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LavenderMagazine.com
 Contents | [ Minnesota's Gay-Lesbian-Bisexual-Transgender Magazine ]

LavenderMagazine.com
New Lavender Digital Edition.

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

38 Minneapolis Jewish Film Festival
Features Two GLBT Gems
40 On the Townsend
The Music Lovers • A Report on the Banality
FLIP
FOR

18 of Love • The Spanish Tragedy • Macbeth •

Gilberto Gil: The String Quartet • Maria/Stuart
• Metamorphosis
THE NEW
LAVENDER
DIGITAL
EDITION
44 The Page Boy
Big Noise: A Jo Spence Mystery • Damn Good
Food: 157 Recipes from Hell’s Kitchen • The
Ticking of the Bomb: A Memoir • Vieux Carré
Voodoo + DIGITAL EXTRAS: DINING GUIDE

Use Your Black “Bar” Tab To Find

BAR SCENE YOUR CHANCE TO WIN
46 Bar Advertiser Guide
Find Your Way to Hot Spots PRIZES EVERY ISSUE!
46 Bartender Spotlight
Lush: Steve
48 Bar Showcase
Photo by Hubert Bonnet Brass Rail
Colette Bar & Bistro 50 Bar Calendar
Plan Your Bar Outings ALLISON MOORER
CROWS, CDS
52 Lavender Lens
Womyn Unlimited MN Gala

DINING OUT SPORTS & LEISURE

54 Get Outta Town
FOR LIFE Boston: Hoofing It in Beantown ALLY
MCBEAL–SEASON 2,
WITH SVEN BACKTALK DVDS AVENUE Q, TICKETS
61 The Network
SUNDGAARD Business Services Directory
63 LavenderMagazine.com Calendar WandaWisdom.com
Photo by Hubert Bonnet Plan Your Fortnight America’s ORIGINAL Podcasting
Drag Queen
65 Dateland
P.S. I Love You: Part 1 Spring is here and your
66 Community Connection favorite podcasting drag
GLBT-Friendly Nonprofits queen has all sorts of fun
COMMUNITY DIALOGUE for you to participate in!
8 A Word in Edgewise 68 Classifieds Stay tuned this month for
The Long Gray Line Marches Out Find Some Classy Stuff exciting surprise guests,
appearances and maybe
10 Queer As Folks 69 Ms. Behavior even a few giveaways!
Franken Meets with PFund • Pride Institute Are Kilts Drag? Click on over to http://
Holds Open House • Theater + Speed Dating wandawisdom.com to find
= Fun
73 Yellow Pages Advertiser Index out what’s hot and how to
What’s Where This Issue join in the fun! Photo by Brian Roby

CUISINE 73 Cartoon
Cover Feature Trolín
12 Dining Out for Life 74 Consider the Source
Join Sven Sundgaard in Raising Money for The Dear Dr. Lovenot: BigGayNews.com
Aliveness Project Your daily podcast of GLBT world
18 Off the Eaten Path news!
Colette Bar & Bistro: Traditional French Cuisine
with an Occasional Caribbean- or Asian-Inspired Top Headlines
Dish Dutch Angry Over US General’s Claim
24 Cajun Cookin’ That Gay Soldiers Led to Massacre
Gumbo and Boudin Are Lake Charles Specialties Lt. Dan Choi Arrested at White
House During Rally
30 Burger Jones NY Woman Says She Was Tricked
Serves Cornucopia of Unique Burgers and More Into Marrying Gay Immigrant
Transgender Woman Sues Under Law She
HOME & YARD BOULEVARD
March 26–April 8, 2010

Helped Write
34 How To
Plan the Perfect Dinner Party Get Your News in 12 Languages!
Big Gay News now offers TWELVE foreign language
NEWS & POLITICS ISSUE 387
March 26, 2010
Next Up
ISSUE 388
newswires! You can get international GLBT news from
36 Big Gay News Cuisine, Dining Out for April 9, 2010
hundreds of sources in twelve different languages. There
National and World News is absolutely no other site offering this much relevant
Life, Worship Guide GLBT Weddings content. Visit http://biggaynews.com today!

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LavenderMagazine.com
 Volume 15, Issue 387 • March 26–April 8, 2010

Editorial
Editor Emeritus Ethan Boatner 612-436-4670
Editorial Director Russell Remmick 612-436-4671
Editorial Associate George Holdgrafer 612-436-4672
Podmaster Bradley Traynor 612-436-4669
Contributors Kolina Cicero, Meryl Cohn, Carla Continenza,
Julie Dafydd, Heidi Fellner, Terrance Griep, Ed Huyck, Steve
Lenius, John Michael Lerma, Jennifer Parello, Todd Park, Kevin
Quinn, Sara Rogers, Amber Schadewald, Vince Sgambati,
Elizabeth Stiras, John Townsend, Carla Waldemar
Advertising
Sales & Advertising Director Barry Leavitt 612-436-4690
Senior Account Executive Suzanne Farrell 612-436-4699
Account Executives Jonathan Halverson 612-436-4696,
Michael Ladzun 612-436-4697
Sales & Advertising Traffic Coordinator
Linda Raines 612-436-4694
Advertising Associate George Holdgrafer 612-436-4672
Classifieds Suzanne Farrell 612-436-4699
National Sales Representative Rivendell Media
212-242-6863
Creative
Creative Director Hubert Bonnet 612-436-4678
Creative Assistant Mike Hnida 612-436-4679
Creative Intern Andy Scott
Photographer Sophia Hantzes
Cartoonist Rodro
Lavender Studios Hubert Bonnet, Mike Hnida
Administration
Publisher Lavender Media, Inc.
President & CEO Stephen Rocheford 612-436-4665
Vice President & CC Pierre Tardif 612-436-4666
Chief Financial Officer Carolyn Lima 612-436-4664
Administrative Assistant Austin Lindstrom 612-436-4661
Founders George Holdgrafer, Stephen Rocheford
Inspiration Steven W. Anderson (1954-1994), Timothy J. Lee
(1968-2002), Russell Berg (1957-2005), Kathryn Rocheford
(1914-2006)

Letters are subject to editing for grammar, punctuation, space,

and libel. They should be no more than 300 words. Letters must
include name, address, and phone number. Unsigned letters will
not be published. Priority will be given to letters that refer to
material previously published in Lavender Magazine. Submit let-
ters to Lavender Magazine, Letters to the Editor, 3715 Chicago
Avenue South, Minneapolis, MN 55407; or e-mail <editor@lav-
endermagazine.com>.

Lavender Media Inc.

3715 Chicago Avenue South, Minneapolis, MN 55407
LavenderYellowPages.com
612-436-4660 office
877-515-9969 toll free
612-436-4685 fax
612-436-4664 subscriptions
612-436-4671 distribution
612-436-4698 advertising
March 26–April 8, 2010

LavenderMagazine.com BigGayNews.com WandaWisdom.com

Entire contents copyright 2010. All rights reserved. Publication of the name or
photograph of any person, organization, or business in this magazine does not
reflect upon one’s sexual orientation whatsoever. Lavender® Magazine reserves
the right to refuse any advertising. This issue of Lavender® Magazine is available
free of charge during the time period published on the cover. Pickup at one of our
distribution sites is limited to one copy per person.

6
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LavenderMagazine.com
 Community Dialogue > A Word in Edgewise
The Long Gray Line Marches Out
A
recent online ar-
ticle by Matt Sed-
ensky in the Fort
Wo r t h S t a r- Te l e g r a m —
“Gay, Trans Seniors Come
Out Late, Start Second
Lifetime”—caught my eye.
It seems folks in their 60s,
70s, and even 80s are allowing themselves
to realize—and act upon—feelings that have
lain dormant for decades, or a lifetime.
The piece is framed around the story of
Bill Farthing, of Oakville, Missouri, a widow-
er who on his 75th birthday “decided to be re-
born.” After 45 years of marriage, he was back
to feeling, as he had long ago, “lonesome, dif-
ferent, outcast,” considering suicide.
Instead, as Sedensky related:
“Farthing dressed in the most basic
of blue wool skirt suits he could find on
the Internet, with a white blouse and low-
March 26–April 8, 2010
8
heeled, open-toed white shoes, and went
shopping. Arms loaded with skirts and
blouses from the clearance rack, [he] ap-
proached the checkout.
‘Did you find everything you wanted,
ma’am?’ the cashier asked.
Farthing looked over his shoulder, then
realized she was talking to him. He had
pulled it off.
He had become a she.”
Sedensky found that not only are GLBT
kids coming out earlier, but also older folks,
tired of living a secret, are emerging—
like Sue Pratt, 74, of Kirkwood, Missouri,
who in her 60s, according to the article,
“answered a personal ad and slowly began
coming out to her loved ones as a lesbian.”
It’s not an emergence welcomed by or taken
well by everyone. But she commented, “I
didn’t want to have a secret. It doesn’t mat-
ter if I lose every friend that I have, this is
[ by E.B. Boatner ]
what I have to do.”
These two vignettes show just how pow-
erful the imperative to claim one’s true self
can be, even when it entails a price to pay.
Even though one of her neighbors runs
indoors when she comes out, and some rela-
tives have cut her off, Farthing nevertheless
asserted, “For the first time ever, my life
feels like it’s in the right place. I’m going to
check out of this world the way I was meant
to come into it.”
We’ve made progress in this country.
Homosexuality, male and female, no longer
is diagnosed as a mental illness, although
“transsexuality,” or Gender Identity Disorder
(GID), is—and marriage for same-sex couples
is not yet on the horizon in many places.
Perhaps as both younger and older gen-
erations step up and open up, it will mean
less room for bigotry and intolerance in the
middle.
9
LavenderMagazine.com
 Community Dialogue > Queer As Folks

Photo by Sophia Hantzes

PRIDE INSTITUTE
HOLDS OPEN HOUSE

After completing some new and exciting

remodeling projects, on March 2, Pride
Institute held two open houses to allow
people to tour the facility. During the tours, Photo by Sophia Hantzes

it announced new developments taking

place at both the residential and outpa-
tient facilities. Pride Institute is a GLBT FRANKEN MEETS WITH PFUND
mental health and chemical dependency
care facility based in Eden Prairie. To
find out more about Pride Institute, or for Senator Al Franken and 16
information on mental health and chemical GLBT organization leaders
dependency, visit <www.pride-institute. met with PFund on February
com>, or call (952) 934-7554. 18 to discuss issues the
community currently faces,
both in Minnesota and
nationwide. Franken high-
lighted his long and unwav-
ering support for the GLBT
community. He pointed out
his work on repealing Don’t
Ask, Don’t Tell, as well as
his efforts on the Student
Non-Discrimination Act and
the Employment Nondiscrim-
ination Act, among others.
PFund Executive Director
Greg Grinley said, “PFund
works to provide opportuni-
ties for our grantees to raise
the visibility of their work.
We are incredibly grateful
to Senator Franken for his
support, and for taking time
to hear about the critical
issues our grantees are
working.”

THEATER + SPEED DATING = FUN

On February 16, as part of Lavender’s Night
at the Theater, the Guthrie Theater and
Lavender Magazine teamed up with Simply
Introduced to bring a little love to the Big G,
March 26–April 8, 2010
and optional speed dating. It turned out to
be a perfect preshow for Noel Coward’s Brief
Encounter, which has sold out in every city
it has visited so far. Telling the story of two

featuring same-sex Speed Dating prior to the lovers who met by chance in a train station,
play. Participants started arriving at 5:30 for the production captivated the audience with its
happy hour cocktails, complimentary snacks, unique use of staging and multimedia.
Photo by Sophia Hantzes

10
 LavenderMagazine.com

11
 Cover Feature |

Dining Out for Life

Join Sven Sundgaard in Raising Money for
The Aliveness Project

[ by Heidi Fellner ]
March 26–April 8, 2010

Photos by Hubert Bonnet

12
T
his time of year, it’s very easy to feel poor: months of high energy bills, taxes, and home im-
provement projects all pile on at once. This season in particular, our budgets are stretched
even thinner, as more and more of us face pay cuts and layoffs, plus multiple international
crises have required our aid as a nation and as a people. It’s all too easy to forget that we are com-
paratively very wealthy. The truth is that getting takeout coffee, renting a movie, or eating out at a
restaurant may seem like basic living expenses to us, but in most parts of the world, they’re luxuries.
It’s pure genius, really, that someone had the idea of turning $127,000 for The Aliveness Project.
LavenderMagazine.com

what Americans do best—spending money on a luxury—into an in-
ternational fundraising event called Dining Out for Life. It works
like this: Most of us have room in our budget for eating a meal out
now and then, so if we just do so on April 29 at one of many partici-
pating restaurants throughout the Twin Cities, we will raise around
Last year, Dining Out for Life accounted for 14 percent of the
organization’s total budget—truly a staggering percentage, espe-
cially in light of what it is able to do for Minnesotans living with
HIV/AIDS. Under one roof, it provides meals; a food shelf; inte-
grative therapies like massage and acupuncture; case manage-

13
 Cover Feature |
ment; health and wellness seminars; and holiday baskets.
The Aliveness Project can do so much for so little thanks to a
veritable army of volunteers who donate nearly 550 hours of their
time each week. Their valuable skills are put to use in assisting
more than 1,600 individuals each year, which amounts to about one
in four people diagnosed with HIV/AIDS in Minnesota.
Perhaps the most significant service the organization provides
clients is the most difficult to quantify: It offers a supportive, safe
place of community.
Tim Marburger, Director of Fundraising and Special Events for
The Aliveness Project, says, “It’s definitely a freeing place where
March 26–April 8, 2010
you can just be, and not have to worry about what people might
think if they find out you’re HIV-positive. Often, when you think of
AIDS, you think, ‘It’s going to be dark, and everybody’s going to be
sad,’ but hearing the laughter and the conversation here—it’s really
neat to know that people can just be themselves.”
HIV/AIDS doesn’t always grab headlines these days, but the rates
of new infection in some demographics, including African-Americans
14
and women of every race, are on the rise. What’s more, the Minnesota
AIDS Project (MAP) reports that the rate of new infections among gay
and bisexual men under 24 has doubled between 2001 and 2008.
Marburger laments, “It’s just a terrible increase. I came to know
a young man who came to us when he was 18. And I can’t even
fathom to think of being HIV-positive at 18. What does life look
like? Some people say that the meds are kind of like taking chemo
every day, and they can just wreak havoc on a person’s body. As a
youth minister, I’m worried about seeing the influx and the growth.
They haven’t seen the people die like we did.”
While rates of infection are discouraging, the other side of the
statistics is that people who have been diagnosed with HIV are living
much longer lives. It is a wonderful thing, but it results in a broader
client demographic for HIV/AIDS organizations and activists.
Marburger, who has been troubled in recent years that The
Aliveness Project’s current facility is not easily accessible to an
aging population, explains, “Our building now is on two different
levels. Thank God people are living longer with the meds, but
 LavenderMagazine.com

15
 Cover Feature |
that doesn’t make stairs any easier.”
Responding to the call, The Aliveness Project has purchased a
new building in the Kingfield neighborhood of Minneapolis that
will be able to accommodate not only the growing HIV/AIDS pop-
ulation in Minnesota, but also more people with special needs.
Marburger points out, “The new place will have an elevator that
will take you to your massage therapy, or to the first floor for your
meal or the food shelf.”
Right now, however, the new 12,000-square-foot space needs
major renovations. It’s no small task, but Marburger hopes it all
will be ready by the fall of 2010. It would be especially nice to see
March 26–April 8, 2010
completion then, as The Aliveness Project is celebrating its 25th
year of service, and the new space would be a lovely anniversary gift
to both patrons and staff who have done so much for Minnesota.
In order for that to happen, we Minnesotans must go out to eat
on April 29. Participating in Dining Out for Life never has been
easier, thanks in no small part to Marburger, who has re-upped
almost all of the Twin Cities restaurants that have participated in
16
past years, plus added a few new ones, for a total of more than 120
this year. He is especially pleased that diners in Afton, Duluth,
Rochester, and Stillwater have local restaurant options this year.
Marburger declares, “You can have pizza or lobster, or anything
in between. Dining Out for Life is an easy way to get involved.”
The fundraiser is in need of outgoing volunteers who can func-
tion as restaurant “ambassadors.” It only requires inviting friends and
families to a particular restaurant, socializing, collecting additional
donations, and working with the establishment’s staff to make sure
the event runs smoothly. A sign-up sheet and a list of participating
restaurants are available at The Aliveness Project website.
“Dine out. Do good. What more can one say?” Marburger asks.
What more, indeed.
DINING OUT FOR LIFE
APR. 29
(612) 822-7946
<WWW.ALIVENESS.ORG/DOL.HTM>
 LavenderMagazine.com

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 March 12–25, 2010

18
Cuisine > Off the Eaten Path

COLETTE BAR AND BISTRO

TRADITIONAL FRENCH CUISINE WITH AN OCCASIONAL CARIBBEAN- OR ASIAN-INSPIRED DISH
 [ by Heidi Fellner ]

hose who followed my advice last year, and has transformed the space into an elegant turn-of-the-
flocked to Hotel Sofitel’s La Fougasse, likely century Parisian brasserie. Complete with a more apt
passed by Chez Colette without a second name, Colette Bar and Bistro officially has arrived. Its
glance. I did, too. At the time, it seemed renaissance is so fresh that the staff still has difficulty
like a hotel afterthought—a place to offer remembering the adjusted moniker, but restaurant
pastries and coffee for business travelers on the go. patrons will have no problem distinguishing this new
T Ah, how times have changed! A recent remodeling place from its previous incarnation.

