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We live in a society that prizes success. People are urged to set goals & then
work hard to make those goals a reality. Potential employers ask “Where do you
see yourself in five years?” & self-help gurus invite you to “Take control of your
mental, emotional, physical & financial destiny.” The implication is that success,
happiness & fulfilment are dependant upon achievements that are external, &
often distant.
But this idea is questionable. Here’s one that may be more useful:
Of course, this definition of success includes deep personal fulfilment, the only
sort of success worth having.
Sonja Lyubomirsky, the author of a recent paper on the links between happiness
and success (published in The Review of General Psychology) said “There was
strong evidence that happiness leads people to be more sociable and more
generous, more productive at work, to make more money, and to have stronger
immune systems.”
What people are really seeking is neither external nor distant. It is here. It is
now. You are already there. Welcome.
-- Soren Kierkegaard
Focus
Belief /
Action Expectation
Integrate
Shortly after I started studying NLP, I came across the books of Anthony Robbins.
One of the ideas he said was “You get what you focus on.” This fit well with the
ideas I’d learned from NLP, so I started creating an exciting, compelling vision for
my future. I imagined big houses, fast cars, large sums of money, a happy
family, doing what I love, speaking to groups of people, etc etc. But there were
problems. I didn’t really believe it would happen. And I felt frightened of failing.
In fact, the main thing that drove me on to pursue those goals anyway was fear
of financial insecurity.
Oops!
I thought that by focusing on those mental images, it would bring them into my
life, but I had misunderstood the word ‘focus’, so today I put it differently. Today
I say, “What you focus on increases.”
Want to become slim, fit and healthy? Just imagine yourself beign slim, fit &
healthy, then feel how good you’ll feel when you’re there. Like magic, you’ll start
to get slimmer. How does this work? The focus creation cycle.
The focus creation cycle is a model of the way human beings bring things into
their experience – it’s a process for manifesting whatever you desire, and it goes
like this:
1. Focus – what you focus on increases (over time). People often focus on what
they don’t want rather than what they want. Guess what shows up?
2. Expectation – what the thinker thinks, the prover proves. Whatever you truly
expect to show up in your reality (over time), that’s what will show up. This is
often referred to as ‘belief’.
3. Filter – Our neurology filters out all data that doesn’t fit with what we believe.
This helps us create a sense of consistency in a chaotic world. If you say “I can’t
find my car keys” your neurology will delete them from your perception, even if
they’re right there on the kitchen table.
5. Action – Emotions move us to action, and so we take actions in line with the
emotions we feel and the things we believe. Of course, this means the actions we
take support what we focus on.
I used to dislike the question “Do you see the glass as half-full or half empty”, as
I thought it was a tedious way of asking if a person was an optimist or a
pessimist. But it turns out that it’s bigger than that.
According to the way human neurology works, if you see the glass as half-empty,
it gets emptier over time. If you see the glass as half-full, it gets fuller over
time.
The above process is the key to how you can bring whatever you desire in your
life. The secret is to feel how you’ll feel when you’ve got what you want. We all
have comfort zones, and they’re mediated by our feelings. Humans tend not to go
very far outside their comfort zones if they can avoid it, but you can extend your
comfort zone, by feeling how you’ll feel when you’ve got what you want. This way
you become comfortable with the life you desire. Nature abhors a vacuum, so
here comes the good stuff!
I could really identify with this, because when I first started Salad, I was terrified
of making a mistake. It took a tremendous leap of faith to even use the name
‘Salad’ because it was so different to everything else out there. Almost without
exception, whenever I’ve been having difficulties in my business, it’s been
because I’ve been trying to avoid failure instead of go for what’s possible. Why is
this?
Neurology is goal-seeking
Human neurology is goal-seeking, and negation is handled by the unconscious
mind in a different way to how it’s handled in language. When someone says that
they don’t want to fail in some way, we understand consciously what that means.
But the message they are sending to their unconscious is still one of failure (to
even understand the concept of failure a person has to make an internal
representation of it, and this is what the unconscious then uses to organise
around).
I know this is basic, but I’m still amazed at the number of NLP-trained people I
hear saying what they don’t want instead of what they do.
When I first learned this, it was a real a-ha moment, and I shifted all my goals
from being stated in the negative to being stated in the positive. So far so good,
and on one level this made a really big difference. But on another level, I was still
trying to avoid failure, and had just found a different way of talking about it.
See, my ‘positive’ goals had still been defined in relation to what I didn’t want.
