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One issue that can be controversial, and which has attracted a great deal of
attention, is that in the vajrayana pleasure such as sex is not rejected as a
threat to spiritual practice, but rather is used to enhance spiritual
purification. While this may sound fascinating, it is important to remember
that such practice requires an immense theoretical and practical grounding,
without which, when viewed from the outside, it is easily misinterpreted.
Vajrayana male-female symbolism is not about sex. The practice can only
exist in context of a correct view of the unity of compassion and wisdom.
Furthermore, as the tantric path works on a personal and non-conceptual
level, it is not possible to make judgments about a practitioner. Tantra
transcends completely the conventional idea of a man and women having a
sexual relationship. It is about working with phenomena to bring about the
extraordinary realization of emptiness and bodhicitta in order to liberate all
beings from samsara. To expect a yogin or yogini, who is aspiring to go
beyond the chauvinism of the confused mind, to worry about sexual rights
issues seems absurd in the context of such a vast view.
Yet for the neophyte Westerner, certain Tibetan traditions must be very
annoying, and seem sexist or male chauvinist. Western perspectives on
sexual relationships emphasize "equality," yet this is very different from
what is meant by equality in vajrayana Buddhism. Where equality in the
West stands for two aspects reaching equal footing, in vajrayana Buddhism
equality is going beyond "twoness" or duality all together.
If duality remains, then by definition there can be no equality. I think social
equality between men and women is less important than realizing the
equality between samsara and nirvana which, after all, is the only true way
to engender a genuine understanding of equality. Thus the understanding of
equality in vajrayana Buddhism is on a very profound level.
The notion of sexual equality is quite new in the West, and because of this
there is a certain rigid and fanatic adherence to the specific way it should be
practiced. In vajrayana Buddhism, on the other hand, there is a tremendous
appreciation of the female, as well as a strong emphasis on the equality of
all beings. This might not, however, be apparent to someone who cannot
see beyond a contemporary Western framework. As a result, when Western
women have sexual relationships with Tibetan lamas, some might be
frustrated when their culturally conditioned expectations are not met.
If anyone thinks they could have a pleasing and equal lover in a Rinpoche,
they couldn't be more incorrect. Certain Rinpoches, those known as great
teachers, would by definition be the ultimate bad partner, from ego's point
of view. If one approaches such great masters with the intention of being
gratified and wishing for a relationship of sharing, mutual enjoyment etc.,
then not only from ego's point of view, but even from a mundane point of
view, such people would be a bad choice. They probably will not bring you
flowers or invite you out for candlelit dinners.
Anyway, if someone goes to study under a master with the intention to
achieve enlightenment, one must presume that such a student is ready to
give up his or her ego. You don't go to India and study with a venerable
Tibetan master expecting him to behave according to your own standards. It
is unfair to ask someone to free you from delusion, and then criticize him or
her for going against your ego. I am not writing this out of fear that if one
doesn't defend Tibetan lamas or Buddhist teachers, they will lose popularity.
Despite a lot of effort to convince the world about the pitfalls of the dharma
and the defects of the teachers, there will still be a lot of masochists who
have the misfortune to appreciate the dharma and a crazy abusing teacher
who will make sure to mistreat every inch of ego. These poor souls will
eventually end up bereft of both ego and confusion.
I know there are plenty of people who will disagree with much of what I have
said. For as much as I am set on my interpretations, so are others set on
theirs. I have met great teachers whom I admire enormously and although I
may be a doomed sycophant, I pray I will continue to enjoy the company of
these teachers. On the other hand, people may have other ideas and be
happy with them. My practice is devotion to the Buddhist path; others may
chose doubting the Buddhist path. But as Dharmakirti said, ultimately we
must abandon the path. So I hope in the end we will meet where we have
nothing to fight over.