30-Minute Lunch Plate: Beef Medallion, served with a red wine reduction on a potato cake; House Salad with a tarragon vinaigrette dressing; Crab Cake served with a mango chutney salsa; Chocolate Bavarois dessert. Photos by Hubert Bonnet

LavenderMagazine.com

19
 Cuisine > Off the Eaten Path

(Left) Dessert Plate: Raspberry Macaroon; Opera Cake; Fruit Port Jelly (all desserts and breads made from scratch in-house in the pastry kitchen). (Right) Nicoise Salad: seared ahi tuna prepared
to desired temperature; peppers, olives, Peruvian potatoes, eggs, and a Dijon dressing complete the dish.

A recent remodeling has transformed the space into an elegant turn-of-the-century Parisian
brasserie. Complete with a more apt name, Colette Bar and Bistro officially has arrived. Restaurant
patrons will have no problem distinguishing this new place from its previous incarnation.

Award-winning Executive Chef Serge Devesa seems a little more
at home here. The Marseilles native can stretch his legs, offering
traditional French cuisine, along with a Caribbean- or Asian-inspired
dish here and there, revealing his broad international experience.
In true French fashion, however, the restaurant takes special pride
in its cheese list—one of the largest in the area. One finds imported
French cheeses listed right next to artisan varieties from Wisconsin
and Minnesota. To sample a few, it is most convenient to choose
from one of four cheese flights. On our server’s recommendation,
March 26–April 8, 2010
Reds from France ($14) and Sparkling Celebrations ($25).
The Powerful Reds Flight, perhaps the best pairing with our
cheeses, include Louis Jadot Pinot Noir (Burgundy)—our launching
point, light, balanced with a steady finish; Parallèle 45 Jaboulet
(Côtes du Rhône)—my kind of dry, filling the mouth with rounded
tannins; and Chateau La Grante Clinet (Bordeaux)—laced with notes
of licorice and dark fruits, absolutely lush.
Sparkling wine doesn’t always get its due here in the Midwest, and
I find that the budget-friendly varieties commonly served at weddings

we choose the French Inspired Flight ($14), which pairs a tangy port
salut from France with a rich Wisconsin brie, alongside flavorful
Montchevré Bucheron rolled in poppy seeds. The resulting plate
is exquisitely beautiful, complete with grapes, blueberries, dried
cherries, and nuts to complement the flight.
To pair with our cheese, we choose two wine flights: Powerful
and the like do a disservice to the industry. Strong, perhaps snobbish,
words, yes, but it took a trip to Paris to change my champagne tune. My
new mantra: “I do not dislike champagne—I dislike bad champagne.”
Good champagne is the perfect aperitif for a special occasion.
The Sparkling Celebrations Flight highlights the tremendous
diversity domestic and foreign vineyards have to offer: Moët and

20
 LavenderMagazine.com

21
 Cuisine > Off the Eaten Path

(Left) Bar area. (Right) Dining area.

In true French fashion, the restaurant takes a special pride in its cheese list—one
of the largest in the area. One finds imported French cheeses listed right next to
artisan varieties from Wisconsin and Minnesota.

Chandon Imperial Brut is French, and the most floral of the three;
Californian Domaine Chandon Rosé is fruity, yet dry, offering more
depth; and Domaine Chandon Brut is assertive, with a finish like a
firm handshake.
I couldn’t resist ordering Escargots Bourguignons ($12), just
because I have had an escargots craving since I don’t know when,
and one can get them in only a few places in the Twin Cities. Devesa
practices restraint with the garlic. While I usually like my snails
drenched in garlic to the point of a culinary obscenity, I was able to
appreciate the basil and the delicate snails themselves a bit more in
March 26–April 8, 2010
($23), with risotto ($5). The delicate, mild sole filets are rolled and
poached, served in a peppery lobster sauce. I could see each of these
dishes easily extending into spring.
Profiteroles ($7) are recommended as dessert for two, so we
indulged in towering layers of puff pastry, filled and topped with
ice cream, chocolate sauce, and whipped cream. This is a traditional
French treat, but unlike understated crème brûlées and streamlined
chocolate tortes, it is exuberantly excessive, created for the express
purpose of pleasing one’s inner child. It’s a charming little regression,
facilitated in no small part by the evening’s thoroughly enjoyable

this way. Point taken, Devesa. meal.

We had difficulty choosing two entrées that properly would
represent Devesa’s diverse culinary talents. I eventually settled on
Rack of Lamb ($27), with the chef-recommended side of asparagus COLETTE BAR AND BISTRO
HOTEL SOFITEL, 5601 W. 78TH ST., BLOOMINGTON
($5). The pretty little rack of lamb is trussed up in herbes de (952) 835-1900
provence and dijon, which shape the dish, but do not get in the way <WWW.OPENTABLE.COM>
of the gamey meat. My dining partner ordered Poached Dover Sole

22
 LavenderMagazine.com

23
 Cuisine |

Cajun Cookin’
Gumbo and Boudin
Are Lake Charles Specialties

[ by Carla Waldemar ]

“At breakfast, we start planning what to eat for dinner,”

A.C. Bourdier says. “Here, it’s all about food.”
March 26–April 8, 2010

24
 LavenderMagazine.com

25
 Cuisine > Cajun Cookin'
(Clockwise from left) Boudin sausage rimmed with deep-fried boudin balls at Brown's Market; visitors are greeted at Lake Charles Mardi Gras Museum; diners at Seafood Palace, Lake Charles.
Photos by Carla Waldemar
MAYBE THE ONLY THING MORE VENERATED
“Here” is Lake Charles, in the south-
western corner of Louisiana, and Bourdier
is its self-appointed historian. Never heard
of Lake Charles? Well, neither have those
uppity folks in New Orleans, he contends:
“They think the world ends at the Mississip-
pi River. Their gumbo,” he sniffs, “is nasty
stuff.” It’s thickened, Creole-style, with—oh,
March 26–April 8, 2010
my heavens!—okra. Here in Cajun country,
roux is the thickener that rules.
The country he’s talking about is “no-
man’s-land”—well, before the “awl” boom
that created millionaires who still shop at
Walmart, and swear by mama’s cooking. Af-
ter the French deeded New Orleans to the
26
THAN A POT OF GUMBO IS A MESS OF BOUDIN.
budding United States, those of less gen-
teel persuasion—“carpetbaggers, outlaws,
and general riffraff” like Jean Laffite, the
pirate—headed westward to herd cattle, cut
timber, and grow rice.
The town now boasts a 46-block His-
toric District of movie-set mansions those
fortunes built under the sagging branches of
live oaks—an architectural catalog of stately
columns, broad balconies, sleeping porches,
louvered shutters, and painted gingerbread.
“Awl” money or not, the scions living
in them don’t look kindly on anyone who
messes with the recipes of their mamas
(Emeril would be bammed out of town).
Especially if it’s gumbo. “There are as
many recipes are there are cooks,” Bour-
dier swears, but all agree the dish starts out
with the Holy Trinity: sautéed onions, cel-
ery, and sweet green peppers. Next, brown
your meat, and add it to some broth—or go
with seafood. Finally, thicken the pot with
a scoop of long-stirred roux (equal parts of
oil and flour cooked until the color of black
coffee). Serve it over rice. “We make a huge
pot to put in the freezer, but there’s never
any left over,” Bourdier insists.
Maybe the only thing more venerated
than a pot of gumbo is a mess of boudin.
Cajuns are hardscrabble country folk,
 LavenderMagazine.com

27
 Cuisine > Cajun Cookin'
descended from the 18th-Century French
chased out of Canada—Acadia—who ended
up in the Louisiana woods. So, their vict-
uals are composed of anything that couldn’t
hide, and didn’t cost a cent. Thus, boudin is
a sausage of sorts—an equal mix of cooked
rice and cooked meat, which can be any-
thing from crayfish to pork, along with its
liver—seasoned with onions, garlic, celery,
and such—then forced into a casing, and
boiled or smoked. Or patted into balls, and
deep-fried—even better.
Everything is deep-fried here, even fat. But
Bourdier doesn’t have any time for the health
police. “Go ahead and enjoy it,” he dictates.
“It’s a long time between meals in heaven.”
Boudin is so highly esteemed that a
Boudin Trail has been launched—like the
wine trails in Napa, but without a designat-
ed driver—because who in the entire world
would volunteer to sit back, and just watch
people eat it?
First stop: Brown’s Market, whose bou-
din calls on cooked pork, with a side of
boudin balls. It is also the place to head for
March 26–April 8, 2010
28
alligator meat, quail eggs pickled in Cajun
hot sauce, and sweet Louisiana shrimp. As
the checkout girl instructed, “You don’t
know how good our shrimp is until you go
to Georgia, and can’t get it.” Also, pick up a
jar of ready-made roux, Katie, a busy young
mother who uses it in her “made-from-
scratch” gumbo, counsels, adding, “Just put
it in a pot and”—wink, wink—“bring it to
your father-in-law.”
Patriarchs like him set the bar high.
They head to Seafood Palace (none too
palatial) for their boudin balls, with a pis-
tolette on the side—a sandwich composed
of a torpedo-shaped roll that’s deep-fried
(naturally), then filled with spicy etouffee.
At Blue Duck Café, Chef Briant Smith
salutes what he calls “camp” cooking—
that is, “rustic Cajun food from hunters’
camps,” where cayenne is the favored sea-
soning. “Makes everything taste better,” he
maintains. His menu features solely what’s
found nearby: speckled trout, redfish,
shrimp, crayfish, oysters, crab—and that’s
just the seafood.
For seafood sausage, though, you’d best
hop back on the Boudin Trail, and head on
to Hackett’s Cajon Kitchen, a truck stop
operated by old-timer Charlie Hackett,
who turns out a dozen varieties of boudin,
from alligator to turkey; from mild (hah!) to
spicy; from boiled to smoked.
Best-seller: the spicy pork-and-liver
mix. His secret? “I’m a contrarian,” Hack-
ett attests from a table that serves as his
office. “I make my sausage using sage. You
get a whiff, and say, ‘That’s nice!’ That’s the
way it oughta be.” Behind him stand five
Rolodexes jammed with recipe cards. Each
represents a local hunter’s own formula for
boudin that Hackett will custom-make af-
ter the customer brings in his deer. He also
does a number on a sweet crayfish boudin,
a “new” recipe of 30 years’ trial.
“When is the proper time to eat bou-
din?” we ask. And we like what we hear:
“Any time of the day, any day of the week.”
Bring it on!
To taste for yourself, visit <www.discov
erlakeccharles.org>, then hit the road.
 LavenderMagazine.com

29
 Cuisine |

BURGER
JONES
SERVES CORNUCOPIA OF UNIQUE
BURGERS AND MORE
[ by John Michael Lerma ]

When I went with two friends to Burger Jones, the

newest venture of Parasole Restaurant Holdings, Gen-
eral Manager John Emerson dropped by our table to
welcome us, telling us about the variety of enjoyable
food he was planning to have delivered to our table.
He started in the restaurant business years ago at my
old Parasole favorite, Figlio. As he handed me a Burg-
er Jones menu, he noted that it constantly is evolving,
and some drinks are seasonal.
Emerson said of his establishment, “It’s exciting
and new, and has great growth potential.”
Our incredibly pleasant servers started an on-
slaught of deliveries that Emerson and staff wanted us
to try. First were large malts and shakes made with fro-
zen custard. We tried Twixie Tweat ($5.99), made with
Twix bars, chocolate, and caramel. Next, we sampled
a couple of “hard” shakes: Southern Belle ($10), with
Jim Beam, peach schnapps, Nilla Wafers, and peaches;
and Revenge of the Nerds ($10), with Cruzan Rasp-
berry Rum, strawberry, vanilla, and lots of Nerds.
Both were mighty tasty.
Then, the beef arrived. The fresh, never-frozen,
custom blend of beef is hand-pattied, and pressed once
on a black-iron flattop grill.
Green Chile Cheeseburger ($8.99), with spicy
green chile salsa, cheddar, onion ring, and cilantro,
was the hit for one of my dining companions. Chi-
cago Dog Burger ($7.99), made with Hebrew National
Kosher All Beef, was my favorite. All three of us en-
joyed Black & Bleu ($9.99)—cracked black pepper,
caramelized onions, and Amablu Bleu Cheese. What
blew the entire table away was White Trash Burger
($9.99)—piled high with chicken-fried bacon, fried
March 26–April 8, 2010

cheese curds, and plenty of Velveeta (which I enjoy).

