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Scene 1
Narrator:
Mormon:
Jesus:
Narrator:
Moroni:
Narrator:
Scene 2
Price:
book.
Grant:
Price:
Green:
Young:
Harris:
Hello.
Young:
Did you know that Jesus lived here in the USA? [the sixth
Mormon rings a doorbell]
Grant:
Cross:
Hello
Grant:
In this nifty book. It's free! No, you don't have to pay.
Young:
Hello!
Smith:
Brown:
Green:
Hello.
Harris:
Hello.
Smith:
Price:
Harris:
Hi.
Price:
My name is-
Green:
Jesus Christ!
Grant:
Cross:
Hello.
Grant:
Smith:
White:
Hole!
Harris:
Ni Hao!
White:
Grant:
Green:
Cross:
Sound good?
Elders:
Eternal life-
Green:
Elders:
White:
Hello.
Young:
Ding Dong.
Elders:
Grant:
No, thanks!
Green:
You sure?
Grant:
Oh well.
Green:
Grant:
Goodbye.
Green:
Hey now!
Elders:
Cunningham:
Elders:
Hello.
Cunningham:
Hello!
Elders:
My name is
Cunningham:
Elder Cunningham!
Elders:
Price:
Hello.
Green:
Hello.
Grant:
Ding Dong.
White:
Hi ho.
Smith:
Price:
It's free.
Young:
For you.
Harris:
From me!
Grant:
You see?
Elders:
Price:
Hello!
Elders:
Hello. You're gonna die some day, but if you read this
book you'll see that there's another way.
You'll spend eternity with friends and family. We can fully
guarantee you that
This book will change your life.
Hello! This book will change your life.
Hello! This book will change your life.
All right, elders, all right! That was very good indeed!
[the elders react positively] You have been training for
two years and you are now ready to go out and spread
the Word. [they briefly cheer] In a moment you will be
assigned your mission companions and locations.
Price:
Young:
Smith:
Price:
Grant:
Price:
Superior:
Young:
Superior:
Grant:
Superior:
Young:
Oh wow! Norway!
Grant:
Elders:
Superior:
Smith:
Superior:
White:
White:
Smith:
Elders:
Superior:
Green:
Oh, Japan!
Cross:
Green:
And Mothra!
Superior:
Price (Elders):
"G'day",
but I pray I'm sent to my favorite place:
Orlando (Orlando) I love you Orlando.
Sea World and Disney and putt putt golfing!
Superior:
Elder Price.
Price:
Yes sir!
Superior:
Cunningham:
Price:
Oh, hi.
Superior:
Price:
Uganda.
Cunningham:
Superior:
Africa!
Cunningham:
Elders:
Superior:
All right, elders, all right! Go home and pack your things.
Tomorrow, your missions begin. [the other elders leave]
Cunningham:
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
Scene 3
Price's Father:
Price's Brother:
Price:
Price's Father:
Price:
Cunningham's Father:
Cunningham's Father:
Cunningham:
Uh... oh, he is. We're gonna have the most amazing time
together. It's like, like I'm finally gonna have a best friend.
Cunningham's Father:
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham's Father:
Cunningham:
I lie a lot!
Cunningham's Father:
Cunningham:
Price's Father:
Price:
Mrs. Brown:
Well, good luck in Africa, boys! I've never been, but I hear
it's a HOOT!
Cunningham's Father:
[hugs his son one more time] Well, goodbye, son, and
please be careful.
Price's Father:
[grabs Price's upper arms] Now you get out there and
you baptize those Africans, boy! [a last round of goodbye
Mrs. Brown:
Bye, baby.
Scene 4
[In flight. The two elders get on a plane and find their
seats]
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
Worthy of what?
Price:
Cunningham:
My best friend
Price:
world forever.
'Cause I can do most anything.
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
Aye -aye!
Price:
Cunningham:
Price, Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
My best friend.
Price:
Price, Cunningham:
Cunningham:
Price:
Out of my way.
Cunningham:
Price, Cunningham:
Forever
Cunningham:
Price:
Mostly me!
Cunningham:
Price, Cunningham:
But me mostly
And there's no limit to what we can do...
