Heal Your Life

Forever

A break-through holistic approach to helping abused women and other

victims of abuse to appreciate themselves, increase self-love and create
the exciting happy positive life they have always dreamed of!

Claire Galea

Disclaimer

This book is designed to provide information for victims of abused. This

information is provided and sold with the knowledge that the publisher
and author do not offer any legal or other professional advice. In the
case of a need for any such expertise consult with the appropriate professional. This book does not contain all information available on the
subject. This book has not been created to be specific to any individual
or organization situation or needs.
Every effort has been made to make this book as accurate as possible.
However, there may be typographical and/or content errors. Therefore,
this book should serve only as a general guide and not as the ultimate
source of subject information. This book contains information that might
be dated and is intended only to educate and entertain. The author and
publisher shall have no liability or responsibility to any person or entity
regarding any loss or damage incurred or alleged to have incurred, directly or indirectly, by the information contained in this book.
By purchasing this book you hereby agree to be automatically bound by
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All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including
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Copyright 2013 Claire Galea

To all beautiful women

and survivors of abuse
May this book reignite the fire of passion within
your souls, allowing you to shine your own unique
light for the whole World to see.
Much love and blessings to you.

Heal Your Life

Forever
Chapter 1: Introduction
Chapter 2: Types of Abuse

Physical Abuse

Emotional Abuse

Cycle Of Abuse

Chapter 3: Making The Right Choice

Typical Escape Plan

Chapter 4: Changing Your Perspective

Chapter 5: Dealing With Triggers

Understanding Persistent Dreams & Nightmares

Self-Healing Through Meditation

Chapter 6: Making Peace With Your Past

Chapter 7: Pursuing Your Dreams

Learning To Love Again

Setting Up Personal Boundaries

Chapter 8: Through The Eyes Of A Survivor

Chapter 1 ~ Introduction
There come moments in life when we start wondering, Why is this happening? What did I do to deserve this? Why am I always the one to
blame? What is wrong with me? It is at these times when we need help
most in understanding who we are, what we are doing here in this place
called earth, and why we are here in the first place.
The first step in being able to answer these questions and many others
is to find your true self
What does my true self have to do with all this?
Simpleyour true or inner self is who you really are, where there is no
outside judgement, where nothing affects the way you think, and no one
intercepts with what you want to do with your life and what choices you
seek to make.
To find your inner self you need to let go of all influences coming from
other sources. Once you do you will find total harmony and peace
within your life, and you will feel like an eagle, powerful, beautiful,
unique, strong, flying high, soaring across the sky, without any worries,
without any negativity affecting you.

Important Note: Throughout this book you will find case studies which I
use to give a clearer idea on the messages or images I want to convey.
Please note that these case studies are all fictitious and that the names
and situations mentioned are not related in any way to a real family or
individual situation.
Lets start with some examples
Case Study #1:
Mary has been going out with her boyfriend George for the past six months. Since
day one he has shown abusive behaviour towards her. Whenever he doesnt get
what he wants, he turns sour and starts shouting in her face, calling her names,
spitting on her, calling her a dirtbag. She wants to leave George but is afraid to do
so as if he happened to find her, she fears he would make her pay with her life for
having run away from him.

Case Study #2:

Stephanie and Chris were childhood sweethearts. They grew up together in a small
community, and eventually got married and had three beautiful kids. One day Chris
lost his job and he got so depressed that he ended up in a bar to help himself forget
his troubles with the use of alcohol. This eventually became a nightly routine, and in
time he started losing self-control and lashing out onto his wife, abusing her physically. At times she got bashed in front of their kids, crying her eyes out, begging
them to go to their rooms so as not to witness what was happening. Stephanie and
Chris were later on referred to a councellor, but Chris had gone far into this bad
habit that he couldnt find the strength to stop, and his abuse continued to increase.
Stephanie wished she had the courage to leave him once and for all, but she was
afraid hed take the kids away from her like he had vowed to do if she ever left him.

Case Study #3:

Anne met Daniel just before she graduated from highschool. He seemed such a
gentleman! But things started to go wrong right after her exams. He started to control her, manipulating her every move, controlling every aspect of her life, including
what she could wear, who she could talk to, where she could goeverything.
Things escalated to the worse as he eventually started sexually abusing her as
well. She felt suffocated and eventually decided to move out but he found out in
time and didnt let her leave. He threatened that he would kill her precious family if
she ever ran away.

Whats common with all the stories above?

All these women are terrorized, afraid for their own life and their loved
ones safety. Without realizing, they are all staying and living in fear, just
because they are fearing consequences.
Also common is their lack of self esteem, which makes them feel literally paralysed by fear, allowing their abuser to increase his control over
them by surrendering to what he wants, again in the name of fear. They
cant make decisions, even for their own safety, because they have
been manipulated for so long that they are unable to decide for themselves. They do not value themselves as much as they should. They
have lost sight of their own true self.
I could write a thousand other stories similar to the above, one different
from the other. There are more than one type of abuse (which we will
be going through later on in the next chapter) as well as different situations, such as elderly abused by their offspring, kids abused by their
parents or guardians, employees abused by their employer, and many
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more.
In this book I will be focusing mostly on helping abused women find
their voice again and help them take control of their life and their situations by showing them how to find their inner self and start living life
again. However, same tactics which I will be mentioning here work with
all types of abuse. This is because every type of abuse has an abuser
and a victim, and the purpose of this book is precisely to help the victim,
whatever the circumstance, find confidence in self again and thus encourage them to move on to a better, more peaceful, enjoyable life.
If you feel that certain people in your life are manipulating you or abusing you in any way, this book is for you. I strive to empower you to find
your true self and eventually help you let your true self shine for everyone to see. If however you believe you do not need this, think for a second. According to some Domestic Violence statistics that took place
within the past couple of years, every 9 seconds a woman in the US is
assaulted or beaten, whilst in the whole world, one of every three
women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during
her lifetime, and surprisingly enough, the abuser is most often a member of her own family.
So if you feel this book is not for you, think about others within your
reach who are going through hell by enduring abuse in one way or another, and share this book with them. The more you share, the more
youd be helping in the making of a better future and safer world.
You, reading this book, if you feel you are a victim of abuse, I want to
say this to you loud and clear, You do NOT deserve this! Whatever the
issue, no matter how hard your abuser tries to blame it onto you, no
one has the right to hurt another, either physically or emotionally! You
have the same amount of power your abuser hasits all a matter of
finding it inside you, to believe in yourself and make your own world a
better place for you and the ones you love.
All power necessary for this ultimate change is within youread on! Let
me take you to a journey of new beginnings, where you can stop existing and start livingwhere you can start enjoying life and are able to
appreciate the beauty around you. You CAN do this, my dear friend!
You will not be alone, I will be helping you all the way till you find your
real self again and be able to take a leap of faith and shine!