For Cheeseburger Jones ($6.99 + cheese cost), you
get your choice of a variety of cheese: standard cheese
(free); Velveeta or Swiss ($1); good cheddar, pepper
jack, fresh milk mozzarella, or goat cheese ($2); Prai-
rie Rose Aged Gruyere, Amablu Bleu, or Fini Aged
Cheddar ($3).
Meet Your Maker Burger. Photo by Hubert Bonnet

30
 LavenderMagazine.com

31
 Cuisine > Burger Jones
Our server brought us a stunning and
enormous Steakhouse Wedge Salad ($4.99),
with crumbled bleu cheese, sliced tomato,
and applewood-smoked bacon, plus choice
of housemade ranch, bleu cheese, French, or
citrus vinaigrette dressing.
Now that we were in the midst of
the eating marathon, we passed platters
around, sampling each burger, salad, malt/
shake, and drink.
Several specialty drinks were delight-
ful. Mojito Slurpee ($10) is a vibrant
green drink made of Cruzan Citrus rum,
lime juice, and fresh mint leaves. Hillbilly
Hooch ($12) consists of Jeremiah Weed
Sweet Tea Vodka, lemonade, and fresh
mint, served in a mason jar. The restau-
rant also offers draft beers, bottle beers,
wines—plus, in Emerson’s words, “our
own infused liquors.”
When I asked Executive Chef Andrew
Suthers, who came from another Parasole
property, Manny’s Steakhouse, what it’s like
to create such magnificent-tasting burgers,
he replied, “A burger has no forgiveness.
It’s harder to cook a burger than a steak.”
We got to experience the Tri-Fry Tast-
ing Tower ($9.99)—hand-cut russet fries,
maple-bacon sweet potato fries, and Par-
mesan waffle fries, with impressive dipping
sauces ($1): ranch, chipotle aioli, smoked
tomato ketchup, bleu cheese, beef gravy,
sweet chili sauce, seasoned sour cream,
and bourbon barbecue sauce.
We had an extraordinary time. Our
lunch became a several-hour celebration
of food and life. I returned home with a
grin on my face, dreaming about my next
visit to Burger Jones.

BURGER JONES
3200 W. LAKE ST., MPLS.
(61) 746.3990
<WWW.BURGERJONES.COM>
March 26–April 8, 2010

32
 LavenderMagazine.com

33
 Home & Yard Boulevard | [ by Russell Remmick ]

How To
Plan the Perfect Dinner Party

K
nowing how to host a dinner party is a must for any re- Step 4: Do it all with grace. This may
take time for you to learn, as it is a tricky
spectable gay man. It falls right below having a straight technique. At best, a dinner party is a great
female friend who goes to every gay bar with you, but evening with friends, family, or coworkers.
above having perfectly sculpted hair. Thus, it’s impor- At worst, it’s a disaster beyond stressful for
the host. Having a lot of people in a small
tant. Being gay means that you knew how to bake before you could area will create a lot of dishes. The trick
ride a bike, but a dinner party is about pulling off the perfect meal here is to remove them as you bring out
and entertainment, not the perfect cake. So, if you haven’t learned new ones. It allows you to clear the table,
how to already, continue reading, my friends. and free up room for other dishes, but at
the same time, to control the pace of the
Step 1: Talk your friend into hosting a thing new or complicated. If you screw up, party. If dinner has been removed, and des-
dinner party at your house. This ensures you have no backup. Go with what you sert has been served, the guests know the
that you get the credit, but don’t have to know how to make. Unless you plan to evening is coming to an end. If you did it
dirty your hands with the actual act of cre- have your guests hang out in the kitchen, correctly, they will not have noticed that
ating the event. It’s perfect! you shouldn’t be in there very much, either. you took control, and decided the evening
If you don’t have any friends who know It’s a dinner party, and if you can’t enjoy it, should wrap up.
how to cook, or are smarter than you, hav- why are you hosting? Make things that re- Step 5: A good host, in general, will
ing already tried making you do the exact quire little kitchen prep time, or that you complete the evening with a nightcap—a
same thing at their home, go to Plan B. can whip up quickly. The easiest way is to cup of coffee or another drink. This allows
Step 1: Hire a catering company to do have one hot dish for the main course, one everyone to wind down after an excellent
all the work. Lock the kitchen door, so no served at room temp, and a third pulled meal, and enjoy the final moments of the
guest accidentally can find out that you’re right out of the fridge. party. It is best that the drink be brought
a fraud. Tell the workers if they make a Step 3: Every dinner party should have from another room the guests were not in-
sound, you’re going to rip up that check, some cheese to snack on. It’s easy, and it vited to. Doing so tells them it is their final
and they won’t see a dime from you! can keep your guests occupied. The time drink, not an invitation to continue chat-
If being a fraud makes you feel bad, you you choose to serve the cheese can be used ting—or, if the nightcap contains alcohol,
need to learn to let go of that type of feel- to your advantage, as it lets you control the the beginning of a night of heavy drinking.
ing. Until you learn how to do so, here’s flow of the party. You can make it a way to If the thought of all this work seems like
how you actually can host a dinner party. let guests mingle as you finish prepping din- fun, by all means begin planning the perfect
Step 1: The menu is very important. ner. Or, it can be an after-dinner snack tell- night. But, if you read this, and lost those
You need to consider the people you are ing your guests they are welcome to stay, and feelings of guilt, the trusted Yellow Pages
inviting to your dinner party. You should continue talking, which is common in Aus- has a nice heading for catering companies.
March 26–April 8, 2010

take into account their likes and dislikes,
and even their allergies. Nothing is worse
than hosting a dinner party where no one
but you likes the food.
Step 2: Your menu should be easy. It
should be planned out before you ever go
to the store. This isn’t the time to try some-
tralia and the UK. However, if you want ev-
eryone gone by 10 PM, giving them a reason
to stay longer will not help you. In France,
cheese is served before the dessert. When
you are ready to draw the dinner party to a
close, you can remove all the dishes, includ-
ing the cheese, and bring out dessert.
If you’re able to pull your event off without
your guests knowing you catered it, you are
the master of dinner parties. You are ready
to take on an apprentice to whom you can
pass on your wisdom.

34
 LavenderMagazine.com

35
 Big Gay News |
[ Written & Compiled by Bradley Traynor ]

NATIONAL

<
VIRGINIA GOVERNOR: ANTIGAY
DISCRIMINATION WON’T BE
TOLERATED
The Washington Post reports that
Virginia Governor Robert McDonnell
issued a directive to state employees
prohibiting discrimination in the state
workplace, including any based on sex-
ual orientation. It was issued following
an uproar caused by the Virginia At-
torney General’s letter to state public
colleges and universities advising them
to remove references to sexual orienta-
tion and gender identity from campus
nondiscrimination policies. Although
McDonnell said he continues to support
the Attorney General’s opinion, he add-
ed that he will “not tolerate discrimina-
tion based on sexual orientation or any
other basis that’s outlawed under state or
federal law or the Constitution, and if it
is reported, then I will take action, from
reprimand to termination, to make sure
that does not occur.” While the move is
seen as a positive step forward, his di-
rective does not protect state workers
and students legally from discrimination
based on sexual orientation.

ACLU SUES AFTER SCHOOL

CANCELS PROM OVER LESBIAN
STUDENT
Last December, when 18-year-old
openly gay high school senior Constance
McMillen asked her school principal if
she could bring her girlfriend to the se-
nior prom, she was told no. The Ameri-
can Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) sent
a letter to the school district on Mc-
Millen’s behalf, arguing that the school
cannot prevent students from bringing
same-sex dates. In response, the district
canceled the prom, citing “distractions to
the educational process caused by recent
events.” Returning to school following
the cancellation, McMillen said fellow
students told her she ruined their senior
year. Now, ACLU is seeking a court or-
der to force the Mississippi high school
March 26–April 8, 2010

to hold its senior prom after all, and al-

low McMillen to bring her girlfriend.
McMillen stated to CBS News, “I just
want to go to the prom, and bring my
date, just like everyone else gets to.”

36
FLORIDA CONSIDERS BILL TO
REMOVE TAX CREDIT FOR TV
SHOWS WITH GAY CHARACTERS
The Florida House is considering a
bill that would disqualify movie and TV
productions with gay characters from re-
ceiving a tax credit. Current law allows
productions that are “family-friendly” to
take the tax credit. But Representative
Stephen Precourt (Republican) aims spe-
cifically to exclude those with gay content
from being eligible. He said he doesn’t
want public dollars invested in shows with
gay characters.

GLAAD ALLEGES JOHNNY WEIR

DEEMED TOO GAY FOR STARS ON ICE
According to the Gay and Lesbian Al-
liance Against Defamation (GLAAD), it
learned from an anonymous source that
sponsors of the Stars on Ice Tour, which
include Smuckers and IMG Entertain-
ment, have refused to allow National
Champion and Olympic figure skater
Johnny Weir to participate, because he
is “not family-friendly.” In a statement,
GLAAD said, “To say that Weir is ‘not
family-friendly’ would be a clear jab at his
perceived sexual orientation.” Weir has
not acknowledged his sexual orientation
publicly. GLAAD has distributed an on-
line petition asking Stars on Ice to include
Weir in its US Tour.

WORLD
<

FIRST GAY MARRIAGES IN MEXICO

CITY TAKE PLACE
The first same-sex marriages under
Mexico City’s new gay marriage legislation
have begun taking place. Mayor Marcelo
Ebrard was a guest of honor at the wed-
dings of Judith Vazquez and Lol Kin Cas-
taneda, as well as the other couples who
tied the knot in a city building. Mexico
City’s legislation gives same-sex couples
the same legal status as heterosexual ones.
Although the law only applies to residents
LavenderMagazine.com

of the city, a marriage performed in one

state must be recognized in the rest of the
country.

37
 Arts & Entertainment |
Minneapolis Jewish Film Festival Features Two GLBT Gems
Once again, the Minneapolis Jewish
Film Festival, running April 8-18, is GLBT-
friendly, with some wonderful offerings.
Festival Director Miriam Kabakov
shares, “Last April, I went to the Tribeca
Film Festival to scout out some new films
for our festival this year. A Matter of Size and
Off and Running were two that I saw, and ab-
solutely loved. They are both very different
kinds of films, but both speak to a very broad
audience, and have GLBT content.”
A Matter of Size (screens April 8), direct-
ed by Sharon Maymon and Erez Tadmor,
is a delightful comedy that muses on body
image and sumo wrestling, with a gay bear
subplot—but in Israel.
Off And Running (screens April 11), a
groundbreaking documentary about Avery,
a terrific African-American teen who was
raised by two Jewish lesbians, reveals rather
than advocates a naturally well-adjusted fam-
ily with two moms.
March 26–April 8, 2010
38
Director Nicole Opper shares, “I am
drawn to films that don’t tell us how to
think. Today’s savvy audiences will detect
a hidden agenda at lightning speed. Aside
from that, this was the style that came natu-
rally to the film, in part because I knew this
family, and I was in love with this family
long before they ever agreed to be on film.
I think they could see this right away. I was
a 20-year-old Jewish lesbian when I first
encountered them, and I had never met les-
bian moms who had formed a family after
coming out.”
Kabakov adds, “City of Borders [screens
April 15] just happened to come our way.
It speaks to situations of conflict and peace,
crossing boundaries, and overcoming ob-
stacles as well as stereotypes.”
Director Yun Suh went behind Palestin-
ian lines to interview Boody, an effeminate
gay Muslim who sneaks over the wall that
separates him from Jerusalem’s gay life.
[ by John Townsend ]
The film also has an intense lesbian cou-
ple—Palestinian Samira and Israeli Ravit—
as well as a macho gay Israeli man, Adam.
We find that Israel and Palestine both have
profound and violent homophobia issues.
Suh explains, “Since City of Borders is
based in a war-torn region, we inevitably
encountered many barriers. For instance,
while shooting in the ultra-Orthodox Jew-
ish neighborhood during an antigay dem-
onstration, my cinematographer and I were
hit with tomatoes, potatoes, and zucchini
thrown at us. A group of young religious
men slammed into my cinematographer.
We were also taken in by the Palestinian
Secret Service while interviewing a Pales-
tinian man the police were seeking.”
MINNEAPOLIS JEWISH FILM FESTIVAL
APR. 8-18
VARIOUS VENUES
<WWW.MPLSJFF.ORG>
 Arts & Entertainment > On the Townsend [ by John Townsend ]

THE MUSIC LOVERS / THROUGH MAR. 27 / PLAY-

WRIGHTS’ CENTER, 2301 E. FRANKLIN AVE., MPLS.
/ (800) 833-3006 / <WWW.WORKHAUSCOLLEC
TIVE.ORG>

Playwright/director Alan Berks has cre-

ated a marvelous examination of sexual am-
bivalence and ambiguity, with a great lead
performance by Nathan Christopher.
As an adolescent, Berks, observing
aspiring rock stars, was fascinated by, in
his words, “the intimacy they shared, the
emotional and physical gentleness I ob-
served between guys in bands, while at the
same time seeing how vicious they could
be to each other—how they could just to-
tally undercut each other, while at the very
same time they chased after any young
woman they could. It all had a confused
erotic charge.”

A REPORT ON THE BANALITY OF LOVE /

THROUGH MAR. 28 / JEWISH COMMUNITY CEN-
TER, 1978 FORD PKWY., ST. PAUL / (651) 647-
4315 / <WWW.MNJEWISHTHEATRE.ORG>

GLBT folks can relate to the closeted

nature of the relationship between Jewish
activist Hannah Arendt, author of Eich-
mann in Jerusalem: A Report on the Banal-
ity of Evil, and her older lover, philosopher
Martin Heidigger, a Nazi accomplice. Car-
olyn Jensen and Dan Hopman’s body lan-
guage is too contemporary, but their grasp
of the philosophical ideas and hot sensual-
ity germane to Mario Diament’s terrific
The Spanish Tragedy. Photo Courtesy of Gremlin Theatre
play translates onto the Jewish Community
Center stage splendidly.

THE SPANISH TRAGEDY / THROUGH MAR. 28 /
GREMLIN THEATRE, 2400 UNIVERSITY AVE. W.,
ST. PAUL / (612) 874-9321 / <WWW.THEATRPRO
RATA.ORG>
MACBETH / THROUGH APR. 3 / GUTHRIE THE-
ATER, 818 S. 2ND ST., MPLS. / (612) 377-2224 /
<WWW.GUTHRIETHEATER.ORG>
GILBERTO GIL: THE STRING QUARTET / APR. 3 /
ORCHESTRA HALL, 1111 NICOLLET MALL, MPLS.
/ (612) 371-5656 / <WWW.MINNESOTAORCHES
TRA.ORG>

Thomas Kyd’s violent 1592 classic still
resonates today, as the news flashes re-
ports of bombed civilians, beheadings, and
hatred. Ironically, Kyd himself became a
torture victim. Like his gay roommate and
fellow spy, Christopher Marlowe, Kyd was
March 26–April 8, 2010
Director Joe Dowling doesn’t stay put
in the medieval context of Shakespeare’s
grisly tragedy, yet still coheres a spellbind-
ing staging with machine guns and rappel-
ling fit for The Hurt Locker. Monica Fraw-
ley’s costumes recall the Hapsburg Empire.
Erik Heger’s Macbeth brilliantly reveals
If you want to experience a dream
while awake, witness mesmerizing Gil-
berto Gil—songwriter, vocalist, musician
extraordinaire. Salsa and forró, which he
heard as a boy in northeastern Brazil, were
formative to his unique sound. He was cen-
tral to the 1960s Tropicalismo arts move-

hounded for suspected atheism. He died
under murky circumstances at 35.
Director Carin Bratlie says, “Revenge
tragedies were the blockbuster summer
movies of their time. Audiences loved vio-
lence, blood revenge, and general weeping,
wailing, and gnashing of teeth.”
gullibility, likeability, coarse stupidity, and
cruelty. No other Lady Macbeth of the
many I’ve seen reveals the colossal regret
that Michelle O’Neill’s does, as the char-
acter realizes the depth of her wrong. Blaz-
ingly passionate, Heger and O’Neill expose
marriage at its worst.
ment, which challenged traditional music
structures. Fingered by Brazil’s right wing,
he became a political prisoner. After his
release, time in London and Africa further
influenced his eclectic style. Jacques Mo-
relenbaum and Bem Gil accompany him in
his Minneapolis performance.

