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Present:
"Super Zero"
Ep.314 (106B)
Written By:
Will Schifrin and Ray DeLaurentis
cc : Bu tch Hartman, Ray DeLaurentis, Kevin Su llivan , Ed Valen tin e, Dave Thomas, George Goodchild, Deirdre Brenner, Ja ck Kinman, Dia na LaGra ndeur, Sara Jerzykowski, Kelly Matten , Ken Mu,
Ilia na Friedson, Rich Magalla nes, Kelly Ga rdner, Sta cey Kim, Ma ry anne Dacey , a nd Lorena Gallego
Copyright 2008, MTV Networks, a division of Via com Inc. All Rights Reserved.
This sc ript/ story board is the property of MTV Networks a nd may not be copied or distribu ted without the express written permission of MTV Networks. This copy of the sc ript remains the
property of MTV Networks. It ma y not be sold or tra nsferred and it mu st be retu rned to MTV Networks promptly upon demand. THE WRITING/ STORYBOARDING CREDITS MAY NOT BE
FINAL AND SHOULD NOT BE USED FOR P UBLICATION OR ADVERTISING PURP OSES WITHOUT FIRST CHECKING WITH THE MTV NETWORKS' BUSINESS AND LEGAL AFFAIRS
DEPARTMENT.
FADE IN:
1 WANDA
Sponge.
(Timmy hands her a sponge)
Powder.
(Timmy hands her powder)
Clothespin.
2 WANDA (CONT’D)
Cosmo! What are you doing?
3 COSMO
I’m helping - duh.
4 WANDA
If you wanna help, help us change
Poof’s diaper.
5 COSMO
Okay! I’ll change it to a puppy!
6 TIMMY
That’s a wolverine!
7 COSMO
Silly Timmy. This is a wolverine.
8 TIMMY
Aaah! That’s an electric walrus!
9 COSMO
Well, they both start with a “K”.
10 WANDA
That’s it! Cosmo, go sit in the
corner where you can’t do anymore
damage.
FOP: "SUPER ZERO" Ep. 314 (106B) Circle Take Action 9/25/2008 pg.2
11 COSMO
Ooh! I can add this to my loose
nail collection.
The house collapses. Wanda and Timmy are under a huge PILE
OF RUBBLE. Poof floats next to them in a new diaper.
12 WANDA
Cosmo! You’re not helping! Just go!
13 COSMO
Fine. I can take a hint. I don’t
need a house to fall on me.
14 TIMMY
It fell on us!
15 COSMO
Whatever, Mr. Lint-picker.
16 WANDA
You mean nit-picker!
17 COSMO
There you go again. Come on, Poof!
18 COSMO
Well, at least we’re away from
those lint-pickers. Now how about a
super-fun seesaw partner?
Cosmo raises his wand. A BLUE WHALE falls from the sky and
lands on the seesaw across from Poof, shooting him upwards.
19 COSMO (CONT’D)
Whoa. That’s one big chicken.
I’ll save you, Poof!
20 CHET UBETCHA
Chet Ubetcha with the weather
report. It’s raining babies.
21 COSMO (O.S.)
Gotcha!
22 CHET UBETCHA
Well, stick me in a dress and call
me Sally! A floating something
just saved that baby. It looks
like Dimmsdale has its very own
superhero! Who are you, masked
something?
23 COSMO
(nervously to Poof)
Uh-oh! Fairies aren’t supposed to
reveal their existence.
24 CHET UBETCHA
Well? Tell us your name! The
world wants to know!
25 COSMO
Uh...It’s not Cosmo.
26 CHET UBETCHA
Don’t you mean...“Super Not Cosmo”?
27 COSMO
Okay!
28 CHET UBETCHA
People of Dimmsdale, let’s hear it
for Super Not Cosmo!
The house has been totally rebuilt. Timmy holds a final nail
as Wanda hammers it into the wall.
29 TIMMY
There. The house is good as new.
It’s like Cosmo was never here.
30 COSMO
Greetings, citizens of Timmy’s
room!
(gives Poof to Wanda)
Fear not, madam. Super Not Cosmo
has saved your baby from a giant
chicken!
31 WANDA
Cosmo, what are you talking about?
And why is there underwear on your
face? ...Again.
32 COSMO
Who’s this “Cosmo” you speak of?
I’m Super Not Cosmo. Now if you’ll
excuse me, I’ll be in the bathroom.
I mean, my super secret lair.
33 COSMO (CONT’D)
Hey, did someone say Super Not
Cosmo was here? I wouldn’t know
since I’m just a mild mannered
Average Joe. In fact, that’s my
name: “Mild Mannered Average Joe”.
Cosmo steps back into the bathroom and SLAMS the door shut.
35 TIMMY
We can hear you.
(to Wanda)
If he wants to be a superhero, let
him. He’s not hurting anyone.
