FCTM1

FAMILY
COACH
TRAINING
Module I
Foundations of Family Coaching
MANUAL
RCI
Family Coach Training
Module 1:
Foundations of Family
Coaching
Copyright 2011 Diana Sterling,
Licensed to Relationship Coaching Institute.
ISBN-10: 0975500597
ISBN-13: 978-0-9755005-9-0
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form
or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying,
recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system,
without permission in writing from the copyright owner.
This book was printed in the United States of America.
Relationship Coaching Institute
1-888-268-4074
www.RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com
Family Coach Training - Module 1: Foundations of Family Coaching
2011 Diana Sterling, Licensed to Relationship Coaching Institute / All rights reserved
www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
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Family Coach Training Program Module 1: Foundations of Family Coaching
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Page
WELCOME FROM INSTRUCTOR
PROGRAM OVERVIEW
SYLLABUS
CLASS #1
WHAT IS FAMILY COACHING?

Reading to have Completed Choice Theory Chapters 1-3
CLASS #2
FAMILY COACHING PHILOSOPHY

13
CLASS #3
CHOICE THEORY AS A MODEL

19
CLASS #4
OUTCOME BASED COACHING

24
CLASS #5
ASSESSMENT MODELS
Reading to have Completed Enneagram Made Easy Entire
28
CLASS #6
ASSESSMENT MODELS
47
CLASS #7
MY COACHING PHILOSOPHY
Reading to have Completed None
54
CLASS #8
SYNTHESIS AND INTEGRATION

58

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WELCOME FROM DIANA STERLING

Welcome! Welcome to Relationship Coaching Institute's Family Coach Training program. You
and your classmates are now in our worldwide community of family, parent and teen coaches,
which has several implications. First, you are part of a small group of classmates with similar
aspirations and goals to help teens and parents with coaching as the primary methodology. We
are establishing the class as a team of people who each have custom designed learning paths,
rather than individual students who are on the same learning track. We ask you all to crossreference, cross-pollinate, share ideas and support each other like never before. We are a not a
class of individuals, we are a team of individuals, for ten months and perhaps beyond, forming a
new way of learning, relating to each other and growing. It is paramount that we embrace our
team in mutual positive regard and compassion and hold each persons unique contribution and
personal/professional outcomes as high as our own. Secondly, you are joining the larger
Community in the cause to help young people and their parents. Together we aspire to lead,
learn, teach and coach others in becoming their best selves. We ask you for the following as it
relates to this community:
Play Full Out Be Committed Stand in your Power.

Tell us when you need support and expect it from any of us.
Celebrate the successes and development of your classmates.
Be Your Word: If you say you will do something, we will hold you responsible, so only
commit to that which you can really do.
The pages in the first section of this manual describe the outline for this training module. Read
them carefully, digest and prepare any questions that will help you be extra clear about your role.
We will address these in our first tele-class together, and you will be able to expand on your
individual objectives with your personal coach. This course is designed to be rigorous, as we
believe that momentum can be created from discipline, commitment, rigor and above all compassion and love. There is no time to wait young people and their parents are in dire need
of our services and our skills. Teens are saying, Dont leave us! and we must meet this
challenge. The highest intention of this course is for you to gain confidence and competence in
coaching teens and parents. we support you in bringing your coaching voice and niche forward in
your chosen application. This course is designed to support you in becoming successful in
whatever coaching and teaching venue you choose. It is my honor to be working with you in this
capacity.
Welcome aboard!
Diana Sterling
Developer and Lead Instructor
RCI Family Coach Training Program

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PROGRAM OVERVIEW
OBJECTIVES
The goal of Family Coach Training is to teach a professional coaching skill set that can be
utilized in the community in a variety of settings, including but not limited to individual
coaching, group coaching, leading workshops, teaching classes, public speaking and workplace
applications.
Each participant is expected to participate fully and powerfully in growing their own capacities,
supporting the other students, and staking their claim in the world as advocates for young people,
parents and families. Overall learning objectives include:
Students feel competent to interact with teens, parents and family groups with coaching
skills using the Family Coach Training approach and methodology.
Students apply the skill set of professional coaching to their professional and personal life
in all areas as applicable.
Students expand on their personal development: discovery of hidden potential and gifts,
personal expansion of skills and techniques.
Students create an Individual Success Plan to take coaching, training and leading into
their community by using their own design/model.
Students integrate professional coaching into their chosen professional applications and
settings.
Students experience a synthesis of all four modules to inform their voice, and study of
practice (stitching it all together for experiencing and owning a whole body of work.)
THE PARENT AS COACH APPROACH
The Parent as Coach Approach Tool Kit is included in Family Coach Training program.
The Parent as Coach Approach family of products is one of our most important components to
use with clients as a way of introducing them to new ideas and ways of interacting with others.
We advocate using these tools with any coaching client in session or you may use them as a
marketing tool as well.
This kit includes 1 copy each of the Book, Audio Book on CD, DVD Seminar, Action Cards and
The GradeMaker Parent/teen Accountability System. Also included is the 4-Week Parent as
Coach Workshop (also can be done in one day or as a 4 8 week coaching program.)

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STUCTURE OF COURSE
Module One Foundations for Family Coaching
Module Two Coaching Teens, Parent and Families using The Parent as Coach Approach
Module Three Advanced Coaching Perspectives and Tools
Module Four Application and Business
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Diana Sterling, founder and designer of Family Coach Training gratefully acknowledges Mr.
James Flaherty (author of Coaching; Evoking Excellence) for a rigorous and life changing coach
training course experience taken with him in 1998. Acknowledgements also go to Tracy
Tresidder, PCC for her enduring friendship, collaboration and contribution to many components
of this curriculum as well as her faithful stewardship of The Parent as Coach Approach and
Family Coach Training. Other mentors and teachers that have informed the nature of this
curriculum include Jack Canfield (success coach), Gary D. Rodriquez (NLP trainer) T. Harv
Eker (Millionaire Mind Training), Doug Stevenson (Story Theatre) and Dr. Linda Falkenstein
(NicheCraft) as well as countless men and women whose shoulders we stand on collectively.
This course is possible only because of the many students and Family Coaches around the world
who have brought forth their passion, compassion and relentless desire to help families of all
kinds with coaching expertise. Their wisdom and feedback is the wind beneath the wings of
Family Coach Training.
Thank you to Frankie Doiron and David Steele of Relationship Coaching Institute for their faith
in this body of work and their commitment to making coaching a transformational reality for
thousands worldwide.
Onward!

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FAMILY COACH TRAINING PROGRAM SYLLUBUS

Module One: Foundations of Family Coaching
Introduction to the Family Coach Training history and philosophy, a review of the distinctions
between coaching, teaching, consulting and therapy, discovery of assessment tools in order to
assess the clients level of personal development, and expanding your personal commitment to
love and compassion for all people.
Development of your personal philosophy of coaching
Leveraging your current repertoire of strengths for coaching
Stretching yourself beyond where you are to rise to the challenges of coaching families,
teens and parents
A review of how to use the Enneagram as one of your most powerful assessment tools with
clients. An assessment tool is not the same as a diagnostic tool and we examine this distinction.
We reference the Enneagram Institute (www.enneagraminstitue.com) and provide a list of useful
Enneagram books and resources for optional self-study.
Understanding yourself and your types influence on your coaching
Using the Enneagram to assist in clients own self-awareness
Integrating the Enneagram into your coaching repertoire
Expanding your coaching abilities to include assessment tools
You will feel solid in your own core coaching foundation. Your current and past professional
training will be interwoven with the Coaching Foundations in the following capacities:
Integrating Choice Theory text into your own coaching voice
Expanding your abilities to create self-sustaining momentum
Helping all family members see their own potential
Creating a philosophical base from whence we coach
Module One: Logistics
a. 8 tele-classes of 90 minutes each
b. Required Reading (must purchase on your own)
i.
Choice Theory by William Glasser
ii.
The Ennegagram Made Easy by Renee Baron and Elizabeth Wagele
c. Study Buddy Call with one buddy for entire module 1 hour minimum
d. Optional expanded bibliography included

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Module Two: Coaching Teens, Parents and Families using The Parent as Coach Approach
You will be grounded in specific, proven coaching methodologies for families, parents, teens and
young adults. You will acquire new tools and programs that you'll be able to use immediately.
Using the Seven Ways to Coach from The Parent as Coach Approach
Understanding the differences between coaching teens, coaching parents and coaching
families together
Designing coaching programs for clients using outcome-based coaching methodologies
Creating your family coaching voice with advanced public speaking tools
Module Two: Logistics
a. 10 tele-classes of 90 minutes each to include lab time
b. Required reading or listening (included)
a. The Parent as Coach Approach - family coaching kit of 5 products (included in
tuition
b. The Parent as Coach Approach 4 week workbook (interactive)
c. The Parent as Coach Approach 2 hour training CD The Seven Ways to Coach
Module Three: Advanced Coaching Perspectives and Tools
Adapting your own voice to a matrix of coaching possibilities anchored on your philosophy of
coaching, The Parent as Coach Approach and new distinctions in advanced coaching
perspectives. Exploring subgroups for niche markets, examining distinctions in coaching
children, teens, parents and families and subgroups within.
Expanding on your existing professional capacity and incorporating leveragability into your
business model. Examining deeper perspectives relevant to coaching families - unique to the
coaching profession.
a. Teaching vs Coaching, Parenting vs Coaching, Outcome vs. Process
b. Coaching Children/Parents of Children
c. Exploring ADHD, Learning Disabilities, Single Parents, Divorced Parents, Blended and
Step Families, Multi-generational families, cultural distinctions
d. Family Coaching models and processes for specific use
e. Stretching yourself beyond where you are to rise to the challenges of family coaching
Module Three: Logistics
b. Required reading (must purchase on your own)
o Uncommon Sense for Parents of Teens by Michael Riera
o A Mind at a Time by Mel Levine MD
c. Buddy Study Call with one buddy for entire module 1 hour minimum
d. Optional expanded bibliography included

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Module Four: Application and Business

Your chosen or preferred application in the marketplace will be explored and you will begin to
put new tools and skills into your job or business as they relate to coaching teens, parents and/or
family groups. Your primary objective is to integrate your learning to date, which will support
your competence and most importantly your confidence in this area of focus.
a. Developing a core business plan or integration plan in your job/workplace.
b. Creating a viable message as you become a messenger.
c. Review and choice concerning multiple streams of revenue
d. Understanding potent, advanced marketing skills to attract your ideal clients
e. Creating a BRAND YOU approach to your coaching business/application
f. Understanding marketing vehicles vs. delivery vehicles and internet vs. belly to belly
g. Jumpstarting your business immediately for income potential with a Launch Plan
Module Four: Logistics
b. Required reading (must purchase on your own)
o Getting Business to Come to You 1998 by Paul and Sarah Edwards
d. Optional expanded bibliography and internet resources included

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CLASS #1 WHAT IS FAMILY COACHING?

Date:
Time:
Instructor:
___
______
Learning Outcome: Understand What is Family Coaching and What it is Not.

Four Distinctions of Family Coaching:

1. Coaching
2. Consulting
3. Teaching
4. Therapy

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NOTES

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ACTION STEPS
1. Buddy Call: Discuss with your buddy the following

a. How do I see these distinctions being relevant to my coaching?
b. How will I share these with my clients?
2. Read: Choice Theory Chapters 4 7 to be completed by next class
3. Write and Send into RCI and my buddy:
a. One page Learning Summary to include
i. What am I learning about these distinctions?
ii. What did I learn from my buddy?
iii. What am I already learning about myself?

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JOURNAL

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CLASS #2 FAMILY COACHING PHILOSOPHY

Date:
Time:
Instructor:
__
______
Learning Outcome: Learn the Philosophies Behind Family Coaching

FAMILY COACH TRAINING COACHING PHILOSOPHY

My Philosophy of Coaching recognizes that all people are essentially good and wish to
be good, happy and to be respected and acknowledged for who they are at the core.
As a coach I seek to help them maximize their potential. Awaken their human spirit. I
support, nourish, guide, comfort, heal and above all love all the while experiencing my
own growth as I respond to my clients as a mirror to my own journey.
As for the coach and client connection? In the midst of the chaos of day-to-day life with
tasks, to-do lists, paperwork, appointments, meetings, people to serve and to help, busy
lives to run, deadlines, and phone calls let there be moments of the day to connect
person-to-person in a way that uplifts the human heart beyond performance and
achievement into joy and love.
With this we can truly find success and peace in our work and our lives.
Diana Sterling, founder Family Coach Training
Coaches trained in the Family Coaching Approach deliver Coaching Programs to parents, teens,
families and youth professionals based on the philosophy that we first need to understand what
Human Beings are in order to coach them. From this place of understanding and learning, we
offer support, ideas, new perspectives, plans for moving forward, and a host of tools and formats
for helping people create fulfilling and meaningful lives.
Above all we offer love and compassion to all we serve and come in contact with. The
foundation of professional coaching has its roots in psychology, education, consulting, sports
coaching, philosophy, friendship and spirituality. Coaching is a partnership, a conversation and
an interaction that allows the client to feel empowered to:
Lead themselves in all walks of life

Become more self-aware
Self-correct and self-coach
Design for themselves a new direction or path
Take new actions with confidence in and competence for the future
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When to coach and how to coach are broad questions that the professional coach must learn to
distinguish by using personal know how, skill set, experience and wisdom. Certified Family
Coaches are professional coaches who access their own knowledge and wisdom, and
appropriately bring it forth with the client.
The language of coaching is developed within each coach with different applications discovered
over time. Coaching is not one-size-fits-all approach. It is ever evolving, as so are the coach and
the client. A successful coaching relationship requires that the coach have a generous tool kit of
assessments and skills and become competent in the use of them. These tools are designed for
the coach to learn about who the client is, how they are in the world, and what motivates them.
From this place, a powerful coaching relationship can take place. Academy for Family Coach
Training creates an environment whereby the coaches/staff and students are experiencing their
own successes, self-correcting as they go, and taking new actions that will sustain stated
outcomes; In effect, experiencing the positive benefits of being coached. A good coach is also
coach-able. The Family Coach Training Philosophy of coaching begins with the client having
stated outcomes that then are agreed upon by both the client and the coach.
The coach then designs a Coaching Program, based on their knowledge and insights, to help the
client reach the stated outcomes. A path is set and benchmarks are acknowledged. It is a
powerful partnership that creates real, tangible and measurable outcomes for the client.
Above all, trust, love and compassion are integral parts of the coaching partnership. Each coach
must develop their own inner capacity for the higher road of non-judgment and love, even in
the professional setting where action steps, tools and new paths are created. It is the coaches
responsibility to gather their own inner resources and strength to be able to powerfully connect
and offer their clients substantive material, courage and wisdom.

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ACADEMY FOR FAMILY COACH TRAINING COACHING STANDARDS

1. Know thyself.
2. Learn about human beings understand what they are and how they work.
3. Dont make assumptions and then coach from that (MSU)
4. Dont use blanket approaches in coaching with all people
5. Study constantly what it means to be human
6. Learn assessments to use internally with your own understanding
7. Understand the clients point of view
8. Learn the root cause of the situation as much as you can.
9. Only coach as far as you have taken your own development.
10. You cannot make someone do something, ever.
11. Learn the distinctions: external coercion vs. internal motivation.
12. Design outcomes together with clients.
13. Establish parameters for a Coaching Program.
14. Design the Coaching Program with stated outcomes in writing for a context of agreement.
15. Walk your talk BE a coach, dont DO coaching.
16. Keep your agreements and be your word
17. Hold yourself with the highest integrity as a coach/person in life
18. Make requests and not assumptions
19. Coach with love and compassion, which is more powerful than tips, techniques, tools and
questions.
20. Give insights, new distinctions and ideas for expansion, not advice or solutions.
21. Combine coaching carefully with other disciplines for effectiveness, such as training,
teaching, advising, mentoring, guiding, instructing, consulting, etc.
22. Always coach by permission.

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NOTES

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ACTION STEPS

a. Do I have a philosophy of life how do I feel about using the word philosophy
in my business?
b. How will I share the Family Coaching Philosophies with my clients?
2. Read: Choice Theory Chapters 8 - 11 to be completed by next class
i. Ideas about sharing Family Coaching Philosophies with others.
ii. What did I learn ABOUT my buddy?
iii. What values or philosophies do I already have in place about life, work,
relationships, families?

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JOURNAL

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CLASS #3 CHOICE THEORY AS A MODEL

Date:
Time:
Instructor:
___
______
Learning Outcome: Adapting a Primary Source to Family Coaching

We learn and grow in biological time.

James Flaherty, author of Coaching: Evoking Excellence
External Control Psychology vs. Choice Theory
Choice Theory is an internal control psychology; it explains why and how we make choices that
determine the course of our lives. William Glasser
Five Psychological Needs
1. Love and Belonging
2. Freedom
3. Power
4. Fun
5. Survival

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NOTES

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ACTION STEPS
1. Use the Choice Theory Handout to assess your own 5 psychological needs.
a. How can I use Choice Theory in my coaching?
b. How will I find this useful to me in my own family?
3. Read: Choice Theory Chapters 12 - 13 to be complete by next class
a. One page Self Assessment

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CHOICE THEORY SELF-ASSESSMENT OF FIVE PSYCHOLOGICAL NEEDS

Credit to Dr. William Glasser, author of Choice Theory
Rate your own score for each of these psychological needs on a scale of 1 10; 1 being the
weakest and 10 being the strongest. Then write a short paragraph as to how this shows up in
your life.
1. Love and Belonging
10
2. Freedom
10
3. Power /Control
10
4. Fun
10
5. Survival
10

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JOURNAL

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CLASS #4 OUTCOME BASED COACHING

Date:
Time:
Instructor:
___
______
Learning Outcome: Family Coaching Outcome Based Coaching Program

The Outcome Based Coaching Model

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NOTES

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ACTION STEPS
1. Share this model with one person you trust who is not a coach.
a. Repeat the train model to practice enrolling your buddy.
b. Take each a turn to practice this.
3. Read: Enneagram Made Easy to be completed by next class
i. What happened when I shared this with someone I trust?
ii. What did I LEARN from or about my buddy?

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JOURNAL

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CLASS #5 ASSESSMENT MODELS

Date:
Time:
Instructor:
___
______
Learning Outcome: How to incorporate Assessment Models into your coaching and how to use
the Enneagram
[ Credit to Tracy Tresidder,PCC and RCI Family Coaching Trainer for her contribution of the
following Enneagram resources. ]
THE ENNEAGRAM - AN ASSESSMENT TOOL

We can learn to listen to another persons point of view if we understand their point of view.
Diana Sterling
The Enneagram is an ancient spiritual tool for understanding oneself and others. It is the study of
nine basic types of people. It explains our reasons for certain behaviors and points to specific
directions for individual growth. It is an important tool for improving relationships with family,
friends and co-workers. It is an essential coaching tool.
www.enneagraminstitute.com
www.9types.com

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THE ENNEAGRAM AS A COACHING TOOL

"Always remember that when the shadows in ourselves are touched by the light of awareness,
they become doors through which grace transforms our lives.
Riso, D. (1992), Enneagram Transformations
The primary use for the Enneagram is for self-discovery and personal growth. The Enneagram
helps bring to light what was formerly hidden from usto "make the unconscious conscious," as
Freud put it. The purpose of the Enneagram is to point out to us the patterns of distortions and
illusions that we mistakenly take to be ourselves. It is a tool for self-realization and selfactualization.
When you know your own Enneagram style you can get out of your own way. You can make
conscious choices instead of acting on automatic pilot. Most importantly, you can act with
passion, compassion and clear intent. As a coach it is important to recognize the automatic
patterns associated with the nine personality types as yours is likely to show up in your coaching
style. By learning about the Enneagram you will discover that you have a much broader range of
responses rather than being on automatic. Acting upon this discovery allows you to be more
attuned to yourself and your clients.
The Enneagram teaches us in practical ways to see the world as others see it. You can then
appreciate what others value and what they do not, and why they think, feel and act the way they
do. When you know the Enneagram style of the people you coach, and/or the people in your life,
you can respond to their intent, instead of getting caught in their sometimes difficult or
confounding behavior. You can nurture their fundamental strengths, and know in what situations
they are likely to be rigid or unskillful. You can serve up your words and wisdom in a way that it
can be heard, and you can inspire them from the inside out. You will discover what is going on
underneath the clients spoken and unspoken words and actions and be able to select coaching
strategies that will help free your client from their own blind spots.
YOUR BASIC PERSONALITY TYPE
From one point of view, the Enneagram can be seen as a set of nine distinct personality types,
with each number on the Enneagram denoting one type. It is common to find a little of yourself
in all nine of the types, although one of them should stand out as being closest to yourself. This
is your basic personality type.

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Everyone emerges from childhood with one of the nine types dominating their personality, with
inborn temperament and other pre-natal factors being the main determinants of our type. This is
one area where most all of the major Enneagram authors agreewe are born with a dominant
type. Subsequently, this inborn orientation largely determines the ways in which we learn to
adapt to our early childhood environment. It also seems to lead to certain unconscious
orientations toward our parental figures, but why this is so, we still do not know. In any case, by
the time children are four or five years old, their consciousness has developed sufficiently to
have a separate sense of self. Although their identity is still very fluid, at this age children begin
to establish themselves and find ways of fitting into the world on their own. Thus, the overall
orientation of our personality reflects the totality of all childhood factors (including genetics) that
influenced its development. Several more points can be made about the basic type itself.
1. People do not change from one basic personality type to another.
2. The descriptions of the personality types are universal and apply equally to males and
females, since no type is inherently masculine or feminine.
3. Not everything in the description of your basic type will apply to you all the time because
you fluctuate constantly among the healthy, average, and unhealthy traits that make up
your personality type.
4. The Enneagram uses numbers to designate each of the types because numbers are value
neutral they imply the whole range of attitudes and behaviors of each type without
specifying anything either positive or negative. Unlike the labels used in psychiatry,
numbers provide an unbiased, shorthand way of indicating a lot about a person without
being pejorative.
5. The numerical ranking of the types is not significant. A larger number is no better than a
smaller number; it is not better to be a Nine than a Two because nine is a bigger number.
6. No type is inherently better or worse than any other. While all the personality types have
unique assets and liabilities, some types are often more desirable than others in any given
culture or group. Furthermore, for one reason or another, you may not be happy being a
particular type. You may feel that your type is "handicapped" in some way. As you learn
more about all the types, you will see that just as each has unique capacities, each has
different limitations. If some types are more esteemed in Western society than others, it is
because of the qualities that society rewards, not because of any superior value of those
types. The ideal is to become your best self, not to imitate the assets of another type.

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THE TYPES AS FUNCTIONS

Each of the personality types embodies a wide range of behaviors and attitudes. Each of the
types can be seen as a metaphor or symbol of the full range of human potential. Seen this way,
the nine personality types of the Enneagram are psychological "functions" or "domains" of an
archetypal power or capacity of human nature. One reason we are all similar is that all nine
functions operate in each of us. One reason we are all different is that their proportion and
balance within our psyches is different and constantly shifting.
Don Riso and Russ Hudson have used two main words to describe each function (see
Discovering Your Personality Type, p. 80-83) because each personality type represents two
major areas of activitya Function that characterizes an internally held attitude of the type, and
a function that characterizes the type's observable behavior.
IN THE FEELING TRIAD:
Type Two: The Helper
The functions of Empathy and Altruism the potential for other-directedness,
thoughtfulness for others, genuine self-sacrifice, generosity, and nurturance. Negatively,
the potential for intrusiveness, possessiveness, manipulation, and self-deception.
Type Three: The Achiever
The functions of Self-Esteem and Self-Development the potential for ambition, selfimprovement, personal excellence, professional competence, self-assurance, and social
self-distinction. Negatively, the potential for pragmatic calculation, arrogant narcissism,
the exploitation of others, and hostility.
Type Four: The Individualist/Creative
The functions of Self-Awareness and Artistic Creativity the potential for intuition,
sensitivity, individualism, self-expression, and self-revelation. Negatively, the potential
for self-absorption, self-consciousness, self-doubt, self-inhibition, and depression.
IN THE THINKING TRIAD:
Type Five: The Investigator/Observer
The functions of Mental Focus and Expert Knowledge the potential for curiosity,
perceptiveness, the acquisition of knowledge, inventive originality, and technical
expertise. Negatively, the potential for speculative theorizing, emotional detachment,
eccentricity, social isolation, and mental projections.
Type Six: The Loyalist/Questioner
The functions of Trust and Perseverance the potential for emotional bonding with
others, group identification, sociability, industriousness, loyalty to others, and
commitment to larger efforts. Negatively, the potential for dependency, ambivalence,
rebelliousness, anxiety, and inferiority feelings.
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Type Seven: The Enthusiast/Adventurer

The functions of Spontaneity and Diverse Activity the potential for enthusiasm,
productivity, achievement, skill acquisition, and the desire for change and variety.
Negatively, the potential for hyperactivity, superficiality, impulsiveness, excessiveness,
and escapism.
IN THE INSTINCTIVE TRIAD:
Type Eight: The Challenger
The functions of Self-Assertion and Leadership the potential for self-confidence, selfdetermination, self-reliance, magnanimity, and the ability to take personal initiative.
Negatively, the potential for domination of others, crude insensitivity, combativeness,
and ruthlessness.
Type Nine: The Peacemaker
The functions of Receptivity and Interpersonal Mediation the potential for emotional
stability, acceptance, unself-consciousness, emotional and physical endurance, and
creating harmony with others. Negatively, the potential for passivity, disengaged
emotions and attention, neglectfulness, and mental dissociation.
Type One: The Perfectionist/Reformer
The functions of Ethical Standards and Responsibility the potential for moderation,
conscience, maturity, self-discipline, and delayed gratification. Negatively; the potential
for rigid self-control, impersonal perfectionism, judgmentalism, and self-righteousness.
THE NINE TYPES AS PARENTS
You may recognize yourself in these brief stories and descriptions.
Type One Perfectionist Parents
Though firmness and structure can help children feel secure, some One-parents could use
more flexibility. Johnny's One-mother had felt deprived of consistency in her own
childhood. Since her work hours were irregular, she was afraid this might be upsetting
her son in the same way. She stewed about it for a long time and finally got up the
courage to talk to him about it. It relieved her to find out that he was more flexible than
she and he liked having his days different from one another. Adults who were raised by a
One-parent often appreciated their parents' reliability but thought they were too critical.
A Perfectionist parent may demand self-control, reasonableness, regularity, and the
ability to delay rewards that their child be a Little Adult.
Type Two Helper Parents
Twos usually enjoy their children, like being parents, and encourage their childrens
interests. Because theyre so involved, sometimes they do too much for their children
instead of allowing the children to make mistakes and learn for themselves. Two-Helpers
have trouble saying how they really feel or saying things that should be said but seem too
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negative, so they often manipulate their kids into doing what they want. Adults who were
raised by a two-parent are divided between those who appreciated their attentiveness and
involvement in their lives and those who felt smothered. A Helper Parent may demand
generosity, thoughtfulness, helpfulness, and attention to others that their child be a
Little Helper.
Type Three Achiever Parents
A lot of parents, especially Threes, want their children to have Three-like qualities: energy,
confidence, drive, and optimism. They think that if the children are cheerleaders, presidents
of the class, and professionals they'll be successful and happy. But children come with their
own personalities and can be successful in many different ways. It's helpful for Threes to
look for and encourage the talents and interests in their children that are different from
their own. Adults who are success oriented by nature appreciate what they learned from
their Three-parents. Others experienced their Three-parents as too frenetic or pushy, and
they complain their parents didn't spend enough time with them. An Achiever Parent may
demand being outstanding at tasks, fulfilling family hopes, physical perfection, and
popularity that their child be a Little Star.
Type Four Individualist/Romantic Parents
While Fours have a lot to give in terms of insight, creativity, and warmth, they also need to
support their children's interests, whatever they are. Fours can emotionally overwhelm
children who are not at home in their world of feelings. Most kids won't be as sensitive as
they are. Adults who were raised by Four-parents often say they were charmed and
fascinated by their parents or frightened of their emotionality and gloominess. Four parents
often say they are overwhelmed by the beauty and wonder, and sometimes pathos, of
having a child. An Individualist Parent may demand sensitivity, artistic creativity,
emotional depth, and understanding that their child be a Little Therapist.
Type Five Observer Parents
Its sometimes difficult for Fives to disengage from their own projects or thoughts and join
in on the childs frequency. Five-Observer parents need to be careful, if their minds are on
something else, not to become irritable or too authoritarian with their kids. Since Fives tend
to compartmentalize, perhaps theyd feel comfortable setting aside a chunk of time each
day for being truly present with their child. Adults who had Five-parents sometimes say
their parents remoteness and negativity bothered them, but they enjoyed the Fives
whimsical humor. Fives sometimes say their children interested them more as they grew
into the teens and could discuss more complicated things. An Observer Parent may demand
independence, studiousness, intellectual gifts, and curiosity that their child be a Little
Genius.
Type Six Questioner/Loyalist Parents
Six parents are very loyal, but they may be overprotective. It takes a lot of courage for Sixparents to let their children out in the world where the dangers are, but kids are safer when
they learn to solve their own problems. Six parents need to monitor their tendency to take
the devil's advocate position, for this can erode children's confidence. The same is true with
sarcasm and teasing. Adults who had phobic Six-parents say the parents' constant fretting
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got on their nerves. Those who had counter-phobic parents often thought their parents were
too hard on them and expected too much. Both types of Sixes were said to have been
devoted parents. A Questioner Parent may demand dependability, obedience, perseverance,
and trustworthiness that their child be a Little Trouper.
Type Seven Adventurer/Enthusiast Parents
Sevens like having playful children. But if the children are very serious, worried, or
aggressive, Seven-parents have to make big adjustments. Nancy, a Seven, took her Eightish baby on a trip to a foreign country, and he had a difficult time adapting to traveling
around. She and her husband decided it would be best to spend the last half of the trip in
one place. If being with small children feels restrictive, Seven-parents might consider
taking up some new interests that they can do safely at home and that can be interrupted.
Adults who had Seven-parents were sometimes confused by their parents' irregular hours at
home but often enjoyed their stories and jokes. Some complain that their parents wanted
too much attention for themselves or didn't listen to other people. An Adventurer Parent
may demand vitality, good humor, resilience, and spontaneity that their child be a Little
Entertainer.
Type Eight Asserter Parents
Eight parents are protective and can be good role models for taking action and having
confidence. They need to be aware that anger can devastate children, and they need to try
not to impose their will on them. Eights can have a difficult time adjusting to their children
and perceiving how they are different from themselves. It is helpful to look for qualities in
their children they may not be used to thinking of as strengths, such as the ability to back
down or to show vulnerability. Adults who had Eight-parents react differently according to
their type. Judy, a Seven-daughter, was closely bound to her Eight-father. He loved to
show her off, play with her, and teach her songs as a young child. Later, he championed
her singing and acting career.
An Asserter Parent may demand toughness, self-sufficiency, courage, and willpower that
their child be a Little Entrepreneur.
Type Nine Peacemakers Parents
Many Nines have a knack for being able to perceive and enter the world of a child. They
can provide enormous warmth and understanding. Nine-parents may need to work on
following through with their children and being able to say no. Rather than always
negotiating, they need to take a definite stand and uphold a position of authority. Adults
who had Nine-parents often say that they and their parents seemed merged. They say this
felt secure, but making a separation was often problematic. Children of Nines appreciate
their parents flexibility in going along with and contributing to whatever interest they
took up. A Peacemaker Parent may demand quietness, lack of demands, gentleness, and
non-neediness that their child be a Little Angel. One of the best attitudes for parents to
have toward their children is an amazed curiosity to support the childs own unfolding. In
childrearing, only one thing is certain: children will develop in unexpected ways. If
parents try to block the childs natural unfolding, they will not succeed. The unfolding
will not stop but merely become distorted and neurotic. It is therefore always best for the
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parent to observe the childs type (with its innate gifts and capacities) and to elicit the
best aspects of the childs type rather than try to change him or her into someone
fundamentally different from who he or she already is.

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CHILDREN AND THE ENNEAGRAM

The Nine Types as Children
Type One - The Perfectionist
As a child they can be self critical and judgmental of themselves and others. They will
always want to do well and will strive for A's in all subjects; anything less and they will
be upset. When parenting a 1 give them lots of reassurance and help them see that they
are perfect just as they are.
Type Two - The Helper
As a child they want to be of assistance to everyone and want to be liked. They can mask
their own feelings and needs. They always want to offer their help and support. They put
themselves at the bottom of the list and have problems saying No. As a parent we need to
teach them to receive as well as give. They need to know it is OK to express their own
feelings and accept help from others
Type Three - The Achiever
This child is likely to do well in school; they like to look good and are likely to do well in
sport. They are very competitive and do not like failure. They measure themselves by
their successes and feel unworthy if they do not achieve. As a parent we need to get the
achiever to slow down and let them know they do not have to be the best at everything.
They need to begin to listen to their feelings and stop doing so much.
Type Four - The Individualist/Romantic
These children are very sensitive and can be very dramatic. They fell they are special and
unique and they want others to notice them. They do not like to be ordinary and they
often feel that they are misunderstood. They can be very moody and dwell on their
emotions. As parents we need to acknowledge them as sensitive individuals and support
them in sensing this in others. Parents need to help them make connections with others
and come to terms with their emotions and feelings so the down times are not so bad.
Type Five - The Observer/Investigator
These children are curious and have an understanding of everything. They can be shy and
withdrawn, have trouble making friends and can be considered as nerdy. They love detail
and dissect everything into minute detail. They are pre-occupied with things over people.
They live in their head and as parents we need to have them be in touch with their
emotions. They are unlikely to be athletic.

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Type Six - The Loyalist/Questioner

As a child they want security and are afraid of conformation so will do anything to avoid
it. They do not like the unknown and do not like things to be different. They can also
have problems with authority. They are likely to ask for advice a lot and never look
inside for the answers. They want to do the right thing and they do not trust easily- they
like to be in places that feel safe. They must believe they can trust their parents
consistently. As a parent you need to teach them to relax, let down their own defenses
and let them know they are good as they are. They do well to learn how to sort out their
own battles.
Type Seven - The Adventurer/Enthusiast
This child will seek everything that is new and fun. They have a sort attention span and
move from one thing to another. They are not comfortable thinking about their emotions
and think life is a party. They can typical find school a challenging environment as it
squashes their creativity and freedom. Parents can support them by encouraging them to
stick with something and finish it and listen to their emotions.
Type Eight - The Asserter
These children can come across as aggressive; they do anything to avoid been venerable.
They are loud children and take up space. They have a "Don't mess with me" attitude and
can resort to violence. They do not like to be dependent and will protect those less
powerful then themselves. They need to be taught how to use their power in a
constructive way. They have a great sense of justice and fairness and parents have
pointed out that where they may not be fair is a learning opportunity for them. They need
to relax more. It is important for this child to have a voice in the house and be heard.
Type Nine - The Peacemaker
These children just want everyone to be happy and will often be the mediators. They are
likely to follow the crowd and not make their own decisions and will avoid conflict and
any cost, even distancing themselves from the situation - removing themselves and
becoming detached. They are uncomfortable with tension. They can fall asleep on
themselves and become lazy. They need to find passion and strength and learn to engage
with the real world.
These notes were taken from a call with Dr. Lorraine Cassista who can be found at
www.creatingmylife.com

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HOW THE NINE STYLES COMMUNICATE

From Bringing out the best in yourself at work Ginger Lapid-Bogda
Erect posture, taught muscles, eyes

focused. Clothing well co-ordinated and
pressed
Appear critical, impatient or angry. Tenacious

regarding their own opinion
Being criticized by someone else.

Preoccupation with their own ideas. In the Ones
view are other people behaving correctly and
responsibly
Precise, direct, exacting, concise and

detailed. Share task-related thought. Use
words such as should, ought must, correct,
excellent, good, wrong and right. React
quickly to ideas. Defensive if criticized.
Ask questions, give compliments, focus on Smiling and comfortable. Relaxed facial A secondary or hidden intention may lie beneath Whether the person likes them. Whether they
content of other person, few references to
expressions. Open, graceful body
their generosity, helpfulness and attention giving. like the other person. Whether they want to help
self, soft voice. Angry or complaining when movement. When agitated, furrowed brow If uninterested in the other person, disengage
the other person. The degree of influence the
they dislike what others say.
and facial tension.
precipitously.
other person has.
Clear, efficient, logical and well conceived.

Look put together, appear confident.
Impatient when they perceive others as not
Whether the information will make them look
Quick on their feet. Avoid topics in which Breathe deeply into their chest area. Keep
capable. Avoid discussing their own failings. good. Whether the information will interfere with
they have limited information. Avoid topics shoulders high. Actions may appear staged
Appear driven. Seem to rush or dismiss others.
their goal achievement. The apparent
that reflect negatively on them. Use
for effect. Look around to check the
May appear abrupt or insincere.
confidence and competence of the other person.
concrete examples.
reactions of others.
Use words like I, me, my and mine
Pull the conversation back to themselves using
Intense, urgent. Appear to be focused
frequently. Talk about self. Discuss feelings.
self-referencing behaviour. Need to fully complete Personal rejection. Being slighted or demeaned.
inward as if analyzing the words they say.
Share personal and /or painful stories. Ask
a conversation even when the other person no
Not wanting to appear defective. Being
Communicate that they want undivided
personal questions. Word choice may be
longer wants to discuss an issue. May appear
misunderstood.
attention. Eyes may appear moist or sad.
deliberate.
overly dramatic or contrived.
Demands and expectations. Feeling
Speak tersely or in length discourse. Highly
May not exhibit warmth. May appear remote or
Express thoughts with limited emotional
inadequate. Overwhelming emotions from the
selective word choice. Limited sharing of
aloof. May say too much and lose listeners. May
content. Appear self contained and self
other person. Trust in the other person to
personal information. Share thought rather
use few too words and so may no be understood
controlled with unanimated body language
maintain privacy. Physical proximity that feels
than feelings
by others. May appear condescending or elitist
too close.
Negative scenarios appear to others as
negativism, pessimism and a cant do
orientation. Self doubt and worry can cause
others to question the sixs competence.
Whether others use of authority is proper or

improper. Projection of thoughts and feelings
onto the other person. Issues of trust related to
the other person.
They may not have absorbed all the information

Quick and spontaneous, with words
Smiling and bright eyed. Sharp tone of
Having their competence demeaned. Think they
and knowledge they believe they have mastered.
released in a flurry. Tell engaging stories.
voice when angry. Highly animated face
know what the other person is going to say so
Fail to see that their own behaviour causes
Shift from topic to topic. Upbeat and
and numerous hand and arm gestures. May
they stop listening. The possibility of having
others to take them less seriously. Constant
charming. Avoid negative topics about
walk around and pace while speaking.
limits placed on them. Being forced into a long
shifting of ideas and animated body language can
themselves. Reframe negative information.
Easily distracted.
term commitment they do not want.
be distracting to others.
Bold and Authoritative. Big picture and
Many people, not just timid individual become
strategic. Statements designed to structure
intimidated by them. Their energy is far stronger
Have a strong physical presence even
or control the situation. Impatient with detail.
that they realise, even when they are holding Protecting others the eight believes truly needs
when they are silent. Modulate voice tone
Raise the intensity of their language until
back. Not everyone is capable of grasping the big protecting. Weakness in others. Control issues.
for maximum impact. Give intense non
they get a response from the other person.
picture as quickly as eights can. Their
Truthfulness. Feeling blamed.
verbal cues.
May display anger directly. May use
vulnerability may show at times when they are
profanity or body-based humour.
not aware of it.
9. PACEMAKER
7. ADVENTURER
Start with analytical comments. Alternate Eyes may be bold and direct. May appear
syncopated, hesitant speech with bold, warm, engaging and empathic. Alternatively
confident speech. Discuss worries,
eyes may dart back and forth horizontally
concerns and what ifs.
as if scanning for danger.
8. ASSERTER
6. LOYALIST
1. PERFECTIONIST
Distorting Filter
2. HELPER
Blind Spot
3. ACHIEVER
Body Language
4. ROMANTIC
Speaking Style
5. OBSERVER
Style
Give highly detailed information in a

sequential style. Make the effort to be fair
and present all sides. May say yes but
mean no. Use agree words, such as yes
and uh-huh.
Prolonged explanations cause the listener to lose Demands on them to change or do something.
Easy going and relaxed. Smiling. Few
interest. Present multiple viewpoints which
Being criticized, ignored or put down. Someone
displays of strong emotion, particularly
negatively affect their degree of influence and
having an opposing view to their own. The
negative feelings. Face rather than body is
possibly their credibility. Fail to make true wants possibility that anger from another person will
animated
know to others
be directed at them.

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Reading to have Completed Enneagram Made Easy
NOTES

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ACTION STEPS

a. What have I learned about myself via the Enneagram?
b. How will I share these with my clients?
2. Research: www.enneagram institute.com for further exploration
i. How do I see this being valuable to my coaching business?
ii. What did I LEARN about my buddy?

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EXPANDED BIBILOGRAPHY ENNEAGRAM

BENNETT, J.G.
Enneagram Studies.
York Beach, Maine: Samuel Weiser, Inc., 1988.
Paperback, 145 pages. $7.95. Item No. 1569.
BEESING, MARIA; NOGOSEK, ROBERT J.; AND O'LEARY, PATRICK.
The Enneagram: A Journey of Self-Discovery.
Denville, N.J.: Dimension Books, 1984.
BERGIN, EILIS AND EDDIE FITZGERALD.
An Enneagram Guide: A Spirituality of Love in Brokenness.
Mystic, CT: Twenty-Third Publications, 1993. Paperback, 128 pages. $8.95.
BLAKE, A. G. E.
The Intelligent Enneagram.
Boston: Shambhala Publications, Inc., 1996. Paperback, 416 pages. $19.00.
BRADY, LORETTA.
Beginning Your Enneagram Journey: With Self-observation.
Allen, Texas: Tabor Publishing, 1994. Paperback, 144 pages.
CALLAHAN, WILLIAM J.
The Enneagram for Youth.
Chicago: Loyola University Press, 1992.
CONDON, THOMAS.
The Dynamic Enneagram: How to Work With Your Personality Style to Truly Grow and
Change (Vol. 1).
Metamorphous Press, 2002. Paperback. $18.95.
Enneagram Movie and Video Guide: How to See Personality Types in the Movies. 2nd edition.
Metamorphous Press, 1999. Paperback, 249 pages. $14.95.
DANIELS, DAVID.
The Essential Enneagram: The Definitive Personality Test and Self-Discovery Guide.
Harper San Francisco, 2000. Paperback, 128 pages. $10.00.
FAUVRE, KATHERINE CHERNICK.
Enneastyle: The 9 Languages Of Enneagram Type: Motivations of Image Inherent To
Enneagram Type.
Enneagram Explorations, 1995. Spiral-bound, 38 pages. $35.00.

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GOLDBERG, MICHAEL J.
Getting Your Boss's Number: And Many Other Ways To Use The Enneagram At Work.
San Francisco: Harper San Francisco, 1996. Cloth, 288 pages.
Goldberg, a Point Seven on the Enneagram, is a management consultant in Southern
California.
The 9 Ways of Working: How to Use the Enneagram to Discover Your Natural Strengths and
Work More Effectively.
Marlowe & Co., 1999. Paperback, 345 pages. $14.95.
HANNAN, PETER.
Nine Faces of God.
Dublin: Columbia Press, 1992.
HURLEY, KATHLEEN V. AND THEODORE E. DOBSON
What's My Type?: Use the Enneagram System of 9 Personality Types to Discover Your Best
Self.
New York: Harper & Row, 1991. Paperback, 208 pages. $13.00.
My Best Self: Using the Enneagram to Free the Soul.
San Francisco: HarperSan Francisco, 1993. Paperback, 304 pages. $12.00.
ICHAZO, OSCAR.
Between Metaphysics and Protoanalysis: A Theory for Analyzing the Human Psyche.
New York: Arica Institute Press, 1982.
Interviews with Oscar Ichazo.
New York: Arica Institute Press, 1982.
KEYES, MARGARET FRINGS.
Emotions and The Enneagram: Working Through your Shadow Life Script.
Muir Beach, CA: Molysdatur, 1992. Paperback, 184 pages. $14.95.
The Enneagram Cats of Muir Beach.
Muir Beach, CA: Molysdatur Publications, 1990. Paperback, 98 pages. $9.95.
A cute story and effective in presenting the types.
The Enneagram In Psychodrama: Working with the Shadow Side of Human Nature.
San Francisco: Molysdatur Publications, 1994. Video, 40 minutes, color. $34.95.
Enneagram Personalities At A Glance.
Muir Beach, CA: Molysdatur Publications, 1991.
A laminated chart/study guide. $6.95. Item No. 1349. - This is an 8-1/2 by 11-inch laminated
chart packed with data about each of the Enneagram types. A handy ready reference but
short on reading material.
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The Enneagram Relationship Workbook: A Self and Partnership Assessment Guide.

Muir Beach, CA Molysdatur, 1992. Paperback, 184 pages. $14.95. Item No. 1295.
The Partnership Path To Self Knowledge.
Muir Beach, CA: Molysdatur Publications, 1991. A laminated chart/study guide. $6.95.
LINDEN, ANNE AND MURRAY SPALDING.
The Enneagram and NLP: A Journey of Evolution.
Portland, Oregon: Metamorphous Press, 1994. Paperback, 241 pages. $15.95.
METZ, BARBARA AND BURCHILL, JOHN.
The Enneagram and Prayer: Discovering Our True Selves Before God.
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MAITRI, SANDRA.
The Spiritual Dimension of the Enneagram: Nine Faces of the Soul.
J. P. Tarcher, 2001. Paperback, 319 pages. $14.95.
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Naranjo, perhaps more than any other contemporary writer, may be credited with
popularizing the Enneagram though he would disdain such a thought. Just about ever other
teacher, lecturer and writer on the Enneagram can trace their introduction to the system to
Naranjos first study groups, which were conducted in the early 70s in Berkeley, California.
Character and Neurosis: An Integrative View.
Nevada City, CA: Gateways/IDHHB, Inc., 1994. Paperback, 352 pages. 18.95.
Technically, this may be the most useful discussion of the fine points of the Enneagram for
the serious student.
Enneatypes In Psychotherapy.
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Nine Portraits of Jesus: Discovering Jesus Through the Enneagram.

OLSON, ROBERT, PH.D.
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JOURNAL

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Date:
Time:
Instructor:
___
______
Learning Outcome: Beginning to apply the Enneagram as a Coaching Tool

The Enneagram as Coaching Tool

Developed at an ICF Conference Workshop
Questions to help each type develop their sense of self
FEELING TRIAD: Type Two, Three, Four
Type Two The Helper/Carer
Do you have difficulty saying no?
How do you take of yourself?
What have you done for yourself today?
What would it take to make your needs a priority?
How do you make yourself count versus discounting?
What are my red flags?
What is it that you want?
How do you restore yourself?
What is the difference between self care and selfish?
And some more questions to help you with this type of client:
How often do you feel the need to people please?
Do you find yourself denying, or justifying, your own degree of people-pleasing?
Do you tend to flatter others in order to attempt to get them to like you?
Do you give money or do special favors?
How do you feel when the tables are turned and others are flattering or attempting to
please you?
How do I know that I am loved?
Do you ever compile a daily list of things you need to do for yourself?
How hard would that be?
Type Three - The Achiever
What is the impact of being competitive?
How can you find joy in the journey?
What are you missing out on?
When is good enough good enough?
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In what ways do you see yourself as success-driven and competitive?
Why do you hold the goals that you are pursuing?
Have you ever gotten into projects that you were not really interested in because of the
need to excel or compete?
What do you think would happen if you took your feet off the accelerator a little bit?
How do you deal with the fear or anxiety that comes up when you compare yourself to
someone else?
Type Four Individualist Creative
Tell me what you like about yourself?
At What times do theses feelings come up in a positive sense?
How can we add more of that to your life?
If you were your happiest creative self what would you be doing, thinking, feeling?
How do you feel about being criticized?
When you feel vulnerable do you withdraw?
What is your personal baseline mood most of the time?
How do you react if you are spontaneously not in that mood?
Notice any tendency to run a commentary on your feelings and experiences, as if asking
yourself, What does this experience mean about me?
Notice your tendency to automatically focus on your differences with people?
What does this cost you in terms of your connectedness with others?
THE THINKING TRIAD: Types Five, Six and Seven
Type Five The Thinker/Observer
What excites you?
Do you follow through?
When we are in our heads how much of your environment do you notice?
See what you missed or overlooked?
Do you ever notice your dependency on certain areas of interest?
How does this area of expertise make you feel about yourself?
How does it feel to relate to others without discussing your areas of expertise?
Are you focusing on your niche to the exclusion of developing some of these other areas?
When are you most effective?
Type Six Loyalist
Do you question the decisions you make
Tell me what plays in your mind when confronted with situations?
Do you tend to support yourself or do you challenge yourself?
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How often do you err on the side of caution?
How many possibilities for self-development and fulfillment do you miss?
How many times in your life did you let significant opportunities for growth and
challenge pass you by? Why did you decided to let them go?
Would belief in your own abilities have changed the outcome?
Recall some times when you did fly against commonsense and took a chance?
Was it a conscious choice? What was the outcome? How did you feel at the time?
Are there areas in your life now where you know that you are resisting your true desires
out of fear or doubts about yourself? What can you do differently?
Type Seven The Adventurer
What would peace look like for you?
What happened last time you got too busy?
What would you like that you dont have in your life?
What/how would you like things to be different from your life one year from now
Who could you look to for support?
How do you tend to sabotage yourself?
When you catch yourself entertaining others, getting the juice flowing, so to speak, notice
whom you are doing this for?
What does this excited state do for your contact with yourself?
With others?
Is it satisfying?
Is it possible to drop one or two activities per day to give yourself a little breathing room
and to ensure that you will be able to fully enjoy the experiences you have committed to?
Are you more serious about the excitement of having new plans and possibilities than the
excitement of the process and satisfaction of finishing them?
To what degree are you addicted to staying on the move at the expense of actually
accomplishing something important to yourself?
THE INSTINCTIVE TRIAD: Types Eight, Nine and One
Type Eight The Asserter
How does it feel to lose control?
How do you manage your will to dominate?
How often do you depend on others? How does it feel?
Do you ever put yourself under tremendous pressure to provide for others, to be strong
for them, to never cry, show weakness, doubt or have indecision?
Explore the various circumstances in which you have put yourself under this kind of
pressure? Who were you doing it for? Was the outcome worth the effort?
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What do you think would have happened if you had been a little easier on yourself?
How often are you reactive to situations?
How could you act on impulse in a more relaxing quiet manner?
Type Nine Peacemaker

How do you deal with conflict?
What do you do to relax?
Whats the outcome of the way you deal with conflict?
Anger: how do you understand and express it?
How do you assert yourself?
Think of times in which you went along with the plans, preferences, or choices of others
and submerged your own choices? What did this do to your sense of involvement?
Make a list of things in your life that excite you? Dont edit yourself
What steps could you take to become more like that person? This week? This year?
What kind of person would you be if you could?
Are you aware that you may have checked out in your life?
What sort of early warning system could you use to prevent you from shutting down
again in the future?
Type One The Perfectionist
What does the word perfectionist mean to you?
What would you do if you could not fail?
What would happen in you failed or were wrong?
How is this issue a reflection of your personality?
What is great about you?
In what aspects of your life do you feel the need to do the right thing?
Do you notice this pattern in yourself?
What situations, specifically are you likely to bring this up?
When this occurs, what opinions are you holding about others?
In what way are you disappointed in yourself?
What standards are you measuring everything against?
Do you ever question and examine the nature of these standards and their effect on you
and the other people in your life?
When do you find yourself becoming frantic about some goal you have set, stop and ask
yourself what is really at stake?

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NOTES

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ACTION STEPS
1. Practice: Enroll a practice parent client someone who may be curious about what you
are up to with Family Coaching who is not familiar with the Enneagram.
Ask this person to take the test either on line or with the book. DO NOT TYPE THEM
YOURSELF you are empowering them to catch onto themselves.
Allow this to unfold over a day or two. After they take the test, conduct a session
without coaching just stay curious and ask them what they learned about themselves.
Do not try to coach them into a new place.that comes later. Observe yourself using this
tool.
a. Share your practice session with your buddy and insights?
b. Discuss how you see using this tool in your coaching.
i. What am I learning about these distinctions?
ii. What did I LEARN from my buddy?

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JOURNAL

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CLASS #7 MY COACHING PHILOSOPHY

Date:
Time:
Instructor:
___
______
Learning Outcome: Tying together past experience and new learning to form your own
personal voice or philosophy of coaching
This above all: to thine own self be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!
Polonius Hamlet Act 1, scene 3, 7882 William Shakespeare
"A philosophy is the expression of a man's inner character." -William James
1. What is a well-articulated philosophy of coaching?
2. Why is this important?
3. What other professionals and professions use this term?
4. What is philosophy?
a. Core Set of non-negotiable beliefs
b. Philo knowledge
c. Sophia wisdom
d. An attitude, way of life, or thinking pattern that informs your actions.
5. Why should we have a philosophy of coaching specifically a family coaching
philosophy?
6. What is different about a philosophy of life vs a family coaching philosophy?
7. A philosophy of coaching, or family coaching WILL INFORM your practice. It will
assist you in coaching moments with endless creativity with healthy boundaries, intuition
and proper choice of thinking and speaking. It will direct your practice of
coaching.hence it will direct your business direction.

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NOTES

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ACTION STEPS
1. Research; Broaden your thinking about a philosophy of life by reading/studying the

following links.
http://www.celt.iastate.edu/teaching/philosophy.html
http://www.atlassociety.org/why_does_anyone_need_philosophy
http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/SiteMapICPhilos.html
Google Christian Philosophy, philosophers, history of philosophy, etc
2. Write: Write out your one to two paragraph philosophy of coaching statement.
Remember this is not an expose of coaching is.. Start your sentence with this; My
philosophy of coaching
a. Read your Philosophy of Coaching to your buddy encourage and uplift.
b. Discuss how you see yourself sharing these with your clients.
a. My Philosophy of Family Coaching

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JOURNAL

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CLASS #8 SYNTHESIS AND INTEGRATION

Date:
Time:
Instructor:
___
______
Learning Outcome: Synthesize Family Coaching to date. Explore integration into your
coaching business.
Blooms Revised Taxonomy presents a guidepost to adult (and teen) learning. Synthesis is
Creating: Builds a structure or pattern from diverse elements. Put parts together to form a
whole, with emphasis on creating a new meaning or structure.
This is the highest form of learning and mandatory for all family coaches to push their own
learning capacity to this level, as it will be required in the complexities of family coaching.

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Blooms Revised Taxonomy

Category
Example and Key Words (verbs)
Remembering: Recall previous

learned information.
Examples: Recite a policy. Quote prices from memory to a customer. Knows

the safety rules.
Understanding: Comprehending
the meaning, translation,
interpolation, and interpretation of
instructions and problems. State a
problem in one's own words.
Applying: Use a concept in a new

situation or unprompted use of an
abstraction. Applies what was
learned in the classroom into novel
situations in the work place.
Analyzing: Separates material or
concepts into component parts so
that its organizational structure
may be understood. Distinguishes
between facts and inferences.
Evaluating: Make judgments

about the value of ideas or
materials.
Key Words: defines, describes, identifies, knows, labels, lists, matches,

names, outlines, recalls, recognizes, reproduces, selects, states.
Examples: Rewrites the principles of test writing. Explain in one's own words
the steps for performing a complex task. Translates an equation into a
computer spreadsheet.
Key Words: comprehends, converts, defends, distinguishes, estimates,
explains, extends, generalizes, gives an example, infers, interprets,
paraphrases, predicts, rewrites, summarizes, translates.
Examples: Use a manual to calculate an employee's vacation time. Apply
laws of statistics to evaluate the reliability of a written test.
Key Words: applies, changes, computes, constructs, demonstrates,
discovers, manipulates, modifies, operates, predicts, prepares, produces,
relates, shows, solves, uses.
Examples: Troubleshoot a piece of equipment by using logical deduction.
Recognize logical fallacies in reasoning. Gathers information from a
department and selects the required tasks for training.
Key Words: analyzes, breaks down, compares, contrasts, diagrams,
deconstructs, differentiates, discriminates, distinguishes, identifies, illustrates,
infers, outlines, relates, selects, separates.
Examples: Select the most effective solution. Hire the most qualified
candidate. Explain and justify a new budget.
Key Words: appraises, compares, concludes, contrasts, criticizes, critiques,

defends, describes, discriminates, evaluates, explains, interprets, justifies,
relates, summarizes, supports.
Creating: Builds a structure or
Examples: Write a company operations or process manual. Design a machine
pattern from diverse elements. Put to perform a specific task. Integrates training from several sources to solve a
parts together to form a whole, with problem. Revises and process to improve the outcome.
emphasis on creating a new
meaning or structure.
Key Words: categorizes, combines, compiles, composes, creates, devises,
designs, explains, generates, modifies, organizes, plans, rearranges,
reconstructs, relates, reorganizes, revises, rewrites, summarizes, tells, writes.

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NOTES

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ACTION STEPS
1. Buddy Call: Discuss with your buddy the following;

a. Celebrate your wins, key learning and accomplishments with each other and give
a hearty round of thanks. Acknowledge that you will be switching buddies
starting next week.
2. Read: The Parent as Coach Approach book and listen to the audio book, Watch the dvd,
use the action cards and explore the GradeMaker. More will be shared in the next
Module.
3. Write and Send into RCI and my buddy within 7 days.
i. What have I learned so far?
ii. What did I LEARN from my buddy?
4. Write and send into RCI and my buddy within 7 days:
a. One to Two page book summary of Choice Theory and The Enneagram Made
Easy. (You may be sharing these with clients in your resource kit.)

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BOOK SUMMARY GUIDELINES

STEP ONE
Start with an introduction. Identify the title of the book and its author in the first sentence.
Distinguish the purpose or the main ideas of the chosen book, presenting only the
essential highlights. Use your own words and do not inject any personal opinions or
comments.
STEP TWO
Build the body of the summary. Be concise. Organize paragraphs according to the flow of
the book in a consistent sequence. Include important specifics and omit minor details.
Encapsulate the intention of the author and his narrative using precise examples from the
text to give credence and support to any statements you made in the introduction. This
section should be between two and five paragraphs long, depending on the complexity of
the book.
STEP THREE
Write a one-paragraph conclusion as to how this is relevant to Family Coaching. Close
the summary with key points from the previous paragraphs. Do not add new material.
Remain impartial throughout.
STEP FOUR
Proofread the summary before submitting it. Check for grammar, spelling and
punctuation errors. Meet the journalist's rule when reading it through--check to see if the
summary answers who, what, why, where, when and how. Double-check that the
summary does not alter the significance or meaning of the story from the author's
viewpoint.
TIPS
Read the book thoroughly.

Understand what you are reading.
Take notes for reference later.
Refer to the notes often when writing the summary.
Don't plagiarize.
Use your own words.
Congratulations on all of the learning, growth and insights over the past 8 classes.
See you in Module Two!!
Onward!
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JOURNAL

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FAMILY

Foundations of Family Coaching

Family Coach Training Program Module 1: Foundations of Family Coaching

WELCOME FROM INSTRUCTOR

WHAT IS FAMILY COACHING?

FAMILY COACHING PHILOSOPHY

CHOICE THEORY AS A MODEL

OUTCOME BASED COACHING

SYNTHESIS AND INTEGRATION

Family Coach Training - Module 1: Foundations of Family Coaching

WELCOME FROM DIANA STERLING

Play Full Out Be Committed Stand in your Power.

Family Coach Training - Module 1: Foundations of Family Coaching

Family Coach Training - Module 1: Foundations of Family Coaching

Family Coach Training - Module 1: Foundations of Family Coaching

FAMILY COACH TRAINING PROGRAM SYLLUBUS

Family Coach Training - Module 1: Foundations of Family Coaching

Family Coach Training - Module 1: Foundations of Family Coaching

Module Four: Application and Business

Family Coach Training - Module 1: Foundations of Family Coaching

CLASS #1 WHAT IS FAMILY COACHING?

Learning Outcome: Understand What is Family Coaching and What it is Not.

Four Distinctions of Family Coaching:

Family Coach Training - Module 1: Foundations of Family Coaching

CLASS #1 WHAT IS FAMILY COACHING?

Family Coach Training - Module 1: Foundations of Family Coaching

CLASS #1 WHAT IS FAMILY COACHING?

1. Buddy Call: Discuss with your buddy the following

Family Coach Training - Module 1: Foundations of Family Coaching

CLASS #1 WHAT IS FAMILY COACHING?

Family Coach Training - Module 1: Foundations of Family Coaching

CLASS #2 FAMILY COACHING PHILOSOPHY

Learning Outcome: Learn the Philosophies Behind Family Coaching

FAMILY COACH TRAINING COACHING PHILOSOPHY

Lead themselves in all walks of life

Family Coach Training - Module 1: Foundations of Family Coaching

ACADEMY FOR FAMILY COACH TRAINING COACHING STANDARDS

Family Coach Training - Module 1: Foundations of Family Coaching

CLASS #2 FAMILY COACHING PHILOSOPHY

Family Coach Training - Module 1: Foundations of Family Coaching

CLASS #2 FAMILY COACHING PHILOSOPHY

1. Buddy Call: Discuss with your buddy the following

Family Coach Training - Module 1: Foundations of Family Coaching

CLASS #2 FAMILY COACHING PHILOSOPHY

Family Coach Training - Module 1: Foundations of Family Coaching

CLASS #3 CHOICE THEORY AS A MODEL

Learning Outcome: Adapting a Primary Source to Family Coaching

We learn and grow in biological time.

Family Coach Training - Module 1: Foundations of Family Coaching

CLASS #3 CHOICE THEORY AS A MODEL

Family Coach Training - Module 1: Foundations of Family Coaching

CLASS #3 CHOICE THEORY AS A MODEL

Family Coach Training - Module 1: Foundations of Family Coaching

CHOICE THEORY SELF-ASSESSMENT OF FIVE PSYCHOLOGICAL NEEDS

Family Coach Training - Module 1: Foundations of Family Coaching

CLASS #3 CHOICE THEORY AS A MODEL

Family Coach Training - Module 1: Foundations of Family Coaching

CLASS #4 OUTCOME BASED COACHING

Learning Outcome: Family Coaching Outcome Based Coaching Program

The Outcome Based Coaching Model

Family Coach Training - Module 1: Foundations of Family Coaching

CLASS #4 OUTCOME BASED COACHING

Family Coach Training - Module 1: Foundations of Family Coaching

CLASS #4 OUTCOME BASED COACHING