40
 LavenderMagazine.com

41
 Maria/Stuart. Photo by Avye Alexandres

MARIA/STUART / APR. 9-25 / RED EYE THE-

ATER, 15 W. 14TH ST., MPLS. / (612) 870-0309 /
<WWW.REDEYETHEATER.ORG>

Core Red Eye actress Miriam Must

plays Aunt Sylvia in Jason Grote’s play
that oddly melds incest issues with both
the 16th-Century Mary, Queen of Scots/
Queen Elizabeth I of England rivalry and
suburbia today.
Must explains that years ago, Syl-
via “was committed to a state institution
for insisting she saw and heard a strange
shape-shifting figure, who everyone else
claimed they could not see. She lives in a
group home now, and believes because she
has recently accepted Jesus into her heart,
the shape-shifter can no longer appear to
her in the flesh, so to speak, although it
still sends her messages by fax.”

METAMORPHOSIS / APR. 8-MAY 1 / OPEN EYE

FIGURE THEATRE, 506 E. 24TH ST., MPLS. / (612)
724-3760 / <WWW.FRANKTHEATRE.ORG>

We knew it was just a matter of time

until expressionistically inclined Frank
Theatre would tackle Franz Kafka’s Meta-
morphosis. After all, so much of its past
work has waxed “Kafkaesque.” Director
Wendy Knox steers a company-made col-
laboration about a man who awakens one
day to find he has become a “monstrous
March 26–April 8, 2010

vermin.” She consulted classic expression-

istic plays for aesthetic guidance.
Knox shares that when the cast first
read the book aloud together, “They
scrawled notes on Post-its about anything
that struck them: questions, likes, dislikes,
puzzlements.”

42
 LavenderMagazine.com

43
 Arts & Entertainment > The Page Boy
Big Noise: A Jo
Spence Mystery
JEN WRIGHT
CLOVER VALLEY PRESS
$15.95
Protagonist Jo Spence
found her lover, Zoey, in Jen
Wright’s first book, Killer
Storm (2007). As Big Noise
opens, the couple is ensconced
in a friend’s cabin in the deep
Northwoods on a “vacation.”
Readers familiar with Jo—who
herself concedes, “Trouble
has a way of finding me”—can
settle back, and wait for the
inevitable. Actually, it’s already
here. Back in Duluth, a col-
league had asked Jo to keep an
eye out for Rick, a troubled
young man she had worked
with as a probation officer
supervisor—he last was seen in
Big Noise, their tiny “roman-
tic getaway” village. When
casual inquiries escalate to a
confrontation with an obsessed
serial killer, Jo once again is
overwhelmed by the danger
her chosen profession poses for
Zoey. Wright’s background in
juvenile probation and her own
life with her partner on Lake
March 26–April 8, 2010
Superior’s North Shore provide
a realistic background for her
writing—a satisfying read.
44
Damn Good Food:
157 Recipes from Hell’s
Kitchen
MITCH OMER AND ANN BAUER
BOREALIS BOOKS
$27.95
Damn good food—damn
good read. This compilation
of unique recipes, family-
generated and tweaked to
perfection by local Hell’s
Kitchen owner Mitch Omer,
sublimely is complemented with
text by Ann Bauer, along with
wonderful family scrapbook
photographs. As fabulous as the
food and Hell’s Kitchen’s tell-all
recipes is the shaggy-haired
Omer’s larger-than-life story—a
soul tossed on stormy seas of
manic depression, drug/alcohol
addiction, and obesity, finally
finding a (relatively) safe harbor
with wife Cynthia, family, and
close-knit fabric of friends (of
whom Bauer is one). Just a hint
of treasures within: Mahnomin
Porridge, a recipe Omer
adapted from a 19th-Century
Cree dish, with wild rice,
hazelnuts, dried blueberries and
cranberries, maple syrup, and
whipping cream. Lobster Tacos
involves, in part, two pounds
of chopped lobster tails, white
wine, butter, and cheese. Highly
recommended for either active
or armchair cook.
The Ticking is the
Bomb: A Memoir
NICK FLYNN
W.W. NORTON
$24.95
This is not a linear
memoir, but a kaleidoscope
chronicle of an expectant
father contemplating bring-
ing a new life into this world.
It’s a view through the lens of
author Flynn’s own life, and his
obsession with the photographs
of the tortures US troops
perpetrated on their prisoners
at Abu Ghraib. He writes of his
2007 meeting in Istanbul with
some of the men depicted in
the infamous prison photo-
graphs. Through many short,
mosaic chapters, he returns
ceaselessly to his alcoholic
father, as well as to his mother,
who committed suicide when
he was a junior in college. Of
the many short chapters that
link thoughts or raise new
speculations, shared parts of
his mother’s suicide note linger
in the mind, underscoring the
fragility and randomness of
mortal life. Her last words:
“Everybody knows each other
so much longer.” Her enig-
matic beginning sentence: “I
don’t know why I chose today
to begin.”
[ by E.B. Boatner ]
Vieux Carré Voodoo
GREG HERREN
BOLD STROKES BOOKS
$16.95
This is the fourth of
Herren’s New Orleans Scotty
Bradley series (Bourbon Street
Blues, Jackson Square Jazz, and
Mardi Gras Mambo). Noth-
ing’s average about Scotty (né
Milton) Bradley: his thong-clad
go-go dancer past; his perfect
ex-FBI boyfriend, Frank;
Colin/Abram, the on-again-
off-again spy in their ménage
à trois; the myriad corpses
scattered about or dropped
onto him; his loving, lefty
parents and their Devil’s Weed
tobacco shop in the Vieux
Carré. The latest book involves
the murder of an old family
friend who with cohorts 40
years before stole the sapphire
eye of Kali from a statue in
tiny Pleshiwar, a microcoun-
try noted for its bloodthirsty
religion and untapped wealth
of uranium coveted by the
“civilized” West. As the story
opens, Frank is off pursuing his
dream of becoming a profes-
sional wrestler, but, of course,
he returns to help right prevail.
Herren makes one’s inner
Fanboy beg: “Where do you get
your ideas?”
 LavenderMagazine.com

45
 Bar Advertiser Guide | Bartender Spotlight |
[ by George Holdgrafer ]
06
ve.
3rd A
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ve
lA
W n tra Hennepin Ave. Larpenteur Ave. Larpenteur Ave.
as Ce

Dale St.
hin
gto

Snelling Ave.
04 1s
02 nA tS
ve. ve t. N
ve. in A 07 . . Univ Minnehaha Ave.
1st A 05 nep
Hen ve.08
ersit
y Av
15 l et A e.
th col t.
01 S t. Ni University Ave. hS
09 7t

26th Ave. S.
Selby Ave. 03
Ro
ber
Lake St. tS
Grand Ave. t.

01 19 BAR Bolt
19 W. 15th St., Mpls. Best video bar in Twin Cities. Huge selection of music/
(612) 871-5553 comedy video clips & Show Tune Sundays. Best patio
Shoot pool or play darts at your neighborhood bar—the in town.
Twin Cities’s oldest GLBT establishment. Bolt Underground
Industrial & carnal nightclub hidden beneath the city.
02 BRASS RAIL LOUNGE Join us for CHAMBER every Thursday night.
422 Hennepin. Ave., Mpls.
(612) 332-RAIL (7245)
<www.thebrassraillounge.com> 08 TICKLES
Completely remodeled elegant lounge featuring variety of 420 S. 4th St., Minneapolis
entertainment: live piano, karaoke, male dancers. (612) 354-3846
<www.ticklesbar.com>
03 CAMP Live Piano Music. Full-Service Menu, Happy Hour,
490 N. Robert St., St. Paul Sports on 10 Flat-Panel TVs, Pool, Darts.
(651) 292-1844
<www.camp-bar.net> 09 TOWN HOUSE

▼
An upscale but casual spot with great video, dancing, cabaret, PIANO LOUNGE STEVE
and the friendliest staff in town! 1415 University Ave. W., St. Paul
(651) 646-7087
04 GAY 90’S MEGABAR <www.townshousebar.com>
408 Hennepin Ave., Mpls. Town House
(612) 333-7755 Fun neighborhood bar with a great mix of men and
<www.gay90s.com> women. Karaoke. Drag shows. WHO
Gay 90’s Piano Lounge
Upper Midwest’s Largest Gay Entertainment That’s entertainment! Friday: Karaoke (Twyla). Satur- Steve
Complex. Serving reasonably priced menu in main bar day: Lori Dokken & Friends. Sunday:
Wednesday-Sunday. Karaoke (John). Monday: Men’s Night. WHAT
Dance Annex
Awesome DJs deliver latest in dance, techno, and hot Recipe: Blood Orange Martini
gay anthems for your dancing pleasure. 2 oz. Chopin Vodka
Happy Hour
Superior • Blood Orange Juice Concentrate
Newly remodeled. Open longest hours of any local Splash of Lemonade
GLBT bar. State-of-the art sound/video. Wisconsin
Splash of Sour
La Femme Show Lounge Soda Float
The Ladies of La Femme present the Twin Cities’s
best female impersonator show Thursday-Sunday.
Men’s Room
THE FLAME
WHEN
It’s a guy thing (ladies beware!). Hot men in a sizzling WI Variable
scene. Best male dancers. 1612 Tower Ave., Superior
Retro Bar (715) 395-0101
Just what its name says. Fabulous DJs reprise the best <www.SuperiorFlame.com> WHERE
of the ’70s through ’90s. Lush Food Bar
WI J.T.’S BAR & GRILL 990 Central Ave. NE, Mpls.
05 GLADIUS 1506 N. 3rd St., Superior <www.lushfoodbar.com>
1111 Hennepin Ave., Mpls. (715) 394-2580
(612) 332-9963 <www.jtsbarandgrill.net>
<www.gladiusbar.com>
THE MAIN CLUB
WHY
The New York Chic of Minneapolis. Gladius God- WI “It always ends up being a lot of
desses. Tuesday. Killer B's Karaoke Wednesday. 1217 Tower Ave., Superior fun. We have great drink specials
(715) 392-1756
06 LUSH <www.mainclubsuperior.com> and great food. I always loved
990 Central Ave. NE, Mpls. coming here even before I starting
<www.lushfoodbar.com> working here.”
Great Food. Happy Hour Wed.-Sat. ’Til 8 PM.
Wed. $1 Drinks. Thu. Show Tunes. No Cover. Free
Parking.
07 MINNEAPOLIS EAGLE
March 26–April 8, 2010

BOLT
BOLT UNDERGROUND
515-513-501 Washington Ave. S., Mpls.
(612) 338-4214/(612) 338-0896
<www.minneapoliseagle.com>
<www.boltbar.com>
Minneapolis Eagle
Gay-owned & operated for 11 years. Home of famous
Friday 3-for-1 Happy Hour & Sunday afternoon
Beer Bust.

46
 LavenderMagazine.com

47
 Bar Scene > Bar Showcase [ Photos by George Holdgrafer ]

BRASS RAIL
March 13
March 26–April 8, 2010

48
 LavenderMagazine.com

49
 Bar Scene > Bar Calendar
For club addresses, phone numbers, and Web
sites, see “Bar Advertiser Guide” on page 46. FRIDAY, MARCH 26
For events not at bars, see <LavenderMagazine. Gary Collins SATURDAY, APRIL 3
com/calendar>. Mess Softball Team Fundraiser
5 PM. Tickles.
Mia Dorr 7 PM. Minneapolis Eagle.
9 PM. Tickles. Red Hot Drag Contest
8 PM. Lush.
SATURDAY, MARCH 27 Jeff Olson
Spikes Softball Team Fundraiser 9 PM. Tickles.
7 PM. Minneapolis Eagle. Lip Service
Bear Night 9 PM. Town House.
8 PM. Bolt Underground. Underwear Party
Jeff Olson Bolt Underground
9 PM. Tickles.
Elegance
9 PM. Town House.

SUNDAY, MARCH 28
Jason Richards
7 PM. Tickles.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 31
VIP Card Party
6 PM. Gay 90’s.

FRIDAY, APRIL 2
Gary Collins
5 PM. Tickles.
March 26–April 8, 2010

50
 LavenderMagazine.com

51
 Lavender Lens >
[Photos by Sophia Hantzes ]

WOMYN UNLIMITED
MN GALA
FEBRUARY 13
RAMADA MALL OF AMERICA
BLOOMINGTON
March 26–April 8, 2010

52
 LavenderMagazine.com

53
 Sports & Leisure > Get Outta Town

Boston
Hoofing It in Beantown
[ by Carla Waldemar ]

P
ack your sneakers. Boston is not a city to peer at through where Old Ironsides floats—oldest warship
in the world—and the monument to the
a tour bus window. It’s one of the most compact arenas Battle of Bunker Hill (“Don’t fire until you
of eye candy the country offers—a town that demands see the whites of their eyes”).
you walk the walk as well as hear the talk. Never mind: Rainbow banners dressed many a
church on the day gay marriage was made
You can’t fathom the “beeh and pizzur” accent anyway. legal. Blacks long have considered Boston a
place of sane refuge—another walking trail
Start in right where our nation got its names like Sam Adams, Ben Franklin, John through Beacon Hill leads to America’s first
start: the two-plus-mile Freedom Trail, Hancock, and Paul Revere, along with less- African-American church and public school
outlined in red brick, that leads you from er monuments whose skull-and-crossbones (separate but “equal”), refuge from slave
one OMG moment to another—the first serve as a heads-up to passing sinners. hunters. A statue in the Commons com-
this, the oldest that—along with the jaw- See the Old State House of 1712. From memorates the state’s black military brigade
dropping You Are There experience of its balcony, the Declaration of Independence in the Civil War.
standing right where history was made. was read. Patriots gathered at nearby Faneuil Beacon Hill is a grand place to begin
The trail starts at the Boston Common, Hall, AKA the Cradle of Liberty, to lambaste our stroll through Boston’s distinct and
America’s first (1625) public park, today the the British, where today’s merchants, in its re- delightful neighborhoods. Its prim brick
realm of winter skaters and summer Swan incarnation as a Festival Marketplace, gladly townhouses, with gas lampposts and origi-
Boat riders on Frog Pond, amid parolees take a contemporary UK visitor’s money. nal windows of wavering glass, are home to
from office asylums enjoying a lunch break Next, the trail leads past the Union Oys- the politically conscious elite who patrol
where cattle once grazed. ter House (1826)—oldest restaurant in the the boutiques and cafés of Charles Street,
Alongside stands the golden-domed country—where in a previous incarnation as stopping for peace-grown coffee and arti-
Massachusetts State House of 1798, with its Capen’s Dry Good Store, General George san bread. Even a Ye Olde 7-Eleven is dis-
red-brick exterior, more cozy than ornate. Washington recompensed his troops on guised with vintage brick.
March 26–April 8, 2010

