Meditation in Poetry

by Kirpal Singh
Literary Editor, The Times

It is with great pleasure that we publish today a long, meditative, poem.

Though Easter is over, the message or significance ought to live on, as does
the whole story of Christ. To do justice to a poem such as “Self-Betrayed”
would be to delve into questions which, perhaps, are better left to
philosophers and theologians. Our interest in the piece is the poetry – the
rhythm, the language, the tone, the theme. To do justice even to these is not
possible in the short space that a single page a weekly newspaper provides.
No, a full critique is impossible. But let me state that the theme is clearly
sustained to the very end and this in itself is quite a feat. The poem is about
faith and, as they say, faith moveth mountains. The intimacy of the tone, the
simplicity of the language, the ordinariness of the rhythm, all make this
poem likeable and readable and meaningful.

SELF-BETRAYED: A Meditation
by Samu Batara

Lord, why did you select Judas

to be one of your disciples?
He was the only Judean among the twelve.
All the rest were Galileans.
I don’t know but I often hate his name.
Now and again I encounter that name
to signify human beings who do things
opposed to patterns of society.
I haven’t really met a Christian named Judas, Lord.
I presume all parents and baptizers dislike Judas, too,
never christening children with such a fame.
All regard Judas as having not loved you
because he betrayed you!
Was Judas not your friend, Lord?
You called him to be one of your students
and you were his teacher alright.
Tell me, Lord, you did count on him, that’s why
you chose him as a trusted friend.
Did he not trust you in return
that he betrayed you?
A student who plays a trick upon his teacher
does not deserve to be a student at all!
Very disrespectful, ungrateful!
You should not have chosen him
as a disciple in the first place, Lord.

My brother, Judas was one of those whom I came for.

My Father, who is also your Father, sent me
not for the righteous
but for the wicked.
For it is not the healthy person
but the sick
who needs a physician.
I summoned disciples
from all walks of life, if you remember!
Fishermen, tax collector,
“poor” and “sinners,”
men who could afford to deny and betray me.
They were representatives of mankind
for through them
I wanted to bring total humanity
back into the love of the Father.

So you loved Judas, Lord,

and all who were like him?
I don’t hate Judas anymore
because you don’t hate him, Lord.
Some say you took him as a pupil
for a certain purpose.
And I’m trying to understand.
Before Judas betrayed you, long beforehand
you already knew he was going to do it.
Why did you not get angry with him, Lord?
But why should you
if you wanted the scriptures be fulfilled?
O yes, you came not to destroy
but to fulfill the law and the prophets.
And you said, what was written
about you must come true.
Lord, I think I love Judas.
Or perhaps it is not love.
I just want to thank him
for helping you bring about a fulfillment
of what was told about you in the old days.
He must have been disillusioned with you
for not publicly declaring your messiahship.
Say, he had followed you in the belief
that you would bring in a kingdom
which could be hastened
if he pressed you into political action,
to force your hand.
Now I know, he did a good job
of course, not for you but for me, Lord,
for all whom you were sent here for.
Judas made my salvation come quickly.
He hastened the day of my deliverance
from sin and death.
The world then was waiting for so long,
fainting hungry for a savior.
And surely, you would not like us wait
for nothing, Lord!
Judas was used for that purpose –
to drive you to bring about a plan
in the fullness of time
to unite all things in you.
But if he accomplished a part of the plan
why did you curse him then, Lord?
Or was it a curse?
I heard you say how terrible
it was for that man
who would betray you
that it would have been better
if he had never been born!

My brother, have you ever been betrayed

with a kiss?
What does kiss mean to you?
I counted Judas as a trusted friend,
and he acted like a friend,
but he deceived me!
He only loved me for money.
What I did not like was hypocrisy –
that man shows something different
from his inner feelings
and just pretends.

But Lord, have you not forgiven Judas?

He felt very sorry for what he did to you.
He repented
and took back the thirty silver coins
to the chief priests and elders.
Perhaps he didn’t intend to do you harm.
Maybe he never dreamed
that his act would bring you punishment.
And he later realized his foolishness
in betraying an innocent man to death;
so he hanged himself.
He could no longer bear the guilt, Lord.

My brother, everyone who repents

must be forgiven.
I never held forgiveness
from all those who asked me.
Even to the criminal
who had never been with me before
when he repented at the cross
I offered him paradise.
I always ask the Father to forgive
those who do not know what they are doing.
Truly I have forgiven Judas
for what he did to me
but killing himself was another thing.
Man’s life is not his own
but of the Creator’s.
Man, therefore, has no right
to take his life off.
My brother, this commonly happens to you
and your brothers and sisters around.
You betray me
and as a result you fall into darkness,
you hunt for death.
You lose your life!
You don’t only know
that I whom you betray
am the Life!

Lord, don’t pick at me, please!

I have never betrayed you!
Can you cite a single instance, Lord,
when I did betray you?

My brother, you often betray me.

How many times have you been disloyal to me?
How many times have you lost faith in me?
How many times have you deceived yourself
as well as your brothers and sisters?
You do neglect my word.
You easily forget me!
And the worst thing is that you know
I have been betrayed
yet you still continue to betray me.
You mean to say, Lord, I am another Judas?
I’m now afraid you are also displeased with me.
Don’t be angry, Lord, please.
Will you allow me to use reason
to fabricate some justification.
I heard you say
that we would always have the poor.
I did not hear you say
we would always have Judases with us.
Even then, Lord, I like to think
that wicked people like Judas,
like me, if I am one,
are useful too.
Don’t we have a certain purpose
in this world, Lord?

My brother, you are right!

You can only realize the nature of light
in the presence of darkness.
You can only recognize fully what is right
when compared to what is wrong.
So the wicked people should enable you
to notice the righteous, the upright.
My brother, everything which our Father created
is useful, it is worth its price.
The evil ones and what they become
should help you place your own self,
to know on which side you should stand
to consider which path you should follow.
Still these contrasts
of existence seem useless.
How often, in your generation,
men fall into the trap of the evil,
so weak to uphold what is good.
Past lessons should be enough to make you see.
you prefer, however, to be blind
when you could see.
Or perhaps, just pretending to be blind.
A judas is enough, my brother.
We already had one
and you know what happened to him.
As much as possible
I don’t want you to become one!
 SELF-BETRAYED was published in The Times on Friday, 8 April 1983.
The whole literature page was titled Meditation in Poetry. It was critiqued by
Kirpal Singh, the Literary Editor.

Self-betrayed was also published in the No. 18, Easter 1983 issue of
The Family, national newspaper of the Anglican Church of Papua New
Guinea.