ACT I SCENE 1. EXT. VILLAGE SQUARE -- DAY MUSICAL NUMBER.

The Villagers etc. Suggestion: On A Wonderful Day Like Today. From - The
Roar of the Greasepaint. Bricuss and Newley.
AS THE CURTAIN GOES UP THE SQUARE IS FULL OF VILLAGERS DANCING AND
SINGING. CINDERELLA IS MIXING IN AMONG THEM. AT THE END OF THE MUSICAL
NUMBER BEFORE THE FINAL BARS DIE, CINDERELLA AND VILLAGER 1 COME FORWARD
TO APRON.
VILLAGER 1: Cinderella, isn't your Father due home today?
CINDERELLA: He is, and I think I can see him in the distance. Shall we
all go and welcome him back?
CINDERELLA AND ALL THE VILLAGERS EXIT AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE IN EVERY
DIRECTION. BUTTONS ENTERS RUNNING.
BUTTONS: (TO AUDIENCE) Hello Boys and Girls. Hello Mums and Dads. Hello
Grans and Grandads. Hello Kings and Queens. Well you never know do you?
(PAUSE TO LOOK INTO AUDIENCE)
I think there might actually be some Queens in here somewhere. My name
is Buttons. You probably knew that anyway didn't you? This outfit is a
bit of a give-away. You'd think they would have modernised this panto by
now and renamed me Zipper or something. Velcro perhaps? Who's been to a
panto before?
(AUDIENCE REACTION)
Well in that case you don't need reminding that you have your own part
to play in this show. Yes... Your part is written into the script. It's
almost written into the history books. Your job is to cheer for the good
guys and boo the baddies. Wow! What a great job. Do you think you can do
that?
(AUDIENCE REACTION)
Let's give it a go so we can warm your lungs up a bit. Come on, cheer
the good guys.
(ENCOURAGING AUDIENCE)
Not bad, not bad, but you can do better than that. Try again.
(ENCOURAGING AUDIENCE)
Better! Now why don't I pretend to be a bad guy and you can have a test
boo? I'll go out and come back in pretending to be a bad guy and I want
you to boo me really loud. Ready?
BUTTONS RUNS TO THE WINGS GRABS A LARGE SILLY FALSE BEARD AND MOUSTACHE

THEN RETURNS CENTER STAGE IN ONE MOVEMENT, FITTING THE BEARD AND
MOUSTACHE AS HE GOES.
(AUDIENCE REACTION.)
BUTTONS: (LIFTING THE BEARD A LITTLE) Confusing isn't it? Look, it's me.
Buttons. Not a bad Boo there, but not really loud enough. We want you to
be heard in Southampton. Do you think you can do that?
(AUDIENCE REACTION)
Let's try again. Louder this time.
BUTTONS RUNS TO THE WINGS AGAIN BUT THIS TIME HE REMOVES THE BEARD AND
MOUSTACHE LEAVING THEM BEHIND. HE RETURNS CENTRE STAGE IN ONE MOVEMENT.
(AUDIENCE REACTION.)
BUTTONS: That was much better, but not very observant of you. Look! . .
(Pointing to face) I'm Buttons again. Not the bad guy this time. Another
thing you can do to the bad guys is hiss at them. No Sir . . . HISS at
them. What did you think I said? You've been going to too many of those
punk concerts. Ready? Let's do one huge hiss.
(AUDIENCE ARE ENCOURAGED TO HISS LOUDLY)
Come on, come on. You just sound like a small scale gas leak. More
hissing at the back please. No Madam. Hissing! Someone get her a new
battery for her hearing aid. Hissssss! That's better. Try not to spit on
the person in front of you please. Well done.
(MOTIONS TO STOP HISSING)
Isn't it great to know we have all had a good hiss before we start? At
least you shouldn't need another hiss until the interval. You know your
part now. heer the good guys. Boo and hiss the bad guys. You can even
wolf whistle the pretty ones if you know how to do it. Right let's get
back to the panto. Cinderella, you've already met her. Well her Father
is Baron Hardup. He wasn't always hard up but since his wife was sent
to... well... (POINTS TO CEILING AND SPEAKS IN A STAGE WHISPER) up
there,
(NORMAL VOICE) the death duties and taxes have meant he has no money
left. Cinderella has sold everything to help. Even her dresses. But
still they can't pay the bills. Then the Baron had a good idea. To go to
Fareham to find a new wife. It seems that he did find a very rich one
and married her last week. We haven't met her yet but the local paper
has reported that she has so much money that it's silly. Even more than
David Cameron. I'd better go as I think that's Baron Hardup coming and I
have things to do back at the Hall. Ladies and Gentlemen... A big round

of applause for Baron Hardup and his lovely daughter Cinderella.

(EXIT.)
BARON HARDUP AND CINDERELLA ENTER FROM THE OTHER SIDE FOLLOWED BY HAPPY
VILLAGERS FROM ALL DIRECTIONS.
CINDERELLA: Welcome home Father.
VILLAGERS CHEER AND WELCOME HIM HOME. "HOORAY FOR THE BARON" "THREE
CHEERS FOR THE BARON" ETC.
BARON: Thank you all for such a lovely welcome. It's good to be back.
VILLAGER 3: We heard the news in the paper and we're really pleased for
you Sir.
CINDERELLA: I was sorry not to be at the wedding Father but I can't
wait to meet your bride. My new stepmother. Naturally no one can replace
my real mother but it's exciting to be making a new future. (EXCITED)
What is she like. Is she beautiful? Is she kind? Does she love kittens?
BARON: Ah... Yes... Well... She has lots of money.
CINDERELLA: Money? We don't need money Father. Just love.
BARON: Love doesn't pay the bills my dear. (TURNS TO VILLAGERS) My new
wife is very rich. Pots of the stuff. So if I owe money to anyone here
then I will be able to settle your bills soon. Please bring them to the
Hall when my new wife arrives and she will make sure they're all paid.
VILLAGERS CHEER AND EXIT IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
CINDERELLA: That's wonderful Father. We'll soon be back to our old
selves. Just the two of us plus my new stepmother.
BARON: Not quite my dear. There's one thing you need to know. Your new
stepmother has two daughters.
CINDERELLA: Two daughters? But that's good news isn't it? I'll have
extra hands to help me with the chores. And two new sisters. Well,
they'll be step-sisters I guess. (EXCITED) We can go shopping together
and choose new dresses and shoes and handbags. I can't wait. When do I
get to meet them Father?
BARON Today I think. They're coming on ahead to see if they like the old
pile and let me know if they want to stay. Actually I think I can hear
them now. Over here girls. (HE WAVES TO THE BACK OF THE THEATRE)
THE SISTERS - BENIDORMINA AND MAGALOOPHIA (THE UGLY SISTERS) - ENTER AT
THE BACK OF THE AUDITORIUM.

BENIDORMINA Coo-eee daddykins. We're here. We're here.

MAGALOOPHIA: This can't be right. Who are all these nasty people? Ugh!
It's the peasants. The lower classes. Hold on darling, I'm going in.
MAGALOOPHIA RUSHES TO THE FRONT STEPS WHILE BENIDORMINA PLAYS WITH
PEOPLE AMONG THE AUDIENCE.
BENIDORMINA: Oooo! What a find sister. You were looking for someone to
have a fling with.
MAGALOOPHIA: Yes, but most of these look like they need flinging back.
BENIDORMINA: Here's a nice one darling. (TO A MAN IN THE AUDIENCE.) This
one would look nice on your arm.
MAGALOOPHIA: You're leading up to the 'armless joke aren't you. I
wouldn't bother darling. They don't look intelligent enough to get it.
BENIDORMINA: (PICKING OUT A MAN) Smile lover boy!
MAGALOOPHIA Leave him alone. He looks like he's not seen any good
looking women like us in years. He'll want all sorts of unnatural
unmentionables.
BENIDORMINA: He's got lovely teeth though.
MAGALOOPHIA: Who do they belong to darling? Joey Essex?
BENIDORMINA: You know how you like lovely teeth. You said it was a sign
of virility.
MAGALOOPHIA: On a horse darling. A horse! Is he a horse darling? I don't
think so.
BENIDORMINA: Actually I think he might react well to a hunting crop.
(SHE MIMES HITTING THE MAN WITH A WHIP.)
MAGALOOPHIA: Don't be too familiar with the lower classes darling. You
know how they get over excited. We don't want them dribbling all over us
do we?
BENIDORMINA: (FINDING ANOTHER MAN IN AUDIENCE) I wouldn't mind this one
dribbling all over me. (TO LADY NEXT TO HIM) Does he dribble Madam?
(WAIT FOR ANSWER) They all do, when they're sleeping in front of the
telly, don't they?
MAGALOOPHIA: Hurry up darling, I think the peasants are starting to get
restless and we don't want to be down here if any of the men start to
rise up.
BENIDORMINA: Here's two together. Look! Mine's okay, but I'm not sure I