Historic churches also seem proto-Bosto-
nian in their puritanical banishment of os-
tentation. Yet, within these meetinghouses,
inflammatory oratory incited the Tea Party
and later antislavery crusades. Beside them,
graveyard headstones are inscribed with
payday. Stop for a bowl of “chowdah” in the
booth favored by President John Kennedy.
Then, trudge to the house of Paul Re-
vere, from 1680—oldest in Downtown
Boston—and Old North Church of “two
if by sea” fame. Finally, cross the river to
The city’s jail has been airbrushed into
a fancy hotel called The Liberty, where
celebs stay and dine at (ahem) Clink on
veal-ricotta meatball sliders; smoked bay
scallops livened with blood oranges; and
Berkshire pork loin paired with grits and

54
 LavenderMagazine.com

Harvard University and Charles River, Cambridge. Photo Courtesy of Greater Boston Convention & Visitors Bureau

55
 Sports & Leisure > Get Outta Town
Beacon Hill Street
Photo Courtesy of Greater Boston Convention & Visitors Bureau
collard greens. The original Cheers bar is
close by, abhorred by locals—you’ll spot it
by the busy cameras of visiting Japanese.
At the end of the Commons stand the
Brahmin mansions of Back Bay. The show-
case artery is Newbury Street, making New
York’s Fifth Avenue look downright tacky,
thanks to scads of boutiques that haven’t
got wind of the recession—a Filene’s Base-
ment somehow defied the zoning code.
Hotels such as The Fairmont, Mandarin-
Oriental, and Colonnade excel in cosset-
ing your Inner Monarch, hosting restau-
rants to pamper the most avant palate: Oak
Room, where Versailles meets steakhouse;
l’Espalier, the St. Peter’s of fine dining; and
Brasserie Jo, fun French fare.
Giving those graybeards a run for our
money is the brand-new W Hotel in the
theater district, housing Market, an out-
post of culinary pontiff Jean Georges, who
pulled his lead chef, Chris Damskey, from
the former Chambers Kitchen in Minne-
apolis to head the line here. It stars rein-
vented regional fare such as black pepper
crab fritters with Asian pears and endive;
rice cracker-crusted tuna bathed in citrus-
chili oil; fabulous foie gras brûlée balanced
by pineapple-Meyer lemon jam; and divine
March 26–April 8, 2010
local haddock in mint and fragrant coconut
juice—or (gulp!) pizza topped with clams
and chilis.
Head back in history to the Langham
Hotel, born of a 1920s bank, now home to
Bond, a renaissance of the space's domed
56
British "Red Coats" at Harborfest and Patriots Day
vault, where see-and-be-seeners flock to
sip their Sawbucks martinis (Grey Goose,
lime, and ginger), while demolishing small
plates, such as smoked-salmon pierogi;
fried Brussels sprouts with pork belly; or
lobster-chanterelle pot pie, followed by
way-too-tasty cheesecake lollipops. For the
morning after: a special Man Maintenance
program in the spa.
Back behind all the hustle and neon lies
the not-long-ago regentrified South End,
whose brick facades have let out their corset
stays to relax behind iron fences—now home
to upward climbers scampering from wine
bar to gallery to designer boutique du jour.
A restaurant row is more laid-back than
mired in white linen. Toro serves mod-
ern Spanish tapas—think pork belly with
pumpkin, escargots, and Liberty apples—or
Rioja-braised short ribs with prunes and Ar-
magnac. Coppa is the hottest rez in town:
Here, it’s Italian fare with an edge not found
at Olive Garden, such as spaghetti carbonara
mined with sea urchins or ravioli stuffed
with calves’ brains—best-sellers, along with
earthy housemade charcuterie, beef-heart
crostini, sweetbread saltimbocca, and lamb’s
belly with lentils and harissa.
It’s also Boston’s gayborhood, although
once the baby strollers started clogging the
sidewalks, the trendier boys led the migra-
tion across the bridge to Fort Point Chan-
nel—no longer grungy, as forward eateries
like Drink and Sportello moved in. In fact,
uberfashionable Louis Boston, proffering
Massachusetts State House
adornment for home and body, has moved
from Back Bay to Fort Point. But you’ll find
GLBT clubs throughout the city: mega-
glam Estate, spinning hip-hop and Top
40s tunes; The Roxy, boasting Northeast’s
longest-running weekly dance club; STIX,
where the food, indeed, comes speared; and
Club Café, offering Manhunt Thursdays,
Edge Fridays, and Mayhem Saturdays.
Remember Revere’s house, oldest in the
city? It anchors Boston’s oldest neighbor-
hood, the North End. Here’s where wave
after wave of immigrants landed before
moving on. But the Italians knew a good
thing when they saw it, and stayed put,
claiming the North End as their enclave.
Wandering along Hanover, the main drag,
you’ll find that English is definitely a minor
linguistic curiosity among its largesse of
salumerias, gelaterias, and espresso-fueled
caffes, where an accordion player on break
relaxed amid the clattering laptops. Yet, I
prefer to veer away from Hanover’s danc-
ing neon to dine at tinier, trendier palazzi
of pasta such as Prezza, where, armed with
a fruity Barolo, I feasted on short ribs in
red wine sided with a lobster pancake; por-
tobellos atop creamy polenta; and tender
gnocchi served with dual sauces—rustic
ragu and suave porcini cream.
With meals like that, I should hike to
the airport in penance, but no: It’s only 15
minutes away, $2 on the train.
Visit <www.BostonUSA.com> to plan
your own attack.
 LavenderMagazine.com

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 March 26–April 8, 2010

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 LavenderMagazine.com

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 March 26–April 8, 2010

60
The Network

Addiction Info & Computer Sales &

Treatment __
_____
_
______ Services_____________

Astrology_____________
Financial Services______

Automotive____________

Funeral Services___ ___

Barbers_______________

Chiropractors__________ LavenderMagazine.com

61
 The Network
Home Services___________________________
March 26–April 8, 2010

62
 The Network
Calendar |
[ LavenderMagazine.com ]
Home Services________ Insurance______ ______
FRIDAY, MARCH 26
Beyond the Boxes: Midwest LGBTQ Mental Health
Conference, Emerging Trends in LGBTQ Mental
Health. Join professionals, students, and everyone in-
between for more than 50 workshops with 80 present-
ers on three educational tracks: research, clinicians,
and community members and activists. Coffman
Union, 3rd Flr., Univ. of Minn., 300 Washington Ave.
SE, Mpls. <www.glbta.umn.edu/beyondtheboxes>.
LifeSongs: The Music of Living. Twin Cities Gay
Men’s Chorus performs its annual spring concert,
joined by Minnesota Philharmonic Orchestra. Act II
features the world premiere of The Kushner Trilogy,
a choral piece in three movements composed by Mi-
chael Shaieb, with text from plays by award-winning
playwright Tony Kushner. 8 PM. Mar. 26-27. Ted Mann
Concert Hall, Univ. of Minn., 2128 4th St. S., Mpls. (612)
624-2345. <www.northrop.umn.edu>.

Photo Courtesy of Hennepin Theatre Trust

The Wizard of Oz. The Yellow Brick Road is leading

to Minneapolis, as Dorothy and her faithful friends
take a trip to the great and powerful Wizard. This pro-
duction is bound to blow you away from the moment
the tornado touches down, taking you to the dazzling
Art Deco Oz. Mar. 26-28. Orpheum Theatre, 910 Hen-
nepin Ave., Mpls. (800) 982-2787. <www.ticketmaster.
com>.

FRIDAY, APRIL 2
Family Easter Celebration. Midtown Global Market
celebrates Easter with some family-friendly events,
including egg decorating, Easter crafts, cookie deco-
rating, and live entertainment from Ensemble Music’s
Pet Products&Services_
Common Chord. Don’t forget to bring your camera,
and get a photo with the Easter Bunny. 5-8 PM. Mid-
town Global Market, 920 E. Lake St., Mpls. <www.mid
townglobalmarket.org>.

FRIDAY, APRIL 9
Lake Home & Cabin Show. Join more than 250
exhibitors from across the country for a one-stop
resource for lake-home and cabin lovers. Find every-
thing from decorating and remodeling to building,
LavenderMagazine.com

buying, or just dreaming the dream. Plus, take part in

some interactive exhibits, including a live raptor dis-
play, cooking demonstrations with great cabin grilling
recipes, and architecture cabin tours. Apr. 9-11. Min-
neapolis Convention Center, 1301 2nd Ave. S., Mpls.
(612) 335-6000. <www.lakehomeandcabinshow.com>.

63
 The Network
Psychotherapy_______ Real Estate__________
Calendar |
SATURDAY, APRIL 10.
We2. Form+Content Gallery reveals new paintings by
local artist Jim Dryden. Inspired by the words and im-
ages of Walt Whitman and David Hockney, the gallery
will be filled with double portraits in a variety of sizes,
with a seemingly endless array of expressions and
personalities using bright colors in surprising combi-
nations. Through May 15. Form+Content Gallery, 210
N. 2nd St., Ste. 104, Mpls. (612) 436-1151. <www.for
mandcontent.org>.

TICKETS ON SALE

Avenue Q. The hilarious Tony Award-winning musical

about a group of puppets living on Avenue Q in New
York City comes back to Minneapolis. If you missed
this show the last time it was here, be sure not to make
the same mistake twice. Apr. 13-18. Orpheum The-
atre, 910 Hennepin Ave., Mpls. (800) 982-2787. <www.
ticketmaster.com>.
CATS. The winner of seven Tony Awards, including
Best Musical, which features 20 of Andrew Lloyd Web-
ber’s timeless melodies, is hitting the stage in the
Twin Cities. One of the best-known musicals in recent
memory, CATS is a must-see for any theater enthusi-
ast. May 14-16. Orpheum Theatre, 910 Hennepin Ave.,
Mpls. (800) 982-2787. <www.ticketmaster.com>.

Spa Services_________

Photo by Joan Marcus

March 26–April 8, 2010

Wicked. Something wicked this way comes…again.

The musical sensation known as Wicked is making its
way back to Minneapolis, with more than a monthlong
stay this time. It tells the story of the Wicked Witch of
the West. Find out the truth behind the fable. Tickets
on sale for season ticket holders, donors, and groups
of 20 or more. Aug. 11-Sept. 19. Orpheum Theatre,
910 Hennepin Ave., Mpls. (800) 982-2787. <www.tick
etmaster.com>.