Lets start working on the quest to finding yourself first. Make sure you
follow and apply suggestions that are given here and which you believe
you can apply to your situation, as it will help you grow and evolve into
a self-appreciating new person living a new exciting fabulously positive
life!

Chapter 2 ~ Types of Abuse

One of the things that an abuser most commonly does is to blame what
he/she does onto the victim. In other words, it is common that whilst the
victim may feel misunderstood and hurt as a result of abuse, the abuser
fires back the same thoughts as accusations to the victim for doing the
same to him/her.
Does this sound too familiar? If it does, then its time to evaluate the
whole situation and see where you stand in all this.
There are a lot of different types of abuse, but I believe all can be reduced into two categories which I will explain below.

Physical Abuse
Physical abuse occurs when the abuser takes control over the victim or
harms the victim physically to intimidate him/her. Physical abuse includes slaps, pushes, beating, punching, kicking, hair pulling, sexual
abuse, molestation, incest, neglect, not providing basic needs to dependent victims (such as food, clothing, hygiene, love, care, shelter)
and such.
There is no need of actual visible bruising or injury for any of the above
to be classified as physical abuse. If you have experienced any of the
above, even if without visible injuries, unfortunately you can still say that
you have been physically abused.
Physical abuse most of the times eventually escalates to very bad,
where victims may end up severely injured, possibly needing hospitalization. There are also cases where sadly the victim eventually dies
from sustained injuries resulting from physical abuse.

Case Study #4:

Ruth lives a nightmare. She has three kids, youngest being just 3 years old. Every
night her husband goes to a local bar and gets drunk. He then returns home in the
early hours of the morning and starts fighting over stupid things. Every time he ends
up beating Ruth till she lands on the floor in pain without energy to get up again.
Each and every time, Ruth does her best to keep her husband occupied with beat9

ing her, hoping her kids dont hear her cries and wake up, so as to avoid him possibly beating up her kids instead. Eventually he gets tired and falls into bed and
sleeps till late in the afternoon. Ruth is being physically abused by her husband,
and because she is afraid of leaving him for fear of what he may do, she keeps reliving the same physical abuse every single day.

Emotional Abuse
While some may not agree with me here, I believe that emotional abuse
is even worse than physical abuse. Now dont get me wrong here
every type of abuse is to be taken seriously and can never be justified.
However I do believe this because victims of emotional abuse are usually led to think that what is happening is all their own fault. Emotionally
abused victims tend to believe that they cause the problems arising
within their home environment. What makes this type of abuse even
more difficult for the victim to move out is the fact that emotional abuse
is most commonly underrated.
Emotional abuse is many times a result of verbal abuse, where the
abuser uses words and body language to let down the victim in a manipulative way. Such abuser tends to play around with words, many
times making the victim feel like he/she is losing it.
Case Study #5:
Lara is a stay-at-home mum. She takes care of her two little kids as well as does all
the housework. She knows that her husband is cheating on her, but she keeps it to
herself so as not to cause any more problems within her household. But what hurts
her most is that her husband blames her of cheating, calling her names, humiliating
her even in public, when he knows as much as she does that she spends all her
day at home taking care of their kids and only going out to get groceries.
Lara is fed up of being called names, being accused that she doesnt take care of
the kids properly, or being humiliated all the time. She yearns for respect but she is
afraid to take a stand. Her mum tells her she is worrying over nothing, and keeps
telling her stories of other men who are the REAL abusive types, who beat their
wives daily. Her mum keeps trying to reassure her that what she is going through
is not wrong when compared to physical abuse.
Lara thus listens to her mother and stays with her husband, enduring emotional
abuse day after day, because she has been led to believe that when compared to
others, she is quite lucky, as the emotional abuse she is enduring is relatively nothing compared to physical abuse.

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Cycle of Abuse
Abuse, being Physical, Emotional or both, happens in cycles. Any victim
can identify the Cycle of Abuse within his/her abusive situation as illustrated below:

As you can see the Cycle of Abuse starts with a period of calmness,
where the victim usually feels hopeful that things may get better in time.
In certain cases this phase provides the victim with actual gifts for no
reason at all from the abusers part.
The next phase takes us to a period of time where tension starts rising.
Things may start to get sour, anger may be felt, but at this stage all anger is contained within, creating anxiety within both parties.
Eventually built-up tension gets to a point where a confrontation between the abuser and the victim becomes imminent. This is where
physical and / or emotional abuse takes place.
The last part of this cycle takes us to the calm after the storm. This is
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where there may be excuses from the abusers part, as well as acceptance from the victim. Reconciliation sex may also take place within this
stage, where the abuser uses sex as a means of showing he/she is
sorry for what happened. At this stage the victim usually succumbs to
any requests made by the abuser so as to avoid another confrontation,
usually being too tired or painful following the confrontation period.
The Cycle of Abuse has no set length of time. There are cases where it
is repeated for more than once within the same day. There are however
other cases where it is repeated within days, weeks or even months,
but the pattern is always visible nonetheless.

Where do YOU Stand?