FOP: "SUPER ZERO" Ep. 314 (106B) Circle Take Action 9/25/2008 pg.5
36 CAT (O.S.)
Meow!
37 COSMO (O.S.)
A cat’s in trouble! To the Super
Not Cosmo Copter!
38 COSMO
Super Not Cosmo to the rescue!
39 COSMO (CONT’D)
Here you go, really old lady! You
and your kitty are happily
reunited!
40 OLD WOMAN
It’s not my cat!
41 COSMO
No need to thank me! Seeing you
two together is my reward.
42 CHET UBETCHA
Well, stick me in a kilt and call
me Sally! Super Not Cosmo has
saved the day again!
43 OLD WOMAN
Oh, please get off!
44 WANDA
You know, sport, with Cosmo off
doing his superhero stuff, I’m
really getting a lot more done. I
wrote a rock opera and taught the
electric walrus to river dance.
The walrus dances by. Timmy’s on his bed with a BAG OF GOLD.
45 TIMMY
And I had time to clean out my sock
drawer. I found a bag of gold!
46 MAN (O.S.)
Help! The dam is bursting!
47 COSMO (O.S.)
To the Super Not Cosmo Car!
48 CHET UBETCHA
Chet Ubetcha with a special
bulletin. The Dimmsdale Dam is
breaking! In other news, I didn’t
even know we had a dam!
50 COSMO
You betcha, Aqua Sally!
51 WANDA
I say, Timmy, life is so much more
civilized with Cosmo not around.
52 TIMMY
Quite right, Wanda. Oh Jeeves, may
I have some more Beef Wellington?
53 TIMMY (CONT’D)
What shall we do until the next fox
hunt?
54 WANDA
I don’t know. I dare say without
Cosmo around, perhaps we have too
much free time on our hands.
55 TIMMY
Well, this superhero nonsense can’t
last forever. With any luck,
Cosmo’s over it by now.
56 WOMAN (O.S.)
Help! The volcano’s erupting!
57 COSMO (O.S.)
To the Super Not Cosmo-Sub!
Timmy jerks his chair away from his bed. But this time the
bed flips open sideways, smashing Timmy in his chair. Cosmo
shoots from under the bed in a MINI-SUB.
58 CHET UBETCHA
Chet Ubetcha here at the Dimmsdale
Volcano, which is right next to the
dam I never knew we had! I have
really got to get out more! Is
there anyone who can help? Say it
with me people!
Two giant mechanical arms extend from the sub and stick a
CORK (with Super Not Cosmo’s face on it) in the volcano.
Everyone <CHEERS>. Cosmo zooms off in his Sub.
60 CHET UBETCHA
Come back soon, Super Not Cosmo!
This is Chet Ubetcha saying, gosh,
I like that guy.
Timmy, Wanda and Poof still sit at the banquet table dressed
as English nobility. They still talk in English accents.
61 WANDA
...So I asked the Duke of Cornwall,
“Do you really have a wall made of
corn?”
62 TIMMY
Wanda, don’t take this the wrong
way, but without Cosmo around
you’ve become a crashing bore.
63 WANDA
Oh really? Well, take that.
64 WANDA (CONT’D)
Cosmo, I’m glad you’re back!
65 TIMMY
Why don’t you hang out for a while.
You can help me throw scones at
Wanda.
66 COSMO
I’m afraid I don’t have time. I
need to use the bathroom where my
superhero lair is not.
67 TIMMY
Cosmo!
Wanda, Timmy and Poof follow and open the door to reveal:
68 COSMO
Aah! How did you guys discover my
secret lair? You guys must be
criminal masterminds!
69 TIMMY
What is all this stuff?
70 COSMO
My super crime fighting computer,
my super crime fighting toilet, and
of course, my faithful butler,
Wolfie.
71 COSMO (CONT’D)
He may have tried to eat me in my
sleep, but at least he never told
me to go sit in the corner.
72 WANDA
Cosmo, we’re sorry about that. But
we miss you.
73 TIMMY
Yeah, and it’s boring without you
around.
74 COSMO
Sorry, but the people of Dimmsdale
need me.
Timmy and Wanda look up to see the Super Not Cosmo INSIGNIA
(Cosmo’s face in silhouette) in the sky. They look back to
Cosmo, who is shining the signal with a FLASHLIGHT.
FOP: "SUPER ZERO" Ep. 314 (106B) Circle Take Action 9/25/2008 pg.10
76 TIMMY
You’re signaling yourself!
77 COSMO
Maybe... or maybe that’s what the
criminals want you to think!
Anyway, it’s only a matter of time
before someone needs my help.
79 COSMO
I’m coming, Sally!
80 CHET UBETCHA
I’m at the mall and I can’t
remember where I parked my car! Is
there anyone who can help me?
81 COSMO
I’ll save you, Sally! You can see
the whole parking lot from here.
82 CHET UBETCHA
Thank you, Super Not Cosmo!