64

ONGOING Ongoing
America the Beautiful: The Monumental Land-
scape of Clyde Butcher. Known as the “Ansel Adams
of the Everglades,” Clyde Butcher brings a major col-
lection of his iconic black-and-white images—ranging
from the pristine beauty of the South Dakota Bad-
lands to the beaches of Hawaii—to St. Paul for a very
limited engagement. Through Apr. 15. James J. Hill
Reference Library, 80 W. 4th St., St. Paul. (651) 265-
5500. <www.jjhill.org>.
Photo Courtesy of Theatre in the Round Players
Enchanted April. Watch as four women discover who
they are in ways they never could have expected. It’s
a heartwarming story based on the best-selling novel
about two London housewives who decide to rent a
villa in Italy for a much-needed holiday, and recruit
two others to help share the cost. Weekends through
Apr. 11. Theatre in the Round Players, 245 Cedar Ave.,
Mpls. (612) 333-3010. <www.TheatreintheRound.
org>.
How to Make Love Like a Minnesotan III: The Full
Montevideo. In the threequel to the smash hits How
to Make Love Like a Minnesotan I and II, Brave New
Workshop is back at it, and baring all for Minnesota
love. Can Cupid’s arrow strike a third time? We think
so. Be prepared to thaw your heart out in time for an
all-new look at our favorite subject: love. Thu.-Sat.
Through Apr. 24. Brave New Workshop Theatre, 2605
Hennepin Ave. S., Mpls. (612) 332-6620. <www.brave
newworkshop.com>.
How To Talk Minnesotan: The Musical. Ever
wanted to talk like a true Minnesotan? Now’s your
chance. Come out for a night of education, as you’re
treated to the beloved classics “Hotdish Hallelujah,”
“Northwoods Woman,” and “Brothers in Ice,” along
with some easy-to-follow lessons underscored by ad-
vertising spots and jingles. Wed.-Sun. Through May
30. Plymouth Playhouse, 2705 Annapolis Lane N.,
Plymouth. (763) 553-1600. <www.plymouthplayhouse.
com>.
Planning a Remodel. Need help with that home proj-
ect you have planned? Castle Building & Remodeling
holds bimonthly classes to help you figure out every-
thing you need to know to get started. Classes are
limited to only 12 people, so RSVP well in advance to
the one you wish to attend. 5:30-7 PM. For complete
list of classes, locations, and topics, visit <www.cast
lebri.com/classschedule.html>.
The Spanish Tragedy. In this inspiration for Hamlet,
murder abounds, as the ghost of a murdered Span-
ish courtier looks on from beyond the grave. Consid-
ered the first of a new genre, the revenge tragedy, it
contains several violent murders, which is sure to thrill
the audience as the story unfolds. Through Mar. 28.
Gremlin Theatre, 2400 University Ave., St. Paul. (612)
874-9321. <www.theatreprorata.org>.
Strike-Slip. The New York Times hailed it as “the
most accomplished” of the 2007 Humana Festival.
Nimbus presents the regional premiere of a play that
brings to life the stories of a community knit together
atop uncertain ground. Fri.-Mon. Through Mar. 28.
Minneapolis Theatre Garage, 711 W. Franklin Ave.,
Mpls. (651) 229-3122. <www.nimbustheatre.com>.
Backtalk > Dateland
P.S. I Love You
Part 1
I
’m writing this from Palm Springs,
one of the gay capitals of the world.
At this moment, the largest event on
the lesbian social calendar—granted,
a rather slim one bracketed by the Super
Bowl on one end and opening day of base-
ball on the other—is taking place: the Di-
nah Shore Golf Tournament. The name of
it was changed recently, but no one cares.
The town is lousy with lesbians look-
ing to make poor life choices, so why have I
spent all evening perched on the plastic slip-
cover of an Italianate sofa in the home of an
old lady who will be dead in six months?
The answer, my friends, is that my
mother has gotten me into yet another
ridiculous situation involving charming
ancient people out of their worthless crap.
My mother dragged me to this poor wom-
an’s home because she had heard from a
friend of a friend that the lady might have a
certain decorative Danish plate no one but
my mother would covet.
My parents spend the winter in Palm
Springs, which is why I am here. Every year,
my mother gets me here with promises of
rest, relaxation, and poolside margaritas.
But once I fall into her evil, tanned clutches,
she forces me to run all the madcap errands
my father has the good sense to avoid.
Today, I had every intention of going to
a lesbian pool party. This is not the type
of thing I typically would be interested in,
because I just knew it would involve volley-
ball, but after being trapped in my parents’
Town Car for the past week, I was ready
for anything. Just as I was slipping into my
skort, though, my mother shanghaied me,
and demanded that I take her on a “quick
trip” to see the Danish plate.
I made a weak attempt to weasel out of the
trip, but my mother and the desert sun have
beaten me into total submission. So, I heaved
a heavy sigh, grabbing the car keys, and roll-
ing my eyes, as my mother chirped that this
would be a five-minute visit at most.
My mother never had met the Danish
plate lady, and, therefore, had no idea she
[ by Jennifer Parello ]
was dying of terminal brain cancer, a fact
that the poor lady announced the minute
we walked in the door. “I’ll be dead in six
months,” she said rather gaily, “and, look,
I’ve laid out a snack.”
As my mother mewed in empathy, and
stroked the lady’s arm in comfort, I stared
daggers at my Mom, who clearly was set-
tling in for a long chat. I stabbed at the sus-
pect liver sausage with a stale cracker and
a lot of resentment, as I watched the sun
begin to set over the adjacent golf course,
and waited in vain for my mother to raise
the issue of the Danish plate, so we could
get the hell out of there.
Well into our visit, as I dipped into
paranoid psychosis, and feared I’d spend
the rest of my days listening to my mother
feign interest in the lady’s bladder-control
issues (all the while waiting for the perfect
opportunity to get that stupid plate), I saw
what I first thought was a vision. I closed
my eyes, assuming that the mirage would
vanish when I opened them again. But
there, prancing in a pool coated in a thick
layer of sunscreen scum, was a scrum of
lesbians, and not a volleyball net in sight.
What happens next? Do I make my es-
LavenderMagazine.com
cape to the lesbian party? Does my mother
manage to wrest control of the Danish
plate from an old lady’s dying hands?
Stay tuned for the next episode….
65
 Community Connection
Community Connection brings visi-
bility to local GLBT-friendly non-prof-
it organizations. To reserve your list-
ing in Community Connection, call
612-436-4698 or email advertising@
lavendermagazine.com.
Addiction & Treatment
Hazelden
Providing comprehensive treatment,
recovery solutions. Helping people reclaim
their lives from the disease of addiction.
P.O. Box 11
15251 Pleasant Valley Rd Center City, MN
(800) 257-7800 www.hazelden.org
AIDS/HIV & Treatment
Aliveness Project, The
Community Center for Individuals Living
with HIV/AIDS -- On-site Meals, Food Shelf
and Supportive Services.
730 East 38th St. Minneapolis, MN
(612) 824-LIFE (5433) www.aliveness.org
HIM Program
One of the Red Door Services of the
Hennepin County Public Health Clinic.
525 Portland Ave. 4th Floor
Minneapolis, MN
(612) 348-9100
www.himprogram.org
www.StopSyphilisNOW.org
www.CrystalClearMN.org
www.inSPOT.org/Minnesota
MAP AIDSline
MAP AIDSLine is the confidential statewide
toll-free HIV information
and referral service.
1400 Park Ave. Minneapolis, MN
(612) 373-AIDS (metro) or
(800) 248-AIDS (statewide)
mapaidsline@mnaidsproject.org
www.mnaidsproject.org
Park House
Day Health / Mental Health Treatment
Program for Adults Living with HIV/AIDS.
710 E. 24th Street, Suite 303
Minneapolis, MN
(612) 871-1264
www.allina.com/ahs/anw.nsf/page/
park_house_home
U of MN Research Studies
Looking for HIV+ and HIV- individuals to
participate in research studies.
420 Delaware Street SE
Minneapolis, MN
(612) 625-7472
Art Galleries
Minneapolis Institute of Arts
Enjoy Masterpieces From All Over The
World And Every Period Of Human
History. Free Admission Daily!
2400 3rd Ave. S. Minneapolis, MN
(612) 870-3000 www.artsmia.org
Zeitgeist Arts Cafe
Duluth’s newest dining experience offering
contemporary American dining and full
bar in an art-filled setting.
222 E. Superior St.
Duluth, MN (218) 722-9100
March 26–April 8, 2010
Minnesota Online High School
State-approved, public online high school
open to any Minnesota resident in grades
9 through 12.
1313 Fifth St. SE, Ste. 227
Minneapolis, MN (800) 764-8166
www.mnohs.org
Events
Minneapolis Bike Tour
Annual bike ride in September supporting
Minneapolis Parks. Fully supported route,
refreshments and music in finish area.
2117 West River Rd.
Minneapolis, MN
(612) 230-6400
www.minneapolisbiketour.com
mplsbiketour@minneapolisparks.org
Red Ribbon Ride
Four-day Bike Ride in July Benefiting Eight
HIV/AIDS Service Organizations
in Minnesota.
4457 3rd Ave. S. Minneapolis, MN
(612) 822-2110 www.redribbonride.org
Fitness
YWCA of Minneapolis
Healthy Me. Healthy Community.
Co-ed, full-service health clubs.
Locations in Downtown, Midtown
and Uptown
2808 Hennepin Avenue South
Minneapolis, MN
(612) 874-7131
www.ywcampls.org
Health & Wellness
Rainbow Health Initiative
Working to improve the health of LGBTQ
Minnesotans through education, clinical
practice, outreach, and advocacy. RHI is
the lead agency for the MN Tobacco-free
Lavender Communities.
611-A West Lake Street
Minneapolis, MN
877-499-7744
www.rainbowhealth.org
www.mntlc.org
Historical
Minnesota Historical Society
The best of Minnesota comes to life
with fun, hands-on exhibits and
signature programs.
345 Kellogg Blvd
W., St. Paul, MN
(651) 259-3000
www.mnhs.org/historycenter
Library
Quatrefoil Library
Your GLBT Library with stacks of DVDs,
books, and magazines. Check out our
online catalogue.
1619 Dayton Ave., No. 105
St. Paul, MN
(651) 641-0969
www.qlibrary.org
Literacy
The Loft Literary Center
Where writers learn from other writers.
Visit www.loft.org for classes, events,
conferences, and more.
1011 Washington Ave S. Suite 200
Open Book Minneapolis, MN
Radio K 770
Radio K is the award-winning student-run
radio station of the University of Minnesota
330 21st Ave. S.
610 Rarig Center
University of Minnesota
Minneapolis, MN
(612) 625-3500 www.radiok.org
Performing Arts
Ballet of the Dolls
Resident Company of Newly Renovated
Ritz Theater. Twin Cities first year-round
dance-theater program.
35 13th Ave. NE
Minneapolis, MN (612) 623-7660
www.ritzdolls.org
Brazen Theatre
Plays, Musicals, Cabaret and Other
Entertainment for Adventurous Audiences.
See Individual Ads for Venue
(414) 248-6481
www.brazentheatre.org
Flower Shop Project
Producing new and local works of theatre
that are smart, ballsy and fundamentally
entertaining.
At Bryant-Lake Bowl & Patrick’s Cabaret
Minneapolis, MN
(612) 388-8628
www.theflowershopproject.com
Guthrie Theater
Come On In! Performances, Classes,
Dining, Tours.
818 South 2nd St. Minneapolis, MN
(612) 377-2224 www.guthrietheater.org
Hennepin Theatre Trust
Orpheum, State and Pantages Theatres
Twin Cities’ best live entertainment:
Broadway shows, music concerts, comedy,
dance and more!
Minneapolis, MN
(612) 673-0404
www.HennepinTheatreDistrict.org
Illusion Theater
Nationally Renowned For Developing
Artists and New Work While Sparking
Conversation About Challenging
Human Issues.
528 Hennepin Ave., #704
Minneapolis, MN
(612) 339-4944 www.illusiontheater.org
Jungle Theater
Professional theater producing
contemporary and classic works in an
intimate setting in the Lynlake neighborhood.
2951 Lyndale Ave. S. Minneapolis, MN
(612) 822-7063 www.JungleTheater.com
Minneapolis Musical Theatre
“Giving Voice to the Human Experience” -
New and Rarely-Seen Musicals.
8520 W. 29th St.
Minneapolis, MN
(612) 605-3298
www.aboutmmt.org
Minnesota Orchestra
Led by Music Director Osmo Vänskä, the
Minnesota Orchestra, one of America’s
leading symphony orchestras.
1111 Nicollet Mall Minneapolis, MN
(612) 371-5656 (800) 292-4141
One Voice Mixed Chorus
Passionate about building community and
creating social change by raising our
voices in song.
732 Holly Ave. Ste. Q Saint Paul, MN
(651) 298-1954
www.ovmc.org operations@ovmc.org
Ordway Center for the Performing
Arts
Hosting, presenting, and creating
performing arts and educational programs
that enrich diverse audiences.
345 Washington St.
St. Paul, MN
(651) 224-4222
www.ordway.org
Park Square Theatre
Creating entertainment that matters;
transporting you to unique worlds through
exceptional talent and masterful stories.
20 West Seventh Pl. Saint Paul, MN
(651) 291-7005
www.parksquaretheatre.org
The Minnesota Opera
America’s most exciting opera company
has launched a new GLBTA group
“Out at the Opera!”
620 N. First St.
Minneapolis, MN
(612) 342-9550
www.mnopera.org
Twin Cities Gay Men’s Chorus
An award-winning chorus that builds
community through music and offers
entertainment worth coming out for!
528 Hennepin Ave., Suite 307
Minneapolis, MN
(612) 339-SONG (7664)
chorus@tcgmc.org www.tcgmc.org
University of Minnesota Theatre
Arts and Dance
Educating artists and audiences through a diverse
mix of performances on both land and water.
U of M Theatre
330 21st Ave S, Minneapolis, MN
(612) 624-2345
www.theatre.umn.edu
Pets/Pet Services
Animal Humane Society
Buffalo: (763) 390-3647
Coon Rapids: (763) 862-4030
Golden Valley: (763) 522-4325
St. Paul: (651) 645-7387
Woodbury: (651) 730-6008
www.animalhumanesociety.org
Wildcat Sanctuary
A non-profit accredited sanctuary for over
100 abandoned and abused bobcats,
tigers, leopards and more.
Sandstone, MN
(320) 245-6871
www.wildcatsanctuary.org
Politics & Rights
Human Rights Campaign
Advocates for all GLBT Americans,
mobilizes grassroots action, invests
strategically to elect fair-minded individuals.
P.O. Box 50608 Minneapolis, MN
www.twincities.hrc.org www.hrc.org

612-215-2575
www.zeitgeistartscafe.com www.loft.org www.minnesotaorchestra.org
loft@loft.org OutFront Minnesota
Education Northrop Delivering programs / services in the area
Art Institutes International
Minnesota
Media & Communications Presenting world-class entertainment in the
heart of the Twin Cities.
of public policy, anti-violence, education
and training, and law.
Minnesota Public Radio
Helping prepare students for careers in the Providing in depth news coverage, 84 Church St. SE 310 E. 38th St., Ste. 204
visual and practical arts. classical music and emerging artists on our Minneapolis, MN Minneapolis, MN (612) 822-0127
15 South 9th Street three regional services. Business Office: 612-625-6600 www.outfront.org
Minneapolis, MN (612) 332-3361 (651) 290-1212 Ticket Office: 612-624-2345
www.artinstitutes.edu/minneapolis www.mpr.org northrop.umn.edu

66
Pride St. Mark’s Episcopal Cathedral
Wherever you are on your faith journey...
Student/Campus/Alumni Visit Minneapolis North Convention
& Visitors Bureau
Twin Cities Pride Minnesota GLBTA Campus Alliance
The third-largest national Pride celebration St. Mark’s Welcomes You. A statewide alliance of students, staff, faculty, We take pride in helping individuals find
seeks sponsors, volunteers, and board 519 Oak Grove St. Minneapolis, MN alumni, and community members uniting for the ideal location for events & celebrations.
members. Contact us today. (612) 870-7800 campus change. 6200 Shingle Creek Parkway, Suite 248,
2021 East Hennepin Ave, Ste. 460 www.ourcathedral.org 2136 Ford Parkway #131 St. Paul, MN Minneapolis, MN
Minneapolis, MN (612) 305-6900 (612) 730-8541 763.566.7722 / 800.541.4364
www.tcpride.org St. Paul-Reformation Lutheran www.mncampusalliance.org www.visitminneapolisnorth.com
Church with Wingspan Ministry
Public Market + PASTORAL CARE + EDUCATION + Travel Youth
Midtown Global Market WITNESS + ADVOCACY + Outreach Grand Marais Area Tourism District 202
An internationally-themed public market with of St. Paul-Reformation Church to the Association District 202 provides social, cultural and
over 40 independent vendors offering the GLBTQA Community. Visit the North Shore's only harbor village educational opportunities for GLBT youth
finest selection of produce, meats, delicacies, 100 N. Oxford St. - art, dining, shopping, outdoor activities, ages 21 and under.
prepared foods, grocery items, unique gifts St. Paul, MN the perfect escape. www.dist202.org
and services from around the world. (651) 224-3371 P.O Box 1048
920 E. Lake St. Suite G.10 www.stpaulref.org 13 North Broadway Ave Zoo
Minneapolis, MN (612) 872-4041 Grand Marais, MN Minnesota Zoo
University Lutheran Church of Hope (888) 922-5000 Open year-round. More than 2,400
Religious & Spiritual Reconciling Congregation - All Are
Welcome. Social Justice Opportunities.
(218) 387-2524 animals to explore.
Numerous special events.
Central Lutheran Church www.grandmarais.com
We welcome all people to celebrate, Strong University Links - Questioning 13000 Zoo Blvd
discover and share the love of Christ. Encouraged. Great Music. Palm Springs Bureau of Tourism Apple Valley MN
333 Twelfth St. S. 601 13th Ave. SE Minneapolis, MN America's Gay Oasis is Beautiful (952) 431-9200
Minneapolis, MN (612) 331-5988 www.ulch.org Palm Springs. www.mnzoo.org
(612) 870-4416 www.palm-springs.org
www.centralmpls.org Westminster Presbyterian Church
A Covenant Network Congregation,
Edina Community Lutheran Church Working Toward a Church as Generous
Upbeat, growing congregation committed and Just as God’s Grace.
to inclusion, justice, peace, community and Nicollet Mall at 12th St. Minneapolis, MN
proclaiming God’s YES to all. (612) 332-3421
4113 W. 54th St. www.ewestminster.org
Edina, MN (952) 926-3808
www.eclc.org Retirement
The Kenwood Retirement
Hennepin Avenue United Community
Methodist Church Our full service retirement community
Take a Spiritual Journey With Hennepin’s provides Independent, Assisted Living and
Faith Community Through Worship, Short Term apartment rentals.
Education, Fellowship, Service, and More. 825 Summit Avenue, Minneapolis, MN
511 Groveland Ave. Minneapolis, MN 612-374-8100
(612) 871-5303 www.haumc.org www.thekenwood.net

Mayflower Community Congre- Old Town In Town

gational United Church of Christ 728 E. 16th St. #4
An open and affirming, peace with justice Minneapolis, MN
church welcomes you. (612) 341-4394
106 E. Diamond Lake Rd. (I-35 & Diamond oldtownintown@gmail.com
Lake Rd.)
Minneapolis, MN (612) 824-0761 Sexual Health
www.mayflowermpls.org Man2Man
Interactive events where guys talk to one
Mount Olive Lutheran Church another about being gay/bi, dating,
Ours is a welcoming parish, rich in music, sex, life!
liturgy and opportunities to serve Metro (612) 626-7937
the community. 1-800-552-8636
3045 Chicago Ave. Minneapolis, MN www.M2M.mn
(612) 827-5919
www.mountolivechurch.org Family Tree Clinic
LGBTQ Health Matters at Family Tree !
Plymouth Congregational Church, Offering respectful, affordable sexual
Minneapolis health service to meet your needs.
A Beacon of Liberal Theology. Progressive 1619 Dayton Avenue
Christianity, Traditional Setting & Service, St. Paul, MN
Social Action, The Arts & Music. (651) 645-0478
1900 Nicollet Ave. at Franklin www.familytreeclinic.org
Minneapolis, MN
(612) 871-7400 Social Organizations
www.plymouth.org Imperial Court of Minnesota
P.O. Box 582417
Spirit of Hope Minneapolis, MN
An Independent Catholic community. www.impcourtmn.com
At our table, all are welcome. Mass at
5 PM Saturday evening. Fr. Marty
Shanahan. Worship at:
Sports & Recreation
Twin Cities Goodtime Softball
St. Anne’s Episcopal Church League (TCGSL)
2035 Charlton Rd Join 500 GLBT softball players as we
Sunfish Lake, MN celebrate 32 years of gay softball
www.spiritofhopecatholiccommunity.org in Minnesota.
PO Box 580264
LavenderMagazine.com
LavenderMagazine.com