Me and you.
But mostly... ME!
[Cunningham looks at Price admiringly and rests his arms
on his suitcase handle. They head back to their seats and
finish the flight]
Scene 5
Cunningham:
Well, looks like we made it, huh? [whips out his camera
and starts filming]
Price:
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
Guard 1:
Price:
Guard 1:
Price:
Cunningham:
Guard 2:
Price:
What?
Guard 1:
Price:
Guard 1:
Price:
Omigosh! Okay-
Cunningham:
Just take the bags!! Why are you doing this?! [the two
guards put away their weapons and leave with the bags]
Mafala:
Price:
Mafala:
Price:
Uh no, uh, shouldn't you call the police and see if we can
get our bags back?
Mafala:
Price:
Mafala:
Cunningham:
'Scuse me?
Mafala:
Cunningham:
Mafala:
It's the only way to get through all these troubles. And,
there's war! Poverty! Famine! But, having a saying makes
it all seem better.
There isn't enough food to eat: Hasa diga eebowai.
People are starving in the street:
Ugandans:
Women (Men):
Cunningham:
Mafala:
Kind of...
We've had no rain in several days.
Ugandans:
Mafala:
Ugandans:
Mafala:
Many young girls here get circumcised. Their clits get cut
right off!
Ugandans:
Way oh!
Women:
Ugandans:
Women (Men):
Mafala:
Now you try it! [the other Ugandans laugh raucously] Just
stand up tall, tilt your head to the sky, and list off the bad
things in your life!
Cunningham:
Ugandans:
Price:
Ugandans:
Mafala:
Ugandans:
Mafala:
Raise your middle finger to the sky, and curse his rotten
name!
Price:
Cunningham:
Women:
Price:
[burping the baby] Excuse me, sir, but, but what exactly
does that phrase mean?
Mafala:
Ugandans:
Price:
What??
Mafala:
Ugandans:
Mafala:
Ugandans:
Cunningham:
Ugandans:
Way oh! [Price tries to find the right woman to give the
baby back to, and his search gets frantic. He finally finds
her and gives the baby back]
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
I do?
Price:
Cunningham:
What?
Price:
Cunningham:
Women (Men):
Price:
Excuse me, sir, but you should really not be saying that.
Price:
What?? Why??
Mafala:
Cunningham:
Mafala:
I know!
Ugandans:
Mafala:
Ugandans:
Men:
Fuck you!
Ugandans:
Fuck You!
Women:
Ugandans:
Fuck
Fuck
Fuck
Fuck
Men (Women):
Ugandans:
you
you
you
you
Ugandans:
Hasa Diga, Fuck You God! In the cunt! [the villagers put
up their middle fingers one last time, then leave. Mafala's
daughter takes Price and Cunningham to their quarters]
Fuck you, God!
Scene 6
Nabulungi:
Cunningham:
Nabulungi:
Nabulungi.
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
Oh hey, hey...
Price:
Nabulungi:
Price:
Cunningham:
Scene 7
Price:
Hello?
McKinley:
Price:
Church:
Michaels:
Thomas:
Elder Thomas, but the elders here all call me Elder PopTart, 'cause I love them so much.
McKinley:
Price:
McKinley:
Let's sit, let's sit [the other elders gather around the
couch] Well, we've all been together about three months
now, sharing the Word of Christ, saving the souls of the
fine Ugandan people through baptism.
Price:
McKinley:
Cunningham:
McKinley:
Cunningham:
Price:
Yeah. I'm just ah... I'm just getting a little confused... right
now, so.
McKinley:
Elders:
Church:
Elders:
McKinley:
Turn it off!
Elders:
Thomas:
Turn it off!
Thomas:
Yeah!
Elders:
Thomas:
I fear that I might get cancer too. [the elders laugh, then
"...oh", then silence]
McKinley:
Price:
McKinley:
Elders:
Turn it off!
McKinley:
Price:
The same.
Elders:
Awww.
McKinley:
Cunningham:
Alright! It worked!
Elders:
Yay!!!
He turned it off! (Turned it off!)
