Documenti di Didattica
Documenti di Professioni
Documenti di Cultura
Patrick King
ID # L22702933
Liberty University
In their book, Boundaries In Marriage, the authors, Cloud and Townsend, present a
theoretical model for maintaining healthy relationships, specifically marriage relationships. This
summarizes both the theoretical and theological orientation of their proposed model, compares
their approach to the model proposed by Sandra Wilson in her book, Hurt people hurt people,
considers the model in the context of Dr. Hawkins concentric circle theory of personality, and
presents a critique with regard to some of the perceived strengths and weaknesses of their
approach.
Although much of Cloud and Townsend’s (1999) approach to relational health could be
easily applied to most human relationships, as the title of the book implies, marriage is the
context from which their thesis is explained. Marriage, they contend, is “first and foremost
about love” (Cloud & Townsend, 1999, p. 9). However, as they are quick to point out, love by
itself is simply not enough for a marriage to thrive. They suggest love is assaulted and
effectively weakened when freedom and responsibility problems are present within the marital
relationship. Additionally, they assert that freedom and responsibility are two vital elements
necessary for a healthy and loving marriage relationship. When freedom and responsibility are
present within a relationship love is able to flourish. However, the absence of freedom and
responsibility fosters fear, resentment, self-centeredness, and an imbalance of power and control,
all of which drives love out of the relationship. They suggest, “when we do these three things-
live free, take responsibility for our own freedom, and love God and each other- then life,
including marriage, can be an Eden experience” (Cloud & Townsend, 1999, p. 25). The basic
thesis of their approach to healthy relationships is that love is effectively strengthened when
freedom and responsibility are fostered by the presence of clearly established boundaries.
TC4 3
A boundary, in the simplest of terms, is the point at which one thing ends and another
begins. When applied to relationships boundaries fulfill several functions. They establish
ownership, clarifying to whom feelings, attitudes, and behaviors belong. They determine
responsibility and issue a call to action. As the authors state, “each spouse must take
responsibility for… feelings, attitudes, behaviors, choices, limits, desires, thoughts, values,
talents, and love” (Cloud & Townsend, 1999, p. 21). The process of change, they contend,
“always begins with taking responsibility for your own part of the problem” (Cloud &
Townsend, 1999, p. 22). Boundaries also serve to clarify freedom, those we have and those we
do not have. Additionally, boundaries offer protection, allowing the good to come in while
guarding against the intrusion of the bad. Finally, boundaries are about self-control. Although
when misused, boundaries can be punitive, manipulative, and controlling, the authors are
suggesting a much more noble intent for the establishment of marital boundaries. In fact, Cloud
and Townsend directly state, “Boundaries in Marriage is not about fixing, changing, or
punishing your mate… it is more about taking ownership of your own life so that you are
protected and you can love and protect your spouse without enabling or rescuing him or her”
Cloud and Townsend (1999) offered several examples of some of the most basic types of
boundaries including language (directly verbalizing a line, “I will or will not do this or that”),
integrity (operating on the basis of truth and honesty), imposition of consequences, emotional or
physical detachment, and time. While these are examples of some of the types of boundaries that
can be utilized in the development of a loving relationship, they suggest that there are ten laws
that are critical to the establishment of these boundaries. They suggest that living in accordance
with these laws will foster success while rebellion against the laws will produce consequences.
The ten laws, “1) sowing and reaping, 2) responsibility, 3) power, 4) respect, 5) motivation, 6)
evaluation, 7) proactivity, 8) envy, 9) activity, and 10) exposure” (Cloud & Townsend, 1999, pp.
Additionally, the authors assert that the values we hold have enormous implications for
the establishment of boundaries. They state, “your values make sure that certain bad things are
not present in the marriage and that certain good things are” (Cloud & Townsend, 1999, p. 107).