Chet clings to Cosmo (Lois Lane style) as they soar into the
sky above the MALL. MUSIC PLAYS (a la Superman carrying Lois
Lane music) as they fly together, passing MOUNT RUSHMORE, the
STATUE OF LIBERTY, the EIFFEL TOWER, BIG BEN, and the GREAT
PYRAMIDS. We hear RUMBLING. Chet sees the Band-Aid pop off
the Dimmsdale Dam. The dam breaks, flooding the town.
We hear another RUMBLE. Chet sees the giant cork pop off the
volcano. Lava blasts out and flows down toward the city.
PEOPLE <FLEE IN TERROR> from lava and the flood. Chet listens
to incoming news though his EAR PIECE.
87 COSMO
Well, at least I saved that cat.
88 CHET UBETCHA
Everything he’s done has backfired!
In this reporter’s opinion, Super
Not Cosmo should sit in the corner!
89 CITIZENS
Sit in the corner! Sit in the
corner! Sit in the corner!
90 COSMO
Wanda and Timmy were right. I’m
nothing but trouble. There’s your
car, Sally.
91 WANDA
Whoa. This is bad even for Cosmo.
92 TIMMY
I wish the town was back to normal.
FOP: "SUPER ZERO" Ep. 314 (106B) Circle Take Action 9/25/2008 pg.12
Wanda waves her wand. Poof! QUICK SHOTS: The dam seals; the
volcano stops erupting; the cat returns to its tree. Cosmo’s
paper airplane flies through the window. Wanda reads it.
93 WANDA
“Dear Family, I’m going away
forever. Or three weeks.
Whichever comes first.”
94 TIMMY
Don’t worry, Poof! We’ll find him!
Cosmo sadly floats out of town with his HOBO STICK, as Wolfie
walks next to him with the TEA SET on his back. As Cosmo
speaks, he obliviously passes crimes happening all around
him: BANDITS holding up a TRAIN; VIKINGS using a BATTERING
RAM to break down the door of a BANK; Crocker stealing a
LOLLIPOP from a BABY in a CARRIAGE.
95 COSMO
Let’s face it, Wolfie. This town
never needed a superhero anyway.
It’s the safest place on earth.
(then; to a Viking)
Want some tea, Mr. Viking?
96 TIMMY/WANDA/POOF
Cosmo?/Da-da...
97 WANDA
We’ve searched the whole town and
there’s still no sign of Cosmo.
What are we gonna do?
98 TIMMY
Well, Cosmo felt needed as a
superhero. So we need to make him
feel needed again. I know! If we
wanna bring him back, we need to
create a super villain!
MILK MAN (a MILKMAN themed ROBOT with MILK CANNONS for hands)
lumbers down the street. Timmy controls Milk Man with a
REMOTE, creating a booming voice through a mic. Wanda and
Poof float by Timmy’s side.
99 MILK MAN
I am Milk Man, delivering
destruction in three flavors --
regular, chocolate and delicious
holiday eggnog!
100 WANDA
Milk Man? What kind of super
villain is that?
101 TIMMY
The lamest one I could think of.
Which makes him perfect for Cosmo!
Cosmo sees the Super Not Cosmo signal and turns to Wolfie.
102 COSMO
Could it be, Wolfie? Do the people
of Dimmsdale really need me?
Wolfie <GROWLS>.
104 TIMMY
Uh-oh. This wasn’t part of the
plan!
Timmy, Wanda and Poof flee from the Milk Man. Cosmo (now
back in his mask and cape) flies in heroically.
105 COSMO
This is a job for Super Not Cosmo!
Leave my family alone, Mail Man!
Cosmo poofs into his Cosmo Sub, and plugs the cannons with
corks.
Cosmo poofs into his Cosmo Car and cuffs Milk Man’s ankles
with a bandage, causing him to trip. Milk Man falls to the
ground and EXPLODES. Milk pours everywhere.
The tree dwelling cat leaps into view and begins lapping up
the milk. Everyone <CHEERS>. ON CHET UBETCHA - at the scene.
Timmy and his fairies are back together again. Cosmo still
wears his superhero costume.
110 TIMMY
You saved us, Super Not Cosmo. You
really are a superhero.
111 COSMO
Trouble is, lately I haven’t been a
super dad, a super husband, a super
godparent or a even a supermarket.
Cosmo poofs off his costume and poofs the lair back into
Timmy’s bathroom.
FOP: "SUPER ZERO" Ep. 314 (106B) Circle Take Action 9/25/2008 pg.15
113 WANDA
Speaking of helping, how about
changing Poof’s diaper?
114 COSMO
What should I change it to? I
know! A bunny!
116 COSMO
Hey Timmy, have you seen Wanda?
Timmy’s bed springs up, knocking him into the ceiling. Wanda
bursts out on a JET SKI, wearing her MASK and CAPE.
118 WANDA
Wanda Woman to the rescue!
119 COSMO
Don’t save the cat!