How to Build Instant Rapport - June 13th, 2007

Rapport is the ultimate key to selling. If youve got great rapport with customers, theyll naturally want to
buy from you, and every customer meeting tends to be more productive. If rapport is weak, every meeting
is awkward and difficult, and making a sale becomes next to impossible.
The foundation of rapport is the first impression. If youre like most sales pros, you use some kind of
icebreaker during that initial meeting to overcome the social awkwardness inherent in any face-to-face
meeting between strangers. Unfortunately, the two most common icebreakers are ineffective when it comes
to moving a sale forward.
WRONG. A common icebreaker is throw out a neutral compliment about something in the prospects office,
such as the family photo, the motivational poster on the wall, the view out the window, etc. Thats a dumb
move because almost everybody who comes into that office for the first time has made that exact same
remark. You just told the customer that youre unimaginative and boring.
WRONG. Another common icebreaker is to make a reference to something in the news, like a big win by a
local sports team or a major world event. Thats a bit better, because if you truly share the same values and
interests as the prospect, youre on the way to building rapport. However, the rapport youre building has
nothing to do with the reason for your sales call. When you transition to selling, there will a jarring
disconnect that leaves the customer with the impression that you were only kissing up.
The biggest problem with these two icebreakers is that they suggest you havent bothered to do any
research on the customer and are simply winging it. (Which lets be honest about this is probably the
case)
RIGHT. Heres a better approach, adapted from some pointers I got a couple of years ago from Dr. Earl
Taylor, a master trainer for Dale Carnegie:
* Step 1. Warm Initial Greeting. Deliver your initial greeting with the same graciousness and warmth that
you would use to greet an honored guest in your home. When you welcome guests, you are typically glad to
see them and you want them to feel comfortable and appreciated. The trick to delivering a warm greeting is
to be truly grateful that you have this opportunity to meet the prospect and to be of service.
* Step 2. Relevant Opening Line. Open the conversation with a remark that lets the prospect know that you
have put some thought into the prospect and the prospects firm. Needless to say, this requires that you do
some research prior to the meeting. At the very least, you should have checked the Internet for an overview
of the prospects business and for any important biographical information about the prospect and prospects
career.
* Step 3. Natural Follow-Through. Continue with a question about the business or the individual that leads
towards a productive conversation that moves the meeting to the next sales step. This is a natural segue
because youve already placed the conversation in a business context, while still showing a interest in the
customer. Whats more, youre not wasting the customers time with remarks that have no relevance to your
business relationship.
Here are some examples:
Customer: IT Manager.
Initial Greeting: I cant tell you how much I appreciate the opportunity to have a conversation with you.
Opening line: I was on the web learning more about your company and I came across a keynote speech
that you gave at a recent conference. What kind of response did you get?
Follow-through: Im not surprised it was well received because my firm has been working in this field for
the past ten years and we know how vital these issues are. What progress have you been able to make
addressing them inside your own shop?
Customer: CEO
Initial Greeting: Im so glad that we have the opportunity to meet and Ill be brief because were both busy
people.

Opening line: I noticed from your bio that you used to work in a different industry. What was the biggest
challenge that you faced, as an executive, moving into this line of business?
Follow-through: Thats really interesting. You know, Ive often thought that the kind of alliances that are
common in that industry would make sense in our industry as well. If we were to forge a strategic alliance
between our two firms, how would could we craft it so that both firms achieved their goals more quickly?
Customer: Warehouse Manager
Initial Greeting: I really appreciate that youre taking the time to meet with me when things are clearly so
hectic.
Opening line: Ill bet one of the reasons that youre so busy is that youre getting ready for that big
reorganization that was announced last week.
Follow-through: I had an idea of how my company might help you reduce inventory. When the new
management looks at your department, how will they determine whether your inventory is running
efficiently?