Turn it off! Turn it off!
Turn it off! Turn it off!
Like a light switch
Just go 'click'! (Click click!)
What a cool little Mormon trick (Trick trick!)
We do it all the time!
McKinley:
Elders:
McKinley:
Scene 8
McKinley:
Cunningham:
McKinley:
ready for bed] I've heard a lot of great things about you,
Elder Price. I'm really hopin' you can... turn things around
here.
Cunningham:
McKinley:
Price:
Cunningham:
Price:
What?
Cunningham:
I mean think about it: Who got the ring back from
Gollum? Hm? OH! Samwise. And who pulled Frodo up the
side of the mountain just think about however to- I
remember now! Samwise! Samwise did it!
Price:
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
Cunningham:
Price:
I feel fine. [sits up, and Cunningham joins him at the side
of the bed again] But this is what I'm talking about. Your
focus needs to be on our WORK. Do you understand how
difficult this is gonna be? The missionaries here have yet
to baptize a single person.
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
Don't worry. I'm not gonna let you down. Today we're
gonna bring lots of Africans to the church. I just know it.
Price:
Cunningham:
Really??
Price:
Yeah.
Cunningham:
Price:
Both:
Cunningham:
Price:
Goodnight, pal.
Scene 9
Mafala:
Nabulungi:
Mafala:
Nabulungi:
Mafala:
Nabaluni:
Mafala:
Price, Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
Okay!
Price:
Okay!
Cunningham:
Price:
Gotswana:
Price:
Gotswana:
Yes.
Price:
Gotswana:
Cunningham:
Gotswana:
Price:
Well, uh, you, you, you should probably see the doctor.
Gotswana:
Price:
Gotswana:
Price:
Nabulungi:
Cunningham:
Nabulungi:
People come and tell us about Jesus and his dying for our
Price:
Nabulungi:
Price:
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
He spoke to God?
Price:
And God said "Joe, people really need to know that the
Bible isn't two parts! There's a part three to The Bible,
Joe! And I, God, have anointed you to dig up this part
three that's buried by a tree on a hill in your backyard!"
Cunningham:
Price:
Joseph Smith:
What are these golden plates? Who buried them here and
why?
Price:
Chorus:
Ahhhhh...
Moroni (Chorus):
I... am Moroni.
The All-American angel! (All-American!)
My people lived here long, long ago! (So long ago!)
This is a history of my race, please read the words within
We were Jews who met with Christ, but we were AllAmerican!
But don't let anybody see these plates except for you...
They are only for you to see...
Even if people ask you to show the plates to them, don't
Just copy them onto normal paper
Even though this might make them question if the plates
are real or not...
This is sort of what God is going for...
Price:
Joseph Smith:
Cunningham:
Price (Chorus):
Joseph Smith:
Price:
All:
Cunningham:
Price:
Gotswana:
Price:
Joseph Smith:
Price:
Cunningham:
All:
Price:
So? Who would like their very own copy of the Book of
Mormon?
Woman:
Price:
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
Price:
You what?
Cunningham:
Price:
General:
A Woman:
He's here!
General:
General:
Man:
General:
Scene 10
[The Hatimbi house, Mafala has turned off all the lights
and closed all the windows]
Mafala:
Nabulungi:
Mafala:
Nabulungi:
Mafala:
What?
Nabulungi:
Mafala:
Nabulungi:
Mafala:
Scene 11
McKinley:
Davis:
What is it?
McKinley:
I just got off the phone with the zone leader. The mission
president wants a written progress report from us THIS
WEEK!
Michaels:
McKinley:
Church:
McKinley:
Church:
Well...
Schrader:
Neeley:
Thomas:
You did? I got the worst hell dreams after the day that my
sister died. She-
Neeley:
McKinley:
Look, we've all had the spooky hell dream, people. I have
it nightly! The issue now is what the heck am I supposed
to tell the mission president! [Price and Cunningham
enter the building, with Price being covered in blood from
the man shot moments before]
Church:
Price:
Cunningham:
He's upset because we just saw some guy get shot in the
face.
Price:
McKinley:
Cunningham:
Elders:
Yeah!
