Charisma Myth

Summary
Downtalk
Reduce how quickly and how often you nod
Pause for two full seconds before you speak.

Presence
Presence is the real core component of charisma, the foundation upon which all else is built.

Be present by:
Focussing on your breath and toes for a split second to come back to reality. If distracted, move toes
to become present.
Confident posture: occupy large space, wide stance, eye contact around the pupils
Power
"Fight or flight?" is the power question.

Obstacles to Charisma

Be in a comfortably physical position. If you cannot avoid, be polarizing and state it to the
person.
Be comfortable with uncertainty, if concerned about uncertainty, transfer the concern to a
higher power such as fate or entropy.
Use positive evaluation rather than negative evaluation
Self criticism, should be avoided. Treat it as just graffiti and transfer it to a higher power
such as entropy.
Avoid shame by remembering how interesting a person I am and how it is a normal emotion
that everybody feels at some point. We are humans and we adapt.
When thinking negatively, it is your brain playing tricks and giving you a distorted view of
reality as it can also omit positive thoughts. Don't assume thoughts are accurate, call it 'The
Shit', depersonalize it as not you, realize you will survive the situation because the worst
case scenario is not as bad as having your head chopped off. Think of all the times you've
survived that feeling.
Be comfortable with discomfort by breaking social customs: Hold eye contact
longer, experiment with personal space, stand with your back to the
elevator door, and strike up conversations with strangers.

Mental State
Close eyes and imagine a time when you felt in God Mode, what you were feeling, what was
happening around, what did the triumph feel like.
Develop go to visualizations:
Gym - Tough Mudder
Escalation at Game Imagine a 20 second passionate hug

Build compassion understand how they feel, imagine their past and present and put
yourself in their shoes

Self compassion remember the things that you care for yourself. Think of a time when
you performed a good deed. Then think of one being who could have great affection for
you. Feel them giving you complete forgiveness and wholehearted acceptance. With all
your imperfections, you are perfect.
Music before a high pressure scenario
Get into God mode before an important situation OR better start the day off in God
Mode

Charisma Styles

Focus charisma requires presence. People feel that you are fully present and with them,
listening to them, absorbing what they say, and understanding them.

It has two risks: If you display too little power, then you appear too eager or
subservient. And if you show too little warmth, your interaction may feel like an
interview or interrogation.

Visionary charisma requires projecting complete conviction and confidence in a cause.

They may not be warm people, but they feel passionately about their vision.

People accept whatever you project, so if you seem inspired, they will assume you
have something to be inspired about.

Kindness charisma is based on warmth. It connects with people's hearts so they feel
welcomed, cherished, and completely accepted.

It has the risk of making you seem overeager to please, and it can lead to adulation
and potential over-attachment.

Authority charisma is based on perception of power. We evaluate it through body

language, appearance, title, and the reaction of others.

But without emanating warmth, it can inhibit critical thinking in others, suppress
important feedback, and can easily make you appear arrogant.
To decide which elements of charisma to bring out, you must assess what's best suited to your
personality, your goals, and the situation.

Small Talk

Use the bounce back technique to keep the spotlight on them: Answer the question with
a fact, add a personal note, and then redirect the question to them.

To exit a conversation with grace, offer something of value: information they might find
useful, a connection or introduction, an organization you belong to, or an award you
think they should be nominated for.

Never downplay a compliment, accept it, let it show on face and thanks.

Avoid, No problem and Don't worry. People will associate, problem and worry.
Instead use we'll take care of that, thats straightforward enough

Use down-talk and breath through nose.

Keep 3 second eye contact with person before leaving

To increase poise, avoid nodding more than once, excessive verbal reassurance, and
restlessness or fidgeting.

Difficult situations
The most effective and credible compliments are personal and specific. When you show people
how they've impacted you, they feel that in a sense they've made you.
Reminding people that they chose you, your company, your service, or your suggestion is one
of the best ways to maintain their support for you or your idea.
To truly depersonalize criticism, don't mention their actions at all, and just explain what's going
on for you: "When I don't see a finished presentation until the last minute, I feel anxious."
When delivering critical feedback, start on a positive note. Then tell them what you want to see
from them, as opposed to what you don't want to see. Depersonalize the behavior change.
If you sense defensiveness, dial up your warmth. Mention something they've done well in the
past. Display on your face a state of goodwill, and let their mirror neurons replicate the
emotions they see in you.
End critical feedback with next steps, appreciation of how well they took your feedback,
and anything that both of you can look forward to in the future.
When you apologize in person, you have the greatest number of tools at your disposal:
body language, facial expressions, vocal tone, and choice of words.
When apologizing, first hear them out without rebutting and fully understand. Then say
you're sorry with thoughtfulness and concern. Show that you understand the
consequences, and steps to ensure it won't happen again.
On the phone, communicate presence. Use the same body language you would use in
person. Answer the phone crisply and professionally, and then after you hear who is
calling, let warmth and enthusiasm emanate.
Presenting with Charisma

When presenting, select the single most important idea and present it crystal clear, in one
sentence. It should have three supporting points, because we think in triads.
Each point should open with stories, metaphors, analogies, numbers, and statistics that
your audience can relate to. Close with a clear point or a transition to the step you want
the audience to take.
Audiences remember beginnings and endings, so don't end with a Q&A. Let the
audience ask questions during the presentation; this increases their participation and
energy level.

When crafting your sentences, use the word you as often as possible, create sensoryrich graphics, beware negations, and keep them short.

Avoid irritants, or sounds or movements that do not add to your message. Every one of
them is a form of communication that demands a portion of your audience's attention.
To project power and own the stage, adopt a wide stance, practice without a podium or
lectern, and find the right volume to project confidence.
To project warmth, speak as if you were sharing a secret, and give one or two seconds
of eye contact per person as you roam the stage.
Pause frequently and deliberately. Have the confidence to make your listeners wait for
your words. Also pause for three seconds after you first walk on stage, while sweeping
your eyes across the audience.
If you make a mistake, tell yourself that moguls and entertainers do this to make
themselves more relatable. De-stigmatize and de-dramatize.

Make a speech all about your audience. This takes the focus off yourself, lifts your selfconsciousness, and puts you into a state of goodwill.

Warmth
"Friend or foe?" is the warmth question.

Be genuinely interested and attracted to the person

Do not assume what the person is feeling about you, discuss the possibilities and choose the one
that gets you in a good mood.
Be empathetic

Communication
Verbal:
Verbal first impression: Elevator pitch. Short, snappy and no unnecessary chatter
1. Tell me about yourself?
2. What did you do last weekend?
3. What do you have planned this weekend?
4. How do you know the person introduced to me?
5. What brought you here?
6. Passions
7. Job
Slow speech down slightly.
Emulate Jay Leno.
Positive spin on a negative aspect of a story
Principle 5: Say something specific, detailed, graphic and descriptive

Principle 6: Ice break with superficial commonality

Topics for Men:
Women
Sports
Work
Business
Cars
Gym
Topics for Women to Women:
Appearance
Hair
Clothing
Recent events
Food
Opposites:
Gym
Events
Mutual Friends
Carol Fleming BOOK:
Discover what we share at that moment? Location, mutual friend, interest, clothing, music etc
Reveal something about yourself to that shared reality.
Focus on core commonality eg. Trait, emotion, fear, aspiration.
Principle 8: Know and play in your wheel house.
Learn more about your wheel house topics and its associations:
Football
Music
Djing
Traveling
Expand on each to know and understand more.