1

Creating Your Best Life by Feeding the Right Wolf

A friend recently e-mailed me the following advice written by an anonymous
author:
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside
me," he said to the boy. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is
evil -- he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt,
resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority; and the other is good -- he is
joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy,
generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. This same fight is going on inside you and inside every other person, too."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather,
"Which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one we feed."

The simplicity and truth of this advice almost took my breath away. And it
started me thinking about how I could pay more attention to feeding the right wolf. After
all, you cant just set out a bowl of food and hope the good wolf eats and the bad one
stays away. You have to have a plan.

How to Stop Feeding the Wrong Wolf

In order to minimize the part of your day spent feeding your negative emotions,
try these simple tips:

2005 Leigh Anne Jasheway, lajfun@aol.com www.accidentalcomic.com

Anger & Resentment

When you feel these emotions bearing down on you, count to ten.

Backwards. In another language. The more complicated the better, because it will
take you even longer and youll have more time to get a leash on your anger.

Take five deep breaths (not so deep you inhale the dust bunnies though!).

As you exhale, imagine anger loping off down the hill, never to return again.

Practice distraction theory. Every time you feel yourself about to let

your anger get the better of you, distract yourself with something silly, like blowing
bubbles, honking a bicycle horn, or imagining yourself as Little Red Riding Hood.
Little eruptions of anger will usually pass by if you dont pay them any attention.

Go for a walk. Walking away gives you physical distance from your

emotions, as well as providing you time to cool off. Just be sure to leave some
breadcrumbs behind if you need a long hike!

If you feel slighted by someone, rather than building up resentment,

compliment that person sincerely on something you admire about them. Youll feel
better about yourself and perhaps shell act more humanely towards you the next
time.

2005 Leigh Anne Jasheway, lajfun@aol.com www.accidentalcomic.com

Envy & Self Pity

Next time you feel the green-eyed beast raring its ugly head, make a list of

ten things you have in your life that youre really thankful for. Start with your pack
(family & friends!)

If that isnt enough to stop your envy, try making a list of the

disadvantages of possessing the thing youre longing for. For example, that new
SUV your neighbor just drove home in means higher monthly bills for insurance,
more money for gas, constant worry that a big bad wolf will scratch the door in a
parking lot, etc.

Stop crying wolf. The language we use when thinking about our lives

helps shape our perspective. If your inner voice always says things like Why does
this always happen to me? or I never have any luck, you create a sense of selfpity that does nothing but make you miserable. Try changing at least one of your
regular negative thoughts to something more upbeat, even if its just Things could
be worse.

Sorrow

Howl at the moon. Too often when bad things happen in our lives, we put

on a happy face and try to move on too quickly. Give yourself time to vent your
feelings so that you can move past them. But remind yourself that you will move
past them you always do.

2005 Leigh Anne Jasheway, lajfun@aol.com www.accidentalcomic.com

Travel in packs. One of the best ways to let go of your tears is to hang out

with your favorite friends. Make sure you schedule regular outings with the people
who make you happy.

Sorrow feeds in the darkness, so get out into the bright light of day. Open

the curtains, turn on the lights, or better yet, get outside and feel the sun on your
face.

On your next good day, write a positive note to yourself to read the next

time you feel like whimpering and hiding in a cave. Be sure not to bury it
somewhere you cant find it!

Regret & Guilt

Life is all about making choices and whenever you choose one path

through the woods, you choose not to follow another. Imagine how silly it would
be to regret or feel guilty about every choice youve made in life that didnt turn out
like you wanted (Darn, I should have parted my hair on the left side this
morning!) Wild animals dont waste time on regret you shouldnt either.

Sing the blues. Write a silly blues song about things you regret doing or

not doing in your past. How about the I Wish I Hadnt Called My Boss Queen of
Denial When She Was Within Earshot Blues? Then sing it to your family. If
your dog howls along, even better!

2005 Leigh Anne Jasheway, lajfun@aol.com www.accidentalcomic.com

If you notice a pattern between certain things you do and feelings of guilt,

stop doing those things! Call your mother. Send birthday cards out on time. Quit
trying to pass off store bought cookies as homemade at the school bake sale. Just
attach a note that says, The fire department says I shouldnt be allowed in the
kitchen ever again.

Greed

The next time you feel yourself wanting MORE, MORE, MORE, leave

your comfortable den and go spend some time with someone who has less. Theres
nothing like a fresh sense of perspective to make you happy with what you have.

Often the best way to stop greed in its tracks is to give some of the things

you have that you no longer use away. Next time you are about to spend money on
things you dont really need just because you saw them in a store or catalog,
rummage through your closet or attic for anything you can take to your favorite
local charity.