St. Luke Presbyterian Church

We’re a joyful, compassionate community Minneapolis, MN
on a spiritual journey, seeking justice and www.tcgsl.org
peace. Join us.
3121 Groveland School Rd.
Wayzata, MN (952) 473-7378
www.stlukeweb.org

67
 Classifieds
Employment
Health/Fitness
501 FIT. Strength with Class. Improve your
life. Fun, Effective and Affordable Strength
Training Classes. Try “1” Class for FREE! 501
Washington Ave. S. 3rd Fl., Minneapolis, MN.
(612) 767-4415. www.501fit.com.
GET REAL FITNESS - Helps you get Rock
Hard. Be hot and buff for spring. Invest in
your personalized training routine today and
get the body you deserve. Free consultation:
(952) 486-3344 or get-real-fitness.com.
Home Furnishings
COTTAGE HOUSE • An Occasional Market •
Next sale: PARIS APARTMENT! • April 7, 8, 9,
10, 11. Wed: 1 - 6pm. Thurs-Sun: 10am - 6pm
March 26–April 8, 2010
• 4304 Chicago Ave. S., Minneapolis, MN.
FLAMINGOS • An Occasional Market • Next
sale: Friday - Sunday, April 7-11, 10am - 6pm •
3404 Cedar Ave. S. Minneapolis, MN
(612) 767-4548.
68
House Cleaning
T. THOMAS LIDDELL, Residential cleaning.
Dependable - Honest. Excellent references.
Weekly, bi-weekly, monthly, flexible sched-
ules. tliddellcleaning@yahoo.com.
Call Terry: (612) 834-4887.
CLEANING MASTER INC. - Owner oper-
ated. Serving the community since 1997. I'm
responsible, honest & respectful. I have kept
clients 12 years. (612) 521-9658.
The Maids Home Services gives you the
healthiest, most thorough housecleaning,
guaranteed! Supervised teams, bonded,
insured, environmentally safe cleaning prod-
ucts are why Nobody Outcleans The Maids.
Free estimates (952) 929-6243.
www.maids.com.
Pet Products/Services
FREE to a Good Home. 13 year-old minia-
ture white male poodle. Well trained, neu-
tered, good healthy dog. Great home com-
panion and lap dog. Owner had change in
living situation. Carolyn: (612) 232-2249.
Photographers
Rogue Photography has a unique vision and
is passionate about her photography. Call
Ann for your family portraits, weddings, se-
nior pics, pets, and real estate listings.
612-308-1488 www.roguephotography.com.
Psychotherapy
Dan Maki, MA, LMFT - Individual Couples &
Family Therapy. Helping people build confi-
dence, hope and fulfillment in life and rela-
tionships. Office now located at 394 and 100
in St. Louis Park. (952) 544-68069.
www.danmaki.com.
IRENE GREENE, MSEd, Psychotherapist:
24 years experience. Individual, Couples
Counseling, Mediation. Life changes, rela-
tionship, gender, sexuality, parenting, anger,
anxiety, depression. Coming Out, Sexual
Abuse, DID Groups. Sliding fee. Professional,
nonjudgmental, confidential. (612) 874-6442.
irenegreene@earthlink.net.
Dennis Christian, LICSW: Pay attention to
thoughts, feelings, relationships; reconcile
unwanted aspects of yourself; accept im-
possible but inevitable situations, face the
frightening but changeable ones; realize the
true beauty of your inner Self. (612) 940-7033.
www.dennischristian.com.
Real Estate
TILSNER ARTIST CO-OP - Rare Find! 2 BR
Real Estate Apt OR Loft - $995! Pinewood floors, lots of
storage, great views. NO monthly pet rent!
ReeApartments.com. (651) 203-6704.
POWDERHORN PARK. 35xx 15th Avenue
South. Classic 2-bedroom lower duplex. Ga-
rage, fireplace, window AC, washer/dryer.
Non-smoking. Owner occupied. Available
April 1. $950 plus utilities, deposit.
6- or 12-month lease. (612) 722-3373.
CHASKA’S LUXURY COMMUNITY - 1 & 2
Bedroom Homes. Cats & Small Dogs Wel-
come, Exceptional Value – Heat Included.
Washer/Dryer in your Home, Spacious Floor
Plans, Garage Available. Call about our Spe-
cials. (952) 448-9201. Warm & Inviting –
A Must See! www.firstselectequities.
LORING PARK - Classic 2 BR & Den. Natural
woodwork, hardwood floors, dishwasher, bal-
cony, offstreet parking available. Overlooks
lake, blocks to downtown. $1,100/month
includes heat, cooking, water. Rent specials.
(651) 373-0603.
Roommates
Fridley - Share a 3 BR house with one male.
Shared kitchen and laundry. Separate bath-
room. Walkout patio, deck and grill. Offstreet
parking. No pets. $450 plus utilities.
Call Chris: (218) 831-6309.
Spa Services
THE SPA by PetertGlaser@yahoo.com. 2736
Hennepin, UPTOWN. 612.986.4929 Catering
to the Beauty Rituals for all Men and Women.
Handcrafted Natural Facials. Body and Bra-
zilian Waxing and Trimming. Manicures.
Pedicures. Massage.
Tax Services
Northeast Tax & Accounting - Personal &
Business Tax Preparation Payroll & Book-
keeping Services Since 1994 (612) 558-6197
www.netaxaccounting.com.
Therapeutic Massage
STRONG & RELAXING hands, resulting in
bodywork at its best! Bruck, MT, DC in South
Minneapolis @ (612) 306-6323.
FULL BODY DEEP TISSUE MASSAGE. Relax
& Unwind from Head to Toe. Private S. Mpls
Studio. Music, Candles, Jacuzzi, Full Bath. In/
Out Calls. 7 days. 10am - 10pm.
(612) 388-8993. Keith
FULL BODY MASSAGE. Warm relaxing
atmosphere, Minneapolis. Hour Massage
$60.00. Shower Available. (612) 219-6743. 7
days a week, 10 am - 10 pm. Therapist: 5'10,
167#, 32 waist.
Ms. Behavior© |
[ by Meryl Cohn ]

Are Kilts Drag?

Dear Ms. Behavior:
Recently, my partner, Bill, and I at-
tended the wedding of two straight friends.
Everything was as expected, except that
the groom wore a Scottish kilt. I thought
it looked great, and I told Bill I’d like to
wear a kilt for our wedding, too.
Well, Bill was not very supportive.
We agreed to have a fairly conservative
ceremony, and he insists that kilts quali-
fy as drag. I’m insisting that they’re not,
because Scottish men have been wearing
them for centuries.
Bill’s not convinced. In fact, he has put
his money where his mouth is, saying that
if I’m right, he’ll wear one as well. So,
we’re writing to you.
Are Scottish kilts considered “drag” or
not? If not, when wearing a kilt at your
own same-sex wedding ceremony, what
should you wear with it?
—Scotty

Dear Scotty:
Worn within the context of their cul-
tural tradition, kilts are not drag. However,
if you’re not Scottish, a kilt is just another
pretty dress. Similarly, if you’re not from
Sri Lanka or Bali, a sarong is a form of
drag, and if you’re not a transvestite pros-
titute in Lower Manhattan, a fluorescent
green micro mini is definitely drag.
Now, this is not to say that Ms. Behav-
ior disapproves of drag. Rather, she is cu-
rious why you would choose your wedding
day as a drag opportunity.
Have you explored this desire before?
Major life events, even happy ones, often
evoke feelings of longing and loss for what
might have been. Perhaps your wedding
brings up unconscious feelings of sadness
at never having been a bride. Or maybe you
view your wedding day as an opportunity
to show off your fabulous legs while sur-
rounded by loving friends and family.
Ms. Behavior consulted with her
friend, Joe the psychiatrist, who felt you
should not be deprived of the opportunity
to act out your drag fantasies. Perhaps you
could don a lovely kilt during a ceremo-
nious bachelorette party. Or maybe go all
the way, and slip into a festive white bridal
gown later in the reception.
LavenderMagazine.com

It may be that you’ll choose not to heed

Ms. Behavior’s advice, and wear a kilt to
your wedding anyway. Then, you still are
stuck with the question of what to wear

69
 March 26–April 8, 2010

70
Ms. Behavior© |
with it. While a traditional outfit (including
a short boiled-wool jacket and special knee
socks) typically is worn with the kilt, Ms. Be-
havior wonders what you had imagined. A
dramatic veil, perhaps? Seductive garters?
Keep in mind the only thing that really
complements a kilt is a set of bagpipes.

Dear Ms. Behavior:

Duke, my dream date, feels that the way
we met (a hot, throbbing gym-shower scene)
renders a meaningful relationship unlikely.
Does his claim that the sordid genesis
of this friendship precludes anything more
than tricking feel valid to you? Is a healthy
connection with this man in my stars?
I say that although the initial attraction
was sexual (like an earthquake), it’s a fine
beginning. I get sweaty and dizzy just re-
counting that day. Even though we’re “not
having a relationship,” we speak every day,
and he comes over often…as a matter of
fact, he’s stopping by today.
Ms. B, what should I do? Should I ig-
nore his protestations?
I don’t want to push him away. I really
am beginning to like him. Besides, this
guy has real technique: He managed to
suck the earrings out of both my ears the
other night without my even noticing.
How’s that for being…
—Distracted

Dear Distracted:
Ms. Behavior does not understand the
nature of your complaint.
Do you want Duke to sit in a rocking
chair in your living room, and read Dos-
toevsky to you? Are you upset that you
haven’t taken any trips to the museum, or
gone to Shakespeare in the Park?
If you want something other than sexy
shower scenes with Duke, you’ll have to try
to create it. Ms. Behavior can’t help but no-
tice that, while you say you’d like to have a
“meaningful relationship” with Duke, the
events you recount are all hot, dizzy, or throb-
bing. This makes one question if your priori-
ties are really any different than Duke’s.
Sure, a relationship that begins in the
locker room has potential to extend be-
yond the perspiration stage, but if it turns
out to be nothing more than stupendous
sex, don’t you think you should say a
prayer of gratitude instead of griping?
P.S. You mentioned that Duke sucked
the earrings right out of your head, and
Ms. Behavior can't help but wonder: Did
LavenderMagazine.com

he swallow?
© 2010 Meryl Cohn. Address questions and correspondence
to <msbehavior@aol.com>. She is the author of Do What I Say:
Ms. Behavior’s Guide to Gay and Lesbian Etiquette (Houghton
Mifflin). Signed copies are available directly from the author.

