Have you ever overreacted in a situation?

Have you ever almost ruined a friendship or a

relationship because you assumed something that was non-existent? Have you ever
impulsively acted and consequences came because of it? Is there a huge selfimprovement power to be found in seeing things as they? How is it possible to see
things as they are?

The Power of Seeing Things as They

Are
To paint the situation of how to see things as they are, here is an example of not seeing
something as it was and what resulted from it:

Process #1
Steven is newly hired at an agency and has been working there for 5 months after a poor
work history in the past. Steven feels confident he is doing a good job with his work.
His boss, Kevin greets him every day with a smile on his face as if he is pleased with the
work Steven is doing. Recently, around the office, there are rumors that the agency will
be downsized. This makes Steven worried as he is newly hired and fears that he is going
to get laid off. Kevin comes in the next morning and for the first time ever doesn't greet
Steven but instead looks somber and nods his way.
Steven's thought process: "Why didn't he smile at me and greet me? I know they are
laying workers off soon. He looks especially serious today. Is he not greeting me
because he knows he will lay me off soon?"
Steven's action: Steven rushes into Kevin's office in frenzy and asks if he is going to get
laid off today and tells Kevin why he needs to keep him around. Kevin erupts and gets
mad at Steven saying he wasn't planning on laying him off. Steven also finds out later
that Kevin was upset because his daughter got in a car accident that morning on her way
to school.
Result: Kevin's perception of Steven just changed drastically.
Every point below addressing the issues of being able to see things as they are has the
potential to overlap with other points.

Insecurities

When you react to a situation on the basis of an insecurity you are not seeing things as
they are. Steven reacted poorly to the situation above because he was insecure about his
job. This caused him to react impulsively and take bold action that was ultimately a
mistake. You cannot react to something based on your personal insecurities because
your strong emotions will be triggered and you will do things you never thought you
would have done. When you react based on an insecurity the mind starts to race and
you catastrophize a situation into more than it actually is. Insecurities allow the mind to
literally trick you.

The Three Buddhist Principles of Existence

A) Impermanence or anicca in the Buddhist religion refers to the inevitability of
change to occur. Even if you try and stop something from changing it will always
change. Have you ever noticed that it is completely impossible to keep your mind
completely frozen with no thoughts? Change will occur. Just as water comes down as
rain, so it will change to vapor as it is evaporated off of the surface of a leaf
(transpiration). Just as soon as a phenomena appears, so it will disappear. What does
this mean? This means that any phenomena that appears in your life has a set duration
no matter what. After its duration is up then it will change. This applies to "seeing
things as they are" in respect to the fact that when we mess with this law of existence we
get ourselves in trouble. When we try and make something that did happen disappear,
it will once again reappear in your life. An example of this would be stuffing away
your anger towards a close relative you are mad at. Later on, when something reminds
you of that relative, the feelings associated with that event reappear. They reappear
because you messed with that feeling's course of change. If you realize that you have
some bad feeling about something and decide to let the feeling come to you, it
will eventually leave and the feeling will run its course giving you the relief you need.

B) The principle of suffering or dukkha is the principle that suffering cannot be

avoided. Many people think that the opposite of suffering is happiness. The teachings
of Buddha suggest that the opposite of suffering is simply not suffering which sounds
very pessimistic superficially but if you think about it deeply many people won't
recognize suffering. They chase after happiness which can cause even more suffering.
Some people deal with suffering by imagining a world that is perfect where everyone is
happy and this is their stem of hope. This notion avoids the fact that you can't avoid
suffering. What you can do is the opposite of suffering which is not suffering. How do
you not suffer? You remove the causes of suffering in the first place so that you won't
suffer. How does this principle apply to "seeing things as they are"? First you have to
recognize and ask yourself "What exactly is this situation?" or "What does this situation
mean?" If it means suffering, most people try to control the situation and aren't
willing to bear it but instead will try to alter the situation egotistically in an attempt to
change the mess that is before them. The only thing you can physically do at a moment
where you screwed up and caused suffering is to remove that source of suffering. If you
do this you will suffer less and less in your life.

C) The absence of "in itself" or annata means the absence of self with the events
going on around us. In different languages you could interpret this as non-ego, nonsoul, non-control or however you want to think about it. This Buddhist principle holds
true of "seeing things for what they are". So how does this principle work for "seeing
things as they are"? In short, annata is putting the perspective that: "some things are
out of your control" in certain situations. We would all love to be able to control the
process of aging and get rid of dementia, arthritis, etc. but it is out of our control. When
we realize that some things are out of our control, we can approach a situation to how it
really is instead of putting our self into the situation which could potentially make the
situation messy.

Mindfulness
How can you see things as they are?
Mindfulness is the art of being in the present moment. Being in the present moment
means that you are focused only on the current situation at hand. You don't let
insecurities, alterior motives, fears, expectations, or anxieties to distort your view of the
situation. If you aren't in the present moment, you will be distracted and naturally your
understanding of the truth of a certain situation can be distorted. In essence,
mindfulness is being fully aware and letting everything come to your head in a nonjudgemental fashion. When you get nervous and your mind races, thoughts lead to
thoughts lead to action. What mindfulness enables you to do is to let those thoughts run
their course. Tell yourself "That is an interesting thought that came up". This is the
definition of emotional strength. It is letting things come and go like the seasons of the
year. When you are mindful, you can let your insecurities fade away as you are in the
present moment of the present situation. You can also ask yourself, "What am I actually
seeing right now?" Mindfulness also keeps us out of analyzing situations and judging
people without knowing them. When we are mindful we eliminate the judging that is
happening around us which gives us a false sense of superiority and makes us more
ignorant and less open to the current situation.

Process #2
Steven's thought process to the above situation: "Okay Kevin looks really intense today
and I noticed that he didn't smile or greet me. I also remember that they are laying
some people off and I am new here. This makes me really nervous. I know I am nervous
but there is no way I can be sure that Kevin was directing his behavior at me. I am
confused but that's okay."

Steven's Action: Steven decides to wait a day and not be too quick to judge. Kevin
comes in the next day and greets Steven like normal. Steven later finds out that Kevin's
daughter got in a serious car accident on her way to school the previous day.
Result: Life continues and Steven can even offer empathy towards his boss for his hard
situation regarding his daughter.

Conclusion
You choose how you react. When situations arise, you can let the situation come to you
without trying to change its course, realize that need to be able to have the
patience to bear the suffering of a situation, and remove yourself from the situation you
will be able to "see things as they are" and improve many relationships.