Price:
McKinley:
Hey, HEY! Are you forgetting Rule Number 23?! You may
NOT... leave the living quarters after 9 pm!
Price:
Cunningham:
Hey uh... [follows him out] Hold up, you forgot me!
McKinley:
Cunningham:
Scene 12
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
Price:
Yes it is!
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
Oh I see...
Price:
Cunningham:
Price:
And I'm not your best friend!! I just got stuck with you by
the missionary training center!! [long pause] I didn't
mean to, I didn't mean to say "stuck"... It's just that-
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
It's, it's alright. I know how it goes. It's really fine. I'll be,
I'll be totally fine.
Price:
Cunningham:
Right.
Price:
You know?
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
Nabulungi:
Cunningham:
Nabulungi:
Cunningham:
To do what?
Nabulungi:
Cunningham:
Nabulungi:
...What is a transfer?
Cunningham:
Nabulungi:
Cunningham:
Nabulungi:
Cunningham:
Me? What?
Nabulungi:
He is gone, but you are still here. You will lead us! Teach
us everything about what is in the Book of Mormon!
Cunningham:
Nabulungi:
Cunningham:
Cunningham:
To man up!
Nabulungi:
Cunningham:
Time to!
Price:
Ugandans:
Ka Lay Ka Siti!
Nabulungi:
Price:
Ugandans:
Price:
Cunningham:
Man up!
Price:
Chorus:
Orlando!
Ugandans:
Cunningham:
My time to, time to. Now it's my time to, time to!
Ugandans:
Cunningham:
No time to, not time to. Now it's time to, time to!
Ugandans:
Huh!
Cunningham:
Ugandans:
Time to!
Cunningham:
Ugandans:
Mine to!
Cunningham:
Nabulungi:
Cunningham:
It is time to
Gotswana:
Scene 1
Narrator:
Jesus:
Narrator:
Cunningham:
An Ugandan:
Oooo...
Cunningham:
Woman:
Cunningham:
Mafala:
Nabulungi:
Middala:
Sadaka:
Cunningham:
Uh?! Sure they did! Sure they did! Back then people had
even worse AIDS! [he has their attention] Yeah! [he gets
back to the book] And lo, the LORD said unto the
Nephites, "I know you're really depressed, what with all
your AIDS, and everything, but there's an answer in
Christ."
Nabulungi:
Cunningham:
Cunningham's Dad:
Cunningham:
Cunningham's Dad:
Joseph Smith:
Cunningham:
Joseph Smith?
Cunningham's Dad,
Joseph Smith:
Cunningham:
Cunningham's Dad,
Joseph Smith,
Conscience:
Cunningham:
Oh conscience!
Cunningham's Dad,
Joseph Smith,
Conscience:
Middala:
Aaaaaah, this is bull shit! The story that I have been told
is the way to cure AIDS is by sleeping with a virgin! Ah
I'm going to go and rape a baby.
Cunningham:
Middala:
Why not?!
Cunningham:
Middala:
Cunningham:
Middala:
Really?
Cunningham:
All:
Hobbits:
Cunningham:
All:
Cunningham:
All:
NO!
Nabulungi:
Cunningham:
Nabulungi:
Cunningham:
Huh??
Gotswana:
Cunningham:
Gotswana:
Cunningham:
Gotswana:
Frogs?
Woman:
You mean like the frog that got fucked by Joseph Smith?
Cunningham:
Cunningham:
Chorus (Ugandans):
Cunningham:
Yoda:
Cunningham:
Arnold...
Scene 3
Price:
I'm here! ... This is it! ... I'm here! Orlando! Ah! It's even
better than I could've imagined! The streets are clean,
the people are happy... Epcot Center. I can see the ball!
[carnival music comes up] The funny thing is, I don't
really remember getting here. [the music and scenery
get darker] Wait, this can't be Orlando. I don't even
remember the plane landing. What's happening? Where
am I?? [Thunder approaches]
I remember this place!
Long ago when I was five
I snuck in the kitchen late at night
And ate a doughnut with a maple glaze
My father asked who ate the snack
I said that it was my brother Jack
Price (Demons):
Demons:
Jesus:
Price:
Demons:
Skeleton 1:
Skeleton 2:
He is even spookier!