Now that you have read the fictitious cases above and learned about
the Cycle of Abuse, do you see yourself in any of the situations mentioned?
It is now time for you to evaluate yourself here. Let go of any labels
you have been previously accused of; let go of outside judgements.
Take a deep breath, hold it in for a couple of seconds, and then let it
out. Repeat this for five times, and with each inhale imagine that you
are drawing in pure, positive air, while with each exhale imagine that
you are letting go of any judgemental acts or words that anyone may
have imposed on you.
Now that you have cleared your mind, think. Can you see yourself in
any of the above mentioned types of abuse? Be true to yourself. This is
no time to excuse anyone, not even your abuser. This is definitely not
the time to let it go so you can deal with it later. The time has come
the time is NOW! This is the time to find yourself again, to find your
voice again. Be honest with yourself. Are you being emotionally or
physically abused?
If you answered yes to the above, then its time to think deeply about
what your next step should be. Considering the fact that most abusive
cases are within the same family, I am going to concentrate here on
marital abuse, however, all of the things Im going to suggest in this
book can be used for any type of abuse.
Now that you have accepted the fact that you are being abused, either
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physically or emotionally, you are faced with two options here:

Option #1: Leave the abusive situation behind and move on

Option #2: Stay, but make drastic changes to the way you perceive
yourself

Before you take a decision on what your next step should be, do realize
that you have to consider multiple factors here, so dont rush into one of
the options. Moreover, this has to be your choice and no one elses. I
am giving you options here, but you have to be responsible enough to
make the right choice for yourself after evaluating both options and possible consequences.

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Chapter 3 ~ Making The Right Choice

I understand that at the end of the previous chapter I may have scared
you. If I did, please know that I didnt mean to! Truth is you are at crossroads here. You cannot keep enduring abuse, but you still need to make
the right choice with utmost responsibility. Some abusive cases are terrifyingly dangerous, so one can never generalise. Thus, think about
both options and all possible consequences wisely.
Most abusive cases tend to drag on for years, without any official complaints by the victim. This means that if you are a victim of abuse, by
now you probably know your abuser better than anyone else does! You
probably can tell when the next abusive episode is bound to happen.
You probably feel danger in the air before your abuser lashes out at
you. You may also at times think about what answers to give to your
abuser whenever you are asked something, considering all options and
their possible consequences in split seconds. And you may on most occasions curse yourself for not relying on your intuition, having said
something which you previously felt would make your abuser angry.
This happens because subconsciously you have been led to think by
your abuser that you are the one causing trouble, which in return leads
your subconscious mind to warn you beforehand when things are
bound to happen, giving you suggestions to help you avoid confrontation as much as possible. Mind you, you are NEVER to blame for enduring abuse, but it warns you so you can be alert when the time
comes.
You can use that same intuitive feeling to make this very important decision today!
But please waitbefore choosing one of the options listed above, you
need to think about whether there is a possibility to save your marriage.
Have you been to councelling as a couple? Have you even considered
it? Did you ever suggest it to him/her? If yes, what was the response
given? If no, what would he/she say if councelling was suggested?
If you believe you should give it a try, think about suggesting councelling to him. Do not think of sending your spouse to councelling alone. I
believe in many cases such councelling doesnt work, unless he/she
admits having abusive behaviour. If this is not the case however, then
think about suggesting going together as a couple. This shows the
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abuser that you are not expecting all change from him/her, but instead
shows you are willing to learn how to meet half way, with both of you
making an effort to agree more and save your relationship. Such councelling helps to open you both to new ways of coping during hard times
through discussion instead of abusive behaviour. Do ask local councellors before you suggest this option to your abuser, so you can make
sure such service is available in your local area.
If councelling is not a possible option however, or you have already
gone that route before for nothing, then you need to choose between
the options listed above.
Lets discuss both options and possible scenarios. Consider every possible situation that may occur and choose the path which you feel is the
safest of all, the one that will allow you to live your life freely without any
abuse whatsoever.
(Please note that although from now on I will be referring to the abuser
as a him, abuse can also happen by a her as previously explained).

Option #1: Leave the abusive situation behind and move on

This is the best way to let go of all past hurt and start over afresh. However, many things have to be considered before choosing this path.
First of all, like I mentioned already, you probably know your abuser
really well. Think about itimagine yourself leaving him, telling him beforehand, what would he say? What would he do? Would he try to stop
you? Would he beat you to death? Would he harm you in any way?
In addition to this, if you have kids, you need to take into consideration
their well-being as well as your own. Suppose you tell him youre taking
the kids with you, would he be capable of hurting the kids so as not to
let them leave? This scenario may seem quite impossible to some, but
it has happened many times these last couple of decades, so do take
everything into consideration.
Think about previous experiences where you may have found the courage to threaten him, saying that youd leave him, what did he do in such
cases? How does he react when he feels threatened in any way by you
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or anyone else?
If you feel deep down in your heart that he would hurt you or your kids
(if any), then do not take chancesinstead, find another solution.