The conscious mind is comfortable with the concept and the energy of avoiding
failure. In business, I spent lots of energy getting people booked on trainings
because I was afraid of running a training with not enough people on it. In my
personal life, I focused on sorting out my finances because I was afraid of being
in debt.
The way to get out of this trap is to set a goal that is much bigger than avoiding
failure; to create a vision that is so inspiring that, even if it seems impossible, it
still lights your fire.
I once heard Tom Peters (business guru) say “One of my favourite quotes is by
Mario Andretti who said “If you feel like you’re in control, you’re not going fast
enough””.
This also applies to business and life. If you orient around avoiding failure, you’re
conscious mind gets to feel like it’s in control, but the results are typically
uninspiring. To quote Michele “The instant we set our intention on what could be
instead of what we want to avoid, we embark on a spiritual adventure”.
For me, the spiritual adventure means trusting your unconscious. Check these
out:
From “I want to lose weight” to “I want to be slim, fit & vibrantly healthy. I want
to look great naked, and feel fantastic, full of energy and life.”
From “I don’t want to lose this deal” to “I want to create amazing business
relationships that create genuine value for my delighted clients, and be
handsomely rewarded for it.”
2) If there’s an area of life where you’ve been trying to avoid failure, stop
and ask yourself “What could be? What would inspire me? What would
make me excited, take my breath away, and get me to jump out of bed in
the morning?
When I first learned about goal-setting, I was told that they have to be realistic. I
disagree. I insist that the big goals in my life be unrealistic. That makes it so
much more enjoyable when they show up!
The human brain is designed for pattern recognition, & people learn through
pattern. In fact, our ability to detect & recognise patterns is the essence of our
ability to learn.
Patterns of behaviour & experience are often out of consciousness, but they are
powerful indicators of future behaviour (if they remain unconscious.) The more a
pattern is experienced, the more familiar it becomes. The more familiar it
becomes (see Familiarity), the more likely a person is to repeat it. And the more
a person repeats it, the more they experience it. This is a self-reinforcing loop.
For patterns which we like, this is great news. For patterns we don’t like, this is
great news too! Once you bring a pattern into awareness, you can accept it & all
it has done for you. Then (if you wish) you can begin to release it. Awareness is
the first step, acceptance is the second. (Also see Acceptance.)
Virginia Satir famously said that the most powerful force in human beings is
familiarity; we have a natural resistance to radical change.
When we encounter change, the ‘familiarity sensors’ in & around our nervous
system starts sending ‘alert’ messages to the brain. The system then begins to
take action to return it to a stable state.
The thermostat on a central heating system may serve as a good example. You
set the thermostat to 70 degrees Fahrenheit. The heating system then checks its
thermometer to read the current temperature. If it is less than 70, the heating
system is activated; once the temperature reaches 70, the heating is turned off.
Most people have had the experience of making a change they really like, then
backsliding to the old behaviour or situation. The familiarity principle provides
one explanation for this sometimes baffling phenomenon.
Tip: If you want to accelerate the pace of change, take up a regular daily
practice (eg. exercise, meditation, yoga etc). Practice it consistently, &
you establish a core of stability. This sends a message to the ‘familiarity
sensors’ that enough is staying the same for you to be able to make
changes easily.
"To grow, you must be willing to let your present and future be totally unlike your
past. Your history is not your destiny."
-- Alan Cohen
In Robert Anton Wilson’s excellent book Prometheus Rising, he models the mind
as having two main parts; a thinker and a prover. The thinker is extremely
flexible, and can think any number of things. The thinker can think the earth is
flat; the thinker can think the earth is spherical. It can think all men are poison;
it can think all men are essentially good. The thinker can think that women are
intuitive and men are rational; it can think the opposite. It can think that there
isn’t enough to go round; it can think we live in a world of unlimited abundance.
The thinker can think pretty much anything. The prover is much more
predictable: what the thinker thinks, the prover proves (WTTTTPP).
Whatever the thinker is thinking, the prover will sort for evidence to support it. If
a person thinks that all homeless people are lazy, the prover will sort through
their experience to find evidence to support that idea. If they think all homeless
people are victims, the prover will find evidence to support that idea. If a person
considers themselves to be stupid, the prover will find evidence to show that it’s
‘true’. If a person thinks they are brilliant, the prover will show that to be true.
What the thinker thinks, the prover proves. While it’s easy to see that this is the
case for everyone else, it’s not so easy to recognise that it’s also the case for us.
While it’s easy to identify the ways in which someone else is limiting themselves,
the things we believe are ‘really true’ – aren’t they?
Tip: If you want to change your beliefs, first identify the limiting belief
(Eg. I can’t relax), then craft a new counter-belief that supports you (Eg. I
can learn to relax easily). Become willing to let go of the old belief, then
state the new belief, paying attention to the sensations in your body.
Accept any sensations of resistance, then repeat. Repeat the process until
you can state the new belief congruently.
-– John Lennon
You can be grateful to any or all of these, as well as anything else you can think
of. Remember, what the thinker thinks, the prover proves (see Beliefs), so you
can make up something to be grateful to that has all the qualities & attributes
you would like in a ‘deity’. *
Gratitude is one of the most powerful ways to focus your energy. The pattern of
gratitude in your consciousness gets you into receiving mode, & receive you will.
Stuff you can feel grateful for:
Remember, what you focus on increases (see Focus): if you only have £5, be
grateful for that & you’ll get more. If you haven’t been in love since you were 10,
be grateful for the love you had then; you’ll get more. If you only have present
moment awareness for 30 seconds a month, be grateful for that 30 seconds, &
more will be on its way.
* (If this upsets you because your G-d is the One True G-d, worry not; you
are of course, correct. The above section is only for those poor folk who
don’t know about the One True G-d )
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into
a home, a stranger into a friend."
--Melody Beattie
You can, if you choose, believe that everything is perfect in this moment. That
doesn’t mean that things can’t be changed, improved, altered or in some way
bettered. It merely means that right now, in this moment, things are the way
they are.
Some people use the headline of ‘positive thinking’ to deny the reality of the
current situation. This makes matters worse. Acceptance is the opposite of
denial.
Paradoxically, when you accept things as they are in this moment (including
yourself), you put yourself in the most powerful position to create change.
-- Paul O.
You get what you focus on. Wherever you put your attention, results will follow.
A simple example of this is money:
If you spend your time worrying about bills, overdrafts & lack of money,
you will start (or continue) experiencing lack of money.
If you spend your time being focusing on (& being grateful for) the money
you have, you will start (or continue) experiencing an abundance of
money.
NB. This is not an invitation to be an ostrich. By all means, pay your bills & deal
with any money issues that arise; just stop worrying about it.
The power of focus can work in every area of your life. When you combine focus
with gratitude (see Gratitude) you create an amplifier for your experience. You
get what you focus on. Whatever you focus on, you will experience more of.
If you are unsure of what you are focusing on, just notice what results you are
getting in your life. The results you’ve got (& the experiences you are having)
are a fool-proof indicator of what you’ve been focusing on - no exceptions.
Challenge: Review your results & identify what you’ve been focusing
on. Then decide what you’d like to change. Whenever you catch yourself
focusing on what you no longer choose, switch your focus to what you now
choose.
-- Jesus Christ
Wherever you’re headed, you presumably want to enjoy it when you get
there. Get in the habit of enjoying the now now & you’ll be even better at
enjoying then when you get there.
Tip: Allow yourself to be aware of the present moment: quiet your internal
dialogue, & pay attention to the evidence of your senses. Be grateful (see
Gratitude) for this moment. Then, be grateful for your awareness of this
moment. Repeat.
Feelings are sensations in your body. Feelings are very useful for getting you to
do things. They can also give you information about what is right for you, but…
feelings don’t mean anything.
Most people have certain feelings coded as ‘good’ & others coded as ‘bad’. We
typically want to feel more of the ‘good’ feelings & none of the ‘bad’ ones. But
many problems are created through an unwillingness to feel the ‘bad’ feelings.
Be grateful for your feelings – there was a time when you didn’t feel
anything.
Also realise that the feeling that something has to change for you to be ok
(or that you should ‘do something’ to feel ok, feel peaceful etc) is also just
a feeling. Accept it.
Feelings that are out of consciousness (ie. that we have not allowed ourselves to
feel) can be very powerful drivers of behaviour. Become willing to feel all your
feelings, & trust that your neurology will allow this to happen only as quickly as is
appropriate for you.
-- Anonymous
When things just have to turn out the way you want them to…it’s time for
detachment!
Attachment is the feeling of tension & stress that comes from having a burning
desire for things to turn out a certain way – the idea that things have to turn out
the way you want them to (or can’t turn out the way you don’t want them to.)
Attachment shuts down your own creativity, & makes it very difficult for you to
receive all the great things that Universe is sending your way. Attachment
proclaims the following:
I know best
If things don’t turn out the way I want them to, something terrible will
happen.
When you are attached to a particular outcome, you unconsciously focus on what
you don’t want. As you know, you get what you focus on (see Focus), so
attachment is one of the easiest ways to foil your own plans! The alternative to
attachment is detaching from result; letting go. Here are some tips for letting go:
Allow yourself to become ok with the idea of not getting whatever it is you
want (or getting what you don’t want)
Think of the goals you’ve set where you just knew it was going to
happen…& then it did.
Think of an occasion where you wanted one thing, didn’t get it, then you
got something even better.
"Sit quietly, doing nothing. Spring comes, & the grass grows by itself."
-- Zen saying
The human world is one of categories & classifications, a world of parts &
assemblies. Whether we are organising the study of plants & animals, or
diagramming the sub-assemblies of a jet engine, classification is one of the ways
that our conscious mind ‘carves up’ the world. This skill is very useful. In fact, it
is so useful, that it is sometimes difficult to remember that our classifications are
themselves inventions.
When you look at a tree, you may be aware of the branches, the leaves & the
roots. You may even be aware that the leaves contain chlorophyll, & that the
process of photosynthesis is taking place, but...all these parts of the tree only
exist as separate entities in human consciousness. In the ‘real world’, there is
just a tree. In fact…
As you look at the tree, & the grass growing out of the dirt that surrounds it, you
can become aware that the tree is surrounded by air & carbon dioxide, but…all
these parts of the world only exist as separate entities in human consciousness.
In the ‘real world’, there is just ‘the real world’.
Well, take for instance your hand. You can see a thumb, fingers & fingernails, a
palm connected to the rest of your body. But in ‘the real world’, there is you, a
singularity. There are no parts of you – you are one.
Take this one step further, & the division between what is ‘you’ & what is ‘not-
you’ is (while understandable) somewhat arbitrary. For instance: Where does
‘you’ end & ‘not-you’ begin?
Consider the possibility that these are also categories created by human minds, &
that the ‘real world’ is actually an uninterrupted wholeness.
"My friend, all theory is grey, and the Golden tree of life is green."
-- Zen
William Blake defined joy as the experience of being fully alive, fully human. This
means being able to feel all your feelings, experience all available senses, think
about any idea.
In order to experience more & more joy in your life, you can…
Choose beliefs & behaviours that support & nurture you. Release beliefs &
behaviours that limit or harm you (but bless them as you let them go.)
Say “I love you” to yourself in the mirror at least once a day. Pay
attention to the feelings that come up & accept them.
Believe that all your needs are provided for, & always will be.
Know you are already exactly where you are meant to be.
-- St Iraneus
Inner peace, & its close relations (joy, freedom, love, serenity etc) are what every
person ultimately desires. These are the ‘goals behind the goals’ that people are
searching for (even if they don’t realise it.) There is a quick & simple way for you
to bring all of these into your life:
Now, does this mean you have to go around being ‘peaceful’ & serene all over the
place? No. It just means that, in any situation, your goal is peace. Whenever
there is a choice, you choose inner peace. Does this mean no more conflict with
others? No, quite possibly the opposite. But if inner peace is your goal, then you
will find yourself experiencing more & more peace in every situation. Think of the
benefits – you can say goodbye to:
The great thing is, when inner peace is your goal, whatever happens is OK. You
can still be at peace. Imagine having the experience of achieving your goal more
& more, in every situation:
Hooray, you’re a winner! You’ve hit your target 36,000 times this week alone!
Tip: Make inner peace your only goal. I fought against this for six years
before giving up & deciding peace was the only option. Save time; choose
peace now!
You are unique. You are the spearhead of evolution, the result of millions of
years of trial & error. In the same way that the pattern for an enormous oak tree
waits patiently in the acorn, the pattern of your perfect life is there in you.
How can you access this pattern? You access it day after day. You can’t not
access it - it is who you are. But you can suppress it.
And suppress it many people do. They discount their dreams; ignore their
instincts; dull their passions with drugs, work & worry. But the pattern is still
there, coming up with more & more ingenious ways to get their attention.
Relax
Stop seeking
Forgive yourself
Be grateful for what you have
Trust that all your needs are taken care of
Know that you are exactly where you need to be
Let go of unhelpful patterns & limiting beliefs
Accept yourself exactly as you are
Detach from result & let go
Feel your feelings
Trust yourself
Relax
--Helen Keller
"I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free."
-- Michelangelo
"When I die and go to the world beyond this one, God won't ask me why I wasn't
more like Moses; he'll ask me why I wasn't more like Zuysak."
