious. Write it all out.
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Selfishness: I am selfish when

___________________.
Perhaps you grab for what you want in life
without thinking of the needs of others. . . .
Do not go unconscious. Write it all out.
Jealousy: I get jealous when
___________________.
Perhaps you tear others down when you
fear their success, not having learned that
blessing others and what they have is a way
of manifesting the same abundance in your
own life. . . .
Do not go unconscious. Write it all out.
Greed: I get greedy when
___________________.
Perhaps you accumulate more than you
need in life, giving no deference to moderation,
balance, or the needs of others. . . .
Do not go unconscious. Write it all out.
Laziness: I am lazy when
___________________.
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Perhaps you fail to take responsibility for

generating energy in a positive, vital, and
productive way. . . .
Do not go unconscious. Write it all out.
Separation: I feel separate from
___________________.
Perhaps there is a friend or family member
or organization or community from which
youve been disconnected, leaving a pain in
your heart. . . .
Do not go unconscious. Write it all out.
Dishonesty: I dont feel that I can be
honest about _______
_________________________.
Perhaps you carry a secret, something you
dont feel you can safely tell anyone. Perhaps
its a guilty secret, or something that you
simply fear others would judge you for. . . .
Do not go unconscious. Write it all out.
Arrogance: I am better than
___________________.
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Perhaps you think you are smarter, better,

more qualified, or more worthy than
someone else . . . perhaps you feel your sensitivity
makes you superior. . . .
Do not go unconscious. Write it all out.
Inferiority: I feel not as good as
___________________.
Perhaps you feel that others are smarter,
better, more qualified, or more worthy than

you . . . perhaps you feel that your weight

makes you inferior. . . .
Do not go unconscious. Write it all out.
Embarrassment: I feel embarrassed
because ____________
___________________.
Perhaps you have fallen down in some way
in front of others . . . perhaps your issues
with weight have increased this embarrassment
. . . perhaps your spouse or children are
embarrassed by your appearance. . . .
Do not go unconscious. Write it all out.
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Self-abnegation: I have built this wall

so that others wont hate me for being beautiful
and successful and seeming to have it
all ___________________.
Perhaps you have subconsciously chosen
excess weight as a bargaining chip to win the
approval of others, as though if you still have
one big thing you suffer from, then youre
not so glorious as to offend them. . . .
Do not go unconscious. Write it all out.
Reflection and Prayer
Closing your eyes, see yourself standing in
a golden light.
See all the flesh you think of as excess
weight as a brick wall that you carry around.
Looking closely at the wall, see that it is
made up of your own suffering and pain.
Now ask God to walk up to the wall with
you. Together, the two of you begin to take
down each brick, one by one, and ultimately
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dismantle the wall. Explain to Him what

each brick means to you, then watch how
whenever He touches a brick, it crumbles.
Do not rush away from this vision; rather,
hold it for as long as you can. Spirit will illumine
your understanding and give you the
permission to feel the pain that youve
denied for so long. And the pain will begin to
leave. . . .
Dear God,
Please remove the wall that I have built
around me.
I have built it so strong,
dear God,
that I cannot tear it down.
I surrender to You
every thought of separation,
every feeling of fear,

every unforgiving thought.

Please, dear God,
take this burden
from me forever.
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Amen