Get out your Polaroid or digital camera and take pictures of at least five

things you thought you absolutely had to have that ended up hidden away in a
closet or covered with spiders in the garage. Put the photos on the refrigerator with
a sign that says The Hall of Greed & Shame.

2005 Leigh Anne Jasheway, lajfun@aol.com www.accidentalcomic.com

Arrogance, False Pride, & Superiority

Most of us dont consider ourselves arrogant, but we hold arrogant beliefs.

For example, do you think that college graduates are smarter than blue-collar
workers? Do you believe that its a better use of your time to chat with your boss
during your break than a secretary? Try to identify your own arrogant thoughts and
challenge them daily.

Whenever you feel better than someone else, remember that in other

circumstances, that person may be superior to you. For example, you may be great
at math, but lousy at singing karaoke. We all have our own talents and skills.

If you regularly find yourself boasting and feeling superior, do things

youre really bad at to remind yourself of your limitations.

Give someone else credit for something good youve done. And never

take it back.

Inferiority & Lies

Do you tell little white lies to make yourself feel better? Are your kids are

the best soccer players ever to play the game? Did you get a perfect score on your
SATs way back when? Correct one lie this week youve been perpetuating for a
long time and see if the truth doesnt make you feel like howling in relief.

2005 Leigh Anne Jasheway, lajfun@aol.com www.accidentalcomic.com

We often make ourselves feel inferior by creating a false image of

someone we admire. Stop holding your tail between your legs and cowering.
Remember, were all human and even those people you most admire have their
own faults and self doubts.

Next time you compare yourself to someone and feel inferior, call a friend

who thinks you hung the moon.

Take out your drivers license and read your age and weight. Laugh.

Now pledge that the next time you get your license renewed, youll tell the truth
and nothing but the truth.

Feeding the Right Wolf

Now that youve learned some techniques for keeping the bad wolf away, here are
some ways to invite the good wolf into your life:

Joy

Start your day frisky by waking up with a song on your lips. Pick a joyful

tune to sing, hum, or whistle. Some possibilities: Let The Sun Shine In by the
Beatles, Twas a Sunny Day by Paul Simon, Keep on the Sunny Side by The Whites
(from the O Brother, Where Arent Thou soundtrack.)

2005 Leigh Anne Jasheway, lajfun@aol.com www.accidentalcomic.com

Wolf-whistle your approval. Acknowledging the accomplishments of

others loudly and often will bring them joy, and a world with more joy in it is a
much better place for everyone.
-

Show your teeth, in a good way, by smiling at least once an hour. A smile

invites people into your life who want to share your joy (and usually scares away
those with Irritable Scowl Syndrome!)

Post this quote by Carlos Castaneda where you can see it every day: We

either make ourselves strong or we make ourselves miserable. The amount of work
is the same.

Always carry hard candy in one pocket and dog treats in the other. That

way someone will always be overjoyed to see you.

Peace

Refuse to believe that its a dog-eat-dog world. Opt instead to believe in a

world where mother wolves take in other cubs and raise them as their own. Set an
example by doing something wolf motherly today.

Remember theres a difference between play-fighting and real fighting.

Only bare your teeth when you really have to.

Be a peaceful animal this week. Dont kill any member of any species

you find inside your home (ants, spiders, dust bunnies) Either live and let live or
start a relocation program.

2005 Leigh Anne Jasheway, lajfun@aol.com www.accidentalcomic.com

Join an organization committed to waging peace on earth such as Amnesty

International (www.amnesty.org), Stop The Violence/Increase the Peace

(www.stoptheviolence-ca.org), or Increase Peace (www.peaceinc.org).

Love
-

Play with your cubs. Nothing speaks love to children like spending time

with them.
-

Mark your territory by doing something heartfelt for everyone you love

this week. A phone call, a foot rub, a squeak toy (for the dog or cat, not your
grandma, although who knows, she might enjoy it too), can be all it takes to let
them know how you feel.
-

Do one thing today that you really dont enjoy, but that someone will love

you for doing. Take out the trash, balance the checkbook, clean out the iguanas
ears Actions speak love louder than words.
-

Make a list of five things you can love about a person you consider

unlovable. Put it in your wallet so next time that person turns into a werewolf, you
can pull it out just in the nick of time and respond with love.

Hope

Foster an attitude of hope by choosing to see the good in everyone and the

potential for good in everything that happens, good or bad. Just as we humans used

2005 Leigh Anne Jasheway, lajfun@aol.com www.accidentalcomic.com

10

to believe wolves were dangerous and evil until we acknowledged their beauty and
importance, we can also change our opinions about others.