fancy your's
BOTH SISTERS SHOULD HAVE NOW REACHED THE FRONT STEPS AND START MAKING
THEIR WAY ONTO THE STAGE.
MAGALOOPHIA: Coo-eee daddykins. We're here.
BARON: Welcome to the village.
CINDERELLA: Yes, welcome.
MAGALOOPHIA: (LOOKING AROUND DISGUSTED) Is this it?
BARON: Is this what?
MAGALOOPHIA: Your gaff? The place where you're the big bad Baron?
BENIDORMINA: Is this where we're going to live? I don't like the look of
it.
BARON: We live on the hill. In Hardup Hall.
CINDERELLA: You'll love it here. All the village folk are really nice
and help each other when things go wrong.
MAGALOOPHIA: (LOOKING DOWN HER NOSE AT CINDERELLA) And you are?
BENIDORMINA: Obviously the Baron's skivvy. Tell her to get our bags.
MAGALOOPHIA: We left them out there (POINTING TO BACK OF THEATRE) They
were far too heavy for us little girls. Get them and bring them to our
rooms.
BARON: No, you've got it wrong. This is my daughter Cinderella.
BENIDORMINA: She still looks like a skivvy.
CINDERELLA: (SHE CURTSIES TO THE SISTERS) Welcome to our family. I'm
sure we'll get on well together as new sisters.
MAGALOOPHIA: Sisters! We don't want another sister. We like it as we
are.
BENIDORMINA: She still looks like a skivvy.
CINDERELLA: (IGNORING COMMENTS) I'm Cinderella your new sister. (SHE
GOES TO SHAKE THE UGLY SISTERS HANDS BUT THEY TURN AWAY) I hope we'll be
able to be friends and go shopping together and all sorts of fun things.
MAGALOOPHIA: (TO EACH OTHER) Is she talking to us?

BENIDORMINA: I don't think so.

BARON: Come on ladies. Surely you can all be friends?
MAGALOOPHIA: Not with skivvy'ella here.
BARON: Ladies please.
MAGALOOPHIA: (RELUCTANTLY TO CINDERELLA) My name is Magaloophia and this
is my sister Benidormina.
CINDERELLA: What lovely names.(PRONOUNCED TO EMPHASIZE THE "MAGALUF AND
BENIDORM" PARTS OF THE NAMES) Magalooph...ia and Benidorm...ina? They
have a slightly Spanish ring about them.
BARON: Quite unusual.
MAGALOOPHIA: Quite posh.
BENIDORMINA: Our mother used the same naming system as the Beckham's.
Like Posh and Becks when they named their boy Brooklyn. Named after
where they were when...
BARON: Shush! Children present!
BENIDORMINA: Like Posh, our mother named us after the place where she
was when she was... well... where she was when she was having a good
time. Don't you think that's posh?
CINDERELLA: (SARCASTICALLY) Oh yes. Very posh. Up-market even.
BENIDORMINA: In fact my sister is so up-market herself that she takes a
Waitrose carrier bag when she shops in Lidls.
MAGALOOPHIA: And my sister is so up herself... (PAUSE THEN TO AUDIENCE)
What? (BACK TO CINDERELLA) ...that she cuts out designer labels from the
charity shop and sews them onto her Primark clothes.
BENIDORMINA: So yes little skivvy'ella, we are truly up ourselves and
posh with a capital "osh".
CINDERELLA: And your clothes are so lovely. (POINTING TO THEIR FEET) Are
those Jimmy Choo's. Choo's shoes?
MAGALOOPHIA: (JUMPING BACK) Uggh! She just sneezed on us.
BENIDORMINA: The shoes darling. She means the shoes.
MAGALOOPHIA: Oh! They're not just anyone's shoes you know. They're OUR
shoes

BENIDORMINA: Stupid skivvy'ella.

MAGALOOPHIA: Stupid! Let's look at you then? If you're so fashion
conscious why look like a skivvy?
CINDERELLA: It's all I have left.
BARON: Cinderella sold her most expensive dresses when we lost all our
money. When I lost all the money. She sacrificed her lovely clothes to
buy bread and cheese.
CINDERELLA: That's all right Father. I was pleased to be able to help.
You've done so much for me in the past that...
BENIDORMINA: (QUOTING IN A SILLY VOICE) Oooo!You've done so much for me
in the past daddykins that I sold all my dresses to pay the nasty bills.
(NORMAL VOICE) It nearly makes you weep, doesn't it sister? BARON: I'll
leave you girls to get better acquainted.
(EXITS)
MAGALOOPHIA: And this is all you have to show for selling all your
clothes? This poor excuse for a dress?
BENIDORMINA: Let's have a look at you skivvy'ella.
THEY CIRCLE AROUND CINDERELLA AND POKE AND PROD HER. AS THEY PLAY AND
FLAP CINDERELLA'S CLOTHES ABOUT THEY PULL HARD AND ONE OF THE LAYERS OF
HER DRESS IS RIPPED OFF LEAVING HER STANDING IN A DRESS OF RAGS. THE
UGLY SISTERS STAND BACK TO ADMIRE THEIR HANDIWORK AND LET THE AUDIENCE
SEE CINDERELLA LOOKING SHOCKED. THEY WAVE THE RIPPED OFF PIECE OF
CLOTHING IN THE AIR IN TRIUMPH. CINDERELLA EXITS AT A RUN IN TEARS.
MAGALOOPHIA: Whoops! (STILL WAIVING THE REMAINS OF THE DRESS)
BENIDORMINA: At least she can use it as a duster.
MAGALOOPHIA: Quick, don't let her get away. We don't know the way to the
Hall.
THE UGLY SISTERS EXIT IN A HURRY. BUTTONS ENTERS FROM THE OTHER SIDE
WITH A RATHER PHALLIC LOOKING CACTUS (WITHOUT A FLOWER).
BUTTONS: (TO AUDIENCE) What's happened? Where is everyone? I thought
Cinders was here. I've just bought this cactus to always remind her of
me. I can't keep carrying it around though. It might droop. No lady
likes a droopy one, do they? I was hoping that I could give it to her.
And tell her that I loved her. I do love her you know. Always have. But
I'm not sure she loves me. I'm only the Baron's valet so it doesn't seem
right for her to love me does it? But I think she does. I hope she does.
I don't think she'd hold it against me just being a valet. I'm gonna

work my way up and one day... who knows where I might be? I do the
lottery every week so I'll soon be able to marry her when I win. Last
week I only missed the jackpot by six numbers. What can I do with this
cactus? I know. I'll put it over here in the shade where you can all see
it.
(HE PLACES CACTUS TO THE FRONT OF THE PROSCENIUM ARCH IN FULL VIEW AT
ALL TIMES)
Can you all keep an eye on it for me? I think it's going to flower soon
and I wouldn't want anyone to steal it before I give it to Cinders. If
you see anyone trying to touch it you will tell me won't you?
(AUDIENCE REACTION)
Shout out my name, "Buttons", and I'll come back to stop them. Do you
think you could do that? Shall we have a practice? I'll pretend not to
be me and be someone trying to steal my cactus. You shout "Buttons" when
you see me going for it. Ready?
BUTTONS TURNS AWAY FROM THE CACTUS AND TRIES TO LOOK INNOCENT, HANDS
BEHIND BACK WHISTLING AT THE SKY. THEN HE TURNS TOWARDS THE CACTUS AND
DOES AN OVER THE TOP TIP-TOE WALK TOWARDS IT.
(AUDIENCE REACTION)
BUTTONS: Very good. I think I should be able to hear that, but don't
forget that I might be asleep so you need to shout very loud. Let's just
try again to see if I can hear it while I'm snoring.
HE GOES THROUGH THE SAME ROUTINE AGAIN.
(AUDIENCE REACTION) SALT AND VINNIE ENTER RUNNING AND BUMP INTO BUTTONS
SENDING EVERYONE TO THE GROUND.
SALT: (AS THEY ALL GET UP) What's all the shouting about? Is there a
fire?
VINNIE: A fire? Is there?
(RUNNING ALL OVER THE STAGE IN PANIC, SHOUTING.) Fire! Fire! Don't
panic! Fire! Help! Fire! Don't panic! (LOOKING INTO THE AUDIENCE) Fire!
Is someone out there on fire? That lady at the back looks like she
getting hot. Probably her age. Don't panic. I'll get a bucket of water.
(HE EXITS RUNNING)
BUTTONS: There's no fire. It was just my friends shouting because
someone was stealing my cactus. (POINTS TO CACTUS)
SALT: That's a nice cactus. I could do with one like that for my

windowsill.
BUTTONS: Well you can't have it. I'm going to give it to my one true
love. Cinderella.
SALT: Oh look. (HE POINTS OFF STAGE AWAY FROM CACTUS) I think that's her
coming down the road. B
UTTONS: (LOOKING TO WHERE SALT IS POINTING) Where? I can't see her.
BEHIND BUTTON'S BACK, SALT STARTS TO DO AN EXAGGERATED TIP-TOE WALK
TOWARDS THE CACTUS. (
AUDIENCE REACTION)