Basic Techniques for Building Rapport !! - April 10th, 2007

Rapport building is the single most important aspect of our communication . In

fact,all communication efforts can get futile if we do not have a rapport with our team
members.
Here is a nice article on "Basic Techniques for Building Rapport" from the web pages
of dummies.com . I hope all of you will like it.
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Having rapport as the foundation for any relationship means that when there are
tough issues to discuss, you can more easily find solutions and move on. Fortunately,
you can learn how to build rapport. Rapport happens at many levels. You can build
rapport all the time through:

The places and people you spend time with

The way you look, sound, and behave

The skills you have learned

The values that you live by

Your beliefs

Your purpose in life

Being yourself

Seven quick ways to sharpen your rapport

For starters, try some immediate ways to begin building rapport:

Take a genuine interest in getting to know what's important to the other person.
Start to understand them rather than expecting them to understand you first.
Pick up on the key words, favourite phrases and way of speaking that someone
uses and build these subtly into your own conversation.

Notice how someone likes to handle information. Do they like lots of details or
just the big picture? As you speak, feed back information in this same portion
size.

Breathe in unison with them.

Look out for the other person's intention their underlying aim rather than
what they do or say. They may not always get it right, but expect their heart to
lie in the right place.

Adopt a similar stance to them in terms of your body language, gestures, voice
tone and speed.

Respect the other person's time, energy, favourite people and money. They will
be important resources for them.

The communication wheel and rapport building

Classic research looked at how live communication was received and responded to.
His figures suggested that your impact depends on three factors how you look, how
you sound, and what you say. His research broke it down as illustrated in the
communication wheel here: 55 per cent body language, 38 per cent quality of the
voice and 7 per cent actual words spoken.
Clearly, first impressions count. Do you arrive for meetings and appointments hot and
harassed or cool and collected? When you begin to talk, do you mumble your words
in a low whisper to the floor or gaze directly and confidently at your audience before
speaking out loud and clear?
In terms of building rapport you are the message. And you need all parts of you
working in harmony: words, pictures, and sounds. If you don't look confident as if
you believe in your message people will not listen to what you are saying.
Rapport involves being able to see eye-to-eye with other people, connecting on their
wavelength. So much (93 per cent) of the perception of your sincerity comes not from
what you say but how you say it and how you show an appreciation for the other
person's thoughts and feelings.
When you are in rapport with someone, you can disagree with what they say
and still relate respectfully with him or her. The important point to remember is to
acknowledge other people for the unique individuals that they are. For example, you
may well have different political or religious views to your colleagues or clients, but
there's no need to fall out about it. It's also likely that there are several choices about
what's favourite to eat for supper and you can agree to differ with your family on that
one, too.
Hold on to the fact that you simply wish to differ with their opinion and this is no
reflection on the person. A person is more than what they say, do, or believe.
Matching and mirroring
When you are out and about in bars and restaurants, have you noticed how two

people look when there's rapport between them? Without hearing the details of the
conversation you can see it's like a dance. People naturally move in step with each
other. There's a sense of unison in their body language and the way they talk
elegantly dovetailing their movements and speech. NLP calls this matching and
mirroring.
By contrast, think of a time when you've been the unwilling witness to an
embarrassingly public argument between a couple, or a parent and child in the street
or supermarket. Even with the volume turned off, you soon feel what it's like when
people are totally out of synchronisation with each other just from their body posture
and gestures. NLP calls this mismatching.
Matching and mirroring are ways of becoming highly tuned in to how someone else is
thinking and experiencing the world. It's a way of listening with your whole body.
Simple mirroring happens naturally when you have rapport.
What NLP suggests is that you can also deliberately match and mirror someone to
build rapport until it becomes natural. To do this, you will need to match:

Voice tonality (how you sound) or speed

Breathing rates

Rhythm of movement and energy levels

Body postures and gesturesv

Beware the fine line between mimicry and moving in rhythm with someone.
People instinctively know if you are making fun of them or being insincere. If you
decide you'd like to check out mirroring for yourself, do it gradually in no-risk
situations or with somone you'll never see again. Don't be surprised though if it works
and the strangers want to become your friends!
Pacing to lead
Building great relationships requires that you pace other people. NLP compares
pacing people to running alongside a train. If you tried to jump straight on to a
moving train, it's likely you'd fall off. In order to jump on a moving train you would
have to gather speed by racing alongside it until you were moving at the same speed
before you could jump on.
In order to lead somebody, to influence them with your point of view, remember to
pace them first. This means really listening to them, fully acknowledging them, truly
understanding where they have come from and being patient about it.

Additional important advice from NLP to build rapport is to: Pace pace
and pace again before you lead. Pacing is how NLP describes the your flexibility
to respectfully pick up and match other people's behaviours and vocabulary, where
you are actively listening to the other person. Leading is when you are attempting to
get the other person to change by subtly taking them in a new direction.
In business, companies that succeed in introducing major change programmes do so
in measured steps. This allows changes to gradually become accepted by employees.
People are unwilling to be led to new ways of working until they have first been paced
listened to and acknowledged. The most effective leaders are those who pace their
people's reality first.
Watch effective salespeople in action and you'll see how they master the art of pacing
the customer and demonstrate genuine interest. They listen, listen, and listen some
more about what the customer's needs are, what they really want, before trying to sell
them anything. People resent being sold to, but they love to be listened to and to talk
about what's important to them.
Building rapport in virtual communication
Virtual teams who hold virtual meetings have entered the workplace. We have also the
phenomenon of virtual management, of multi-cultural project teams that sit across
global networks and work remotely thanks to the technology conference calls,
email and video-conferencing.
In this environment of reduced face-to-face contact, you lose the nuances of facial
expressions, the body language and subtlety of getting to know the colleague at the
next desk as you work closely with others. At its best, the virtual team spells freedom
and flexibility of working practices, diversity, and a richness of skills. At its worst, it's
lonely, isolated, and ineffective.
For all, the challenge of virtual working to build rapport is greater than before. Little
wonder that people are being recruited more for soft skills the ability to influence
and negotiate than for technical competence. Following are ways to develop
rapport over the phone and teleconferences.

Make sure that all the locations are connected and can hear each other on the
phone. Introduce and welcome people with a roll call.
Work to a clear agenda. Set outcomes for the call and agree these with all
participants.
Check you've had input from a mix of people. If necessary, encourage the
quieter individuals to take part. Say, for example: 'Mike, what are your
thoughts on this?'

Discourage small talk or separate chats at different sites. One discussion, one
meeting, one agenda.

Speak more slowly and precisely than in face-to-face meetings. Remember you
can't get clues from the body language.

Listen for the style of language and match your language style to theirs.

Get attention before making your point (otherwise the first part of the message
gets lost). Begin with phrases like: 'I have something I'd like to mention here
it's about'

Use people's names more than in face-to-face meetings. Address questions to

people by name and thank them for their contribution by name.

As you listen to the conversation, visualise the person at the other end of the
phone line (you may even like to have a photo of them in front of you).

Continually summarise and check understanding of points and decisions.

Re: Basic Techniques for Building Rapport !! - April 10th, 2007

Improving Your Communication with NLP
One of the major contributions NLP has made to personal development and life enhancement is its
applications to communication both internal and external. NLP offers many practical techniques to allow
us to engage in more meaningful interactions with those around us by limiting many of the barriers to
effective communication. This article will look at some of the ways NLP can enhance our communication
skills specifically with others, and in doing so enhance the quality of our lives.
Called Neuro LINGUISTIC programming for a reason, NLP is focused on the language patterns involved
in the way we communicate with ourselves and others. Language patterns, specifically the words we use
and how we use them have a profound effect on our experience of every day life. When we have an
experience of any kind, then we give a label to that experience, the label, or the words we use BECOME
the experience. For example, you return from a day at Disneyland and someone asks you how it was.
You might answer it was awesome, fantastic, thrilling, scary, exciting, fun, heart pumping or crazy...
whichever word you choose to describe the experience, IS the experience. Say you chose 'scary'. Really
the word 'scary' isn't anything, it's just a combination of letters. But at the same time scary is a feeling,
a set of thoughts and mental imagery that is associated to that combination of letters. Think of this:
Imagine if you didn't know the word scary? For some reason it had been omitted from your vocabulary,
or you'd never heard it said as a child. Would you know how to be 'scared'? It's reported that some
small island nations don't have a word for 'war'... Imagine how that affects their way of life!
...the words we use and how we use them have a profound effect on our experience of every
day life. Words cause chemical reactions in our minds. The things we say or hear
Words cause chemical reactions in our minds. The things we say or hear said to us, particularly the
words that they are said in, cause us to feel certain ways about things and react in certain ways to
certain circumstances.
How do you answer when someone asks "How are you?" Do you mindlessly reply "Fine" or "Ok". How do
you feel when you say that? How do you feel after you have said it?
What if you replied "Phenomenal!", "Really superb", or "Fantastic"? Do you think you would feel

differently? Two people can have the same experiences day to day, but one can label them "ok" and one
can call them "Awesome" and as a consequence one person will FEEL awesome and one will physically
feel OK.
Do you see the power of words yet?
If not, think about it in a more external communication type context. Say someone has just given you
their opinion on something and you reply "I'm not sure I agree"... Do you think this would make the
person feel differently to if you said "You're WRONG". Both replies have indicated the same meaning...
you don't agree with them, but the words used create dramatically different reactions and so greatly
influence the interaction between the two people. Ok, ok you get it, words influence how we feel. So
how can this knowledge help us in our communication with others?
Another significant aspect of NLP in relation to communication with others is the use of what are called
Meta Models. There are certain patterns of speech that limit the way a message is communicated to a
listener. If we are aware of these patterns we can, as a listener, use our communication to clarify
someone's true meaning and more effectively understand their perspectives. Some examples of these
communication patterns are:
Universal Quantifiers
Are words like "always" and "never". When someone says always or never they almost never (see how
common these are) mean them literally, but when they say them they create the chemical reaction in
their brains that would occur as if it really were ALWAYS or NEVER. For example I'm talking to Susie
about her husband Jim and she says "Jim never does anything romantic with me". While it very likely
isn't the case that he NEVER does, by using that language pattern she physically FEELS like she would
feel if he NEVER did. I can better understand Susie's feelings better here by questioning "Always?" To
which she will usually reply, "well not ALWAYS but I can't remember the last time he did!" Already I
have a better understanding of the situation and at the same time, Susie now feels less emotionally
intense about the situation because she has described it differently and so she is in a state that is more
conducive to effective communication.
Comparisons
Are words like "better", 'worse", "best", "badly". The problem with these words is when they are used
we invariable miss out the part of the sentence that puts the comparison in context. For example "I
could have done so much better", raises the question "Better than what?" Whose standard are you using
for comparison? Is it yours or someone else's? How reasonable really is the statement that includes the
comparison? And yet when it is used it creates an emotional intensity that prevents the speaker from
thinking clearly about the situation. When you hear someone using a comparison like this it is best to
establish the context for the comparison by asking "Better than what?" and "Worse than who?" to gain
greater understanding of the message being communicated.
Making Judgments
Judgments are statements that indicate an opinion or fact. Things like "John isn't very sociable" are
considered judgments. These statements are usually taken as fact by most listeners when in fact they
can be rather misleading. Whose opinion is it that John isn't sociable? And on what criteria is this based?
Unless these factors are established, the statement "John isn't very sociable" doesn't really hold any
weight. Again by establishing whose opinion the judgments are and the reason it has been established,
a better ground for effective communication is established.
Complex Equivalence
This is a statement that assumes a relationship between two events that might not (and very likely
doesn't) exist. Here's an example:
"John doesn't like me".
"How do you know that John doesn't like you?"
"He always says hello to everyone else in the room before me."
This statement assumes a complex equivalence that John saying hello to you last is equivalent to him
not liking you. Of course you have never asked him if that is the case so this might well be an incorrect

assumption. The way to clarify these is by asking "How does this mean that?" and "How does John not
saying hello to you first mean that he doesn't like you?"
These are just a few of the subtle factors that can influence the effectiveness of communication between
people. You probably notice that they apply equally as much in internal communication. You might
diffuse some emotional intensity within yourself by realizing that the reason you are angry with that
person is because you think he NEVER does what he is supposed to. Upon asking yourself "Never?" you
will see the situation differently, lessen the intensity of your emotional state and be better able to come
up with a positive solution.
by: ANDREW HANSEN
source: http://www.earthlingcommunication.co...amming-nlp.php