Desire For Relationship and For Lack of Relationship

26/8/2558
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Desire for Relationship and for Lack of Relationship

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Re: Desire for Relationship and for Lack of Relationship (#p330799)

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UnreadpostbyunspokenMonMar09,20152:57pm
Hi Wri,
For me, I actually am in a relationship now. However a relationship does not stop you from
your practice (in my opinion) but rather when the time is right and with enough practice I
believe that one day my partner may feel the same and walk the path with me.
Not giving any opinion or advice because I am bad with it, but just sharing the POV
perspective.
Unspoken
Top

UnreadpostbyWriMonMar09,201510:46pm
unspoken wrote:
Hi Wri,
For me, I actually am in a relationship now. However a relationship does not
stop you from your practice (in my opinion) but rather when the time is right
and with enough practice I believe that one day my partner may feel the same
and walk the path with me.
http://dhammawheel.com/viewtopic.php?f=22&t=22235&start=40
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Not giving any opinion or advice because I am bad with it, but just sharing the
POV perspective.
Unspoken
Thank you for offering your perspective

Top

UnreadpostbyAtman1WedApr15,201510:11pm
If you have even a thought of becoming a monk or nun I would suggest doing it. My husband
recently told me that he is divorcing me so that he can become a monk. Some other people at
the monastery offered support by reminding me that "letting go of attachments is difficult". It
is really hurtful and painful. If you are confused in general it is best not to bring other people
into that mix unless you know that you can actually commit and that you are completely in
love with the other person. Otherwise you will just end up hurting another human one with
real hopes, dreams and emotions and that is not the right way to live.
Top

UnreadpostbydaverupaWedApr15,201510:27pm
Atman1 wrote:
If you have even a thought of becoming a monk or nun I would suggest doing it.
My husband recently told me that he is divorcing me so that he can become a
monk. Some other people at the monastery offered support by reminding me
that "letting go of attachments is difficult". It is really hurtful and painful. If
you are confused in general it is best not to bring other people into that mix
unless you know that you can actually commit and that you are completely in
love with the other person. Otherwise you will just end up hurting another
human one with real hopes, dreams and emotions and that is not the right
way to live.
It's complex to negotiate these things when so many people can be affected; it's a useful
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reminder that relationships in general require ongoing, clear communication to be the least
harmful.
Top

UnreadpostbyWriThuApr16,201512:51am
daverupa wrote:
Atman1 wrote:
If you have even a thought of becoming a monk or nun I would suggest
doing it. My husband recently told me that he is divorcing me so that he
can become a monk. Some other people at the monastery offered
support by reminding me that "letting go of attachments is difficult". It is
really hurtful and painful. If you are confused in general it is best not to
bring other people into that mix unless you know that you can actually
commit and that you are completely in love with the other person.
Otherwise you will just end up hurting another human one with real
hopes, dreams and emotions and that is not the right way to live.
It's complex to negotiate these things when so many people can be affected; it's
a useful reminder that relationships in general require ongoing, clear
communication to be the least harmful.
Thank you both for your thoughtful replies

I don't believe I have enough devotion to 8 precepts just yet or enough experience in lengthy
retreats to consider actually ordaining. I also need to build up a financial fallback system
before ordaining as is advised. If I enter into a relationship, I will not ordain.
Top

UnreadpostbypaulSatApr18,20155:14pm
Atman1 wrote:
Some other people at the monastery offered support by reminding me that
"letting go of attachments is difficult".
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Having gone through a divorce myself, I realize that what you are experiencing is difficult,
but if you can bring yourself to begin to accept that the suffering is caused by clinging to the
impermanent, then you will not only advance rapidly in your Buddhist practice, but the
suffering will become manageable through understanding it. You are now at the heart of
impermanence/suffering/nonself and we are all immersed in this as daily existence, but it
only becomes apparent in such a way a few times in a lifetime, where we can clearly see the
suffering involved in clinging, although this is happening to a lesser degree all the time. If you
learn to mentally orient yourself to this experience correctly, then your mind will be trained
to have the correct approach to large and small problems for the rest of your life.
Top

UnreadpostbyAtman1ThuApr23,20155:02am
paul wrote:
Atman1 wrote:
Some other people at the monastery offered support by reminding me
that "letting go of attachments is difficult".
Having gone through a divorce myself, I realize that what you are experiencing
is difficult, but if you can bring yourself to begin to accept that the suffering is
caused by clinging to the impermanent, then you will not only advance rapidly
in your Buddhist practice, but the suffering will become manageable through
understanding it. You are now at the heart of impermanence/suffering/nonself
and we are all immersed in this as daily existence, but it only becomes
apparent in such a way a few times in a lifetime, where we can clearly see the
suffering involved in clinging, although this is happening to a lesser degree all
the time. If you learn to mentally orient yourself to this experience correctly,
then your mind will be trained to have the correct approach to large and small
problems for the rest of your life.
I can agree with this this to some extent but it takes away responsibility from the person who
is walking away and not working on their relationship, job, etc. One can just say " your
problem", "you shouldn't cling", etc as a way of making themselves better about their choice
to walk out on life. It becomes the other person's problem. But then again, if he can't keep his
vows in marriage, he may not be able to keep them as a monk. I would be interested to have
a better understanding of the Buddhist concept of trust because if a Buddhist can at any time
turn around and say "well, you can't get attached to the promises I've made and if you are
unhappy or hurt, it is your own fault for clinging." How does this life view leave any space for
trust or building strong families and communities?
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Top

UnreadpostbypaulThuApr23,20156:34am
Atman1 wrote:
How does this life view leave any space for trust or building strong families and
communities?
The Theravada view is of a duality between conventional (vohara) and ultimate (paramattha)
realities; communities are part of conventional reality and while that is a truth at its own
level, the disciple who wants to progress must ground themselves in ultimate reality.
Top
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26/8/2558

Re: Desire for Relationship and for Lack of Relationship (#p330799)

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