VINNIE: (RUNNING ON CARRYING A BUCKET OF WATER AND MAKING FOR THE

AUDIENCE) Fire! Fire! Don't panic! Don't panic! (NEARLY THROWING THE
WATER INTO THE AUDIENCE)
SALT: Whoa! Don't do that?
VINNIE: Why not? We can't let this place go up. I've not had my
sandwiches yet and I don't want them toasted. (LOOKING AGAIN INTO THE
AUDIENCE) Who want's it. I don't know if I can reach the back row from
here.
SALT AND VINNIE NEED TO MAKE A SHOW OF THE FACT THAT THERE IS REAL WATER
IN THE BUCKET BY SPLASHING SOME ABOUT GENTLY ON THEMSELVES OR BUTTONS.
SALT: No one here's on fire.
VINNIE: It must be out the back then. (HE EXITS WITH THE WATER SPLASHING
A LITTLE AS HE GOES.)
BUTTONS: He wouldn't have thrown that water would he?
SALT: You obviously don't know Vinnie.
VINNIE RUNS BACK ON WITH WHAT LOOKS LIKE THE SAME BUCKET - THIS TIME IT
IS HALF FILLED WITH SMALL PIECES OF POLYSTYRENE COVERED IN COOKING FOIL
(TO MAKE THEM TRAVEL FURTHER).
HE STOPS AGAIN TO LOOK INTO THE AUDIENCE.
VINNIE: There's no fire out the back. It must be in the audience.
VINNIE RUNS DOWN THE STEPS INTO THE AUDIENCE AND PRETENDS TO THROW THE
CONTENTS OF THE BUCKET AT A FEW PEOPLE. EVENTUALLY AS HE HAS THE
AUDIENCE STARTING TO PANIC HE ACTUALLY THROWS THE CONTENTS HIGH INTO THE
AIR OVER A FEW ROWS OF THE AUDIENCE.

VINNIE RETURNS TO THE STAGE.

SALT: Now look what you've done. You've alienated half of the audience
against us.
VINNIE: And the other half won't like us either, once they know that
we're here to collect taxes.
BUTTONS: Tax collectors? Who exactly are you?
SALT: (SHAKING HANDS WITH BUTTONS) I'm Salt and he's Vinnie. How do you
do.
EVERYONE SHAKES HANDS WITH EVERYONE ELSE.
VINNIE: How do you do.
BUTTONS: How do you do too.
VINNIE: How do you two do too.
THEY END UP SHAKING HANDS WITH BOTH HANDS UNTIL IT IS SO CONFUSING THEY
HAVE THEIR HANDS CROSSED OVER WITH EACH OTHER FORMING A CIRCLE. THEY
START GOING ROUND IN A CIRCLE DANCING LIKE ROUND A MAYPOLE STILL HOLDING
CROSSED OVER HANDS AND SINGING "HOW DO YOU DO TOO" ETC. BUTTONS IS THE
FIRST TO BREAK THE CIRCLE AND STOP THE JOLLITY.
BUTTONS: Salt? And Vinnie?
SALT: Yes. We're almost twins.
VINNIE: Identical twins. Look at us. People can hardly tell us apart.
BUTTONS: I can see how that might happen.
SALT: To avoid the confusion we do the same thing as Ant and Dec.
BUTTONS: What, muck about in the jungle?
VINNIE: Not that. No! One of us always stands on the left and the other
one stands on the right.
SALT: Then people can tell who's who.
BUTTONS: So who stands on the left.
SALT: It doesn't matter.
BUTTONS: How come?

VINNIE: You don't get it do you? We're identical. So we can be whichever

one we like.
BUTTONS: Who's Salt today then?
SALT: I am.
VINNIE: And I'm Vinnie.
SALT: He always is.
BUTTONS: Now I'm totally confused. Actually I'm not sure it matters. Can
we get back to the story? Why are you here?
SALT: We've come to collect taxes. VINNIE: From Baron Hardup. SALT: He
hasn't paid his taxes for this year and he owes this much. (HE PULLS A
LONG PIECE OF PAPER OUT OF HIS POCKET AND UNROLLS IT. HE SHOWS IT TO
BUTTONS. THIS IS A LONG LIST LIKE A SUPERMARKET TILL ROLL BUT ENLARGED.)
BUTTONS: Wow! That's more than I earn from my part time job at McDonalds
SALT: Actually tax collecting is a part time job for us too.
VINNIE: In fact, it's our only job.
SALT: Once we collect this debt we'll have no more work.
VINNIE: Both of us. Him as well.
SALT: Thankfully we don't know where the Baron lives so it might take
days for us to finish this job.
VINNIE: Unless someone tells us where he lives of course.
SALT: You don't happen to know do you?
BUTTONS: What me? No. I have no idea.
VILLAGERS ARE STARTING TO GATHER AND ENTER ONE AT A TIME FROM EITHER
SIDE EACH CROSSING THE STAGE AND STANDING ABOUT IN GROUPS. AS THEY
ENTER, SALT AND VINNIE ASK THEM IF THEY KNOW WHERE THE BARON LIVES.
SALT: Do you know where Baron Hardup lives?
VILLAGER 1: Yes he lives up... (BUTTONS GESTURES TO KEEP QUIET)...I
don't think I remember.
VINNIE: Baron Hardup. Does he live 'round here? VILLAGER 2: Oh yes, the
Baron lives... (BUTTONS AND VILLAGER 1 GESTURE TO KEEP QUIET) ... Oh
that Baron. No, I've never heard of him.

SALT: Where does the Baron live?

VILLAGER 3: In the big house... (OTHERS GESTURE FOR QUIET) ... Oh no, I
thought you said the Heron.
VILLAGERS COME ON FASTER AND FASTER AND SALT AND VINNIE ARE ASKING ALL
AROUND. GRADUALLY THE PEOPLE IN THE CROWD ARE GESTURING TO THEIR
FRIENDS TO SAY NOTHING. SOON THE STAGE FILLS WITH ALL THE VILLAGERS.
SALT: We'll have to look somewhere else then.
BUTTONS: I'll show you somewhere you haven't looked.
(HE TAKES SALT AND VINNIE WITH HIM AND THEY ALL EXIT.)
VILLAGERS SING AND DANCE.
MUSICAL NUMBER. The Villagers (Song and Dance.) Suggestion: Those Lazy
Hazy Crazy Days of Summer. - Nat King Cole.
DURING THE SONG THE SCENERY FOR THE NEXT SCENE IS CHANGED AND SET BEHIND
THEM. ON THE LAST BEAT OF THE SONG THE VILLAGERS FREEZE INTO A TABLEAU
AND THE LIGHTING INSTANTLY CHANGES READY FOR THE NEXT SCENE.
END SCENE.