Satan:
Price:
Hitler:
Genghis Khan:
Jeffrey Dahmer:
Johnnie Cochran:
I got OJ free!
Price:
Demons:
Price (Demons):
Demons:
Price:
Demons:
Price (Demons):
Now
Aaa-aaa-aaa-aah
Spooky
Spooky Mormon Hell dream now! [Price is dragged
around by the demons and finally collapses]
Spooky Mormon Hell dream done! [fade to black]
Scene 4
McKinley:
I think he's coming to. [to Price] Come on, Elder Price.
Wake up, buddy.
Price:
Davis:
Church:
We were so worried!
Price:
Elders:
Price:
McKinley:
Michaels:
Cunningham:
Michaels:
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
Price:
Hey...
Cunningham:
Price:
No. No, I didn't. And I'm sorry about that. But this is
great, Elder Cunningham. If you've got some eager
followers, we could really turn things around here! I think
we should start... preparing which verses we're going to
teach them, maybe prep some exercises, or find some,
some music, maybe then-
Cunningham:
Price:
Yes, I know. And I'm sorry. But Heavenly Father has shown
me I need to stay here!
Cunningham:
Davis:
McKinley:
Cunningham:
Church:
McKinley:
They always say you just have to get that first baptism
and the others will follow!
Cunningham:
Hold up! I know I'm doing a really good job and all, but
let's not get too carried away, I mean, a lot of the people
here are so scared to death of that General Butt Effing
Naked guy.
Thomas:
McKinley:
Price:
McKinley:
Price (Choir):
Guard:
Price (Choir):
General:
Price (Choir):
Price:
Scene 6
Cunningham:
Middala:
Oh! Just like the way the Hobbits all stood up against
Brigham Young's killers!
Cunningham:
Kalimba:
Cunningham:
Mafala:
Sadaka:
Cunningham:
Nabulungi:
Cunningham:
Nabulungi:
Cunningham:
Nabulungi:
Cunningham:
Nabulungi:
Cunningham:
Nabulungi:
Cunningham:
Nabulungi:
Cunningham:
What? Now?
Nabulungi:
Why not?
Cunningham:
Nabulungi:
Cunningham:
Nabulungi:
Cunningham:
Nabulungi:
Cunningham:
Nabulungi:
Cunningham:
Nabulungi:
Cunningham
(Nabulungi):
Nabulungi:
Cunningham:
Nabulungi:
Cunningham and
Nabulungi:
Cunningham:
Nabulungi:
Cunningham:
Nabulungi:
Yeah?
Cunningham:
Nabulungi:
Yeah?
Cunningham:
Cunningham
(Nabulungi):
Nabulungi:
Cunningham and
Nabulungi:
Cunningham
(Nabulungi):
Nabulungi:
Scene 7
[at the same river some days later. The elders stand at
one side of the river, the villagers on the other. McKinley
Mission President:
McKinley:
I am Africa. I am Africa.
With the strength of the cheetah my native voice will
ring.
Elders:
Schrader:
Thomas:
the meerkat
Church:
Elders:
We are Africa.
We are the winds of the Serengeti, we are the sweat of
the jungle man,
We are the tears of Nelson Mandela, we are the lost boys
of the Sudan!
Cunningham:
Elders:
Ha na he-iya! Za ba ne-iba!
Cunningham:
Elders:
Ha na he-iya! Za ba ne-iba!
Ha na he-iya! Za ba ne-ib...
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...
Scene 8
Gotswana:
Elders:
Cunningham:
Nabulungi:
Elders:
General:
Elders:
We are the Africa (We are Africa) The one and only Africa
(The one and only)
And the life we live is primitive and proud! (Let us smile
and laughrica!)
We are Africa (We are Africa) We are deepest, darkest
Africa! (So deep and dark in Africa)
We are the fields and fertile forest, well endowed.
We are Africa (We are Africa)
McKinley:
Zelder:
Church:
Elders:
Scene 9
Price:
Cunningham:
[walks in] Elder Price? [Price looks over] Are you okay?
