Man Law

This is the original Man Law Group. The First. Others may say that parts of this group
were plagiarized. No parts of this group have been taken from any other group. All
laws past #48 have been submitted by the loyal members of Man Law. We will
continue to add new laws. Anybody who tells a member that this group needs to be
deleted needs to shut the hell up. We here at Man Law are not out to offend anybody.
We are not racists, we are not bigots, and we are not sexist. I love women as much as
I love beer and contact sports. We are simply a group of people with common
interests and who are expressing and exercising their 1st amendment rights. If you
have a problem you can choose to move on. Unfortunately you will not be one of
those fortunate people whose life will be positively changed by Man Law. I feel sorry
for them. If someone feels it necessary to bash Man Law, you just tell them that you
and your 450000 homies are going to “educate" them.

1. No wasted beer in the name of humour.

2. It has been made official that under no circumstances should the male have to pay
for birth control

3. If your best friend is dumped by a girl it is a 6 month waiting period till she can be
touched. If he breaks up with her it’s a 6 day waiting period.

4. If two or more males arrived at a party by a single car, and the driving male is
hooking up with a girl, it is the responsibility of the other males to find other ways
home.
(The exception to this law is if the driver is hooking up with his own girlfriend, the law
is then void and the driver still holds full responsibility of driving his friend’s home)

5. Short shorts have been banned… Unless in a participating in a sporting event that
demands shorter shorts. Also no real man should be allowed to pop his collar.

6. Every man shall allow one empty urinal of separation in a bathroom with three or
more urinals; law is void if there are dividers in between each urinal.

7. If a girl and a guy are not officially dating then it can't be considered cheating.
However...if the guy cheats with a girl that is less attractive to the one he is originally
interested in then he is either... A) Drunk or B) Dumbass. This then gives the original
girl the right to either get mad or laugh at you.

8. No one should ever steal a man's alcohol from that man's cooler...this is the only
law that suffers the penalty of death.

9. When bringing condoms to a party it is a man's responsibility to pack two in his

pockets and one in his car as a spare in case a friend is in desperate need.

10. No heavy fornication in a friend's bed. Or just wash the sheets.

11. No man shall every use a rolling backpack. If you can't carry the bag then you’re
not a man.
12. If another man's fly is down, you didn't see anything and may not make a
comment about it.

13. When a man is borrowing a buddies tool or other equipment, if the borrower puts
any scratches or brings it back with any noticeable wear, then he is required to do
one of the following: If the item costs under 50 bucks, you are required to replace it.
If the item costs over 50 bucks, you are required to give him a case of beer, because
hey...who wants to spend more than 50 bucks on something that isn't yours.

14. When your friend picks up a hot girl...however the hot girl has an ugly friend...it is
only right that you operate as a wing man doing whatever it is you got to do to help
your buddy have some time alone with the hot girl. As men we are obligated to
sacrifice and pay it forward for each other knowing that the favour will one day be
replayed.

15. When calling shotgun, all riders of the car must be outside, and shotgun can only
be called when the car is in view. Riders in the car are not allowed to run to shotgun
and steal it before the person who called and deserves it arrives there. The driver of
the car has no authority to decide on who gets shotgun. If a legitimate confrontation
comes up where the rightful owner of the shotgun can not be determined then it will
be decided by one round of paper rock scissors (with no shoot). If the two contenders
tie 5 times in a row then the rightful owner of the shotgun is to be decided by a UFC
cage match in which the first blood drawn decides the rightful owner of shotgun.

Addendum to Man Law No. 15:

If at any point during the process of determining the shotgun rider a hot girl hints
that she would like to sit up front the driver has the sole right to declare her the
shotgun rider and depending upon the situation may even deny rides to all other
passengers. However, if said hot girl is an ex of any passenger they may overrule the
driver's decision and make her ride in the back. Additionally, if all passengers happen
to be female then revert back to original method of deciding shotgun rider
substituting mud wrestling for UFC cage match. The winner then gets either a cold
water hose down or shotgun the next ride unless the car is really shitty and the
owner doesn’t care about muddy seats.

16. It is PAPER, ROCK, and SCISSORS with no shoot. If you must say shoot, it has to
be agreed upon by both men and a witness has to be present and somewhat sober.

17. When toasting with beers you clank with the bottom.

18. You poke it you own it.

19. The head nod is an acceptable way to greet another guy when simply walking
past. No words are needed to be said. An upward nod is for friends, a downward nod
is for fellow men.

20. If a man is on vacation to a state that does not border his own, or any other
country, it is not considered cheating if he so chooses to engage in sexual activity
with a girl other than his girlfriend. Although he should be fully aware that his
girlfriend may not see eye to eye if she was to ever find out.

21. A man should not masturbate more than 3 times in a day to insure being ready
for any unknown or known late night action. Assisting Girls does not count… rule is in
exception if male party is in a bet to set a record of number of times in a day.
22. A man shall never wear any article of women's clothing (I.E … Girls Jeans/Pants!)
unless they are the loser of such a bet… or if a man is figuratively in a girls pants…
(Or any other article of clothing).

23. No man in any circumstance, unless mocking a violator of this law, should pop his
collar.

24. A man should never be denied the right to adjust himself or place his hands down
his pants under any circumstances.

25. Being a Pirate should be considered a Manly job because pirates get two types of
booty.

26. All men must eat meat. A shitload of meat; if not borderline carnivore. For no
reason should a man ever be a vegetarian, or eat sick shit like tofu. Also no man
should consume any food with the terms "diet", "fat free", or any other healthy
suggesting terms for the sake of "watching his weight" or dieting.

27. Every man is required to learn some form of Poker before he dies.

28. If a man ever does something wrong a simple "OOPS", "My Bad", or any
variations of cuss words that get the point across will suffice, no need to say "I'm
Sorry"

29. No man should ever hook up with his best friend's girl, no matter how hot she is.
This is in effect while they are dating or "together." If they are separated refer to Law
3 for the proper way to handle the situation. (Side Advice: Less guilt is involved if she
comes on to you.

30. under no circumstance should any one man cockblock another mans attempt at
getting some tang. Let’s just leave that up to the tangs fat friend. Please note that
cockblocking will result in a suspension of your Man status and its privileges, and will
result in the title Manbitch.

31. Every man should watch sports center at least once a day, though multiple
viewings are recommended so that one can hold his own in any debate on sports that
may arise that day.

32. Under no circumstances shall any man lay a hand on a female or a child in
violence. Spanking of a woman's ass or pulling of the hair is permitted if done on
request. Corporal punishment is permitted excluding obvious extremes. Punishment
for the attacking male is that if other men see the assault taking place they having
the right to take him out back behind a building and show him how to fight with real
men. In this situation more than one man may be used in the attacking of said
woman beater because he clearly doesn’t mind an unfair fight seeing as he was
hitting a lady or a child to begin with. A call to the police is a very last resort and
should only be used is said male is over 6' 5" 250lb. or an ufc cage fighter. A kick to
the crotch is only called for in cases of rape. If it is merely a guy beating a woman,
defenseless child, or elderly people then a legitimate beating is called for, but no
shots to the crotch. If it is a case of rape however, multiple shots to the crotch are
called for. The punishment must fit the crime and since rape is using that area of the
body, it is ok to inflict damage to it.

33. If a woman is present whether family or friend no man under any circumstances
shall make their own food or pour their own drinks unless it is a special holiday such
as, Mother's day, Birthday's, or St. Patrick's day or if the woman cannot keep up with
the pace you want your drink poured. Law is void if significant grilling is involved.

34. No man shall ever watch a soap opera ever! Period! If this law is broken, it will
result in the lowering of status from man to Manbitch and the questioning of the
liking of opposite gendered relationships.

35. Women can't drive.

36. In the court of Man Law the statement "I was Drunk" will have the same effect as
an insanity plea (reduced punishment) in standard court provided the defendant's
blood alcohol level exceeds .10.

37. If any male is caught violating a Man Law in serious context, as a form of
punishment he should be disowned of his manly name, only to receive the title of
"Manbitch" from his peers and colleagues. Forgiveness is pending the severity of the
broken law...or a case of beer to all his offended peers as a token of respect to what
is manly...and what is not.

