The coaching relationship (from James Flaherty)

Coaching is more a ‘be’ than a ‘do’. It is a mindset as much as a technique.

Elements of the coaching relationship are:

Mutual trust. Mutual respect. Mutual freedom of expression.

In an ideal situation the coach and the person being coached are equally enthusiastic
about the process. However, this isn’t always the case and sometimes the coach need to
have the commitment and energy to get the coaching process started. To put it another
way - the coach has to build a bridge, to help the person being coached to see the benefits
in engaging in the conversation.

Approaches to coaching:

You
Me
Agree

The person being coached should do most of the talking. Whether you are resolving a
difficult problem or helping them in taking on something new – perhaps a task they have
never done before. In a club context you may have arranged a specific meeting with
committee member. Also be ready to coach informally – maybe in a brief conversation
after a meeting – at the bar –on the phone - where ever!

Key skills and attitudes

Listening
Asking good questions
Checking understanding
Give person your full attention (no talking and texting)!
When something needs to be done be clear about the outcome and open about how it is to
be achieved – accept people need freedom to do things their way
Give both private and public acknowledgment of achievements
Use your evaluation skills in giving feedback. Give it promptly and keep it focused.
Remember we are all volunteers – influencing rather than managing, persuasion rather
than authority.
Keep things in perspective. If you find yourself getting over involved in an emotional
situation step back to gather your thoughts and come back able to help constructively.
Get committee meetings to stick to time then socialize and get to know each other.

Questions

What is most important for us to talk about…

Clarifying questions
How do you feel about…(Caroline) What do you think about…(Dorothea)
What kind of…
Is there anything else…

Dorothea Stuart 2 February 2010 Club Officer Training 1

Sorting out goals/how someone might do something
What would you like to do/what would you like to have happen
What needs to happen for [outcome]?
And is there anything else that needs to happen for [outcome]?
And can you do X?

Guiding/drawing attention to
Have you noticed…
Have you thought of…

Conflict situations
Conflict situations: how do you think the other person is feeling? i.e. put yourself in the
other person’s shoes…

Use Susan Scott’s formula for a 60 second opening statement (which requires preparation
and practice).
1. Name the issue
2. Select a specific example that illustrates the behaviour or situation you want to
change
3. Describe your emotions about this issue
4. Clarify what is at stake
5. Identify your contribution to the problem
6. Indicate you wish to resolve the issue
7. Invite your partner to respond.

Hi John (VP Membership), we’re getting very few new members. Although we tell our
visitors that we will email them and send them information this hasn’t happened for the
last two months. I find this upsetting and frustrating because I want the club to grow. If
we don’t get back to at least 25 members we are in danger of losing our more enthusiastic
members to other clubs. I know I should have spoken to you about this sooner and I
apologise for not doing so. I’d now like to find a way to make sure we do our best to
increase our membership. How do you feel, what are your thoughts on this?

Book list:

Fierce Conversations, achieving success in work and life one conversation at a time by
Susan Scott
Time to Think, listening to ignite the human mind by Nancy Kline
Coaching, evoking excellence in others by James Flaherty

Other resources
Official Toastmasters group on LinkedIn has interesting discussions on wide range of
subjects that could be useful for you and your committee. Why not ask a question and
see what responses you get!
Take advantage of Toastmasters Groups on Facebook, Twitter etc

Dorothea Stuart 2 February 2010 Club Officer Training 2