SCENE 2.
EXT. THE WOODS -- DAY
THE SCENERY IS A DARK AND HEAVY WOOD/FOREST AREA. AT LEAST ONE BUSH
(GROUND ROW) WILL BE STANDING TO ONE SIDE FRONT AND ADJACENT TO (OR PART
OF) THE WINGS. A FEW STICKS HAVE BEEN PLACED ON THE FLOOR. THE VILLAGERS
FROM THE PREVIOUS SCENE DISPERSE QUIETLY AND EXIT INTO THE SHADOWS AS
THE SCENE STARTS. PRINCE CHARMING AND DANDINI WALK OUT AND STROLL
BACKWARDS AND FORWARDS ACROSS THE APRON. SOMETIMES ONE MIGHT JUST STAND
WHILE THE OTHER WALKS ABOUT.
PRINCE: This looks like an interesting place.
DANDINI: It certainly does my Prince.
PRINCE: Do you know, I get fed up with all this "My Prince" lark. Yes
Prince, no Prince, three bags full Prince.
DANDINI: Yes but you were born a prince so it's never going to change.
It's your position in life.
PRINCE: Naturally you're right, but sometimes I wish that I could just

mix with all the normal people.

DANDINI: Take care what you wish. Sometimes wishes come true.
PRINCE: Oh Dandini. You have this gift of believing everything you're
told. And seeing good in everyone.
DANDINI: You don't belive in wishes then?
PRINCE: Not really. I've wished for many things in my life and have
never found that they come true.
DANDINI: Well if I was a prince then I would think that everything I
ever wanted had come true. You have money, a good education, servants
like me to help you with everything. What else is there to wish for?
PRINCE: My life might seem that way, and let me say Dandini, I don't see
you as a servant. You are more like a friend and guide.
DANDINI: But I am your valet. I have become your friend over these years
but I am never going to be in a situation like yours. After all, I
wasn't born a prince as you were.
PRINCE: Hmmm! Would you like to be a prince?
DANDINI: Naturally I would. Who wouldn't?
PRINCE: I wouldn't.
DANDINI: That's never going to change is it? You will always be a prince
and I will always be a servant.
PRINCE: Ah! But...! But what if we swapped places?
DANDINI: You mean...
PRINCE: Yes. You can be me and I can be you.
DANDINI: It would never work.
PRINCE: Why not?
DANDINI: Well for a start your parents would notice.
PRINCE: The King and Queen needn't know. We could just swap when we're
outside the palace grounds.
DANDINI: So, like now? I would be Prince Charming?
PRINCE: And I would be your valet Dandini.

DANDINI: To me it sounds like a great idea, but what would you gain? You
would have to stand back and watch people bow and scrape to me.
PRINCE: It would be fun wouldn't it? I could be a nobody. Oh that sounds
bad. Sorry Dandini.
DANDINI: That's fine. I understand what you mean but do you think it
would work?
PRINCE: I think we could fool the people with no trouble. It would also
give me a chance to meet a few girls of a different type. At the moment
all I get to meet are stuck up princesses from neighbouring kingdoms who
all think they are a gift of a wife for someone like me. They all want
to be Queens when I eventually become King, so they don't really look at
me for who I am beneath the robes. I want to meet a real girl. Someone
who will love me for the person I am and not just my title.
DANDINI: And I get to be the Prince?
PRINCE: Not forever. We just pretend for a while and see how it goes.
DANDINI: I think I could do that. What could be easier? I become a
prince...
PRINCE: Only for a few days.
DANDINI: ... which gives me the power to do all sorts of things that I
couldn't have done as myself.
PRINCE: Yes.
DANDINI: And you get to mix with the common people and look for a bride.
PRINCE: That's about it.
DANDINI: When do we start?
PRINCE: Right now if you like. Let's see... the next person we meet, I
will introduce you as me, Prince Charming.
DANDINI: Should we swap clothing or something?
PRINCE:(LOOKS AT YHE AUDIENCE) No, you look quite regal as you are.
DANDINI: Perhaps I should wear the Royal sash to make it more
believable.
THE PRINCE TAKES OFF THE SASH WITH THE ROYAL COAT OF ARMS AND GIVES IT
TO DANDINI TO WEAR.

PRINCE: There! Now you are the Prince.

(LOOKING DEEPER INTO THE STAGE)
But what is this? Where are we?
DANDINI: It's the woods my Prince.
PRINCE: I am not your Prince right now. Remember?
DANDINI: I fear this might be harder than we thought. PRINCE: Well here
is our chance to try it out. I can see someone coming along the path.
Why don't we stand over here and watch for a moment to see what happens?
THE PRINCE AND DANDINI STAND TO THE SIDE OF THE STAGE WHILE CINDERELLA
MAKES HER ENTRANCE ON THE OTHER. CINDERELLA IS CARRYING A BASKET IN
WHICH SHE IS GATHERING STICKS FOR THE FIRE. SHE PICKS UP SOME OF THE
STICKS THAT ARE AROUND AND PLACES THEM IN HER BASKET. CINDERELLA: There
isn't much firewood about today. But at least I should be able to find
enough to light a fire and keep us warm. (SHE COMES CENTRE STAGE AND
LOOKS DREAMILY INTO THE DISTANCE.) What an interesting life it must be
to live in the woods like a rabbit or a squirrel. No taxes. No worries.
As long as you remember where your acorns are buried the day is yours to
spend as you wish. MUSICAL NUMBER. Cinderella. Suggestion: I dreamed a
dream. From - Les Miserables. AS THE SONG FINISHES, THE PRINCE
(PRETENDING TO BE DANDINI) COMES FORWARD. PRINCE: I couldn't help
hearing you. You have an enchanting voice. CINDERELLA: Thank you kind
sir. I thought I was on my own and didn't expect to be heard. PRINCE:
I'm sorry that I disturbed you. Let me introduce myself. I am
Prince..... I am principally Dandini. Valet to the Prince. CINDERELLA:
The Prince? You know Prince Charming? PRINCE: I work for him. In fact we
were just walking in the woods together and we saw you gathering wood.
CINDERELLA: You mean the Prince is here somewhere? DANDINI STEPS FORWARD
OUT OF THE SHADOWS. DANDINI: (OBVIOUSLY ACTING) Hello young maiden. I am
sorry that we startled you. My Man and I (THE REAL PRINCE SMOTHERS A
GIGGLE BEHIND HIS HAND) were just happening to come this way and found
you on the path. CINDERELLA: (CURTSEYING LOW) Your Highness. (TO THE
REAL PRINCE) Please tell the Prince that I had no idea that anyone was
about. If I had known that his Highness was... PRINCE: You can tell him
yourself. CINDERELLA: But he is Royalty and I am just a girl of his
people. DANDINI: Feel free to speak directly to me as if I was just like
a servant. Rather like Dandini here. (THE REAL PRINCE GIGGLES BEHIND HIS
HAND AGAIN.) CINDERELLA: (CURTSYING LOW) Your Highness it is an honour
to meet you. If I had known that you were on the path ahead of me I
would have stepped into the bushes and made way for you. Cinderella 14
DANDINI: You should do no such things. And anyway, if you had, then we
would not have heard your lovely song. PRINCE: And seen your lovely
face. CINDERELLA TURNS AWAY IN EMBARRASSMENT. DANDINI: Perhaps we should
be on our way now. It's getting late and we will be expected back at the
palace. PRINCE: A good point my Prince. But why don't you go back alone.
I am sure they won't miss a lowly servant like myself. (IN A STAGE
WHISPER TO DANDINI) Clear off and leave me with this lovely girl.

(EXAGGERATED ACTING VOICE) As a Prince I can see that you need to be

back at the palace to carry out your Royal duties. DANDINI: (EXAGGERATED
ACTING VOICE) Ah yes! That would be so. I should go. I had not thought
of that, my servant. I will go with all haste and speed. (STAGE WHISPER
TO PRINCE) I'll be over there if you need me. (EXAGGERATED ACTING VOICE)
I go now. See me go. Farewell lovely maid. I am going. I go to the
palace to do... er... prince type things. (EXIT) CINDERELLA CURTSEYS.
PRINCE: Now we are alone, can I help you in your task. CINDERELLA: Thank
you, yes. I was collecting wood for the fire. If you can help me find
any kindling sticks or fir cones then we will have a good warming blase
tonight. CINDERELLA AND THE PRINCE PICK UP A FEW MORE STICKS WHILE
CONTINUING TO CHAT. PRINCE: It must be nice to be free to do what you
want and go where you please. CINDERELLA: Don't you have the same
freedom? The palace must give you some time to yourself every now and
then. PRINCE: They do, but I have never ventured out this far before.
This is a interesting place, and to find someone as lovely as you here
was a nice surprise. CINDERELLA: Why thank you for the compliment Sir.
But look how the sun is starting to dip. It's getting late and I must
finish my task. Father will be waiting for me. And thank you for your
help with the wood. You can think of my family warming ourselves around
the fire tonight. PRINCE: I will think of nothing else. CINDERELLA EXITS
PRINCE: (CALLING AFTER HER) When can I see you again? (HE GETS NO
ANSWER) Dandini! Where are you? DANDINI: (ENTERS, SPEAKING IN AND
EXAGGERATED ACTING VOICE) I am here my trusty servant. PRINCE: You can
stop acting now. DANDINI: Oh! PRINCE: Who is she Dandini? I think I'm in
love. I need to know who she is. We need to find her so I can meet her
again. Cinderella 15 DANDINI: She is a girl from one of the large houses
in the kingdom I'm sure. But I've no idea how to find her. Did you get
her name? PRINCE: No she didn't give it. We must find a way for me to
meet her again. DANDINI: I know. Why don't we put your profile on the
social networking site "TwitFace"? Handsome Price, looking for girl in
woods for love and marriage. Must be kind and have a lovely singing
voice. PRINCE: Do you think that would work? DANDINI: Not a chance. All
the weirdos of the world would come out of the woodwork at the thought
of being a princess. Some of them might even be cross-dressers. PRINCE:
You mean, men dressed as women, and women dressed as men? DANDINI: There
are some strange people about who go in for that kind of thing. PRINCE:
We don't want any of that do we? DANDINI: I've an idea. What about we
hold some balls? PRINCE: Who's balls. DANDINI: Your balls. PRINCE:
(LOOKING DOWN) I'm not sure that's possible. DANDINI: No, I mean dance
type balls. A ball. In the ballroom. A masked ball perhaps. Or fancy
dress. And we invite all the ladies from the area to attend. PRINCE:
That sounds a wonderful idea. Then she will be there and I can reveal
who I really am. DANDINI: I'll go and organise it right away. Will you
be all right on your own? PRINCE: I'll be fine. I'm told there are a few
woodland creatures around here and it would be nice to observe them.
They don't come out when there are lots of people about. I'll see you
back to the palace. DANDINI EXITS AND THE PRINCE COMES TO CENTRE FRONT.
Musical number. Prince. Suggestion: It's a Beautiful Day - Michael
Buble. THE PRINCE MUST SING THIS AS NORMAL AND AS SERIOUS AS POSSIBLE
AND MUST TOTALLY DISREGARD ANYTHING GOING ON BEHIND HIM OR ANY AUDIENCE

REACTION. AFTER THE FIRST VERSE OF THE SONG A LARGE GLOVE PUPPET RABBIT
POPS UP FROM BEHIND A LOW BUSH AND STARTS SWAYING IN TIME TO THE MUSIC.
AFTER A FEW MOMENTS HE IS JOINED BY ANOTHER DOING THE SAME THING. AGAIN
AFTER A FEW MOMENTS ANOTHER WOODLAND PUPPET POPS UP AND JOINS IN WITH
THE SWAYING. Cinderella 16 A FEW MOMENTS LATER A FOURTH WOODLAND PUPPET
POPS UP AND SWAYS, BUT THIS ONE IS HOLDING A SMARTPHONE WITH A "CANDLE
APP" RUNNING ON IT. (NOTE: SPREAD THIS BUSINESS THROUGHOUT THE SONG SO
THE LAST PUPPET DOESN'T ARRIVE TOO QUICKLY.) AT THE END OF THE SONG THE
PRINCE QUICKLY LOOKS BEHIND HIM BUT THE PUPPETS DUCK DOWN BEFORE HE
TURNS. HE LOOKS BACK AT THE AUDIENCE, SHRUGS, TURNS AND WALKS OFF.
(EXITS) AS THE PRICE EXITS THE LIGHTING LEVELS DROP ON THE MAIN STAGE
AND THE AREA OF THE WOODLAND PUPPETS IN HIGHLIGHTED WITH A SPOT. THE
PUPPETS REAPPEAR FOR A BOW. UNDER THE COVER OF DARKNESS THE FAIRY
GODMOTHER ENTERS ON THE OTHER SIDE DURING THE PUPPETS BOW. THERE IS A
FLASH AND THE FAIRY GODMOTHER IS LIT IN A SPOTLIGHT. SHE CARRIES A LARGE
CLOAK. (THE PUPPETS GO INTO DARKNESS AND EXIT.) GODMOTHER: No pantomime
is ever right, if magic does not rule the night. My wand will help poor
Cinderella, when she goes off to meet her fella. I need to know she's
pure and kind, before I show what's on my mind. I know the future and
can see, that any moment she'll need me, to show some magic big and
strong, when things have gone so very wrong. But first I need to prove
she's good, I'll hide beneath this cloak and hood. She will be tested
with a task, that I will hint, and never ask. And should she pass this
test and all, she will go to Prince Charming's ball. Now here she comes,
I must disguise, before she sees with her own eyes, she has a fairy,
which is me, who guides her life. So watch and see. CINDERELLA ENTERS
CARRYING HER BASKET OF WOOD AS THE LIGHTING COMES UP ON THE MAIN STAGE
(EVENING) AND THE GODMOTHER'S SPOTLIGHT GOES OUT. THE FAIRY GODMOTHER
THROWS ON HER LARGE CLOAK WITH A HOOD. THIS COVERS UP HER FAIRY COSTUME.
SHE WALKS WITH A STOOP, PRETENDING TO BE AN OLD LADY. THEY MEET IN THE
CENTRE FRONT. GODMOTHER: Hello child? I see you have a basket of wood.
Can you point me in the direction of where you found such a nice amount?
Then I can collect some for myself. CINDERELLA: Yes of course. But it's
getting late and it will be dark soon. I don't know if you will be able
to see by the time you get there. Cinderella 17 GODMOTHER: I must try. I
can't go through the night without a fire in my hearth and I have no
more kindling wood to get it started. CINDERELLA: Have you tried fir
cones? They are an easy way to light a fire. GODMOTHER: Thank you for
your advice. I will see what I can find tomorrow. Right now I am very
tired and as you say, I need to be home before dark. CINDERELLA: But you
can't be without a fire in your hearth tonight. Here, I will share some
of my wood with you. GODMOTHER: That is very kind of you. I am so cold
that if I am unable to keep my fire going then... CINDERELLA: That can't
be allowed to happen. (SHE PASSES OVER HER BASKET) There, you can have
all my sticks. We have a few logs left at home and I am sure that
Buttons will manage to build them into a fire for us even if it's small.
GODMOTHER: Thank you my dear. Is there anything that I can do for you in
return? CINDERELLA: Oh, I don't need anything. Father and I have been
managing for quite a while now so I'm sure we'll be fine tonight.
GODMOTHER: Thank you again my dear. I will return this kindness when you
need it most. CINDERELLA: When I need it most? GODMOTHER: Yes. When you

need it most I will return the favour? Now go, you are needed by your
family. Go home Cinderella. CINDERELLA: How do you know my...?
GODMOTHER: Home with you. CINDERELLA EXITS. GODMOTHER: And so she goes
and doesn't know, that fate will strike an awful blow. But I will watch
and use my magic, when things get bad or thing get tragic. She proved
her worth and kindness too, I will not leave her in a stew. My wand will
wave and in a flash, she'll look a girl with lots of cash. Oh look, a
cactus growing fine, I think that I could make it mine. THE FAIRY
GODMOTHER POINTS TO THE CACTUS ACROSS THE STAGE AND THE AUDIENCE SHOULD
(HOPEFULLY) SHOUT FOR BUTTONS. BUTTONS ENTERS ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE AND
MAKES A BIG DIVERSION SO THAT THE FAIRY CAN SLIP AWAY POSSIBLY
UNNOTICED. BUTTONS: Hey, thanks for waking me. I was asleep and snoring
a bit. Has someone been trying to steal my cactus? It seems fine now.
But thank you anyway. I can't stay long as our story is moving along
very fast. (MORE) Cinderella 18 (CONT'D) In fact, via the wonder of
pantomime, we are skipping forward 24 hours. Ready?... Zwoooosh! There.
We are now in the next day. You didn't feel a thing did you? My darling
Cinders is still having problems with her newstep-sisters so I must try
to help her out. A HAND BELL RINGS FROM BEHIND THE WOOD/FOREST
BACKCLOTH. BUTTONS: That's one of the step-sisters now. They have a bell
which they ring whenever they want anything. I've got to answer it.
DURING THIS LAST SPEECH THE BACKCLOTH IS LIFTED/REMOVED AND THE
BUSH/WING PULLED OFF. THE LIGHTING CHANGES TO THE NEXT SCENE. END SCENE.
Cinderella 19 SCENE 3. INT. HARDUP HALL KITCHEN -- DAY THE BACKCLOTH
FROM THE PREVIOUS SCENE IS REMOVED TO REVEAL THE KITCHEN. BUTTONS WALKS
INTO THE SCENE WHERE THE UGLY SISTERS ARE SEATED AT THE TABLE. EACH HAS
A HAND MIRROR. (FACING EACH OTHER, CENTER FRONT) ONE IS RINGING A HAND
BELL. MAGALOOPHIA: At last! The Bell Hop answers the bell. BUTTONS: I am
not the bell hop. I am the Baron's gentlemen's gentlemen. In fact I
guess in today's world you would call me his P.A. MAGALOOPHIA: Does P.A.
stand for Pretty Appalling? BENIDORMINA: Which is exactly what you are.
We've been ringing this bell for so long that it's giving us a headache.
MAGALOOPHIA: Find little skivvy'ella for us then. BUTTONS: Her name is
Cinderella. And that's not my job. MAGALOOPHIA: Well it's certainly not
ours darling. Just do it. BENIDORMINA: We need her to help us make
ourselves look even more beautiful for the ball. BUTTONS: (TO AUDIENCE)
It's going to take a few trips to B&Q and a lot of Polyfilla to make
these two look any good. MAGALOOPHIA: Find her and send her here. The
last time we saw her she was cleaning the windows in the scullery. Or
was she scrubbing the bathroom floor? BENIDORMINA: I think you'll find
she was sweeping out the soot from the fire. She looks so right covered
in dirt. BUTTONS EXITS. MAGALOOPHIA: What do you think darling? Should I
wear white to the ball? Is that sending the right signal? BENIDORMINA:
Signaling purity and innocence you mean? When was the last time you were
pure and innocent? MAGALOOPHIA: Last Friday. I turned down some French.
BENIDORMINA: French? MAGALOOPHIA: With my Big Mac. French fries. Well a
girl has to keep her young and fabulous figure. BENIDORMINA: And where
exactly do you keep your's? MAGALOOPHIA: This darling... (STANDING AND
POSING) is in the best shape it's ever been. BENIDORMINA: I'd hate to
see it when it's fat and aging then. MAGALOOPHIA: You don't think a sexy
little black number might be better? I want to send a signal to the boys

that says - Come and get me lover. I've got more than enough to throw
around and if you're lucky a handful of it will be coming your way. (SHE
GIVES A HIP THRUST.) BENIDORMINA: A message like that would need
nautical signaling flags. Plus a few sailors to help get you ship shape.
Cinderella 20 MAGALOOPHIA: Now you're talking. I could use a couple of
sailors below decks. BENIDORMINA: While they're there you could get them
to hoist the main brace. MAGALOOPHIA: That would be nice but you don't
want to be branded as a flirt do you? I mean, I always find it's best
just to give in easily. CINDERELLA ENTERS. CINDERELLA: Hello sisters.
How exciting. A glamorous ball. In the palace. With a prince attending.
MAGALOOPHIA: You'd better help with my hair. BENIDORMINA: No, I need her
to help with my make-up. MAGALOOPHIA: But she's helping with my shoes.
BENIDORMINA: What about me? I need her to help with my dress.
CINDERELLA: Yes, yes of course. I'll give you all the help you need
before I get ready myself. MAGALOOPHIA: Get ready yourself? You don't
think you're going do you? BENIDORMINA: For one thing, you've nothing to
wear. MAGALOOPHIA: So you can't go, even if we allowed it. CINDERELLA:
Actually I do have a dress. It's nothing much but it will have to do.
Buttons and I put it together out of one of my Mother's dresses. We
altered it to fit. MAGALOOPHIA: I don't belive you. BENIDORMINA: Nor do
I. Where is this stupid dress? CINDERELLA: It's hanging in the cupboard.
(SHE RUNS HAPPILY TO THE CUPBOARD AND GETS THE DRESS.) Look how lovely
is it. Not as lovely as yours of course but at least it's better than
nothing. MAGALOOPHIA: Let me see. (TAKING THE DRESS FROM CINDERELLA)
Oooo, look at this sister (SHOWING IT TO BENIDORMINA) A darling little
dress that looks so flimsy, floaty and fragile. BENIDORMINA: You should
take care with it as it could catch on something and be ripped to
pieces. THE UGLY SISTERS ARE TEASING CINDERELLA WITH THE DRESS. WAVING
IT HIGH IN THE AIR LIKE A FLAG AND THEN DRAGGING IT ALONG THE GROUND.
CINDERELLA: Please. Please. Take care. It's the only dress I have. If
I'm to go to the ball it's my only hope. THE DRESS IS LOST FROM SIGHT
FOR A MOMENT BETWEEN THE TWO UGLY SISTERS THEN APPEARS AGAIN RIPPED IN
HALF FROM TOP TO BOTTOM. CINDERELLA LOOKS ON HELPLESS AND IN SHOCK AS
THE UGLY SISTERS STAND ON EITHER SIDE OF HER WITH HALF OF THE DRESS
EACH. Cinderella 21 THE SISTERS HOLD THE TWO HALVES ON THE FRONT OF
CINDERELLA AS IF TO MAKE IT FIT BACK TOGETHER AGAIN. MAGALOOPHIA: Oh
dear. Now look what you've done. BENIDORMINA: See skivvy-ella. If you
hadn't made such a fuss this would never have happened. CINDERELLA:
(DISTRESSED) But what am I going to do now? I need a dress to go to the
ball. MAGALOOPHIA: I think I saw another one in the cupboard.
CINDERELLA: Really? BENIDORMINA: (SURPRISED) Really? MAGALOOPHIA: Yes,
didn't you see it sister? (WINKING AT HER SISTER.) BENIDORMINA: Oh...
THAT dress. The one IN the cupboard. MAGALOOPHIA: Yes, IN the cupboard.
CINDERELLA: (RELIEVED) Do you think it will fit? MAGALOOPHIA: Oh I'm
sure it will. A least the cupboard will fit. BENIDORMINA: Don't you mean
the DRESS will fit? MAGALOOPHIA: I know what I mean. Let's see shall we?
THE SISTERS GUIDE CINDERELLA TO THE CUPBOARD, WHERE THEY OPEN IT, PUSH
HER INSIDE AND SHUT THE DOOR. BENIDORMINA: Suddenly it's gone all quiet.
A few moments ago there was lots of chatter about three ladies going to
the ball. But suddenly... MAGALOOPHIA: ...One has disappeared. What a
shame. BENIDORMINA: Yes. Shame. THEY GO BACK TO THEIR DRESSING TABLES