Price:
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
Price:
Well of what??
Price:
That the universe doesn't work the way we were told! ...
When I was nine years old, my family took a trip. To
Orlando, Florida. And it was the most... wonderful, most
magical place I'd ever seen. And I decided right then and
there, "This... is where I want to spend eternity." My
parents said that if I made God proud and I did
everything the Church asked, in the latter days, I could
have whatever I wanted. So I worked. And I worked. And
even when I studied Mormon stories and I thought, "That
doesn't really make sense," I kept working! Because I was
told that one day I would get my reward! PLANET
ORLANDO! But what do I have now?
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
Price:
BULL POOP!
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
Price:
I'm just a guy who will die and never go back... to... you...
Scene 10
Mission President:
Boys! You have all done the most amazing work of your
missions. You are the gleaming examples of Latter-Day
Saints.
Assistants:
Mission President:
And YOU, Elder Price and Elder Cunningham, you are the
most successful missionaries in all of Africa.
Cunningham:
Assistants:
Nabulungi:
Cunningham:
Nabulungi:
Cunningham:
McKinley:
Mission President:
Yes, yes yes, let's see what these noble Africans have
learned. [the Ugandans get themselves into position]
Nabulungi:
Ugandans:
Moooormon
Nabulungi (Ugandans): I'm going to take you back in time (Mormon), to the
United States, 1823 (Mormon). A small and odd village
called Oopstate New York (Oopstate). There was disease
and famine (so sick). But also in this village lived a simple
farmer who would change everything. His name..... was
Joseph Smith.
Ugandans:
Joseph Smith:
Mission President:
WHAT?!
Ugandans:
Nabulungi:
God:
Ugandans:
Hiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiya
Nabulungi:
Joseph Smith fucked the frog God gave him and his AIDS
went away. [Mutumbo simulates the act] Then a great
wizard named Moroni came down from the Starship
Enterprise. [Middala steps through the clouds as Moroni]
Moroni:
Ugandans:
Awaaaaay!
Nabulungi:
Ugandans:
Nabulungi:
Joseph Smith
(Ugandans):
Brigham Young:
Woman:
Ugandans:
Brigham Young:
Ugandans:
Joseph Smith:
Ugandans:
Ooooooohhhh!!
Nabulungi:
Ugandans:
Nabulungi:
Joseph Smith
(Ugandans):
Nabulungi:
Now comes the part of our story that gets a little bit sad.
Ugandans:
Ooooooh!
Nabulungi:
Ugandans:
Joseph Smith:
Nabulungi:
Ugandans:
Joseph Smith:
Brigham Young
(Ugandans):
Nabulungi:
Ugandans:
Nabulungi:
Jesus:
Fuck your woman, fuck your man, this is all part of God's
plan
Mormons fuck all that they can. We're in Salt Lake City
land.
Thank you, thank you, God! (Now we are fucking!)
Thank you, thank you, God! (God wants us fucking!)
Thank you, thank you, God! (Get back to fucking!)
Thank you, thank you, God!
Joseph Smith fuck frog, Brigham Young clit face
Shit come out the butt, Jesus says fuck, fuck
Mormons!
[A man bows a bit before the president, and he returns
the bow, but he is not happy]
Mission President:
Mutumbo:
Scene 11
McKinley:
Mission President:
Cunningham:
Nabulungi:
Mission President:
Nabulungi:
Mission President:
You and your people are about as far from being LatterDay Saints as it gets. YOU ALL ARE!
Nabulungi:
Cunningham:
Nabulungi:
Cunningham:
Nabulungi:
Cunningham:
Nabulungi:
Cunningham:
I don't, um...
Nabulungi:
I know what you people are now. You traveled from your
sparkling lovely paradise in Ootah to tell ridiculous stories
to people less fortunate to make fun of them!