Typical Escape Plan

The following option is all about seeing you safe and sound before, during, and after executing an escape plan. Instead of telling him beforehand, start planning to leave in a secretive way. Target a particular
week about a month or two ahead and work towards preparing yourself
for the escape. Start putting away some money if possible, so that
when the time comes, you will have something to be able to live with.
You may opt to talk to some councellors in your area, either face to
face, or if you feel you should avoid this, use a phone instead.
In some countries you may find shelters for abused women, so check
beforehand with your councellor. Such shelters can help you and your
kids (if any) by giving you a roof over your head, help you through with
any councelling necessary during the rough times, give you guidance
during the time youre in court for separation or divorce, until you are
ready to stand up on your own again. If you have concerns about what
your abuser will do once you are out in the streets, then a shelter helps
you with that, as you wont be exposed and feeling vulnerable.
Additionally, in certain countries when a spouse is moving out, he/she is
required to file a police report, letting the police know that he/she is
leaving due to domestic abuse. Check with your councellor and see if
this is required in your country. If it is, you will probably have to go to
the police station and file a report prior to leaving your spouse.
During this preparation time it is important that you keep quiet as much
as possible. Try to avoid conflicts, and if any arise during this preparation time, act like you normally would. Do not give yourself upkeep
your plan to yourself at all costs. Keep it secret. Do not share the plan
with anyone else except your councellor, or anyone you trust 100%. It is
better to be safe than sorry.
Remember to wipe away any evidence which may give away your
plans. Do not write stuff in places where they may be seen. Delete any
phone calls to councellors as soon as you are done with the call. Keep
in mind that anything you make available to your abuser may jeopardize
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your plan to search for a brighter future. This is not about lying, its
about making sure you stay safe.
Prepare yourself emotionallylife may be hard for the first few weeks,
but think positively. This is your chance to stop existing and start living
again! This is your plan towards a new life where you can breathe,
where you can feel safe and loved again. This is your journey to a new
beginning, and you are going to walk proud and stand tall. This is when
your journey towards self-respect starts!
Once the chosen week comes, fix a date, make any necessary arrangements and plans, and when you know for sure that its the right time to
move out, take your saved money, your kids (if any), anything you cant
really do without, and close the door behind you. Make sure you are
safe when executing this plan. Do not take any risks. And once you are
out, do not make any phonecalls to him to let him know you are out, so
you will buy time to arrive safely to your new destination. If you think
you may be tracked through your mobile phone GPS, make sure you
switch it off so your destination remains uncompromised.
Once you arrive safely, breathe and smell the fresh scent of freedom.
This is your new beginning. Think positively, act positively. No one can
harm you now. You are safe.
Next thing to do then is to contact your councellor for help to get things
rolling with separation or divorce, whichever option you are going for.
The quicker you start, the quicker all will settle down. Remember that if
you have kids, there will be the need for custody arrangements, but you
will be guided by a councellor, or if you already have a lawyer, talk to
your lawyer and he/she will set things rolling.
The beginning of this journey may be hard. Depressive thoughts may
creep into your mind, making you feel like you possibly made a mistake
running away. When this happens, take deep breaths and exhale
slowlycalm yourself and thinkyou deserve to live your life without
any fear. You deserve the very best, and now you are writing your own
future in a much brighter way! Look at the horizonsee the beautiful
bright sun rising across the horizon in the morning, showing its beautiful
light to the world, symbolizing a new day, a new life, a new path! Be that
sunbe an inspiration! You can do this!
(If you chose Option 1, hold on, as more guidance is coming up in the
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next chapter, but lets evaluate the second option beforehand)

Option #2: Stay, but make drastic changes to the way you perceive
yourself
Firstly, you should choose this option ONLY if you believe that you can
work together towards understanding each other better as a couple.
The effort should be made as a couple and not from one part only. If
youre considering this option, chances are you believe that by making
drastic changes you can save your marriage. Before making this choice
however, you need to perceive things in a different light from now on.
What does this mean?
As we mentioned in the beginning of this chapter, your abuser probably
has a way with making it look like you are the one causing marital problems. Deep down you may have been expecting your spouse to change
his/her way of life, the way he/she looks at you, the way he/she treats
you
You may not like what Im going to tell you now, but it is all true, and if
you understand the concept and apply changes within the same line of
reasoning, you will start seeing changes instantlyso stay with me
here until I explain it all

It is neither your abusers fault, nor your faultits a collective

process that has led you to be abused within your relationship!

Before you get angry about what you just read, think for a moment
I am definitely NOT blaming you for causing the abuse. NO ONE deserves to be treated badly, and nothing can justify abuse!
However
Go back in time when you started going out with the person who has
turned into an abuser. At that time Im sure he was the best person you
could ever wish for, perfect in every way, trustworthy.
Somewhere within that line of thinking, you let down your boundaries,
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twisted your beliefs to match his, closed an eye to certain suggestions

coming from him which you possibly would have never dreamed of doing. Why? Because you were in love. You did it all in the name of love.
There is nothing wrong with being in love, or with having done your best
to meet half way back then. But it led this person to believe that you
are willing to sacrifice yourself to accommodate him, which eventually
led you to be viewed as submissive. So in other words you have unintentionally empowered the one you were madly in love with, who in time
got to expect everything to go in the way he wanted, leading him to take
full control over your actions.
One however has to mention here that apart from this reasoning, it also
depends on your abusers upbringing and any experiences before
meeting yousuch factors would have shaped this persons way of
thinking, leading him to take full control over you, when all you really
wanted to do at the time was meet half way.
Putting both these reflections together shows that this is neither your
fault nor your abusers fault, but a collective process.
So what can be done to reverse this?

Once againMeet Him Half-Way!

I will be explaining exactly what I mean by this, but first it is important to

understand that there has to be a collective effort from both parties. If
you really want this to work out between you two, you need to first work
on yourself and let go of previous mind-programming, and then look
deep within.
Do not expect him to changethe major change needed here starts
from within YOU! When you first started getting to know each other in
the past, you did your best to meet half way in the name of love, which
eventually led you to fall victim to abuse. Today, in the name of love,
you have to meet again half way, but this time the major change starts
with your own way of perceiving yourself, your spouse, your life and
everything around you. And the very first step towards this is through
empowering yourself through self-respect.

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Chapter 4 ~ Changing Your Perspective

Whether you chose Option 1 or Option 2 in the previous chapter, you
will be needing to change your perspective from now on. You have
been brainwashed long enough by your abuser, which has weakened
your self-esteem and self-respect.
If you chose to leave, you may probably be feeling lost now, possibly
dreading having left. It is a natural process, so if this sounds familiar, do
realize that such feelings arise because your abuser has been controlling you long enough, making you feel that you can do nothing without
him. Thus you need to learn how to strengthen your self-respect and
self-esteem, and build a new life free of outside judgements.
If you chose to stay, you are probably feeling confused, finding it hard to
make a decision. You may be saying I want to take a stand but I am
afraidmaybe Ill find the courage to stand up for my rights tomorrow
WRONG! The time has come, my dear friend! You cannot keep putting
this off! Today is the day! Today you are going to stand tall, today you
are indestructible. Today is a new day. You are going to start building
the boundaries that have crumbled down with time
Let us first start working on how you perceive yourself at this time. I
highly suggest you start keeping a journal from now on. Even if it has to
be an online journal, any journal is better than no journal. Your new
journal is going to walk with you throughout this phase in your life where
you are going to find your inner self, discover who you really are, and
build a whole new positive life from this point on.