AND MESS AROUND A BIT MORE WITH THEIR IMAGES IN THE MIRRORS. MAGALOOPHIA
PICKS UP A BOTTLE OF GUINNESS AND DABS SOME ON HER WRISTS, BEHIND HER
EARS, AND FINALLY DRIPS A LITTLE DOWN HER CLEAVAGE AND JIGGLES HER BUST
ABOUT. MAGALOOPHIA: Got to give the boys a taste for it haven't you?
(LOOK IN THE MIRROR) Oh no! Disaster! A spot! What I really need is some
new face cream. To make my baby-like skin even softer. BENIDORMINA: Aloe
Vera? MAGALOOPHIA: What? Someone in the audience called Vera?
BENIDORMINA: No... Aloe Vera. MAGALOOPHIA: It's Hhhh-ello darling. Not
'allo. Don't go dropping your aitchs like that. People will think we're
common. BENIDORMINA: No... Aloe Vera. MAGALOOPHIA: Hhhh-ello Vera
please. Cinderella 22 BENIDORMINA: No you don't understand. There's this
fantastic stuff called Aloe Vera that's good for skin and it helps
prevent wrinkles. MAGALOOPHIA: Too late for you then darling.
BENIDORMINA: Apparently it's a plant oil that you get from... well...
plants. MAGALOOPHIA: What sort of plants. BENIDORMINA: A type of cactus.
MAGALOOPHIA: Ha! Where are we going to find a cactus around here?
BENIDORMINA: Actually I thought I saw one earlier. MAGALOOPHIA: Where?
BENIDORMINA: Look! Over there. (POINTS TO CACTUS) MAGALOOPHIA: Do you
think anyone would mind us borrowing it? BENIDORMINA: I don't know if we
could call it borrowing. We'd have to cut it into pieces, pummel it
about a bit then crush it to extract all the juices. There might not be
much of it left. MAGALOOPHIA: Could we still call it borrowing though
darling? BENIDORMINA: I think so. We would be giving some of it back.
The flower-pot. THE SISTERS STAND UP AND START TO GO TOWARDS THE CACTUS.
(AUDIENCE REACTION) BUTTONS RUNS ON STAGE. BUTTONS: Who's touching my
cactus? BENIDORMINA: Yours? (TO AUDIENCE) Oh no it's not. BUTTONS: Oh
yes it is. THE UGLY SISTERS SHOULD LEAD THE AUDIENCE IN A RAUCOUS
SHOUTING MATCH. ALL: Oh yes it is. (Oh no it's not.) Yes it is. (No it's
not.) Is, is, is. MAGALOOPHIA: (TO AUDIENCE) Who just said "Snot snot
snot"? BENIDORMINA: We need that cactus. MAGALOOPHIA: To help with our
skin. BUTTONS: I can't let you have it. It's for Cinders. When it
flowers I'll be giving it to her as a token of my love. BENIDORMINA:
Love! You and little skivvy-ella? Don't be silly. WE need it. And we
need it NOW! Because we're worth it. BUTTONS GRABS THE CACTUS AND SO DO
BOTH THE SISTERS. THEY PUSH AND PULL EACH OTHER ABOUT AS THEY WRESTLE
FOR THE PLANT. MAGALOOPHIA: Give it to us. It's ours. Cinderella 23
BENIDORMINA: We need it. Let go. Do as you're told. DURING THE TUSSLE
SOMEONE IS HEARD BANGING ON THE DOOR AND THEY STOP FIGHTING. BUTTONS
GENTLY PUTS THE CACTUS BACK IN PLACE. BUTTONS: That will be the Royal
Herald. They said someone would be coming to bring the tickets for the
ball. (BUTTONS EXITS.) MAGALOOPHIA: (EXCITED) Oh goodie. We're going to
the ball. BENIDORMINA: (EXCITED) Dancing with the Prince. All night.
MAGALOOPHIA: How can he resist us? BENIDORMINA: Not when he sees us in
our glad rags. MAGALOOPHIA: He won't know which one to choose.
BENIDORMINA: He'll choose me. MAGALOOPHIA: No, me. It's obvious darling.
He'll choose the good looking one. BUTTONS ENTERS WITH THE ROYAL HERALD.
HERALD: His Royal Highness the ever so lovely Prince Charming with the
cute little dimple on his chin, has proclaimed that all eligible ladies,
lovies and gentlemen are invited to dance on his balls. Sorry, AT his
ball. I am to deliver one ticket to Baron Hardup... BUTTONS: (TAKING
TICKET) I'll give that to him. HERALD: ...and I have three swanky wanky

tickets for the ladies of the house. BENIDORMINA: But there's only two
of us. HERALD: Uno momento mine dingo. His Royal Highness was insistant.
He can be a right little tarter when he want's to you know. He foretold
me there were one, doss, tree, ladies in residention here. MAGALOOPHIA:
There's just us two little chickies. HERALD: No no oh no mon duet der
pimpy. My written down writing says that I should deliver three. And I
know that the little Princie wincy's instructions must be obeyed or else
it's the jelly mould for me again. BUTTONS: There IS one more.
Cinderella. I'm not sure where she is at the moment but I'll give her
the ticket later. BENIDORMINA: (GRABBING ALL THREE TICKETS BEFORE
BUTTONS GETS TO THEM) Don't worry. We'll make sure she gets the message
next time we see her. MAGALOOPHIA: Will Prince Charming be at the ball?
HERALD: The Prince is looking for a bride so he will be pealing his eyes
and ogling only the most pretty faces. BENIDORMINA: Good job we're
coming then. THE HERALD BOWS LOW TO THE SISTERS AND EXITS. MAGALOOPHIA:
Three tickets. We don't need three tickets. Cinderella 24 BUTTONS: Give
me the one for Cinders and I'll make sure she gets it. BENIDORMINA:
Don't worry. We saw her earlier and she won't be needing it. IN OBVIOUS
VIEW SHE TEARS THE TICKET IN HALF AND THROWS THE BITS TO THE FLOOR.
BUTTONS RETRIEVES THE TWO HALVES. JUST AS HE STANDS UP WITH THE PIECES
THEY ARE GRABBED FROM HIM BY MAGALOOPHIA WHO TEARS THEM AGAIN AND STUFFS
THE PIECES DOWN HER CLEAVAGE. MAGALOOPHIA: It would be a brave man who
digs for gold in them there hills. BENIDORMINA: Are you ready to be my
bridesmaid sister. MAGALOOPHIA: It will be me he falls in love with
darling. BENIDORMINA: Let's go to the ball and see. THE TWO SISTERS
MARCH OFF WITH BENIDORMINA PROUDLY HOLDING TWO TICKETS HIGH AND IN VIEW
BUT SLIGHTLY BEHIND HER EYE LINE. AS SHE PASSES BUTTONS HE MANAGES TO
PLUCK ONE OF THEM OUT OF HER HAND UNNOTICED. THE SISTERS EXIT. BUTTONS:
(TO AUDIENCE) Has anyone seen Cinders? (AUDIENCE REACTION) What? In the
cupboard? How did she get in there. BUTTONS GOES TO THE CUPBOARD AND
RELEASES CINDERELLA. CINDERELLA: Oh Buttons, my step sisters were
helping me and the cupboard door closed accidentally. I got stuck
inside. I can't go to the ball now. I don't even have a ticket. BUTTONS:
Don't worry. I've managed to hold a ticket back for you. Get your dress
and you can make yourself ready. CINDERELLA: That's just it. The dress
has been ruined. (SHE SHOWS HIM THE DRESS) I have nothing else to wear.
And my step sisters will have already gone in the family carriage so I
couldn't even get there if I wanted to. BUTTONS: I see what you mean.
But don't worry. We can have our own ball right here. Just you and me.
CINDERELLA: Oh Buttons. You're so kind. How can we? BUTTONS: We can do
that thing called pretend! BUTTONS GETS A TABLE CLOTH AND DRAPES
CINDERELLA IN IT. BUTTONS: You look fantastic my lady. CINDERELLA: Thank
you my dashing Buttons. SHE DANCES AROUND LIGHTLY. HE THEN GETS A
COLANDER AND MAKES A BIG SHOW OF PLACING IT ON HER HEAD. BUTTONS: Your
diamond crown my lady. CINDERELLA: Oh Buttons. You certainly know how to
spoil a girl. Cinderella 25 BUTTONS GOES OFF AND COMES BACK WITH A ROW
OF CARROTS ON A STRING, LIKE A NECKLACE. HE PUTS THIS ROUND HER NECK.
BUTTONS: A 9 carrot necklace for the most beautiful girl at the ball.
Can I have this dance? MUSICAL NUMBER: Buttons. Suggestion: Three Times
a Lady - Lionel Ritchie BUTTONS AND CINDERELLA DANCE TOGETHER BALL ROOM
DANCE STYLE) FOR AT LEAST THE FIRST FEW BARS OF THE OPENING MUSIC TO GET