Cunningham:
Nabulungi:
Mission President:
Elders, you may as well pack all your things. This district
is shut down. Go home to your parents, and explain to
them that you have all... FAILED... as missionaries! [the
elders and the mission president and his assistants all
leave. Elder Price steps in and approaches him]
Cunningham:
Boy I... really did it this time, huh? I mean I I've, I've
always been a screw up, but this? The thing is I, I really
liked her too, you know? And in fact, maybe it was like I
could almost be a normal person, with a girl who cared
about me, who was... hot. And instead I made those poor
Africans put on the biggest abomination in Mormon
history.
Price:
Cunningham:
Huh?
Price:
Cunningham:
What?
Price:
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
It doesn't matter now 'cause she's gonna get her clit cut
off and it's all my fault!
Price:
Elder, come on! There is always hope! I will help you fix
this!
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
Scene 12
Mafala:
Mutumbo:
Kalimba:
General:
Mutumbo:
Nabulungi:
Mutumbo:
Nabulungi:
Middala:
Nabulungi:
Gotswana:
General:
Middala:
Nabulungi:
No, stop it! All of you! I told you our prophet is gone.
There is no promised land, and there is no salvation.
Sadaka:
Kimbay:
Mafala:
All the stories the prophet has told us... are just
metaphors.
Woman:
Nabulungi:
Ugandans:
Yes.
Price:
Middala:
HE HAS RISEN!
Kalimba:
It is a miracle!
Mafala:
Woman:
General:
Price:
Cunningham:
Price:
Cunningham:
Nabulungi:
McKinley:
Neeley:
Price:
Zelder:
What?
Price:
An Elder:
Yeah.
Price:
Neeley:
But the mission president said we're all about as far from
Latter-Day Saints as it gets.
Price:
Naw, you know what guys? Fuck. Him. We are still LatterDay Saints! All of us! Even if we changed some things, or
if we break the rules or, or if we have complete doubt
that God exists. We can still all work together and make
this our paradise planet.
McKinley:
Price:
Elders (Ugandans):
Nabulungi:
Cunningham:
Ensemble:
Price (Ensemble):
Ensemble:
The skies are clearing and now the suns coming out
It's a Latter Day tomorrow
Put your worries and your sorrows and your cares away
'Cause tomorrow's is a Latter Day!
Tomorrow is a Latter Day!
Tomorrow is a Latter Day!
Cunningham:
Price:
Price/Cunningham/Nab
I can almost see it now...
ulungi:
Scene 13
Mutumbo:
Kimbay:
Hello.
Gotswana:
Hello.
Kimbay:
Nabulungi:
A sacred text-
Mafala:
Hello.
Nabulungi:
Mafala:
Fucked frogs.
Nabulungi:
Woman:
Hi ho.
Middala/Kimbay:
Ding dong.
Kalimba:
Hello.
Woman:
Boba Fett!
Kalimba:
Sadaka:
Hello
Ghali:
General:
Hello.
Middala:
Hello!
General:
Ugandans:
Find Paradise
Kimbay:
Ugandans:
General:
Hello.
Middala:
Nice door!
Ugandans:
Nabulungi:
Part 4
Ugandans:
We swear
General:
We really care!
Ugandans:
General:
No ma'am!
Ugandans:
Cunningham:
Hello!
Ensemble:
Hello (Hello)
Our church is going strong (Hello)
And if you let us in we'll show you how you can belong
(Hello)
Join our family (Hello)
And set your spirit free (Hello)(Hello)
We can fully guarantee you that this book will change
your life
Hello! This book will change your life
Hello! This book will change your life
Will change- This book will change your life
The book of Arnold...
Hello!
[they all bow, then the main characters come out to bow,
then they all bow twice more]
We are Latter Day Saints. (Yeah!) We take life one day at
a time.
When the chips are down we know just what to say (We
know just what to say)
The past may be in tatters, but today is all that matters
(Hum na-haya)
Because today is yesterday's Latter Day (Hoo hoo hoo
oho oho)
Thank you God!
Ma ha nei bu, Eebowai!
Why are Mormons happy? It's because we know it's a
Latter Day tomorrow.
So if you're sad put your hands together and pray that
tomorrow's gonna be a Latter Day.
Yeah! You know it's gonna be a Latter Day
[slowing] Tomorrow is
A Latter Day!!
Gotswana: