What is friendship?

Friendship is a relationship of mutual affection between two or more

people.[1] Friendship is a stronger form of interpersonal bond than an
association. Friendship has been studied in academic fields such
as sociology, social psychology, anthropology, and philosophy. Various
academic theories of friendship have been proposed, including social
exchange theory, equity theory, relational dialectics, and attachment
styles. A World Happiness Database study found that people with close
friendships are happier.[2]
Although there are many forms of friendship, some of which may vary
from place to place, certain characteristics are present in many types of
friendship. Such characteristics include
affection, sympathy, empathy, honesty, altruism,
mutual understanding and compassion, enjoyment of each other's
company, trust, and the ability to be oneself, express one's feelings, and
make mistakes without fear of judgment from the friend.
While there is no practical limit on what types of people can form a
friendship, friends tend to share common backgrounds, occupations, or
interests, and have similar demographics.

Friendship is a type of relationship between two people who care

about each other. But such a dry definition doesn't do the concept of
friendship justice. Consider these examples: A friend is the first person
you want to call when you hear good news. A friend remembers that you
don't like pickles on your sandwich. A friend will accompany you on the
most boring of errands and make them seem fun.
In other words, friendship is wonderful, and much ink has been spilled in
citing the virtues of having friends. That's not to say friendship is easy,
though. It demands time and effort, and it requires that people put
someone other than themselves first sometimes. But in exchange for that
work, a friend can provide an immense amount of support and comfort in
good times and in bad.

Friendship is the most wonderful relationship that anyone can have.

Ideally a friend is a person who offers love and respect and will never
leave or betray us. Friends can tell harsh truths when they must be told.
There are four different types of friends: True friends, Convenient friends,
Special interest friends, and historical friends. To have friendship is to
have comfort. In times of crisis and depression, a friend is there to calm us
and to help lift up our spirits.
Kind of friends,
1.True friend
a true friend is someone who will stand by you, no matter what.
Someone who keeps your secrets. Someone who knows you so better than
you know yourself.
A true friend is someone who has touched your heart and will stay
there. Someone you care for, who cares for you. Someone you can do the
stupidest things around and always be forgiven. Someone you'll instantly
remember in ten years because they are in your heart and not just your
mind. They have the ability to change you, even if they don't. They will be
etched in your memories forever.
A True Friend not only likes to hang out with you and party and have
good times, but thinks about you when you're apart and wishes good
things for you. A True Friend may not talk to you every day or even every
week, but can catch up in a matter of minutes. A True Friend will come to
your aid, even when you haven't talked to them in weeks. Time doesn't
lessen a True Friend's affinity for you. True Friends also are
most honest with you, rather than shining you on.

2. convenience friend
A person who is only around when it is easy and convenient for
them. They are the people who, if not placed around us, (ex. dorm rooms),
all the time, they wouldn't really be friends. They are usually used to do
things for you, if you need a ride to and from school, etc. They are
basically friends who need you around when they need a favor, or when
they are just so bored out of their minds that they would rather hang out
with you than sit around all day, but they'd never put you first.

How to be a good friend

If you want to do all or many of the things listed above for someone
you care about, youre already a good friend. Its also common though, to
not know exactly what to do or say to be there for someone. Some
practical things you can do to be there for a friend include:
Listen. Listening is so important not to underestimate, but it can be hard
to do. The best way to listen is to try and understand the situation from
your friends point of view. If you aim to do this, youll naturally find
yourself beginning to ask the right sort of questions and they will
appreciate having someone who really cares about how they feel and
what theyre going through. You dont have to have all the answers, and
you shouldnt assume your friend wants advice they might just want to
talk so that they can work out what theyre going to do themselves.
Ask them what they need. If youre worried about someone and you want
to be there for them, just ask them what they need- that way you know
what they find helpful during tough times, and you can be there in a way
thats most useful to them.
Get physical. Smiles and hugs are a great way to show friends that theyre
not alone, that youre there for them, and that they are important.
Keep in touch. Even if you guys arent nearby each other, making an effort
to keep in touch through facebook, emails, texts and calls will show your
friend you are there for them.
Tell them how you feel. You dont have to make a big deal of it all the time
but sometimes there are moments where letting someone know that
theyre important to you through something you say, can make a big
difference to how someone is feeling.
Get the facts. If your friend has a medical condition, or a mental health
issue, a good way to offer support is to learn about what theyve been
diagnosed with. Taking an interest in what theyre going through shows
that you care, and that youre planning to stick around no matter whats
going on.
Be willing to make a tough call. If you think the safety of your friend is at
risk, you might need to act without their consent and get help (see the

sidebar for where you can seek help). It can be a hard choice particularly
when youre worried about their reaction, but remember that you are
acting because you care and you dont want them to be hurt.

Make sure theyre okay the moment you sense something wrong.

Its easy to go overboard, but when tactful it can mean the world to them
when you show youre concerned. Send them a text, a phone call (even
better,) or surprise them by showing up at their front door. Make an
excuse to spend time with them. This doesnt mean you have to shove
advice down their throat. It just means showing you want them to be okay.
Unfortunately, theres no universal method to being caring without being
too pushy. Instead, youve got to figure out what works best and adjust as
needed.
Some people are very good at hiding their negative emotions. Hopefully
youve learned when theyre wearing a mask. Masks get heavy when you
wear them for so long and sometimes you forget how to take it off. I used
to put on a brave face when I was going through rough times. It sucked
but having good friends around who knew when I wasnt really okay
helped a lot.
Know when to be serious and when to be goofy.
When its time to be serious, you get down to business. No goofing off. No
cheap attempt at being funny to avoid the real issues. You may argue
from time to time and thats alright. Its natural. Be mature and aim at
finding common ground instead of trying to divert the attention
elsewhere.
There are times to be messing around, but it gets tiring for others if you
dont know how or when to turn it off. If you cant then how can others
trust you enough to share important things with you?
Go the extra mile when they ask for help.
When they ask for your opinion or help on something that means
something. It means they value what you think. If someone hands you an
essay asking for you to help proofread or revise it then go the extra mile.
Bust out a red pen and start marking it up like crazy. Show them youre as
invested as they are.
This means never half-ass things when it comes to your friends. These are
your friends were talking about here. Its a committed relationship and it
sucks when the other person doesnt put in effort to help when needed.

 Dont give up on them during their darkest hours.

Going hand in hand with the first point, you dont give up. If theyre going
through really difficult times then they may begin to close themselves off
from you and your other friends. Theyd say no to going out and hide from
the world. This annoys some people and eventually they give up, but good
friends keep trying.
Sure, it sucks to be the one trying to pull a friend out of rough times and it
does get difficult to not throw my hands up in the air with frustration, but
damn it, I know theyre not going to be able to get out on their own.
Make them feel wanted.
This means you listen to everything they say intently. You show you like
being around them. Hell, sometimes even say it outright. Youre an
awesome friend, Its not as fun when youre not there, or I like
hanging out with you, you know? You should be comfortable enough
together to be blunt about it without feeling weird.
Insecurity kicks in even when it shouldnt. It doesnt take a lot to show you
care and re-assure them from time to time.
Tell them, Ive always got your back, at least once (and mean it.)
Remind them that youre friends for life by making sure they know youll
always be there. This means keeping in touch or being there to cheer
them up when theyve got it rough.
If youve never told your closest friends this then make sure you do next
time your friends tell you about a problem theyre hung up on.
Understand and respect boundaries.
Know that you dont have to be together 24/7. I need my space to
recharge and I dont always feel like hanging out with others. That doesnt
mean I dont like them. Good friends arent pushy and dont get upset
because of an occasional no. In fact, good friends know how to pick up
right where they left off no matter how long its been since they last saw
each other.
Be honest and constructive when needed.
Theres a difference between being conscious of their feelings and letting
them ruin themselves in the long-run. If theyve developed a bad habit
then kindly point it out and show youre concerned. Theyre picking up
smoking? You care about their lungs. Drinking too much? Let them know
youve noticed.

For less serious examples, imagine their breath smells and theyre going
on a date. Do you want them to crash and burn later or would you rather
let them suffer an ego hit, fix their act, and get out there in full
confidence? If you feel like criticisms are harsh, offer them tips on how to
improve.
Introduce them to others.
Your social circle might be tightly knit, but theres always room for
expansion. Introduce them to people they dont know just to show youre
not afraid of being seen with them. Remember, you want to be proud of
being in public with them.
Its up to them to decide if they want to start hanging out with these new
people in the long-run. In fact, it doesnt even matter if they do. Fun is
what youre aiming for here.
Jump to the rescue when asked.
We all get in unexpected trouble and its good to know people who would
jump to your rescue. My cars battery died in a parking lot at 3 in the
morning last month. I called people I knew would come to my aid because
they were the type to help. Guess who I didnt bother calling? Those who I
knew would have an excuse.
Dont bring up uncomfortable subjects they dislike.
This doesnt mean avoiding subjects that are important and possibly lifechanging. Im talking about bringing up things that serve no constructive
purpose but to annoy them or to just fill the silence. Which brings me to
my next point
Be okay with gaps in conversation.
Silent gaps will naturally occur in a conversation. Be comfortable with
them. Dont feel like you absolutely have to fill every single second with a
sentence. Its okay to be comfortable and just enjoy each others
company.
Especially as an introvert, I need time to recharge after spending time
with a lot of people. I really enjoy my time, but I need to recharge my
batteries on occasion. With that in mind, learn the real differences
between introverts and extroverts. You may have the wrong idea.
Be dependable (punctuality and keeping promises.)
When you say youll do something, be a person that sticks to your word.
That means being punctual, not going back on your promises, and
ensuring that youre viewed as a reliable friend.

Being unreliable will make your friends think twice before asking you for
something.
Learn how to apologize.
It takes a lot to admit you did something wrong. Dont be afraid of
admitting to your friends that you messed up. It happens to the best of us.
Someone who can swallow his or her pride and admit theyre in the wrong
is a great friend.
Dont know how to apologize? Check out this article, courtesy of The Art of
Manliness.
Know how to show youre happy for them.
We all get too caught up in our own lives and forget how to show
appreciation. Sure, we know we care, but its difficult for the other person
to know you do if you dont show it.
Its easy to tell when someone is dishonest. Wow, Im so happy for you,
with an non-eager face isnt very convincing. Be invested in their
successes and show in your facial expressions that you really are happy.
Show small gestures on occasion.
It can be as simple as buying them something you thought they might
like. Id be thrilled if a friend of mine bought me a Sonic Screwdriver
from Doctor Who. That would tell me a lot of things. First, I know they
remember what I enjoy. Second, they were thinking of me. Third, they
spent their hard-earned cash to let me know they like me. Awesome
feeling.
Start saying yes more often to your friends and make time for them.
Its not a good feeling to be turned down by your friends. Sometimes life
gets in the way and thats okay. After all, remember the point about
boundaries. However, I know how easy it is to say no. It becomes habitual.
Its just so easy when youre not feeling it. Make it a point to say yes
more often to your friends when you can.
Youre not that busy. Unless youre absolutely certain there is no possibility
of making room for your friends, you have no reason to have no time for
your friends. Its easy to convince yourself youre too busy. Dont buy into
your own stories. Always make time for them because its easy to drift
apart.
Keep in touch and make sure you dont drift apart.

Life goes on and everyone has their own thing to do. Sure, picking up
where you left off may be easy for you, but its just as easy to completely
lose contact. It takes effort, especially when theres a lot of physical
distance, to maintain a good friendship. Its a relationship that takes both
sides to work.
How to choose a friend
Think you don't get to just choose who you're friends with?
Absolutely not. You get just as much say who your friends are as they do.
Making friends is one thing, but choosing who your friends are is incredibly
important, because your friends are your guides in life as well as the
people who help define who you are. In some ways, they are family. There
are some friends who are closer to you than others, but who you choose
to share important parts of your life with matters.
Choose a Friend Who is Honest
A friend that is honest is one of the best friends you can have. Trust and
honesty are cornerstones in any relationship. Choosing a friend who can
tell you how it is will be something you'll appreciate greatly (albeit, you
may not always appreciate it in that particular moment, you'll look back
on it and appreciate it later...really). An honest friend will keep you from
walking out of the house wearing that awful green shirt or tell you that the
girl you're going to ask out isn't interested. They're supportive in their
honesty, and you should choose someone you know will not lie.
Choose a Friend Who Gets Your Quirks, Oddities, and Weird Sense of
Humor
Friends need to laugh together. We like our good times in life, and
sometimes the best times come from our own odd character traits.
Choose a friend who gets those quirks and can laugh with you rather than
at you. After all, if you choose a friend who gets your odd sense of humor,
it's likely they have one, too. Look for someone who will laugh with you at
a look or a glance. Those people will be some of your best friends. They
don't put you down for the things that make you different, they embrace
them!

Choose a Friend Who Stands By You in the Tough Times

It's so easy for us to be good friends in the fun times. There's all kinds of
laughter and joyful moments, and those times make relationships easy.
But who are the people who stand by you when times turn tough? Those
are your true friends. Those are the people that get that life doesn't
always go the way we plan. It's much harder to stand by someone that's
having a tough time, so choosing a friend that is strong enough to be the
shoulder to cry on or hold your hand when it's needed is a wise choice.
Choose a Friend Who Gives as Much as They Take
We've all had friends that only want things from us, but they never seem
willing to give to us when we need it. Relationships involve compromise.
Sometimes you're going to do what your friend wants to do, even though
it's not quite your thing, and sometime she or she is going to do what you
want to do, even though it's not quite their thing. When a relationship is
one-sided, we just end up feeling resentful and angry. It's not healthy.
Choose a friend with whom you feel a balance of give and take.
Choose a Friend Who Gets Your Faith is Important
Your faith is important to you, so why choose a friend who puts it down at
every chance they get? If your friends are pulling you away from God, are
they really your friends? Not likely. A true friend, whether they believe
what you do or not, will support your choice to be a Christian. It tends to
be why Christians often choose other Christian friends, because they want
to be with people that help them stay on a Christian path.
Choose a Friend Who Likes the Things You Do
While friendship is full of compromise, it helps if you choose friends who
share in a lot of your interests. It gives you things to talk about or share. It
makes deciding on stuff to do easier. You don't have to choose a friend
who likes every single little thing you do, but you should have some
shared interests.

The effect of friend

1. Friendfluence affects you in more ways than you realize. Flora made
up the word "friendfluence" to capture the effect that friends have on

our lives: Friendfluence is the powerful and often unappreciated role

that friendspast and presentplay in determining our sense of self
and the direction of our lives (p. 6). Whether you realize it or not,
your friends have shaped who you are today. You are even the
product of the friends who are no longer your friends.
2. Friends can give you vital life skills. Friendfluence gives you vital life
skills; the very abilities one generally needs to be successful in life
(p. 6). There are many perks of friendship include sharpening your
mind, making you generally happier, knowing yourself better,
becoming inspired to reach your goals, advancing yourcareer,
helping you meet romantic partners, and living a longer and
healthier life.
3. Childhood friendships start your learning process. Early friendships
play a vital role because they occur while key developmental
changes are taking place. They help teach us some of those
important life skills but also shape our life narrative. Flora
advocates for parents and teachers to give kids unstructured time to
work out their own social relationships rather than to over-program
them into restrictive activities.
4. Teen friendships shape your later romantic bonds. Though parents
spend much of their time worrying about who their teenage kids are
with, these relationships are a training ground for the later long-term
bonds that will evolve through adulthood. Flora advises parents to
recognize that peers will trump them every time, and so instead of
fighting with your kids about spending too much time with their
friends, or who their friends are, you can help your children more by
inviting their friends over to your home.
5. Friends can help you define your priorities. People tend to pick
friends who are similar to them. This fact falls under the general
proximity rule of close relationships, in that like tends to attract like.

