Active Listening

( Fisher & Brown; Miller)

Listening is a key skill in effective negotiation, as well as all

other aspects of your personal and professional life. Active
listening tactics are one of the best ways to listen effectively. It
requires active participation in a conversation, thereby forcing
you to pay attention. In addition, active listening clarifies the
message that is being conveyed and reduces the likelihood of a
misunderstanding. Finally, when you paraphrase a message back
to the speaker or when you ask probing questions that require
further elaboration, you will likely learn much more than the
speaker may have intended. Often you can learn about the
speakers interests and needs as well as bargaining objectives.
I urge you to practice these techniques on a coworker, partner or
friend. The more you use active listening techniques, the more
natural they will feel.

Some statistics

(from Whetton & Cameron)

Effective listening has been ranked as the most

important managerial skill by executives in 300
organizations.

Tests indicate that people hear about 25% of

what is being communicated.

80% of people rank themselves as average

listeners or worse.

The average person speaks at the rate of 200

words per minute, but can listen at the rate of
500 words per minute. (This leaves the listener
with a lot of time to let their mind wander.)

b. Listening requires a response from the listener, so as you

listen, you should prepare a response.

To listen actively, organize, summarize, review,

interpret and critique often as you listen.

c. What are your response options when another person is

speaking?

Reflective responses
Probing responses
Deflecting responses
Advising responses

1. Reflective Responses
(the therapists choice)

The purpose of this type of response is to communicate the

message that was heard and to indicate active listening.
A reflective response involves mirroring back to the
communicator the message that was heard and
communicating acceptance of that person.
Reflective responses involve paraphrasing and clarifying
the message. It is not simply mimicking the message.
Supportive listeners contribute meaning, understanding,
and acceptance to the conversation. This is the most
supportive type of listening.

RULES FOR REFLECTIVE RESPONSES:

These are the kinds of responses that are reflective, although

you should avoid repeating the same response over and over.
Examples include "You feel that... ," "Are you saying that...," or
"What I heard you say was .. "

Avoid an exchange in which listeners do not contribute equally to

the conversation, where the listener is only a mimic.
Paraphrasing should deepen understanding of the message.

Respond to expressed feelings before responding to content.

When feelings are a part of the message, they represent the
most important part to the communicator. Feelings often stand
in the way of communicating clearly. People often must unload
their feelings before they can be rational. An example is It
seems to me that you are really angry about this.

Respond with empathy and acceptance. Empathic listening is

demonstrating an understanding of the person's situation or
feelings. It is not saying, "I know how you feel." The truth is,
none of us really knows how another person feels as
everyones life experience is different. It is reflecting back to
that person what you understand their feelings to be. An example
is I understand that you feel passionate about your position on
this.

Avoid expressing agreement or disagreement with your

responses. Your goal is to clarify the message.

2. Probing Responses:
This type of response asks the communicator to clarify what
was just said or to elaborate.
Probing responses are especially helpful in turning conflicts into
consensus, vague statements into specific ones, or changing a
person-focus into a problem-focus.

1. When the communicator's statement does not contain enough

information or the message is not clear, an elaboration probe
should be used: "Can you tell me more about that?"
2. When the message is not clear, a clarification probe is best:
"What do you mean by that?"
3. When the communicator is being evasive about a previous
question, a repetition probe should be used: "Once again, what
happened that has caused you to believe... ?"
Probing responses are particularly powerful in negotiation. The
more you ask, the more information youll gain.
3. Deflecting Responses:
This type of response changes the subject and is rarely helpful in
active listening. Often this response is interpreted as
disregarding the other person's message and people may even
feel that the conversation has been hijacked by you.
An example of a deflecting response is:
"I understand because something similar happened to me" (and
then the listener becomes the speaker as he or she elaborates
on the experience.

4. Advising Responses:
This is a response that provides direction, advice, evaluation,
instructions or opinion. This is only appropriate when the
communicator is in clear need of direction. This response is
never appropriate in negotiation because
1.

It shifts control of the communication from the speaker to

the listener.

2.

It shuts off further input from the speaker.

3.

It conveys a lack of faith in the competence of the

communicator.

4.

Conversations often begin with the speaker indicating that

they are seeking your advice (as when a subordinate asks
for advice from the boss, a friend asks for advice or a
partner indicates he or she is seeking guidance. Most
people who indicate that they are seeking advice are more
likely seeking understanding, acceptance or a "sounding
board."