Create a Hope Chest. Take a small box (a shoe box will do) and fill it

with clippings of stories that give you hope, such as children raising money for the
hungry or someone stopping to rescue a stray animal. Take out your box whenever
you feel disheartened and hopeless.

Give someone the gift of hope by encouraging his or her dreams. If your

daughter dreams of dancing the ballet, buy her toe shoes. If your best friend
dreams of becoming a major league baseball player, get her a cup!

Humility

Learn to apologize sincerely and often. Saying Im sorry can be as

difficult for us humans as learning to fly would be for a wolf. But the inability to
apologize when we are wrong (or just obstinate and argumentative) can create rifts
in relationships than can take months to heal.

Next time you receive kind words for a job well done, or better yet, an

award of some kind, make sure to howl the praises of everyone who helped you
with the accomplishment. Think of it as your night at the Oscars!

Identify one person youre no longer going to try to impress. Its a lot of

work trying to run around like a wolf in sheeps clothing (or a sheep in wolfs

2005 Leigh Anne Jasheway, lajfun@aol.com www.accidentalcomic.com

11

clothing!) Stop trying to convince your mother-in-law youre a good cook. Or

acting as if you like football just to fit in with the guys. When you accept yourself
for who you are, it becomes easier to accept others as well.

Kindness

Leave your mark behind. When you go out to eat and your waiter or

waitress does an extraordinary job (and they often do, we just fail to notice), leave a
larger tip and a note thanking them. The money will be spent much sooner than the
words of appreciation.
-

Go to a bookstore this week and buy a book that inspires you to be a better

person. Buy two copies and leave one at the front desk with instructions that the
next person in line gets it for free.
-

Dont wait for a full moon to donate blood.

Dont invade your neighbors territory. Instead of using a leaf blower

(which is ranked by most people as one of the most obnoxious and un-neighborly
devices on earth), rake by hand. Use a people-powered mower instead of a gas
mower. Youll not only be neighborlier, youll get your exercise without having to
pay for a gym membership.

2005 Leigh Anne Jasheway, lajfun@aol.com www.accidentalcomic.com

12

Benevolence & Generosity

Sign up to be an organ donor. Donating your vital organs when you no

longer need them is one of the most generous things you can do in life (and
beyond.)

Rewrite your will to include charitable giving when youre gone. Without

charitable trusts, many wildlife preserves wouldnt exist, schools wouldnt have
new computers, and shelters for abused and neglected children wouldnt get built.
If you dont have a will, this is the time to write one. Its really not that scary
(except for the part where you have to pay the lawyer for legal services.)

My, what big eyes you have the better to read! Take time to help teach a

child or an illiterate adult to read. A commitment to helping someone become

literate is a long-lasting gift not only to that person, but also to his or her family and
community.

Compassion and Empathy

Share the spoils bring a sandwich and cold drink to someone standing on

the side of the road with a sign asking for help. And a bag of food for their dog if
they have one with them.
-

Be kind to all animals. When you go to the store this week or shop online,

choose to purchase only products that havent been tested on animals. A good
resource to find out which products are compassionate is the NAVS booklet
Personal Care for People Who Care, available from their website: www.navs.org.

2005 Leigh Anne Jasheway, lajfun@aol.com www.accidentalcomic.com

13

Help keep others warm during the winter. If you enjoy going to garage

sales, keep an eye out for warm coats, sweaters and blankets you can buy
inexpensively. Collect these and donate them this fall to your local homeless
shelter or mission.

Truth and Faith

Spend as much time as you can out in nature. A simple walk in the

woods, a day in the garden, or a weekend spent camping out can restore your faith
in God and nature.

Dont be a lone wolf join a congregation. Whether you go to a church, a

synagogue, or a regular meeting of people who believe the same things you do, just
sharing your beliefs with others can help you deepen your faith and reconnect to
your spirituality.

Stop waiting for the fairy tale ending. Life is about making every day

special, not about sitting around waiting for your fairy godmother to show up and
get rid of the wolf at the door. Have faith in yourself and your loved ones instead
and you will be rewarded over and over.

Stare up at the moon and stars with wonderment and awe. Life is amazing

when you take the time to look around. So find yourself a heavenly body or a
constellation (how about the Dog Star?) and vow to look for it in the night sky at
least once a week in order to remind yourself of the miracle of life.

2005 Leigh Anne Jasheway, lajfun@aol.com www.accidentalcomic.com

14

By feeding the right wolf, you not only do you improve your own life, you make
the whole planet a better place to live. And if you think you dont have the time or
energy to change your old negative habits, remember it takes just as much time to feed
the bad wolf as it does the good.

2005 Leigh Anne Jasheway, lajfun@aol.com www.accidentalcomic.com