71
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March 26–April 8, 2010

72
Yellow Pages > Advertiser Index
Adult
Déjà Vu....................................................72
Dream Girls ............................................70
Hardline Gay Chat ................................71
Hennepin Avenue Adult Boutique ........70
Megaphone ............................................72
Squirt-PressNet........................................72
Apparel & Accessories
STYLEDLIFE-styledlook ...........................5
Arts & Entertainment
Chloe .......................................................52
The Flower Shop Project ........................42
Hennepin Theatre Trust .........................45
Lady Gaga .............................................11
The Runaways .........................................41
Zeitgeist Arts Café ..................................43
Automotive
Hagen’s Auto Body ...............................61
LaMettry’s Collision ...............................28
Morrie’s Mazda & Subaru ...................57
Bars & Nightlife
Bar Advertiser Guide .............................46
19 Bar ......................................................52
Brass Rail .................................................48
Camp .......................................................52
Gay 90’s ................................................47, 49, 75
Gladius ....................................................51
Lush ..........................................................51
Minneapolis Eagle/Bolt ........................50
Tickles ......................................................51
Town House ...........................................53
Beauty & Relaxation
Anew Aesthetic Medical Center ...........41
Barbers on Bryant ..................................61
Garden of Eden......................................42
Beverages
Budweiser ...............................................15
Sorella Wine & Spirits ...........................21
Catering
Mintahoe Hospitality Group .................43
Coffee & Tea
Coffee and Tea Ltd.................................25
Northwoods Coffee Roast ....................29
Communications
89.3 The Current ....................................69
AM950, The Voice of Minnesota .........7
Minnesota Public Radio .........................69
Radio K 770 ..........................................45
Computer & Internet
DeskTech .................................................61
Snow White…
Blanche-Neige…
Education
Metropolitan State University................7
Events
Lavendre First Thursdays ........................69
Minnesota AIDS Project AIDS Walk ....37
Out at the Movies...................................57
Red Ribbon Ride ....................................43
Financial
Bender, Joy .............................................5
Boyer, Daniel ..........................................61
Moltaji, Roya ..........................................9
Palm, Karen .............................................7
ROR Tax Professionals ...........................7
US Bank ..................................................33
Wells Fargo Bank ...................................9
Floral & Garden
Landscape Junction ................................62
Tangletown Gardens..............................35
Food
Vinaigrette ...............................................27
Funeral Services
Johnson Hannah, Barbara ...................61
Gifts
Eyes of Horus..........................................61
Fantasy Gifts ...........................................38
Government
US Census...............................................31
Grocery Stores
Mississippi Market..................................23
Wedge Co-op.........................................25
Health, Wellness & Recovery
Burns, Steve ............................................64
Carrillo, Dr. Thomas P. ...........................64
Changing Pathways ...............................64
Heffelfinger, Kate ...................................64
HIM Program ..........................................53
Homecare Assist .....................................35
Laser Body Sculpture .............................27
LatitudesMeridian Behavioral Health...32
Lyn Lake Chiropractic .............................11
Mayfield Chiropractic............................41
Pride Institute...........................................61
Rainbow Health Initiative.......................60
Running Tiger Shaolin Kenpo................32
SKIN Medical Spa.................................27
Stechmann, Dr. Fred...............................64
Stolz, James ............................................64
Touch of Health Wellness Center..........61
University of Minnesota, Infectious
Diseases ..................................................39
Uptown Dermatology & SkinSpa .........64
… and the Seven Dwarfs.
…et les sept nains.
Home Furnishings & Accessories
Little Blind Spot .......................................35
Moveables Consignment .......................36
Home Services
A-Z Electric .............................................63
Bauer Floor Covering ............................63
Boe Plumbing..........................................36
Good Stuff Moving ................................63
Halet Remodeling & Renovations .........62
Hi-Tech Installations................................63
Matt’s Tree Service ................................62
Mr. Handyman .......................................62
Personal Pride Construction...................63
R. Davis Construction .............................63
Ryan’s Tree Care ....................................63
Soderlin Plumbing, Heating &
Air Conditioning .....................................62
SOS Homecare ......................................62
Tangletown Design and Interiors ..........62
The Tile Shop ..........................................33
Todd the Plumber....................................63
Twin City Heating and Air .....................35
Universal Windows Direct .....................35
Vujovich ...................................................9
Insurance
American Family Insurance ...................41
Arens, John ..............................................63
Baldwin, Davina .....................................63
Tri-State ....................................................8
Wagner Insurance-Financial Services ..63
Wolfson, Steve........................................63
Jewelry
Tesa Jewelry............................................29
Max’s ......................................................37
Legal
Cloutier & Brandl....................................29
Dean, Jeff ................................................11
Heltzer & Burg ........................................42
Hoffner Law Firm ....................................5
Moshier, Becky .......................................7
Terry & Slane ..........................................8
Malls & Shopping Centers
Mall of America .....................................76
Mortgage
Lozinski, David........................................27
Pet Products & Services
Animal Humane Society .......................3, 28
Douglas Animal Hospital.......................6
Larpenteur Animal Hospital...................32
Pampered Pooch Playground................63
Real Estate & Rentals
Calfee, David..........................................64
Corridor Flats ..........................................29
Farinella, Marilyn ...................................64
Leviton, Ann ............................................64
McGee, Michael....................................36
Miller, Valencia ......................................32
Minneapolis Grand Apartments ...........33
Old Town In Town ..................................36
Richardson, Beth.....................................43
Ruzick, Amy & Johnson, Kay .................27, 64
Religious
Calvary Lutheran Church.......................58
Central Lutheran Church .......................58
Hennepin Avenue United
Methodist Church ...................................59
Mayflower Community Congregational
United Church of Christ .........................59
Plymouth Congregational Church ........58
St. Luke Presbyterian Church .................59
St. Paul-Reformation Lutheran
Church with Wingspan Ministry ...........58
Westminster Presbyterian Church .........59
Restaurants
B.A.N.K. Westin Minneapolis ...............17
Bin Wine Bar ..........................................2
Cecil’s Deli ..............................................32
Dancing Ganesha ..................................17
Duplex Restaurant and Wine Bar .........23
The Favor Café .......................................25
Fuji-Ya ......................................................17
GInger Hop/Honey ...............................23
KinDee Thai Restaurant .........................23
Fusion: Restaurant Bar Lounge ..............28
OM ..........................................................21
Park Tavern Bowling & Entertainment
Center ......................................................23
Roat Osha ...............................................25
Sanctuary Restaurant .............................21
Subo ........................................................23
Sushi Tango.............................................25
Toast Wine Bar & Café..........................25
Uptown Diner/Calhoun Grill/
Louisiana Café/Grandview Grill ..........21
Sports & Recreation
Hoigaard’s ..............................................11
Travel & Accommodations
Graves 601 Hotels.................................6
The Hotel Minneapolis...........................57
The St. Paul Hotel ...................................38
LavenderMagazine.com
What an orgy, eh!
Tu parles d’une orgie!
73
 Backtalk > Consider the Source
Dear Dr. Lovenot:
T
oday’s guest columnist is Dr. Julie Lovenot, an expert on
love and sexuality. She specializes in human sexual dys-
function, especially her own.
Dear Dr. Lovenot:
I recently saw Heidi Fleiss on Celebrity
Rehab, and I recall Charlie Sheen admitting
to paying her call girls in excess of $50,000.
When I paid $7 to see his horrible bomb
Hot Shots, how much of that money eventu-
ally went to finance those activities?
Answer:
Movie studio accountants have many
clever techniques for concealing where your
box office dollar goes. Knowledgeable insid-
ers, however, have provided the following
breakdown of how that $7 was divided:
$2.25 to the film’s producers
$1.50 to the theater owners.
$0.50 to the usher who cleans up that
disgusting popcorn and soda mess you
leave under your seat
$0.25 to pay interest on the national debt
$0.75 to pay interest on the last Charlie
Sheen feature, Scary Movie 4
$1.75 for Charlie Sheen’s “dates”
Dear Dr Lovenot:
According to Frank Sinatra, “It’s witch-
craft, that wicked witchcraft.” What is he
referring to exactly?
Answer:
March 26–April 8, 2010
Mr. Sinatra, best known as Nancy’s
father, is no doubt referring to the vaga-
ries of love—the maddening and mystical
qualities that no one since Shakespeare has
quite understood. We all pretty much know
how love feels. Yet, in purely physiologi-
cal sense, it’s hard to explain just what love
74
does to the body. To simulate the chemical
process, try pouring Pepsi on corroded bat-
tery terminals.
Dear Dr. Lovenot:
My friend, Jeffrey, is always joking
about the “ATM Rules of Romance.” I’m
not sure what he means. When I signed up
at my new bank, they mentioned nothing
about such a rule, and I can find nothing in
the small print.
Answer:
The “ATM Rule of Romance” is a new
and simple way of determining whether
your love life is adequate. Here’s how it
works: If you’re going to the automated
teller more often than you’re making love,
it’s time for a new relationship. Simple as
that. The only exception is if you’re a fa-
mous actor, in which case, quick cash and
sex go hand in hand.
Dear Dr. Lovenot:
My girlfriend and I are having a dis-
agreement. She wants to wear her hair in
that long shaggy style once worn by ’70s
tennis star Billie Jean King. Yuck! It was
horrible on her, and it was horrible on Stre-
isand in A Star is Born. The whole stupid
thing is straining our love life.
Answer:
The hairstyle you’re describing, clini-
cally known as “Fatal Attraction Hair,” is, of
course, named for the one worn by Glenn
Close in the 1987 movie. Because it is so easy
[ by Julie Dafydd ]
to maintain, this “horrible” style is starting
to become popular again. It allows women
more time to do the things they like to do.
It’s also a handy place to hide a knife.
Dear Dr. Lovenot:
What did Romeo say to Juliet that made
her so nuts for him?
Answer:
No one knows for sure, but it was probably,
“Here, take my gold card. I never use it.”
Dear Dr. Lovenot:
As an added precaution, I make my boy-
friend wear a wet suit when we make love. I
believe this is the only way to guarantee safe
and worry-free sex. He says this interferes
with his enjoyment. Am I being unfair?
Answer:
Not at all. As Dr. Lovenot often points
out, there’s no legal substitute for common
sense, at least not in the United States.
Some countries do have legal substitutes
for common sense, but evil despots usually
rule them. These can be horrible, Fourth
World nations. Sure, you can get a pretty
good deal on a house there, but that’s be-
cause the cable service really stinks, and
you pay an arm and a leg for a decent steak.
So, in your case, Dr. Lovenot advises these
safe-sex steps:
• Stay in the United States.
• Make your boyfriend wear a wet suit.
• Put a bag over his head, spin him around
six times, and then go shopping.
Of course, consider the source here. I
am, after all, Dr. Lovenot.
Bye for now.
Kiss, kiss.
 Dining Guide Listing |

AVERAGE PRICE OF A TYPICAL ENTREE

$ LESS THAN $15, $$ $15-$25, $$$ MORE THAN $25

Our Guide to the Metro Eateries Featured in This Issue Lav-

ender Magazine’s Dining Guide is your resource to GLBT-
friendly restaurants. We recommend calling restaurants be-
fore visiting to confirm information.
Lavender’s cuisine section and updated dining guide appears
each issue. Please direct questions about the directory and
cuisine advertising to dining@lavendermagazine.com.
Dancing Ganesha. Photos by Hubert Bonnet

B.A.N.K $$$ FUSION $$

Modern American cuisine Sushi, Flatbreads, Panini, Sandwiches
Step into BANK restaurant and prepare to be captivated. Delight in the retro- Sounds, Style. Swank. See and be seen at our dynamic happy hour.
glamorous and modernly comfortable surroundings. Dinner
Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner 2919 Hennepin Ave., Minneapolis (612) 824-6300
88 S. 6th St. Minneapolis (612) 656-3255 www.fusionmpls.com
Mon – Fri: 6 AM – 10 AM, 11 AM – 2:30 PM, 5:30 PM – 10 PM •
Sat – Sun: 7 AM – 10:30 AM, 11 AM – 2:20 PM, 5:30 PM – 10 PM GINGER HOP / HONEY $
Asian
BIN WINE BAR $ Specializing in pan-Asian classic dishes. As we say, “East meets Northeast”.
Wines, Beers, Liquors, Light Fare Lunch, Dinner
Whether it’s a glass of wine, a chilled bear, a single-malt Scotch or a yummy 201 E. Hennepin Ave., Minneapolis (612) 746-0305
chocolate martini, Bin Wine Bar is your new neighborhood hangout. www.gingerhop.com
Dinner
400 Sibley, Ste. 150, St. Paul, (651) 224-94463 www.binwinebar.com THE GRANDVIEW GRILL $
Tues – Sat: 3 PM – Bar close • Sun – Mon: Available for American
private parties Fresh hand ground hash browns, French toast, omelets, pancakes, coffee, juices,
soups, salads & sandwiches.
CECIL’S DELI $ Breakfast, Brunch, Lunch
Deli/Bakery 1818 Grand Ave., St. Paul (651) 698-2346
We specialize in box lunches & deli trays! Anything on our menu can be made Mon – Fri: 6:15 AM – 2:30 PM • Sat: 6:15 AM – 3 PM • Sun: 8 AM – 3 PM
to go, just ask.
Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner KINDEE THAI $
651 S. Cleveland, St. Paul (651) 698-6276 Thai
Deli: Mon – Sun 9 AM – 9 PM This isn’t your traditional everyday Thai restaurant.
Restaurant: Mon – Sun 9 AM – 8 PM Lunch, Dinner
719 S. 2nd St., Minneapolis (612) 465-8303
COFFEE & TEA LTD. $ Mon: Closed • Tues – Thurs: 11:30 AM – 9 PM • Fri: 11:30 AM – 10:30 PM • Sat:
Coffee 11 AM – 10:30 PM • Sun: 11 AM – 9 PM
Our passion is to create affordable luxury. Try us, you will taste the difference.
2730 W. 43rd St. Minneapolis (612) 920-6344 THE LOUISIANA CAFÉ $
Mon – Fri: 9 AM – 8 PM • Sat: 9 AM – 6 PM • Sun: 12 PM – 5 PM American
Sears – Mall of America, Bloomington, MN (952) 854-2883 Fresh hand ground hash browns, French toast, omelets, pancakes, coffee, juices,
Mon – Fri: 10 AM – 9:30 PM • Sat: 9:30 AM – 9:30 PM • Sun: 10:30 PM – 7 PM soups, salads & sandwiches.
Breakfast, Brunch,
613 Selby Ave., St. Paul (651) 221-9140
DANCING GANESHA $$
Mon – Fri: 6:30 AM – 2:30 PM • Sat: 6:30 AM – 3 PM • Sun: 8 AM – 3 PM
Contemporary Indian
We would like you to come & enjoy our novel Indian cuisines in an extraordi-
NEW UPTOWN DINER $
nary ambiance.
American
Lunch, Dinner
Fresh hand ground hash browns, French toast, omelets, pancakes, coffee, juices,
1100 Harmon Pl., Minneapolis (612) 388-1877
soups, salads & sandwiches.
Mon – Sat: 11 AM – 2 PM, 4 PM – 10:30 PM • Sun: 11 AM – 2 PM, 5 PM – 9 PM Breakfast, Brunch, Lunch
2548 Hennepin Ave. S. Minneapolis (612) 874-0481
DUPLEX $ Mon – Wed: 6 AM – 3 PM • Thurs – Sat: 24 Hours • Sun: Close at 6 PM
French, Italian, American
Unique entrees, moderately priced, cozy space with up-beat staff. OM $$
Brunch, Lunch, Dinner Indian
2516 Hennepin Ave., Minneapolis (612) 381-0700 Modern approach to Indian cuisine featuring bold and distinctive flavors.
www.duplexmpls.com Dinner
March 26–April 8, 2010

401 First Ave. N., Minneapolis (612) 338-1510

FUJI YA JAPANESE RESTAURANT $$
Japanese & Sushi
Authentic Japanese food, finest sushi available, Uptown Minneapolis,
downtown St. Paul.
600 W. Lake St., Minneapolis (612) 871-4055
Mon: Closed • Tues – Thurs: 5 PM – 10 PM • Fri – Sat: 5 PM – 10:30 PM • Sun: 5 PM – 9 PM
465 N. Wabasha, St. Paul (651) 310-0111 • Mon – Fri: Lunch 11:30 AM – 2 PM.
Dinner 5 PM—10 PM • Sat: Dinner 5 PM – 10 PM • Sun: Closed
www.omminneapolis.com
PARK TAVERN BOWLING & ENTERTAINMENT CENTER $
American
50 years of dining & entertainment – award winning food, groups up to 300.
Weekend Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, Late Night Daily
3401 Louisiana Ave., St. Louis Park (952) 929-6810
Mon – Fri: 10:30 AM – 12:30 AM • Sat – Sun: 9 AM – 12:30 AM

77
 Roat Osha.

The Grandview Grill. New Uptown Diner.

ROAT OSHA $$
Thai
Uniquely crafted authentic and American influences. Decor that invites conver-
sation
Lunch, Dinner
2650 Hennepin Ave. S., Minneapolis
Sat: 11 AM – 11 PM • Sun: 11 AM – 10:30 PM

SANCTUARY $$$
Fusion/New American cuisine
New American cuisine prepared and spiced with classic Mediterranean and
Japanese influences.
Dinner
903 Washington Ave. S. (612) 339-5058 • www.sanctuaryminneapolis.com

SUBO $$
Filipino fusion
Eclectic Southeast Asian dishes with bold, exotic flavors served on small plates.
89 S. 10th St., Minneapolis (612) 886-2377
Tues – Thurs: 4 PM – Midnight • Fri – Sat: 4 PM – 2 AM • Closed Monday

SUSHI TANGO $$
Japanese
Exciting and eccentric mix of Japanese cuisine and Uptown attitude.
Lunch, Dinner
Calhoun Square, (612) 822-7787
Mon – Wed: 5 PM – 1 AM • Thurs – Sun: Noon – 1 AM

THE FAVOR CAFÉ $

Soul Food
Offers the best in authentic Jamaican-Creole-soul food in the Twin Cities.
Brunch, Dinner
913 W. Lake St., Minneapolis (612) 821-0553 • www.1favorcafe.com

TOAST WINE BAR AND CAFÉ $

Wine bar with Italian influence
Neighborhood wine bar serving pizzas, cured meats and small plates.
Dinner
415 N. 1st St., Minneapolis, MN (612) 333-4305
Tues – Thurs: 5 PM – 11 PM • Fri – Sat: 5 PM – 12 AM • Sun: 5 PM – 11 PM

THE WOODBURY CAFÉ $

American
Fresh hand ground hash browns, French toast, omelets, pancakes, coffee, juic-
es, soups, salads & sandwiches.
Breakfast, Brunch, Lunch
Bielenberg & Tamarack, Woodbury, MN (651) 209-8182
Mon – Fri: 7 AM – 2:30 PM • Sat: 7 AM – 3 PM • Sun: 8 AM – 3 PM

ZEITGEIST ARTS CAFÉ $

American
Duluth’s newest dining experience offering contemporary American dining and full
bar in an art-filled setting.
Lunch, Dinner
222 E. Superior St., Duluth, MN (218) 722-9100
Mon – Thurs: 11 AM – 10 PM • Fri: 11 AM – 11 PM • Sat: 4 PM – 11 PM • Closed
Sunday
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www.zeitgeistartscafe.com

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