I Am a Victim
I am a victim is a phrase you may have been saying to yourself over
and over within the recent past and possibly even now when embarking
on this new journey to self-discovery. It is however important to change
such perspective as soon as possible.
There is what we call The Law of Attraction, which states that we write
our destiny as we go along with our lives through the way we perceive
the world today. This means that if we perceive our current situation
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from the eyes of a victim, we are firing bullets of self-pity, sadness and
depressive thoughts to the Universe, which in return takes our current
way of thinking as our way to cope, thus providing us with more situations in the upcoming future to enhance that feeling.
To ensure that you dont fall into a pit of negativity through self-pity, you
need to start changing your perspective from a negative one to a more
positive one.
You have probably heard this before. What would you call a glass of
water filled up to the exact middle? You may say it is half full, or you
may say it is half empty. Both are correct. However, saying its half full
means you are taking a positive approach to it. You are ignoring the fact
that it is half empty and focusing on what it contains rather than what it
doesnt.
Another example would be rain pouring down from the skysome may
see it as too much rain, but others may be grateful, seeing it as a free
means to watering crops, allowing crops to grow and thus providing a
healthy harvest for farmers, better means of living through more commerce.
This is the same way of thinking that you need to work on from now on.
Do not see yourself as a victim any moreinstead, look yourself in a
mirror and say, Im a survivor! Look forward to a happier life, being
free, being safebe grateful for all you have now. Gratitude is the key
to abundance in all aspects of life, such as abundance in love, happiness, finances and much more.
Same reasoning applies to life in general. What seems to be a difficult
time today, may prove to be a good lesson for later on. Do not focus of
the negative aspects of life, but be grateful for the beauty around you,
be grateful for each thing that you may be currently taking forgranted,
every breathe that you take, every smile that you get, every loving gesture from people or animals around you. Find the beauty in everything
and make your life a happy experience no matter what.
Once you start seeing life in this way, you will start looking forward to
every new day. Who knows what the tide may bring in tomorrow?
Whenever you feel a wave of uncertainty on your way, do not fall under,
but surf the wave through positive thinking. Accept any negative situations in your life as challenges that are there to make you stronger, and
appreciate all positive situations while looking forward to a brighter, bet21

ter, more positive future ahead.

Exercise #1:

Find a time when you are quiet, take your journal and a pen or pencil with you and
stand in front of a mirror. For the moment, leave your journal on a nearby table.
Look into your eyes and go with the flow. What do you feel like doing? What do you
want to tell yourself? What do you feel for yourself?
Understand what youre feeling when looking into your own eyes. If you feel like
crying, cry. If you feel angry, let it out. If you feel sorry for yourself, acknowledge the
feeling. Whatever you feel, accept it. It is totally normal to feel a wide range of emotions running through you at this time. Your task is to acknowledge the feeling and
accept it. Do not deny it. Be true to yourself.
After you let out your feelings, write them down on your journal. Write down what
emotions you experienced, tears, angeranything.
Repeat this every day till you start feeling totally happy and appreciative of yourself.
Treat your journal as your new best friend and be honest with everything you write
into it. One day you will read past entries and understand how strong your past has
made you.

Exercise #2:

After doing Exercise #1, stand in front of your mirror, look yourself in the eyes and
tell yourself:

I am beautiful
I am worth-it
I am amazing
I am happy
I love myself
I am perfect just the way I am
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I deserve all the very best in all aspects of my life

and so it is

Write these affirmations on a sticky note and stick it to the side of your mirror so you
remember to do this at least once daily, or as many times you want if you want to
build your self-esteem and self-respect in the fastest way possible.

I understand that you may squirm at the second exercise above, or possibly feel disgusted, or unable to say any without crying hysterically.
Again this is normal, but you must face this NOW. Today is the day
when you start to find self-confidence again. Saying these affirmations
for the first time will be a breakthrough, and will help you find a new self
-confident you!
So if you havent managed to say the above whilst looking yourself in
the eyes, do it now. Do not underestimate the power of affirmations.
You will be amazed by how many changes doing this will start to bring
within you!
Do not be afraid of any emotions that these affirmations will bring onto
you. Anything is considered normal, and is the result of the self-healing
process youll be following on these next couple of weeks.

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Chapter 5 ~ Dealing With Triggers

Now that you have been working on changing your own perspective
into a much more positive one, and on looking at yourself with selfrespect and self-love, the worst has passed. The more you work on
such an approach to life, the more you will feel enlightened.
There are however what we call triggers, which you should be aware
of, so in case they happen to you, you will know how to react and deal
with them. Triggers are situations and things that can trigger visions
from your past experiences in a way that makes you feel like you are
physically re-living your past. Such triggers can happen during the day
and also in your dreams.
There are various types of triggers that may happen, all of which would
be related to experiences you have had during past abuse, as shown
below:

1. Sight Triggers: Seeing others being abused, seeing items that

were used on you throughout the abuse period, seeing someone
with the same features of your past abuser, seeing areas or settings similar to the area you were abused at;
2. Sound Triggers: Hearing crying or screaming, raised voices, arguments, sounds that remind you of your past abuser such as
foot thumping, beer can opening, slamming doors;
3. Taste Triggers: Tasting foods that remind you of your past
abuser;
4. Smell Triggers: Smelling items reminding you of your past
abuser such as cigarettes, alcohol, certain perfumes etc;
5. Touch Triggers: Someone touching you in the same way as your
past abuser, being hugged and kissed if your past abuser used
these to initiate sexual abuse;

If you experience such triggers, you are bound to have very detailed
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flashbacks of past abuse and literally feel in the same way you used to
do at the time. Such feelings include increased breathing due to lack of
oxygen in the brain, panic attacks, feeling faint, nauseous, stomach
pain, vomiting, diarrhea and other similar symptoms. If this happens,
just know that it is normal and part of your self-healing process.
If you ever feel overwhelmed by such triggers, you can do any of the
following to get through safely and as quickly as possible:

Understanding: Accept the fact that this is not really happening to

you again, and that you are only experiencing flashbacks as a result of triggers, and that now you are completely safe and that it is
all part of a natural healing process that you are going through.
Realise that you have already come a long way and that you are
working on getting better with each day that goes by.
Breathing: If you experience lack of breathing or panic attacks,
you can slow down your breathing to normal by breathing in for 5
seconds and breathing out for longer. Keep re-doing this until your
breathing is stabilized and back to normal.
Safety: Flashbacks following triggers may make you feel vulnerable. Do something to feel safe again. This may be sitting down
and hugging yourself, going into a room which you feel safe in
do anything that makes you feel safe again.
Patience: Do not be hard on yourself. Accept that what you felt
and how your body reacted to the triggers is all normal. So if you
cried or felt like you were going nuts, do not beat yourself for it.
Be patient, for you are undergoing changes, and it takes time to
learn how to accept the past as it happened without any grudges.
The most important thing is that you DO NOT GIVE UP! You are
doing great and you deserve the very best!