THEM TO THE SIDE FRONT OF THE APRON. CINDERELLA REMOVES HER DRESSING UP
THINGS AND HANDS THEM TO BUTTONS, THEN THEY TURN AND FACE THE AUDIENCE
AND BUTTONS GOES INTO THE SONG. A SCRIM CURTAIN (NET/TRANSLUCENT) CLOSES
DURING THE SONG. ALL LIGHTING BEHIND THE THIS IS FADED TO DARKNESS AND
THE SCRIM CURTAIN IS LIT ONLY FROM THE FRONT. THE SCENE CHANGE TO THE
TRANSFORMATION OF THE COACH ETC IS MADE BEHIND THE SCRIM. CINDERELLA:
(SAD) Oh Buttons. You're so kind to me. Trying to change my mood. I
really wanted to go to that ball, but it was not to be. BUTTONS: Hey! I
have an idea to cheer you up. My pets. I keep them in my room. Would you
like to see them? CINDERELLA: Well... (SIGH) All right. I suppose it
might take my mind of the ball for a moment. BUTTONS: Wait there. I'll
be back. Who said that? CINDERELLA: It was you. BUTTONS: No. Who said
"I'll be back"? In the film? CINDERELLA: Film? What's film? BUTTONS:
Whoops! I forgot. We haven't invented film yet, have we? What year is
this? CINDERELLA: It's the year that all pantomimes are set in, Buttons.
Even you should know that. BUTTONS: Yes, right. Anyway, don't go away.
(VOICE LIKE ARNY) I'll be back. (EXITS) CINDERELLA: (WHILE SINKING TO
THE FLOOR) Buttons is so lovely. I know he means well but I don't feel
like being cheered up at the moment. Everything has gone wrong and my
dream of going to the ball and meeting the Prince again have all come to
nothing. Who said "Dreams can come true"? Certainly not me. MUSICAL
NUMBER: Cinderella. Suggestion: Some People's Lives - Bet Midler. THE
LIGHTING CONCENTRATES DOWN ON CINDERELLA DURING THE SONG, WITH THE MAIN
STAGE FADING TO DARKNESS AND CINDERELLA IN A FOLLOW SPOT. THE FAIRY
GODMOTHER ENTERS IN THE DARKNESS ON THE OTHER SIDE. AS THE SONG FINISHES
CINDERELLA STARTS TO SOB AS SHE SINKS TO THE FLOOR EVEN MORE WHILE SHE
CUDDLES HERSELF INTO A BALL. Cinderella 26 THE SPOTLIGHT GOES OUT ON THE
LAST NOTE OF THE SONG. THERE IS A BRIGHT FLASH NEAR THE FAIRY GODMOTHER
AND ALL THE LIGHTS (FRONT OF SCRIM ONLY) COME BACK TO NORMAL. GODMOTHER:
As I foretold, the time is now. She needs my help. We all know how. Her
deed of good will be repaid, when all is lost, and hope duth fade. So
watch and learn you sinners all, for Cinders WILL go to the ball. SHE
CROSSES TO CINDERELLA AND ASSISTS HER TO HER FEET. CINDERELLA: Who are
you? GODMOTHER: Do not be sad my child. I promised that I would come to
help when you were at your lowest. Now is that time. CINDERELLA: But...
Do I know you? I don't remember any promise. GODMOTHER: Do you remember
the old lady in the woods who you gave your bundle of sticks to?
CINDERELLA: Yes indeed. But... GODMOTHER: That was me. I am your Fairy
Godmother. CINDERELLA: I didn't know that I had a Fairy Godmother.
GODMOTHER: Everyone does. All children and some a little older have
someone looking after them from afar. Hardly anyone ever knows we exist,
but we are here, keeping watch. And in times of need, yet only if that
child is a good person, we will step forward to reveal ourselves.
CINDERELLA: And you are mine? GODMOTHER: I have come to your aid in your
deepest hour of need. CINDERELLA: I am not in need of anything. I have a
loving Father and people like Buttons around me to keep my spirts up.
GODMOTHER: Yet they do not have the same powers as me. They are not able
to summon huge magic with the swish of a wand. Tell me your hearts
desire child and I will make your wish come true. CINDERELLA: This is
where I should ask for World peace and wanting to work for charity isn't
it? GODMOTHER: Please don't make jokes at a moment like this. Time is

running out. Any spell that I cast on you tonight will only last for
this day. Until midnight. I know that you wanted to go to the ball. Is
that still your wish? CINDERELLA: Well yes. I wanted to go, but my dress
got ruined and the ticket got torn, and my sisters have already left
with the family carriage. I don't see how... GODMOTHER: Cinderella my
child. When you have a Fairy Godmother on your side, anything is
possible. BUTTONS ENTERS HOLDING A BOX. Cinderella 27 BUTTONS: Have I
missed anything. (SEEING THE GODMOTHER) Ooooh! It this a fancy dress
party? GODMOTHER: What do you have in the box? BUTTONS: Who want's to
know? CINDERELLA: This is my Fairy Godmother. We all have one it seems.
BUTTONS: I don't. GODMOTHER: Oh but you do Buttons. Well actually in
your case it's a Godfather... BUTTONS: Not Marlon Brando?
GODMOTHER: ...and he looks after you without you knowing. BUTTONS: Was
it him who gave me the knitted reindeer jumper at Christmas? GODMOTHER:
That would probably have been Father Christmas. BUTTONS: No relation
then? GODMOTHER: Naturally we all chat to each other and know if you've
been good, but... Enough of this. We need to get Cinderella ready for
the ball. Buttons, what have you got in the box? BUTTONS: It's my two
pet mice. Snowy and Disney. CINDERELLA: Oh how sweet. Snowy is such a
lovely name. But why Disney? GODMOTHER: (TO AUDIENCE) I fear an awful
joke coming. BUTTONS: I call him Disney because he Dis-ney have a name.
GODMOTHER: Hmmm! Tonight your mice will pull Cinderella's magic coach.
BUTTONS: (HE PULLS THE MICE FROM HIS BOX AND HOLDING THEM BY THEIR
TAILS, DANGLES THEN AT THE AUDIENCE IN HOPE OF A REACTION) These little
things will never pull a coach. GODMOTHER: Hold them high. BUTTONS HOLDS
THE MICE HIGH AND AT THE CENTRE OF THE SCRIM. SOME "MAGICAL" HANDS
COVERED WITH A LONG GOLD GLITTERING GLOVES COME THROUGH THE UNOPENED
SCRIMS AND TAKE THE MICE THROUGH. (OR THE WINGS IF THERE IS NO CENTER
OPENING IN THE SCRIM) GODMOTHER: I will turn them into white horses. Is
there a pumpkin in the house. BUTTONS: Shouldn't that be "Is there a
Doctor in the house"? CINDERELLA: I think there's one in the kitchen
garden. BUTTONS: Didn't we use that on Halloween? I'll go and look. (HE
EXITS) GODMOTHER: I will turn the pumpkin into a beautiful coach for you
to ride to the ball. CINDERELLA: But I don't have a dress to wear.
Cinderella 28 GODMOTHER: From your dress of rags I will create the most
wonderful ballgown. It will be covered in jewels and you will look like
a princess. You will be called the Princess Crystal. BUTTONS: (RETURNING
WITH THE PUMPKIN) Is this big enough? It's the only one I could find.
GODMOTHER: Send it with the mice and stand back. BUTTONS HOLDS THE
PUMPKIN AT THE CENTRE OF THE SCRIM (OR WINGS) AND THE SAME "MAGICAL"
HANDS AS BEFORE TAKES IT FROM HIM AND PULLS IT THROUGH THE CURTAINS. THE
"HANDS" ACTOR MUST INSTANTLY GET OFF THE STAGE SO THAT THE LIGHTS BEHIND
THE SCRIM CAN COME UP TO REVEAL THE COACH. AT THE SAME TIME THE FAIRY
GODMOTHER MAKES A FEW "MAGICAL PASSES". POSSIBLY SOME TINKLING STYLE
MUSIC PLAYS OR A SET OF FAIRY BELLS ARE SHAKEN BACKSTAGE. CINDERELLA
STEPS OFF STAGE FOR AN INSTANT. AT THIS POINT THE LIGHTS COME ON BEHIND
THE SCRIM TO REVEAL THE COACH. THE LIGHTS TO THE FRONT OF THE SCRIM DIM.
THE SCRIMS SLOWLY OPEN. See production notes for ideas on
transformation. NOTE: This transformation scene is the end to the first
half, so should be as big and flashy as you can make it. Giving the
audience something exciting before the interval. Use all the theatre

toys at your disposal to produce something spectacular. Smoke, flashing

lights, exciting music. Make it a BIG production. CINDERELLA ENTERS IN
HER BALLGOWN. BUTTONS GOES TO HER AND ESCORTS HER TO THE COACH. BUTTONS:
Doesn't she look lovely? Like a princess. GODMOTHER: She is the Princess
Crystal. BUTTONS: You look a million Dollars Cinders. GODMOTHER:
Remember my child, everything I have created will only last until
midnight. You MUST leave the ball before then. When the clock strikes
twelve the coach and horses will disappear. Your dress will return to
rags. Do you understand? CINDERELLA: Yes Fairy Godmother. I understand.
I will be home before midnight. GODMOTHER: Then go my child. Our wishes
are with you. GO CINDERELLA. GO TO THE BALL. THE COACH STARTS TO MOVE
OFF AS BUTTONS AND THE FAIRY GODMOTHER WAVE. CLOSE CURTAINS. END SCENE.
END ACT I. INTERVAL. T