As this is the case Cloud and Townsend (1999) identified six values that are promoted in
scripture and that they believe produce great boundaries in marriage. Those values include,
“love of God, love of your spouse, honesty, faithfulness, compassion and forgiveness, and
In many ways Cloud and Townsend’s (1999) approach to developing and maintaining
healthy relationships is comparable to the model of change proposed in Dr. Wilson’s book, Hurt
people hurt people. Although Dr. Wilson (2001) takes a much more etiological approach to
addressing dysfunctional behavior, it could be argued that in many ways her model of change is
also a system of establishing boundaries. Like Cloud and Townsend (1999) Dr. Wilson (2001)
emphasizes the importance of responsibility, ownership, and choice. Dr. Wilson’s asserts, “we
must each take responsibility for own choices” (Wilson, 2001, p. 99). Cloud and Townsend
(1999) agree stating, “ when you cease to blame your spouse and own the problem as yours, you
are then empowered to make changes to solve your problem” (Cloud & Townsend, 1999, p. 61).
Additionally, as boundaries in many ways are about self-preservation (Cloud & Townsend, 1999,
p. 11), Dr. Wilson (2001) suggests that dysfunctional behavior is born out of a real or perceived
threat to an innate survival instinct (Wilson, 2001, pp. 73-83). Consequently, from Wilson’s
Like Dr. Wilson’s (2001) model Cloud and Townsend (1999) bring a certain amount of
credibility to Dr. Hawkins concentric circle theory of personality by addressing and validating
the impact of that which Dr. Hawkins calls “Temporal Systems” (Hawkins, 2009b). Although
the temporal system is the circle of primary concern for Cloud, Townsend, and Wilson, a case
TC4 5
could be made that they are advocating a great deal of work in the circle Dr. Hawkins calls the
soul. As one pays particular attention to established thought patterns and brings them into
alignment with scripture the foundation is laid for healthier functioning among the various agents
One final strength worthy of mention is the degree to which Cloud and Townsend’s
(1999) model effectively strengthens the three elements of spiritual and psychological health that
McMinn identified (McMinn, 1996, pp. 45-58). McMinn (1996) suggests that there are three
primary elements that are integral to psychological and spiritual health; an “accurate sense of
self, an accurate sense of need, and healing relationships” (McMinn, 1996, pp. 45-58). As
freedom and responsibility are established by the presences of clearly established boundaries,
one cannot help but maintain an accurate sense of self and need while at the same time grow
healing relationships.
Weaknesses
In spite of the practicality of Cloud and Townsend’s (1999) approach to developing and
maintaining healthy relationships, the model is not without a few minor shortcomings. Unlike
Dr. Wilson’s (2001) approach, Cloud and Townsend do not address the historical context of
behaviors unrestrained by healthy boundaries. However, they do not directly address the
psychological or the spiritual etiology of dysfunction. Dr. Wilson (2001) suggests that
neglecting the historical context of dysfunction could prove to be somewhat unproductive. She
asserts, “we must be willing to indentify and reevaluate our childhood fantasies (perceptions and
conclusions) and our childhood choices so that we will better understand our adult way of life.
That reviewing process gives us a more complete context in which to make new choices”
One additional minor critique of Cloud and Townsend’s (1999) approach to developing
and maintaining healthy relationships is the relative complexity and apparent internal
contradiction of the model. Establishing healthy boundaries is a tricky task. Cloud and
Townsend (1999) are clear that boundaries are about self-control and self preservation. It seems
very apparent that they would in no way suggest that boundaries are meant to be a manipulative
means of controlling another individual. In fact they directly state, boundaries are “…not about
fixing, changing, or punishing your mate. It more about taking ownership of your own life so
that you are protected and you can love and protect your spouse without enabling or rescuing
him or her” (Cloud & Townsend, 1999, pp. 11-12). It could be argued, however, that setting a
boundary has as its byproduct control of another individual. Cloud and Townsend somewhat
concede to this reality when they suggest that the secondary function of boundaries is to change
and motivate your spouse (Cloud & Townsend, 1999, p. 229). As this is the case, the well-
Application
approach, the model stands as a powerful means of building and maintaining healthy
relationships. I thoroughly appreciate the fact that Cloud and Townsend’s (1999) model is a call
to personal responsibility. As their approach effectively strengthens all of the elements that
McMinn (1996) suggested are crucial for spiritual and psychological health, I can find no valid
excuse for not incorporating their model into a personal theoretical approach to counseling.
TC4 7
References
Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1999). Boundaries in marriage. Grand Rapids: Zondervan.
Hawkins, R. (Speaker). (2009b). Hawkins model for guiding the counseling process.
Wilson, S. D. (2001). Hurt people hurt people: Hope and healing for yourself and your
Grade: ____________