-- Rabbi Zuysak
So far so good. Now, one of the most well-known NLP questions is “What do you
want?” This presupposes the following:
You exist. Wanting is possible. There exists some ‘thing’ (the ‘what’) that you
lack or otherwise do not have.
As a tool for helping to focus a person’s mind, this question is excellent, BUT…as
soon as a person sets out to answer it, they accept the presupposition that there
is something missing. When this idea is combined with the “What the thinker
thinks, the prover proves” (see Beliefs) & the brain’s predilection for pattern (see
Pattern), the following issues arise:
This is part of how language programs your reality. Fortunately, you can use this
to your advantage, for instance:
Say your affirmation in the present tense (Eg. “I am happy” not “I will be
happy”)
When you say it, pay attention to the feelings that come up.
When the feelings come up, accept them.
Say the affirmation to another person, or into a mirror for even greater
effects.
-- Jamie Smart
Mistake Takeaways
Doing it for the money How to use your unique abilities and
your sense of enthusiasm to identify
areas that you can enjoy building
passive income streams from.
Move Takeaways
Daring to be different, and calling my How to stand out in a crowded market
business ‘Salad’ (brand differentiation) place.
Started writing a newsletter with my The power of relationship marketing.
best stuff in it (relationship marketing) The value of making a start now. The
philosophy of giving your best stuff
away.
Creating the Ericksonian Hypnosis How to develop, test & produce playing
Cards card products.
Quitting my job / reducing my contract How to escape from addictive
days / putting a value on my future paycheque syndrome by putting a value
on your future.
Doing what I love How to use your unique abilities and
your sense of enthusiasm to identify
areas that you can enjoy building
passive income streams from.
Employing people How to figure out what to delegate
(hint – it’s the stuff you don’t like
doing). How to use the power of the
vacuum to grow your business. How to
create a multi-person business fast.
Having a big vision How to create a compelling vision,
especially if you’re the sort of person
who “can’t create compelling visions”
that actually work! How to avoid having
to get a job.
Understanding about familiarity and How to use the basic structure of your
keeping doing something about it neurology to your advantage rather
than working against it.
Allowing the USP to emerge Business-building as a creative rather
than an analytical process.
Acting like a big business today (Name, How to use the familiarity factor
®, big list etc) massively in your favour.
Becoming willing to receive. How to shift from “a day’s pay for a
day’ hard work”-thinking to passive-
income-thinking.
Shifting from “I’ll be happy when my How to start feeling successful now,
business is successful” to “My business then using that ability to springboard to
will be successful when I’m happy” even greater success (feelings are more
important than you might think, guys!)
Actions:
Business
• Growing a Business, Paul Hawken
• The E-Myth Revisited, Michael Gerber
• Purple Cow, Seth Godin
• Positioning: The Battle For Your Mind, Trout & Ries
• Magic Words That Bring You Riches, Ted Nicholas
• Rich Dad, Poor Dad, Robert Kiyosaki
• The Cashflow Quadrant, Robert Kiyosaki
• The Magic of Thinking Big, Schwartz
• Irresistible Influence Cards, Jamie Smart (at www.saladltd.co.uk)
• 10 Spiritual Mistakes in Business, Christensen at
http://www.successandspirit.com/success.html
Fiction
• Illusions, Richard Bach
• Journey to Ixtlan, Carlos Castaneda
• Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, Robert M Pirsig
Science
• The Field, Lynne McTaggart
• The Holographic Universe, Michael Talbot
• Wholeness & the Implicate Order, David Bohm
Mythology
• The Hero with a Thousand Faces, Joseph Campbell
Other
• Prometheus Rising, Robert Anton Wilson
• Quantum Psychology, Robert Anton Wilson
• Tools of the Spirit, Robert Dilts & Robert McDonald
• Mastery, George Leonard
• Your Auras & Your Chakras, Karla McLaren
• Undoing Yourself With Energised Meditation, Christopher S Hyatt
Audio
• The Art of Being, Jamie Smart (at www.saladltd.co.uk)
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Jamie is author of The NLP Tip, an e-zine which goes to thousands of people
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creator of Ericksonian Hypnosis CardsTM and many other products.
He lives in Leicestershire (UK). When he isn’t helping other people get what they
want, he likes going for long walks in the woods, listening to music and reading.
Acknowledgements
I’ve been fortunate to learn from a number of great NLP Trainers and other
innovative thinkers and teachers. Thanks to anyone whose efforts have made
their way into this work.