38. Any man that is old enough and is not in the army should at least support the
troops, even if you don’t agree with the war they are your country men fighting to
protect you and you should show them your support

39. No more crushing of empty beer cans or your forehead. Modern, thinner cans
make the feat less impressive than with cans of years past.

40. If you take beer to a party the tuck rule is in play when leaving, you may take one
beer max, but only if the beer will fit in your pocket.

41. Do not have a conversation at a urinal.

42. A man will not live in his parent’s house past the age of 27 unless they are ill or
he is in the war.

43. All men have the right to remain silent when asked by a woman "do you like this".
And the right to leave the room.

44. Sex is more important then talking

45. No man under any circumstance shall use lip balm.

46. Grilling, regardless of weather, is always the first choice for cooking.

47. No man shall ever own a dog smaller then a housecat

48. Men will invite other men to Man Law

49. No man shall ever turn down free beer because "it’s not their brand."

50. No man shall be shamed if they are passed out with their shoes off in your place.
If the person passes out outside of the house, then they are fair game shoes or not.

51. It is acceptable for a man to publicly situate and/or scratch himself in the region
of the gonads. If at a formal conference, then do so discretely. If at a football party,
scratch away, just no handshakes.

52. The morning after, if a beer has been left on the table, no matter the
temperature, it is acceptable to consume this item with food, such as its counterpart,
cold pizza.

53. If you spill a man’s beer, you buy the next round/refill the cup.

54. Nursing a beer is unacceptable. The bottle/can/cup should never reach lukewarm
temperature with beer still in it. If you can’t drink it in said time, don’t open it. If you
cant drink it in said time, your man status will be up for review.

55. Always accept beer from a stranger, but only if unopened/capped.

56. It is never a man’s responsibility to empty the trash while drinking. Beer cans
may be staked or crushed while the bottles may be thrown into neighbour’s lawn.

57. A man does not have to like another man to drink his beer. Beer is beer.

58. It is acceptable for a man to break man laws, if no other option is humanly
possible, in the pursuit of the opposite sex. His actions will be given leeway.

59. The bachelor’s party is exclusively male. (except the entertainment).

60. No man may ever sell a beer to a friend. It’s understood that said friend will repay
beer with beer later. Under no circumstance may the replacement beer be of a lesser
quality.

61. A man purse is still a purse.

62. No man shall dance for fun unless it’s to increase his chances with a member of
the opposite sex.

63. Body paint is only acceptable on a man if it’s on game day and to support his
team.

64. No man shall bring a woman to the guy’s night out. This is punishable by verbal
abuse for life.

65. If you do not sweat, it’s not a sport. (People sweat during Beer Pong.)

66. If a large snake catches a man off guard and bites, said man is allowed to scream
once.

67. No man shall wear a beret unless it’s for his military service.

68. When lifting weights, it is acceptable for a man to wear compression shorts under
the regular shorts. No man shall ever wear compression shorts alone.

69. No man shall ever, under and circumstance, share an umbrella with another man.

70. No two men are allowed to enter a revolving door together. Unless it involves a
race were the winner receives a combination of the following: beer, food, sex.

71. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If
you loved me, you'd know what I want" gets an Xbox. End of story.

72. Keeping beer from other's by hiding it in the fridge is not permissible. Besides,
sharing is caring.

73. Wives and girlfriends may not store items other than beer in the garage fridge. It
is for beer only.

74. A man may publicly rebuke another man only if the first man has the man law
and number memorized. Otherwise the rebuke must be in private. Furthermore, any
man who has the man laws memorized will be deemed a "higher" man.

75. In no situation is it acceptable to sit cross-kneed. You either sit with feet-crossed,
no cross, or stand.

76. Men are allowed to lick the plate when done but only when alone or with other
men.

77. A man should be able to determine a diesel engine by sound alone.

78. While smiling, no man shall stick his tongue between his teeth.

79. It should be understood that while, yes, cheerleading is not a sport, and it is
perfectly accepted to watch.

80. If a man is punched, and the hit is rubbed, he is punched again in the same area
twice.

81. A man should be able to lucidly explain the rules of one or more of the following
sports: Football (not the European kind), Baseball, Lacrosse, or Ice Hockey.

82. The dressing of any pet for any reason is not acceptable...any garment that is not
a part of the animal shall not be allowed to be attached to that animal...exceptions
are collars, leashes, etc. exception to this rule are monkeys.

83. Under no circumstances shall any man drink wine cooler...ever...unless beer or
liquor is completely unattainable. This includes anything (non liquor) fruit flavoured
that comes in a bottle.

84. Under no circumstances shall a man ever defer control of the television remote to
a female.

85. There are three reasons for which a man is allowed to cry.
1. He is hit in the genitals with anything traveling over 10mph.
2. Your date is using her teeth.
3. Anna Kournikova gets married.

86. When watching a "catfight" it is perfectly acceptable to choose sides. It is also

perfectly acceptable to pray for rippage of clothing.

87. When in a public shower, no man will look below the shoulders. Also, no eye-to-
eye contact for more than one second is allowed. If eye contact occurs, nod upwards,
and look away.
88. No man under any circumstances should have to explain the use of a power tool
to another man.

89. Never should man give a woman the credit card. No exceptions.

90. No man should talk on a telephone to a girl longer than he will have sex with her.

91. Every man should smoke at least one premium cigar in his life. Not any swisher
sweet crap either. Cohiba, Monte Cristo, CAO.

92. No man shall ever read an instruction manual. If the man does not know how to
use the item trial and error shall be used until the correct function is determined.

93. No man shall be held accountable for any promise he makes while drunk unless it
was a bet.

94. When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should not provide
any information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very
existence.

95. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend
out of jail within 24 hours.

96. A best man's toast may not include any of the following phrases, "down in
Tijuana", "one time when we were all piss drunk", or "and this girl had the biggest
rack you ever saw".

97. You may exaggerate any anecdote told to your friends by 50% without
recrimination, beyond that anyone within earshot is allowed to yell out "bullshit!"
(Exception: when trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration is 400%)

98. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another man is 5 minutes. The
maximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point
of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

99. Bitching about the brand of free beverages in your buddy's refrigerator is
forbidden. But gripe at will if the temperature is not suitable.

100. A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own - grill, car, firstborn child
- within 12 hr notice. Women or anything considered "lucky" are not applicable in this
case.

101. Falling on a grenade for a buddy (agreeing to distract the skanky friend of the
hot babe he's trying to score) is your legal duty. But should you get carried away with
your good deed and end up getting on the beast, your pal is forbidden to ever speak
of it.

102. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until
they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.

103. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In
fact, even remembering your best friend’s birthday is optional)

104. You must offer heartfelt condolences over the death of a girlfriend’s cat, even if
it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

105. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always
ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask whose playing. You
should know such things.

106. If your girlfriend asks to set your friend up with her ugly, whiny, loser friend of
hers, you must grant permission, but only if you have ample time to warn your friend
to prepare his excuse about joining the priesthood.

107. When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your buddy
in favour of better athletes - as long as you don’t let him be the last sorry son of a
bitch standing on the sideline.

108. Never join your girlfriend in ragging on a buddy of yours... unless she is
withholding sex, pending your response.

109. You can not rat out a friend who show's up to work or class with a massive
hangover, however you may: hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese,
turn the brightness on his computer way down so he thinks its broken, or have him
paged every seven minutes.

110. The morning after you and a babe, who was formerly "just a friend", go at it, the
fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to jump on her again before
there is a discussion about what a big mistake it was.

111. Everybody is Irish on St. Patrick’s Day. And as such said people must consume
alcohol on St. Patrick’s Day. Green and/or gold body paint may be worn, but no glitter.

112. When passing another man in a tight area where contact is possible, hole to
hole or pole to pole is only acceptable. If it is pole to pole no eye contact should be
made. If any detour from this is spotted by any onlooking men, possible labels such
as "Fag" may be deemed necessary. Resulting immediate demotion in man status.

From: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2213557603