Sometimes we may expect that since we have decided to move on or to

stand up for our rights, we are by right immune to the past WRONG! It
takes time to let go of the past and move on freely without experiencing
past memories of abuse, but with time it gets easier. So never be hard
on yourself for remembering or bursting into tears due to having experi25

enced a cruel past.

Understanding Persistent Dreams & Nightmares

Apart from experiencing triggers, you may also start having possibly
persistent dreams and sometimes even nightmares, where you find
yourself suffering from abuse, or seeing men specifically running after
you to hurt you, rape you or abuse you in any way. If this is happening
to you right now, rest assured that this is part of the healing process
and is totally normal. Although you have been working on self-healing
from past abuse, your subconscious mind still holds past hurtful memories, which may be materialising as nightmares.
Having such dreams is a clear indication that the hurt is still there within
you. Again, this is totally normal, but also means that you have to keep
working on self-healing day after day, so that you can eventually find it
within you to make peace with your past and accept it as an experience
that has walked you to a newer stronger you.

Case Study #6:

Mandy clearly recalls the nightmares she had for months after having left an abusive relationship. Although she had been successfully working on self-love and selfhealing, she had recurring nightmares, night after night.
In her dreams she was always running away from men who first try to be friendly
with her, but then they aim to take over and rape her. Night after night she kept
waking up terrified, breathless, her face full of sweat, her eyes full of tears.
Through these dreams Mandy realized that subconsciously she was still weary of
men due to the past abuse she had suffered. She realised she needed to work
more on her boundaries as well as trust issues. She continued working on selfhealing until these recurrent dreams faded away.
Today she lives her life feeling completely free and happy. Her boundaries are set.
She doesnt live in fear any more.

Self-Healing Through Meditation

Today you may look back at your past and cry, or look at yourself as a
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victim with utmost pity. In time you will learn to look back at your past
and say, Hey! I am much stronger than I thought I could be! Look at
what I have been through! And still I managed to let go, I found a way to
survive! Look at me todayI am no longer a victim, Im a survivor!
Yes, you WILL eventually say that to yourself!
Cruel as it may have been, your past will shape you up for a better future where you become much stronger than you ever thought you could
be! You are unique, special, amazing! Believe in yourselfbelieve in
who you are! BE yourself! Never forget, you CAN do this!
One of the easiest ways to reach this state of mind where you accept
what has been without any grudges is through meditating daily. Meditation can be done by everyone and its benefits are endless, some of
which are:

Releases fears
Reduces anxiety
Eases depression
Reduces insomnia
Builds self-trust
Relaxes the nervous system
Reduces intensity and frequency of migraines and headaches
Lowers high blood pressure
Promotes healthy cardiovascular functioning
Relieves muscle tension
Promotes a healthy digestive system
Helps absorption of nutrients and minerals in the body
Generates optimism, motivation, hope, positivity and self-esteem

These are just a few of the benefits of daily meditation. Below you will
find a couple of meditation techniques that can help you throughout
your new journey by allowing you to become at peace with your past,
thus helping you move forward and diminish any kind of triggers and
nightmares you may have been experiencing.

Exercise #3: Meditation Technique 1 Grounding Yourself

Sit down in a comfortable position, close your eyes, clear your thoughts and just become aware of your breathing. Imagine that as you breathe in you inhale positive
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healing white light, and as you breathe out you exhale negativity, tension, anxiety.
Breathe in, breathe out. Repeat for 5 times.
Now imagine that as you are sitting completely relaxed, you start to grow roots from
your root chakra, which is located just beneath your spine. Your roots are wide as
your hips, and they start to extend way below, deep within the ground below you.
Imagine your roots extending down to the Earths core.
Become aware of any remaining negativity, tension, anxiety within you, and as you
do, know that you do not need it any more. Imagine your tension, anxiety and negativity flowing from you down through your roots to Mother Earths core to be
cleansed.
Next imagine yourself pulling up golden clean positive healing energy from Mother
Earths core, up into your roots, filling you up from your hips down to your thighs,
your legs, your toes, up into your tummy, your chest, your neck, your head. Imagine
and feel this new positive healing energy washing into your bloodstream, your nervous system, your heart, arteries, your lungs.
Feel this positive healing energy bathing through you, so bright that it extends outwards from within you, forming a golden protective bubble around you. You are safe
within this bubble of golden healing energy. Nothing can harm you, you are fully
protected, full of this golden healing energy. Feel within you appreciation and gratitude to Mother Earth for helping you restore yourself through her blessed healing
energy.
Become aware of your roots again. Now it is time to pull your roots back up into
your root chakra. After doing so, become aware of your surroundings, smell the air
around you, open your eyes and look around. You are now grounded, fully protected and bathed with positivity and healing energy.
You can do this meditation every day.

Exercise #4: Meditation Technique 2 Shower Meditation

This is by far one of the easiest meditations you can do, especially if you are one
busy person
Get into your shower and let the water flow all over you. As you do so, close your
eyes and imagine black smudges all over your body, representing all negativity that
you may have picked up until today. You can also imagine words imprinted on your
body representing particular aspects or influences left on you by another person.
Now become aware of the water pouring down onto your body. Visualise it washing
away all black smudges and words. See it all washing down from your body, going
down the drain.
Now wash yourself as usual, and if in your mind you can still see traces of black
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smudges or words over your body, use soap to rub away any remaining traces.
Again, see these traces flowing down from your body and down the drain.
Congratulations. You have not only taken care of your daily hygiene, you have also
let go of any emotional issues that may have been influencing you uptil today.
Doing this meditation every single day ensures you get rid of any negative issues or
outside negative influences. You can make it a habit to do this meditation every
time you shower. In time you will literally feel all burdens and stress washing off you
and going down the drain every time you take a shower.

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Chapter 6 ~ Making Peace With Your Past

Through this chapter I want you now to dig deeper into your subconscious mind so you can see where you stand right now.
If you have only recently been through abuse, and especially if you are
still experiencing triggers and/or nightmares, this part is definitely not for
you right now, so skip over to the next chapter, but I invite you to check
it out later on once you have worked on self-healing for quite some
time.
Now, if you are ready, start by sitting down comfortably. Breathe in,
breathe out. Feel any tension and anxiety flow out of you as you exhale.
Breathe in again, and exhale. Shake off any existing emotions.
Once you feel that you have cleared your mind from all thoughts, I want
you to close your eyes and go back into that phase in time when you
were suffering from abuse. Think. See. Feel.
When youre done, open your eyes, and this time focus on the emotions
you were feeling when thinking of those experiences. Were you feeling
at peace? Did you feel like you were just watching a movie with no particular emotion? Or maybe you felt angry? Sad? About to cry?
Firstly, there is no wrong or right. Do acknowledge how you felt and do
not be hard on yourself for what you have felt emotion-wise.
These emotions give you an exact clue on where you stand right now. If
you experienced sadness, grief, anger, hurt or any other negative emotion, it means that you are not yet completely healed psychologically.
You still need to work more on self-healing and self-love.
You may say, But how can I possibly look back at that hurtful experience and feel at peace with it?
Firstly, yes you can, and secondly, it will only happen when you accept
fully all that has been as an important part of your life that has helped
shape you into a better human being.
Let me give you an example

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A child and a jigsaw puzzle. Lots of pieces that together create a beautiful picture. Something that when a child finishes it, he/she proudly presents it as a masterpiece symbolizing success. But what happens if this
child loses a piece of this jigsaw puzzle? Without a doubt, this jigsaw
puzzle will be either thrown away or left in a corner to be long lost forgotten.
The child above represents you. The completed jigsaw puzzle represents your life now. Every jigsaw puzzle piece represents past experiences from your life.
No matter what you have been through, your life is beautiful and complete just the way it is. Without all the pieces, the end result cannot be
obtained successfully. In other words, your past experiences, good or
bad, have helped shape you up into a beautiful compassionate soul.
You wouldnt be where you are today if it werent for what you have
gone through in your past. You wouldnt know your strength and worth.
You wouldnt have the potential to realize how much difference you can
make in your life and in others lives by just being yourself, because
without a doubt, what you have been through may serve as an eyeopener to others.
Forgiveness
No, forgiveness is not about Religion. Forgiveness is about letting go of
past hurt. Forgiveness is about refusing to allow any past negative issues influence your life today. Stop the drama. Blaming and pointing fingers doesnt take you anywhere apart from keeping you stuck in drama.
Instead of focusing on who did wrong, entangling yourself in the whys
and whats and hows, find it in yourself to become at peace with all that
has been.
Unlike the jigsaw puzzle mentioned above, our lives are much more
complex. We cannot know the full picturethe full big picture can only
be finished completely when we die. So we have two choiceswe can
either pass our lives worried on all that has been, or we can focus on
having faith in the final picture being one to remember, one to be cherished by those we leave behind us.
Becoming at peace with the past is all about being able to look back at
those moments and realize how great you were, having survived all that
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nonsense, having had the courage to move out of such stressful situation, having had the strength to stand back on your feet no matter how
hard the fall was, and walk with dignity written all over you.
It is at that point of acceptance that you realize you are much stronger
than you ever thought you were. Being at peace with your past is knowing that without those experiences you would never have found out your
true worth.
Train yourself so that you accept all that you have been through, appreciate all steps you took to let go of that situation, and look with gratitude
at who you have become.
Your life is as it should be. Perfect harmony.

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Chapter 7 ~ Pursuing Your Dreams

You are now free. Free from restrictions. Free from any limitations. Free
to make your own choices.
Now is the time to think about the things you always wanted to do,
which you possibly were stopped from doing earlier on in your life.
Think about itmaybe a new career, a new car, new clothes, new place
to live in.
Okay you may possibly be a bit limited financially, but if so, do not look
at your current life as a struggle, think about it as a blessing. You are
doing it all alone and no matter how hard it may seem today, you ARE
going to make your life amazing!
The power of positive thinking.
You can use the same positive thinking concept that I explained earlier
on in this book in the Changing Your Perspective chapter. There we
mentioned the Law of Attraction and how one can change his/her life
through thinking in a positive way no matter what.
Same goes with all other aspects of your life. No matter what comes
along, no matter what hurdles you may meet during this journey of survival, know and believe with all your heart that things are becoming better and better with each day that passes.
Whatever things you wish for, visualise them as having already happened to you. Do not focus your thinking on worry and anxiousness. Instead, focus on feeling grateful for every tiny blessing that you encounter in your life. Gratitude opens the door to countless blessings and
miracles in your life.
Always remember that nothing is ever impossible! Have faith, live grateful, and start seeing magic happening in your life on a daily basis!

Learning To Love Again

Loving someone else againThis may seem to be one impossible
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thing, especially if your past abuse was from your spouse, partner or
someone you trusted completely before it happened. Yet it is not impossible!
Opening yourself to love again starts with YOU. Are you worth it? Do
you deserve love? Do you deserve to be loved? Do you deserve to be
happy? Of course you do!
Realising that you are worthy of love and happiness is the first step you
have to work on. Unless you realise your worth, you cannot fully love
again and allow yourself to be loved again. Remember the Law of Attraction? If you are still unsure whether you are worthy of love, the Universe will provide you with love interests that wont be able to help you
feel loved and worthy of it. On the other hand, if you truly know your
worth and you know and believe with all your heart that you are worthy
of love and that you truly deserve love, then the Universe will provide
you with someone who will love you and cherish you and show you
your worth. What you send out comes back to you, so make sure that
before seeking love again you know what you want and what you are
worthy of.
Once your new love enters your life, make sure you have set personal
boundaries (which I am going to explain further down). If sexual abuse
was one of the things you experienced in your past, you may find it hard
to engage into sexual activity with your new partner at first, even if your
new partner is compassionate, loving and respectful of you. Do not be
afraid to voice your worries. Most importantly, do not allow yourself to
feel pressured into any sexual activity before you feel ready for it. Selfrespect, self-love, self-worth. Go with what you truly feel. If your new
partner truly wants what is best for you, he/she will understand and will
help you through.
On a similar but slightly different note, survivors of sexual abuse may
have problems dealing with their own children. Washing and dressing
their own children, or changing nappies of younger ones may bring up
various feelings. They may feel guilty, even if they are not doing anything wrong.
If you encounter these same problems, do look back onto Chapter 5
where we talked about triggers. Again, such feelings are totally normal,
and though they feel very confusing and sometimes hard to bear, they
are part of the self-healing process. When such feelings arise, do not
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beat yourself for having had them. Accept them as a normal phase
which you have to go through in order to become at peace with your
past.

Setting Up Personal Boundaries

One of the most common reasons for abuse to happen is the lack of
ability to say no when necessary. In order to avoid similar situations to
happen again, it is important to set up personal boundaries with which
you adhere to no matter what or who.
An easy way to set up personal boundaries is through daily affirmations
aimed at helping you build confidence and strength to stand up for what
you believe in.

Exercise #5:

Stand in front of your mirror, look yourself in the eyes and say the following affirmations with determination:

I am in touch with my needs

I always stand up for myself
I am confident in my ability to say no
I set firm boundaries with others
I am in control of my life
I am able to take control of any situation
I set standards for myself and stick to them
I assert my beliefs and opinions with confidence
I have the right to say no
I am confident and strong
35

Others respect my ability to stand up for myself

People see me as someone strong and assertive
I can be firm with anyone if it is needed
Setting boundaries is a normal part of my everyday life

You can write the affirmations above onto a sticky notepad and stick it
by your mirror so you remember to do this every day to fully set your
boundaries and avoid abusive behavior by others in the future.

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Chapter 8 ~ Through The Eyes Of A Survivor

Its a beautiful day. There she is, sitting by an old big tree. Birds are
chirping in the branches above her. Golden rays seeping through the
green leaves and onto her long flowing white dress. A soft breeze
sweeping through her long black hair, uncovering an old scar on her
otherwise flawless face. She sits there, completely lost in thoughts.
It feels like yesterday, the day she had met him. He had promised to be
the one and only love of her life back then
Her thoughts shift to that very first night. She recalls the pain, physically
hard to endure, emotionally hard to understand. Loud bangs, shouting,
name-calling, swearing, jealousy, greedy sex. One night turned into
endless days and nights of crying, pain, anger
His eyes. The way he used to look at her used to make her feel naked,
undignified, inhuman. An object of sexual pleasure. Love was underrated.
As she lays there deeply lost in thoughts, a butterfly lands on her hand,
drawing her back from the past into the present. Without moving she
watches this beautiful orange butterfly, fluttering its wings, full of vitality.
She cannot help but wonder. First a caterpillar, then a cocoon, then a
butterfly. Nothing in a caterpillar suggests the beauty of a butterfly. A
miracle.
Her heart flutters with amazement. She recognises herself in this beautiful butterfly.
She recalls herself as a caterpillar. Growing up, not much appreciating
the beauty of life, falling for the wrong guy, giving in to untrue promises.
She recalls herself as a cocoon. Held in captivity. Wanting to fly but
couldnt. Wanting to reach higher but her cocoon kept her stuck in the
same place.
She now sees herself as this butterfly. Free. Able to rely on herself. Able
to trust who she believes is true and genuine. Able to fly away and refuse anything that she feels is not right for her.
She raises her hand up and the butterfly takes off. She watches it flying
37

up high, dancing to the rhythm of life, enlightening the way.

She gets up and starts walking slowly through the heavenly smelling
green grass, watching the breeze washing over the beautiful yellow
flowers, helping them emit wonderful flowery fragrances.
She finds herself near a river, water flowing slowly and steadily. She
leans down onto the grass and looks at her reflection in the water. She
looks directly into her own eyes and recognises a survivor. A strong
woman irrespective of her small body frame. She sees the Goddess
within her. She has found herself.
She reaches into the rivers water, cups her hands and pulls up river
water onto her face and her hair. She feels refreshed. Reborn. Alive.
One with nature. She pulls back her hair and uncovers the old scar. No
need to hide it. It is part of who she is. It shows her strength and determination. It shows that she has come a long way.
She has no regrets. Her past has transformed her into the beautiful
woman she is today. Her heart is pure. She has no hate. No anger. No
sadness. All is as it should be. She is true to whom she has become.
She is free. She is alive.
She seeks to help others going through what she has been through herself. She seeks to give them hope, her testimony being her own life.
She seeks to empower other women who have lost touch of who they
truly are. She seeks to empower every woman in need to find the Goddess within her. She knows that she can also help any other victim of
abuse find his/her own worth, because no matter who the victim is, he/
she just needs to find his/her own worth and believe.
We are all a wonderful creation. We are all unique. We are all meant to
shine.
Find the courage within you to overcome any obstacles you may be facing right now. Do not be afraid to shine just to avoid others feeling insecure because of you. Do your thing. Be who you truly are. Find yourself
and shine for the world to see. Be a guiding light to those who are in
need of a ray of hope. Be that lightBe yourself.
We have now reached the end of this book. I hope you have found it
helpful. Do practice the exercises mentioned in this book on a daily ba38

sis. The more you do them, the faster you heal from your past experiences.
No matter where you stand right now, know that you can do this. It depends on no one else but you! You have the key to your own life. You
are the sole author of your story. It is up to you to make your story a
safe, enjoyable, happy and positive one!
Always remember to love yourself. Respect yourself for what has been,
and stand strong for what you truly believe in.
Be yourself. Find your worth. Live life to the full
Heal Your LifeForever!

Much Love & Light to you,

Claire Galea
http://HealYourLifeForever.com

https://www.facebook.com/HealYourLifeForever

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