Because we fall prey so easily into this similarity trap, it is important

to try to stretch yourself to learn from some of those opposites. Flora
points out the many ways in which Birds, feather, flock. Knowing
this can help you grow by expanding your range of friends and trying
out some new points of view.
6. Having friends can help you get more friends. People tend to like
others who have a reputation for being nice and helpful, and they
like people who like them. If you want to be the type of person who
attracts new friends, these qualities will help get you on your way
toward building your social group. Once you have more friends,
youll be able to enjoy some of those perks of friendship.
7. Close friends support you through thick and thin. To take the most
advantage of friendfluence, put effort into your closest friendships.
Although being friendly can get you more friends, you dont need
hundreds to help you through life. You may have to prune your
friendship tree as you get older to be sure that you give enough
attention to the ones who will really matter for your well-being.
8. Friends can make you miserable too. There is a dark side to
friendship. The people who know you the best are also the ones who
have the most power to betray you, should the relationship sour.
Friends can also get you into trouble. If your friends are doing
something bad or harmful, you tend to be more likely to do so as
well, a fact to which many drinking buddies can certainly attest.
Friends can also cause you stress when they get in the way of other
important goals or relationships. Be ready to say no to friends who
disappoint, betray, or stress you and youll be more likely to get the
full friendfluence effect.
9. Youre less lonely when you have friends. The worst kind of
friendfluence, according to Flora, is a complete lack of
friends. Loneliness is painful, especially when you are living with

loneliness for a prolonged period of time. This is yet another reason

to put time, energy, and attention into finding and cultivating a close
circle of friends.
10. Your online friends can steer your thoughts and behaviors. Although
online friends are qualitatively different than your in-person friends,
they shape you nevertheless. They can also be your source of life
support. Flora shows us how Toni Bernhard, author of How to be
Sick(link is external), and confined to her home, has maintained a
lifeline to the outside world through her closest online friends. Of
course, your online friends can also make you miserable too,
especially if you get caught in the friendship paradox (the fact that
most people on Facebook have fewer friends than the average
number). If you can avoid having Facebook envy dominate your life,
youll have more rewarding connections with your extended
friendship community.
11. Friends matter to you, regardless of gender. Although much is made
of the difference between male friends, female friends, and malefemale friend pairs, all share the qualities of having the potential to
influence your life. If you restrict yourself to one certain type of
friendship, you may be missing out on bonds that transcend gender
boundaries.
12. Couple friendships can help your own relationship. People
experiencing similar life events can often provide the most valuable
support to each other. Unfortunately, some couples withdraw from
their friendships when their relationship turns serious. You can
benefit both from maintaining your separate friendships, but also
from sharing with the couples who are experiencing transitions such
as becoming parents, raising teenagers, and helping older family
members. Friends can also help you alleviate your work-related
stress. Even though you may be stretched to the limit time-wise, the

investment you make in these friendships will be worth the

psychological benefits.
13. Friends can give you a reality check. Who but your closest friends
will tell you that your new outfit is ridiculously garish? What person
you meet on the street will let you know that your latest romantic
interest is going to bring you heartbreak? Because friends know us
so well, they are able to see things that we cant, and arent afraid to
share their dose of reality with you. Of course, as we saw earlier,
friends can also make you miserable. However, the ones who care
about you have a perspective on your behavior that no one else can
completely see. As Flora points out: friends are better at describing
our behavioral traits than we are (p. 132). Incidentally, this is one
reason why personality researchers ask for other reports to
compare to the self-ratings that participants themselves provide.
These other reports can come closer to the mark, especially for
individuals whose personalities ironically make it hard for them to
see themselves in a realistic light.
14. Banding together with friends can help you effect social change. Its
difficult, if not impossible, to fight for a cause, raise money for
charity, or even just make a few small improvements in your
community on your own. Friends are the first step, Flora points out,
to building successful social movements. Facebook provides one way
to enlist the support of thousands of people. At a less grandiose
level, people are more likely to engage in helping
and altruistic behavior at the urging of their close friends.
15. Being a friend helps your friends. Friendfluence works in two
directions. Not only do you benefit from its many perks, but by being
a good friend you are helping those closest to you. Being a friend is
a great honor and responsibility, so treat your friends carefully (p.
235). If you are aware of how youre affecting your friends, youll

work harder to stay close to them which, in turn, will benefit you as
well. Being a good friend also includes asking them for help when
you need it. Giving someone the gift of being influential can be one
of the greatest joys you pass on to your friends.